Survived to Thrive Podcast
A podcast designed for survivors of suicide loss. This podcast explores the unique grief experiences that accompany a loved ones death due to suicide, shares insights on how your brain processes this kind of loss, and offers worthwhile and valuable tips you can start today to gain a more joyful and fulfilling life even though your loved one died.
Survived to Thrive Podcast
Episode 104: Can I love my life again?
In this episode we explores the possibility of loving life again after suicide loss, challenging the painful lie that grief tells survivors about never finding happiness after such devastating loss.
• Healing doesn't mean "moving on" from your loved one but carrying them with you as you create a meaningful life
• Feeling joy isn't betraying the person you lost - loving your life doesn't mean you love them any less
• Breaking free from victim mentality gives you power to choose how you move forward
• Be mindful of your inner circle - surround yourself with people who help you heal, not reinforce your pain
• It's not disloyal to outgrow relationships that keep you in suffering
• You are not just someone who lost a loved one to suicide - you get to redefine your identity
• Start rebuilding your life with small steps that gradually lead to pursuing bigger dreams
• Give yourself permission to laugh, feel joy, and dream again - not because you're "over it," but because you're alive
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. Reach out with questions or topic suggestions at amy@survived-to-thrive.com.
As always, thanks for listening!
We are a community dedicated to empower survivors of suicide loss along their grief journey. We invite you to check out our website to sign up for our weekly newsletter, along with other free materials."
Website: https://www.survived-to-thrive.com/
Email: amy@survived-to-thrive.com
You are listening to the Survived to Thrive Podcast with Amy Miller, a podcast for survivors of suicide loss. In this weekly podcast, you will learn more about your unique experiences and gain insights on your brain and how it processes grief and loss due to a loved one's suicide. While suicide grief comes in all shapes and sizes, Amy shows you that you still can have a life full of joy and fulfillment even though your loved one died. You don't have to just survive anymore. You can thrive.
Speaker 2:You are listening to the Survive to Thrive podcast with Amy Miller, episode number 104. Can I Love my Life Again? Hey friends, welcome to the podcast. Thanks so much for joining. This podcast is set up for you as a survivor of suicide loss. I want you to know that I care about you, that I love you, that I understand you. I know what you're going through. I know the to know that I care about you, that I love you, that I understand you. I know what you're going through, I know the difficulty it is to grapple with guilt and anguish and pain and the experience of losing a loved one to suicide. And I just want you to know that I'm here for you and I'm so thankful that I have this opportunity to share messages of hope, messages of enlightenment and hopefully say a few words that can help inspire you as you progress through navigating in this journey of being a survivor of loss due to suicide. So thank you, thank you, thank you side. So thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:Now, one of the questions that comes up often is, how you know, we wonder if we could truly love our lives again, because when we are dealing with loss, and especially suicide loss, it can feel very impossible. It feels daunting, the task feels out of reach. And the truth is and the simple answer is that, yes, it is possible to love your life again, even after loss. And if you are listening right now, you might be thinking that sounds nice, but I don't see how I'll ever get there. And I just want to say to you that I get that Okay. When we lose someone in such a devastating way, it can feel like any chance of happiness probably died with them. But that's a lie. It's a painful, convincing lie that grief tends to tell us. And the truth you are here and your life still matters. And, yes, you can have a life that you enjoy, that you have peace in, that you love and that you can get excited about. And I know so many of you feel like it might be a long stretch, but I want you to bear with me, listen to this podcast episode and we're going to discuss this in a little bit more detail, but I'm hoping and my goal of this podcast is for you to just imagine the possibility of loving your life again, just doing that one single step, and just think about how there is potential and there is a possibility that your life can be full of joy, happiness and peace again is enough, and so I just want to throw that out there before we go into a deep dive into this topic.
Speaker 2:Okay, in the first section of this episode, I really wanted to talk about this idea, this myth, really, of moving on. Right, we're told that healing means moving on, but I want to challenge that. Here's the deal you don't have to move on from your person. You can carry them with you as you create a full on from your person. You can carry them with you as you create a full, meaningful life. Now there's a grief expert that I've talked to you, that I've received a lot of training from. His name's David Kessler. I'm sure you've heard me mention him before, but he talks a lot about finding meaning after loss, and what he's trying to say is this doesn't mean the loss is good or that it was meant to happen. It means you get to decide what happens next.
Speaker 2:And one of the biggest roadblocks to loving life again is the belief that if we feel joy, we are somehow betraying the person we lost, and this is another lie. Loving your life doesn't mean you love them any less at all. It doesn't mean you've forgotten them. It just means you're honoring them by living fully. Okay, all right, so I want you to really consider what I just told you, that and if you didn't fully digest it, I highly recommend going back, rewinding it and listening to this because, again, this is truly one of the biggest roadblocks. Okay, is that? So many of us believe that, if we are feeling some sort of happiness, some sort of joy, some laughter, some, you know, glimpses of peace, that we're somehow betraying the person that we've lost? But that is the biggest, biggest, biggest lie. Okay, so I really want you to digest that.
Speaker 2:Okay, now, in my last podcast episode number 102, I talk a lot about breaking free from this victim mentality. Right, and I think this is important because I want to mention it here, because this is a real tough one, but if you've lost someone to suicide, it's so easy to slip into this victim mentality thinking right, this happened to me and now I'm broken forever. Right. And victim mentality first of all, I just want to say it feels protective, right, but it actually keeps us stuck. It tells us we have no power. It tells us we have no choices, that we're doomed right, that this is just the way it's supposed to be because it feels protective. But here's the truth you do have power.
Speaker 2:Okay, now, you can't change what happened. You can't go back right. You can't go back and change the whole loss. You can't change what your loved one chose to do. You can't change what was said in the past. You can't change anything about it. Okay, it is what it is right. But you can choose how you move forward. You can decide Okay, you get to decide whether or not you are a creator of your life or if you're just a survivor of this loss, and that decision alone is life-changing.
Speaker 2:Okay, now I want to talk about a little bit more about your inner circle. Okay, because, as I have touched on in another episode, I talked a lot about your inner circle and the company you keep and the people you choose to be around, because it's really important that you're real mindful of the people that you surround yourself with right, because it's truly going to help determine the quality of your life. So I really want you to ask yourself who am I allowing into my world? And I want you to really question if they're helping you heal or if they're reinforcing your pain. Okay, and I know this is a hard thing to do, because a lot of these people that we've been a part of our lives may have been a part of our lives for a long time. There may be some sort of responsibility with these people. Maybe they're family members, maybe they're children of yours, maybe they're you know, your parents, maybe a sibling, someone that maybe you don't want to lose in your life. But I think it's really important to bring out the awareness of who is helping you heal and who is reinforcing your pain, okay.
Speaker 2:Another side note I want to say is that it is not disloyal to outgrow relationships that keep you in suffering. Okay, if you have a friend that just keeps you down, that every time you're with them they're just draining you, or you just feel, uh, when you're around this person, you know it is not this loyal to outgrow that relationship, okay, just because they're keeping you in suffering. So what you really need to consider is who to surround yourself with, and I am always an advocate to surround yourself with people who believe in your ability to find joy again, people who remind you that your story isn't over. If you don't have those people right now, start looking, because they exist. I have found these people in my own life. It took some work, it took some time, but they're there. There's people there that really want to be in your cheer squad, that want to really support you and help you, okay, and these people really are there and need to be in your life. So I want you to be very open to new relationships. Looking outside of your inner circle, bring people in and look for the people that really want to help you to find joy.
Speaker 2:Okay, now, another point I want to bring up is how to rebuild your identity. Okay, because I think sometimes we get lost in this identity of being a survivor right when we just have gone through something that's been life shattering, and sometimes we wonder who we are now and what your future is going to look like. Right, I know I was there. That was something that really really, really impacted me. But there is this concept. It's called self-definition and what it means is how we get to decide who we are, even after something life-altering happens. Okay, you are not just someone who lost a loved one to suicide. That is part of your story, but it is not your whole story.
Speaker 2:Okay, you get to rewrite the next chapters. You get to even write the next sentences, the next, okay, you get to rewrite the next chapters. You get to even write the next sentences, the next paragraphs. You get to rewrite it, okay. And you got to ask yourself what dreams do you still have? What excites you? Okay, if that feels too big to ask you those questions, start small, just one step at a time. Ask yourself something like what would you like to do for yourself to take care of yourself more? Maybe it's drinking more water, maybe it's doing more walks. Start small and as you start to just even consider it some of the things that you want to do okay, and you start to implement them into your life, you're going to notice you're going to feel lighter, you're going to feel better, you're going to feel a little bit more rested, you're going to feel a little bit more peace. It has so many different benefits, right? So, remember, you get to rewrite the next chapters. Start small and as you do the small ones and you complete the small things, then be open to a little bit bigger things, okay, and a little bit bigger after that, and eventually you'll probably be able to even go after big dreams that you've had for so long and not feel so stuck in where you're at now in your grief.
Speaker 2:Okay, now, one note I want to say, and something I think is super important to be reminded of, is no one is coming to save you. Okay. Now, that might sound harsh, but it's actually very empowering, because you're not sitting there waiting for a person or something to save you. Okay, this is going to give you what you need to motivate yourself to move. Okay, no one else can decide that your life is worth loving again. Only you can, and I promise your loved one would want you to. So, today, I just want to give you some permission. Okay, permission to laugh, permission to feel joy, permission to dream again, not because you're over it, but because you're alive. Okay, you're a living, breathing human being, and life isn't just to suffer. Life is to feel joy, life is to feel peace. I promise you this is true, I promise you. Okay, so start small, do something small, be very mindful of your inner circle, try to consider this victim mentality that you potentially could be stuck in, and and allow yourself to rebuild your identity, just one step at a time. Okay, so, thank you so much for being here today.
Speaker 2:If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with someone who needs to hear it. So please do so, and thanks so much again for listening. Until next time, keep going, keep living and know that you're not alone, and if you have any questions, reach out to me. I would love to hear from you. My email is amyatsurvived-to-thrivecom. I would love, love, love to hear what you thought about this episode, maybe also offer ideas on other topics that you would like to hear more about or learn about, and I would love to produce that for you all. So, again, thanks so much for listening, until next time, bye, bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to the Survived to Thrive podcast. If you like this podcast, please share with your friends and write a review on iTunes. Also check out survived-to-thrivecom for more information and to subscribe to get the podcast's latest episode, along with useful tips you can begin to use immediately to feel better, directly sent to your inbox.