Reverse, Reset, Restore
This is for all of us who have been wounded by our own (and others) judgements and expectations, who have listened to those inner voices and believed the lies we've sold ourselves and for those who truly want to love and honour who you were always meant to be. If you've struggled with self-acceptance, poor body image and a belief system that is no longer serving you (if it ever did!), then this podcast is your reminder that you're not alone and you can choose to make changes - from your health and wellbeing, to your thoughts and the way you move in the world.
Reverse, Reset, Restore
The Battle Within: Conquering Self-Hatred and Cultivating Self-Love
Bearing my soul wasn't easy, but if it means guiding someone through the treacherous waters of self-hatred and into the embrace of self-love, then every shared scar is worth it. This episode isn't just a recount of my personal skirmishes with the demon of self-loathing; it's a call to arms against the internal adversary that threatens our mental and physical health. With insights from Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk's "The Body Keeps the Score," we'll unravel how trauma and memory can leave indelible marks on our wellbeing, and why the battle for self-compassion is one that requires our steadfast commitment.
As we wrap up our intimate conversation, let John Joseph Powell's poignant reminder on the intrinsic value of every person resonate in your heart. It's a message not just spoken, but felt—a touchstone for those on the path to self-acceptance. Remember, as you move forward from this moment, that you are not alone in your struggles. Carry with you the empowering belief that you are lovable, worthy, and truly incredible, and let this episode serve as a beacon of hope and a testament to the transformative power of embracing who you are.
“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” John Joseph Powell
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Welcome to Reverse Reset. Restore the show where we explore the incredible connection between our mind and body. I'm your host, sally, and I share my journey of self-discovery and personal growth, along with some powerful methods that have transformed who I was and who I am who I was always meant to be. The exciting thing is that you can experience this too. The connection comes from within. Before we get started into today's topic, which is about self-hatred and how it impacts our body, I just want to remind you that you may find yourself getting tense, angry, sad, upset and all normal emotions, but emotions that can feel overwhelming and bring us discomfort. This is work we are doing here, and the hard stuff isn't always so easy. Be gentle to yourself. Make sure to pause the podcast or set it aside for a bit if you're feeling emotional or it just feels a bit too much. I'll be talking about some pretty hard and difficult moments in my life, including briefly talking about suicidal ideology. If you need to skip that part, it is absolutely okay. Just check the show notes to skip ahead to the next section. I'll give you a little reminder when we get there. And if today's episode really ignites some thoughts or feelings that you struggle with. Please seek out support from a professional therapist who can help you with putting any necessary strategies into place. This week's episode kind of ties in perfectly to this month's Foundation Friday book, the Body Keeps a Score by Dr Bessel Van de Kog, which is out this Friday. The body keeps a score delves into the connection between trauma, memory and the physical body, offering insights into how traumatic experiences shape our psychological well-being.
Speaker 1:Part of my own personal trauma landscape has been cultivated in the arena of self-hatred. For years I curated a toxic image of not only my capabilities and talents and my friendships and responsibilities, but also upon my body. I waged a war that besieged me with negative thoughts, destructive beliefs and behaviors that caused an ever-growing chasm. I saw my body as something that had betrayed me and perhaps in my subconscious mind I've made the decision to betray it back. As TL Swan, author and American Spiritual Influencer, says, self-hate is a coping mechanism that is so dangerous because it is a coping mechanism that may keep you safer from the external hater, antagonist, but it leads to constant anxiety because you're living with a part that behaves like an enemy in your own skin. Now, this is the part that, if you want, you can skip ahead to the next chapter here.
Speaker 1:My self-hatred full-blown at times, has led me to walk a fine line between staying here and fighting on through the mire or wanting to end my suffering. My will to fight to live has won me over every time so far and I am so grateful for whatever lies within me to push through those dark moments. But I'd be lying if I deny that there have been times in my life that the pain has been all consuming and I've thought about wanting to end it all. Unless you've experienced this, it's almost impossible to understand, and I love that for you. I am so grateful that this isn't your experience and I hope it never is.
Speaker 1:But I know that there is at least one person listening right now that feels this deeply. You know exactly the pain I am talking about, the nothingness, the emptiness that feels so overwhelming, how lonely it feels. I used to feel so alone, like no one in the world could relate to my plight, that somehow all of my insecurities and fears and pain were isolated to me alone, that I was the one person in the entire universe that had ever felt this way, would ever feel this way. Now. This is dangerous thinking, because it leads to isolation and hopelessness, and that leads to death. For me, the pressures to be perfect, to be seen, to be accepted when I have felt this enormous sense of rejection, has driven me to ignore my worth and place that on the shoulders of others in terms of wanting to be liked and wondering why I kept feeling like I was being rejected. I've worked hard to drive out this false belief and heal the deep wounds that run a jagged river through my psyche, but every now and then yes, even now that rejection wound gets ripped apart, the floodgates open and I am reminded yet again of the healing that I still need to be open to.
Speaker 1:Healing for most of us is not a one and done deal. It requires time and effort and time again, and that can make it feel like an endless carousel in the worst theme park you've ever encountered. It's really been only in the last decade or so, through a collection of therapy and studying personal development, from becoming a life coach and reading and researching and trying a whole lot of healing modalities, that I finally understood that the biggest enemy towards myself, the thing I was most at war with, was not the world, it wasn't food, or my past or my abusers. It was me. The enemy lay within, hidden in shadows and false narratives and systematic beliefs that, intermingled into a perfect storm of self-hatred, as Dr Bessel Vandercog says, in the Body Keeps a Score.
Speaker 1:Rage that has nowhere to go is redirected against the self in the form of depression, self-hatred and self-destructive actions. One of my patients told me it is like hating your home, your kitchen and pots and pans, your bed, your chairs, your table, your rugs. Nothing feels safe, least of all your own body. To me, that self-hatred has been like the nothingness in the movie the Neverending Story the all-consuming, raging storm that gobbles up the world, taking away anything in its path, the good, the bad, the things in between, leaving nothing and it's wake. We know that self-hatred plays out in the way we talk and think about ourselves, but let's look into how, when someone experiences self-hatred, it can have several negative physical effects on their body. Here are a few common ones increased stress Self-hatred often leads to chronic stress, which can trigger the release of stress hormones like cortisol.
Speaker 1:Prolonged exposure to these hormones can have detrimental effects on various body systems, including cardiovascular, immune and digestive systems. From March, I'm going to be covering, once a month, a special look at cortisol and how it impacts various parts of the body. I've got six different topics associated with cortisol that we'll be looking over the next six months. So for one week we're going to look at the cardiovascular system in cortisol. We'll look at immunity in cortisol. We'll look at digestive systems in cortisol to see how it's impacting our body. So I hope that you'll be excited to join me for that very special series.
Speaker 1:Mental health issues Self-hatred is often associated with conditions like depression and anxiety. These mental health disorders can have physical symptoms such as changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, fatigue and loss of motivation, and self-hatred manifests in mental health issues with the ways that we talk about ourselves. The dialogue and the conversations that go on internally continue to drive our sense of self-worth or lack thereof. Weakened immune system. Constant feelings of self-hatred can weaken the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illnesses and infections. This can lead to chronic or long-term illnesses and disease. Sleep problems Negative self-perception can lead to sleep disturbances such as insomnia or disrupted sleep patterns. Lack of quality sleep can further contribute to physical and mental health issues. This can also lead to fatigue, slower physical responses and cognitive problems.
Speaker 1:Appetite and eating disorders Self-hatred may lead to unhealthy relationships with food, resulting in disordered eating patterns like binge eating or restricting food intake, or developing eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia. You may find yourself in a cycle of punishing yourself with food or by trying to find comfort in eating, leading to cardiometabolic issues like weight gain and insulin resistance, body aches and pains. You may not have thought of this one, but emotional distress caused by self-hatred can manifest physically as body aches, as tension, headaches and migraines and muscle tightness, and even physical symptoms similar to chronic pain conditions. Now it's important to note that the physical impact of self-hatred can vary, obviously, from person to person, and these effects may also be influenced by other factors such as your genetic predispositions, your lifestyle, your personal life experiences and overall health. Seeking professional help from a therapist or a counselor can be beneficial in addressing self-hatred and its physical consequences, as well as the emotional and mental ones.
Speaker 1:We've reached the end of this episode. I hope, as you go on about your day, you'll give yourself permission to rest, to love yourself, to ask for help, to say no, to make choices that help and not hurt you, and to heal. I am so grateful for your love and support. Thanks for being here, and for next week's episode, we'll be discussing creating a vision board to help you move some dreams into actionable goals. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider sharing it, and if you haven't subscribed, liked or followed us on our socials, please hit that button now so you'll always be the first to know when a new episode drops. Your support also helps me reach other people, which means that we're changing the world together.
Speaker 1:I want to finish up this episode with a really important reminder. This quote comes from John Joseph Powell, author of the Secret of Staying in Love. While this quote is being used in the context of romantic relationships in his book, it's one that applies to us all and it's one that I want to share with you personally, because it is my hope that in these episodes through this podcast, you pick up what I'm laying down that I love you, you are worth everything to be here, you are lovable and amazing, and I see you. Let that be the reminder you need to begin the restorative journey away from a life of self-hatred and into one of acceptance and self-love. As John says, it is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.