Survived to Thrive Podcast

Episode 98: Embracing Change: A Guide for Survivors

• Amy Miller • Season 1 • Episode 98

Share episode

This episode explores the theme of change as a vital part of the healing journey for survivors of suicide loss. We discuss the importance of acknowledging current feelings, making small shifts, setting intentions, building supportive networks, and reframing perspectives on change that honors lost loved ones. 
• Recognizing the dual nature of change: fear and opportunity 
• Emphasizing that moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting loved ones 
• The power of small shifts in daily life for healing 
• Setting flexible intentions instead of rigid resolutions 
• The significance of building a supportive network 
• Reframing change as an opportunity for a new chapter 
• Incorporating rituals and symbolic acts as healing mechanisms 
• Accepting and navigating obstacles as part of the healing process 
• Practicing self-compassion during difficult moments 
• Staying connected to your purpose or "why" throughout your journey

As always, thanks for listening!

We are a community dedicated to empower survivors of suicide loss along their grief journey. We invite you to check out our website to sign up for our weekly newsletter, along with other free materials."

Website: https://www.survived-to-thrive.com/

Email: amy@survived-to-thrive.com

Speaker 1:

You are listening to the Survived to Thrive podcast with Amy Miller, a podcast for survivors of suicide loss. In this weekly podcast, you will learn more about your unique experiences and gain insights on your brain and how it processes grief and loss due to a loved one's suicide. While suicide grief comes in all shapes and sizes, Amy shows you that you still can have a life full of joy and fulfillment even though your loved one died. You don't have to just survive anymore. You can thrive.

Speaker 2:

You are listening to the Survive to Thrive podcast with Amy Miller, episode number 98, embracing Change a guide for survivors. Hey friends, welcome to today's episode of the Survive to Survive podcast. You know this is a place that I really wanted to create, for a place for us to explore ways for all of us, as survivors, to find light and growth after the loss of a loved one to suicide, and I'm just so glad that you're here today to join in with me on this conversation. I hope you will all take this to heart, listen to it and hopefully get something out of it to help you as you're navigating your own healing journey towards healing after suicide loss. And, if it is helpful for you, I just wanted to extend the invitation to you to share it. Share this episode, share maybe a previous episode that you found really helpful on your own healing journey, so that maybe we could get this word out that there is some resources out there for other survivors of suicide loss and something they could listen to to help them to think about their loss maybe a little bit differently and to just hopefully help them along their way as they are trying to heal. All right, today's podcast we're talking about changes and shifting, and since we're stepping into 2025, which we are currently in the first month, I really want to keep this conversation going, as 2025, I feel like, is such a great year for us to move forward in a positive direction as survivors, and so I really kind of stay, want to stay with this theme of progress and moving forward and changing and shifting and all of the things. So I hope you'll bear with me, as this topic is something that I've been really thinking about in my own healing journey and in my own personal life, and I just want to share all of the things that I've been thinking about, all the lessons that I've learned and all the considerations I'm making as we are talking about 2025 and what is ahead for us to look forward to. Now.

Speaker 2:

I think most of us can agree that change can be scary, right, and it can be overwhelming, especially when you're navigating the complex emotions and challenges that come with being a survivor of suicide loss. But change can also be an opportunity, okay. It can be a chance for us to grow and to heal and rebuild, and I just want to talk about this because so many of us, you know, want to see changes. We want to maybe change ourselves, maybe we want the things around us to change, maybe we want people to change. Maybe we want the things around us to change, maybe we want people to change, maybe we want just change, right? And this is all very natural, a natural human desire for all of us to have. Is this want for change right, this want for a shift, this want for something that is different than what is? And you know, I think, so many of us when we look at change for what it is, then fear starts to develop and fear starts to come in, and you know, I think that this is all super normal. But I really want to talk about change, in a sense, as a tool or a vehicle to rebuild ourselves in ways that honors both yourself and the person that you've lost.

Speaker 2:

So in this episode, I want to talk about where to begin, how to embrace change and how to handle the obstacles that might come your way, because we all know that there's going to be obstacles, there's going to be resistance, there's going to be things that are going to come in our way, that are going to be challenging to navigate. So I want to cover and address all that today, all right, so first, where do we begin? Okay, we know we want change, we feel it inside of us, we want something different and we, a lot of times, just get stuck in this. Where do I even start? Where do I begin? Well, the answer to this is to acknowledge where you are.

Speaker 2:

Okay, acknowledging where you are now First. It's okay to acknowledge how hard change can feel, like we talked about, especially when you're grieving. Grief creates its own kind of inertia, right, it feels easy to feel stuck in the pain or like moving forward might mean something like it. Maybe it means leaving your loved one behind or not honoring them or forgetting about them. But I think we all need to start by reminding ourselves that moving forward doesn't mean forgetting or dishonoring our loved one. Okay, and I think it's important to remind ourselves that, because I think a lot of times we worry that if we're moving forward, if we're changing, if we're doing something different to better our lives, that somehow we're dishonoring our loved one.

Speaker 2:

No, no. Okay, it's about carrying that memory with you in a way that brings meaning and peace to your life. Okay, let me say that again, moving forward is about carrying their memory with you in a way that brings meaning and peace to your life. Okay, so, in order to do this, you've got to reflect on your current state. You got to start by asking yourself a few questions. Okay, the first question you need to ask yourselves what's one small area of my life where I'm ready for a shift? Okay, think about it. I don't want you to really think about it in terms of a big area.

Speaker 2:

Okay, maybe sometimes, when we think about where we want to shift, we think about these big, giant leaps and bounds, right, maybe we go to this grandiose ideal of where we are, to where we really want to be. Like, some of us might be working, you know, at McDonald's and we want to be millionaires. Okay, that's a pretty big leap to be considering or thinking about. Maybe we are thinking about, you know, getting over our grief completely. Okay, that can be an overwhelming and almost impossible goal, because maybe currently you're in a deep area of grief, where you're really in one of those grief trenches, right? So you need to think of the in terms of small areas, small things like one area. Maybe you're ready for a shift in, maybe, a new relationship. Maybe you're ready for a shift in a dynamic that you're currently in to be for the better. Maybe you want to shift your role at work. Maybe you want to shift the way that you're taking care of yourself. Okay, you just need to pick one small area of your life where you're ready for a shift, and I want you to think about that shift, that area, and then ask yourself what's holding me back from making that change? Okay, and be honest with yourselves, because I think so many of us make excuses and we're really good at making excuses it's definitely easier to see why we can't make changes, right, we can find many reasons, we can find many excuses, right, but I want you to really honestly answer this question, like what is holding your back? Maybe it's the career that you've chosen to be in. Maybe it's a person in your life that's holding your back. Maybe it's the grief that you're stuck in, right? I want you to really be honest about it because I think it's important. Okay, once you have been able to come up with the answer to what's holding you back from making that change? I want you to think about or consider how might my loved one want me to grow or heal?

Speaker 2:

Okay, I think this is very key and crucial to really consider our loved one that we have lost, right? Because I am a strong believer that, despite losing a loved one to suicide, as long as we're thinking about that person, as long as we're considering what they might think or what they might feel or what would they do or what would they say, or, you know, whenever you're thinking about the way that they died and how you know maybe you could have done something different, or you're just about the way that they died and how maybe you could have done something different, or you're just going through all of these cases and scenarios and you're considering this person, you're maintaining a relationship with that person, you're maintaining a continuous dialogue with that person in your head, you're continuing to keep them in your thoughts, and that's truly where relationships are is in our thoughts and what we think about people and how we feel about people and all of those things. So I think you need to consider how my loved one want me to grow or heal and really consider it. Okay, now, this doesn't need to be a big life altering moment.

Speaker 2:

Sometimes the first step towards change is a simple is deciding to care for yourself a little more each day, whether that's by eating better, maybe it's by journaling or reconnecting with something you once loved. Sometimes it's just that right, like maybe before your loss, you really enjoyed picking a bracket and hitting a few balls at the tennis court. Okay, maybe you could reconnect with that. Maybe you really enjoyed knitting and you just stopped after your loss for whatever reason. Right. I think there's a lot of things and a lot of symbolism in stopping things that we enjoyed when we're going through our grief experience, because we're basically really using all of our energy to help cope right and we don't want to expand any or expend any energy on anything else, including the things that we enjoyed. So I really want you to consider that. You know you could just reconnect with doing that. That doesn't mean you have to go out and be very involved in tennis again. You could just go and, you know, invite a friend and hit some balls back and forth with no game being played, right? It's just something simple to help you reconnect with whatever it is that you loved.

Speaker 2:

Okay, the next thing is to set intentions. Okay, now, I'm not talking about resolutions, I'm talking about intentions. It's a lot more flexible when we're speaking in terms of intentions as opposed to resolutions, and they really allow space for you to move through grief at your own pace. So, for example, you could say I intend to create more moments of peace in my life right. Or I intend to be gentle with myself as I grow Okay. There's really something about setting those intentions, right. Because when we say we are going to create more moments of peace in my life or we're going to be gentle with myself as I grow, it doesn't feel flexible. It feels like it's either do it or don't right now. I'm not saying that those are necessarily bad, but I feel like it's a lot softer and a lot easier, especially for grievers, to really set intentions, as opposed to resolutions.

Speaker 2:

Okay, now, with all that said, let's talk about embracing change. Okay, we need to start small and stay present. Okay, change doesn't have to happen all at once. In fact, I would say it's often the small, steady shifts that are the most sustainable. So you need to focus on what you can do today, what you can do this hour, or even what feels manageable. Maybe it's just reaching out to a friend of yours or trying a new routine, or simply allowing yourself to hope for something better. You know, I've really thought about this a lot, where I just, you know, sometimes I allow myself just to focus on something to look forward to in the future. Maybe it's, you know, a trip I want to take, maybe it's a book that I want to read, maybe it's a movie I want to see. Okay, sometimes, just doing that is really helpful in helping you to stay a little bit present and allow yourself to feel some positive feelings, because, let's face it with grief, there's so many negative feelings, but sometimes we just need to shift our focus on something that's going to bring us a little bit of joy once in a while. And so, even if it's just about a movie you might be looking forward to seeing, or a book you're looking forward to reading, or, you know, maybe it's a conversation with a friend of yours, somebody that you enjoy being around, it really does help.

Speaker 2:

The next thing I want to say about embracing change and how to do it is to really just build a support system. You know, navigating change doesn't have to be a solo journey. I think so many of us just think that we have to do this all on our own, by ourselves. No help, right, no support. But here's the truth. Okay, we all have people or a therapist or someone in our lives that we can trust, that we can feel support from, and I think we need to surround ourselves more with these types of people that could just be like a good friend of yours, or maybe a family member that you really connect with, or a therapist even. You know. There's so many great therapists out there.

Speaker 2:

Coaches, coaches are fantastic. I have a coach. I love coaching. Coaching to me has benefited my life in such an extraordinary way, more than I could have ever imagined, and so being able to really use a coach to help me organize you know the thoughts that are going through my head as I've navigated this grief experience I've grieved with has been so effective.

Speaker 2:

Support groups for survivors those are fantastic. There's so many different ones around depending on where you are. Look for your local support groups for survivors of suicide loss. They can be so helpful. They can help you to meet new people, develop relationships with people who understand the experience you're going through. I think they're fantastic. I'm always an advocate and I always recommend finding a support group and then just surround yourself with people who can hold space for your grief wall, also encouraging your growth.

Speaker 2:

You know, I think sometimes we surround ourselves with the wrong people, the people that don't really support us and maybe even make us feel bad for feeling something about our losses. Right, I've done it. I know so many survivors who have people in their lives that are going through this right now and I just have to tell you you don't need those people, you don't need to surround yourself. Maybe there are people in your lives that maybe just have to tell you you don't need those people, you don't need to surround yourself. Maybe there are people in your lives that maybe will have to stay in your lives, but you can choose and decide how much time you spend your time with them and really be intentional about the people that you're choosing to spend your time with, because they really do make an impact on your healing journey and they also make an impact on so many different aspects, on your perceptions in life and just your overall current you know state of health that you are, your mental health, okay, so really do take that into consideration because I think it's really important, okay.

Speaker 2:

Next thing I want to talk about is reframing your perspective on change, because so many people see change as something to fear, okay. So what I really want you to do is to try to reframe it as an opportunity to write a new chapter. It's not about forgetting the past, because I think a lot of us have that misconception, okay, that when we're changing, we're letting go of the past, we're forgetting the past. It's about finding ways to integrate it into the who you're becoming. Okay, I think it's huge when you think of change as this way. It's not letting completely go of everything that has happened to you the experience of losing your loved one, the, the way that it all unraveled and the way that you handled it, the good, bad, the ugly okay, bring that with you, but also make that. Merge that with who you currently are and who you are becoming. I think it's huge, okay.

Speaker 2:

The next thing I want to talk about is leaning into rituals and symbolic acts. Sometimes, creating a ritual can help you embrace change. Okay, it could be something about doing something that's symbolic to you. That means something to you. Okay, for each of us, I feel like it can be a different thing. Some people like to write notes to their loved one, or just write notes to their past selves or their past relationships with their loved ones, right, and let them go. Maybe burn them, maybe, you know, let them go into the sky with a lantern or something like that. Okay, I think there's something to it when we're creating some sort of ritual of letting goals, letting go of the hard things, the things that have been difficult, the things that you've been carrying around. There's something symbolic about that, and so I think that that's really great.

Speaker 2:

Also, people like to plant plants, trees, flowers, things like that. For my sister, sunflowers, sunflowers was the thing. In fact, one of my aunts she, you know, as her way to help us honor our loved one, our sister, is she gave out a cute little packet of sunflower seeds that had a picture of my sister and talked about on that little piece of paper all of the things that are symbolic about a sunflower and how the sunflower being planted would be in memory of my sister and I just loved it. It was just a way for us to look at those flowers, think about her, think about the impact that she's made on the lives of others and how that there is always hope, because sunflowers, um, like to look forward towards the sun and it's just very symbolic for us. So any of those types of things, I think, really helps. You know, and there's a myriad of different things making vision boards, you know, doing things that maybe service or something in honor of our loved one.

Speaker 2:

These acts ground you and they give you a sense of purpose as you move forward. I feel like, so I highly recommend, okay. So let's talk about dealing with the obstacles and roadblocks. Okay, expect and accept resistance, because I've got to tell you it's going to come to you. It's normal to face resistance, both from within yourself and from the world around you. Change really stirs up uncertainty and grief can really amplify that. And when these obstacles arise, remind yourself that setbacks don't mean failure. They're just part of the process. So when they come, just remind yourself. This is part of it. This is part of what I'm going through, you know. So let's talk about these obstacles.

Speaker 2:

When they do come, I want you to ask yourself what's the root of this obstacle. I want you to ask yourself what's the root of this obstacle, okay, and I want you to think of it. Is it fear, is it doubt, or is it something external. I think it's an important answer that you need to come up with because it will really help you to understand the obstacle and also will give you a clue on the best way to remedy the obstacle. Okay, and then, after you have identified if it's fear, doubt or something external, then I want you to consider what is one small thing you can do to address it today. Okay, not to address it tomorrow, not to address it, not what we should have done to address it in the past. But what is one thing, one small thing because, again, we don't want to overwhelm ourselves that we can do to address it today, and I think it's important because breaking challenges into smaller, actionable steps can make them feel less overwhelming.

Speaker 2:

Okay, now, with all that said, remember, just practice self-compassion as you go through all of this. You're going to make mistakes, you're going to take steps backwards. It's not going to all just happen all at once when it comes to change and shifting. You're not going to be able to embrace it all at once. Okay, you're going to have things that are going to come up for you. You're going to have resistance, you're going to have relationship disagreements. Probably you're going to have a lot of different things, okay, but just remember to take time to practice some self-compassion, because when the things do get hard, it is really important to be kind to yourself. Okay, and also remember change is messy, healing isn't linear. And instead of criticizing yourself for struggling, just remind yourself of how far you've already come. Say to yourself I'm doing the best I can and that's enough. I think it's huge. I think it's so important that you do this for yourself. Really practice self-compassion. So another thing I want you to think about is just stay connected to your why.

Speaker 2:

When you're feeling stuck or discouraged, just revisit your why. Why do you want this change? Why do you want this shift? Why? Why should you change? Why should you shift? I think it's really important to go back to that, because sometimes the change is so important. We get lost and forgetful of it when it becomes hard and when it becomes difficult. So just go back to reminding yourself and understanding your why. Okay, and think about what is the purpose of it. Is it to honor your loved one's memory? Is it to find joy again or to create a life that feels meaningful? Just keeping that purpose front and center can help you navigate the hard, the hard days as you're trying to embrace the shifting and the changing. Okay, all right now.

Speaker 2:

My final thoughts on all of this is just remember that change and growth are not easy, but they're worth it. Okay, and just think this 2025 year is. I want you to understand and know that you're not alone in this. It's okay to take this journey one step at a time, and it's okay to ask for help and support and really just help and support and really just consider yourself, consider, take a moment, pause and reflect and just think about that one small shift you can make this week to create space for healing, growth or connection, whatever it is. Trust that even the smallest actions can lead to meaningful transformation.

Speaker 2:

All right, friends, if today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. So feel free to make comments, send me email. I'd love to hear what you think about what we talk about on this episode and any of my past episode. I really want to create a community where we can support and inspire one another. And again, thank you so much for joining me today on the Survived to Thrive podcast. Just remember, you know that you are, just know that you are stronger than you know and the future holds more hope than you can see right now. So until next time, take care of yourself. You deserve it and I'll see you then. Bye, bye.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for listening to the Survived to Thrive podcast. If you like this podcast, please share with your friends and write a review on iTunes. Also check out survived-to-thrivecom for more information and to subscribe to get the podcast's latest episode, along with useful tips you can begin to use immediately to feel better, directly sent to your inbox.