Survived to Thrive Podcast
A podcast designed for survivors of suicide loss. This podcast explores the unique grief experiences that accompany a loved ones death due to suicide, shares insights on how your brain processes this kind of loss, and offers worthwhile and valuable tips you can start today to gain a more joyful and fulfilling life even though your loved one died.
Survived to Thrive Podcast
Episode 102: Breaking Free from Victim Mentality After Suicide Loss
Grief is an overwhelming journey, especially after the loss of a loved one to suicide. In this episode of the Survived to Thrive Podcast, Amy Miller explores the profound complexities surrounding grief and the often misunderstood concept of victim mentality. Many survivors find themselves trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts, questioning their worth and the fairness of their circumstances. However, it's time to break free and transform that pain into empowerment.
Amy Miller discusses the profound grief survivors face after suicide loss and encourages healing through empowerment. A focus on breaking free from victim mentality provides actionable insights to reclaim strength and joy.
In this episode we explore and take a deep dive into the following:
• Understanding victim mentality related to suicide loss
• Steps to empower yourself and thrive amidst grief
Through open and honest conversations, we create a space where survivors can connect, heal, and support one another. Listen in to discover how to shift your perspective from one of victimhood to one of strength and agency, and uncover the potential that lies within you. This episode is a powerful reminder that grief doesn't have to define us; we have the strength to shape our narratives and create lives full of joy.
As always, thanks for listening!
We are a community dedicated to empower survivors of suicide loss along their grief journey. We invite you to check out our website to sign up for our weekly newsletter, along with other free materials."
Website: https://www.survived-to-thrive.com/
Email: amy@survived-to-thrive.com
You are listening to the Survived to Thrive Podcast with Amy Miller, a podcast for survivors of suicide loss. In this weekly podcast, you will learn more about your unique experiences and gain insights on your brain and how it processes grief and loss due to a loved one's suicide. While suicide grief comes in all shapes and sizes, Amy shows you that you still can have a life full of joy and fulfillment even though your loved one died. You don't have to just survive anymore. You can thrive.
Speaker 2:You are listening to the Survive to Thrive podcast with Amy Miller, episode number 102, breaking Free from Victim Mentality After Suicide Loss. Hey friends, welcome back to the podcast. So thankful for you all for being here and listening and supporting and sending me messages, and I just appreciate you all. I appreciate this opportunity to have topics discussed related to suicide loss. I feel like I wish there were more outlets, there were more resources, there were more things out in the world that really help support us survivors who are left behind.
Speaker 2:I really have a passion for helping survivors get through this grief, because it is a grief like no other. It is something that is profound, that's extraordinary, that's extremely excruciating. It's a lot of things right, and I feel like that it's really difficult to grapple with this topic and to understand it and to really make sense of the whole ordeal, because it is just something that has a lot of unique elements to it, right, a lot of unique pieces of grief that other grievers don't have to experience, right. So I really wanted to create this podcast in order for us all to have a place where we can gather, we can listen, we can talk, we can have conversations, we can discuss openly hard, hard things Because, let's face it, going through suicide loss is a hard, hard thing and it's something that I think all of us, as survivors, would never wish upon anyone, right? We would never want anyone to go through this. Yet here we are, faced with it and there's just not enough resources out there, there's not enough outlets, and I feel like you know, when I went through the beginnings of my grief experience after I learned that my sister died by suicide and I was trying to understand it and make sense of it, I had an outpouring of love and support from family, friends, people from my church, all kinds of people were reaching out. And I remember this specific couple that came by my home, an older couple, and they dropped off a meal and were very kind and very generous, right, and I just thought how sweet that was that these people were willing to take time out of their day and offer some support and provide a meal, and it just really felt great. And I remember one of the I don't remember if it was the husband or the wife, but one of them had asked me what had happened to my sister, and I remember sharing with them that my sister had died by suicide and what I saw in their reaction wasn't what I really expected at the time. I saw their facial expression change. I saw their body language change. I saw their energy change and I remember just thinking about how uncomfortable it made me feel watching their whole body and their face and their expression and their energy shift like that and it really quite made me super uncomfortable and I recognized in that moment how taboo the subject is.
Speaker 2:Right that suicide is misunderstood. It's one of those topics that makes a lot of people uncomfortable and I think it's because it is something that has a stigma. It has a lot of people uncomfortable and I think it's because it is something that has a stigma. It has a lot of beliefs around, a lot of religious beliefs, a lot of political beliefs, a lot of different types of beliefs and because of this reason, there's not very many people that are willing to really have these honest and frank conversations about suicide. And so I think, looking back on that experience, that really catapulted me into really wanting to create a space where we can have these conversations and talk more about suicide loss in a way that's open and honest and frank and that we can all come together and really discuss the things we're feeling and the things that we're thinking about, and not feel the judgment and not feel the stigma and not feel you know all of the taboo feelings that come along with it. So I hope this space has created that for you and I hope you keep coming back each week, and I'm just really excited about this year. I've got a lot of podcast episodes that are in the works and interviews that I'm going to be having that I think are going to be so useful for you. So thank you so much for supporting and, if it resonates with you, share it with other people, because I would love to get more exposure.
Speaker 2:Okay, so today I want to talk about a topic that is kind of uncomfortable, speaking of uncomfortable topics, and that is victim mentality. And I think that a lot of us misunderstand this topic and we believe this topic makes our suicide, loss and our experience mean something different than what it is. So I really thought that we should dive into this. So, in order to do so, I want to just talk about with you about what victim mentality truly is. Okay, let's be clear. Okay, first, victim mentality is not about being a victim.
Speaker 2:Okay, I think all of us can agree that going through a loss, going through suicide loss, is where we have been victimized, right. All of us, all of us survivors, have been victimized. We've gone through something that is life-changing, that's traumatic, and we have become victims in the scenario of suicide loss Because most of you who are listening had a good or close relationship with whoever we lost, right. Maybe you didn't have a good relationship with a person that we've lost, right, and that's okay too. We still are all victimized by the experience of going through grief, specifically suicide loss. Grief and this loss is real, right, and the pain is real. The feelings are real, right. There are truly sensations in our bodies. The pain is a true sensation in our body as we hear the news, as we're dealing with the aftermath, as we're learning more things, as we're gathering more information, as we're having more conversations with you know, the investigators, and with the people that possibly found the person, or the friends or family that were close to this person, or conversations you didn't know happened, or secrets that come out right, and it's a real experience that we're experiencing okay. So that's not what I'm talking about when I'm talking about victim mentality okay mentality, okay.
Speaker 2:Victim mentality is a thought loop, okay, that keeps you stuck in suffering. Okay, so bear with me. This is what it sounds like. This isn't fair. Right, where we are experiencing this loss, we're dealing with the grief and we spend a lot of time thinking about this isn't fair. Or here's another example I'll never be okay again. I'll never be okay again. Okay, it's another thought loop that we can get stuck in. Another thought loop. No one understands what I'm going through. Okay, now these thoughts feel true. But here's the truth they're not useful. They keep us waiting for something outside of us to change. But here's the deal. The only way forward is to take radical responsibility for our healing, not because it's fair, not because it's easy, but because it is the way to freedom from it. Okay, from it, okay.
Speaker 2:Now I want to talk a little bit about something, and that is the comfort of victimhood. Okay, so let's get real here for a minute. Sometimes we cling to victim mentality because it feels like protection. If we hold on to this idea that this shouldn't have happened, we don't have to move forward, we don't have to risk more pain. But here's what I want you to hear. Okay, victim mentality steals from you. It takes your power, your peace, your ability to create something new. Right, and listen. I know this isn't easy and no one's saying it is, and no one wants to just try to just think happy thoughts and be fine. Here's what I am saying is you get to decide what happens next and you get to decide how you carry this loss and that decision. That's where your power lives. Okay, you get to decide what happens next. You get to decide how you carry this loss. That's yours, your decision, and I'm telling you when you start switching your thoughts into that, that is where your power lives, okay.
Speaker 2:Now, another thing I want to touch on today is that grief and responsibility can coexist. Okay, because here's the thing grief is not something to fix. It's a lifelong companion. It's not something that's going to probably ever totally go away. It's going to come and go. You're going to have ebbs and flows and there's going to be good days and there's going to be better days and there's going to be worse days and there's going to be really hard days and there's going to be everything in between. But what I want you to understand is there's a difference between carrying your grief with love and being weighed down by it.
Speaker 2:Okay, victim mentality tells us that, because this loss was so unfair that our lives must stay small, small, broken or incomplete. But I want you to consider if this is even true, okay, what if we can both honor our loved one and continue to live a life full of meaning? So one of the most healing shifts we can make in our healing journey, when we're talking about losing someone and dealing with the grief and the aftermath of the suicide and all of that, is to help us to move from why did this happen to me to what can I do with this? Not because the pain disappears per se, but because we are more than our loss. We are still here and we still have a purpose, and I think it's really important that we really consider this and think on this.
Speaker 2:Okay, now, here's where we get real practical. I want you to start noticing when victim mentality shows up, that moment when your brain says I can't do this, or it's too hard, or no one understands. That's your cue. Here's what you need to do, and I think I introduced this before. This is a Mel Robbins thing where she says you count backwards from five, four, three, two, one and you interrupt this pattern.
Speaker 2:Okay, you're not your thoughts, you are the thinker of your thoughts. Okay, you are the orchestrator right Of what you're thinking. So if you can interrupt this cycle, even just for a second, you can start making different choices. Maybe that choice is just thinking about how you're going to get out of bed today. Maybe that choice is just thinking about how you're going to get out of bed today. Maybe your choice is going to be reaching out to a friend. Maybe it's journaling, going for a walk or listening to something uplifting. The point is, you choose, okay, and every time you choose something new, you break free just a little more and, like I say, it doesn't have to be a big thing, it can just be a small thing. Okay, now, let's be honest, this work isn't easy, but neither is staying stuck.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I feel like sometimes we think, oh, I just can't do that. It's going to be so hard. Yes, it's going to be hard, okay, but because you're in this stuck position where you are stuck in this victim mindset and these thoughts of how life isn't fair and why did this happen to me and why did this person do this to me? Right? And if you're stuck there, you're going to be in a hard place and you get to choose which hard place you want to be. You get to choose either to stay stuck, which is really, really hard, or you can choose to break free from the cycle you're stuck in, which is also hard, okay. But let's think about the benefits here, right, and the benefit is, if you choose to break free from that cycle, is that you'll get to start gaining some momentum to move forward, to do something different, right? And you have survived the worst days of your lives, right? That means you have this strength inside of you that you haven't even fully tapped into yet. Did you realize that, because you've gone through something so extraordinary, so painful, so excruciating, so hard, and you survived it, you have a strength inside of you that you never even knew that you had. So here's what I want you to do just for today. I want you to notice your thoughts, notice when victim mentality starts to creep in and when it does, I want you to count backwards Five, four, three, two, one and choose something different. Just one small shift, one small thing. When you start to see that something is creeping in and you're starting to think something like life isn't fair, why don't you think about something that you could do today, like shift it? Think about you know, I'm going to take the dog out for a walk. I'm going to. You know, write in a journal. I'm going to, you know, do something healthy for my body. I'm going to go take a bath. Just one small thing. It doesn't even have to be a big thing, right, and it's going to start shifting. What your actions are going to be when you start going into that victim mentality and I'm telling you, doing this little change and this little help, this little thing that I'm telling you to do, is really going to make a huge difference and you're going to see that, as you start making these changes, the next time it's going to become easier and easier and easier, and that's how habits are formed, that's how changes happen. That's how changes happen. That's how we're able to get unstuck from where we're stuck and it really will help you in your healing process.
Speaker 2:All right, friends, thank you so much for listening today. I just want you to know that I see you and I believe in you and I know you are capable of more than your pain wants you to believe. Because here's the truth Pain wants you to believe that you're going to be stuck there forever, but that is a lie and that is not the truth. Thanks, friends, for listening today. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs it and just remember you're not alone. And remember you are not alone and remember you are stronger than you know. Keep going, my friend.
Speaker 1:Until next time, Bye-bye. Thank you for listening to the Survived to Thrive podcast. If you like this podcast, please share with your friends and write a review on iTunes. Also check out survived-to-thrivecom for more information and to subscribe to get the podcast's latest episode, along with useful tips you can begin to use immediately to feel better, directly sent to your inbox.