Two Drinks In Again
Dave and Jeff have (at least) two drinks and talk about the goings-on in the Knoxville metro area. Sports, music, restaurants, movies, and really anything is up for discussion. Join us for some information and a lot of laughs.
Two Drinks In Again
Episode 43 - When Loss Reshapes Our Lives: Three Friends Share Their Stories
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Grief transforms us in ways we never expect. In this deeply moving episode, Jeff and David welcome their friend Jimmy for a raw, unfiltered conversation about navigating the landscape of loss. Each man brings a different perspective to the table—Jeff lost his father three years ago, David his mother last year, and Jimmy his son in a tragic car accident earlier this year.
The conversation begins lightheartedly as the friends catch up on recent events, from Sydney Sweeney controversies to theatrical endeavors. But as they transition into discussing their grief journeys, the mood shifts to something profoundly human and universal. Jimmy's courage in sharing his experience losing his son Charlie is particularly striking. Rather than letting devastation consume him, he's established a foundation that feeds the homeless in Charlie's memory and created a scholarship fund to honor his legacy.
What emerges throughout their conversation is how differently each person processes grief. For some, it's the immediate crash; for others, the reality takes hours or even days to sink in. They discuss the dreaded "firsts"—first birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries without their loved ones—and how time doesn't heal wounds so much as teach us to carry them differently.
Perhaps most powerful is their discussion of signs from beyond. Jimmy shares a remarkable story about his son's LED lights mysteriously flashing after praying for a sign, while Jeff mentions his father's voice still on his mother's answering machine. These moments of connection across the veil provide comfort amid overwhelming loss.
As parents, they reflect on how grief has changed their approach to parenting surviving children—becoming more protective, more intentional about creating memories, and more aware of life's fragility. The episode closes with a simple yet profound message: be kind to everyone you meet because everyone is fighting battles you know nothing about.
Join us for this heartfelt exploration of grief, resilience, and the ongoing journey of living with loss while finding ways to move forward with purpose.
Episode Introduction
Speaker 1Two Drinks and Again is not taped before a live studio audience.
Speaker 2I've got good genes, do you? I got you on that one I got nothing for that. I really don't have anything for that.
Speaker 1We had that night, we had the time of our life.
Speaker 2Oh, what a time we had that night. We had the time of our life.
Speaker 1Hey guys, it's me Jeff, it's me. It's me David T. How you doing my friend. I'm great we have a special guest in the studio today our good-looking guy Jimmy Schuster, who we've been hanging with him for quite some time and whatnot.
Speaker 2Was it six years, seven years?
Speaker 3Yeah, I think so. Yeah, Six or seven yeah.
Speaker 2I like it Okay.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1Speak a little louder.
Speaker 3Okay, how about that?
Speaker 2How about there there you go, all right, perfect.
Speaker 3All newbie issues little. What have you been up to today?
Speaker 1jimmy, I've been uh working. We're going on vacation tomorrow, so trying to nip everything.
Speaker 3Where are you going? We're going on. We're going down to tampa for a couple days. We're going to stay at the hard rock and then heading out on another cruise you, just you love the cruise thing.
Speaker 1Yeah, how many of those you guys do a year?
Speaker 3ah, this will be my fourth. I just, I literally just got off a cruise with my daughter last week. You know we were taking her to college, so I figured it'd be a last hurrah for her.
Speaker 2So where's she going to?
Speaker 3school Austin Peay.
Speaker 2Oh, nice, sweet, yeah, excellent. I'm dropping the boy off at Embry-Riddle next week. It's gonna be crazy.
Speaker 1Boy was supposed to fly home today to Scotland.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1And they sent us the text message at 3 o'clock this morning that his Philadelphia to Edinburgh leg had been canceled. So they've rebooked everything for tomorrow. So we shall strive anew to make that all happen. So hey, what's going on in the world, the world, or the country the world?
Speaker 2Well, hey, I'm still laughing. One. One I'm laughing about the sydney sweeney shit. That's why I brought it up. But then, two, I'm also laughing about all these green dildos that have been being thrown in the wmba. Have you seen this shit? No you're not. You haven't seen this. No. So now, like you know, the old like hockey. When you'd get like a hat trick or whatever, teams would throw something onto the ice, like detroit would throw a octopus and nashville throws a catfish.
Speaker 2Well, now, all of a sudden, the cool thing to do is to throw a giant green dildo onto the court while these ladies are playing basketball and we do that, why just?
Speaker 1to be assholes, like I mean back in my day as a cameron crazy like we'd heard about, like a player got busted for shoplifting sneakers from a walmart or something so like we all threw sneakers onto the floor when they announced that person's name I don't think it's anything to that nature like.
Speaker 2So what cracks me up is how are these things getting into these games like? Is somebody?
Speaker 1just walking awfully fucking strange into the game. Where are they buying them?
Speaker 2well, evidently you can't buy them on amazon anymore, because they're sold out, because there's people that are just really wanting to do it wow and I don't know if it's just because people are like got mad at them, saying you know we deserve more money in a losing league or I I don't know, but it's unreal, like Like one almost hit this Sophia Cunningham like right in the face.
Speaker 3Right, it's terrible.
Speaker 2Like what are we doing? What are we doing that literally rewrites the phrase balls across the nose yes, but the other part with the Sidney Sweeney, can we just not get faux outraged about fucking everything so?
Speaker 1I stand by the bill marr philosophy of. You are not allowed to be more offended than the person to which the insult was directed, and if they don't give a shit about it, you're not allowed to have this faux outrage about it, but I mean it's everything like even with the, the, the bud light thing a couple years right, yeah, yeah who gives a shit? Nobody cares if you don't want to rock, did well.
Speaker 2Yeah right, he bought beer to blow it up so yeah, that was smart, but who cares right, like if you, who cares chef yeah, just, it just drives me insane that you're getting upset about a blonde girl with big boobs wearing jeans I haven't seen much of her acting.
Speaker 1I did see it was the um she's she's not like first season of white.
Speaker 3No, she's not. No, she's not going to be either. Um no, but she'll, you know she'll have like a kate hudson career or something like that.
Speaker 2We're not. We're not talking about kate hudson. These days she's more of a rock singer. Now, do you know that? Is she really? Yeah, Fuck Well.
Speaker 1I saw her in the first season of White Lotus and that's all I've seen her do. I tried to watch that movie she did. What's the guy that played John Glenn in Hidden Figures?
Speaker 2You talking about Sidney Sweeney or Kate Hudson? Sidney Sweeney or kate hudson, kid kate sydney sweeney and some.
Speaker 1It was a romantic comedy, glenn powell's glenn powell yeah right, glenn powell, he's kind of everywhere now too.
Speaker 2He sort of is yeah he said he doesn't seem to be running man thing, that you've seen previews of that one yet no what yeah, they're redoing running man, no shit.
Speaker 1Yeah, are they gonna stick to the source material this time? I probably it's a stephen king novel. Of course they never do that I was.
Speaker 2I was fully on expecting it to be like the rock doing it, but oh no, that's a great.
Speaker 1It's really funny you bring that up because I was just thinking about that specific stephen king story a few days ago and, like I actually to this morning, I was thinking for some reason I was thinking about it and I was like the preview looks pretty good yeah I like I Powell, I've never seen the full Arnold Schwarzenegger movie of that.
Speaker 2Oh, it was awesome man.
Speaker 1It was like total 80s, like no, yeah, richard Dawson from Family Feud yeah, you had Mick Fleetwood such an awesome asshole in that movie.
Speaker 2Yeah, speaking of 80s Icon went down, man the Hulkster, hulk Hogan. Oh yeah, right, that kind of hurt me a little bit. I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 1Well, it's tough when it's from you know.
Speaker 2I mean icons. You grew up.
Speaker 1Yeah, your childhood dies a little bit more each time.
Speaker 2Yeah, that one was a rough one for me, and then Ozzy, oh yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, ozzy that one. Oh God, that hurt that.
Speaker 2I'm glad he got that concert in, did you?
Speaker 3see any of that shit. Oh yeah, where he's sitting down. Yeah, but I mean he was just. It was like nothing was wrong with him?
Speaker 2That's always blown my mind.
Speaker 1About Ozzy, I knew he had Parkinson's, you know I mean but like fuck, after all that drinking, like how did he last so long?
Speaker 2No idea, I guess Well-preserved, pickled.
Speaker 1Yeah, and then Lonnie Anderson just this week.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, I forgot about that one. I didn't hear about that. Yeah, yeah, so, burt.
Speaker 1Reynolds.
Speaker 3Burt Reynolds. Is he still alive.
Speaker 1Yes, no, no, he's, not, no, he's not Okay, I don't think he is.
Speaker 2I don't know him.
Speaker 1He did that movie here in Knoxville, stro, the last movie star, or something like that, like all these and I put actors in quotes in the Knoxville area like just frigging coming all over themselves trying to get a speaking line in this. And the people that I've done theater with and everything that were like you'll see them in this movie and I'm just want to go. Hey guys, this, this is about as indie as I mean. Like I can't even believe Burt Reynolds was in this. Yeah.
Speaker 2Was that his last hurrah?
Speaker 1It was his last hurrah and a lot of people said, okay, it's a good movie for him to go out on Right, but guys, that's but local actors here in Knoxville. This does not mean you have a film career.
Speaker 2I'd rather had another Cannonball run, another cannonball run, right god those were awesome movies.
Speaker 1They should redo those fucking deliverance. Oh jesus, you know that movie was fierce. Yeah, god, fierce burt right burt reynolds, what else? Is going on, ah geez, I can't even tell you, just just working, staying busy you know, uh, I just got back from fort lauderdale, you did yeah, I don't ever want to go back. Okay, you told me that. Yeah, it was too ritzy.
Speaker 2It wasn't like a beachy, beachy town, which I kind of like. But here is the thing. I'm just going to sum up this trip there was a lot of nationality there that wasn't Spanish, it was just something. First I thought it was russian, but then it became more arabic and then I like I was going back and forth because I was holding the elevator for this guy right and he comes on and he's, he says a number.
Sydney Sweeney and WNBA Controversies
Speaker 2Because I'm just like I'm gonna, I'm gonna help him out and I'm looking at you had no idea like sorry bro and he says, oh four, and I hit it and I was like, well, that, sure as fuck wasn't quattro right. But everyone was walking around with this, this cup. That looked more often than not looked like a, like you would hold up the end of a pipe and it had a long stem into that pipe and they would take that stem and start messing around where it looked like you were smoking out of a marijuana bowl, right they?
Speaker 2were grinding shit up. Yeah, and I kept watching it and it was, it was prevalent, like every other person was having it and I was just looking around and then finally cj just said what is that next to a lady that had it and she goes you want to try? And I was in my head, I'm going cj, don't grab the fucking thing. But of course it's c CJ, we're multiple drinks in and her eyes just like bugged out turns out it's some sort of like Argentinian tea, like the shit that they're grinding up is like ground up tea leaves and they're carrying around thermoses and putting hot water in this thing and drinking tea, hot tea on the beach in 100 degree weather.
Speaker 3And I was like I'm out man.
Speaker 2This is it that tells me I need to get the hell out of this place. If that's the normal Right, Can you imagine drinking hot tea on a beach in 100 degree weather? No, just sitting down I thought, when they were pouring it, just like it was not. I thought it. When they were pouring it, I thought it was like vodka, but no Mm-mm Hot tea.
Speaker 3There you go Learn something new every day. I set up my whole trip to Fort Lauderdale.
Speaker 1I, you know. I tell you what this has been the weird year where we haven't done a lot of traveling this year, yeah, but you say that, but we went here, we went here, we went here. Well, as I've said in previous episodes, Virginia's gearing up. Now I think we are 20 days out from her going to the Dolomites in Italy with her sisters and her mother and her sisters' partners and all that.
Speaker 2What are you going to do with yourself?
Speaker 1Well, I'm in a play.
Speaker 2Oh, that's right so.
Speaker 1I will be moving in. I'll be in a full. I'll be going into tech rehearsals by the time she leaves. She is I'm grateful she's leaving.
Speaker 3She's grateful she's leaving because that that that time period in a production is no bueno and no, but it's.
Speaker 1We're doing Laughter on the 23rd Floor by Neil Simon, and it is a. Neil Simon occasionally does plays that are based on his life. They're kind of quasi-autobiographical and like, if you've ever heard of Brighton Beach Memoirs and Biloxi Blues, those are based on his life as well. Well, this is when he was a young writer for Sid Caesar's, your Show of Shows, back in the late 50s or during the McCarthy era. Okay, and that's kind of one of the subplots throughout all of this as well, everyone's a commie.
Speaker 1Yeah well, yeah, mccarthy's being an asshole about stuff and how it's like. Now we're going to have an observer on the show and that kind of thing and so, and you know, I mean for the kids out there, like who the fuck is Sid Caesar? Well, okay, go watch the 1978 Grease movie. He played the track and baseball coach.
Speaker 3So that's who Sid Caesar is.
Speaker 1But he was a big deal back in the day, as was Milton Berle and all those old vaudevillian-type actors.
Speaker 2Speaking of Milton Berle, and this part did you see that the read like speaking of milton burl and this part did you see that, um, the reed did the like the first night of saturday night live that movie that came out not too long ago. God, you gotta forget the name of it, but it's. It was so well done, especially if you're a saturday night live fan, but yeah, milton burl shows up there oh, there you go.
Speaker 2Yeah, because he's he was big at nbc at that time sure yeah but it's the um, the guy that plays uh shit, he was in the. I'll come back to that belushi right? No, no, he's played by the guy that's in the spider-man movie, that is, the with the mustache oh uh, jk simpson, yes, yeah he plays milton burl and he plays perfectly. Oh yeah, no right, he plays everything perfectly, yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, so, yeah. So we're doing that right now and we're just starting the blocking and everything, and so I play the Sid Caesar character.
Speaker 2How long does it take you to memorize your lines? That would be like the worst part for me. I'm terrified right now.
Speaker 1This is like my first real major Like Clue it is. I'm terrified right now. This is like my first real major clue Clue. Playing Colonel Mustard was not a major role.
Speaker 2This is a big deal, like I have paragraphs for lines. Yeah, that was freak me the hell out, and so it's.
Speaker 1But what I do is I, my process is I first start just by myself, and it helps if we've already blocked the scene, because then I can move around and like, okay, I say this when I'm standing here and I say this, and so that ties it all together, um, so I started. My plan is by well, I'm off until tuesday, um, and then we start doing scene work, which is where he'll like just take one part of the scene and just run it over, so if you're not off book by that night, you will be by the end of gotcha, and that and just that's the director's process. This the director's a guy, young guy named david ratliff, and I worked with him 14 years ago when we did neil simon's rumors, nice.
Speaker 1So when I came to audition for it and he like comes, up he's like I am really happy to see you and I'm like, like, and I'm like he's, and I said, david, it was Neil Simon You're directing. Just tell me what part you're willing to get Like it doesn't matter, just give me any part.
Speaker 2Is it through Oak Ridge again?
Speaker 1No, it is theater Knoxville downtown.
Speaker 2Oh right.
Speaker 1Okay, because this is one of the weird anomalies for this theater season, where TKD has the better season, I feel, than Oak Ridge does.
Speaker 2Wow.
Speaker 1Like there was one show that Oak Ridge had and it was called Art and it was just three guys who were in it and of course I'm doing the casting in my head and, of course, being so presumptuous, but, I'm thinking oh shit, just get Mr Green, professor Plum and me from Clue.
Speaker 3That'd be a fucking home run, you know, Right, right Well then it disappeared.
Speaker 1Well then I found out why recently, because they're now redoing it on Broadway and like James Corden and Neil Patrick Harris are in it Gotcha.
Speaker 1It's going to be a big deal, so that was the only thing that Oak Ridge had going that I was interested in, but everyone is all the actors in the community is like this is weird, that, like TKD, has the better season. So there are a few shows that they're doing that I want to do. Another one coming up is doubt, which is based on what the movie was based on, with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Okay.
Speaker 2And and where exactly is that theater?
Speaker 1It is that theater. It is on south central avenue, so behind the tennessee theater.
Speaker 1Okay, and all of that just along that road, that kind of runs parallel to james white parkway, or yeah, okay, yeah, so that's where it is they finally have their own nice facility and everything, and it's this is the first show I will do be doing in that new facility. Hell yeah, so that's what I've been up to, and so that. So that ends on the 21st of september and then, as per the last show that we did, once we finish a show we go to europe yeah, so we'll be, going to milan and lake como after that.
Speaker 3I love it so I'm interested how long does it take you to learn your lines, especially when you're doing full paragraphs?
Speaker 1I well, I've got most of act one already down, so you, just for those in the background, you can, if you can, hear my dog barking.
Speaker 2We apologize for that he's just being a fucker today and uh it.
Speaker 1It really, if I devote a solid. What I have to do is devote a solid few hours to doing it by myself, and then it helps if I've got a rehearsal shortly after that, where then I can apply it. Um, usually, once I get past gelling those two together, then I'm usually pretty well locked in, and then afterwards it's just me sitting down with the script and just refreshing you do the whole Leonardo DiCaprio and once upon a time in Hollywood, just in the pool with the headphones on, so for me.
Speaker 1So for me, when I know I have it locked in, is if I'm half asleep in bed, about to wake up and I can start running the scenes in my head direct from memory, and everything like that. But that will always happen at some point during any show. That I've done um, or I'll be in the shower and I'll just start doing the lines while I'm in the shower, you know. So that's that done, um, or I'll be in the shower and I'll just start doing the lines while I'm in the shower, you know that's so that's that's I, but I'll tell you that probably by the end of by next weekend.
Speaker 1I should be pretty much all off book by then okay, cool that that's.
Speaker 2Is this the most lines you've ever had, or is that fiddler?
Speaker 1oh, no see, the funny thing with memorizing lines is that it's With musicals the dialogue just bridges two songs, gotcha you know. So it's just like Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish.
Speaker 2Oh song.
Speaker 3Oh what a beautiful morning.
Speaker 1Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish. Don't you worry with the Surrey at the fringe on the top.
Speaker 2Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish with me, it's all or nothing straight plays.
Speaker 1It's. It's the dialogue carries everything. That's all about developing the character and whatnot. So the I think the hardest dialogue I ever had was a show I did in 2016 at the oakridge playhouse called born yesterday, which was based on the movie um. Starring um, I will say, oh fuck, I'm blanking on her name. Uh, julie holland, judy holiday, judy holiday. She won an oscar for the play, but it was a tough play. The dialogue was so heavy and I had paragraphs after paragraphs after paragraphs. That was the hardest dialogue show that I've ever done Gotcha. Everything else has usually been pretty easy.
Speaker 1And when's opening night, September 5th oh shit, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3That clock's a ticking bro.
Speaker 1That's why this boy's gotta be off book by next weekend, because then, once you're once, you no longer have the script in your hand you can then act you know, and gestures and all that shit.
Speaker 1Right now I'm not on stage as much as other characters are, but it's the play is written that when my character's on stage, like he pretty much just dominates the scene, so so it'll be good. It's a good cast. Uh, some people, some people that I've worked with before and, um, um, and other people whom I have not but I've, I know of their work, so so when you get up there, is there a confidence or do you still get butterflies?
Speaker 1always get butterflies, always get butterflies. Yeah, no, it's, it's um, um that. Or the need to go to the bathroom, which then goes away the minute you walk on the stage and utter your first line but, before that yeah, it's a you get a little antsy and everything like that. I mean, I've never been. A little bit of pacing, yes, a lot of pacing. Yeah, um, deep breaths, that kind of thing, right, um, but that's, yeah, that's how it is.
Speaker 1So, so that's what's going on, so that's more local and everything like that, because we could talk about gerrymandering and I really just don't want to get into that today?
Speaker 2I don't want to. That's a shit show. That's just like that's all a shit show. I'll just say what I say every time I hate them all.
Speaker 1Uh, yeah yeah, um, and nothing exciting in sports, right?
Speaker 2no, no all the all thing I can say is just like what was it last weekend where it got into like the 70 degrees type weather? I was like, oh, football's in the air yeah, it's coming.
Speaker 1Yes, that's. This past week has been like that more than anything. Yes, so that that's all I've got is I'm just ready for football, which is like 20 something days three, three weeks.
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah, can't wait. Yeah, get me out of this shit.
Speaker 2Life changes, yes, man like I, I love baseball, but damn braves are terrible, so I don't give a shit, right oh, they're almost as bad as the pirates. Oh god, oh my goodness, what happenedves are terrible. What happened? All of it. Everything Snits like pulling a Biden in the dugout. It's just bad. All injuries Braves just suck. Yeah, they just suck. I'm sorry, it's okay, I'm used to the Braves sucking.
Speaker 3I sucking so I I live I pulled for him during the 80s, so let's not go there you.
Speaker 2You've had many good years I know, but I'm used to the pirates always sucking.
Speaker 1I mean you're, I really stopped following mlb when um mitch williams uh blew game six of the world series by falling off the mound. No by just yeah, just by throwing a wild pitch, that became a hit and that's ended the game and I'm like well, first it was with all Philadelphia sports. I was just out Because also, I had been experiencing like Philly's on the street. Now though I can't, I don't, I so don't care. Eagles Phillies.
Speaker 1Like when the Eagles Flyers when I see all my friends going like Eagles strong and all that kind of shit, fly, fly, and I'm just like I just don't care. You know um. You know I was there when randall cunningham was quarterback. Like every season started with like his knee blown out, so we end up with jim mcmahon from the bears and boobie brister coming from third string quarterback land.
Speaker 1Those are some blasts from the past seriously so so like I just gave up and apparently there's a vol for a guy who was in charge of the vol for life program, anton davis. Yeah, um, and I only know of him well. I'll violate hippa if I say this like I mean I could have been his kids orthodontist. They were never. They were never there. They came in once and like I'm looking at him, I'm like yeah, where do I? Why do I kind of why do? Feeling. I know who you are.
Speaker 2Speaking of all for life. Did you see where Dooley's going to run for Senate in Georgia? I did not see that. I think he's qualified to be a politician. Hasn't been successful at anything he's ever fucking done.
Speaker 3Absolutely Right.
Speaker 1Like, why not?
Speaker 2That's funny.
Speaker 1Oh my.
Speaker 2God, oh my god, yep, yep I was laughing, I'm already blanking.
Speaker 1Who was the football player that tried running for senate down in georgia last time?
Speaker 2oh, I don't know about that.
Speaker 3I was like trump was harsha walker.
Speaker 2Yes, oh yeah, walker yeah oh yeah yeah, harsha walker, like man, every time he spoke he was like buddy you are one CTE Concussion too many bro Like.
Speaker 1I'm so sorry, but like Don't talk, vote.
Speaker 2Don't talk, just give those thumbs up and walk away.
Speaker 3Oh, that's interesting. Oh, Derek Dooley's going to.
Speaker 1Yeah, how about that? I don't know. Oh, derek Dooley's going to. Yeah, how about that?
Speaker 2No, no, crazy.
Speaker 1Now, what do you do when you've had a?
Speaker 2career that's been as shitty as his has been. I don't know, you know.
Speaker 1I mean it's better. He probably has more fucking money than I do. Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2But I mean, I guess, running for.
Speaker 3Senate is better than like a professional poker player. Now, oh really, what? That's what I heard. That's literally being put out to pasture.
Speaker 2I knew we were stuck. When Pruitt was wearing those scars like a condom. He looked uncircumcised.
Speaker 1You know the guy who played Mr Cotter. Welcome Back, cotter.
Speaker 2Ed.
Speaker 1Kaplan. He apparently became huge in the poker world.
Speaker 2He was able to count cards and shit Turned into Rain man.
Speaker 1He probably made more money doing that than he did acting.
Speaker 2That's crazy to me.
Speaker 1Yeah. I wonder how much money?
Speaker 2he stole from Travolta on set. Hey, Travolta, let's go play some cards.
Speaker 3I don't know if Travolta was Travolta, let's go play some cards. I don't know if Travolta was Travolta, yet he was just Vinnie Bobarino, that's true, whoa, wow.
Speaker 2He did have great hair.
Speaker 1No, he had awesome hair. Now he doesn't have any hair.
Speaker 2He doesn't have any hair, all right.
Speaker 1Let's get into it?
Speaker 2Are we going to get into it? Why not?
Recent Celebrity Passings
Speaker 1So, part of the, we are going to go into a heavy topic today. We're going to actually revisit something that both David and I had discussed earlier, and we invite Jimmy along for this because it's something that all three of us share together. We're going to revisit grief, because we've all experienced major losses in our lives recently, and I've talked about my father, which is three and a half years ago. Really, yeah, yeah, can you believe that? No, how the world moves on, that's the. I'll get back to that in a minute. And then your mother passed away last year, right?
Speaker 2Yep, yep Last year.
Speaker 1And then Jimmy's son passed away in a tragic car accident earlier this year, and so it's, we're all on different parts of the road. Yeah, and it's different. You know family members, that's involved and and, uh, you know, whereas I would say on our case, david, you know, ours is a little more expected because the parents get old. You expect that with when you lose your child. That's a whole different type of body.
Speaker 2Yeah, and that's what I was talking about before we got started. We've all hurt, but it's different types of hurts. And yet we haven't experienced the same hurt. Yours was your dad, mine was mom and son, but yet you still have your mom, still have my dad, right, you know, it's just like it's just one of those things like, oh my gosh, like that's crazy. And both of your parents are still alive, right that's right yeah so it's just like it's.
Speaker 2The connection between the three of us was you know I'm I'm glad we have the nuts to have this conversation. There may be weeping yeah, well, you know that shows you got more nuts than anybody. When you're able to cry about certain things. Man. To me you're not a man unless you show your true emotions. You know that whole swallowing.
Speaker 1That shit is bull crap, man. No, I hear that it's a whole different world now for us and everything. So, Jimmy, you kind of want to start us down the road and share your journey a little bit.
Speaker 3Yeah, I can. So, yeah, in January, my son passed away in a tragic car accident, you know. So, one thing I've learned about grief is, you know, everybody grieves differently. So, you know, I'll just probably share how I did, but, um, and maybe that'll help somebody out, um, but I, it was something that I literally could not comprehend. Um, like I, just I, there was so many emotions and, you know, I just couldn't wrap my head around it, um, so, basically, I mean, I didn't.
Speaker 3I think I had a couple of paths I could have gone down, um, and some of them were more destructive, um, but you know, there was a lot of people around me that helped out and, and you know, kind of kind of kept me afloat, um, but the one thing that that kind of saved me was just, um, you know, being a dad, you, you always want to know where your child's at, and you know, and, and not being able there to touch him and see him, and, and you know, so it was, it was something that I needed to investigate and so, literally, I went, you know, I started, you know, doing a lot of praying, and you know, I started, you know, doing a lot of praying, reaching out to God. You know, just trying to understand. You know what exactly, what's the plan? Because you know, in the grand scheme of things, I mean, you know, the one thing that kept me going is, who am I to question God? So he chose this for a reason, and so I got to accept that I don't know what the reason is, but I'm still trying to figure it out.
Speaker 3But, just you know, just been doing a lot of praying, just you know, doing a lot of reading, and that's helped out as well, and just the community has helped out big time. I mean, obviously I've been going, helped out as well, um, and then just the community's helped out big time.
Speaker 1I mean, obviously I've been going through counseling as well, um, I was going to ask you that Are you like doing any therapy or anything like that?
Speaker 3I did it short term, to be honest. I didn't feel and I don't want to come across the wrong way but I felt like I didn't really need counseling. I really needed. It was more just talking, talking through it, like I felt like I didn't really need counseling. I really needed. It was more just talking, talking through it, like I felt like I talked more than than you know get the advice I was given and it was just like me talking myself into you know you need to go.
Speaker 3Yeah, just like hey, how am I going to process this? How am I going to move forward? How am I going to? You know help, you know how am I going to turn this negative into a positive? And so that's. That's exactly what I've been doing lately. Um, I like I said, counseling was short term, and then now my kids are still in counseling. Um, it's a little bit harder for them to process.
Speaker 1How have they managed this?
Speaker 3Uh, you know, the younger one addison, I mean she, it's just she's so young and she just doesn't fully comprehend. I think it's gonna hit her when she gets older. Um, but she, uh, more of he's just not here, you know, and it was just like, how do I deal with it? You know I miss him, but you know, and she kind of, you know she's pretty resilient, you know she, I didn't see her crash.
Speaker 2The younger they are, the quicker they are to adapt yeah, my oldest she she had.
Speaker 3You know it was a little harder for her to you know, grasp and understand and you know how to move forward because they were so close in age, they were best friends, so it was a little harder for her.
Speaker 2The biggest part for me was just, you know, just I don't know about you, I feel like this, but was just just drop dead shock, like it was. Just you know that they always say like that the next minute your life changes right, and it was. I mean, I was. I was one phone calls like I'm, I'm living my life, not thinking about anything, and then it was just like, hey, you know, you know she's gone, and like just that whole initial shock of it all and you don't know how you handle that stuff. Like I was at a damn big-ass, massive tailgate party for the Alabama-Tennessee game that I was somewhat hosting. I mean I got it and just the whole shock of it all. I went back up like nothing happened. It was still weird. But like went back up like nothing happened. It was still weird, but like I just like obviously there was nothing I could do about it, but just that whole, that whole processing, you know, like in the back of my mind, like I know I was talking to people, but I was, I was not there whatsoever. It was just in my back of my mind. It was just like it was just this constant, just really trying to process it and I couldn't at all.
Speaker 2I don't think I fully crash-crashed and the realization hit me until about I don't know about, eight hours later, just all of a sudden it's like holy shit, she's gone. And you know, there aren't any more phone calls, there aren't any more text messages. That the levity of it all hit me way later than I ever thought, you know, because I'd never gone through it before, I never lost a parent before. So I didn't know. You know, it's like everyone it was.
Speaker 2It took me forever for me to process it. I don't know why. I don't know if it was just my body and my like you know, my heart going well, it's just not true. And fighting it, you know, just fighting that reality or what. But I mean it got down to where. I mean it was a long time before. It was just like yo it's done, man, like it it's done, and and and that was the, that was the hardest part for me. It just I always felt wrong about it like. I always felt like I should have just like crashed right then and there, when I got the news.
Speaker 1But I didn't and I think the humbling thing, I think what I've learned with my father's passing and other people in my life who've passed away, and is that the world moves on, the world just goes on, and it's nuts, it's, it's, you know. So, yeah, it's been three and a half years since my dad passed, and so I'm okay. Um, I I miss talking to him a lot.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1But I kind of got over the whole ugly cry quickly, like that was pretty much gone by the end of the first year. The first Father's Day was rough. Yeah, the year of the firsts is always rough.
Speaker 2Yeah, mine was the birthday.
Speaker 1Yeah, that one Mother's Day, christmas, all that stuff never really fucked with me, but birthday came around yeah, it was bad well, you know, but also though, in our cases though, you know, our parents are elderly and my dad had multiple myelomas, so you always kind of had an idea that one day you were going to get the phone call right, and you know, I mean, I didn't need a magic eight ball to tell me outlook not good you know so you know it was nice, as we were celebrating my 50th birthday he had just gotten the remission diagnosis and you know that didn't exactly stick the landing, you know.
Speaker 1You know, because it was three years later that then he was gone and and I just there are things I wish I could do differently in the last days before he passed, like when my mom, the day before he died, like he had been septic and like was altered mentally and his tongue sounded swollen, like you know, and so talking to him was difficult and he was just I mean, he was it was literally a shit storm.
Speaker 3Like his body was just evacuating everything.
Speaker 2It wasn't your dad. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1And. But I told him on the phone, I said Dad. I said don't be a hero with this, get your ass to a hospital, don't fuck around on this. He goes I'm not fucking around, but I am going to beat this. And that was him, he positive thinker, norman Vincent Peale, power positive thinker until the end.
Speaker 2Growing up with that could be irritating at times. You want to go. Dad, fuck you. The world sucks sometimes.
Speaker 1There's nothing positive, but what I wish is when mom mom then called me at three o'clock in the morning to tell me he'd been admitted to the hospital. My regret is I didn't hit the road right then. Uh, my sister got there in time to be there in the room and hold his hand when he died and everything like that. I was just outside newberry, south carolina, when I got the phone call that it was over.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1And and, um, you know, and before you know, when I first got the call that mom was taking him to the hospital, I was in a band rehearsal at the time, and so I'm driving home from Oak Ridge and I remember sitting there at a stoplight right there at Emory Valley and and, uh, lafayette, and just going one of the few times I pray, cause I'm not a very religious guy, right, I'm like please don't take my dad, just please don't take my dad.
Speaker 1And you know, and so there it is. And so here we are, three and a half years later. And you know, there's, you know you have family members that you have to manage. Oh yeah, well, my mother, I mean this has been a journey because now she's got early, you know dementia coming in and whatnot.
Speaker 2So my biggest thing, and I'm sorry, no, it is.
Speaker 2Go ahead. My biggest part of it, too, is just that, that looking back of like the woulda coulda shouldas, looking back of like the woulda coulda shouldas. I mean that my first time that I was doing that was a phone call. My middle brother, yeah of, just you know, just checking in, you know it had happened, I hadn't gotten there yet and but it was just like man, I I should have, I should have gone home more, I should have done this more, I should have done that more and you should have done that more. And you know, I'm so glad that my brother told me he's like man, you cannot fucking do that yourself. And luckily my middle brothers hit me in the head enough times to where it was like okay.
Speaker 3I'm listening.
Speaker 2You know what I mean, where it was just like, man, don't, you cannot fucking do that. So I was in that quicksand moment. I don't know if y'all ever have those moments where it's like you know you're sinking and you're gonna start doing shit, that you know you're gonna sink more or you're, or you're gonna reach out and that you know, luckily, my brother was like don't you fucking do it, like, don't you dare do it like you.
Speaker 2You can't do that yourself, it's not gonna, it's not gonna change anything. That was the roughest part for me, because I there's always that what, if you know?
Speaker 1it's always that woulda, coulda, shoulda right, that you could just, you could just stare at you take our situations and again, parents, they've had their lives, they've had their lives and everything like that. Now we're dealing with Charlie here, who didn't get to have that, you know, and that, and that is just like it's. I find it inconceivable. I like just what you have emotionally had to deal with and and the the what, ifs and you know, and there there are are. I've had friends and family, friends and whatnot that died as teenagers, and one of my best friends died when he was 19 years old in a motorcycle accident and they're trapped at that age forever. And so here I am, 56, and he's still 19. And you know, and you just kind of wonder what? Where would the road have led Right? And you know, I mean so what has been your process? I mean, like, just where does your head go with with all of this? Just the potential that, the potential that was there and is, I mean.
Speaker 3Yeah, I mean, uh, you know I've been through the, like you said, the what ifs, especially that last day. You know, I mean I always tell people I said I've been through the, like you said, the what ifs, especially that last day. You know, I mean I always tell people I said I could have won the Powerball three times over for that to ever happen. You know, it was just one of those things that should and would never happen, but it did, you know. But, yeah, the one thing that I hang on is just how he did live his life and instead of, you know, trying to understand what his life would have been, because I mean that's just, that's not going to help for me, because we're never going down that road, we're never going down that road.
Fort Lauderdale Vacation and Theater Plans
Speaker 3So so more of I just like to reflect on you know, how good of a kid he was, how good of a person he was and all the good things that he did. You know, just um, you know kind of kind of hang on that, you know, instead of going down the other route. I will say this both of you guys had mentioned the phone call and I guess, if no, if somebody listening, if, if you've never, had that phone call before you just, it's the worst thing ever.
Speaker 3Never forget it. And do you guys ever worry about getting another phone call like what did it stop at a certain time? Or you mean with the kids? Just?
Speaker 1anybody. Um well, my mother is 84 and physically she's in good health now, mentally not so much. Um, so, yeah, I live with that, but that is now for me. I'm expecting it. Like you know, it could be tomorrow, it could be eight years from, but I think now I'm ready for it. Um, jacqueline, my oldest, asked me if my greatest fear was losing them, any of my, my three children, and I'm like, yeah, that's, my biggest fear, is, is is what you've experienced and and um, be, you know, and just yeah, I, I, just I can't, I just can't imagine.
Speaker 2I, I'm actually really glad that you just asked that fucking question. I've never, I've never thought of it at that at that angle before. Um, but to answer it, yeah, I am petrified about that next phone call, no matter who the fuck it is. Like, yeah, but I have changed, you know, from it. Like I truly do feel like I have become a better person from it, but I've never really I've got to process that fucking question, yeah, of like, are you, are you really? You know? I guess you know as a human and and the people that are, you know we're, we're fathers and we're friends and we're brothers and and and all of that. We, you can't live scared either too, right? No?
Speaker 3you can't, you've got to Carpe diem. Yeah, man.
Speaker 2And I think I've done that a lot more. I guess I just don't want to have the same woulda coulda shouldas with the next phone call as I did with this last one is the best way for me to put that.
Speaker 1Have you found, jimmy, that that has kind of reorganized the way that you parent or have the relationship you have with your other children?
Speaker 3Um, well, you know, always, you know, I felt like I've always had a pretty good relationship with my kids, right, but but yeah, I mean, you just never know, and and so have you become more overprotective, like not even realizing it?
Speaker 3yeah, very much, so yeah, I mean my daughter's, my daughter's bubble wrap, she's literally driving back from austin p right now and I sent her a long text message. Don't text, Don't take your eyes off the road, Don't speed. And it's like because I always wonder what if I said that to my son before he got in the car that day, who knows? And so it's the what ifs?
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Charlie's accident happened just as Jeffrey was going back to school and like I just took him aside, I just kind of put my hands on his shoulder. I said, will you please, please, be careful. You know it's yeah, no, I mean it. Just your experience was kind of resonating through me a little bit and I'm just like, oh god, please, guys, just please yeah, listen, listen, just fucking listen, god damn it I'm trying to make your lives easier.
Speaker 2You know, I've got this sage like advice, but uh but it's really weird.
Speaker 3Like I was saying earlier, I mean I could have won the power ball. I mean, if you think about everything that happened that day, um, it just makes me wonder you know, or or you know, when it's your time, it's your time.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, no, I I get that. You know I I struggle with what you said earlier about God has a plan and everything. When I was, I mentioned my friend who died when he was, when we were 19 years old, and I struggled because I remember a friend saying the same thing was God's plan and so on and so forth, and it was probably then the last real connection I had with the clergy. After that my pastor came over and had um, had a long we just had a long talk about all that and I said I'm really struggling with this being the plan and the things that he shared with me at the time.
Speaker 1I mean, I'm not going to get into any of that, but just it really helped me but also it kind of just it for me, me set my narrative that I just am not a very religious person now and, and you know, and so, whatever coping mechanism you have, it's I mean you know you do what you got to do to get through this and everything and and but, uh, you know, I mean I was telling david earlier that I just had a high school classmate pass away this week. Oh, I told you to, and, and you know, connie had peritoneal cancer and everything, and I mean I don't think I ever really spoke to her in high school and everything. But for some reason we're connected on Facebook and that's great. But watching her and another high school classmate, they got together after having been in previous marriages and having kids and they then found each other and they got married.
Speaker 1And sometimes that's the glory of the cesspool that is Facebook is that you get to witness a narrative like that. And she handled her cancer with this resilience and this strength and this dignity and really was an inspiration to a lot of people. You know, and you know I was telling David earlier this is the thing that sucks about when you get to my age. You know part of the reason why your circle gets a little smaller with each passing year, and uh, well, I mean to add on the.
Speaker 2You know you get to see the, the glory of it.
Speaker 3So you got a foundation now, yeah, right, talk about that, yeah, so, um, we've raised some money, we uh, so, uh, just let me back back up a little bit. So we, we were out on vacation one one year and and and charlie's always like, he was always a giving person, like even with his sisters, like he would just if he had something and they wanted it, he'd just give it to him. You know he wasn't a hoarder, or you know he didn't want to just get things, was he not?
Speaker 1yeah he was in the middle.
Speaker 3He wanted to please everybody. So he will if. If you know, he didn't want to just get things. He was in the middle, was he not? Yeah, he was in the middle, he wanted to please everybody. So, if you know, he had something they wanted. Oh yeah, here you go. But we were on vacation one year and you know, we were walking past a homeless guy and I turned around and Charlie stopped walking. He reached in his pocket and grabbed $20 and handed it to the guy. It was only $20 he had.
Speaker 3I mean, he was a young kid and so I didn't really think much of it, or you know I, you know I praised him and said, hey, you did a good thing. And you know, years later, you know, when me and him were having the struggles, um, through his teenage years, I wrote him a letter and told him all the good things that I thought about him and I I actually uh, mentioned that incident in the in the uh letter. Um, so, you know, after Charlie's passing, my daughter, you know, she, brought me the letter. Apparently, he had it pinned on his wall at his mom's house. So I reread it and I was like, ah, you know, it brought back a lot of memories and I was like, ah, you know what, let's turn this negative into a positive.
Speaker 3So we raised some money and we actually donated. Well, he worked at Food City, so they've been awesome with us, they've done a lot of things for us. So what we're doing is we use the money to purchase food at food city and then we're feeding the homeless with it. So I think, as of today, we've raised, you know, over $8,000 for that.
Speaker 2So that's awesome.
Speaker 3So that's good. And then it got connected with a lady over there. So there's a homeless facility right here in West Knoxville If you didn't know about it, cokesbury runs it and yeah, I've been going over there and donating, you know volunteering my time, you know just in helping out and you know just trying to understand it a little bit better. But yeah, and then we also gave a. We have a scholarship fund in his name that we gave away His first. We did the first one this year, um, and we plan to do many more in the future that's fantastic.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's awesome yeah, seriously more power to you, brother, like I like what you were doing at faith promise, I mean at that particular night like I, I was, I was just sitting there.
Speaker 1Seriously, we were just both like, wow, how do you get? I don't know if I could have gotten up and said the things that you said.
Speaker 2I wouldn't have been able to say two words, man.
Speaker 3I mean, and that's the funny thing is, I couldn't get through a sentence for that whole entire period and I just kept saying, hey, I don't want to let them down, yeah, sure, don't want to let them down. And so I was backstage and I was like you know, suck it up. You know, do them some honor. And it was tough. I mean, it was tough.
Speaker 1So you mentioned earlier that your girls are still in counseling and whatnot, and so how do you sense that they are doing right now?
Speaker 3Yeah, on the surface I mean good, I mean I feel like they're thriving, I mean they're getting through it. You know, it's just one of those things that I mean unless you go through it, it's one of those things you can't really explain oh fuck for sure.
Speaker 2So I mean on the surface they're fine, but I mean deep down, I mean I'm sure that, yeah, it's you know it's revisited all the time and I could see it and it comes in pockets it all the time and and I could see it and it comes in pockets and and it's just almost one of those things you hope they just shut the door, lock the door, put the key away and when they need to open that door back up, they have the ability to. Yeah, as long as it's just not always, but you know right you know, grief doesn't work that way.
Speaker 1It visits at very different times, right, you know, you think one second and then it's just you. You know you'll be watching Field of Dreams, dad you want to have a catch, and then you're just losing your shit over that you know Right, and you know it's.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1So how are you?
Speaker 3doing. I'm good, you know. I mean, it's a struggle every day, I'm sure. But you know, just like I said, just reading, trying to do good things, and I mean you know lots of praying, just trying to understand. I'll tell you a story. Sure, this still makes the hairs on my arms stand up every time I tell it. But you know, I kept praying, and praying every day, just like, hey, you know, give me a sign that Charlie's in heaven. You know, just blah, blah, blah, and it kept going. I kept doing it day after day.
Speaker 3Well, one day I was walking upstairs and I went to my daughter's room. Her room sits on the. They're both upstairs to where Charlie's room is, but they're on opposite sides of the house and, um, so I can go up the stairs and not see his room, um, and then go to her room. So that's, I was heading to her room, talk to her for a little bit, and then started walking downstairs and something stopped me when I was walking down the stairs and and it hey, go to charlie's room, and I just ignore it. You know, you, you get those things in your head all the time and I took another step and it said go to charlie's room.
Speaker 3So I walk in there to charlie's room and his led lights in his room were just going nuts, like just flashing everywhere. And I was like holy moly, you know I, I went to every room in the house there we have led lights, and almost in the whole basement, and all the kids rooms went to every room. None of them came on, only that one. And I was like, oh, there's my son. So I, I don't know it was, it was, I don't know. It was pretty powerful for me, it was, it was you know, just curious, what'd you do like?
Speaker 2did you at that moment, like you didn't turn the lights off?
Speaker 3huh no I was just like you just sit there and stare at him forever pretty much, I mean I was just like in awe, I was just like, did you just sit there and stare at them forever? Pretty much, I mean I was just like in awe, I was just like I didn't process it that that was happening. You know, I was just like what the fuck? And then it took me like it took me like about 15 or 20 minutes to process everything.
Speaker 3And then I started running around the house like let me make sure that this isn't just a glitch, or you know Right.
Speaker 2It's like, no, just his room, and uh, you know. So you were looking for a logical answer and didn't get one.
Speaker 3Yeah, exactly, I was like let me, let me eliminate every, every possibility that it could be Right. And then, once I did, I was like, okay, there's my son, so kind of put me at peace a little bit.
Speaker 1Yeah, my dad's voice is still on the outgoing message of the answering machine at my mom's house oh, wow so when she's not there, that's.
Speaker 3That's a real surreal moment. You call just to hear is that good or bad?
Speaker 1I have been so close at times to just leaving a message, hey dad, or texting his phone, which I know is still active. I don't know why they haven't shut down his cellular phone service. Right, you know, my mom has the money, so okay.
Speaker 2Right right, right right. But um, to her it's just a bill right now.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, exactly no-transcript. All due to some form of accident you know, car accident, motorcycle accident, something like that. And, um, it took me a long time now with my father's passing. It's funny because and let me know, if you kind of feel the way to david like I feel like a part of his spirit then entered my body in a way. Maybe it could be the same for you too, jimmy. Um, that, so the the problematic parts of my personality kind of took the edge off, a kind of pulled back a little bit.
Speaker 1Well, I had just started also therapy, and for completely different reasons. When I started therapy I was just, you know, I have a great life and everything, and Virginia and I had gotten married and everything. Why am I pissed off all the time? And that immediately, two weeks later, became grief management and the first counts, the first therapist that I had. He was good, but I just I, I don't think he was. The guy that I have now is fantastic and, um, um, you know, and it's not. We always talk about grief or anything like that, but he'll sometimes bring it back around to that and he'll ask me how mom is doing and you know, and the kids and I we don't talk about it much anymore, but it is my father's passing has helped me to reappreciate my relationship with my children and more so my my relationship with Virginia, you know, because she has just been the rock for me throughout all of this, you know, I mean just you know it's uh well, you?
Speaker 2I guess this is a kind of a weird thing. So you have, you have the answering machine. My dad, who was married to my mom for over 50 years I mean, they were high school sweethearts, everything like as soon as she passed. Man, like he was, like he was cleaning up the house he purged.
Speaker 2He fucked like by my mom, was a unfortunately somewhat of a hoarder, um, but like he didn't like preserve damn near anything. And we were, I mean, we were almost to the point of just like slow the fuck down, man, Like I don't even think you realize what you're fucking throwing away at this point. You know, just like slow down. But he never did. But my question to you, like what, what'd you do with his? What'd you do with his room?
Speaker 3Uh, it's, it's with his room. Uh, it's, it's. I mean, still the same, still the same. Um, I actually went through the same thing. I purged and I'm not his things, but just to stay, keep my mind busy, I was going through the house I was, I was going through the attic cleaning the attic. I do that too like if I'm like mentally fucked.
Speaker 1I'm cleaning, yeah, I don't know why, but yeah I mean, I mean, I just chaotic situation, yeah, yeah, but go ahead.
Speaker 3But, yeah, I was, I was, I was doing the same thing that your dad was doing, and it was great because I was uncovering all these like hidden things that I'd squirreled away you know, memories with him and stuff, so I was able to, you know, compile them all together and and yeah, and yeah, his room's still there. I mean, his room, uh, is basically where I go pray. I do it every morning. It's religious. Every morning I wake up and every night, before I go to bed, and you know, I just kneel at his bed and talk to him and and you know, so, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3Oh.
Speaker 1Damn dude, Mike, that's serious, that's. I may lose my shit in a minute over that.
Speaker 3That one.
Speaker 1Well, you know, I mean Jesus, I mean where I, I mean I don't have the conversations in the car with my father. You know, on a metaphysical level, it's really just, it's just the statement I miss you, dad.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1And that's enough. I just miss you. He was my guy, he was my go-to, he was the person I spoke to, shared everything with you, know, and, and, uh, and literally my best friend.
Discussing Grief and Personal Losses
Speaker 1there's a he was a groomsman in my first wedding and I gave him a mug. That said to my best man, to my best friend, to my father, and it's sitting there on his desk down in Hilton Head and you know, and it's. You know you talk about like how you've left Charlie's room. It's the same like the study down in Hilton Head is. Mom doesn't generally go in there. Lisa and I go in there because dad was meticulous with his filing, which he passed on to me, which I passed on to jacklyn and um, you know. So if you need to find a specific item, like you, there's a file for it somewhere. You know she doesn't go on his computer at all, you know, and I mean it's. I don't even know if we can access it now, like apple passwords and everything like that, but so yeah, no, so I get it. The rooms that are untouched and like my dad's closet still has most of his clothing in it and my dad's remains are in a cardboard box in that closet. Right now we haven't.
Speaker 1I have a really I have two small little urns upstairs in the living room you know um, but also my both my maternal grandparents. Their remains are in there too. And and what the heck?
Speaker 1well that's a sore point with me because my, my, my papa had asked my dad a long time ago, like my dad had asked him, what his wishes were when his time came. And this is after my grandmother had died. This is like 2000. And he's like, well, I'd really like to be cremated and, if possible, you know my ashes sprinkled in the Rocky Mountains. My dad's like, well, we can do that. And he was just like you would really do that. And he's that. He's like, yeah, well, we haven't done that. And that's been a sore point with me because my mother quote just can't handle doing that unquote, which I've had to bite back screaming header.
Speaker 1This isn't about you, yeah right, you know yeah his, were his wishes, right, you know, and, and those are. Those are the kinds of things where you kind of learn a lot about something, about somebody, and and like, okay, so I wouldn't entrust you with my, my final wishes either. You know, right, and um, um and this is not to take a shot at my mom or anything like that I mean she, she's processed right now. I mean her golden grief losing her parents and then this, and you know, I mean she, she's processed right now, I mean her golden grief losing her parents.
Speaker 2and then this and you know, I mean she's you know, I mean that's everybody's different, everyone's different.
Speaker 1And so my sister and I have discussed it recently, because Lisa's down there right now will and trust documents, just in case I pre-deceased her, the way it would be that my share of the estate would then just skip and go right to the kids. Well, I wanted to make sure virginia was a little bit covered. So it was just it stops at our trust that we have set up that would then be disseminated according to those instructions. So, but additionally, it was apparently we were also detailing specific items that we wanted to earmark and so like for me there's a grand piano down there that will go to me and and then mom's jewelry will go to lisa. And then I said to lisa I go, well, I said you know, at some point I think we talk about grandma and papa's remains and like going out to the rockies and and sprinkling those because that's what they wanted.
Speaker 1And I've been really pissed at mom because she just hasn't refused to do that. Yeah, and lisa's like, well, you know, dad's is in a big cardboard box, they're also in that closet and she goes and we could just wait for mom and maybe do four for one and but, but like when you're also talking about, like here my mom is going with my sister to the attorney to like sign these changes and amendments to the will, and it's like here we're making these plans for when you're gone you know it's like you feel a little shitty and kind of like a vulture a little bit you know, I'm just like I'm just like mom lisa and I I mean lisa and I have yet to talk about what do we want to do with the house?
Speaker 1I mean is, what does one of us want it? You know, I frankly would love to have it, you know, and and buy her out, you know, Right, and and um well, I guess here's my next question, outside of buying off estates you know the old captain america like how do we move on right? Yeah, you know like good reference.
Speaker 2Yeah, end game yeah, there you go all right. But so with your, with your daughter going to austin p, and how old's your youngest? 11, 11 is that?
Speaker 3what is that? Eight uh, sixth grade, sixth grade so how do we move on?
Speaker 2right, so? So what, what are your, what is your thought process? Slash plans, um, yeah, um, to move on from that, you know, I guess I don't, I don't know the right questioning on that. Like, I guess I'll answer my own question. So for me, dad's turning 80 this year and me and my two brothers, he's never been to cooperstown, which is the baseball hall of fame, never been. We're taking him to go and we just showed him the t-shirt and we're like, hey, we're taking you in october and he's losing his shit over that. Like, so we're, we're pouring into dad a little bit more than we ever have before. Because I even asked the question like what, when's the last time just the four of us have gone and done fucking anything without wives, girlfriends, kids, whatever. And we were just sitting there like staring at each other.
Speaker 2So the fact that we're kind of doing that is like you know that's my answer to the question is like how do we move on? We're pouring in a little different way, so do you have plans on that way? Or do you have plans that way, jeff as well, or I?
Speaker 1mean, is it just?
Speaker 2is it different for you? Is it still the same?
Speaker 1The positive that's come out of it is that I have a closer relationship with my mother. I was just naturally closer to my dad, right, and but there's a lot of management with her that is involved. And like, one of the things we're wrestling with right now is how do the holidays because my mother has also developed this anxiety, and even more so with anxiety to traveling, and my sister kind of threw at me well, we're going to probably go down there for Thanksgiving. Like, what are your thoughts on what you're doing for Christmas? Well, here's my current situation.
Speaker 1My ex-wife lives one neighborhood over from me. Her mother moved from middle Tennessee and lives in Loudoun. Virginia's parents live up in Oak Ridge. Max's dad is also in Oak Ridge. It's just easy. Jeffrey will be coming home from Scotland, juliana will be coming in from Los Angeles, jacqueline will be coming in from Spartanburg. It's just easier for all of us to do it here, and so you know I try to bring that up. I brought it up with her a few times this week. You know, what are your thoughts on that? Oh, I don't know about that, and just, and you know you, you have to then tread very lightly, you know, lest you say anything unkind. Well, my mother has, though, these caregivers that come in five days a week for about seven or eight hours a day, and they do a bunch of things for her, like they will for the people that they take care of. They will put together trips for them, like if they all wanted to go on a trip to Europe, they will organize that and send caregivers over there, and what have you?
Speaker 2Well, okay, mosey, on over the mountain, damn it.
Speaker 1And what have you? Well, okay, so would you send a caregiver just a company mom on a plane, get her to Knoxville, then your caregiver hops on the next plane and heads right back to Hilton Head and we have her here for a week or so and then you come up and ferry her right back. And mom initially sounded well, they have their plans too during the. We haven't even asked yet. So let's find out if this is even an option. So that's where things going forward. That's where things is.
Speaker 1It's been a lot of mom management more than anything, and you know we talked about in the building bridges, episodes about. You know, my relationship with my sister is just, I can't say it's bad, it's just kind of a skewed. It's a skewed. It's all over the map a little bit, you know, like, and so we don't talk that much on the phone. It's mostly by text that we talk and it's mostly mom management conversations that we have, you know. But we're also good management conversations that we have, you know. But we're also good, Virginia and I, like, we're going to have to broach the topic at some point. What do we? What are your thoughts on the house? Like, if you don't want it, okay, well, that plays into my plans perfectly, you know, cause I would like to buy her out, you know, and and and own the place, Not that she listens to this podcast, so I know she's never going to say this openly and freely.
Speaker 2This will this ahead of time, so I can say this openly and freely.
Speaker 1This will be the one. This is right somehow lands on. You know, phone's gonna be ringing the net so anyway, no I mean, it's not like that but it's just.
Jimmy's Foundation and Honoring Charlie
Speaker 3You know what about you, jimmy, go ahead, go ahead. Uh, for me, I mean we we've spent the whole summer vacationing. I mean just living it up, getting our minds off of everything and just having fun With my oldest. I mean she's basically an adult now. I mean she's moving on to college.
Speaker 2How hard is that for you it?
Speaker 1was pretty tough. Does it feel like you've A double loss?
Speaker 2Yeah, I didn't want to say it. But I mean like I just know the hurt that I'm getting just from Dylan going to college. It's like, oh man, it's not really a loss. Nothing, I mean it's not really a loss, but it is so sorry.
Speaker 3Yeah, I mean, but I mean it is I mean because they're not around like you're normally used to. And so, yeah, I mean we went from a house with four kids and now we're down to two in a matter of months. So I mean it's pretty crazy. And you know, with my youngest I mean she plays a lot of sports and you know I always coached my son all the way through and I was super tough on him all the time, you know being his coach and his dad, and we always tried to keep that separation, but it was always tough. But my daughter is like, hey, dad, do you want to coach? And I was like nope, absolutely not. I want to sit in the stands, I want to clap, I want to love on you, good for you for doing that.
Speaker 3I'm just at that point where some of the regrets I had I wouldn't call them regrets, but just some of the things I could have done differently that really don't matter, cause you know when you get to a certain end. None of us play sports right. I mean we're, we have careers, and you know only what certain amount of 1% of individuals play sports for their lives yeah exactly, so I mean why do we get off my check?
Speaker 3Neither of us are six five and two 30 and can run a 4 140. So no, I mean people put so much into it, but I mean it's coming to an end soon and so you only have those years and uh, you know, I just want to also prepare for other things in life and yeah, other than that, I was so happy when d Dylan was done with basketball, Like it was like halfway through.
Speaker 1I remember how happy you were.
Speaker 2Yeah, but it was just halfway through senior season of basketball and like just hearing the vile shit coming out of the stands and stuff, oh yeah, over nothing, and I'm like oh my. God, I can't, I gotta get.
Speaker 1I'm so fucking happy same when soccer finally came to a close like I mean so jeffrey, his junior year he, he played jv for webb, but they allowed him to play up when the tournament time came on, and so they won state that year, and so his name is on the trophy. He didn't play one minute at a time, though, but don't matter, don't matter.
Speaker 2His legacy is there he got a ring.
Speaker 1He's got a ring, you know, and uh but he was also smart enough about it, his senior. He's like yeah, I'm not gonna go out for soccer because he was afraid that I'm going to be the only senior on jv and you know and and fuck too just enjoy your senior year yeah, and so he did track, which you know. Fuck you if you do track. That's what I say, because I mean that's like a five hour commitment for every meet, you know talk your kids out of it, if you can.
Speaker 1That's swimming, yeah but I was no, look to your point. I was very happy that when soccer kind of came to an end, yeah, and it wasn't just the, it wasn't the going to no, it was the vile shit you had to deal with. Other, it was the other parents.
Speaker 2Man, like listen, let me tell you something. If anybody y'all listen to this and y'all are a toxic fucking parent, the the stands. Fucking. Quit that shit.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Can you imagine being an ump or a ref at any of this shit from rec league on, can you imagine?
Speaker 3Nah.
Speaker 1And Grace Christian, I'd be in jail. I'm talking to you, I'm serious. They were the worst fucking sports. The parents were just the worst.
Speaker 2Go to Alcoa Maryville, anything.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, but I would expect that, given the rivalry. But still.
Speaker 3Where was it where the guy body slammed the referee a couple months ago?
Speaker 2Oh, I didn't hear about that. Yeah, so the kid's shooting a three-pointer in the corner. Kid fouled him like hardcore, like flat out tackled the shit out of him. The coach is trying to split them two because obviously those two kids are mad. The father of the kid that made the foul fucking goes water boy on that coach holy shit yeah, I mean dead ass spiriting and like what are you? What are you doing? It's basketball, that's quality h2o, to go a little bit lighter. If y'all haven't seen happy gilmore too, really it's great, it's absolutely perfect, yeah okay
Speaker 1if you is it another one of those movies that we needed yeah, well it if you are a fan of happy gilmore, yeah sure, yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2It is the absolute perfect. I couldn't have asked for anything more for a sequel to a movie. Yeah it was good.
Speaker 1Jeffrey told me it was like I may write down.
Speaker 2Happy gilmore 2, maybe the the greatest sequel over empire strikes back well, I still go back to though top gun, maverick was the movie that we all needed coming out of the pandemic. You know like that, that and Tal Kilmer and all I mean it just oh, that was a good movie, you know, and did y'all see that last day of Mission Impossible? Oh, that was great.
Speaker 3Holy shit.
Speaker 2I gotta watch that.
Speaker 3Three hours of straight.
Speaker 2It was nonstop action, really he had the last, what 45 minutes of the movie. Everyone was afraid to say anything. Like you couldn't burp, fart, whisper, eat a bite of popcorn, nothing. You were just totally ingrained in Tom Cruise and it was fucking amazing. Like he deserves every damn dollar he gets.
Speaker 1I'm sure that's like $100-catrillion dollars, but whatever but I think it's great, like because, well, I watched the first mission impossible. When was that?
Speaker 2like 96, 96, yeah, so like 30 years ago and they, they pay homage to it as well, yeah really.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's really cool. I mean, where do you get a series like you get that and fast and the furious, and those are really the only two that have like just gone as long I haven't either but I have. I have the whole series on DVD.
Speaker 3I've never watched them though collecting dust and right, exactly, yeah, where it needs to be. Bought it cheap at Target.
Speaker 2I'm like okay, I'll get around to watching these ones, and I just don't have time to watch that shit anymore no, because I'm watching Fargo right now.
Speaker 1Boy it just throws the dickens out of me.
Speaker 2It's a fucking great movie. I've got to wrap it up, man, all right, man? Well, listen, listen.
Speaker 1I know that it was tough, jimmy, it was wonderful having you on the show and thank you for testifying, for sharing your path and everything, and I hope that all of this has been able to give one of our, however many, listeners, depending on the episode.
Speaker 2I'm really hoping that this hits a lot of people. I guarantee you the right person will hear this at the right time.
Speaker 1Yes, without a shadow of a fucking doubt it is, but I appreciate living this journey of fucking life with you guys.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's wonderful we're getting close to a decade of a fucking doubt. It is, but I appreciate living this journey of fucking life with you guys.
Speaker 3yeah, yeah, it's wonderful we're getting close to a decade of doing it together and I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, I know I'm not the I know I'm an acquired taste, but I appreciate both of you.
Moving Forward After Loss
Speaker 1It's all right, it's all good. And listen, you're an acquired taste, jesus christ man, you know, I suppose anyone talks to me it's because your money I'm not surprised. So to share with our, with share with our listeners I've started today wearing this posture corrector that I just bought and, yeah, as he said, he was the oldest one of the group. We're looking at him in a fucking posture corrector.
Speaker 2Yeah, but like bought. And yeah, as he said, he was the oldest one of the group. We're looking at him in a fucking posture corrector.
Speaker 1Yeah, but like it helps.
Speaker 2Where's the copper tone?
Speaker 1it's uh, it's uh. You know like it's. Like I told my wife. I said you know, it's gonna probably make me two inches taller and she goes too bad, it's not gonna make it two inches longer. You know what everyone? We just ask you. At the end of the day, everyone just needs to be decent, please.
Speaker 2God, yes, just whoever's in front of you, be nice to them. Everyone's got a story, everyone's got a journey. Everyone's struggling.
Speaker 1We're all just trying to get through this thing called life Electric word life and that means forever, and it's a mighty long time.
Speaker 2God dog, what did he just preach?
Speaker 1at, but I'm here to tell you there's something else.
Speaker 2Cheers, cheers. We had the jam of our lives, jam of our lives.
