growing pains

Growth is exciting... but no one talks about the lonely parts.

In this episode, I'm sharing the side of success that people don't always see: outgrowing friendships, feeling misunderstood, choosing your goals over social plans, learning to enjoy your own company, and even the unexpected guilt that can come with finally doing well in life.

I'll open up about going years with almost no close friends while I built my career, why people may think you've "changed" when you're simply evolving, and how I learned to stop explaining my ambition to people who didn't understand it.

If you've ever felt lonely while chasing your dreams, questioned whether you're becoming a different person, or struggled with the growing pains that come with building a life you're proud of, this episode is for you.

Because sometimes the hardest part of growth isn't the work—it's becoming comfortable with the person you're becoming.

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Loves, welcome back to the Veronica Ramos podcast. It's Veronica, your host. If you're new here, welcome. Thank you for stopping by. My name is Veronica. I have a podcast. I do this podcast. It's all about relationships, beauty, business, self-improvement, everything self-improvement. And it's just girl time every time, even though it's all serious topics, unserious. And yeah, I am from Washington State. I do real estate. I've been doing real estate for like almost 10 years. And I want to say who I am because I feel like we need credibility. I feel like I don't have an intro on my podcast yet, like, who is she? Why should I listen to her? And I have been doing real estate for 10 years. I have a small little real estate company. I've helped hundreds of families and I've been able to build a very successful real estate career, which I'm so grateful for. And I come from absolutely nothing. So yeah, that is who I am. In case you're wondering, like, why should I listen to her? What does she know? I was just thinking about like what can I talk about on my podcast? And I am just, I wrote down a list of things that like I would need help with, things that I struggled with, things that I'm going through. And so today's episode is all about growing pains, growing pains in all aspects of our life. I feel like when you are growing in life and you're trying to improve your life and you're trying to be better, there is so much growing pains in all aspects of your life. And so I just wanted to talk about that today. I don't know if it's ever happened to you guys, but when you are growing in life, you evolve, you become a different person. A lot of people or a lot of things change, and you even start questioning yourself and you start asking yourself, like, if it's like, am I different now? Like, am I changing? And so I'm just here to talk about that and what we go through when we're growing. That way you can learn some stuff that has helped me. Let me know any tips on your situations, your growing pains in the comments. I would love to hear from you, or even message me on Instagram, the podcast Instagram, or my personal Instagram as well, Veronica Realtor Veronica Ramos or Veronica Ramos Podcast on Instagram. But okay, so let's start with the first one that I think is probably the biggest one. And for me, it was relationships. When you are growing in life, your relationships start to change in so many ways, and so many different types of relationships. There's your relationship with your partner, there's your friends, there's your family, and just there's so much change with your friends, you start being so focused on work because you're trying to grow, you're trying to improve your life that you stop giving so much attention to people because your priorities are different, and so then people start to see that, right? With your friends, you stop calling them as often, you stop hanging out with them as often, like you only come around if it's a special occasion rather than like going like every day, but because you're trying to improve your life. With me, I remember with friends. I I pretty much had no friends for the first three to five years of starting my business, and it doesn't mean that you have to have started your business, but it could be anything, like if you're in college, like focused on your nursing career, if you're focused on you know your degree, like you might just be going out less and doing depending on your priorities, right? For me, was my priority was growing my business, and I didn't want to focus on relationships, and I think everybody is different, so I locked in for like three probably a good three years where I didn't talk to a lot of friends, I didn't make new friends, I felt like my friends probably felt that like, oh, she acts like she's so busy, like she can't make time for us. I just felt like I needed to make sure that my energy was going to the things that I wanted, and it it's like going out wasn't a priority for me. I wanted this thing more, and so yeah, I feel like with friendships, it definitely starts to change. I feel like it's really hard because to have a good friend, you need to be a good friend, right? And so I felt like in that time in my life, I just didn't have the energy to put so much into my friendships that I just decided that that is not something that I want to focus on right now. Do I regret it? Probably not, because I thankfully have my sister that I was able to still talk to all the time, and I didn't have to like try with her. So thankfully I had my sister, but I feel like when you're growing, you want to save your energy. And I'm not saying this is the right way to do it, right? I'm just telling you guys how it went for me. So for me, I felt like I needed to save my energy. Like when I wasn't working, I needed to save my energy to keep going because if I was overdoing it, then I would stop, I would get burnt out. You love your friends, right? And but they don't understand sometimes that that that is your priority now. So that was a growing pain for me. Where I felt like a little bit like side-eyed of like, why isn't she coming around so much? Why is she acting like that? And you slowly do start to lose that connection with friends, sadly. But thankfully, like three years in, I was able to prioritize. I had already done a little bit more of what I wanted, and now I feel like I can refocus on friendships and put more energy into them. Start growing and you start just trying to improve yourself. You slowly start outgrowing friends, and I feel like that is so okay, and so like you need to be okay with that. You cannot evolve if you feel like somebody doesn't align with you anymore, which it probably sounds bad, but in the most loving way, you have to look out for yourself, you have to like if you want to grow, you have to be uncomfortable. And sometimes that means outgrowing friends. If your friends are, you know, still stuck and they're just you know not improving their life, they have no motivation to improve their situation, or you feel like you no longer align with their morals or their stuff, then I think it is so okay to outgrow friends, even if it makes anyone uncomfortable. For me, it did happen, I think it naturally happened. Thankfully, it wasn't like I had to just cut someone off. I think just slowly um you start hanging out maybe with other people that you relate to, or you just slowly start distancing yourself from those people, but it is a growing pain because you feel bad, you feel like you're letting someone down, or you feel like it's your fault. But at the end of the day, you have to improve your life and look out for your family and for yourself and your interests, and so I think it is so okay to outgrow friends and to not want to hang out with maybe old friends, as bad as that sounds. I think it is definitely a growing pain for sure. I also feel that with friendships, a lot of people start to see you different. Like, once you start improving yourself, you kind of become a little bit of not a new person, but like your thoughts are different. And so then people start seeing you even though you did not change. Like in general, you're the same loving person, you're the same, like I can relate to this so much. Like, I am the same little girl that like lived in that apartment, like with no nothing, like that little girl that you know that I am. But people start seeing you different, they put a different perspective on you, they think that you might think that you're all that, or they they might see you a little bit more confident because now you learned more and now you know a little bit more, and they start seeing a different perspective on you, so then they start treating you different as well. Um, I think that is also a growing pain for me that people put a different perspective on who I am, like they think that I am like they only see the live now and they don't know like the rest of the stuff, right? So they put a perspective on you. So yeah, so that is another little growing pain. But for me, I think it's what helps me is I'm always reminded of like who I am. Um, I don't care, I'm very confident for sure. Like, I'm like, I'm gonna do whatever I want. If somebody sees a different perspective, like that's on them, they don't know me. Do you think that you need to be okay with people feeling a certain way with you when you're growing because you are becoming you are growing your mind. It doesn't mean that you're changing completely, but there's certain things that you're not gonna allow anymore, boundaries, things because you're growing, not just, and when I mean growing pains, I don't mean just like you know, financially. I could be growing pains mentally, growing pains, like evolving, growing pains like in so many different growing pains. I don't mean one in specific. Thing is, you're going to be misunderstood by so many people. People are going to be saying, Why is she so focused on work? Life is not all about work, life is not all about just growing and like you, she has to live a little, she needs to just live life a little bit more, and so people are going to misunderstand you when you're growing in your life, they're not gonna understand because they are comfortable where they are, and in the most loving way, like I never want to down anyone, but you know, people stay where they're at and don't like improve their life, like so many, so many people. It's only a very small amount of people that do improve their life, and then the rest of them they just will make you feel a certain way for wanting a better life, for wanting to improve. They'll be like, Does she not know the meaning of life? Like, life is not all about um work and you know and growing. And I am the type of person that I'm very conscious that material things are not as important. Like for me, I think I'm at an age now that I understand. Maybe there was an age where I didn't understand the meaning, you know, of life, and all I wanted was just like to grow, grow, grow in my life and in business. But now I'm at a place where I know how important like life is in general with like family, friends, relationships, like it is so meaningful more than when I was younger, and I understand the value of comes from like I understand that money isn't everything, and I understand that material things are not everything, but I still want to improve my life, but I am very aware that it's not all about that, it's about your family loving, enjoying life with your loved ones and friends. But I think that for me personally, there's a there's a both, right? Like I am very aware that this is what I want, but I'm also very aware that much, you know, that I love my family and I love quality time with them and stuff like that. Like I'm doing both. Um, I'm not just focusing like just on work, but people at the beginning, when you're building something, when you're trying to improve, I feel like it's almost impossible for you to be in the world full time enjoying both life and trying to grow. Like there's a time in your life where you're just focused and you have to go through that time, in my opinion. So just be okay with people misunderstanding you and feeling like you're gonna get out of that season in your life where you're not working like crazy. But I almost feel like it's almost impossible to not go through that stage in life for a few years, and in those few years, that's where people will misunderstand you and they'll they'll make you feel like you're doing something wrong, and like you're you know, like you're too ambitious, that you're too much because you're focused on growing, right? So I thankfully didn't care, I didn't care about anybody's opinion. I would not show up to certain things in my life around that time, and unless it was like really obviously important, but I like little barbecues with the family here and there, like I was not able to go because I was so focused on my career and felt FOMO of like missing out, but and I did feel that you know, in that moment, like maybe they're saying, like, oh my gosh, she thinks she's all that, but I didn't care, I just kept going, kept going, and now I have built a business where I can go anywhere, do anything, and my business is running, right? And like I don't have to put I don't have to not go to that stuff anymore, but because I locked in for a few years and built systems and build things to be able to have the life that I have now. There's a season those years that I'm telling you guys that you feel a little bit lonely, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I learned to like love my alone time. I love, I think it's okay to feel lonely if you're doing something that you're passionate about, right? But what I'm telling you is that you will have that pain of feeling a little bit lonely because you're kind of excluded while you're growing and you're focused, and it could feel a little bit lonely. You're just so focused on your life and on the stuff, you're in your own bubble. And for me, what really helped me thankfully, I love like my alone time, and I did end up falling in love, like those lonely times where my family was with like because my husband would still go, right? But even those times where my family was hanging out and I was at home, yes, like it felt lonely, but it brought me so much like time with myself to think like when you're growing, you need to allow yourself to think with no noise in the background, like you want to be able to listen to your thoughts, your ideas, and you can only do that so much when you're running around running the business or doing the stuff, going to school, like you need that alone time, and it can get lonely because you know you're by yourself, and but I was very good at like what I would do to help me was I would romanticize my life that way. Like, I would go get myself a little coffee or like make myself a matcha, put on a cute set, or like buy cute journals, buy cute laptop cases, like so many things that would make me feel better, you know, being by myself, and I fell in love with being alone for sure. Like, I just feel like you're able to build so much, you're able to think so much. You are going to go through that when you're growing in life and when you're trying to just be focused, have something good for yourself. Lastly, is feeling guilty. You feel guilty in so many ways, like even just going to the store and being able to buy something without having to look at the price, especially when you grew up a certain way and you know that there's people out there that are still living like that, feel guilty for even like having your like even being able to pay your own, you know, mortgage or your own rent or whatever is it is, you start feeling guilty and you feel sad because you know you are able to help people around you for sure, but it's not like you can fully change their life in that moment, right? At least that's not where I'm at, where I can just completely change their whole life. Try to like do something, and then you're like, wait, but like I could help my mom, or wait, I could do this instead. And it's like a never-ending game with yourself when you start having a little bit of success or financial freedom, the guilt to that you have with your family and your life of like, yes, I want to go on this trip, but then you're like, wait, but like my mom needs help, you know, or my Tia is not doing good, or you know, my you know, whatever it is, you start feeling really guilty and you almost feel like this responsibility without even saying it of like you need to help your people, right? And it's hard because you need to have boundaries with that, like you know, people have to want you to help them in order for you to help people, like you can't just hand stuff to people because they will take advantage of you, and so I think it's it's definitely a challenge in life that you have, and it I don't think that it goes away. I did to overcome that is I give myself a limit and what I'm comfortable with and what I want to give, and then just stick to that, but yeah, that is the growing pains that I've had. I'm sure that if you're growing, you probably can relate to this. Yeah, I hope you enjoyed today's episode, and I will talk to you next week.