Survived to Thrive Podcast
A podcast designed for survivors of suicide loss. This podcast explores the unique grief experiences that accompany a loved ones death due to suicide, shares insights on how your brain processes this kind of loss, and offers worthwhile and valuable tips you can start today to gain a more joyful and fulfilling life even though your loved one died.
Survived to Thrive Podcast
Episode 111: When grief meets financial insecurity!
Financial insecurity often accompanies suicide loss, creating additional stress during an already devastating time. While grief alone is overwhelming, money problems can add confusion, fear, guilt, and anger as survivors navigate the aftermath.
• Survivors frequently face unexpected financial challenges after suicide loss
• The deceased may have been the primary breadwinner or left behind financial disorganization
• Shame often prevents survivors from addressing financial concerns openly
• Financial insecurity represents a significant secondary loss in grief
• Our nervous systems in survival mode aren't built for complex financial planning
• Small perspective shifts can help move from paralysis to action
• Start by understanding your current financial situation before making plans
• Identify truly urgent expenses versus those that can wait
• Ask for expert help from financial advisors, grief support resources, and trusted friends
• Look into available support like Social Security survivor benefits or nonprofit assistance
• Release perfectionism and remember your worth isn't tied to your financial situation
• Take one small, kind step at a time toward rebuilding financial stability
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As always, thanks for listening!
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Website: https://www.survived-to-thrive.com/
Email: amy@survived-to-thrive.com
You are listening to the Survived to Thrive Podcast with Amy Miller, a podcast for survivors of suicide loss. In this weekly podcast, you will learn more about your unique experiences and gain insights on your brain and how it processes grief and loss due to a loved one's suicide. While suicide grief comes in all shapes and sizes, Amy shows you that you still can have a life full of joy and fulfillment even though your loved one died. You don't have to just survive anymore. You can thrive.
Speaker 2:You are listening to the Survive to Thrive podcast with Amy Miller, episode number 111, when Grief Meets Financial Insecurity. Hey there guys. Thank you so much for joining me today. I appreciate you. So many of you are longtime listeners. Thank you so much for joining me. This is episode 111.
Speaker 2:I'm so proud of this podcast and everything that we've been able to discuss. I think these topics are near and dear to survivors of suicide loss and I really think that it helps to talk about these things because, let's face it, there's not a lot of places where you can hear open and honest conversations when we're talking about being left as a survivor of suicide loss, and you know we speak about hard topics that really impact survivors who have dealt with the aftermath of losing someone that they care about so deeply in this way. So I appreciate you all for joining. Today's episode is going to look a little different. I've been thinking about doing this for a while. I've been thinking about recording this podcast on a video so that I can start streaming this on YouTube. I think this will expand our reach. We'll be able to get this information out to more survivors. I also am doing it because I really want to be able to share my screen at times where I can share some graphics and some visuals, as we're talking about some of these topics that we're going to be talking about throughout the years recording this podcast. So I wanted to also have that feature available, and so I've decided I'm going to go this route. So don't worry, if you've been listening on this podcast. I've been only recording audio versions of this podcast. So if you're listening on an audio streaming platform, don't worry, I'm still going to make sure that you know the audio is going to be understandable, despite being able to see it on video. So I've got you in mind as I'm recording these as well. So thanks again for being patient as we are making this transition. So, for those of you who are watching for the first time and listening to me for the first time, I want to just give you a little brief introduction to me and what I do, and then we'll go into this topic. So my name is Amy Miller. I'm the owner and CEO of Survive to Thrive Coaching. I am also the host of this podcast. Ceo of Survive to Thrive Coaching. I am also the host of this podcast.
Speaker 2:I empower survivors of suicide loss, find their joy in life again, and that's what I have as my mission. That's what I want to accomplish, that's what I want to do. I just want survivors to know that they can have a life full of joy and fulfillment despite losing someone that they love so deeply to suicide. So I wanted to provide that space for them and resources to do it, because, let's face it, when we go through grief, we just don't really know what to do. Right, there's no manual for it, and, especially when we're dealing with the aftermath of suicide, loss to accompany the grief experience it can be complicated, it can be complex, but the truth is you can find a life where you feel joy and peace again. You can find a life where you can go spend some time with friends and you can laugh again and you can enjoy experiences and you can look forward to things. And you know, once you learn the strategies which I teach, you can find yourself in that very spot again. So I just want to share that with you so that you feel like there is hope for you, no matter how deep in your grief that you currently are.
Speaker 2:So, without further ado, let's go on with the podcast topic for today. So today we're going to be speaking about financial things. Okay, this is something that comes up for a lot of survivors as they're trying to deal with the aftermath of loss. You know, sometimes the person that we lost left us with a big financial mess. Sometimes, you know, the person that we've lost was the primary breadwinner. Sometimes the person that we lost left us a lot breadwinner. Sometimes the person that we lost left us a lot of money right and we're trying to figure that out. Sometimes the person that we lost had a lot of secrets. Sometimes the person that we lost left a lot of unorganized paper trails right, and so we're just trying to make sense of all of this financial mess while we're trying to deal with losing the person that we care so much about.
Speaker 2:And this is a very common experience for a lot of people who lose people in general, but especially for people who have lost a loved one to suicide, because, let's face it, suicide typically is never planned. Maybe the person that we lost had been planning for a while, but taking care of the finances is typically the last thing that's on their mind when they're in that state of mind. So what ends up happening is there's a lot of financial messes that have to be cleaned up and the survivors have to figure it out and clean it up, and it's unfortunate. And, at the same time, I just want to offer you this hope that, while this may feel very difficult and challenging to navigate, you are capable and you have the ability to figure this out. This is all figureoutable, and so I just want to offer that to you as we're talking about this topic. So, whether your loved one was the primary breadwinner, your partner in managing money, whether your loved one was the primary breadwinner, your partner in managing money, or someone who left behind debts or hard financial things, right or unfinished plans, the financial fallout can feel overwhelming, right, and grief already rocks our foundation, but add money stress, it can feel like the whole house is on fire sometimes, right? So today we're going to explore why financial insecurity often accompanies suicide loss. We're going to also talk about how to begin taking small, empowered step forwards and, most importantly, how to be kind to ourselves throughout this entire process.
Speaker 2:Okay, so first off, let's talk about grief alone. Grief alone is such a heavy burden, right? But for many survivors, there's an invisible weight added to this grief, and that's money. And when somebody dies by suicide, it's often sudden and unexpected and there may be no financial preparation. Okay, there may be no will, no life insurance, no contingency plan. You may be left with funeral costs, shared debt, a mortgage or even loss of income overnight.
Speaker 2:And no one talks about this. No one wants to talk about it, right? It's kind of embarrassing. You feel a lot of shame. Maybe you feel a lot of anger. You might think I shouldn't be thinking about it money right now. I should be mourning.
Speaker 2:But here's the truth Financial insecurity is not a sign that you're doing grief from okay. It's a real invalid part of the experience for so many families and there's nothing shameful about struggling. I think it's really important that we kind of take away this shame all right out of struggle. I feel like so many of us feel a lot of shame when we're struggling and I don't really think it really helps. It doesn't really change it. It doesn't put you in a positive place to where you can start making steps. If anything, shame freezes us in the space that we're already in and it's not helpful. So I just want to say there's nothing shameful about struggling, okay.
Speaker 2:As we know, money and grief are both emotionally charged topics on their own right, but when they collide, it can create a storm of confusion, right? Maybe you're scared. You don't know how to pay the next month's rent or how to keep food on the table for your kids. Maybe you feel guilt, right, like, maybe you wonder if I would have just seen this coming, I could have made more preparations. Maybe you feel guilt, right, like maybe you wonder if I would have just seen this coming, I could have made more preparations. Maybe you feel guilty that you should have done a little bit more planning in case something were happening that you didn't know about, or you know that you would have lost your loved one in a different way, in a sudden way, and so you feel a little guilt for not making preparations. Right, maybe you feel a lot of anger because your loved one left you in this position. Right, this is so common. I think a lot of survivors do feel a lot of resentment and anger towards their loved one because of this, because they have left them with this financial mess to clean up.
Speaker 2:So there's this thing that I learned in my grief certification program, where we talked a lot about secondary losses, right, and when we think of secondary losses, we think about our primary loss as being the person that we love, that we care about, but then we also talk about things that may be loss, in regards to the fallout of that loss, like divorce maybe it's a loss of a job, something of that nature but what we don't talk a lot about is we don't talk a lot about the loss of money, right? And yet money is such a crucial part of our well-being and such a crucial part of our survival and such a crucial part of our position in this world, and yet we don't really want to talk about it. We don't want to deal with it, right, and I would just want to say that, while you're facing all of these money problems that you may be dealing with, you're not alone. Okay, there are so many survivors that are dealing with this as well as you.
Speaker 2:Now, I want you to recognize that your nervous system is likely in survival mode, and survival mode is not built for spreadsheets and budgets. Okay, it's built for breath-to-breath living, and so when we're dealing with both, it can be challenging and a struggle, but here's the thing I teach a lot about this connection between our thoughts and our feelings. So, while we cannot change what happened, we can gently start to notice the thoughts that we have around money, okay, and we can begin to shift them even slightly. And we can begin to shift them even slightly. So, instead of thinking things like I'll never recover this, what if you tried on this thought, try on, I'm learning how to navigate this one step at a time. Now, this isn't about toxic positivity.
Speaker 2:I hate that. I hate where you are offered the ideas that you shouldn't be thinking any negative thoughts at all, because, let's face it, it's not reality, it's not really, it's not really easy to do, it's not something that we should even be thinking about doing. Right, we don't want to be constantly thinking positive thoughts about everything that happens to us or with us, or about us or our families, right, but it's just a little tweak in our brain to help us to begin to look at things just with a slightly different perspective, because slight changes like that can be huge. They can really change the trajectory of the direction that we are going towards. So even just a slight positive shift in the way that we're looking at things, a slight different perspective on what we're dealing with and what we're facing, it can be a big, big deal. So one thing I want to remind you of is that if you're feeling paralyzed, you don't have to have all the answers today. You just need to know the place in which to begin. Okay, and the reason why I want to say this is because think about this If you're out in the car and you're driving around trying to find your destination, there's no way you're going to know where to go if you don't have in mind or are clear about where you are starting from right.
Speaker 2:You can't just randomly take a guess. If you are for example, I live here in Arizona. Okay, I wouldn't know how to drive to Colorado if I didn't know where I was in Arizona. I'd be just taking a stab and it would be very difficult to get to my. If we don't know where we are starting from, it's hard to plan, it's hard to know what the next steps are, it's hard to know where to go from here if we don't know where we're beginning from. Okay.
Speaker 2:So here's a few gentle steps to take when you're ready to handle the finances. The first one is know what's coming in and what's going out. Okay, again, you have to know where you're starting from to get where you're going, right. And if you don't know how much money is coming in and you don't know how much money is going out, even if it means you have to face the fact that your loved one that died brought in all of the financial security. It's important to know that. It's important to know what you have in the bank. It's important to know what you're spending your money on and go from there, because if you don't have any clue, you know, then you don't have anywhere to go from here and it can really cause you problems in the future, right? So, even if it's a super painful thing to face, begin to get curious. Think about where your essential expenses are your housing, your utilities, your food, your transportation. This is where you become real hyper-focused on reality, on the truth. You really have to think about and write it down, what it is that you're spending money on, how much money you're spending, and really start thinking about where you can start cutting expenses and making changes and adapt to your new found situation that you find yourself in.
Speaker 2:Okay, the second thing I want to suggest is ask for help. I want you to ask for help emotionally. I want you to ask for help for yourself, practicality. I want you to ask for help. Okay, this is not a time to do it alone. Okay, because, let's face it, sometimes facing all this financial stuff is really difficult to do. It may mean that you need to hire somebody who knows what they're doing with finances right? Maybe a trusted friend can help you, maybe a coach, maybe a financial advisor right? Maybe someone who knows how to handle the logistics when it comes to probate and estate planning and things like that. You need to start gathering a tribe of people who know what they're doing because, let's face it, now is not the time for you to be learning at all. I know, as much as we want to take all that responsibility upon ourselves, there's going to be a lot of things that we just do not know, and having expert advice is going to go a long way. So make sure you're gathering the troops, you're gathering the tribe, you're gathering your people, you're building a team so that you can be able to help yourself get through the logistics. And if you're worried about paying for all of this, there's so many counties that offer free financial counseling. There's some grief support nonprofits out there that offer emergency financial assistance. Start doing some research and look into it, okay.
Speaker 2:The third thing is to identify what's urgent. Okay, and don't try to fix everything all at once. I know sometimes we feel like we have to right Everything, might feel urgent, but I really want you to take some time to prioritize and really decide what it is that's super important that needs to be dealt with right now, like what bills are due next week. If your electricity is due, that might be a bill that needs to be paid. If you need to pay for your automobile insurance, you don't want to be driving around with no automobile insurance, so you better make sure you take that on. So really identify the things that need to be taken care of, like right now. That's really important as you're trying to survive after losing a loved one.
Speaker 2:Another thing is to think about how you can't pay for it. Decide on which things you can eliminate. Decide the non-essential things, the things that maybe you're paying for that are just not needed. I'm talking things like subscriptions. I'm talking things like extra expenditures. Maybe there's like a membership that they have at a gym or that maybe both of you had a gym. Maybe now this is the time to really think about those things that are non-essential items and remove those from what you have to be paying for.
Speaker 2:Another thing is I want you to look into available support If your loved one served in the military. Sometimes there's some resources out there that you may just not know about. There may be some VA benefits. If you had children, you might qualify for survivor's benefits through Social Security. I think those are really important to look into. If you're uninsured, you may be eligible for health coverage assistance. Help exists, but grief makes it hard to find. So just be sure that you start asking questions, asking around, looking into it, googling. Google will be your best friend right now.
Speaker 2:The last thing I want to talk about is to release perfection. I think so many of us feel like we have to be so perfect right All the time, especially if you're a primary caregiver. Maybe you have kids and you feel like you got to do everything the best right now. But let's be frank, we can't. Okay, we're human beings. We can't be perfect at everything, and especially when we're dealing with the aftermath of loss.
Speaker 2:So I want you to release that pressure on yourself to get it right all of the time and to be perfect at it. You're not going to be perfect at it, and that's okay. You can make mistakes, it's not a big deal. Hey, you can make mistakes, it's not a big deal. There's no one that is going to be calling you out at this time. There's no one that's going to be looking at you and thinking, wow, you didn't do that perfectly, you need to get better at that. No one's going to do it. And even if they did so, what? Who cares? You're a human being. You've gone through a traumatic experience and you need to release that pressure on yourself. You're already in under enough pressure as it is.
Speaker 2:Okay. Now I want to tell you that your worth is not tied to your bank account. You're not defined by the financial mess that grief may have left you in, and you're worthy of support, stability and safety. Okay, no one, if no one else, has told you this. You're doing a remarkable job.
Speaker 2:Okay, before we go, take a deep breath, place a hand over your heart, say to yourself I'm learning how to rebuild. I'm not alone. I'm doing the very best that I can. And I think you've got to remind yourself that, day in and day out, as you're navigating the complexities of suicide loss, all right, you don't have to figure it all out today. Just know that. Just take one small step, kind step, and then another, and then another. Thank you so much for listening today. It's such a crazy thing. Going through this type of loss. I know I feel it. I'm there with you. I've been through it myself. If this episode has spoken to you, please share it with someone else who needs to hear it today. I know you probably know someone, so share it with them. And again, I appreciate you joining me. Thanks again for listening to the Survive to Thrive podcast. Until next week, bye-bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to the Survived to Thrive podcast. If you like this podcast, please share with your friends and write a review on iTunes. Also check out survived-to-thrivecom for more information and to subscribe to get the podcast's latest episode, along with useful tips you can begin to use immediately to feel better, directly sent to your inbox.