Reverse, Reset, Restore
This is for all of us who have been wounded by our own (and others) judgements and expectations, who have listened to those inner voices and believed the lies we've sold ourselves and for those who truly want to love and honour who you were always meant to be. If you've struggled with self-acceptance, poor body image and a belief system that is no longer serving you (if it ever did!), then this podcast is your reminder that you're not alone and you can choose to make changes - from your health and wellbeing, to your thoughts and the way you move in the world.
Reverse, Reset, Restore
The Power of Self-compassion: Ignoring Judgments and Reclaiming Your Power
Ever felt like a ship tossed in the tumultuous sea of external judgments? You're not alone. We're tackling the tough topic of how these judgments can chip away at our self-confidence, often leading us to question our worth and our choices. More importantly, we acknowledge that sometimes, without even realizing it, we might be doing the same to others. This episode is your guide to breaking free from this cycle, celebrating your individuality, and reclaiming your power.
If you've ever questioned the value of an opinion or struggled to stand your ground, this conversation is for you. We're unmasking the sources of these judgments, assessing their true worth, and aligning them with our own goals and values. From the power of self-compassion and trusting your gut, to the importance of setting boundaries, we're digging deep. Together, we'll build a fortress of positivity and resilience, and foster a stronger sense of self. By the end, you'll be armed with the tools to assert your independence, silence judgmental voices, and truly reclaim your autonomy and self-worth. Let's champion our individuality and take control of our lives, because ultimately, it's our life, our choices.
"We can change the world if we change ourselves. We just need to get hold of the old patterns of thinking and dealing with things and start listening to our inner voices and trusting our own superpowers." -Nina Hagen
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Welcome to a brand new episode of Reverse Reset Restore. Today, we're tackling a topic that can empower you to create lasting change in your life. Join me, your host Sally, as we explore the incredible transformation that can occur when you take full ownership of your reactions, thoughts, feelings and behaviors. It's time to step into your power and design the life you desire. Change comes from within. The world is changing. The world is changing. The world is changing. The world is changing. The world is changing.
Speaker 1:When did you start to distrust yourself? When was it that other people's opinions of your life and your choices became fodder for their judgment calls and expectations and beliefs, so that they became the only voice of reason, even though I'd, deep down, you know it in your gut, what they are saying is not true for you, even when their opinions don't match your experiences, still, you start to second guess everything you think, feel or have even experienced on the topic. When did we allow other people to gate keep our experiences, our feelings, our own truths? Welcome to Reverse Reset Restore. If you're joining me for the first time, a very warm welcome to you. This is going to be an interesting episode for you, because I'm not sugarcoating things today. No, my friends, it's time we talk about the power we give away when we listen to others so much that we second guess ourselves. Maybe this is you, maybe it's not. Maybe it's setting off some flashing lights or alarm bells for someone in your life that really needs to hear this. If so, send them a link to this episode and share the love and this episode is full of love Tough love for both the perpetrators who stomp over people's decisions with their own marked opinions, and for the people who consistently allow this to happen. Guess what? We probably all fall somewhere on both sides of this issue at one time or another. In a world filled with diverse opinions and perspectives, it's all too common to find ourselves subjected to judgments and criticisms about the choices we make for ourselves, whether it's the career path we choose, the lifestyle we embrace or the personal decisions we make. External judgments can weigh us down and erode our sense of autonomy and self-worth. But here's the empowering truth you have the power to stop listening to those judgment voices and take back control over your life. In this episode, we'll explore how you can regain your autonomy and stand confidently in your own choices. We've conceded or allowed or abdicated our personal knowing for parents or partners, best friends, teachers, doctors, influencers, presidents, colleagues, journalists, rabbis and next door neighbor. Suddenly, everyone else's opinions matter. Have a good evening everyone but our own. You know the expression.
Speaker 1:The first rule of Fight Club is we don't talk about Fight Club. That gets thrown around a lot in many of the groups I belong to, because these groups generally are a bit askew of the norm or what some people consider the norm. Why? Because if or when people share about something new that they're doing or trying to the people in their lives, instead of any positive thoughts or encouragement of any kind, they get bombasted by people who know nothing but have everything to say. It's a terrible habit and a shitty way to behave. I'm guilty of not always holding my tongue when my judgments all believes well up within me at times. So I'm calling myself out just as much as anyone else on this behavior and I've got to say, since I really began my own self-recovery and discovery journey, I've learnt not to do this so much or hardly at all. Now at least verbalizing it out loud, because unless I have a lot of insight into the subject, how can I possibly form an opinion that is worth potentially hurting someone else and their own self-healing, or just general living, for that matter. So while I'm going to talk about the subject from the point of view of not second guessing yourself and your choices when people force their opinions or judgments on you, I wanted to put it out there that we're all capable of doing this to each other and we are just as capable and responsible for not doing this to each other as well. I've had to guard what I do or say or give away or share around colleagues and friends and family who don't get it or they think it's absurd and don't mind sharing their opinion on my body and choices. People use the guise of I just care about you or I'm concerned about what you're doing as reasons to share their own bias, and almost all of the time they have no idea on the subject. No idea, but they sure do have a formulated opinion on it.
Speaker 1:When I first went keto, I had a lot, a lot of well-meaning naysayers trying to convince me what a bad idea it was. I have had massive arguments with doctors and nurses and dieticians who still haven't taken the time to read the science and come to an understanding of its benefits for people like me who are insulin resistant or have metabolic disorders. No, eliminating carbs, apparently, is not the way to go. One must eliminate fat, because obviously, if fat is called fat, then that's what makes you fat. Right, I digress. I will discuss my keto journey and how it reversed my type 2 diabetes in other episodes, because it's a big enough subject on its own.
Speaker 1:I just wanted to use that as an example of how people, even the ones we trust to know this stuff, and especially the people in our lives who don't get it, will somehow always have opinions that can make you stick and guess your ability to make decisions for your own existence. Luckily for me, in the case of Keto, I ignored the naysayers, but there have been many other times when I shared something and regretted it because I was made to feel small and stupid, or rather, I allowed them to make me feel that way. Just because you don't understand it or get it or even agree with it, doesn't mean you have the right to negate the valid experience of others. And if this is happening to you in your life, where your thoughts and feelings and experiences are being shamed by others in your life with no similar thoughts, feelings or experiences of their own, it's time to set some boundaries, my love, because if you are letting other people's opinions and judgments dull your shine and make you feel insecure about yourself and your own truth, it's time to stop giving them your power. Now let me go back to the group thing for a minute.
Speaker 1:As mentioned, I belong to several different groups and there is a consistent theme that runs within them which reveals to me that this is generally a big problem we all inevitably come up against Be littling, demeaning, judging and undermining people for their choices. I belong to the conqueror challenges community, which is where you can sign up to do virtual challenges while exercising and get a beautiful medal as a reward at the end of your challenge. I think it's a fantastic idea and, luckily for me, I have a partner who has supported me and seen the value that these challenges offer, getting me off my butt, motivating me to do daily exercise. This is a good thing. Unfortunately, a lot of people out there don't have supportive people who see that there is value in this type of reward based program, and the people in their lives dump all over them and then they post about how no one understands them or it's making them feel like garbage because they're wasting their money or being stupid to do virtual adventures. The defeat that I read in these posts time and time again is exhausting. You don't have to see the value in something to still be supportive. You might not find achieving medals for exercising as something worthwhile, but if it's going to help your loved one or friend or colleague form healthy habits, why reign on their parade?
Speaker 1:Why do we automatically go for the jugular? I personally think it boils down to insecurity and a sense of worthlessness when we behave this way, but that's another topic for another day. We can't change how people are going to respond to what we're doing. All we can do is change our responses to theirs. It's time to reclaim our power and harness it into our good. How do we do this?
Speaker 1:The first step in breaking free from the grip of other's judgments is to recognize where these judgments are coming from. Often they originate from societal norms, cultural expectations or even the insecurities of those passing judgment. Understanding the source can help you detach emotionally from their opinions and see them for what they really are External influences that do not define your worth or your decisions. This is where you can ask yourself does this person's opinion really matter? Is it valid? Are they truly expressing concern and we can have a healthy conversation. Or is this them reflecting their own need to exert control in a situation where they themselves are uncomfortable in? Exploring these types of questions will also enable you to recognize how you let go of their fears and expectations.
Speaker 1:Developing self-awareness is a powerful tool in reclaiming your autonomy. Take time to reflect on your values, your desires and your long-term goals. Understand why you've made certain choices and what those choices mean to you personally. When you have a strong sense of self and purpose, external judgments have less power to sway you. So, in the example of the conqueror challenges and the people who get discouraged by others commenting on their choice to exercise for a medal, reminding yourself it's not about anyone else but you, who cares what people think? Why should we? Why invest that much time and energy into seeking approval or feeling disapproved of? Focus on your whys. If earning medals, getting virtual postcards and doing fun virtual challenges in locations you may never see in real life helps with your long-term goals of increased fitness, improved health and longevity, keep that in mind and let that be the thing that encourages you, instead of allowing people's judgments to become the obstacles or excuses you can then use to take yourself away from your goals.
Speaker 1:Your intuition is a valuable guide in decision making. Trust yourself and the wisdom you've gained through your experiences. Remember that you you, my darling are the expert in your own life. Let me repeat that because I think you need to hear this you are the expert in your life. When faced with judgment or criticism and critiques, take a moment to check in with your gut feelings and trust the path you've chosen. If you no longer know how to do this, it's time to find a way back to finding yourself. It was the very first question I started this episode with. When did you start to distrust yourself?
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, for many of us, this may have begun at a very young age. When I worked as a nanny, I remember having discussions with my boss over what the three-year-olds could pick out for themselves to wear. She would get so mad if the outfits didn't match perfectly. I reminded her that it was important at this age to give the girls a sense of autonomy. Did it really matter if their hair ties didn't match the colour of their clothing or their socks didn't go with their dress? Was this really a hill worth dying on? Unfortunately, it is the small things like this that can really accumulate and create problems even at this young age.
Speaker 1:Telling the three-year-old that they made the wrong choice over a hair tie or the socks they want to wear is not about a look or fashion. It's much deeper than that. It's telling them that they are bad at making decisions and that they can't be trusted. Then we wonder why we have generations of kids growing up with this inability to trust themselves, their bodies and their gut feelings because they've been told their whole lives they can't do it right, not even a simple thing like getting dressed in the right clothes. This type of thinking is exactly how we plant seeds that grow into addictions, body dysmorphia, depression and anxiety disorders, and the pressure to people please at our own expense.
Speaker 1:Boundaries are crucial for protecting your emotional well-being. Politely but firmly, communicate your boundaries to those who pass judgment on your choices. Let them know that, while you value the input, you ultimately have the final say in your life decisions. This doesn't need to become a screaming match or a 10 round debate. No is a perfectly full sentence on its own. Boundary setting can be really terrifying. As a reformed people pleaser, I always found setting boundaries with certain things very challenging, but when it comes to what I know is right for me. I can back that up with the evidence of the impact in my life. Then I will draw the line in the sand so hard it will basically cut through to the very core of the earth. Those are the types of boundaries that happen when you know who you are and that is unshakable.
Speaker 1:Build a network of friends and loved ones who respect and support your autonomy. Surrounding yourself with people who encourage your personal growth and celebrate your choices can be a powerful antidote to external judgments. If you don't have anyone in your life, I'll be that person for you. Seriously, you can message me via Instagram or Facebook. Let's talk. We all need and deserve to have people in our corner and people who get us. It's why I run a Facebook group for people reversing diabetes, so they have a safe space with like-minded people who understand it when maybe no one else does.
Speaker 1:I want to talk about practicing self-compassion. It's essential to be kind to yourself when dealing with judgments. Self-compassion involves acknowledging that it's okay to make mistakes or change your mind. No one is infallible and we all learn and grow through our experiences. By being gentle with yourself, you can build resilience against external criticisms. This is a big one for so many of us. I feel We've become so desensitized to our own wants and needs and intuition that we've forgotten what it feels like to just be kind and loving to ourselves. Let's begin to give ourselves permission to speak lovingly towards and about ourselves, whenever we hear, say or think an unkind thought about any aspect of us, be it a decision we made, an action we did, who we think we are, as the world sees us, whatever it may be. Let's be more present, more mindful and paying attention to that and stopping it in its tracks.
Speaker 1:Catching these old patterns and re-educating ourselves to practice self-compassion takes some time. I'm not going to lie to you. You're going to be a work in progress for quite a while, but if you can consistently do this in a gentle, non-judgmental and loving way, you will change your life. You will change the relationship that you have with yourself and ultimately, that is the most important relationship you will ever have in your whole existence is the one that you have with you. If you can learn to love yourself, accept yourself, celebrate yourself, honor yourself, then not only will that create deeper meaning in your personal relationship with you, but it will extend into all areas of your life. Don't be afraid to educate and advocate. Sometimes, judgments stem from ignorance or misunderstanding. In such cases, take the opportunity to educate others about your choices and the reasons behind them. Advocacy can help create a more understanding and accepting environment.
Speaker 1:I remember when I was asked to come in and see the nurse at the diabetic clinic to discuss my latest blood results. I was super proud because within three months of going keto, I had gone from an HBA1C, which is a blood test for diabetics, of 64, down to 36. I literally was no longer diabetic. The nurse was astounded. She brought in a couple of doctors and a couple of other nurses who were also really astounded. What had I done? Why was it so well controlled? I told them about how I'd gone keto since the last bloods are being taken as I kept having highs and decided to try something different. Changing my food changed my life. They were impressed and they discharged me from the clinic because I was no longer diabetic. Then, as we were wrapping up, they suggested that in order for me to continue to be in remission of the diabetes, I really should start eating carbs again. I think my ears bled out. What Really the reason I am not diabetic is because I don't eat carbs and you want me to start again. Um, no, thanks, I kind of said this earlier.
Speaker 1:But focus on your goals. Redirect your energy towards your goals and your aspirations. When you're actively working towards something meaningful to you, external judgments become less significant. Concentrating on your objectives reinforces your sense of purpose and autonomy. There would be a lot of things that would not exist in our world if the inventors and scientists and educators had listened to their naysayers. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't or shouldn't or mustn't. They've got their own reasons for their judgments or beliefs, but you don't have to take them on and make them your own. You are not responsible for other people's expectations of your life. Stop taking other people's opinions on board so seriously. Stop giving permission to let others' judgments and thoughts make you feel bad.
Speaker 1:I want us to focus on developing a positive self-image. This ties back to the idea of practicing self-compassion. Cultivate a positive self-image by appreciating your strengths and uniqueness. Celebrate your accomplishments. Remind yourself of your worth. When you have a healthy self-esteem, judgments lose their power to shake your confidence. You won't be relying on other people's criticisms or their limited knowledge over your own intuition. You won't be second guessing what is right for you, because you have an understanding that you are the master of your own ship, the expert in your own life.
Speaker 1:Reclaiming your autonomy and stopping the influence of judgmental voices is a journey of self-discovery and an empowerment one. By recognizing the source of judgment, embracing self-awareness and trusting your instincts, you can assert your independence. Setting boundaries surrounding yourself with support, practicing self-compassion and focusing on your goals will fortify your resilience against external judgments. Ultimately, developing a positive self-image will be your shield against negativity. Remember your life is yours to live and you have the right to make choices that align with your values and aspirations. Learn to trust yourself again. Learn to step into listening to that wee, small voice, that gut feeling, that instinct of knowing over, listening to and abiding by judgmental voices of external forces.
Speaker 1:Thank you for joining me today. I know this probably was a little rant-like in places. I do that it's a thing, especially when I feel strongly about something and I am passionate about taking back my power and not giving it away to people who don't deserve it. I did that for years in many, many ways, and no one deserves to be in control of your life more than you do.
Speaker 1:If you're listening to this podcast on Spotify. Please leave me a comment in our Q&A. If you're on Apple Podcasts, I would appreciate five stars in a review. If you have found this episode or any others helpful, as always, join us on the reverse reset. Restore Facebook or Insta pages where you can reach out to me personally. I'm going to wrap up this episode with a quote that pretty much defines not only this episode, but what is at the heart of this podcast. It comes from Nina Hagan. We can change the world if we change ourselves. We just need to get hold of the old patterns of thinking and dealing with things and start listening to our inner voices and trusting our own superpowers. Thank you.