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Survived to Thrive Podcast
A podcast designed for survivors of suicide loss. This podcast explores the unique grief experiences that accompany a loved ones death due to suicide, shares insights on how your brain processes this kind of loss, and offers worthwhile and valuable tips you can start today to gain a more joyful and fulfilling life even though your loved one died.
Survived to Thrive Podcast
Episode 91: Bouncing back after the storm.
After experiencing the heart-wrenching suicide loss of a beloved family member, I found myself adrift in an emotional storm, much like those hurricanes that recently battered Florida and North Carolina. This episode of the Survive to Thrive Podcast invites you to navigate these turbulent waters with me, as we explore the raw resilience required to endure life's most challenging moments. Together, we'll unravel the layers of grief, drawing parallels between natural disasters and emotional upheaval, and examine how these profound experiences compel us to confront our deepest selves. Discover how our personal foundations—the anchors of family, faith, and beliefs—are tested in these trying times, and learn how to strengthen them for the storms ahead.
We also delve into practical strategies for emerging stronger from life's trials. Remembering past victories can spark a powerful sense of resilience, serving as a reminder of the strength you possess. Challenges provide opportunities for growth, allowing for deeper connections with those around you and fostering an appreciation for life’s beauty and complexity. By shifting perspectives to view obstacles as avenues for personal development, even the smallest acts of support and compassion from others can deepen our connection with the world. Join me to uncover how you can not only weather these storms but thrive in their aftermath, transforming grief into a profound appreciation for life and the people who enrich it.
As always, thanks for listening!
We are a community dedicated to empower survivors of suicide loss along their grief journey. We invite you to check out our website to sign up for our weekly newsletter, along with other free materials."
Website: https://www.survived-to-thrive.com/
Email: amy@survived-to-thrive.com
You are listening to the Survived to Thrive Podcast with Amy Miller, a podcast for survivors of suicide loss. In this weekly podcast, you will learn more about your unique experiences and gain insights on your brain and how it processes grief and loss due to a loved one's suicide. While suicide grief comes in all shapes and sizes, Amy shows you that you still can have a life full of joy and fulfillment even though your loved one died. You don't have to just survive anymore. You can thrive.
Speaker 2:You are listening to the Survive to Thrive podcast with Amy Miller, episode number 91, bouncing Back After the Storm. Hey friends, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in and joining today. Floridians and North Carolinians if that's even a word I've been thinking about you all. You were pummeled by Hurricane Helene last week. Especially those of you who are in Asheville, North Carolina, really got the brunt of it. I feel just watching you from afar on the news and the aftermath of experiencing such a devastating hurricane, the flooding, the properties that were destroyed, the lives that were lost. I've just been thinking about you all. You've been on my mind.
Speaker 2:And then last night on October 9th, hurricane Milton made its way through, which I'm sure, certainly didn't help those of you who are still dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Helene, those of you who are still dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Helene, but it certainly took its toll on some very beautiful beach areas. I've been watching on the news, especially places like Clearwater and some of those places like Fort Myers and such, and I've just been really paying attention and watching as they are still working on assessing the damage, making efforts to help survivors get to a safe space, and I have just been really thinking about you all, of those of you who had to evacuate your homes, who left and maybe haven't been able to get back to your homes yet to see what was left or what was done or what damage had occurred. You know I've been thinking about you all, so just know that my heart is out there with you. I've been thinking about you, I've been praying for you, I've been giving you all the best possible vibes I possibly could offer to you. I just want you to know I've been thinking of you.
Speaker 2:So, with all of that said, you know, thinking about this hurricane and thinking about the storm and the damage that occurred, it really got me thinking about storms, and it got me thinking about the storms that we've all experienced as survivors of suicide loss, the storms that we've all experienced as survivors of suicide loss, and you know we all experience storms in life, but some storms are strong, some storms are terrible, some storms are catastrophic, right, and I really feel, like those of us who have survived a loss due to suicide, it is very equivalent to a category five hurricane, right, because it's just has such a huge impact on our livelihoods and it's very destructive and challenging, right. And so I really wanted to talk about this today, and I wanted to talk about the challenges and the experience of going through such a catastrophic storm of life and what that does to us, but I also want to talk a lot about, you know, how we can bounce back after the storm. Okay, so first let's talk about what the storms that we've experienced as survivors of suicide loss has brought to us, because there are some silver linings when it comes to these storms that we've experienced. One of the things that I wanted to discuss today was how these big storms and when I'm talking about the storm I'm referencing our loss due to suicide can reveal our deepest selves.
Speaker 2:I feel like so many of us live the majority of our lives on a more superficial, presentable space. We don't really access our deepest selves as much as probably would be healthy, mostly because it's just done out of necessity. We're living our lives, we're working in our workspaces, we're taking care of our families, we're just busy, and we don't really spend a lot of time really focusing on our deepest selves. A lot of this deepest self work happens when we've experienced tragedy. It's when we have been forced to really go inside of ourselves and consider our feelings, our emotions and our thoughts right, and so a lot of times, we're just going on our own automatic default settings and living our lives. When we do go through such a traumatic loss, like suicide loss, we will be accessing our deepest self and we get to get to know our deepest self. We get to learn more about our deepest self, we get to spend time with our deepest self and that, my friends, can be such a good thing because our deepest self is always there.
Speaker 2:It's always motivating us or demotivating us, and I think it's important to spend some time getting curious about our deepest selves and really think about it for a while. It helps us to consider the deeper portions of our minds, thoughts that we've been thinking and the deeper feelings that we've been feeling, and it will help us to really examine them and think about them and even consider if these are thoughts and feelings that we want to hang on to. So I think it is such a good thing when we go through a catastrophe that we access that deepest self and get to know it and learn more about it. A second silver lining I want to talk about is, when we go through catastrophe, it tests our anchor right Now. What I mean by our anchor is our families, our beliefs, our faith, things that are super, super important to us that maybe we don't pay too much attention to, right, and it really can test how strong our anchor is. I think there's something quite amazing about this recognizing how strong our anchors are. When you think about going sailing out in the middle of the ocean and you have these deep, large swells that occur in the ocean, it's important to have a strong anchor to keep your boat balanced, to keep your boat from tipping over and to keep your boat still right. The stronger the anchor, the more still your boat will be, the more stable it will be right. And I think it's important to note and to understand where is our anchor right? How strong is our anchor? How strong is our foundation? How strong is our faith? How strong is our relationships with our family? And I think it's really important to note it.
Speaker 2:Okay, another silver lining from going through the storm of losing a loved one to suicide is it teaches us what really matters. You know, I think I've talked about this before in a previous podcast episode, but I remember after losing my sister and it was over Thanksgiving, and I flew in to where my family was located, where my sister was and everything, so that we could make preparations for her funeral. And I remember just watching all of these Black Friday shoppers out and about in the busyness of getting good deals and you know, spending the time to wait for that. You know discounted 65-inch TV and I remember distinctively thinking about how, what a waste of time that was and how we should really be focusing and spending those precious moments and times with our families over a holiday instead of waiting in line for a 65 inch TV. So I think when we go through a major storm, a major loss like we did, it really teaches us on what really matters the most and I think it's a good lesson and a silver lining really Okay. So those are kind of the. Those are pretty much the three silver linings I feel like that are important.
Speaker 2:So, with all of that said, I really want to talk about bouncing back. You know, I've been thinking a lot about the recovery efforts that have been happening in North Carolina and how people are working together to help their neighbors. People are working together to help. There are neighbors helping neighbors. There's people from other states coming and trying to offer assistance. There's agencies that are there. There's the Red Cross, there's all kinds of different organizations and groups trying their best to help to soften the blow of the catastrophe. And I think at Survivors of Suicide Loss, we all get that to a degree right. We get visitors, we get people reaching out and offering condolences, flowers are coming, meals are being prepped and sent our way, and there's a lot of people that tend to give us much attention in the beginning and then it starts to fizzle out as time passes on right beginning and then it starts to fizzle out as time passes on right, and so it really got me thinking about, you know, the bounce back portion and how we get ourselves back to some sort of normalcy, and I want to talk about that here in this podcast episode because I think this is important to remember.
Speaker 2:Okay, so these strategies that I'm going to share with you today are just some options you can use. Maybe there are some of these strategies that you don't really care much about or, you know, want to do, and that's totally okay, but I highly recommend you choosing one or two of these strategies. It will really help you as you are trying to bounce back after weathering such a horrific storm. The first one is to recall your victories and triumphs. Right, I'm talking about going to your past, thinking about hardships, experiences that you've had that were difficult and that were challenging, that really tested your limits, and how you were able to triumph over those things, how you were able to come out of it all victorious, and I think it's really important to go to the past and look at that and see that as a glimmer of light. It's like showing you that you had the capacity and the ability to do it before and you certainly have the capacity and ability to do it before, and you certainly have the capacity and ability to do it now. And so I think it's just a powerful reminder for us, when we really think about the things that we went through, the hard things we experienced, that we do have the capacity, that we have what it takes, that we are enough, that we're good enough and that we'll be able to get through this experience that we're experiencing now. So really recall those victories and triumphs. It really does help remind you of your strength and resilience and how you are capable of overcoming this difficult time.
Speaker 2:The second bounce back strategy that I want to offer you is see these challenges and obstacles and difficulties as opportunities. Okay, I think this is really really important because, you know, while it's really easy to focus on all of the horrible things that are coming out of the loss, when we can redirect our minds to spend a little bit of focused, deliberate time thinking about the opportunities, it's really going to help redirect our negativity, okay. So, for example, like these setbacks that we've experienced, sometimes what they can do is they can really be a way for us to strengthen our current relationships. So for me and losing my sister. It really catapulted me into being a little bit more mindful and think more about my other siblings, and I really do feel that, as we went through this experience together, that we were able to strengthen and edify each other and help each other go through it, and it really is kind of one of those moments in life where we really had an opportunity to offer compassion to one another and help, support each other and lift each other up. And it's really character building. That's what it really comes down to. It really builds our character. It really shows us our capacity to serve and our abilities to be with our other loved ones and to really take on a responsibility and a role in helping, and I think it's really, really a great opportunity and a great way to look at it. Another opportunity is it can really build your character right.
Speaker 2:Going through an experience like this is character building, no matter how you look at it. Now I will say because I used to hate this where people would tell me oh, you're just so strong, Look at how amazing and resilient you are and you know as much as that was probably true. At the same time, I hated hearing it because I didn't want to hear that. I didn't want to hear you know the positives that were coming through this experience, because it was such a heavy experience to go through and all I really wanted was my sister to come back. Right, I didn't want all of the benefit, right, and it just felt wrong to have the benefit of it, right. But I'm telling you, when you start to switch your mindset and really think of these challenges and obstacles and difficulties more as opportunities, it really really does help.
Speaker 2:Another thing that it does is it really increases your confidence, right, because I've always said and if you have a chance, go back and listen to my podcast on confidence I've always said and if you have a chance, go back and listen to my podcast on confidence. But to me, confidence is the ability to feel any emotion. Okay, whether that be embarrassment, shame, sadness, anger, confidence comes from having the ability to feel any of those emotions, and so it really does increase your confidence when you see that you're able to experience sadness, that you are able to experience grief, that you are able to experience depression, that you're experiencing anxiety and all of those things and still make it through. And I believe that when we see ourselves go through this experience of experiencing these negative emotions. It builds more confidence for us to experience more negative emotions as they come to us and as we are faced with them come to us and as we are faced with them.
Speaker 2:Another opportunity is it just offers us greater appreciation, right, I mean I think about, like, how appreciative I was of my family, of my kids, of my husband as I was going through this experience and how supportive they were. I also felt a great deal of appreciation for people that I barely knew, who helped me, who came to me, who supported me, who brought me food, who sat with me and let me just cry. I remember there was this friend that I met, that I had just barely met at the time, who I didn't really know, but I just had this wave of grief come over me and I just couldn't help but start crying in front of this person and, while I was embarrassed, she offered me such a great deal of compassion and support that it just felt like, you know, that I was being really watched over and cared for by this person and really recognized how beautiful it is and amazing it is that you know there is this gift that we can be offered from connection and from other people in our lives, even if we don't know them very well, and it's about connecting with other human beings who also go through hard and difficult times and who can empathize, and I think we need each other, and so it really did show me and offer me a greater appreciation for other people in my life. Okay Now, so those are some things that you know I suggest in looking for as far as opportunities, as we're experiencing challenges, obstacles and difficulties. So the third strategy I want to talk about for bouncing back is just taking small steps. I feel like this goes without saying, because I think we all logically know but I know, for me, I'm an all or nothing type of person I like it all to do it all or nothing, and so it's a good reminder that when you're dealing with a huge, big catastrophic storm, like losing a loved one to suicide, that it's going to take a little bit of small steps in recovering right. It's going to take some small steps on our behalf to do a little better tomorrow than we did today, instead of trying to do it all at once, because one it's not going to really work.
Speaker 2:You know, I've been really watching and paying attention to the governor of Florida and his response to this hurricane and everything that he was doing to prepare for it and how he was planning and how afterwards. This governor is very involved in recovery efforts and doing what he needs to do to help ensure the safety of the people in the state of Florida and what I really appreciated watching is his efforts and watching how everything is done methodically and step-by-step. And when you do things methodically and step-by-step you don't miss a step right. You do things how they need to be done, in order. You do things how they need to be done, in order, right. And along the way I'm sure there's a lot of decision-making and impromptu decision-making. I guess I should say that needs to occur for him to deal with some of the things that maybe he wasn't expecting or didn't plan for. You know, maybe he wasn't expecting or didn't plan for, but you know, all in all, I've been watching how he's just been methodically and strategically preparing, starting with keeping the residents informed, telling them what they need to do, you know, telling the ones that need to evacuate to evacuate. He was communicating regularly and just doing things step by step, because if he were to succumb to all these people and just say you know, run, get out as fast as you can. Now, you know, it would have been very, very chaotic right. There have been too many people trying to leave all at the same time and it would have made it very challenging and hard to do all at once. So, step-by-step, my friends, and small steps, I think it's important.
Speaker 2:Okay, now the fourth one and the last one I want to talk about is practicing self-compassion and self-love. I think this is super important. I think it's probably one of the most important parts of helping ourselves to become, you know, help us to get through the storm and to bounce back is to really give ourselves some self-compassion and love. We need it. You know, when we're in an airplane and there's an emergency, what do the flight attendants always tell us to do? They tell us to grab our own mask first, put our own mask on ourselves before helping others, and I think it's a good reminder. It's an important reminder that we need to practice self-care, self-compassion and give ourselves what we need first, and then we can use what's left over to help others, and I think it's a good reminder to do that.
Speaker 2:Okay, friends, so that's all I have for you today. Thankful for all of you for listening each week. Again, those of you who are in Florida, again those of you who are in Florida. I've been thinking about you and I hope that, as you get through this storm, that you know that so many of us are watching from afar, that we're praying for you, that we're thinking of you, we're donating to our charities to help in the relief efforts and we just want you to not lose hope or faith. Okay, friends, thanks so much. I hope you have a great week Until next time. Bye-bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to the Survived to Thrive podcast. If you like this podcast, please share with your friends and write a review on iTunes. Also check out survived-to-thrivecom for more information and to subscribe to get the podcast's latest episode, along with useful tips you can begin to use immediately to feel better, directly sent to your inbox.