Survived to Thrive Podcast
A podcast designed for survivors of suicide loss. This podcast explores the unique grief experiences that accompany a loved ones death due to suicide, shares insights on how your brain processes this kind of loss, and offers worthwhile and valuable tips you can start today to gain a more joyful and fulfilling life even though your loved one died.
Survived to Thrive Podcast
Episode 109: When Work Feels Like Too Much: Returning to Work After Suicide Loss
The jarring disconnect between your shattered world and the normal workplace environment can feel impossible to navigate after losing someone to suicide. Whether you're returning after a few days of bereavement leave or struggling months later, this episode walks through the complex reality of grief in professional settings and offers practical guidance.
Grief fog isn't just emotional—it's your brain's protective response to overwhelming loss. When you can't concentrate on spreadsheets or client meetings, it's not failure but your mind processing trauma. This neurological phenomenon explains why tasks that once came easily now feel insurmountable. Understanding this mechanism gives survivors permission to adjust expectations temporarily without shame.
Work environments can either support healing or deepen isolation. While routine and structure benefit many survivors, unsupportive colleagues or inflexible policies can intensify suffering. We explore practical strategies like preparing scripts for awkward interactions, taking strategic grief breaks, setting micro-goals, and communicating boundaries. Success during grief might look different—sometimes just showing up is a victory worth celebrating.
Most importantly, returning to work doesn't mean "moving on" from your loved one. You're learning to carry them with you as you navigate a changed world. The strength it takes to show up day after day with a broken heart isn't weakness but profound courage. If you're struggling to balance professional responsibilities with grief, know you're not alone. Share this episode with someone who needs these tools or reminder that they're doing better than they realize.
As always, thanks for listening!
We are a community dedicated to empower survivors of suicide loss along their grief journey. We invite you to check out our website to sign up for our weekly newsletter, along with other free materials."
Website: https://www.survived-to-thrive.com/
Email: amy@survived-to-thrive.com
You are listening to the Survived to Thrive Podcast with Amy Miller, a podcast for survivors of suicide loss. In this weekly podcast, you will learn more about your unique experiences and gain insights on your brain and how it processes grief and loss due to a loved one's suicide. While suicide grief comes in all shapes and sizes, Amy shows you that you still can have a life full of joy and fulfillment even though your loved one died. You don't have to just survive anymore. You can thrive.
Speaker 2:You are listening to the Survive to Thrive podcast with Amy Miller. When work feels like too much. Returning to work after suicide loss with Amy Miller, when Work Feels Like Too Much. Returning to Work After Suicide Loss. Hey friends, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today.
Speaker 2:This is a space for survivors of suicide loss who are learning how to keep living despite losing a loved one to suicide. I'm your host and I want to thank you so much for showing up here today because, let's face it, you have options, you have choices. There are so many different places you could have chosen to be, yet here you are with me, taking some time out of your busy schedules and your day, and you are spending it with me and listening to this podcast. So thank you so much. It really means the world to me and I appreciate you taking the time All right. So today, my friends, this episode is about something, a topic that can feel like a mountain to climb and that is going back to work after loss, and specifically going back to work after losing someone you love to suicide. Maybe it's been just a few days and you're just getting back from your bereavement time. Maybe it's been a few weeks, maybe it's been months, maybe it's been a year, maybe it's been two years, and you're still wondering how you're supposed to sit at your desk and pretend like everything is okay when your world has just been blown apart. Right, you're not alone in that. Let's walk through it together.
Speaker 2:One of the first things survivors notice when they return to work is just how normal everything seems to be around them and how not normal they feel inside. Right, because when you return to work, you're expected to check emails, attend meetings, deal with customers, do whatever it is that you're supposed to do, and pretty much act like nothing has happened, but inside, your brain is foggy, your heart is heavy and your energy is completely drained. Okay, this is part of what is called grief fog, and grief fog is your brain's way of protecting you from the intensity of loss all at once. Okay, because here's the thing if we were to experience grief all at once and that intensity all at once, no-transcript, what you're going through is completely normal. Okay, one of the lessons that I have learned about our brains, as I have learned about coaching and I have learned from experts in this field, is that when your brain is overwhelmed, it's okay to expect less from yourself temporarily. Okay, this isn't laziness, it's wisdom. And the truth is, grief is a full-time job. Okay, now you might feel pressure to return to work and perform at your pre-loss level, and I get that. Maybe your boss expects it, maybe you expect it, but what I want to offer you is this truth what you expect of yourself matters. And when you're grieving, expecting yourself to bounce back is not only unrealistic, it's also unkind.
Speaker 2:Okay, going back to work is not about pretending you're okay, it's about letting yourself show up as you are, and that might mean just taking some breaks to cry in the bathroom. Okay, it might mean missing a deadline or two. It might mean asking for help when you haven't asked for it before. Okay, there's no gold star for pushing through pain, but there is healing in honoring your limits. Okay, now I want to talk about how work can help and hurt.
Speaker 2:Okay, work can be a helpful structure. For some, it can offer distraction, routine, even a sense of purpose. I've noticed that a lot of survivors, the sooner they get back to their routines and back to their normals, the better it is for them. But for others, it can feel like a betrayal to the person they lost, like moving on too soon. Right, moving forward isn't about moving on. You can reengage with your work and still honor your person. You're not forgetting them. You're learning how to carry them with you and, with that said, some workplaces are not safe or supportive environments. So if your coworkers don't acknowledge your loss or if you're expected to get over it quickly, that can deepen your grief, and you have permission to advocate for yourself or to ask for flexibility. Maybe you could request a quieter role, different hours or gradual re-entry. Hr exists for a reason, and so do your boundaries, and I think it's really important for you to keep that in mind. Okay Now, one of the topics that comes up for a lot of survivors is handling people's reactions.
Speaker 2:One of the hardest parts of returning to work can be the people. Some will say too much and some will say nothing at all. Some will offer cliches or uncomfortable silence. Okay, it's not your job to educate everyone or manage their discomfort, but it is helpful for you to prepare yourself for it. You might want to have a script ready. For example, you can say things like thank you for your concern. I'm not ready to talk about it right now, or I appreciate your support just trying to get through the day, or it's been a hard time, and I'm doing my best. I think having these scripts already in the back of your mind will be really helpful, because sometimes, when people approach you and they say things and they might say the wrong things or an uncomfortable thing it's always helpful to have a response prepared, because sometimes, when we're preparing on the fly, we might say something we may regret. So I think it's always a good idea to have a script ready, and one of the things I want to remind you of is that other people's reactions are about them and not you. Your job is to take care of you. Okay, all right.
Speaker 2:One of the other things I want to bring up is redefining success at work. What does success look like now? Maybe it used to mean nailing presentations or leading projects, or whatever it is you do. Maybe it's managing a team. Maybe it's, you know, coming up with new ideas. Right now, success might mean just showing up, okay. It might mean answering one email. It might mean making it through the day without quitting. Sometimes we have to redefine success. In seasons of pain, you're not doing it wrong isn't a helpful A lot of times when people are saying to themselves you're doing it wrong. That's not really a helpful thought, but this is hard and I'm doing my best is Okay. You don't have to be your old self to be worthy. You're still enough even now, even in grief, okay.
Speaker 2:Next thing I want to talk about is some practical tools for work while grieving, because sometimes we, when we're emotional, it's really difficult to think practical right. So let's talk practical for a moment. The first one is is set micro goals. Don't plan your whole day. Plan the next five minutes, especially especially if this is a new loss. Okay, sometimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to put in a full day's work and to work hard and to grind. Okay, don't plan your whole day like that. Just plan the next five minutes. Maybe plan five minutes of grinding and then take a break. Okay, and I think that's really important.
Speaker 2:Another thing is a way to work while grieving is to take grief breaks. Okay, I like to label them grief breaks because you know, when we think of breaks, we think of breaks every two hours for 15 minutes and a lunch break and those sorts of things. But sometimes you just need to take a minute to step outside, breathe, maybe cry if you need to, and that's okay. Okay, and listen. If you're in an environment where your environment's not so conducive to that, maybe talk to somebody who is there and let them know about your situation, and just let them know that you may have to take a few breaks here and there so that you can, you know, get yourself back to your job and to your responsibilities. And I have to tell you that most people that do this, even if it's in a high-paced work environment, their leadership understands, okay. Grief is something that I feel like we don't speak about or we don't talk about, but I think there is this underlying understanding that I think most human beings understand that when we lose something or someone that we care about, you know there is going to be some sad times involved, that there is going to be moments where you need to take a break or you need to breathe, and I think they're very understanding of this. All right.
Speaker 2:Another practical tool is to limit multitasking. Your brain is already juggling grief, don't add more. So if there is something that is, you know, really all-consuming or a big responsibility, maybe you should limit that, okay, and limit how much you many responsibilities you could do at once, because, let's face it when you have grief in the back of your mind, you're not going to be your best at the other things. So really, really, really consider limiting multitasking. Another thing that I think is a real practical tool is to communicate boundaries. I mean, here's the truth you need to communicate to your team on how to support you, if you're comfortable. I think that this is so helpful because here's the truth A lot of survivors don't quite know how to communicate this, yet the people that are involved with this person really don't know how to help you. They don't know how to be. They don't know how or what to say. Okay, so if you can communicate some of that with your team or the people that you work with, they're going to really appreciate that, because then they'll have a better idea on how to help you and how to be supportive of you. Okay.
Speaker 2:The next practical tool I want to talk about is to plan emotional off-ramps. Okay, if something triggers you, have a plan. Maybe it's a trusted person, a safe space or a way to pause. Maybe you just step outside the room for a minute. Maybe you just take that quick little brief break that we talked about earlier. Maybe you go to the bathroom even. Okay. If something triggers you, just make sure you have a plan in place, because sometimes, when we are triggered and we don't have a plan in place and we don't know how to deal with it, sometimes our reaction will be something that we wish we wouldn't have done, and to prevent that from happening, the best thing to do is to have a plan, okay.
Speaker 2:Now, one thing I want to say is you're not weak. Okay, if you are doing these practical things're grieving, and grief needs space. So if you've made it back to work, even just for one hour, you are doing something incredibly brave. You're showing up in a world that feels upside down and you're choosing to keep on going, even when your heart is broken. And that is not weakness, my friends. That is strength. Grief is a reflection of love, and you're allowed to carry that love with you into your meetings, your emails, your calendar invites. You don't have to be who you were before. You are becoming someone new, and that version of you deserves compassion, patience and time. All right, friends, thank you so much for joining me today. If this episode resonated with you or helped you, consider sharing it with someone else who's walking this hard road. You're not alone. You're deeply loved and you are doing better than you think you are. Until next time, be gentle with yourself. Thank you, friends, for joining me today. Have a great week and I'll talk to you next time. Bye-bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to the Survived to Thrive podcast. If you like this podcast, please share with your friends and write a review on iTunes. Also check out survived-to-thoncom.