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Evolve or Repeat
Join Liv and Shelby, two midwest twenty-somethings, as they take you along their own personal growth journeys and what it means to truly pour into yourself as a young adult.
Evolve or Repeat
13. Seeking Guidance as Strength: Therapy, Life Coaching, & Authenticity
Embarking on a journey of self-discovery can often feel like untangling a complex web woven from our past experiences. Liv and Shelby invite you to join them as they bring forth a conversation full of authenticity, sharing struggles with self-worth and the liberating alignment of life choices with innate tendencies.
The path to self-improvement is rarely walked alone, and our hosts shed light on the transformative power of therapy and life coaching. They reveal their own experiences with mental health professionals, aiming to dismantle the stigma that seeking help equates to weakness. Instead, Liv and Shelby celebrate the courage it takes to reach out, and the holistic benefits of mental well-being. This episode is a tribute to the bravery of vulnerability and the proactive steps toward overcoming life's hurdles.
Follow the Podcast: @evolveorrepeat.thepodcast
Follow Liv: @livwerth @livedin.studio
Follow Shelby: @the.shelbylenae
If I want to be a parent someday which I do then I need to work through these things because I don't want my kids to take on the trauma that I had. I want to work through my self-worth so that my kids feel worthy. I want to work through my self-love so that my future kids can feel that self-love and it's, you know, reciprocated between me and my kids, and I want my husband to do the same.
Shelby:Hey, we're Liv and Shelby and we're two Midwest 20-somethings fascinated with all things personal growth, healing and evolving into the best version of yourself possible. Over the last four years, we've gone from lost, sad and broke to secure, confident, abundant and full of purpose Now we're inviting you along our journey to we teach you everything we've learned thus far and the secrets to building a life you truly love.
Liv:Think it's all rainbows and butterflies. Think again. Friendships, social media relationships and navigating a self-worth journey are all topics we dive into.
Shelby:Think of this as a 2 am conversation with your best friend, mixed with the hard truths and obstacles needed to level up.
Liv:So grab your favorite emotional support drink, make sure you're comfy and get ready to challenge your limiting beliefs that you didn't even know you had. This is Evolva Repeat.
Shelby:Hey guys, welcome back to Evolva Repeat. We're happy to be back. We'll get better at these, we promise, but we're recording in my apartment today instead of the movie room, because we're recording at 9 am and it's not open till 10.
Liv:Look at us Early risers, I know we've got our makeup on.
Shelby:We got all ready for the day we're ready to record. How was your week?
Liv:It was good. It's actually a chill week this week. Like with work, I feel like for the past two months it's just been like craziness, and now it's kind of been like more chill and I'm living for it.
Shelby:I love that Like just chill clients.
Liv:I have some like time in between clients which I normally don't have. I love that for you, so it's been more of a nice like couple weeks the vibes.
Shelby:The past, honestly, like two weeks with the weather outside have literally given me so much life. Oh same Like it is. I'm a different human. It's 9.30 right now and the temperature outside? What is it? 15? I checked it when you showed up 45 degrees outside in Wisconsin.
Liv:I had my windows down driving to you. It's February.
Shelby:It's February. How girls drive with the windows cracked always, even in the winter time. Always, even if it's negative 20 degrees outside, like I'm always driving with the windows cracked when I go for a walk. Today, your girl's still furloughed.
Liv:That's my update, but you're like you have. You've been like exploring different avenues.
Shelby:I've been loving the freedom. I was thinking about actually going and getting a job waitressing, because I don't know what it is like waking up and having to work right away in the morning. Just not for me. It's just not for me, like, especially when it comes to like corporate stuff and I don't know, like maybe it'll change and like I'll find a job listing. Like I've also been kind of like looking at different jobs and stuff like online and if I find something that like really sparks my interest, like I'm going to go for it. But also I had a conversation with a business coach of mine that I had a little bit ago in the DMs yesterday, and we were going back and forth and she's actually really, really smart in astrology and like human design.
Liv:She's like insane. I don't know how she knows all this shit.
Shelby:I want to export her brain and import it into my brain. That's literally what I want to do.
Liv:Same, but she's so good.
Shelby:So good. I want to have her on the podcast too.
Liv:Yes, that would be so fun. So, kessler, if you're listening, we want to have you on the podcast.
Shelby:That would be so fun. But she read my human design chart and my astrology chart and she was basically explaining back to me why I've been having so many issues around content creation and essentially like why the podcast has been so great for me and why I've had a lot of success in the past with like YouTube and like blog writing. All the things is they're all like long form content and I think with like the start of COVID and the like rise of TikTok and all the things, it just got so chaotic on social media where I felt like I had to like morph myself and like my content creation process to match like making it TikTok videos. But I'm somebody that just likes to sit and have like long in depth conversations with people. I don't like surface level conversations all the time. So I was trying to like make like these short little like videos and it was just so hard for me and it wasn't resonating.
Shelby:Yes, I am going to start a YouTube channel today. Well, not going to start it? Well, using the same channel, because I have like 3000 subscribers on there. But I private it all my college videos because they are atrocious. They're so bad you cannot find them anymore. Like good luck because they're not out there anymore. But that is a version of us.
Liv:That is past, but I don't know, we're just having fun with it and I love that.
Shelby:Getting back into my creative era, because that's who I am and what I meant to do per my charts.
Liv:You needed to have this free time to like figure out what it is that you want to do and kind of just like have some time with yourself, absolutely Like. You were just like being so drained and didn't have time for you and you couldn't really like process anything. No, I was a show of a human.
Shelby:Yeah, like that ass, like I just I was not myself and I feel like I've gained so much life back.
Liv:So yeah, I love that, I love that for you.
Shelby:Yeah, we're going to start like at the beginning of our episodes doing like fun little updates and things that are going on with us. You went to a baby shower. I did that was fun that was a lot of fun.
Liv:This weekend was actually really busy. I had my dad's birthday and then baby shower and then what else. There was something else. Oh, I did a photo shoot this weekend. I saw that that was so much fun. This photographer invested into this whole content day. Like she rented out a studio. She got it like a cake, rented bridal, like gowns, and she had a model come and then she asked me to do the hair and then my friend to do the makeup. I was like hell, yeah, that sounds so much fun.
Liv:So and I, knew the model, so, and obviously my friend did the makeup, so it was a lot of fun and she was the cutest human ever. Yeah, that's so fun. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. I'm trying to like that was definitely outside of my comfort zone, so I'm like really trying to say yes to opportunities that come my way.
Shelby:Good for you To get me out of the comfort zone. That's so fun. Yeah, I love when like photographers, especially like wedding photographers, do those like styled shoots, because, yeah, like on the wedding days or even like an important big day, it's like hard to like make sure everything is perfect, but when you do like a styled shoot, like you can really like create the content and like take all the photos and all the things she like.
Liv:Bought the cutest little vintage looking cake. She bought like a whole bouquet of flowers.
Shelby:Like I'm like girl, stop, I know that's so good for like the, like the vendors, like the cake decorators and like the, the florists and everything, cause they also get like photos out of it too. Yeah, exactly.
Liv:And she said that too. She's like you can use any of the content that I take Like and my friend who does makeup. She does weddings all the time, so that was perfect for her.
Shelby:Cause she can just market that.
Liv:Yeah, I love that, so that was a ton of fun. We're vibing.
Shelby:All right, well, should we get into today's topic? Yeah, um, yep, go ahead. We also got the oleado. Liz Boynren was right now, but we got the oleado coffees from Starbucks.
Liv:We liked the first couple of sips, but but once I like mixed it, it's not I don't know like I.
Shelby:It's not like disgusting where, I'm like going to vomit everywhere, but it's also like.
Liv:I don't know, maybe take some getting used to something else, like I needed to add vanilla, cause that's straight up like oil, cream and coffee.
Shelby:You know what I'm like espresso. Yeah, I mean the foam is fine, but like when you mix it in then it's kind of, yeah, I shouldn't I shouldn't have mixed it because it's not a vibe, okay, well, anyways.
Liv:Okay, it's fine. Anyways, back into the topic. I'll give it like a four out of 10.
Shelby:Yeah, like Max, but we, when we did the Q&A episode last week, we got a bunch of other questions and like one of them being the, the topic that we're gonna talk about today and we wanted to wait to talk about this because we felt like we could turn it into a whole episode.
Shelby:We wanted to do it justice, but it's the topic of like getting into therapy and like being a first-timer going to therapy and like really asking for help and like or coaching, or coaching Honestly, just like working with somebody else when it comes to like your mental health, or like chatting through like your life's problems, and we both had experience with it, like I did both therapy and life coaching and then live is actually done life coaching twice. Yeah, so we have like a little bit different experiences, but we both like are comfortable with the fact that we went to somebody to talk about like our problems and things that we were going through at the time, and we kind of just wanted to like share our experiences. So anybody else that is like thinking about going to therapy or is like just fresh starting out in therapy, like a you're not alone, and we want to like commend you for even like stepping outside of your comfort zone and trusting another human being with, like your deepest inner secrets and thoughts and things and just kind of dive into all that.
Liv:I think a lot of people see this as a weakness, but it's really a strength. Like you, being able to go and ask for help from somebody that's a stranger to help you work through your emotions and your relationships and your friendships and your childhood trauma Like that takes so much strength. So you need to like appreciate that and like look at it in that perspective, if that makes sense.
Liv:Like I feel like a lot of people. I mean, it is uncomfortable, so it feels like, oh my God, a weakness is coming out of me, but it's strength it's. You're growing. You're literally going to have such a better perspective on life and relationships. It's going to help you in every aspect of your life. Your quality of life is going to just skyrocket because you're going to sit there and work through all the things that we are hiding deep down in ourselves that need to be let out.
Shelby:Absolutely. And when I talk to people too about like my experience with therapy or just therapy in general, and people are like hesitant around it, I always give them the advice. You're not put on this earth and just expected fresh out of the womb to like know how to navigate life. Oh yeah, like that is literally the beauty of life is learning to navigate it, learning things about yourself, learning things about the world and learning how to process those things to become the best version of yourself. So if there's something that like you're going through and it's like a really hard time like losing a job, losing a loved one, navigating a breakup or just like any adverse experience that you've ever had in your life if you've never gone through something like that before, of course you're not going to know how to deal with it. So don't put that pressure on yourself to expect that you're meant to figure out everything like on your own.
Shelby:It really does take a village when it comes to these things and like therapists and life coaches are paid human beings Like this is their job, like they have studied people, psychology, sociology, all the things for this specific reason to help people that maybe haven't studied those things to navigate that.
Liv:Yeah, the self awareness levels are also going to skyrocket as well. I think we can both attest to that. Like these people are asking you questions that you would never think of asking yourself. Like they challenge you, which is what we need. Like, as humans, we get comfortable, we want to stay in our comfort zone, but these therapists and life coaches help us get out of that and ask and challenge us.
Shelby:ask us questions that you know we are, that make us uncomfortable, but in the end, it's going to help us in the long run Right and not to say to that, like therapy and life coaching is the only way to work on yourself but I think it is one of the best options if you can swing it, like, of course, like it does cost money and like you need insurance and all the things, and I know it's not as easily accessible as it could be and I know like, with the whole rhetoric of like mental health and everything becoming more and more important every single year, it's becoming more and more accessible. But like just starting somewhere by accepting and like looking at yourself in the mirror and saying like you're not meant to have everything figured out and just being okay with that.
Shelby:I think for a long time I was running for myself and I like was lying to myself and telling myself like, oh, like you're happy, like you're fine, like da, da da.
Shelby:And just suppressing all of that shit down and pushing it, and pushing it, and pushing it, and pushing it until the point where, like, I became so depressed in college that I was like what is the meaning of life? Like why am I here? And it was such a sad place to be. And if you're not, like mentally taking care of yourself and you're just kind of going through the motions and you're experiencing these negative feelings, at some point it will catch up to you and it will explode out of you.
Shelby:So, rather than you know, letting that happen and just telling yourself that I'm fine and fine and fine and like pushing those emotions down, it's okay to like go talk to people about it.
Liv:I also think too, if you're not fully taking care of yourself mentally, like you can't take care of yourself physically.
Liv:Like when I was going through that, through a rough patch, like you were at that moment, I was just not taking care of myself because I mentally was not okay, like if your mental state is not okay, your physical isn't going to be okay. You can think that it's going to be, but it's really not, like there's an imbalance happening. So I think it's really an amazing thing that therapy is available and there's so much access, like you said, nowadays, like I think of better help you could do online, like go to better help. There's people all around the world here to help you online. If you don't want to go in person, I know you have to have insurance for most of it to be covered if you want to do the in person one, two or online, but you can figure it out, like, at the end of the day. I feel like sometimes people make excuses and I was making an excuse as to why I don't need that, but you, you everybody needs it.
Shelby:At the end of the day, everybody can benefit from it at least 100%, and I was even thinking, too, about like getting back into, like therapy or anything the sorts like that, because although I want to be like a life coach of, or I want to be a life coach myself, but I also need to make sure that I am taking care of my own mental state and not just giving all of my energy to people by helping them with their problems.
Shelby:I also want people to talk to you and I was like, wait a second.
Liv:I don't have a job, which means I don't have insurance, so I'm not going to be able to cover it, but I've sometimes I've resorted to literally using chat GBT.
Shelby:Yeah like I will type in like how do I deal with it?
Liv:Because, like AI, although I'm so- fucking terrified of it and like what this world is going to become in 10 years.
Shelby:there's also a couple of different benefits to it, and what chat GBT does is it pulls like all of the articles on the internet and pulls together like a response to like a question that you ask it. So if I have like a specific problem that I'm going through, like what do I do if I lose my job, and like you can like literally go back and forth and like text and have like a conversation with chat GBT if you want to, and that's completely free.
Liv:Yeah, you know well, and there's so many podcasts, there's so many YouTube videos. Who's that guy you always listen to? I love him, Leo Scappi.
Shelby:Love him. He's a free resource oh, literally, and I love his YouTube videos so much and they, they are a little bit more high level, so, like he may not be for you if, like, you're just starting out with therapy. But I think it all just comes down like your willingness and like your like ability to accept the fact and be okay with the fact that you are not okay. Because if you can't even have radical acceptance for where you're at in your life and you keep lying to yourself, then of course you're not going to be looking like and searching for, like the podcast episodes or like YouTube videos or like any version of help Like it. It really does start with like having that conversation with yourself and being like it's actually okay that you're not okay.
Liv:And you also don't have to have like an insane amount of trauma to like go to therapy or do life coaching. I think a lot of people think that like, oh my god, I have to go through like an insane, crazy traumatic event to go to therapy and see somebody and ask for help. But that is not the case. Like I went simply because I knew that I wasn't loving myself fully. I just had a lot of shit to work through that was kind of maybe you could say smaller things that I needed to work through internally. But you don't have to go through a traumatic event to go to therapy. You can be going through other things. You can have struggles with your self worth. You can have struggles with self love, your relationships. I think everybody, too, has some sort of childhood trauma that they need to work through. I didn't even know I had childhood trauma until I went to life coaching and worked through all of that, which opened up a can of worms that helped me grow as a human too.
Shelby:Yeah, and I honestly think too like I call them little teas and big teas, so like big traumas and little traumas.
Shelby:So like big trauma would be like your parents going through a divorce, or like you losing a loved one, like all the things that I talked about before. But, like Liv was saying, the little teas could be like you know, like losing a friend, or going through like a breakup, or like somebody like bullying you or somebody like just like making a small little comment to you, or people like mistreating you throughout a relationship. It's not just like one big giant event, but rather the like, the culmination of a lot of little events over time that actually add up. And those are the ones that actually can like sometimes hurt you more than like a big event, because they're not as apparent. You know, like if you're really not in tune with yourself and like checking in with yourself and making sure that, like I'm good, you're gonna have all of these little things that happened to you and you're not gonna know how to handle them and all of a sudden you're just gonna like explode.
Liv:At the end of the day, you're really just figuring out your relationship with yourself when you're going to therapy and when you're doing life coaching, like you're benefiting the relationship with yourself, you're figuring yourself out and you're learning to look within and I think that was huge for me, like being able to have a conversation with myself, reflect self reflection, the self awareness, and then, like I said before, that just helps you in every other aspect of your life, like our relationships would not be where they're at if we had not done life coaching. It makes you so much more aware of your emotions, how you're feeling, why you're feeling a certain way, how to regulate your emotions, like I could go on and on because life coaching and therapy for you, like it completely changed our lives.
Shelby:Yeah, well, and you, before we started recording this episode, like we were chatting back and forth about like different things that we were gonna mention on the podcast, and you said one thing about like control and I you need to dive into that a little bit deeper, because that is just so good.
Liv:One of the main reasons why we don't like asking for help. I was listening to this podcast and he was amazing and he was giving like a list of why we don't like asking for help and one of the main ones was that we lose control. We don't have control over that thing that we're asking for, if that makes sense, which I think I related to like the most because I can be a control freak, so it kind of, especially in relationships.
Liv:So, reflecting on that, I was like holy crap, like that makes so much sense. Because growing up too like, I didn't want to be seen as like a weak link. I wanted to be seen as like the strong human, and that's why I didn't want to ask for help. I didn't want to really show my emotions growing up. I would always keep them inside of me and it's literally because I didn't want to lose control Like I didn't want to. I didn't want other people to see me break down too Like that was another thing he mentioned.
Liv:Like you, don't, your ego is going to get hurt because you are asking for help and you are what's the word that he said Basically like the image of you is being like he used a specific word. But, like, your image is being hurt by you asking for help, which shouldn't be a thing, but you like think that internally, like, oh, somebody's perspective on me is going to be different because I'm showing weakness by asking for help.
Shelby:Right, Well, and the ego is essentially made up as you grow up as a child, because you take like outside things that you experience and you change how you show up in the world to essentially like keep yourself safe. So if you are like constantly getting defensive when somebody like points out a weakness of yours and you feel like the need to like over defend yourself, that's like a trigger that's going on and that's like your ego showing up in that way because you're trying to like protect yourself from harm.
Liv:Does that make sense. Yeah, yeah, total sense.
Shelby:So it's. It's like identifying like what are your ego traits and what are like your actual true self traits, and going to therapy and working on or like working with a life coach is essentially picking apart like your ego and all these like defense mechanisms and walls that you've put up because of the traumas and the things that you've been through and sitting in them, and like actually expressing like your emotions.
Shelby:I can't tell you how many times I've cried like a damn baby to my life coach and my therapist because they unlocked like a special part of myself that like I didn't even know was there, because I pushed it down so much you know, and I literally like I let that experience in my like early childhood, early added adolescent years entirely shape like my personality and who I am as a person and I attach that to my ego because I was like okay, like I don't want to go through this experience again, so anytime I get close to this like I'm gonna be a fighting bitch defensive, but it really all comes down to the fact that you are just trying to keep yourself safe.
Liv:You really are and we naturally, as people, are givers, which is why, like that when we're giving, we're in control of like what we're saying, how we're helping a certain person, but we need to be more like, open to receiving.
Shelby:You know what I mean, like receiving the help that we need, especially as women, especially because being in the feminine energy I mean we talked about this to a little bit in the last episode, but it's all about receiving right, like the masculine is all about giving, providing, you know, like succeeding, all the things like being in your masculine. And there is a time and a place to like be in your masculine energy, like again we talked about like both men and women have both masculine and feminine energy. But if you were a woman that is like so in her masculine and so defensive and just so like on the prowl, like we were, it's just like it gets to a point where it's like it's just not cute.
Liv:You know you're not going to attract a man that wants to give to you Like your partner wants to provide for you. That's something that's attractive to them being able to provide. So if you're not even allowing yourself to receive what they're trying to give you, you're not going to attract the right partner and it's going to be a fucking shit show.
Shelby:Absolutely. And all therapy and life coaching and like just working with somebody else, like on your mindset. All it really is is just like holding up a mirror.
Liv:Right.
Shelby:Like in my life coaching certification, I learned the importance of asking the right questions and like getting to know the other person. And it's not the life coaches or therapist's job to preach to you, because when they do that they're kind of coming from like their own biases and like their own life experiences. Of course, there are moments where you need to be taught something, where they're going to teach you something, but what it really is is like you are explaining to them like the circumstance that you're going through, the feelings that you're experiencing, the thoughts and all those things, and then essentially, what the therapist does is they try to reframe your perspective, to help you see it in a new way.
Liv:That's all it really is.
Shelby:So I mean, I gave this example on the other episode but, like when I went to therapy, I was really struggling with myself, worth and like dating and relationships and all the things. I was like why does this guy not like me? Like what the fuck is wrong with me? He was like, well, have you ever thought about it a different way? Have you thought about the fact that they're just maybe not ready for you? And I was so ingrained in like my one way of thinking and when she said that I was like holy shit, it's like a way new perspective that I hadn't even thought about because I was so set in my ways. That's essentially what they're doing.
Liv:It is. It's just bringing out a whole new perspective. That's really all it is at the end of the day the mirror, putting a mirror in front of your face and changing the perspective, because we need that. We need other people's perspectives. We can't just be stuck in our own shit.
Liv:I also think, too, like if I want to be a parent someday which I do then I need to work through these things because I don't want my kids to take on the trauma that I had, if that makes sense. Like I want to work through my self-worth so that my kids feel worthy. I want to work through my self-love so that my future kids can feel that self-love and it's, you know, reciprocated between me and my kids. And I want my husband to do the same. I want my husband to work through those things so that we can be the best parents that we can be.
Liv:Obviously, your kids are going to have some type of shit happen in their lives, whether maybe we'll have trauma, but I want to be the best version of myself for my children and I think a lot of parents don't think about that before having kids. A lot of people don't think about that before having kids. So then they have all of this shit still in them, all of this internal bullshit that they haven't worked through, and then it gets thrown onto their children and then it affects the children's life when they're older. I'm so glad that you said that.
Shelby:And, dare I say, evolve or repeat. I love it Because that is so true and that's essentially like how generational trauma happens Like be the one that breaks the barrier and again you don't have to go through these crazy adverse experiences to have stuff that you need to work through, that you don't want to pass on to your children. I think both Liv and I have come to the realization that it's really tough work and it really does take grit, determination, going through an emotional roller coaster. But the reason why we do it is not only for ourselves but for our future children. I want to be able to be smart enough and, like, intelligent enough in emotional management and navigating the relationship with myself to then turn around and teach my children how to do that, because if you are building a family like, you are building generations after you and it's the way that you parent your children and the way that you help them navigate.
Shelby:life is essentially like a reflection of you and all the things that you have learned up until that point, and if you have spent zero time and zero energy working on yourself, you're going to take everything that you went through, that was put on top of you by, like your parents, your grandparents or anybody close to you, and just essentially vomit it right back onto your child, because you're going to be emulating that type of behavior.
Liv:And I'm not saying that if you have a kid right now you can't work through your stuff. Like if you have a child and you say haven't worked through these things yet you still have time to work through these things. And, you know, emulate that to your kid. Like you can work through these things while you have a child as well, it's never too late.
Shelby:I mean, my mom listens to our podcast and I know she called me, like last year when we put out an episode and she was in tears and she was like, oh my gosh, I'll be like you are now teaching me things about life and like that, oh my God. Like I literally had like such a mental breakdown.
Shelby:Crazy perspective, you know, like to be able to then also like take your experiences, like as a kid, and help your parents like reframe their perspectives. I really had like. At the beginning I was like, oh my God, I'm so excited, like I'm working on myself. I tried sending them all these podcast episodes and I realized that, like, instead of trying to like force it on other people, I just emulated the best version of myself and I transformed into somebody that they didn't know before and they're like Holy crap, like who is this version of yourself? But as you continue to become the best version of yourself, it's just going to naturally affect the people closest to you. To where now, like my family's having conversations about mental health, like what is going?
Shelby:on, you know and not to say that, like I shame my parents or I shame anybody else, because, like I'm also able to empathize with them and look at their experiences- you know, they have a lot of generational trauma that they went through and it wasn't taught to them to work on themselves either. So it's just learning to give people grace and like understand that you have things to work through, but also like coming to the realization that, like, if you do have generational trauma, like it's also not your parents fault.
Liv:No, it's not, Because, guess what it was handed down to them in some certain way too. So it's not, it's not their fault, and give them grace. Give yourself grace, because it does take time. I know we shared this exercise on one of our last podcasts, but I just want to share it again and I'm just going to simplify it.
Shelby:I mean, everybody can benefit from it every time.
Liv:Yes, every time. So something to help work through your childhood trauma is you can just write down in a notebook like what do I wish my mother did more when I was a child, or what do I wish my father did more. You could also list their strengths, things that you want to carry on, that your father has, that your mother has, and then you can write down their weaknesses, that you don't want to take on, that they had, and just like writing it out and reflecting helps you become so much more aware of the traits that have been carried down to you and the traits that you want to carry on into this life and the traits that you want to leave behind Absolutely.
Shelby:And if you haven't done like a lot of work on yourself and like your mindset and the way that you carry yourself when you do this exercise, I was slapped in the face with reality because it was like, oh my God, I'm like that. I'm like that.
Liv:I'm like that, I'm like that.
Shelby:All of the traits that I got from my dad, both good and bad, they live in me. All of the traits that I got from my mom, both good and bad, also live within me. And then, once you put them down, like on a piece of paper again, like journaling, writing things out, doing exercises on paper it takes everything out of your brain and like puts it in front of you visually. So then it's not only like swarming in your head, but you're using like your eyes to like look at the information and dissect it to where I was like wait, I don't want to be like that anymore and I would like cross like certain things out. And then I would journal on like how I was showing up in that way like defensiveness. Oh my God, I was such a defensive bitch, but I was just trying to protect myself.
Liv:Exactly.
Shelby:And recognizing where that came from, why that trait has been instilled in me, and then like writing out ways that like I can try to get rid of it, or like be better or put something in place of it.
Liv:Oh, for sure.
Shelby:So now, like when I catch myself like getting defensive, I take like five deep breaths. I think about like what am I feeling in the moment and then like communicating it. But if you don't go through that process, you're going to be defensive, exactly so I went on Pinterest and I just looked up like asking for help.
Liv:Quotes oh my God, and this one is so good.
Shelby:It's smell. Be brave enough to ask for help when you need it. There is no merit badge for doing all the hard things alone.
Liv:Oh damn Period. That is amazing. I think people need to realize that they are worthy of asking for help, like and that kind of goes hand in hand with that quote Like you're worthy of showing strength by asking somebody for help. Like you shouldn't have to go through this life alone, through your struggles alone, like it is OK to have somebody guide you through what it is that you need to get through, absolutely.
Shelby:Here's the other one. I came across one other one. Oh, being scared to ask for help is a trauma response. Whoa.
Liv:That is mind blowing. That's so true, though. That's so accurate.
Shelby:I mean well, and that's also the thing too Like if you're somebody that struggles to ask for help, and it's like a trauma response. As a kid, you may have tried to ask people for help and they may not have been there for you. So then you learned OK, I'm the only one that has my back, I'm the only person that can take care of myself, I can do everything on my own. But it's a trauma response because you experience an adverse event early on in your childhood years that made you think that nobody else can be there for you in the capacity that you need them to be. So being scared to ask for help is a trauma response. Oh my god, that's crazy.
Liv:Damn. Pinterest is always where it's at. They always have the best quotes and things they do.
Shelby:But at the end of the day too, if you are fresh to working on yourself and these concepts and all the things and this is all kind of overwhelming to you and you think about talking to somebody about your problems and it makes you want to throw up inside, that's normal and you don't have to jump in full force and go spend a ton of money to work with somebody right away. Just get your feet wet, Get comfortable with working on yourself, Looking up podcast episodes, YouTube videos, but you're not going to search for those things, like I said, if you're not just comfortable with the fact that you need help in certain areas.
Liv:Yeah, for sure I think too. Making it like a daily practice, just doing something small like journaling, listening to a podcast and writing down notes, Something simple like that, every single day or every other day. Making it a habit, Because I know for me it was so hard for me to make that a habit, Because naturally that's uncomfortable, we don't want to talk about our emotions, we don't want to think about our emotions, we don't want to process them. But making a daily practice where you're doing small little things to work your way up to a bigger thing is huge because it's going to help you in the most ways possible and that will help you eventually, if you don't want to do therapy or life coaching right now, do these small little things every day and that will build you up to feeling confident enough to do that.
Shelby:And will only make therapy and life coaching that much more effective, because you're already accustomed to the practice.
Liv:Yeah, and you already have reflected and gone through some of your emotions. You've felt some of your emotions, regulated them, so that will help you open up even more. I know for me it was so hard for me to open up when I was doing life coaching sometimes because it was so uncomfortable for me, because I was that bitch where I was like I feel so weak right now I can't even explain the feeling it was so hard for me to actually sit there and have her ask me questions and for me to answer them fully, because it was just a flood of emotions that I couldn't even process and I couldn't even put into words Because I just felt like it would be weak of me to do that. But then she eventually obviously cracked me and opened me up. But it was so hard, so hard. So don't be hard on yourself. If it is hard at first it's going to be uncomfortable, but it takes time.
Shelby:It's also being aware to the fact that you're essentially removing pride yeah.
Liv:And you're rewiring your brain.
Shelby:Absolutely Well. And another thing I was going to say too is that if you don't choose to work on yourself, not only will it explode on everybody else around you and you'll just be a walking defensive, always on edge person, but by operating that way, not only does it affect your mental health, but it affects your physical health. If you are constantly spiking your cortisol levels and you don't know how to manage your emotions and you're constantly getting defensive and you're just being in that energy, that's actually going to affect your physical health, especially as a woman when it comes to your hormones and balancing all of those things out. If you're just constantly going up and down and riding the roller coaster of emotions and you don't know how to navigate that, over time that's going to add up to the point where you're going to start to see the physical effects of that. I think of a lot of people in America have a lot of physical illnesses because, they put their body through so much stress.
Shelby:Oh my God, this is going to be a whole different episode. Literally, I'm like wait pause, we need to do a whole other episode, but that could go true.
Liv:I'm so on a tangent dude Like I meet so many people on a day-to-day basis and I'm like if you would just fucking heal your trauma, you wouldn't have these stressors, you wouldn't have. Like, if you would just 100% go all in and take care of yourself mentally and physically, you would not have these issues. The key to life is literally just taking care of yourself, right, and like fueling yourself with good energy and like oh, I just could go on and on because that could heal so many issues, so many Like it heals physical issues, like if you have a physical illness, that like you taking care of yourself and you going in on your mental health, that could cure you in a way.
Shelby:Well, like, choose your heart. Yeah, you know Like I was listening to a podcast. I think it was also Gary Brecca. Again, ultimate human podcast. Love him, my stomach's growling. Sorry if you hear that. But he talks a lot about like the physical health and how like that. The reason why America is struggling so much in their physical health right now is because we are on like the rapid pursuit of comfortability. We're trying to make everything easier.
Shelby:We're trying to like find the fastest way to do this, the quickest way to do this, the quick fixes, all the things, but where true, like your true, best self is found is going through the hard times and pushing yourself to your limits. Like our ancestors did not sit around and like eat fucking chips, you know, like they were out there, like scroll, like right the fuck. They were hunting for things.
Liv:They were running. They were frolicking outside, yeah, eating whole foods like no processed shit, like they weren't putting poison into their bodies, like we are today, like people just want to quick, they just want to put a bandaid over a situation and it's like don't get me started on big pharma. Don't, don't do it, don't do it.
Shelby:Don't the doctors that just prescribe after you tell them two symptoms of something to get you out of their office.
Liv:Fuck you guys, that was literally me Bye, but it was horrible, but anyways choose your heart.
Shelby:Choose your heart. Like what's going to be hard. Are you going to experience health issues the rest of your life? Are you an experience sadness and not feeling seen and heard, or are you going to do yourself like the due diligence to give yourself the best human experience you can on this planet before, like it's taken from you, Like yeah, like sorry to be blunt, but like we don't know when we're going to die?
Liv:No, I could die tomorrow. People act like they have all the time in the fucking world and it's like, okay, Like you know literally what are you waiting for.
Liv:Don't take care of yourself. Like, what are you doing? Like what are you doing? And I had to ask myself that question too. Like we've all been through that. I'm like. I'm guilty as well, Like we. We have this in our lives every single day. The poisonous food, the negative energy the us just want to be lazy, scroll Like. All of these things are surrounded by us in front of our face every single day. So obviously it's going to be hard to like neglect those things, but once you do like, little by little, it's going to change your life. You're going to have a way better. You're going to have a way better human experience this was one of my favorite conversations Dude.
Shelby:let's say, I was literally shaking that I was like oh, my God, I love this.
Liv:I think it's going to help so many people.
Shelby:I do too, I mean it gets, but the process gets easier right, yeah, it does, we've been on this for what Like three, four years.
Liv:Yeah, it becomes a practice.
Shelby:Absolutely. It's like night and it's like I don't know what to say Like drink well, drinking water is hard for some people. What is it? Going to the bathroom.
Liv:Everybody goes to the bathroom, everybody breathes air, like at this point it's just a part of who we are.
Shelby:It's like in your team, right, and it flows out of us to the point where I'm. I just want to share it with everybody and I want everybody to just wake up. Like I just want to go around and shake people on the street and shake people in the grocery store and be like, are you okay? Like, can I help you? Can we talk about something? Like please, like, tell me your deepest inner darker secrets, you know like I'm just not a surface level bitch but that's because I'm so passionate about this shit.
Liv:Well, if I know you are too if people would just open up and like be open-minded and be willing to hear different perspectives and focus on the relationship with their self. Like so many issues like we could fucking suck, like world peace baby. Like literally we could solve so many issues, so many, and here we are doing our part. But, seriously, I love it. But people are sitting here and playing the victim being lazy, being comfortable, and it's like is it really worth it to be like that?
Shelby:It's not, it's not doing anything for you, absolutely, it's really not Like when one of my biggest fears in life is like literally getting like okay, let's say like I don't experience like a car crash or anything like God forbid and like I do die, like of old age, the last thing I want in my life is to me be laying on my deathbed and be like, damn, I wish I could have done all these things different. I wish I would have worked on myself, I wish I would have done this, I wish I would have done that and I just like have this, like awareness that I'm just striving to be the best version of myself, like not only for myself, but for everybody else that I come into contact with.
Shelby:Like you're doing yourself a disservice by not entering on this journey and just working on yourself.
Liv:That's why I have be the one on my arm dude. Be the one to change somebody's life Like seriously, be the one to inspire somebody. Like that's why I love being a hairstylist, because I meet so many different people in a day and I can impact their life in that small time that I have. You can really impact someone's life in two seconds, like it doesn't take that much to go up to somebody and impact them in a certain way.
Shelby:Yeah, when you hear those stories too, of like people that are just like so depressed and like all the things and just somebody smiling at them, yeah, just giving them like the time of day and like practicing empathy towards other human beings just goes a long way. I will never walk past somebody on the street or anything like that without at least like acknowledging their presence and like looking at them Same.
Shelby:Because our faces are so on our phones, everybody's in their own little world. People are scared to talk to each other on the elevator and it's like why, like we're all humans living and like having a human experience, can we not like isolate ourselves and actually like be there for one another? Yeah, seriously.
Liv:You know what I mean. I feel like we've become so detached, like we're all here together on this fucking earth. We're all having a similar human experience, going through different things, obviously. But it's like why can't we connect more? Why can't we like be a whole last community and like support one another and talk to one another and engage with one another? Like what fucking happened, dude?
Shelby:I know technology happened, technology happens, it's fine Anyways, oh my goodness.
Liv:Your little post that you made. It was like a repost where it was like somebody before they say I'm proud of you and then after they say you're proud of them and their aura just like lights up.
Shelby:Yeah.
Liv:It's so true, though, because everything's energy, like, the energy you put out is the energy you're going to receive. Your aura can light up in so many different ways.
Shelby:And you can help other people like expand their aura and like their energy and like help, elevate, like their vibration which is so cool. It's so fucking cool. You could literally be like somebody who was just going throughout the world and it's like your mission to lift other people's energies up.
Shelby:And not only is like that going to help that one specific person, but then it's going to be like a domino effect, because then they're going to be in a good mood and they're going to want to make somebody's day. It's like the the at a Starbucks when you pay for somebody behind you and it's just like this train that just keeps going, yes, like just be the one, yeah.
Shelby:And then that is working on yourself, that is putting good energy out into the world, because God knows this world fucking needs it right now More than ever, everybody needs it Honestly.
Shelby:Last thing that I will say too, if you're looking for another resource, this YouTube video I share with like a lot of people in my life that like struggle with, like opening up and like being okay, with like talking about these things Brene Brown on YouTube the power of vulnerability. It's like a 20 minute episode. I had my parents listen to it and they looked at me like they were like, oh my God, like it just clicked in their brain, like why it's important as a human being, to be vulnerable and to show all of your emotions, because if we're not being the authentic representation of ourself, like in the universe, it isolates everybody else and it makes everybody think that, oh, their struggles and what they're going through, like they're the only one. It leads to depression. It leads to like suicide.
Shelby:It leads to like all these things because people think that when they go through like an adverse experience, they're the only one that's going through it. But if you're a vulnerable human being and you talk about your experiences, I mean that's part of the reason why I live and I like do this podcast you know like it's uncomfortable to talk about our adverse experiences and things we've gone through for sure, like it doesn't just go away. But we know that we're meant for more. We're meant to share, like our experiences in the event that it changes somebody else's life.
Liv:Being authentic and being vulnerable is literally never going to fail you.
Shelby:Never.
Liv:Never.
Shelby:Like you may, like people may take advantage of you and like all the things. But would you rather be somebody who's bottled up and like miserable in life and defensive and trying to protect yourself? Or would you rather be somebody who's an authentic representation of yourself and being the most vulnerable human being that you can be on this planet? And if anybody like makes you feel shitty for that, then, like, they have their own issues that they need to work through. You know, like if somebody has something to say about like who I am as a person, it's like okay, well, I know that has nothing to do with me, because I know that you're just projecting a bunch of shit onto me you learn so much about humanity and why people act the way that they do.
Shelby:That if there's like people like honking, if there's traffic and all the things, it's like damn, that person's like really sad you know, or if there's people like comment sections like leaving hate comments it's like, damn like.
Liv:It's a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves.
Shelby:Absolutely. And if you're authentic and vulnerable and confident in who you are as a person and what you bring to the table, then like that shit just like won't affect you. Exactly.
Liv:That's like the most attractive thing that you could ever be is comfortable and vulnerable in your own body and spread that, spread that energy to other people. I think that's a good way to end it. I think so too. Wow, that was literally the best conversation ever. That was the best conversation ever. Are we just like boom boom, boom, boom. We just went off.
Shelby:But if you guys like do that like generational trauma exercise, I mean you don't have to like put it on the internet and show everybody your problems, but like if you do that you watch the YouTube video or if you just listen to this episode and you got something out of it. Like, please share the episode. Like, please share with us. Like everything we love chatting with you guys on the internet.
Liv:We love like, making this like a conversation a community.
Shelby:You know, At the end of the day, like we are sharing our experiences yes but at the same time, like we're doing it because we want to help other people and we want to cultivate this community of people who are just confident and happy and working on themselves and being the most authentic versions of themselves possible.
Liv:I love that was a great way to end it, but I really want to add one more. Go ahead. I just want to say too, when I did that exercise the generational trauma one I ended up writing a letter to my mom and my dad of the strengths that I love about them and I like that made us a lot closer.
Shelby:Oh, my God yeah.
Liv:I just I encourage you to do that too, because you showing your gratitude to your parents of the things that you know, you appreciate about them and the traits that you want to carry throughout your life, they're going to appreciate that so much and it's going to make you so much closer. It's going to show your vulnerability and it's going to make them more vulnerable and more appreciative towards you. So I encourage you to do that as well, because that was super cool to do. My mom cried.
Shelby:I might do that. Yeah, that's actually a really good idea.
Liv:I loved doing that.
Shelby:So good I got that oil, cold foam on my lips.
Liv:Dude, I am not vibing with this.
Shelby:I'm not vibing. Yeah, it's like it's going to. It's going from like a four to a three for me, honestly, anyways, anyways, um, liv's Instagram is at live worth and at lived in dot beauty for her hair page. Mine is at the dot shall be linear. And then our Instagram for the podcast is at evolve a repeat dot the podcast, and I think on tiktok it's just evolve a repeat dot podcast, because I think the handle couldn't beat that long. But thanks, guys for listening. This was a really good conversation. Um, yeah, like I said, if you got anything out of it or you just want to express anything to us, like, our DMs are always open and stay tuned because we have some exciting guests coming.
Shelby:We're starting to plan guests as well. We're really, really excited.
Liv:So pumped. But anyways, love you guys. Yeah, love you. See you next week. Bye.
