Ever find yourself on a date night at the grocery store due to lack of planning? That's exactly the predicament we found ourselves in but hey, it turned out to be an unexpected blast and any quality time is good quality time, right?
We are fashionably late to the Kelce - Swift intrigue, talk fantasy football championship games, and dive in lessons and things we thought would be vital as adults, but as it turns out, not so much. Greg's reads of the week brings us a great potpourri of topics ranging from male loneliness to high speed trains.
- Male loneliness epidemic: How fathers face a friendship deficit | CNN
- Reese Witherspoon Says Why It's Important To 'Edit Your Friendships'
- Potential plans underway for high-speed trains across the U.S.
Voicemails this week touch on the delicate balance of living for the present and planning for the future, the struggles of new parents and postpartum irritability, and the importance of open communication. So, join us as we break down life, one amusing topic at a time!
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Ever find yourself on a date night at the grocery store due to lack of planning? That's exactly the predicament we found ourselves in but hey, it turned out to be an unexpected blast and any quality time is good quality time, right?
We are fashionably late to the Kelce - Swift intrigue, talk fantasy football championship games, and dive in lessons and things we thought would be vital as adults, but as it turns out, not so much. Greg's reads of the week brings us a great potpourri of topics ranging from male loneliness to high speed trains.
- Male loneliness epidemic: How fathers face a friendship deficit | CNN
- Reese Witherspoon Says Why It's Important To 'Edit Your Friendships'
- Potential plans underway for high-speed trains across the U.S.
Voicemails this week touch on the delicate balance of living for the present and planning for the future, the struggles of new parents and postpartum irritability, and the importance of open communication. So, join us as we break down life, one amusing topic at a time!
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overbys. I'm Jo.
Matt:And I'm Matt.
Jo:And each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voice mails, go in-depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Matt:With that being said, let's get to oversharing Date night. That is how you ended a TikTok this week, where we went on a date night with to the grocery store, basically.
Jo:Yeah, I mean that wasn't the whole night, but that's how we ended it. We had grander plans.
Matt:Well, we didn't really have any plans.
Jo:I had grander thoughts.
Matt:I was going to say. The idea was that it was going to be grander.
Jo:Yeah, well, we executed below expectation, I think I'd like to give us a little bit of what word am I looking for? A justification, because here's the deal. We're going on a really exciting date night tonight, Like we had a babysitter plan for two nights in a row.
Matt:Yeah, it almost felt. Well, it's almost too much yeah. Like we don't have that many things to do.
Jo:Exactly, and tonight is like a big date night. My best friend's business is launching, her pre-order's going out. She's like planned this really extravagant party and she's worked so hard for so long and I'm like ready to go and celebrate with her. I'm so excited. And so when we kind of stumbled into having an extra night with a babysitter, I didn't have any plans made.
Matt:I also did not.
Jo:So we got fast food and we went to the grocery store.
Matt:And we went to a bar and had one drink.
Jo:Yeah, and the bar was fancy.
Matt:Yeah, we went to a fancy bar. We sat there for like 30 minutes. It was nice and we left. Yeah, it was a nice moment.
Jo:Yeah, I enjoyed myself. We had plans to meet up with a friend, but then they had plans.
Matt:But she bailed.
Jo:She bailed on us. No, stuff came up. It was last minute, but yeah anyway.
Matt:Yeah, we invited her after we got out and realized we had no plans.
Jo:Date night becomes less and less. It's not about what you do, it's about spending time together.
Matt:Yeah, it's the journey.
Jo:And we did. We spent time together.
Matt:We did, we definitely did.
Jo:It was great, yeah, I enjoyed myself.
Matt:That was fun.
Jo:What else has been going on this week? Let's give them the rundown, oh man.
Matt:I'm just going full blown.
Jo:Stay at home, dad.
Matt:Yeah, stay at home dadding, Dadding so hard. Yeah, it's been going pretty good, but you never know, I think the additional pressure of not having child care, child care Child, care Child care has. But you don't want to plan on the pressure because you can. Either it either kicks things into gear with the old ADHD or you crumble and absolutely implode, and it's really no way of knowing until it happens.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:So it's not a gamble you want to take on child care.
Jo:You know what I found interesting recently.
Matt:What.
Jo:A lot of people have been in my comment sections saying that I sound like I have ADHD.
Matt:Just because you do your voiceovers and then like clip everything together tight.
Jo:Right.
Matt:Well, it's made me realize that people's idea of what ADHD is versus what ADHD actually is maybe don't align that well Well and again, since I don't have an inner monologue, I think there are people that have that much like shifting focus and it's an actual dialogue in their head, yeah, whereas for me, without one, I have that kind of chaos, but it's not in any way vocalized.
Jo:I'm reading a book right now that is about the. It's a little smutty little romance book and the male character has ADHD and that's his main story development and his main character development is regarding his ADHD and how his parents didn't like adequately help him growing up, so he had to kind of find his own coping mechanisms.
Speaker 4:It's a smut book Okay.
Jo:He's like the male character and then the woman character is a engineer, entrepreneur, starting her own business.
Matt:Billionaire no. No no one's a billionaire, no billionaires.
Jo:It's a quarantine book. Oh so it takes place like right, as the world shuts down for COVID 2020.
Matt:Got it yeah.
Jo:Okay. Anyway, it's not like I don't think it's a popular, but as I've been reading it, it's been really interesting because so many of the pieces of the puzzle remind me of exactly what not the you know.
Matt:Just the smut part, not the ADHD. All this much just makes me think of you.
Jo:No, the ADHD part makes me think of you.
Matt:Got it. Yeah, not the smut part, both. Oh okay, all of it Great. I think of you throughout the entire reading experience. Ah, okay, yeah, Weird.
Jo:I've had another book that really reminded me of you. It's the second one that I've read that really reminded me of you, and not Smut or just a regular book.
Matt:They somewhere in between.
Jo:The other book was a romance also, okay, but it wasn't like like. The one that I'm reading right now is the kind of book that I feel like they wrote the smut first and then like, still, we want it together.
Matt:You have described that this may be, yeah, that it has similar plot points to like a porno, where they're like, these are the scenes that matter, and we're going to have to tie these all together.
Jo:This one has pretty good plot that I'm reading.
Matt:Okay.
Jo:But the other one that reminded me of you. The book was like it had a scene in it, Like it wasn't a heavy smut.
Matt:The book culminated in a smutty scene.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Okay, got it.
Jo:I don't know. I've been really thinking about the genre so I hadn't read a lot of romance. I've always been a big reader, but I hadn't read a lot of romance until recently. I'd read a lot of like. I did a lot of thrillers, a lot of historical fiction, a lot of fantasy, a lot of fantasy but it was always YA. Yeah, I didn't read a lot of like there were romantic elements and like a lot of times there were relationships, but it was not adult fantasy, it was all YA, which is just different, yeah. And so then when I read SJ Moss that was my first time being introduced to like adult romance I was like there's a whole genre of books out here that I didn't know about.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jo:And anyway. So I've gone down a deep, deep hole of like, wow, this is. I've read some things this year that I'm like what is happening?
Matt:Yeah. I feel, like it's probably pretty clear what's happening, but it's more disorienting.
Jo:I don't agree with that. I like what I mean by what is happening. I don't mean what is happening in the book, I mean I. So I had to make an entire separate TikTok account just to watch book talk.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:Because I had been watching book talk content from my personal TikTok and it just took over my feed. I wasn't seeing anything else, and so I and I enjoy the book talk content, but I want it to be when I want to watch book content.
Matt:That makes sense.
Jo:So I just made a whole separate account and I only engage with book content over there. It is a beautifully curated feed of just talking to me about book reviews and I I love it. It's a warm, little cozy spot.
Matt:Hot dudes from books.
Jo:Yeah, but now I can get on my personal account and still like watch standup or podcast clips or be introduced to like inspirational things or parenting things. It's not just all fantasy book content.
Matt:Yeah, are you as concerned as I am that neither one of us is off the wall enough to really have a truly great podcast? Because I've been getting a lot of podcast clips and I don't know if we're random enough. There's some pretty hilarious but out there.
Jo:So Matt and I have been sending a lot of podcast clips back and forth to each other recently because obviously in order to market a podcast, you have to post podcast clips in the modern day makeup and we've been posting a few more. There are a couple, a couple clips we posted have done okay, but Matt and I like the funny podcast clips and I. I agree, but here's the issue. Okay, I think this is the root of our issue.
Matt:Okay.
Jo:All good podcasts at some fundamental level are made up of someone who is witty and someone that is a dumb dumb.
Matt:Dumb, dumb Cool.
Jo:And I feel like the dynamic. I don't think we're struggling with that. I think, we have that dynamic. You know, like Simpleton and very witty. You know we have that dynamic going, but where we are a little bit off is that you're letting dumb, dumb lead.
Matt:The dumb dumb's asking questions.
Jo:Yeah, dumb dumb, shouldn't ask questions. I'm not never, but for the podcast clips. Like you really.
Matt:Well, you have to ask like a really dumb question.
Jo:Yeah, but then when I ask a really dumb question, you're too kind.
Matt:Got it Okay, you know, go your neck.
Jo:Yeah, like you're.
Matt:I need to really.
Jo:I don't really want you to go for my neck. I like how you're really gentle with me and explain things to me Like I'm not a dumb dumb. Yeah well, you're not actually a dumb dumb, but no, and you know I I don't even feel insulted by calling myself a dumb dumb. I don't, I don't mind it.
Matt:Okay, I think you feel like it's not an insult to say dumb, because I would not be using it around. I.
Jo:Feel the same way About dumb as I feel about the word big when it comes to describing myself.
Matt:Yeah, I don't, don't go using dumb with other people. It's not gonna fly. People are going to feel insulted.
Jo:Well, I don't use either of those words when I talk about other people.
Matt:See, I think big you can get away with, if you, I don't know I don't think so, because when I call myself big like I am, not men big.
Jo:Oh, I guess that's true.
Matt:Yeah, okay, I take it boys.
Jo:You're right, big boy, I.
Matt:Don't know. I don't know that you need to use the voice, but you can, it's an option.
Jo:That's, I call our a big boy.
Matt:You do.
Jo:He's a big boy.
Matt:Yeah, you're starting to sound like you're gonna talk to them like they're a child. That that has a different set of issues. But you can call a man big Again with the right context. I saw this you shouldn't call them dumb, unless you're really trying to go at them.
Jo:I watched a fantastic clip on tiktok, so I don't know if everybody's still on Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift talk, but I am, and I Saw this fantastic clip that was talking about how Taylor Swift is like 511 or she's all. Which I relate to. I am tall girl. I'm only 5'9, but I don't know what it is. I think I'm 5'9, but I'm not the skinny 5'9 like the jack not the right word.
Jo:No, I'm not the. No yeah, the narrow 5'9. You know how? You know taller girls who are really slender, who just look even taller because they're just all limbs. I'm not that, and so I've always just felt large and my entire Dream in life is to just feel like a little girl.
Matt:You want to feel small.
Jo:Yeah, I want to feel like a little girl. Yeah, and I saw this fantastic tiktok talking about how, how wonderful it must be that Taylor now gets to feel like small girl.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:Yeah, and I loved it. I was like I relate to that so deeply.
Matt:Yeah, maybe it'll work.
Jo:Yeah, it's not just a PR stunt. Yeah, maybe I feel like I've really hurt your feelings over the years, making you feel like you're not big boy.
Matt:I'm not that concerned about it. I do think it's funny that you don't think I'm tall.
Jo:I think it's just because of how big like you. Don't make me feel small and that's my qualification.
Matt:Yeah, tall, for you starts at like six four.
Jo:Yeah. But I'm not six well, and I just had a lot of tall people surrounding me growing up.
Matt:Yeah, you were on a lot of swimmers so and a lot of just a tall group a lot of tall men and women.
Jo:Yeah, like all my girlfriends are, for the most part most my bachelor at trip five years ago or whatever, was the first time that I realized most of my friends are over five, eight. Not all. I have a couple friends, but for the most part, and that's why people always think I'm short.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:I'm always around the tall girls.
Matt:It's true.
Jo:Anyway, yeah, I think that you need to ask me more off the wall things. I've been actually keeping a list on my phone, okay, of things that I bring up to you, that you then Explain to me that make me laugh. Okay, I felt I should bring up on the podcast at some point. So if you ever want to get into that, work, I mean store organically. Sure, I'll work on that.
Matt:Oh, okay, I don't.
Jo:I'm not good at organically bringing things in. I'm more of a hey, I had this exact thought, and let me just completely annihilate the mystery.
Matt:Oh, okay, you know. Yeah, you just gonna pull up your phone and like read it. Yeah that works. Okay, it works.
Jo:The top thing on the list. I don't even have to look at the list of the truth, bluetooth.
Matt:What about it?
Jo:well, I Just really. Have you ever seen Willy Wonka like the original? Willy wonk like four people in a bed with, yeah, with the Jean Wilder, is that right?
Matt:You got it, that is name.
Jo:You know how, when they make the little cowboy boy into it, a little tiny version of himself, because they're making the chocolate bar small and all the particles like they see him in the air. Yeah that's how Bluetooth works in my head.
Matt:Okay, yeah, I mean, there's waves, there's waves out there.
Jo:Yeah, but I think that they're taking my image. They're like Deconstructing it into a bunch of little things and then they're sailing through the waves and then getting Loaded onto the other device and being all put back together, but really fast, because it's a computer.
Matt:Yeah, I don't know that that's that far off. If you're looking for me to actually explain Bluetooth to you, I don't, I don't really know, isn't? Wild. I know it's like waves, but I don't really know how stuff.
Jo:What do you mean by waves Just?
Matt:I don't know. I try not to think about it too much right. Yeah.
Jo:Anyway, I wrote that down on my list.
Matt:Yeah, I mean I think you have about as good of an understanding as I do, so I don't know if I can go your neck at that one.
Jo:Okay, how's fantasy baseball? Oh.
Matt:Oh, I think we're neck and neck. I'm winning. I'm up by 20 points, two days left. Am I not embarrassed myself?
Jo:I don't want you to win, I want to win.
Matt:Yeah, second place not too bad.
Jo:Yeah, you're right. I feel that okay, I'll take it fantasy sports queen. I Am not doing well in fantasy football this year.
Matt:I Don't want to hear it. I'm on three.
Jo:Okay, I'm, I'm wanting to and I kicked, but when I won, you did but I got my butt handed to me when I lost. There is no in between going on for my team right now.
Matt:I I doubled the amount of.
Jo:Kelsey, which is like the hottest commodity of Everything right now for clout, but it's not really working in points in fantasy football.
Matt:Yeah, it's really. Maybe it'll catch up.
Jo:Hopefully maybe he'll get a little boost hasn't been really having that big a game.
Matt:See, there, I did see a humorous tic-tac about concerns around the length of Taylor's relationships, usually Falling somewhere in like week nine, week ten. Yeah and it possibly having some effects on on the performance of Kelsey. So I thought that was pretty funny I may have to try and move in in a trade.
Jo:See, in my opinion, I think that that is going to backfire because, from what I know, Okay about the Kelsey family being I'm a pretty big Football girl, or have become, I think, in the last decade, and we're like, I've listened. It's weird because I've been listening to their podcast since it came out last year, because the tic-tac clip pulled me in, okay.
Matt:Thank you, just like Jason's wife.
Jo:I really do.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:I really do. She's fantastic, but I Think that they're the kind of family that like when you get hurt and you're really sad or like you go hurt other people. Yeah okay like you, annihilate the you know? I mean, maybe he's gonna get turbocharged here in week 10, that's what I think propelled me to the championship like I think that he'll play well, but I think if something happens, it's like next level down. Watch me. Yeah watch me work, watch me.
Matt:Okay, you know right, that's so long as he doesn't get injured.
Jo:But I liked prior. This was before all of this happened, when there were just rumors of them talking to each other. Do you remember that tic-tac of that girl going on about how, like they were saying, alright, and it's the Super Bowl, they haven't talked, the lights go down. They say they have a surprise performer. Who is it? I don't know. I just like how all in everybody is yeah it's fun, it is fun I.
Matt:Don't know, they were terribly invested in it.
Jo:but no, but I am enjoying enjoying it.
Speaker 3:Very much.
Jo:Okay, so what are we talking about today?
Matt:Um, I think we were gonna talk about just things we thought were gonna be more important as an adult. Then they actually were okay, example example, stop-dropping roll. I have done it once. I have had to stop-dropping roll one time I was not like in flames, because it does work.
Jo:But we're kind of positing a world in which you're on fire enough you need to stop, drop and roll, but you're not so on fire that it's really past stop-drop and roll and there's a narrow window of being on fire, that that works for here's what I'll say about Stop-dropping roll compared to other things I have on my list stop-dropping roll is At least fire safety like it is, like it may not have come up very much, but when it comes up it is important.
Matt:Okay, fair. Do you know what I mean? Like it doesn't hurt you to know it. No you're not building like wrong expectations. It will work if you need it.
Jo:I don't think having anxiety about being on fire is necessarily a Harmful thing you're not invalid in feeling like you could catch on fire right.
Matt:You maybe shouldn't think about it like all the time right where I'm with you.
Jo:I'm with you, quick sand.
Matt:Okay.
Jo:I thought that that was gonna be a real problem I encountered regularly.
Matt:Yeah, I, I wasn't on the same page. I do remember reading about it a couple times me like oh no, but I realized pretty quick I wasn't even around normal sand all that often. So see, quick sand was not as pertinent.
Jo:I was a kid, my dad played league softball. Okay and we would go to all of his games and, and so there was like tons of dirt around the softball field and I would play in the dirt, which to me, you know dirt dirt say okay yeah. Dirt sand, whatever I thought I could just drop through at any time. I didn't understand necessarily that Quick sand is a specific type, like I thought I could be walking down a beach and just all of a sudden, it consumes me.
Matt:You were just worried about more of like a booby trap style.
Jo:Okay yeah great reference booby traps. Thought that would be more relevant.
Matt:Yeah, they were gonna have to disarm booby traps.
Jo:Yeah, yeah oh, you know what else. I thought there would be at least once in my life that I got somewhere and I Hopefully I have more time maybe I'll run into one where I have to like go through the lasers or I have to like avoid stepping on things in order for like a. An axe to fly out of the wall.
Matt:Are you committing heists?
Jo:No, I don't know, I just I don't know. Okay, yeah, I guess that's part of it if I was More into my life of crime.
Matt:Yeah, if we were stealing more things maybe we would have this. I mean, we can pivot. We can pivot social media to a life of crime.
Jo:How stealing things goes, though I know.
Matt:no, I don't exactly, I think it's more like cut power to the building and like yeah, I just don't, I don't know. Yeah.
Jo:I got questions.
Matt:Yeah, don't set up booby traps. That's a like, a real liability problem. Yeah like can you imagine you've got booby traps set up and like the mailman comes and You've impaled them on a spike pit or something? Yeah, again I feel like booby traps are wildly dangerous.
Speaker 4:So the most part.
Matt:I guess you could go like home alone style, but several of those like a bowling ball yeah there was bowling ball traps involved that are definitely gonna kill people.
Jo:Okay, do you have another one top of mind?
Matt:Peer pressure in general.
Jo:Oh, okay, tell me more.
Matt:There is, of course, like dare, like People pressuring you into drugs. For the most part, people want their drugs. They may want to share with you, but if you're like I don't want your drugs, they're like. I will gladly keep my drugs.
Jo:I 100% thought I was gonna get asked to do drugs.
Matt:Sure.
Jo:I've I've been asked.
Matt:I know I have been offered drugs One time in my entire life and you panicked, I did panic. I was 28, froze.
Jo:I was, was I 20? I was 27. Yeah, I was 27 years old. It's the only time I've ever been offered drugs and I didn't panic, like not say no. They didn't even really offer. I was at a club and I've not been around drugs, yeah, ever in my life. But I was with a couple friends of mine who are more in the party scene.
Jo:Sure, you know, whatever they, they go out more of their big city ghouls club kids and boys and we were there and people were doing illicit substances okay yeah, and somebody Tried to not just offer me like to like, really Get me in on the drug doing yeah, well, they thought they were doing you a favor.
Matt:Yeah, they were like you're here, you like to do cocaine, right?
Jo:and my my friend that was with me, who's know me, since I was like 10 and knows that like not my scene. Not like I don't want to see you on cocaine not my like, whatever Like, because I didn't even understand what was happening.
Matt:I just froze.
Jo:I just because I was like what, there's drugs here, like, yeah, we're gonna, we're in a club in LA Jo, like you don't just say no, um. And she literally like whipped the drugs out of the man's hand. She's like no.
Matt:I have to imagine that she didn't knock them to the ground, or not to the ground rude just like, and then the person who was being nice felt really bad and I was like you don't need to feel bad, I'd like again.
Jo:They were trying to share they were trying to be really nice and include me, but I, while I was happy to be there, didn't want to be included.
Matt:Yeah, I think the circumstances in which you're pressured into drugs are much fewer than yeah, no one was pressuring me at all, but that's the only time in my 30 years on earth that I have encountered being offered drugs ever. Oh, in the wild?
Jo:Yeah For sure even not in the wild. No what is not in the wild mean.
Matt:Oh, I just feel like you mean organically, like I feel like if you've been around people that are doing, I guess you're just not around people doing drugs.
Jo:I've never been around people doing okay, fair enough fair enough in high school, like Didn't invite me.
Matt:Not in a new way, like they just not intentionally a narc, you just they knew that wasn't my thing Like.
Jo:And the thing is I think now as an adult they understand that they could have invited me because I was fine. Did I Mean as long as nobody was doing anything that I thought was gonna cause permanent harm?
Matt:Sure.
Jo:But anyway, I just really thought like dare, really drilled into my head that I was gonna have to like yeah, you know, like fight some people, like people you're gonna be in a dark alley and then someone's gonna try and force you to do drugs.
Matt:Yeah, you get you hooked. Yeah, yeah, and really, it's just.
Jo:We were all just a bunch of stupid kids. Yeah, just trying things, yeah, and that's fine. I don't know. I think maybe the dare movement put us back a few steps.
Matt:I don't, yeah, I don't know that it was ideal, hmm, Tell me more about the peer pressure though peer pressure. And just again, ideally in your life as an adult, people aren't trying to force you to do things you don't want to do. Yeah, like your friends might kind of suck if that's happening a lot.
Jo:Yeah, yeah I, I agree with that.
Matt:Yeah, so again and organically in the wild. I don't think people were like do it? Most people don't care, they're just gonna be doing their own thing.
Jo:So yeah, that's valid. What helps what else? Toxic shock syndrome.
Matt:Oh yeah, this is what I mean for me personally.
Jo:Conversation. I had my first cycle back since having Rory and Matt and I were talking about tampons. And as we do as we do, and Matt brought up toxic shock syndrome and that is what started this entire conversation. We were having it's not again. I think this is kind of like stop, drop and roll. I think it's really good.
Matt:Yeah, we are educating people and we should ignore the advice entirely but the way I understood it. Mm-hmm.
Jo:I thought that bodies were gonna be dropping. Regularly yeah like I thought. You know, I lose a friend a year to toxic shock syndrome.
Matt:It happens, you know can you imagine why would we still be using tampons I if people are dying left and right?
Jo:I mean I can think of all kinds of things we're still using that people are dying left and right.
Matt:I guess oh.
Jo:Come on.
Matt:Okay, fine.
Jo:I can think of a major.
Matt:Topic issue.
Jo:I lost, not the one I was thinking of, but there's all kinds of things that it Okay, what are you thinking of? Guns.
Matt:Oh, okay, sure, Sure, well, but that's the intent. I mean not the intent to kill people with them. But it's not not the intent, but it's not a surprise if a gun kills people. Tampons aren't built to kill people, they're built for like hygiene. I don't know that we're using a lot of hygiene products. That all I'm saying is.
Jo:We don't really care how many people go down, if it's convenient for us.
Matt:Like what if you were losing a person a year to flossers?
Jo:I think that would be fine, that would Okay.
Matt:I tell me more, Okay.
Jo:I don't think it's fine.
Matt:I don't want like people are swallowing.
Jo:I don't even know how, but well, and I think it's interesting because I think there is a unique back and forth with this, where some things like one person dies and stuff gets pulled Everywhere and we're never allowed to use it, and then there are other things that, like, we're like, yeah, that happens sometimes.
Matt:I Just don't think I got a good gauge of what again, I think there's an unwritten kind of contract the things that you. There's a Communicated danger to them and I don't believe they're communicating a ton of danger with tampons, correct? Yeah?
Jo:Correct, okay, what else?
Matt:and now I'm just thinking of different things that it would be wild if they killed people regularly. Oh, like Dr Scholl's insoles, I Thought amnesia.
Jo:Oh yeah what's gonna be more relevant.
Matt:Okay, like people would just be forgetting things.
Jo:Like Bob Ross style. Yeah, okay, like I thought that happened, I know it's speaking of the evil twins.
Matt:You know that's a, that's a frequent trope.
Jo:Yeah, that one I didn't, you just weren't actually invested in soap operas.
Matt:You didn't think they were real.
Jo:No, okay, I want people to send us theirs.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:I'll put a, I'll put a box on Oversharing Instagram for you guys and I'll make a post out of it. Everybody's answers yeah, you know it's great about quicksand is you don't even sink all the way in.
Matt:Yeah, you know that you're more buoyant, you're less dense than quicksand, so like you can sink into it, but it's it's pretty difficult to drown in it.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Because you should get up to about your lungs and then you're just gonna float.
Jo:I have another one. Okay property taxes I. That's niche, but okay probably niche, but I thought property taxes were like a much more make or break. You know, yeah, like I Feel like parents and my parents and their peers I don't know if maybe I just picked up on it more but they were making like life choices based on property tax.
Matt:Got it yeah. You assumed it was like somewhere between 50 and 75% of your your take home.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Yeah, no, not quite. I mean maybe somewhere, but not here.
Jo:Yeah, do you have anything else to leave us on before we go into Greg's?
Matt:week Greg Greg. No, I don't know that. I think that pretty much hits mine.
Jo:Greg's Reeves of the week. Greg is my dad. He likes to send us articles. We like to read those articles headlines to you on the podcast and then rate them on a scale of one to five of how much anxiety receiving that headline gave us. Mm-hmm and Article number one this week is male loneliness epidemic how fathers face a friendship deficit. I Guess a three um, it doesn't give me anxiety. It kind of made me roll my eyes. Okay because to me this is like male loneliness epidemic, as if men didn't do that to themselves.
Jo:Sure you know what I mean. Mm-hmm, like I understand, it's a real problem, but Come on you're not.
Matt:you're not sympathizing with the self-inflicted?
Jo:No, it's kind of like. It's kind of like Woman's starves didn't go to grocery store or make any food very upset.
Matt:Epidemic yeah, sure like Make it like we don't teach men to make friends and now they don't have friends.
Jo:Well, and you shame one another not you specifically, but I feel like I see all kinds of men shame one another for being vulnerable. I see all kinds of men talk down to one another for having friendships. Everything is considered Like anything that is considered feminine, which is literally any emotional intelligence they're like being nice. Yeah, like there's such a negative connotation to it. Yeah no wonder you're lonely.
Matt:Me specifically no.
Jo:Ouch but I do think that, like I think that it impacts you, even if you're somebody who's trying to break that systemic sure mess that's been made.
Jo:You know yeah, cuz you gotta, it's gotta be both ways, so you got it right, I figure out who you can be vulnerable with but I did read it and it was a very thoughtful. Okay, it was very thoughtful, it was a very interesting article, but when I initially saw the headline, sympathy was limited home. Yeah, like a one out of five for anxiety, but it was a very thoughtful article and the per the man that they interviewed I thought was really being vulnerable in a way that I thought was very lovely and I do think that Generally speaking it was very positive. But okay, you know I get now.
Matt:I was gonna say fired up.
Jo:I got riled up.
Matt:Here's one for you potential plans underway for high-speed trains across the US.
Jo:Oh, no Anxiety, yeah, love that.
Matt:Yeah, I don't. I'm not super optimistic.
Jo:I'm not either, but if it happened I'd be happy about it cuz I feel like we've talked about high-speed trains for a minute. It makes so much sense.
Matt:It doesn't. It doesn't see. We have a really big country so you're limited in how many areas it serves. There are definitely places it would be very like useful.
Jo:But even though we have a big country right now, our solution is Highways and cars true.
Matt:True, I'm not saying they do, they're just logistically difficult High-speed trains and expensive, mainly expensive.
Jo:Yeah, but here's the thing I feel like what you're doing right now, it's like, well, it's not a perfect solution, so let's stick with the crackpot shit that we have right now.
Matt:No, no, no, I think it's again. I think just nobody wants to pay for it. So, but I'm not optimistic. We're getting high-speed trains soon. Elon Musk so he was gonna make tunnels underground, and I don't think that's happening real soon either, so I Don't know. Infrastructure, man, it's expensive and people don't like paying for it.
Jo:No, they don't, which is interesting to me.
Matt:So we're just gonna let ours crumble and then see what happens. See if we can figure it out, then probably not. It's kind of like you know the earth we're just gonna. We're just gonna let it ride until it doesn't work anymore and see if we can pivot. Then yeah, valid. Reese Witherspoon says why it's important to edit your friendships.
Jo:Two out of five. I don't know what it means and that you know you don't like that.
Matt:One out of five for me.
Jo:Really it's not much. I don't think I read that one.
Matt:I didn't either.
Jo:What is editing your friendships mean. I mean, I'm intrigued, I'm definitely gonna click on it.
Matt:I don't know how much stock are you taking? What Reese Witherspoon has to say about it.
Jo:It's not really about that for me. Okay, it's not that I'm like oh, reese said it. I have to know it's more of a like edit your friendships. That's an interesting sentence. I would like to know more got it.
Matt:That's just not yeah.
Jo:Like it's definitely peaking my interest. Okay okay, but it's not a For me. Reese Witherspoon's here nor there okay, fair enough. Uh word of the week word of the week word of the week. It's verbose. I don't know what it means verbose, verbose, verbose Is that right.
Matt:Yeah, okay, yeah, I wrote it down.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Jo:I used it and then, instead of asking what it meant, I just wrote it down.
Matt:Okay, okay. Verbose using or expressed in more words than are needed. Much academic language is obscure and verbose, so using many words when few words would do okay in the words of Kevin.
Jo:So Matt is very verbose.
Matt:Yeah, at times, at times not usually about how you have a limited vocabulary. Yes, but I feel like you, use it well.
Jo:Okay, thank you.
Matt:You're relatively eloquent but not verbose fair. You're not throwing a lot of vocab words in there.
Jo:Yeah, I.
Matt:I throw in vocab words. They're not even that useful, because if nobody knows what they mean or they're not like Up to date, that they're not, it doesn't help you right, but you do it.
Jo:It's interesting the way that you look for words, because For you it's not about stunting on them. No and to me the only reason used words like that is to Not like I've never met somebody that isn't using them in order to just prove they know big words I Probably have, but I'm just gonna go really all in on that Whereas you use them Because you want the specificity.
Matt:Yeah, I Want a word that means exactly what I'm thinking but the problem is, I don't know what it means. Then you have to describe the feeling yeah, I still like having it Like concisely summed up in a word.
Jo:Yeah, it backfires, it doesn't it doesn't actually make my. Max very verbose with it. No, I'm very verbose with my feelings.
Matt:Yes, yeah, you like to describe them and then re-describe them, and then describe them again.
Jo:I Do not like to do that. I don't like to do that at all, but when something isn't making sense to another person, Mm-hmm. I have this really bad, bad habit of being like nah, I can get this, I can figure out words that are gonna make sense and then, by the time I give up, we're 15 ways in and you have no idea what's going on, because you think I've described 15 different feelings.
Matt:Mm-hmm, we also run into often. I understand what you're saying, but I'm not reacting in an appropriate way. Yeah, so then you just Re-explain it to me and I'm like no, I got what you were saying. It's not hitting me the right way.
Jo:So Telling it to me again isn't, isn't working, but we try it anyway like, if I'm really sad about something and I express it to Matt, matt has the most man responsible. He'll say like okay, I'm like, oh no, you're not getting it.
Matt:I am.
Jo:I'm devastated, I'm very upset and he's like cool.
Speaker 3:I'm like no, you must not be understanding me.
Jo:I'm oversimplifying. Clearly yes, I'm oversimplifying, for the, for the, for the plot got it For these clips. Yeah, but you know what I'm saying.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:I actually sent you a tick-tock today. That was a girl pretending to be men and it was like men Talking to their closest friend and it's like I got a promotion today at work and friends like it's cool, that's awesome, congrats, dude. And then like, oh, my girlfriend dumped me. Oh man, that's too bad, I'm sorry, dude. Like you know, and it went on, the caption was like they never asked for any details. Yeah, yeah, that's and then they complain that they're in an epidemic.
Matt:I see a loneliness.
Jo:It's because you guys aren't like well don't talk to each other. Well, that's why you're lonely, Okay, okay, I doly noted, do you feel lonely?
Matt:I Try not to think about it. Oh, that sounded way sadder than I meant it Not especially. No, I'm home with you guys all the time.
Jo:Yeah, but being with.
Matt:I'm like never alone.
Jo:But being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.
Matt:I understand. I understand, um, it's just not a high priority for me right now.
Jo:So you do feel lonely.
Matt:I guess that's super lonely, like it's not a devastating part of my day. You're looking at me like I. Well, because I'm just the saddest boy in school.
Jo:Well, I think that I'm thinking about that now. I'm I've been all over the map today with my feelings.
Matt:I'm after roasting guys about being lonely.
Jo:Well, I think I do have some empathy for it, because it's like I roasted it, which is the opposite of how I generally like to act about those kinds of things, because then it makes people clam up and not share that.
Jo:They're feeling lonely, sure, and I think, as I'm listening to you you saying that it's not a priority and you saying it's not something you're giving a lot of thought to that doesn't say anything about whether you're experiencing that feeling and whether it's impactful or not. It just says, yes, I do feel that way, but don't worry.
Matt:I'm rationalizing it.
Jo:I'm pushing it down the deep Part of my brain where I don't have to think about it and I don't have to solve for it. So I'm fine, and to me that isn't I'm fine.
Matt:That's tomorrow's problem right. It works every time. No it's foolproof.
Jo:No guys. I have learned I really do hate punting things out to future me. I'm constantly trying to set future me up in a really good situation now to me.
Matt:Future me is a rock star. I can do it all and present me. He just doesn't got it.
Jo:And when his future, you really done what you've expected from him.
Matt:If you put enough pressure on future me, he kind of has to does he well, we we. Rarely, but Again, I think he's amazing. He's way better than current me. I.
Jo:Mean can't argue with that, wow.
Matt:Okay, you weren't supposed to agree with that. That readily rude, rude.
Jo:I didn't mean. I think how that came out.
Matt:I was don't care that I'm lonely and we think current me sucks.
Jo:So I don't think current you sucks and I didn't mean that about. Like, that's not how. I meant that I think future use a rock star. Blah, blah, blah.
Matt:Oh no, that's not what I meant. I'm like putting my mouth. Put my mouth up, or.
Jo:I feel like today's maybe just Jo's episode, guys, I it's another main Jo episode.
Matt:Bad dad, mean mom, she's just being mean to dad.
Jo:I kind of feel that I have a really big insecurity about that with our content online the podcast Because I feel like that's how a lot of people perceive our relationship a lot of people, yeah, and it's. It Is really sad for me and it's really concerning for me because I never like it. On a serious note, I never want you to feel criticized. I never want you to feel made fun of and I Think that we very much have that kind of dialogue where we're always joking around with each other, but I'm not always good at knowing the line of what's okay to say, like for me. There aren't things that are okay to say about me Online versus in private, like I'm sure the most part, like I'm sure there.
Jo:I think, but for the most part it's kind of whatever goes, whereas I think you have some more lines. That's fair, that's fair but I don't know that you've ever really expressed those lines to me.
Matt:Or you know when you see it.
Jo:Well, that's the thing I don't like I don't think that you're hiding them from me and expecting you to figure them out. I think that as we cross them, it becomes apparent to you. Yeah, I don't know.
Matt:Yeah, that does happen. I get emotional about it because like you don't like the good cop, bad cop and you always being bad cop.
Jo:Well, I am, and I don't know that I understand it.
Matt:Yeah, well, again, I think people just we go back and forth and then they ignore it when I do it and when you do it they're like whoa, yeah, wow, she put it right back at him. What the hell was that?
Jo:Yeah, it happens a lot when we're live online.
Matt:It does happen when we're live. People are like, wow, she's so mean and I don't get it. I feel like you're extra nice on life.
Jo:I don't know, I don't, I don't know. Yeah, I don't feel like I can say whether I mean or not, because I don't think that it is very self-aware to be like no, I'm this way and everybody else is wrong.
Matt:Everyone doesn't get me.
Jo:I've never been able to perceive myself. So, I don't know.
Matt:Mmm, that's deep.
Jo:Never been able to perceive myself Very meta well, but it's true, sure, at the root of it, I'm not able to see myself from the outside. So while I may think I'm projecting one thing, and my goal and my intent may be one thing, that doesn't mean that's how it's coming across, you're just being a big meanie. Yeah, and then I get really self-conscious. I'm like what if I am a big meanie and I don't know it?
Matt:You're not a big meanie, you're okay, hi. Hi it's okay.
Jo:Are you sure?
Matt:Yeah, I'm fine I.
Jo:Feel like you're.
Matt:I mean to myself, it's really not a problem.
Jo:I'm lonely and abused. Okay, don't, we don't have to.
Matt:I'm not verbally abused, just to be clear. It's okay, let's answer people's questions, some voicemails. It's probably about communication and we've been killing it today, so let's do it.
Speaker 4:Me and my husband. We've been together for four years, married for almost one. We've lived together for a little over two years now. No, three years now. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah, that's right. Oh, my goodness. Okay. So we've lived together for a little over three years now and we have a two-year-old. I know numbers all over the place that that's how it goes. So I was just wondering what helped you all to work on your communication, because we are terrible communication. Somebody always gets heated and then, like y'all said, the heated person is not really listening, and Then we never come back to the communication later. So I'm just wondering what helped y'all to figure out what works best for you? Did y'all go talk to a counselor? Did y'all like sit down and say okay, like listen, it's what we're doing wrong, it's what we need to work on? I don't know. I just don't know how to set him down and have him work with me about that. So can you let me know? That would be awesome. Love y'all podcast. Love y'all, and can't wait till it's the next week.
Jo:I Mentioned this on last week's podcast and I think it's really relevant in this too. You can't force somebody to sit down with you and work on something yeah, like I, because I get that. We get questions like this from women a lot, and I'm. This doesn't necessarily mean obviously we lack nuance in your individual situation, but you cannot. If somebody else isn't participating, there's nothing you're doing wrong. There's not a perfect solution that is going to force that person to want to communicate with you, to Sit down with you, to make it a priority, all of those things you like. Tell you everything you need to know. In my opinion, like you and I don't communicate well all the time, and I hurt your feelings sometimes, you hurt mine, we get heated, sometimes we you know. That's all things that happen in our relationship.
Matt:And then we record it and we put it on the internet.
Jo:Then we record it, we put it on the internet? No, but I always know that you're willing to sit down and have a conversation with me about it. Does that make?
Matt:sense.
Jo:Like you're meeting me there halfway always.
Matt:And if the question's about logistics, like how to actually one speaking to a counselor can't help, that's not necessarily what we've like. We worked on our communication prior to that. It has helped several times to have a neutral third party go okay, what's everybody doing here? But logistically, sometimes you, I know we worked through it at times when somebody like exploded and finally said what they were thinking me, it's me, guys, I exploded and I explode like once a year and she's like yes, your feelings, you're telling me them. She's like it's time and I'm like, no, I'm like boiling rage right now.
Jo:I don't think and I'm like, yeah, that's good Tell me all of your rage thoughts that you have all the time, but you just bottle them inside. I'm like rage thoughts, rage thoughts, rage thoughts.
Matt:You get excited. There's many times you've been excited that I'm super mad.
Jo:And I try really hard not to get excited because I know that it can make you feel what we're meant to be for? Yeah that's not what I'm trying to do.
Matt:Although sometimes it also does diffuse it and be like oh okay, like we should talk about these things that are going on. But to go to that logistically sometimes you may just have to basically take a timeout and go. This isn't working. Can we take 10 minutes, like you can literally set a timer? You may have to really structure it a couple of times, but I think if you do it and have success with it, even if it helps a little bit in the conversation, hopefully you can build on that and it can be more organic. But I think some of the question was almost just how do you bring it up?
Jo:This isn't something we've done, but I mean communicate this. Make sure that you're both on board for this idea, but if you're really heated in an argument, set an alarm. Like you know, if you're heated, you're both elevated. Say all right, we're gonna walk away from this topic. Like you go on a walk, you go play a video game, whatever you guys are into go swing your clubs, I don't know whatever it is. You go do your thing, I'm gonna go do mine. We're gonna revisit this tonight when this alarm goes off.
Matt:At a time yeah.
Jo:And then sit back down and talk about it again.
Matt:Could be 10 minutes, two hours.
Jo:Right.
Matt:You may wanna be like hey, keep it at least a little bit in mind what was going on Cause if it's me and it's a couple hours I may legitimately just forget what happened, Not forget entirely like amnesia because, like we talked about, not as common as you think.
Jo:I ask you to take notes.
Matt:You have. You have definitely asked me to take notes when you're really heated, like if we're stepping away and we're gonna revisit something.
Jo:I'm like, can you take notes on this? Yeah, and that's probably when we've had our most successful conversations is because and I think that's the beauty of journaling, even as an individual- I've seen did we talk about this on here?
Matt:Maybe it was a TikTok. Somebody was talking about basically writing out like carrying out some of these arguments and things over text. So that it's, you're not getting so much.
Jo:We did not talk about this.
Matt:Okay, I saw this. I don't know where I saw this, I don't know when it's been in the last couple of weeks, but I saw somebody basically say sometimes it's better to like separate and have the conversation over text. So that tone is not so.
Jo:Was this specifically for people that are neurodivergent?
Matt:Yeah, yeah, that makes sense, yeah it's like for people that are have problems with tone and specificity and all that stuff. Breaking it down and having a discussion over text can take a lot of the tone and make it so you can communicate the ideas just directly.
Jo:That's so interesting because for me, I hate communicating via text because it removes the tone, so it's interesting to use it as a tool.
Matt:Yeah it removes the nuance. But sometimes, like I know, we definitely have problems understanding each other's tone. Like I will infer a lot more from tone than is communicated often, so it can cause a lot of problems that way. Yeah, it's one of the things we work on actively at this time.
Jo:A lot.
Matt:It's like we aren't hearing each other's tones.
Jo:And I don't hear my own tone very well. I've very much. I think creating content on the internet has been really interesting in that way, because I'll listen back to the podcast, or I will like watch us working on a project like filmed behind the scenes footage and just be appalled at how I sounded.
Matt:Interesting, not always. Yeah, sometimes you're not, sometimes it's fine.
Jo:I'm like, oh no, that's exactly how I thought.
Matt:I sounded, yeah, I sounded fine, and he flipped out.
Jo:Right, but sometimes I'll hear rarely, is it when you get upset? Okay, a lot of times I'll hear myself and it's not that you got upset, it's that we're just talking. I'm like, oh wow, that sounded like. No, I feel like you do police yourself more on that, Probably but maybe that would be helpful to other people too, to record conversations or projects or take behind the scenes footage. I don't know that sounds crazy.
Matt:If you can't get a third party, record it Again. I don't mean so you can go back and criticize one another.
Jo:It was really eye-opening to me to hear myself, though, because it's that same thing. It's so hard to perceive yourself.
Matt:Yeah again, I think. To sum it up, if someone's refusing to negotiate with you, that's its own thing. If it's a logistical problem of like, how do you make this happen? It's just it's gonna be awkward. It's not gonna feel like really off the cuff and organic, but sometimes that's what you need. You need the break.
Jo:For sure.
Matt:So Alright, another voice mail Summed it up.
Speaker 3:Hi Joan Matt. My name is Mary Beth and I wanna start off by saying I have really loved and enjoyed following your guys' journeys long the last few years. I've been listening to Millground and following Jo more specifically since COVID first hit and I really love this podcast you guys are doing. I really love hearing you guys talk and banter and discuss all the things. So the thing I'm calling about today is I'm currently 25. I'm living in New York City. I'm attending school for a master's degree which I should graduate from this May if everything goes well.
Speaker 3:But something I really think about recently is kind of where I should decide to live and settle down, because I do wanna get my first job either here in the city or elsewhere in New England because I do really enjoy this area of the country. But my parents currently live in Texas. My dad could retire soon if he wants, but he's gonna wait until my youngest brother's out of college and then after that him and my mom will spend more time with Minnesota and I really recently thought it's gonna be important to me at some point in the next hour or long to be within at least a day's driving distance of them. So I've been really kind of worried about when I should figure out when to move and when to settle down closer to be with them, which they are both healthy, they're doing well. But I've just been really stressing and thinking about this and would love to hear guys' perspectives on it. Thanks so much.
Jo:My perspective is don't put pressure where pressure isn't needed.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:I think it's really good. I think there's a balance, and I grew up in a household where forward thinking was so prioritized that I feel like present living lost out.
Matt:Sure.
Jo:And I think that there are two ends of the spectrum there. Like you can super live in the present and not think about the future at all.
Matt:Guilty is charged.
Jo:And that puts you in a bad spot. I think you can also live with only future you in mind and really miss out on the present, and that also isn't good. I think it's about finding balance and, from what you're talking to us about, the way I perceive that is. I think you are in a spot where you're trying to live a little bit too much for future you, and I think it's a really good time to take into consideration the way that you can always pivot.
Matt:Yeah, yeah it's. I'm on the same page with you on this one. If it's not a pain point right now, great to be aware of it, great to be thinking about it, great to have a possibility of moving. But see how the next few years develop, when your parents do retire, if they do spend more time in Minnesota or wherever, if they end up somewhere else. And if it's not really on the table for you to move away from where you are right now, then it's not on the table.
Jo:Well, a new elements. The thing is, new elements are going to be constantly introducing themselves.
Matt:Sure.
Jo:You're in a season of your life where things are rapidly changing my mid-20s. I went from being single to being I'm single and I'm working a full-time, nine to five job. I'm single and I'm a wedding photographer traveling all over the country. I'm dating Matt and I'm a wedding photographer, doing a long distance relationship. Then I was engaged and I'm traveling doing workshops and then, all of a sudden, I was getting married and I was creating content. There are just constantly new things being introduced whereas I feel like a little later into adulthood, there is this sense of monotony, almost.
Matt:You know what I mean.
Jo:Like things become a little more.
Matt:For the most part. There will come a time where you've got more of a groove and then you're gonna wanna get out of your groove more. But ideally and that's not for everybody some people are just rolling stones and they go forever. But there will probably be a point where you kinda stabilize and it doesn't have to. It's probably not gonna be when you're 25.
Jo:But what we're getting at is ideally you don't have to find that groove, that groove will find you.
Matt:Yeah, it'll appear.
Jo:Yeah, it will or it'll happen.
Matt:Right, it'll just happen along the way.
Jo:A time will come that it makes sense. So if right now you're in New York City and you love it, and you love the life that you're leading and you don't feel needed in present time somewhere else, allow yourself to live in the present right now.
Jo:Stay in New England, do the job that you love and remember that there are always other opportunities out there to take Like there is an abundance of other things available to you. So if your parents moved to Minnesota and you wanna be like, when you said Minnesota I was like Minnesota Twin Cities. I love it there, though I really do.
Matt:I don't wanna do winter there, which is like seven months long.
Jo:But I love it there. I think that there's such good culture and community, and part of that is my family that lives there. I really adore Matt's family that lives there. I really adore and we've just we've always had great times when we're up there, and so I think it also really depends on your community and things like that. But the other thing I was gonna note about up there is it has a great airport.
Matt:It does.
Jo:So fantastic airport, which means you can travel.
Matt:All that to say that's feature use problem. Yeah, Works every time.
Jo:I don't like that advice at all. I think it's good to take it into consideration and I think it's good to not feel like you're wanting to put all your eggs in one basket, but I think that a lot of the limits that we put on ourselves are just that, limits that we put on ourselves. I mean, people ask all the time when we're talking about this home, this is just something I'm thinking about.
Jo:They're like well, is it your forever home? I'm like I don't talk like that. Maybe we'll stay here until we're old and wrinkly, maintaining the garden and taking care of these three acres and Matt and I are gonna find an abundance of pleasure and incredible living here, maybe. But I don't need to put myself in that box and require myself to try and constantly be living up to that expectation I set for future me. I know that that is an option and that it is a path that is there for me if the pieces fall that way and I continue to enjoy going down that path.
Matt:And we made decisions that, yes, we could be in this house long-term and yes, it will be what we want in five years, 10 years, if that's the case. But it's again. We work to not pigeonhole ourselves to say something extreme happens with family health, something extreme happens with just life or work or whatever things change and you're not gonna see it coming. So it's kind of impossible to plan for everything and so just plan for what is immediate and keep aware of what you wanna do.
Jo:And 25 is fun, enjoy it yeah yeah enjoy it. Matt still thinks he's 25.
Matt:That I stopped tracking birthdays after 25. 25 was just a nice round number. I was in my fully in my adulthood, at the very least. And yeah no, I continually think I'm 25. That's just the reality of it.
Jo:I love it.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:All right, friends, we appreciate you so much. Thank you for another big week of downloads. I wanted to note here at the end we've had so many new people listening and we have new followers on the Instagram and I can't thank you enough. Subscribe to the YouTube channel review, on Spotify or Apple Podcast or wherever you listen. Leave us a voicemail the link is down below and send us an email if you're not comfortable leaving a voicemail or send a DM. Oh, actually, before we go, oh yeah. I should check DMs. I haven't done that.
Matt:Send us a serious question. Send us a dumb question.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Send us a question for the dumb dumb.
Jo:Send us a question for the dumb dumb it me. I dumb dumb. Oh, somebody asked if there's any chance of linking Gregg's Reads the Week after dropping the new episode.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, there is a good chance. I used to do that and. I've gotten away from it. I wasn't sure anyone was actually looking at them. It's good to know you are. I will start linking them again.
Jo:Okay, one last question before we dive off of here from the DMs. The question's more for Jo, but would love Matt's input from a male perspective. I'm almost eight months postpartum and ever since I feel more irritable toward my husband and feel like it is starting to take a toll on our relationship. Have you experienced anything similar and how would you navigate it? I'm unsure the underlying cause and I'm feeling really guilty about it. She's a new listener we love you. Congratulations on your baby.
Matt:I was gonna say I wonder if we've talked about this.
Jo:She said if you've already talked about it, you know, but we'll hit it again.
Matt:No, no, no, we'll totally hit it again.
Jo:I mean, I feel like I don't think we've talked about this specifically.
Matt:Maybe not. I was just curious if maybe we had something more in the moment, oh, from like postpartum yeah.
Jo:Well, I'm currently almost eight months postpartum and I think that that irritability comes from. There is a whole new sense of what you're needed for as a mom when you have a new baby, and there are a lot of needs that really only a mom can fill, especially if you're nursing.
Matt:Like biologically. Right correct, like truly physically, biologically, your utility as a mom is very different than as a dad, and there are things as a dad, as a dad, you're not gonna produce milk.
Jo:Right.
Matt:It's not gonna happen.
Jo:Well, and we don't support moms well, not just dads don't support moms, well, like.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:From a communal standpoint. We don't support moms. Well.
Matt:Truly, the expectations are higher and the support is less.
Jo:Yeah, and I think that, for me anyway, I really have expected you to step up and in ways you have and in ways you haven't- Absolutely. And in the ways that you haven't. It is really easy to become resentful because as a mom to me it's so obvious I'm like come on.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:Just do this, and I think it's really frustrating too, because I know for a fact if it were you in those shoes, I would see it. Does that make sense? I don't mean that if I was a man, yeah. I'm saying that if I had my perspective and my growth as a woman and everything, and then had to support you through that situation, I am more emotionally aware, I am more acute to paying attention to those things In tune with them, and it takes practice that I get resentful of, that I don't feel like you put in that practice.
Matt:So the advice is you should replace your husband with a woman.
Jo:Yeah, maybe Jo. No, I mean, the advice is the advice we give over and over and over again. Talk about it Like I think the best thing you can do, like we've talked, that's why I'm.
Matt:This isn't the first time, Matt, I'm not scary, this is not news.
Jo:Airing him out on the podcast. We've had really abundant conversation about this and there are a lot of ways I've watched you substantially improve and invest in and practice the way you do things in order to better support me.
Matt:Because it can truly be a blind spot. Yeah, it may be something they're not aware of Now. It could be something that you've hammered at and they just aren't doing. That's different. Still something to talk about.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:So find a woman or Don't find women don't need more.
Jo:We need men to step up, not women to keep supporting women.
Matt:I think we just replace them.
Jo:Sorry, you're not helpful.
Matt:I don't know just spitball in here Throwing ideas out.
Jo:All the men are just gonna be lonely together.
Matt:Yeah, we're already lonely. I am so lonely, that takes me back to, of course, that's to hang out with each other. There you go, we all get left.
Jo:Really, this is just an ultimate ploy to help the men.
Matt:Yeah, Mm-hmm, it helps. Yeah, I guess kind of.
Jo:I also think that it's hard I was gonna say from my standpoint I think it's hard as women. I think we get resentful and it's you know that thing, when I don't know how to do something and then you make a comment because to you it's a really obvious thing most people should be able to do, and then I feel really stupid and bad.
Jo:No, you're not trying to make me feel that way, but like, or vice versa, like I've done it to you too, I think that that's a very common thing. I think emotional intelligence can be the same way too. It's like why don't you get this? How is this not obvious to you?
Matt:Yeah, you can't see I'm suffering, yeah.
Jo:And then maybe that's hurtful and it makes people back away even more.
Matt:Yeah, again it's like anything else? Try and handle it when it's not in the moment. Right but agreed, Good luck. We did have that problem.
Jo:Still do.
Matt:Still do.
Jo:Yeah, I think that.
Matt:It was definitely more acute the first time around.
Jo:Yes, we've had a much better, smoother experience this time.
Matt:You've had a better postpartum experience, I think physically and mentally than the first go around, I agree. And we went through it once and so hopefully we did a better job.
Jo:Absolutely, I think so. So on that note, we'll catch you guys next week.
Matt:All right.
Jo:Bye.