Unmasking Greatness
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Unmasking Greatness
Breaking the Cycles: Healing Generational Trauma
Raw, vulnerable, and ultimately uplifting, this episode emerges from the deepest kind of personal transformation. After losing my father to stage four lung cancer, I share how this profound experience has reshaped my understanding of family legacy, personal growth, and breaking generational cycles.
I explore the fascinating perspective that our souls actively choose our parents because between them lies something essential for us to learn. By viewing our challenging upbringings as opportunities to heal what our parents couldn't, we gain the power to break trauma cycles and create healthier patterns for future generations. My father, a Greek immigrant who showed love primarily through financial provision while working seven days a week in restaurants, taught me what I wanted to do differently in my own fatherhood journey.
This reflection has crystallized three critical life lessons: First, showing love through presence rather than just provision. I've intentionally designed a lifestyle allowing me to be physically present for my son's activities—something my father rarely could do. Second, creating a healthy environment by modeling the behaviors you wish to see in others. You can't effectively encourage habits you don't practice yourself. And third, committing to continuous personal development. Through mentors, books, podcasts, and dedicated practice, I've invested in becoming better physically, mentally, and emotionally.
The people surrounding us either elevate our standards or diminish them. While death remains our only certainty, we have tremendous control over how we live and the legacy we create. As you listen to this episode, I challenge you to examine your own patterns, prioritize what truly matters, and consciously build the life and relationships that reflect your highest values.
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Welcome to Unmasking Greatness. I'm your host, chris Kikoris, a lifestyle fitness coach and mentor. This podcast is about unmasking your greatest potential, finding your purpose and crafting a life worth living. Health and fitness has been the gateway drug to all of my success. My continuous drive to keep learning and surround myself with other high achievers forces me to level up, which has developed my mind to something I never thought was possible. This podcast is here to share what I've learned and continue to learn with all of you. This is your sign to take back control of your health, mindset and personal environment. Strap in as we are recharged and always find value in the show. Please subscribe and share, as we can all get better together. Let's go. What's up, guys? Welcome to another episode of Unmasking Greatness. I'm your host, chris Kikoris. Hope you're having a blessed Monday.
Speaker 1:If you are a loyal listener, you probably have noticed that I did not post a episode last week. Funny enough, I actually did record one and I'm glad I didn't post it, and I'm going to kind of explain a little bit why and what's going on. So let's kind of back up a little bit. We'll just kind of back up two weeks from now. If you guys have been listening.
Speaker 1:You guys know that my father has been very sick with, you know, multiple issues, but more specifically recently, in the past eight months, he's had stage four lung cancer. So you know I have been taking him to do his chemo treatments and you know handling that as much as I can to help with my mom and the family in general. And so you know he went through his chemo and then most recently he had fluid in his lungs that they had to pull out. And even more recently, when I recorded that previous podcast the same day I had the whole studio set up. Five minutes prior, my mom calls me and tells me that she had talked to the doctor. And tells me that she had talked to the doctor and, with my father's health declining essentially, the doctor said that there was nothing left to do. There was there's nothing else that they could do Chemo, another round of chemo would pretty much end it for him right there, and so their next solution was basically starting to talk about hospice care. Their next solution was basically starting to talk about hospice care, and that was a pretty heavy hit, as you can know, even though we know this was coming. It doesn't really make it easier to hear things like that. So I did record a podcast, still after collecting myself, after that conversation, conversation, and I didn't post it Because in between that time, which was a Thursday, and all the way leading up into the next couple of days, things started to get worse and worse and my father did pass.
Speaker 1:So you know, during that time that weekend he was, you know, obviously still alive. One of the things I had planned over the weekend was to go do a 10k run, which was in Charleston, the Cooper River Bridge run. The beginning of the year. Me, my son, my wife and some of my other family we wanted to do a 5k, which was like running into the new year kind of deal. It's local, and my son came with me and it was fun, he enjoyed it and you know it was an accomplishment for him. And so we started talking about this 10k and my son's like I want to do this 10k. And I was like, listen, son, just so you know, it is twice as long as what we did the first time. All right, so I just just want you to know, and he's adamant about wanting to do it.
Speaker 1:So you know, prior to that Saturday, I uh I did go see, uh, my father, friday and Saturday, before we had left, and you know he was I don't want to say okay, the best he could be. He was still, uh, able to talk, um, and we could still have a conversation. But you know, I told him we're going to do this run and we'll be back. So we only went for a day, we only did, went down there to do the run. It was great, it was fun, that was a whole thing in itself. My son is a trooper, you know, because if you've ever done the Cooper River Bridge run, you're talking over 40,000 people that go to this run. It's tons, tons of people and they separate you guys into waves based on how fast you're going to run.
Speaker 1:So we were kind of in one of the last waves because we knew that we weren't going to run the whole thing, of course. So, especially with my son Nor do I know if I could even run a full 10K at this point in time but we got there. He was excited, he was pumped, but during the phases where they're, you know, sending off each wave, it was like they would send, you know, wave a and you would move up a little bit, have to wait, then the next wave, wait a little bit. And during that time I think that hype was lost and my son basically started complaining. It was like I don't want to do this, I don't want this. And he was really upset. My wife was like you wanted to do this. We came here, we can't leave. Now we are in this, so we're doing it. And so he's upset, he's crying, he's like I don't want to.
Speaker 1:I could just see the energy and the mood dropping and I was like oh my gosh. No, I was like this is not a, this is not a little run that we have to get through. We gotta, we gotta get him back into a good, positive energy. And so I kind of got down on one knee and I talked to him like a grown really, I was like listen, son. I was like do you know why? Your father is not a normal individual? I don't look normal, I don't act normal, and again, not. Everybody's normality is a little bit different. But I was like do you know why? And he's looking at me, he's like why? And I was like because I do hard shit every single day, I put myself in hard positions every single day because this builds my strength to overcome anything. And right now, today is hard. It is going to be hard for you, it's going to be hard for me and I'm going to stick right by your side the whole entire time and we're going to do this.
Speaker 1:And he kind of just looked at me and didn't say anything. So we kind of started going and he was still upset that my words of affirmation didn't work immediately. So, but he's a kid and so I was like I gotta, I gotta make this fun, I gotta find a way to make this fun. So I told him I was like son, I was like look at all these people behind us. And he's looking back. And I was like the zombies are coming and they're going to get eaten. And I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm not trying to get eaten. Nobody's chewing off my arms and legs. And he kind of was like little giggle and I was like we got to go now. And I picked him up and put them on my shoulders and took off running like full blown sprint for at least three, four blocks and he thought it was the funniest thing ever, just like laughing his butt off. And finally I had to put him down and I was like all right, you got it. You got to start doing your your part too. So, and after that, he was fine and he was adamant about, you know, not getting on my shoulders. He wanted to, like, you know, a little jog, a little walk, and we ended up doing it and it was, it was awesome, it was a really cool experience and I like doing that kind of stuff with, you know, my wife and my son, of course, any other family members with us, and friends. So, you know, we spent the day there and we came back.
Speaker 1:When we came back, that's when the decline got very quick with my father, and so we had family start to, you know, come in and, you know, be at the house. We are doing in-home hospice, so there's nurses there. I'm with my mom and my brother trying to, you know, go to the funeral homes and get all of that organized, because, you know, hospice was like he has maybe a couple of days or a week, we don't know, and so eventually we got to a point where I could tell it was just like he wasn't talking, his breathing was getting really bad, a point where I could tell it was just like he wasn't talking, his breathing was getting really bad. Um, we was at the funeral home setting everything up, you know, picking out caskets, which is, you know, difficult for anybody. And, um, when we got back, that's when, um, I was shocked, just in his condition, the way he was breathing. I mean he was, you know, they got him on morphine and Ativan just to kind of keep them relaxed. If you guys know anything or have had family in the past that has gone through that, it's pretty hard to see. And, um, you know the uh, the nurse was like, hey, listen, um, you know it's, it's kind of he could be like this for the next couple of days. I was like there's no way he's making it through the night. I just knew I was like there's no way. And, um, and I was right, I was right, he, um, he didn't make it another hour, uh, after we got back and uh, so I don't want to make this episode all about that.
Speaker 1:My thing for you guys is, through this process, I have reflected massively in the past week um, life and you know how I came to be where I'm at, and that's what I want to share with you guys. I kind of put together three of my top things that I've been reflecting on and that I've learned, and I hope this can, you know, maybe inspire some of you, Maybe some of you guys can resonate if you've had people pass and if not, this is just something to take in consideration. So let me just kind of get into it. The first one's going to be a little deep, so just bear with me with this one, because I actually used to always say I never got to choose my parents. You know, I never chose to be with my parents. You know I chose to pick my wife. I chose to have a child, but I never chose.
Speaker 1:And my wife sent me this video on Instagram of this guy basically saying the complete opposite of choosing, watched it and I was like, whatever you believe, it was a very interesting and cool topic. So in the video there's this guy explaining that your soul chose your parents, it chose your friends and it chose your environment, and it talks about that. Your soul is incarnated and you get to choose your mother and father because between them there is something to learn. So we're choosing because there's something bigger, there's something more coming from it, and your soul choose to go through all the trauma, all the heartbreak, all the fears that came from your upbringing. We chose that which sounds crazy, right, and we chose to go through all of those so we could heal and break the trauma cycles that your parents have gone through. And even on a deeper level, we chose our parents to heal what they couldn't and be able to break all the previous pain so that, moving forward, you don't carry those to your future generations. And by choosing your parents, you broke the generational cycles of trauma, you evolve your consciousness and you help the world's frequency rise.
Speaker 1:And I was just like I keep like listening to that because, as my father passed, I've had more conversations with my mom. And you know, as parents, there's no rule book, there's no way to like teach, you know how to raise kids, but we always try to do a little better than our parents did, and of course, of course, the world changes as well, but we just we do the best that we can. And that's something that I expressed to my mom too, because she sometimes thinks that she didn't do a good job. And I was like, well, I beg to differ, because both your sons are here with you right now. And she's like, well, yeah, you're right. And so you know, by choosing this and again me kind of listening to that, it starts to make a lot of sense.
Speaker 1:In that aspect of the second thing that I really started reflecting on is like what am I doing differently and what could possibly you do differently to break some of that trauma that you have in your current lifestyle and so, or possibly from you know previous decades that you've been raised in, and so one of them is just how I show my love. You know, I'm 30. I just turned 38. Crazy enough, my father passed on the 7th, my birthday was on the 8th and my 7th year anniversary with my wife was on the 10th. So April will forever be remembered in my mind.
Speaker 1:But with that being said, being 38, if you're probably in your 30s, this is very common that your parents worked hard, especially if you have an immigrant parent that came from another country. They're trying to build themselves up and they don't know much, on top of trying to learn a new language, and that was my father. He came from Greece. He came here when he was 16, 17 years old and restaurants was most Greeks do the restaurant deal, and so that's what he did. But as I was a child and you know, growing up, my father was not around, a ton Um and and in his defense, he was working, he was providing, he was trying to make sure we had a good life, we weren't struggling. And so with the restaurant business it's tough. He always had diner style, which means breakfast, lunch, dinner seven days a week, and so taking time off, being able to come to soccer games, school events, all of that I don't think he ever did, and so there wasn't a lot of that.
Speaker 1:And so when I think about myself and me having a child now and my son is seven years old, I don't want to show my love just on paying bills and financially and supporting them. I want to make sure that I'm present because I do think that has impacted me in my life, that I wish I would have had a better relationship with him and not to say I didn't have a good relationship. It just kind of built over, built. We got closer over the past couple years, but again, I'm 38 years old, you know. So all in my you know, infant to teens and all of that, he just wasn't really around present. And so I just want to change that. I show up to my son's swim lessons. I show up to everything that he has at school.
Speaker 1:I have created a lifestyle to give me a little bit of freedom with my time, and so I'm able to do those things. And even if I didn't have the time, I still would find a way to prioritize being present every single day with them, and so that is something that is hard ingrained in me again from my past and my upbringing. And so prioritizing my time is so crucial, and it is one of the most valuable things that we have. I think you know if, if you don't pay attention to what you're doing day to day, if you're not planning, if you're not preparing, this is a problem. You know I can look at somebody's calendar and tell you what's important to them, and so if you look at my calendar, at any given time I designate time, I block off time to be with my family, and so we, we prioritize and we make time for what's important, and so I do that for my family, I do that for my health, I do that for working out, I do that for everything that's going to make me a better person. So also with that, I create a healthy environment by being an example and a leader. You cannot tell somebody to do something. You cannot show somebody to do, something you're not doing. It makes you look like a hypocrite, and a lot of people don't know this.
Speaker 1:Back when I was in high school I'd say probably four or five years I smoked, and not a little bit, I mean, I was smoking almost. I got to a point where I was doing almost a pack of cigarettes a day. My father was a smoker too, and he used to tell me to quit. He used to tell me to stop, and he'd be smoking a cigarette while he's telling me. Now. How serious do you think I took that? Not very right, and so eventually I quit on my own conditions and my own terms, due for other reasons. But my father eventually, over time, he ended up quitting too, but you know the damage was done at that point in time with his lungs.
Speaker 1:But again, I want to be a good leader. I want to be a good example. I want to be that superhero parent. I want to make sure that I'm a good leader for my team of coaches, a good leader for all my clients Like I want to make sure that I am showing up and I'm doing my part and being an example, and so I want to set the standard for those that are around me, creating an environment. Because ultimately, you know, studies show that, depending on who you surround yourself with, you will either rise to their expectations or you will start to diminish to the expectations that they have, meaning that if someone is talking down to you saying you're never going to be anything, that you can't do anything, you will slowly start to scale back. But if you're people that are around you that encourage you, that promote health, that wants to see you win, you will start to rise to those expectations. This is facts. So who you surround yourself with is also a massive point. To make sure that you're going to be who you surround yourself with is also a massive, massive point to make sure that you're going to be who you want to be.
Speaker 1:So, and lastly, you know, over the last five years, you know, I have been doing heavy personal development work on myself and, by result, I have been able to serve others at a higher level. And what do I mean by like that? What do I mean by high, heavy personal development work? Well, when I ventured off into starting my business and learning and trying to figure things out, I started with, you know, watching mentors on YouTube. This is a free you know free avenue for you, which is also why I want to get into YouTube, because it's helped me massively Podcast, reading books, listening to audio books, hiring, mentorship All of these things I started to invest into. Some are free, some are paid, but either way, I wanted to make sure that I constantly worked on myself. You know I was already doing, you know, the health, the fitness, the working out, the nutrition. But how could I develop my mindset to be relentless? Because if there was one word I could designate to my father, it was relentless.
Speaker 1:This man, I've seen him get knocked down and build himself back up multiple times, where a lot of people would just crumble and start living under a bridge, and so I have a ton of respect for him in that aspect. But through this I've been able to see how I can serve others at a higher level. And you know, one of the conversations that I had was actually talking to my brother and I told him you know, this past week I was like listen, I know I have not been the best brother in the world. You know, we're not even a year apart, about 11 months apart. And I told him I said I know I haven't been the best brother, I haven't always been there for you, we don't talk a ton, but I was also trying to figure myself out, I was trying to find my way, um, and so not to be an excuse, but I told him I was like I'm still trying to do that and but I am in a better place and I want you to know that, like I'm here for you, I want to have a better relationship with you, I want to talk to you more, and so it was just a really cool conversation to have with him at that point in time, and I do, I hope I mean it's going to take some effort on both ends, but I hope that I can be a better brother now that I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm a better, a better person, right, and I've worked on myself and same thing from being a better husband, a better father. You know I've watched my father, the way that he would interact with my mother and interact with us, and I was not to say it was horrible, but it could definitely be a lot better, and so I don't have to use that as a standard. I can look at that and say I like these things that he did. I don't like these things that he did. So let's change that, let's change that, let's be better, because it would be a disservice to myself to just settle and repeat that cycle. And that goes on to like friends and clients Like how can I show up better? Well, I got to start with me. I got to start with becoming better at a higher level because I want them to rise to me. And then I'm around people that I want to rise to and their expectations.
Speaker 1:It's a constant cycle of just working on yourself and I feel like personal development should be a never-ending journey. You should never be satisfied with where you're at, and there's a big difference between content and satisfied and just not giving a shit. You know, I see a lot of people that just don't care. They don't care about nothing, and that is not somebody I want to be around. If you're content, it's not a bad thing. That means that you need to find someone else to put in your circle that is going to help you rise. That's all that means, because at some point you will rise and your circle? You may be higher, you might be the highest person in your circle, which is great. But now how do you level up? Find somebody. Find somebody and that could be really like.
Speaker 1:For me, it was mentorship. It was mentorship. So I say all this to you guys you have more control over your life than you know, and you also have the power to make massive impact on those that you love around you. Don't do yourself a disservice, as those around you need you to be able to support them and create a life worth living. All right, so I love you guys. I hope you have the best week of your life.
Speaker 1:I did not want this to be, you know anything, sad or mopey or whatever. There's one thing we're all guaranteed in life, and that is that we will move on, but we are just vessels. Our souls will go on. Whatever you believe on, this is not the end, and as long as you are on this world, this earth, and you are breathing in your temple, take care of it and just leave a thumbprint on the world. You're not trying. If you want to leave a legacy, do that. You know that's fine. If you want to make a massive impact, do that, but for me, I want to leave my thumbprint and make sure that I'm breaking any previous traumas and setting up my family to be better off than I am All right. So love you guys. I'll see you on the next episode, peace.