Survived to Thrive Podcast
A podcast designed for survivors of suicide loss. This podcast explores the unique grief experiences that accompany a loved ones death due to suicide, shares insights on how your brain processes this kind of loss, and offers worthwhile and valuable tips you can start today to gain a more joyful and fulfilling life even though your loved one died.
Survived to Thrive Podcast
Episode 116: When Overwhelm Feels Too Heavy
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Overwhelm after suicide loss feels uniquely crushing, but there are practical ways to navigate these heavy feelings without trying to do everything at once. We explore why overwhelm feels different after suicide loss and share a step-by-step approach to break free from the paralysis it creates.
• Overwhelm comes from our thoughts about circumstances, not the circumstances themselves
• Four reasons suicide grief creates intense overwhelm: unanswered questions, emotional complexity, energy depletion, and unexpected triggers
• Stop and breathe when overwhelm hits to bring your nervous system back to baseline
• Break all-or-nothing thinking by focusing on just one small doable task
• Clean up your thinking by choosing thoughts that serve your healing
• Give yourself permission to rest without guilt—it's not laziness, it's refueling
• Small steps repeated create movement that eventually leads to healing
If you're feeling especially overwhelmed today and your thoughts are dark, please reach out to someone you trust, or call or text the Suicide Crisis Lifeline at 988 in the US. You're not alone in this.
As always, thanks for listening!
We are a community dedicated to empower survivors of suicide loss along their grief journey. We invite you to check out our website to sign up for our weekly newsletter, along with other free materials."
Website: https://www.survived-to-thrive.com/
Email: amy@survived-to-thrive.com
You are listening to the Survived to Thrive podcast with Amy Miller, a podcast for survivors of suicide loss. In this weekly podcast, you will learn more about your unique experiences and gain insights on your brain and how it processes grief and loss due to a loved one's suicide. While suicide grief comes in all shapes and sizes, Amy shows you that you still can have a life full of joy and fulfillment even though your loved one died. You don't have to just survive anymore. You can thrive.
Speaker 2:You are listening to the Survive to Thrive podcast with Amy Miller, episode number 116, when Overwhelm Feels Too Heavy. Hey friends, welcome back to this week's podcast. I appreciate you joining the Survived with Right podcast each week. I just am so thankful that you come, that you participate, that you support, that you leave me messages, that you share this podcast with other survivors. I just appreciate it so much. I'm so thankful for this platform to bring these topics to the forefront, things that are difficult to talk about, things that we deal with as survivors of suicide loss and topics that are just a little bit taboo in general. So I just appreciate being having this platform to do it and I hope that you find some peace and solace as you join each week, because that's my whole goal. So thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:If you found yourself here, I know you're carrying something so heavy. It just feels like your heart is breaking all the time. Maybe today feels impossible, maybe you woke up already exhausted and weighed down by the memories and questions and the to-do lists and it just can feel so overwhelming. And you know, this overwhelm isn't just about the busyness of life itself, but it's about carrying a grief so complex, so layered that sometimes even brushing your teeth is just that extra thing that can feel like you're climbing a mountain. So today we're going to be talking about the topic of overwhelm, because I know this comes up for so many of us as we're trying to get through the complexities of this grief experience we're experiencing.
Speaker 2:You know, I think about my life as I was dealing with the grief of my own sister back in 2017. I was kind of in this place in my life where we relocated. My husband was, you know, starting a new venture in a new state. We had just relocated from out of state. We had moved to the state of Arizona. My husband was starting a private practice. We were kind of in the in-throws of trying to navigate the newness of the place we were living, getting my kids registered for school and just trying to figure out all of the things. And then, on top of it, we were, you know, thinking about buying a new home and it just felt like the pile of things that were on our to-dos were continually, you know, growing as days went by, lost, of course. The feelings, the emotions, the sadness, the grief, everything just piled on top of all of the things that I already had on my plate and it just felt like I was going to break and that I was going to split in half. And here's the thing I know so many of you are feeling the exact same thing, where you just feel like you just can't take one more thing and listen. I feel for you, I know it, I know exactly what your experience.
Speaker 2:And so today we're going to talk about this topic of overwhelm and we're not going to just talk about it in an organized way. We're talking about it through the lens of grief, but specifically suicide, loss, grief, and we're going to speak to it with the wisdom that I learned as a life coach, that I have utilized to help my clients manage and understand their own minds, and we're going to be drawing from the teachings that I learned from David Kessler and all of the personal experience that I've even personally experienced. So we're going to dive right into this Now, because when you're grieving this deeply, it's not really about removing the overwhelm completely. It's about learning how to meet it, hold it and take the tiniest steps forward when everything in you, inside of you, wants to curl up and just forget the whole thing and disappear. Trust me, I've been there. I know exactly what that is, so let's talk about this, okay.
Speaker 2:First off, we have to understand what really is. So. Overwhelm is not caused by our situations, by our circumstances. It's caused by your thoughts about your situation and circumstances. Okay, so let me say that again, overwhelm is not caused by your circumstances. It's caused by your thoughts about your circumstances. Now, I understand that that's a big statement, but when you've lost someone to suicide, the first reaction might be no, this situation is overwhelming and it's true, the event itself is deeply traumatic and this loss is massive. But the feeling of overwhelm comes from when your brain is trying to tell you about it. For example, let's say you lost your spouse and they left you with a mountain of bills to pay. Okay, your circumstance might be that there are unpaid bills. Okay, now you might think to yourself I can't handle this, I'll never get caught up. This is too much. And what happens with the way that you're thinking about it is it's going to create this feeling of overwhelm.
Speaker 2:Now, overwhelm often comes when we believe everything needs to happen right now and that we must figure it all out before we move forward. Now, I think the truth is that nothing actually happens all at once, our brain just piles every task, responsibility and emotional weight into one big, impossible heap In grief. This gets magnified because your brain is already on overload and you're processing loss, guilt, confusion, shame, all of the things. And you're also having to navigate all of the responsibilities, the life tasks, the family dynamics and even the late legal and practical aftermath of suicide loss. So your brain does what it thinks is helpful. It tries to think about all of it at once. But if you really think about it, it's like your computer. Okay, if you're going to open like 50 browser tabs in your computer, it's probably going to freeze, right, and that's because there's just too much. It's too much at the same time, right. And that's the same thing with our brains. Our brains can't handle everything all at once. It's not helpful. It's not useful and it certainly doesn't make the tasks any easier to tackle on.
Speaker 2:Okay, now we must ask ourselves why suicide loss makes overwhelm feel different, and we're going to talk about this Now. I have found that there's four specific layers or different areas and reasons why this overwhelm makes suicide loss feel different. Okay, so here's the thing Suicide loss has unique layers that make overwhelm more intense. Okay, the number one reason is because there's unanswered questions. Right, your mind may be endlessly replaying the why or what could have I done? Or adding mental clutter that you just simply can't check off. A list, right, your mind may be endlessly replaying the why or what could have I done? Or adding mental clutter that you just simply can't check off. A list, right, you're just going to have all these unanswered questions.
Speaker 2:I remember, after my sister's passing, I just I couldn't really fathom or understand how my sister could physically or had physical capacity to do it. She was small, she was young, she was, you know, brilliant and bright and it just it didn't make any sense. I was super confused, and so this is a question that I'll never really get an answer to, right, and I know that many of you, as survivors of suicide loss, deal with the same thing, where you just have these unanswered questions. So when you have unanswered questions, it's going to make the overwhelm just feel different. The second reason is because of the emotional roller coaster you find yourself. You're not just sad, you might feel guilt, anger, abandonment, shame or even relief, right, and the swirl of emotions making focusing harder is going to really make that overwhelm feel so much different.
Speaker 2:The third reason and this one's a big one, this one's one that I feel, like anyone in grief not just specifically to suicide loss experience and that is energy depletion, because grief literally drains your physical energy. Right, it's like the tasks that felt so easy once now take twice as much effort, twice as much energy, twice as much motivation. Sometimes, even just getting out of bed is a huge task in itself, right, because of this energy depletion, which is going to add to making the overwhelm more intense. Okay, the fourth reason is unexpected triggers. Okay, the fourth reason is unexpected triggers.
Speaker 2:Okay, you might be going about your day and suddenly something drops you into a deep emotional place. Maybe you run into somebody that maybe your loved one was with, or maybe you get a phone call, or maybe you learn something about the loss and you just find yourself going into a deep emotional place, and that's just going to also add to the intensity of your overwhelm. And you know, this is the thing when you're doing these things. This means your brain is juggling way more than you realize, and it's not really laziness or lack of motivation, it's just that your emotional RAM is already being used up by grief, so you can't really think clearly when you're thinking about everything at once and in grief, this is amplified. So the first step isn't to do more, it's just to slow everything down.
Speaker 2:Okay, so let's talk about the steps. So, step one you need to stop and breathe. Okay, when overwhelm hits, this might feel very counterintuitive. You want to solve it, not stop. But your brain in overwhelm is like a shaken snow globe. If you just keep shaking and shaking and shaking it, you're never going to see clearly. Okay, so here's what this might look for you. Okay, put your feet on the ground, take one deep breath, slow breath in through your nose, hold for three seconds the next, how fully? And remind yourself I don't have to do it all right now. You're not trying to solve everything. You're just trying to bring your nervous system back to baseline so you can take the next step instead of trying to leap the whole staircase.
Speaker 2:Step two get out of the all or nothing thinking. This one was a huge, huge, huge thing for me. I am an all or nothing thinker. Naturally, it's just something. It's just the way my brain likes to go, and overwhelm thrives on the thought it all has to be done now or it will never get done. Okay, now you can dismantle overwhelm thrives on the thought it all has to be done now or it will never get done. Okay, now you can dismantle overwhelm by breaking it down to one doable thing. Not the next five things, just one. So, in grief, your one thing might be, you know, eat something healthy, maybe, take a shower, make one phone call, fold one load of laundry, and here's the thing. Doing one thing counts, it matters and it's progress. You don't have to do it all. Fold one load of laundry, and here's the thing. Doing one thing counts, it matters and it's progress. You don't have to do it all. Okay, now you need to tell yourself I can't do it all, but I can do one thing. And that simple shift takes you from paralysis to action.
Speaker 2:Okay, step three clean up your thinking. You might be thinking, but the problem is still huge. One task won't fix it, true, but the overwhelm isn't helping you. Okay, it's not helping you solve the problem. It's in fact keeping you stuck. So here's the thing. If the thought creating overwhelm is I'll never get through this, ask is that thought serving me? Is there a truer, more helpful thought I can choose? You might shift from I'll never get through this. I'm learning to take this one day at a time. Or I can't do this to I can do the next right thing. Okay, you can carry anything, just not all at once. That's not denial, it's strategy, okay.
Speaker 2:Step four give yourself permission to rest. This one is huge. The thing is, is grief already drains you and overwhelm makes it worse, and yet many survivors push through. Thinking rest is laziness, but your brain works better after rest. Rest is in avoiding life. It's refueling your body, refueling your ability to live it. So maybe your step today is taking a nap or walking outside or listening to something soothing. That's not wasting time, it's investing in your ability to take the next step later. Okay, all right. So bringing it all together. Let's recap Stop and breathe, slow your nervous system.
Speaker 2:Do one thing break the all at once. Cycle, clean up your thinking, choose thoughts that serve you and rest without guilt. Fuel yourself for the journey and when everything feels overwhelming after suicide, you are not weak. You are human carrying an extraordinary weight, and the way through it is not by climbing the whole mountain at once. It's by taking one small kind step at a time.
Speaker 2:Okay, you don't have to fix your grief, you don't have to have all the answers. You don't even have to feel okay right now. What you can do is give yourself permission to slow down, to be gentle with yourself and to take the small next step, because small steps, repeated, create movement, and movement, even when it's tiny, is what eventually leads to healing. And if you're feeling especially overwhelmed today, your thoughts are dark, please reach out to someone you trust, or call or text the Suicide Crisis Lifeline at 988 in the US. You're not alone in this. I'm proud of you for showing up for yourself today, even if listening to this was your one thing that matters. You matter Until next time. Take care of your heart and we'll talk to you soon. Thanks, bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to the Survived to Thrive podcast. If you like this podcast, please share with your friends and write a review on iTunes. Also check out survived-to-thrivecom for more information and to subscribe to get the podcast's latest episode, along with useful tips you can begin to use immediately to feel better, directly sent to your inbox.