The Power of Self-Discovery in Building a Lasting Connection

Ever felt the sting of rejection or the pressure of societal expectations in your love life? Tune in as we, Liv and Shelby, candidly traverse the emotional battleground of relationships and self-discovery. This heart-to-heart is a journey from the lure of social media's perfect couples to the raw truths of dating, and how personal growth is paramount to finding love that lasts. We're sharing our own tales of misplaced validation and the turning point that led us to realize that prince charming doesn't always ride in when you expect him to.

Valentine's Day is looming, and with it, the weight of being single can feel like a ton of bricks. But here's a different perspective—consider it an opportunity to honor the most enduring love affair you'll ever have: the one with yourself. We dissect the notion of grand romantic gestures and swap them for the beauty found in life's simple moments. Through our stories of heartbreak and self-affirmation, discover how knowing your worth is the compass to navigating the dating world and how readiness and commitment levels can make or break a potential match.

Lastly, we examine the intricacies of love languages and the dynamics they play in partnerships. Are you someone who thrives on words of affirmation, or do you feel most loved through acts of service? We share our evolution in understanding these languages and the delicate balance of masculine and feminine energies in a healthy relationship. We're inviting you to engage with us, share your thoughts, and maybe even hear from the men in our lives in future episodes. It's a conversation about love that's as real as it gets, and we're thrilled to have you join us.

Follow the Podcast: @evolveorrepeat.thepodcast

Follow Liv: @livwerth @livedin.studio
Follow Shelby: @the.shelbylenae

Transcript

Love, Relationships, and Personal Growth

Shelby 0:00

I think people have fallen in the trap where they hold the person that they're in a relationship with to an unrealistic standard and they think that their significant other should be doing everything that the boyfriends on the internet are doing. And that's just not it. Hey, we're Liv and Shelby, and we're two Midwest 20-somethings fascinated with all things personal growth, healing and evolving into the best version of yourself possible.

Liv 0:26

Over the last four years, we've gone from lost, sad and broke to secure, confident, abundant and full of purpose.

Shelby 0:33

Now we're inviting you along our journey to we teach you everything we've learned thus far and the secrets to building a life you truly love.

Liv 0:39

Think it's all rainbows and butterflies. Think again. Friendships, social media relationships and navigating a self-growth journey are all topics we dive into.

Shelby 0:47

Think of this as a 2 am conversation with your best friend, mixed with the hard truths and obstacles needed to level up.

Liv 0:53

So grab your favorite emotional support drink, make sure you're comfy and get ready to challenge your limiting beliefs that you didn't even know you had. This is Evolve or Repeat.

Shelby 1:03

Figuring out how to start these episodes is actually will be the death of me. It will be the death of me because I just we sit here and I'm like, okay, great.

Liv 1:10

Well, it took us 30 minutes to figure it out, but well Shelby to figure it out. I'm clueless when it comes to technology.

Shelby 1:16

If anybody listening to this has a podcast and records or audio using GarageBand, you know the struggle okay. But we're working with oh my God at this point.

Liv 1:27

Also, these chairs make me want to fall asleep.

Shelby 1:29

I know we're back in the movie theater room. It's a vibe. In my apartment building we're sprawled out because I figured out how to actually open the chairs and recline them. It's a vibe, but it's Love Month. We're here to talk about love. I will say, up until like a year or two ago, you and I were not experts on this topic, god no.

Liv 1:54

We work at all. So far from that, I think we were a little delusional, delulu Very delusional. Going for the people that were not meant for us, and toxicity and negativity, and we were just not attracting the right people into our lives because we weren't focused on healing our inner self.

Shelby 2:16

I think we were like searching for pieces that were missing of us and other people.

Liv 2:23

Oh, whoa we're starting off like that.

Shelby 2:27

We're starting off like that.

Shelby 2:29

But, that's real. I think before we met, like our significant others that we have right now, we were constantly I mean, I guess I can only speak for myself, but I was constantly on the I don't want to use the word pro, but, for lack of a better term like searching high and low, left and right for a significant other and a partner, and anytime I would get rejected or it wouldn't work out in my favor. I would attach myself to the outcome of that and make it like make or like make it mean something about who I was as a person.

Liv 3:06

Yeah, you know, blame it on yourself, right.

Shelby 3:09

I was on a date and I thought it went great, but the other person was just like not vibing. I was like oh well, okay, he thinks he's better than me. He fucking hates my guts, you know when. That's not how dating goes like at all.

Liv 3:24

He fucking hates me yeah.

Shelby 3:26

Oh well, okay Cool. He said, he's not feeling me oh.

Liv 3:29

I'm fucking horrible. I'm ugly. I'm literally the ugliest human. I literally ran. But that was actually going on in my brain and it was so sad, like that poor, that poor girl she had so many things to learn about, we were looking for validation in men 100% yeah, which is not the way to go. And then we tried to find. Well, we didn't try to find them. Nice men came to us and then they were right in front of us and we still were delusional.

Shelby 3:54

Yeah.

Liv 3:55

And weren't wanting to accept the nice men at first, right. But then now here we are with the nice men, here we are.

Shelby 4:06

Being single in your twenties and like learning to navigate your future and as, like you move through the years and you you start to like compare yourself to other people that are getting into relationships and you think that you're like on a timeline or like you're behind. And I think that's where my mindset was, as I was seeing all of these other people getting a relationship and I knew that I was a good person and I knew that I had a lot to offer. Somebody I wanted. I just wanted somebody to see that so bad that I was like low key, desperate, and it was like so sad to watch. And it was so sad like looking back on who I was and the way that I would operate, and like I would sit by my phone and look like wait for a text back from a dude that literally gave zero shits about me and I was like on this guy for like six months and everybody was like Shelby, what are you doing? Yeah, it was. It was bad.

Shelby 5:00

It was so bad, it was so ugly, it was so ugly, it was so ugly of me like the behavior.

Shelby 5:04

It's not a look, but I think that when you are struggling with your own self-worth, you look to outside factors and outside things as validation and that is like one of your number one signs that you need to like actually turn back inwards and work on those areas of yourself because at the end of the day, like relationships are, you should be whole on your own in your relationship. You shouldn't look to your relationship to be feeling that void and I think that's where I went wrong with dating and love and guys and everything for honestly, like since the dawn of time, which is so sad.

Liv 5:40

Yeah, when it comes to the things that I did wrong, I did quite a few things wrong. I was going for just like toxicity and the chase, and then I would get let down somehow, even though I knew I was going for the chase and like I knew I was gonna get let down, it was just making me feel very empty and I was that person who wanted the validation through men like there. I needed their attention and like, literally in the most toxic way, like I wouldn't. It was just not. It was in a vibe. So I kept attracting these men that were just feeding me toxicity and like a chase that I that's not what I wanted in the first place.

Liv 6:23

But I kept telling myself, oh well, I'm good on my own, I like being by my own, I like to just be casual, whatever. But that wasn't the truth. Deep down, I wanted somebody to care for me and love me the way that I wanted to be loved. It was a constant chase, like, and I feel like a lot of women have been in that place where it's like, oh, I'm a woman, I can be by myself, like I can, you know, do whatever I want, and that just is not fulfilling like at all, cause in that moment too, I wasn't focusing on myself Like I was just focusing on validation in men, and that's not a look.

Shelby 6:57

I think both of us we had to get clear on a lot of our own personal values and what we were personally looking for in a relationship. Because I think when you're like in high school and then you move into college and then even like a little bit post grad, you're surrounded by the rhetoric of girls bashing guys and being like, oh, guys aren't shit, like fuck all men you know and everybody's like on social media like bashing men and yeah, there are a lot of shitty men out there but there are also a lot of shitty girls out there.

Shelby 7:33

Like there's just there's shitty people out there in the world and then there's, like, good people out there in the world. It's not assigned to one gender, one specific group of people, and when you catch yourself like falling into the trap of like oh, like fuck men, like fuck this, like da, da, da da, you're gonna attract the guys that are only gonna like reaffirm to you that you hate men.

Liv 7:54

No, literally, and that was me, Like I was that person to be like fuck men, like all they do is treat me like shit, like whatever. But I was also treating myself like shit and not being the best person either. So it's like it goes both ways and you need to self reflect and have that conversation with yourself, Cause that was literally me, like everything you just said. That was me on social media, like fuck men, like telling everybody like there's no good men out there.

Liv 8:19

But there is, there are good men out there. You are just not attracting that energy.

Shelby 8:24

Well, and of course you're gonna have that attitude of fuck all men, like if you're not preserving your energy and you're not protecting your values and you're not making sure that the people that you're interacting with in a romantic, sexual love way are treating you well. You know, like if you are not preserving your energy and you're not doing the due diligence, like take care of yourself, like of course you're going to enter into relationships that aren't gonna serve you and you're going to align yourself with people that don't necessarily align with your values. And then, when shit goes down, you're like, oh, like, fuck that guy. But it's also like on the responsibility of you personally to make sure that you're good and make sure that you know yourself well enough.

Shelby 9:06

And, oh my God, this comes back to what I always say I am so like passionate about developing a relationship with yourself and if you don't know what makes you take in a relationship and you don't know what you're looking for in another person which is different than trying to just like fill a void right, like, you can look to other people to have specific traits and things that you admire in a relationship and you are allowed to have a wish list of traits and things that you want in another partner. Because if you don't have that and you just date anyone and everybody, you're gonna clash 100%, especially if you do have differing beliefs and views and perspectives on the world. Does that make sense?

Liv 9:49

No, that makes complete sense.

Shelby 9:50

I think that's where you and I went wrong a lot, especially myself. In college I started hanging around with. A bunch of their brains were not fully developed. Hockey players may have had one or more concussions in their lifetime. Each one of them did not give two shits about the fact that I was existing on this planet. They just wanted to get their dick wet. And I Me with football. I tried to find love in the club, bro. I did Love at the hockey ring. Love in this club.

Shelby 10:19

Did not work, no, nothing, but I also did not know myself and I didn't know what I truly wanted or valued in a relationship and I was chasing the wrong things, which is why I was finding the wrong things. I think that once you really come to terms with what you need from a partner and what your love language is and looking for somebody that's willing to grow with you and not to say that you necessarily need somebody that's like balls to the wall about personal growth and self development and all those things, but if that's your prerogative, then that is something that you need. You know what I'm saying?

Liv 10:54

No, yeah for sure, but, like you said, you have to be able to grow with this person. Like, when you meet a person, they're not gonna be 100% perfect for you and that's something we both had to kind of come to terms with too and we're not gonna be 100% perfect either. You weren't either. So, making sure that you're willing to grow with this human you still have like similar values and all those things, obviously, but coming to reality and knowing that this person is not gonna be perfect, you have to grow with them, you have to communicate with them and you have to build a relationship. It's all about building a foundation and communicating with one another. You know what I mean, absolutely. I think we had a huge epiphany with that, because we were just expecting so much out of our partner, like right away off the bat, and it's like this person just met us, like we're still trying to figure each other out. So you need to have the patience and willingness to grow with them.

Shelby 11:50

And that's where that rhetoric of like the fuck, men like I should be doing this for you, like, if your guy isn't doing this, he sucks Like those videos on the internet absolutely drive me insane. You can post a TikTok about something that your boyfriend did for you and be grateful and show that there are exciting men out there that will do these things as a way to like, inspire other women to have better standards and to go find men that are like whatever it is that they're looking for. But I think people have fallen in the trap where they hold the person that they're in a relationship with to an unrealistic standard and they think that their significant other should be doing everything that the boyfriends on the internet are doing.

Liv 12:38

Yeah.

Shelby 12:38

And that's just not.

Liv 12:40

It's not reality.

Dating and Self-Worth in 20s

Shelby 12:42

Like that's just not the way that things are. And again like going back to what we were saying last week humans aren't meant to have that intimate of a look at other people's lives. You know, would a like vacation to Dubai and like Louis Vuitton bags and like would all that stuff gas me up? Like absolutely.

Shelby 13:02

But if my significant other right now can only afford flowers. I'm not gonna call him a shitty person because he can't afford a trip to Dubai for me. I'm not gonna make him feel less than a human because he can't shower me with designer bags, and that's just part of the growth journey and part of accepting and knowing where you are at in your life and not having like unrealistic standards. Yeah, you can have standards and you can want your significant other to treat you in a way that fulfills you and that lifts you up, but not holding them to such an unrealistic standard where you aren't able to recognize all of the amazing things that they do do for you.

Liv 13:38

Exactly Like being able to recognize the things that they can do for you right now is huge and even if they are smaller things like that, they're still putting in thought yeah, that was good. I was like, wait a sec, let me just go off for a sec. Literally.

Shelby 13:53

We wanted this episode to be around Navigating, like dating in your 20s, especially when we're coming up on Valentine's Day and Love Month. Everybody that's not in relationships like feels some type of way and tries to like post on I guess I shouldn't say everybody, but some people posting on social media. I don't need a man like Valentine's Day for the girls, I was literally just gonna talk about this.

Liv 14:17

You read my fucking mind, go off. You literally read my mind like it.

Shelby 14:23

You can be happy for people that are in relationships around this time and and still Also want to be working on yourself at the same time the women out there, the men out there, need to romanticize Valentine's Day, even if they are single.

Liv 14:36

Like, make it a thing like you're celebrating your relationship with yourself, and that's not cheesy, that's not tacky, like your relationship with yourself is the most important, like I know. For me, valentine's Day is on a Wednesday. Right, that's my day off. I'm gonna make it a whole fucking day for myself still, even though I'm still in a relationship. We're obviously gonna have some time together, but I want to make that day for me because my relationship with myself will always come first, no matter what. Did you ever get a like insane Valentine?

Liv 15:06

like a letter or like a kid, nope.

Shelby 15:09

Nope, I nope, and and maybe again that goes back to having the bottom of the barrel self-worth and going after men or surrounding myself with men.

Liv 15:18

That just would not do that Well even when you were younger, like do you remember you're receiving like a note from like a guy you had a crush on like in fucking elementary school?

Shelby 15:29

Me and my eighth grade boyfriend at the time would pass notes in the hallway, but I don't think it yeah. That wasn't specific to Valentine's Day. Yeah he also ended up breaking up with me on a trip to DC in New York in eighth grade and then started dating another girl on the Way back home. Love me a sip by myself. Yeah yeah, she'll be learned a lot of lessons on her dating train. Let me just say that same.

Liv 15:53

What did we change like within ourselves to like attract the men that we have right now? Oh, that's such a good question, yeah.

Shelby 16:00

I actually I have a very specific story and like time that I can think back to when all of this happened because I I went on a date with this guy.

Shelby 16:10

I drove like two and a half hours to a different city to meet up with this guy because he had been asking me to Go out on dates and like all these things. And finally I was like you know what? Fine, like all I'll come and like you can take me up to dinner. Like we went on to a very nice dinner and like it was actually a really nice Date.

Shelby 16:30

We went for drinks after, like whatever, and then a week had gone by this is the guy that I left my sweatshirt at and I thought the date went so well and I was like gassed up about it, but I hadn't like really heard from them or anything of the sorts. And then I started having these like Again, like what's wrong with me? Why doesn't this guy want me? All these things back and forth. And then I had a Call with my therapist, like a meeting, and I was telling her about this and like the way that I was experiencing and the thing that she told me literally changed my life and I actually think I had like a whole switch in my mentality and my personality you totally know my god, if my self-worth that completely shifted, especially when it came to dating.

Shelby 17:20

And she goes Shelby. What if guys aren't ready for you? Oh?

Liv 17:24

I was like wait, what do you mean? Such, that's so good, so good and she goes.

Shelby 17:30

Well, you have been working on yourself. You're so like passionate, motivated, driven, like they're just not ready for that level of commitment.

Liv 17:40

No, so they're going to remove themselves, Right?

Shelby 17:41

so they're going to remove themselves from the situation. It's like this person just not ready for you and for the type of commitment that you're looking for. So, rather than just telling you that and having that conversation and saying, hey, like you're a great person, I'm just not ready for the level of commitment that you're looking for Great. Thank you so much for respecting me in my time and like telling me that, but there are so many people out there that are just so used to ghosting that I was assigning the ghosting and everything that was going on and the lack of attention and the lack of effort to having to do something with me, when in reality, it very much could have had the possibility of they just weren't ready for the level of commitment I was looking for.

Liv 18:20

For sure. I think it was a mix of them not being ready for the commitment and also you not knowing fully your self-worth Period. It was just a whole clusterfuck of things going on. But that did. When you even said that to me, I was like, wow, that makes so much sense, like for anybody struggling, trying to date and whatever. Like that was such a good statement made by your therapist.

Shelby 18:42

Oh, she completely changed my whole perspective on that. And then, I kid you not, two months later, tyler and I like actually started talking, which was insane.

Liv 18:52

It's so funny because we both, when we met our people, like we're not going to date them. We're not going to date them. That's actually so true, but we both were like that. We were like nah.

Shelby 19:07

Again, it goes back to like we still needed to get clear on what it is that we were looking for in a relationship and honestly, I think that not only would you do a disservice to yourself if you enter into a relationship without fully knowing yourself and what it is that you're actually looking for, but you would be doing a disservice to the other person.

Liv 19:24

Oh for sure, 100%. It would blow up in your face.

Shelby 19:27

If you're trying to enter into a relationship for the right reasons, you need not only for yourself, but also for that significant other If you do want to have a healthy relationship like you owe it to them to make sure that you are a healthy communicator, that you know like your own personal values and that you're aligning yourself with this person, not just because you want that dick or not just because you want people to take you out on dates or not just because you want somebody to do nice things for you, but you need to be also willing to like make sacrifices and be willing to go out of your way for this other person.

Liv 20:02

Oh, my god.

Shelby 20:03

And if you're entering into a relationship just because you want somebody to be like your personal butler or servant, then you probably should be in a fucking relationship.

Liv 20:12

Okay, I need to talk about that because that was literally me. I was so used to being on my own and like independent. I was like a dude in like when I would.

Shelby 20:21

I didn't really. I was so hard.

Liv 20:24

I was in my masculine so bad, so bad, where I was literally delusional and I did not want to go out of my way for this. I mean, for my boyfriend currently in the beginning I was like just kind of still minding my own business, not really, like it wasn't 5050, I feel like in the beginning I wasn't a great communicator. Where he was, he would talk more about his feelings. He was like very in touch and I clearly was not and he even, like, would make comments to me like God, I can never read you, like you never tell me how you feel, like you're so hard to read. And it's literally because my masculine I was so in touch with my masculine. It was horrible. I wasn't in getting in touch with my feminine feminine side.

Shelby 21:03

You were probably trying to like protect your feminine energy by being so masculine.

Liv 21:06

No, exactly, because that's what I did my whole four years before I met my boyfriend. I was always trying to protect my feminine because I was constantly getting hurt by men.

Shelby 21:15

Wow.

Liv 21:16

Wow, epiphany. That's crazy though, but you do have to make. That's the thing. Like it's not always going to be 5050, but you need to be 5050 in your values. You need to be able to make sacrifices for your person. You are with another human being and you're committing to another person, so that person is a part of your life and you need to make them a part of your life.

Shelby 21:36

And when you're looking for a partner to like, obviously it's not build a bitch Like it's not like you can't just like pick and choose like all the values and traits and perspectives and beliefs that you want your significant other to have.

Shelby 21:49

But going back to what I said earlier, like you are allowed to have a wish list, you are allowed to have non-negotiables, because if you know yourself well enough and what you need in a relationship, you need to like advocate for yourself and if you're not getting like a certain need met, you need to be able to like communicate that in a healthy way.

Shelby 22:05

But it's also okay to have like differing values and differing beliefs on other topics and things. Like you don't always need to see eye to eye on everything, but if you don't see eye to eye on everything, you need to also be able to talk about those things in a healthy, respectful way where you need to like be able to sit down and talk about, like why you viewed something in a specific way. And he needs to be able to also talk to you and say, okay, I hear you, I understand your perspective and how you saw something, here's how I saw it and kind of navigate the conversation in that way where you don't look at that other person and say like oh, because he doesn't think the way that I do, or because he doesn't have the same value or the same belief that I do, like he's less than than me. You know, like people are allowed to have different perspectives and beliefs and values, so long as you can be respectful of those.

Liv 22:53

I feel like we had to have a self reflection moment, like we. I feel like we were also did. Were we in coaching with Nella before, or was that during? I think you lived in coaching twice.

Shelby 23:04

I think around this time was when you did coaching with Nella yes.

Liv 23:09

I kind of just had to have like a wake up call moment and I would talk with my life coach about it the whole masculine and femininity thing because I was way too far into my masculine that I couldn't even. It was so hard for me to let go of that and open my mind to my feminine side where I can let somebody in that's going to treat me the way that I needed to be treated. And then ever since just having that reflection moment, I was like, okay, it's obviously a journey like learning and growing as you're in a relationship with this person. But I definitely something clicked in my head where my self worth just was like okay, this, I don't know what I'm trying to say. Yeah, I know what I'm saying.

Shelby 23:53

It's hard to like articulate this stuff because there's so much that goes into it and, like we were talking about in the last episode, it is a full time job. You know, like, please, please, please, do not get into a relationship with another human being unless, like, you are actually able to make the commitment to yourself and to one another to build that relationship. Because if you're not even ready to, like pour in a lot of effort and time into navigating all of this stuff and figuring out this stuff, then you just like simply aren't ready for a relationship.

Shelby 24:22

And that's not to say that like there's anything wrong with you, like I always tell people that like are freshly out of college or just like whatever, and looking left and right and being like I'm single, look great, I absolutely love that for you Like.

Shelby 24:36

Your single era is the time for you to be selfish. It's the time for you to figure out yourself, to figure out all the things that we've been talking about before you enter into a relationship, because once you do that, you give up a sense of I don't want to say like freedom, but you're inviting another human being into the mix, where you not only are you learning to like take care of yourself, but like also helping them through their own journey and learning how to build that foundation. Should we go into the questions.

Liv 25:00

Yeah, let me ask you the first one. Okay, you can choose, they're just all on there.

Shelby 25:05

Oh God, these are good. I mean for anybody that doesn't know love languages. There's five of them. I actually think there's six. People are starting to talk about there being like a sixth love language. What's the sixth Feeling? Seen and heard, oh.

Liv 25:18

Which.

Love Languages and Relationship Dynamics

Shelby 25:19

That I'm gonna raise my hand and say throw all five out of the window. Number six is my love language. That is yours, for sure, for f-ing sure. But what is your love language?

Liv 25:31

I would say acts of service is a big one. And then physical touch. I become a physical touch gal. You have. I really have Really. Yeah, I don't know what it is, but the second he puts his f-ing hand on my thigh. I'm like he loves me.

Shelby 25:48

I love that for you. You know, I love that for you. Yeah, I am such a squirmy bitch Like I take people, like I always tell Tyler, like you cannot put like your dead weight arm on me, like when we're laying in bed, like just the fact that your arm is on me is annoying the sh-t out of me.

Liv 26:05

It's a squirmy bitch.

Shelby 26:06

Yeah, everybody has different love languages.

Liv 26:08

No, yeah, and I used to not be physical touch.

Shelby 26:11

I was like I don't touch me like no, no PDA, but Alex has softened me up. My love language. Yeah, what's yours? I mean you said that one See, feeling the need to be seen and heard, feeling seen and heard yeah, when somebody like really takes the time to get to know me and like understand me, I am just like so deeply attracted to people that like give a sh-t about other humans you know.

Shelby 26:34

So if you're somebody that like takes time to like ask me questions about myself and like really get to know me as a person. That is like huge for me. But also, what do we have? We have physical touch. That's out the window Access service. Access service for me is actually really big. I think I used to resonate more with being a words of affirmation, girly, but now it's not so much for me of like I wanna hear it out of your mouth, like I wanna see you do it.

Liv 27:00

You know like you can tell?

Shelby 27:01

me until you're blue in the face, that you are going to do X, y and Z and that you love me in the sweat or whatever. But if those words don't hold any weight and like the actions don't match the words, like for me, I've transitioned more into being like an acts of service person, like somebody that acts on their love that they're sharing. That's like coming out of their mouth Like I love you. But this is how I'm gonna show you that I love you.

Liv 27:24

Yeah, for sure, All right. What's the next question?

Shelby 27:27

This is actually a really, really good one. I'm interested to know your thoughts on this. Do you think people were made for each other?

Liv 27:33

Oh, that's so hard. That's so hard because I believe that we all have multiple soulmates. I'm not gonna lie, there's so many people in this damn world Like, but I do think to a certain extent, people are made for each other in a certain way. Yeah, like, if you are I don't know if the intimacy is there if you feel like your best friends at the same time like, and you just have that passion like, I feel like you're made for each other, because you don't get that with everybody.

Shelby 27:58

No.

Liv 27:59

You don't wanna be like when you just click like you know you can't. You don't just click with everybody. How?

Shelby 28:03

did they come into your life Like a unique set of experiences and a unique chain of events had to happen for like Unimid Alex, for example.

Liv 28:12

Yeah, and we only lived 15 minutes away from each other our whole lives and we met literally two and a half years ago. Like he would drive past my house every single day in the summer to go to work and I didn't know who he was. That's crazy.

Shelby 28:25

Like we actually think about that.

Liv 28:26

Yeah, so the universe brought our asses together.

Shelby 28:29

It took them long enough, but the universe we're both firm believers that, like things happen for a reason and that there's higher powers working in our advantage. The people that you meet in your life at those specific times like I truly believe like are for a reason at that time. So it's like a yes and a no for me.

Liv 28:48

Yeah, like definitely yes.

Shelby 28:50

Like you have like multiple soulmates and people that you are meant to meet on your life, that shape who you are as a person, but at the same time, you also do have autonomy over your choices. Like you can choose to leave a relationship, you can choose to go on dates with people. Like you have choices over, like the people that you allow into your life, but simultaneously, I also think that the universe is like putting those people in your life and you're on, like the journey that you're on for a reason, 100%. Do you think you and Alex were made for each other? Or like how do you guys help navigate the differences that you have in your relationship? And like how do you come together? Like oh God, that's such a deep question.

Liv 29:25

That is very deep, like shit. I wasn't ready for that. I do feel like we were made for each other. Honestly, we balance each other out very well. Like I feel like Alex has a side of him that is very outgoing. He enjoys being around people, he's super personable, like approachable, and I have that side too. But then we also have a side where we can be chill at home, like not doing anything at the same time, like we're very, very similar but in a way, we balance each other out. At the end of the day, I do feel like we were meant for each other. We're very similar. We have a lot of the same values, but we also have different values too, and we've talked about that. But we see eye to eye, like we're very open and we're not judgmental towards one another's differences. That's huge.

Shelby 30:09

Yeah, that's actually so big.

Shelby 30:10

And it can be very hard if you're not like conscious of it, like subconsciously. You can find yourself like judging your partner if you're not careful and like taking out different things on them and like different triggers and kind of like exploding onto your partner if you aren't able to like hold space for the fact that they are entitled to their own beliefs, opinions, experiences, like they're just a different human than you are. So, rather than like judging the way that they see something, it's like talking about that in a healthy way and working through that.

Liv 30:41

Mm-hmm, I will say too, alex is a lot more adventurous than I am. Like he's very, like I feel like he's very similar to you, like you're just down to just do whatever, very adventurous, like, oh you think of something, let's go do it. And I'm not like that as much. So he kind of brings that side out of me. Do you have something like that where, like, you guys bring something out of each other?

Shelby 31:03

Tyler and I and it's so funny because Tyler and I are actually very similar in that way, where we're down to pretty much like go do anything on like a random night, like we'll have people over, like it doesn't really matter, like we're always down to be spontaneous. Yeah, that's what I'm looking for.

Liv 31:18

Yeah, spontaneous, and I'm like so in my routine. I'm like, no, I need to go to bed. Like no, I just wanna be in the bed this time. I need to go to bed this time. Yeah.

Shelby 31:28

I'm a lot more in tune with my emotions and like, obviously because I've been on a like a self-growth journey for like multiple years and like really like this stuff just like lights me up on fire.

Shelby 31:40

So, of course, like I'm going to be more passionate about having in-depth conversations and holding the space for him to make it okay for him to express emotions, cause I think overarching in society, a lot of men have been told that they need to perform, they need to provide, like they're not allowed to cry, they're not allowed to feel sad, all of these things.

Shelby 32:06

And I think that this is his first like serious relationship and, up until this point, like just doing the college stuff, like hanging out with people not really looking for like deep, meaningful connections with other human beings. I think this is the first time he's ever been in a relationship with somebody that's like a deep, meaningful connection. And I've really tried to hold that space for him and to encourage him that it's okay to like feel adverse, negative emotions. And not only is it okay to Feel those, but it's okay to like express those to me, because if I don't necessarily know that you feel sad about something or that you're feeling depressed or Upset about like a certain situation, then like how, how am I able to show up for you in the capacity that you need me to show up for you in? That's so real.

Liv 32:56

We've had that. We'd have. My god, I can't fucking talk. We've had to have conversations like that too, because I am also more in tune with my emotions. I feel like women normally are naturally Most of the time, so it's a lot harder for men and you have to have that conversation with your partner, like I feel like any person should have that conversation with their partner about feeling your emotions, how to deal with them and like coming to your partner to express your emotions that you're feeling holding space for For one another and, like you said, making it safe.

Shelby 33:26

Like you want to feel safe in your boyfriend's arms, but you also want simultaneously, like your boyfriend, to feel safe with you emotionally. Yeah, you know like it's another level of Safeness where this person that has been taught to like, shut down in their emotions and not express them and not feel them, helping him to like not only feel those, but then like, navigating, like expressing those, Mm-hmm, now that you say that too, now Having a brain fart?

Liv 33:57

No, I was like gonna say, oh, you're talking about being safe, like feeling safe. That was how I knew Alex was the one, because I feel safe with him.

Shelby 34:05

And I wouldn't want.

Liv 34:06

Another thing, too, is I don't want to have kids with anybody else, like he is the person I want to raise a family with. That's how I knew I'm like okay, I want to raise kids with this man. I feel safe with this man. That's how I know that we're made for each other.

Shelby 34:19

You'll have moments like that in a relationship where you just like no. You'll have those moments where you're like wait, but like this person went about this differently than somebody else did.

Liv 34:29

It's such a good conversation. It's been really good. I want to do one more question, though. Yeah, do we're gonna say something? Oh, yeah.

Shelby 34:35

I was gonna say to like obviously, liv and I are talking about heterosexual relationships like also want to throw that out there too, like there are obviously lots of different types of Relationships out there, but this is just our personal experience, like we're two heterosexual women that are attracted to men and like I can Really only speak for like what that looks like as far as like a girl and a guy, like in a relationship too.

Shelby 34:55

But yeah like if you've resonated like anything that we've said and like you don't identify as being like in a heterosexual relationship. Like there are still key takeaways and things that you can take from like this conversation that you can apply to like whatever situation.

Liv 35:08

Yes, thanks for clarifying that, shelby. Um, I like this one. What's the most attractive thing someone can do For you in your opinion? Like something to really just get you going. It doesn't even have to be like sexually either.

Shelby 35:22

Like what's something that someone could do to really just I know myself well enough to know that I value human connection and Having deep, meaningful conversations with people like I. Just I know that about myself, that if the person that I'm in a relationship with Will sit and talk with me and we'll talk about like any topic under the sun and just Share our perspectives and our beliefs and things like that, if somebody's like willing to have that Conversation with me and open up and like demonstrate those things to me, like that is like one of the most attractive things somebody can do for me. I know I already said that but like I, I feel so much more attracted to the person I'm in a relationship with after we get done having like an hour and a half, two hour long About just like life and how we want to navigate it.

Navigating Masculine and Feminine Energies

Liv 36:13

No, I'm the same way, though. I'm learning. If we if you can like, look into my eyes have a deep conversation with me and we can really open up to one another, that is the most attractive thing that you can do and also like how do I say this, having men Bracing their like masculine energy but like like they're soft masculine.

Shelby 36:32

Oh, I know. I know exactly what you mean by that statement, I know exactly what you mean.

Liv 36:39

Yes, the soft masculine.

Shelby 36:40

When that comes out, oh fuck you can Be in your masculine but not have this like Aggravated energy about you.

Liv 36:51

Like you can be in your masculine but still be like like suave, like soft and gentle, but still take charge and away like, take care of your woman, yeah, in a soft way and in like a you know I'm a man way at the same time. Yeah, that is a great answer. Isn't that a good one?

Shelby 37:13

That is a great answer because facts, it's so real, like holding the space for that and allowing her to express her femininity where she feels safe, to let those things come out of her for her to be like a soft, like gentle woman. You also need to be soft and gentle with her because if you're hostile and you're aggravated and like All of those things, like in your you have that like intense, like masculine Some could even call it like toxic, masculine and energy that that side of her is not going to come out. You know, no, it's having like that right type of masculine energy behind it, where you're also holding space for, like, the feminine side of her to come out.

Liv 37:51

I saw this video and it said Masculine energy, like your masculine, is earned, and then your femininity is earned.

Shelby 37:59

I saw that. You saw, that like talking it was like a A couple of interviews. Yes, I saw with their kids.

Liv 38:04

Yes, and he's like, yeah, her femininity is earned, but it's because mine is also whatever, I don't remember the exact term.

Shelby 38:11

I think he said, like masculinity has to be earned, so femininity can be protected.

Liv 38:16

Yes, that's what it was. Thank you, yeah, which is so real, yeah.

Shelby 38:21

I think, though, the overarching message of this is like, when you're navigating like dating and relationships and love and like all this stuff, it really does start with yourself and making sure that you have a grip on what you want and how you want your other significant other to show up in a relationship, because if you have God damn it, mom All the distractions Thanks, my mom just texted me. Hey, mom. Anyways, if you have that grip and a hold on yourself and you can actually go into dating with like sort of a mental checklist too, you know, where you don't just like fall in love with the idea of somebody, but you can actually Like interview them in a way like ask some questions about their family, ask some questions about how they were raised, like the upbringing, all these different things, and if, like what they're Exposing to you about who they are as a person and their beliefs like match what it is, then what you're looking for, then that really is Exactly what dating is.

Liv 39:20

Yeah, but I will say you won't be able to have a Solid foundation with a partner if you don't have a solid foundation with yourself. Period, 100%, lane. That's like you said earlier it's a disservice to your partner if you're not putting energy and, you know, pouring into your cup, because that is what's going to allow you to have a healthy relationship, because you'll have a healthy one with yourself, it all comes down to yourself.

Liv 39:45

I see so many people who just don't pour the energy that they need into themselves and then it could just like backfires in their relationship that they have with their partner and that's just not that you can't do. That. It's not going to be healthy, it's going to be toxic and it's just not going to be worth it at the end of the day.

Shelby 40:02

We should do a whole episode on like energy. Yeah, and, and giving energy and effort to things, please, and the important could go off. Oh my god, especially after reading this book Literally. Oh my god. Yeah, the signs book Protecting your energy and like only giving energy to things that like serve you.

Liv 40:24

That would actually be a really good episode.

Shelby 40:26

Would be a really good one but if you're somebody that is single this love month and you are like struggling with like your own dating life, like you feel like you're not having success, really urge you to spend time with yourself and it's like so uncomfortable to have these conversations with yourself and you're gonna probably cry and you're gonna have breakthroughs and you're it's gonna be like a very emotional, like roller coaster of a journey. But if you don't allow yourself to like feel those emotions and really get to the bottom of what it is that you're looking for in a partner and in a significant other, like you truly will not find it unless you find yourself first.

Liv 41:08

Period. You fuck ended there, baby. Yeah, that's all.

Shelby 41:13

That's good. We had an episode actually we did last year around this time on like self love, so definitely encourage everybody to go back and listen that episode. Yeah, that feels like forever ago.

Liv 41:23

I know.

Shelby 41:23

I'm probably honestly gonna go back and listen to it, yeah.

Liv 41:26

Well, and we want your guys's feedback to. On our Instagram, we have been putting on our story like topics that you guys want to hear. If you guys have any questions, you can always DM us to, because we would love to answer your juicy questions or talk about certain topics that you guys have in mind for us.

Shelby 41:42

So we want your feedback. You don't want anything on the podcast and you just want to talk to us like DM us.

Liv 41:47

Oh yeah, I was doing everybody back. Yeah, seriously, people are those people in the DM I'm like I'm right there in the trenches with them.

Shelby 41:54

Oh, I got you girl Like what's going?

Liv 41:56

on. I'm sending voice messages like back and literally. We're always here, baby, we're always here. I was gonna say too we're really trying to get our significant others on this podcast. I want to see if we can do it, because I think it'd be cool to see a guy's perspective. Yeah but they are both very ADHD and they're gonna be talking over each other.

Shelby 42:18

They're gonna be talking about sports. That's why I think we started to move away from like really writing out all the topics and things we want to touch on in each episode, because we wanted this to be more of like an organic conversation, but the perspectives and beliefs and everything that we talk about on this podcast like just matter of fact, like our live and eyes, like beliefs and perspectives and things, so like if both of us are searching for a heterosexual relationship and that's what we're looking for, obviously that's what we're gonna talk on the majority of the time.

Shelby 42:51

So just hope everybody has that awareness there. Well, thanks for tuning in guys. We hope you have a happy love month, whether you're celebrating yourself or relationship with another significant other.

Liv 43:02

Romanticize baby, romanticize love month. Feel the love. Yeah, wait, what was my quote last night? This is perfect to end it, but I posted my story.

Shelby 43:12

Yes, yes, this is how we're gonna end it. Yes, okay, before we end it, though, um lives. Instagram is at live worth minus at the dot chubby lene. And then our podcast. Instagram is at evolve or repeat dot the podcast.

Liv 43:28

Woohoo, all right, okay, ready, give it to me. Write this down, baby. Everybody write this down. I have decided to stick to love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. Martin Luther King Jr, baby, and that's a wrap, and see you guys next week. Bye.