We kick things off with and an extended discussion on pleated dress pants then wander our way through dealing with unsolicited advice on TikTok, authoring children's books, and the differences in how we process our thoughts. We hit Greg's Reads of the Week, learn a magical new word, and get to a handful of your voicemails and emails again! Thanks again for all the great submissions and keep them coming! There's lots to learn from, laugh about, and ponder on in this episode, so don't miss out!
Greg's Reads of the Week
- Retirement goal expectations vs. reality: How Americans stack up
- Investing 10% of your income is a 'good start,' says CFP
- Forget going for a run — sitting in a hot tub can bring the same health benefits: study
- It's a global climate solution — if it can get past conspiracy theories and NIMBYs
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
We kick things off with and an extended discussion on pleated dress pants then wander our way through dealing with unsolicited advice on TikTok, authoring children's books, and the differences in how we process our thoughts. We hit Greg's Reads of the Week, learn a magical new word, and get to a handful of your voicemails and emails again! Thanks again for all the great submissions and keep them coming! There's lots to learn from, laugh about, and ponder on in this episode, so don't miss out!
Greg's Reads of the Week
- Retirement goal expectations vs. reality: How Americans stack up
- Investing 10% of your income is a 'good start,' says CFP
- Forget going for a run — sitting in a hot tub can bring the same health benefits: study
- It's a global climate solution — if it can get past conspiracy theories and NIMBYs
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overbys. I'm Jo.
Matt:And I'm Matt.
Jo:And each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voice mails, go in depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Matt:With that being said, let's get to oversharing.
Jo:I think actually somebody commented on one of my TikToks this week. It was a clip from the podcast and it was me laughing at you and somebody commented and said I know that laugh that's a laugh when you're so frustrated that if you don't laugh you'll cry because your partner's so terrible. I was like I was like thanks for finally sticking up for me.
Matt:You know I don't like the partner, so terrible part, but I can't the whole thing felt completely wrong to me because I was genuinely laughing at something you said.
Jo:But I was like, at least this person well, actually I think they may have been low key, insulting me too of like oh, you think you have this great mask but I see behind it Right through your poker face, so that definitely kind of hurt my feelings Even though I wasn't trying to put on a poker mask. I don't think I hate that. My mask I wasn't trying to put on is bad.
Matt:I like the idea of a poker mask. We're conflating two ideas of wearing a mask and a poker face, but I'm going to start playing poker in a poker mask.
Jo:Today's already going downhill and we just got started.
Matt:Yeah Well, we're going to start at the bottom, we're going to work our way up.
Jo:We are, I don't know. All right, let's hear it, that was just a positive spin I was putting on us. Okay, yeah, I like that.
Matt:Let's hear it, oh no.
Jo:Before we get started, I have an ask Can you tuck your bangs up into your hat? Because something I've learned since your hair's gotten long like the thing I am, my ick. This is my number one ick and I'm really not an ick kind of girly Like I. Just you know I hate when Matt's bangs, like are like sticking out from under his hat, like yeah, it's easier.
Matt:That's funny because that doesn't bother me nearly as much as the stuff flying off the side.
Jo:Doesn't make any sense to me, because the stuff flying out the sides to me is much more organic. It makes sense your bangs hanging on for dear life to your forehead.
Matt:Dribbling out the front of the hat. Yeah.
Jo:Horrible.
Matt:Yeah, horrible it looks disheveled.
Jo:It looks uncomfortable.
Matt:Keep going, going on me, keep going, it makes you look wrinkled.
Jo:That's not that bad of a thing. That doesn't bother me that much.
Matt:But you look old, you look bad, you look gross.
Jo:All separately and all at the same time.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:Yeah, pretty much. No, that's my ick though.
Matt:That's your ick.
Jo:You still have one curl hanging down, which is one curl, is fine.
Matt:I don't feel a strong thing. It's kind of tough to like really get it all. I've been a big hat girl this week. Yeah, it just. It means you don't have to do like half your hair.
Jo:I did my hair.
Matt:No, you did. I know you did Percent before I put this hat on you did a full, full head of hair and then slapped a hat on it.
Jo:Yeah, it finished the outfit. I felt like it was the accessory, the outfit needed to be like a golfer dad chic.
Matt:Oh, golfer, dad chic I love the. I love the concept.
Jo:Somebody online told me that.
Matt:Oh, okay.
Jo:I was like, yeah, I think that is what I'm going for.
Matt:Business dad.
Jo:Yeah, business dad off the course. Yeah, I'm wearing new balances. That's a vibe. I'm wearing a slack.
Matt:Yeah, you're, you're wearing pleated slacks.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Pleats are back. That's always fun.
Jo:I like pleats.
Matt:Pleats are Okay. So we're big leg people, so pleats are.
Jo:We're not big leg people, we are legs of big sizes people.
Matt:Yeah, what. What do you mean? What's the difference?
Jo:I feel like a big leg person to me is like somebody that's really into legs.
Matt:Oh, okay, yeah, no, no, no, it's not a like. That's how I love it Like Matt's, not a leg guy.
Jo:He wouldn't have married me if he was a leg guy. Let's be honest Okay, I'm a leg girly.
Matt:It like into legs.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Okay, you're a big leg gal, I guess.
Jo:It's because I don't love my own. I don't hate my leg, I'm very neutral, but I think that that's part of it is I really notice beautiful legs.
Matt:Yeah, and that's why you're with me.
Jo:I don't. Yeah, you have great legs. What are you talking about?
Matt:Well, this is a pod, you know, podcast, video, podcast. We're gonna have to put my legs in. We're gonna have to back this camera.
Jo:No, they can go to our Instagram. They go to our Tik Tok yeah.
Matt:They can see all your Legs. I do wear shorter shorts than many.
Jo:Yeah, you're a short, short man.
Matt:Yeah, I got, I got solid legs. I got, I got a good pair of.
Jo:Sleubby little shorty shorts. Oh yeah, we love them. I forgot about that. We love them.
Matt:So no, anyway, we have large legs, so pleats work for us. They give you a little extra fabric to move the pant leg out.
Jo:I have never found dress pants that fit me.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:I've never really like there. I feel like there are always styles going on with a dress, pant you know, it makes sense. Uh, and I've never been able to find dress pants that fit my body, until this year.
Matt:Because of pleats, right Pleats.
Jo:Well, I don't know if it's because of pleats, apricot, and we came out with a curve love version of their pant, their dress pant. It has pleats in it.
Matt:Sure.
Jo:And I just feel like it fits well.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, I don't know that pleats fit us the way that, like they envision, because, again, I think they're supposed to be real loose. I don't know Am. I even making sense here? No, not at all, am I not You're?
Jo:acting like they're putting pleats in it to give you extra thigh room, which to me, tells me that you're wearing the wrong size pants.
Matt:I have to wear a larger.
Jo:If you're right, if your pleat is pulling in that way.
Matt:No, you shouldn't be pulling the pleats.
Jo:Right.
Matt:No, the pleats should stay pleated.
Jo:Uh-huh. So what's the benefit as a larger leg person?
Matt:They usually tend to have more fabric because they're doing the pleat, as opposed to a flat front pant that's going to shoot straight down from the waist at least with men's pants, I mean, I'm not going to speak on women's pants.
Jo:Okay, I don't wear the power of the pleat. That's what this episode is going to be called. Actually, probably not, because by the time we put the episode up, we will have forgotten that I said that.
Matt:Yeah, but yeah maybe All right, you never know I just chopped the whole pleats discussion out and she's like that sounds like a complete dumbass.
Jo:So If you sound dumb, leave it in.
Matt:Just trying to dumb me down.
Jo:I'm no. It's like that thing where I'm trying to tear you down in order to build myself up.
Matt:Ah, that's smart. I don't think it's working. It works. I don't think it's working. Works every time yeah.
Jo:All I have to do is convince everybody Matt's really dumb, and then they'll think I'm smart.
Matt:If I make everyone else in the world worse, I will be better, right.
Jo:You get it.
Matt:Hey, I mean a lot of people practice that yeah.
Jo:It's honestly the world's worst strategy and I don't really understand it. I do I feel like I did practice it at one time when I was a wee taught A human instinct.
Matt:I think to a degree it's a defense mechanism.
Jo:Now I've started really leaning into the build everybody else up and at least you're around people who are tall, you know like yeah.
Matt:If you're around good people, people just by association think you're good. Is that the thought?
Jo:No, no, no, but I guess that also.
Matt:Rising tide raises all ships. Is that, yeah, kind of Okay?
Jo:I was thinking more along the lines of if I cheer everybody else around me on and I help them get to their goals, at least I get to be around people who are successful, even if I'm not nailing it.
Matt:Sure yeah, like the thing about tearing everybody around you down is.
Jo:Then you're just stuck in a room with a bunch of sad people, and that doesn't sound very fun.
Matt:You're the least sad of all the sad people.
Jo:Right, exactly, I would rather be the least accomplished or the least intelligent person in the room, surrounded by people that feel fulfilled and happy Got it.
Matt:Yeah, it's probably smart to not try to be king of the sad people, king of the sad people. That's a title right there, yours. No not like an actual title for a person. I meant for the episode, but Okay.
Jo:King of the sad people? And what did I say about pleats?
Matt:Matt said pleats dumbass or something.
Jo:No.
Matt:I did not say that Matt doesn't know what pleats are.
Jo:Oh, power of pleats and the king of sadness, king of sad people, king of sad people. Honestly, that kind of sounds like a fantasy book.
Matt:Yeah, it sounds like a kid's book.
Jo:Oh, okay.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:We could write a children's book.
Matt:You know what's really funny.
Jo:What.
Matt:All the people that if you say you're writing a book, they're like oh, you know what? I've always wanted to write a children's book.
Jo:Matt's just dropping that I'm writing a book on the book. We haven't told anybody that. Okay. But, you can Go ahead fill them in.
Matt:Fill them in, I mean it's not written yet.
Jo:Yeah, the only thing that I've been told is to write a book.
Matt:Yeah, and I've been working on it. Lots of people respond Well. I've always wanted to write a children's book. Yeah.
Jo:Which is like, okay, we have. That's a really common response that we have learned since I started working on this, because people have been asking what I've been spending a lot of my days doing and I'm like oh, I've been writing. And the response through and through I would say like like way more than you would think, like three out of five, yeah. And then at some point in time people respond with oh, I want to write a children's book and I think that's awesome, I don't have a problem with it, but I am absolutely floored by how many times I've heard people say it.
Matt:Well, it'd be like if I was like I got this new motorcycle and you were like I've always wanted to get an RV Always.
Jo:But not really. That's not true. I don't think it's that different.
Matt:Is it not?
Jo:I mean, okay, writing a book and writing a children's book, I've always wanted to get a mountain bike.
Matt:I've had my eyes on this tricycle for just years now.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Is that a better comparison?
Jo:Better. But it still makes more sense to me because it's something, so it's not common. So to me it would be a lot like if oh, I don't know, I don't know, I have no example for you. I've been trying to think of something.
Matt:I'm telling people you're starting a Michelin star restaurant and someone's like I have always wanted to design a flavor of chips.
Jo:You're okay, I don't know.
Speaker 3:I'm trying.
Jo:You're making it sound like a children's book, Like in every single example. You're making it sound like children's book to adult book is like Michelin star to Doritos and that's not a good comparison. I don't think.
Matt:I think it's in terms of like volume alone.
Jo:Yeah, but I don't think that one's easier than the other.
Matt:I think there's different. No, like a good children's book, you have to be very concise and have a good message.
Jo:Right.
Matt:But they're not the same thing at all. No, they're not, but I a good flavor of chips is delicious and you're going to make probably more money stuff.
Jo:I understand what you're attempting to say, but I don't think any of it's carry.
Matt:Got it Okay, I was really surprised.
Jo:That sounds like a lot of things are going for me. I was surprised so many people responded with that they'd always thought of writing a children's book, because I have never in my life had the thought that I wanted to write a children's book.
Matt:Yeah, To me I feel like people want to write a children's book because they think it's easier.
Jo:Yeah, that makes sense. Even if it's not easier, I think it's less like you have less to produce. It's less intimidating.
Matt:Yeah, I feel like I can't write a few hundred pages, but I can write 12 pages.
Jo:A children's book seems way harder to me.
Matt:Why is that?
Jo:Because I can easily criticize an already written children's book, but from scratch to write it's kind of like making content.
Matt:Okay.
Jo:It seems really easy once you watch somebody's finished product. Okay, I could make content, I could make a TikTok.
Matt:Yeah, and I always you might be able to make one TikTok.
Jo:I always ask people have you tried? And then watching them try to film things and I'm not arguing. It's the hardest job in the world. I'm not arguing anything like that, but it's interesting then watching them try to do it. I think that would be me with a children's book. I think I would be flailing.
Speaker 4:Really.
Jo:Yes.
Matt:Interesting.
Jo:I think that would be really hard for me.
Matt:I feel like you could just tell one story, like one little story.
Jo:I know, but I would get really absorbed into wanting it to say some big message. And I don't know.
Matt:Okay, okay, interesting.
Jo:Anyway, yeah, that's happened a lot, though. Yeah, anytime I've said that I've been spending a lot of our time right now writing, it's been I've always thought about writing a children's book. I think that's cool. I hope that a lot of people do it.
Matt:Yeah, I think there's a lot of children's books out there and kids read a lot of books.
Jo:They do read a lot of books and I feel like there's a lot of room in the children's book space for some diversity to be added and some new stories to be told.
Matt:New ideas. Yeah, that's true. It's always nice to see like a new one pop up.
Jo:Yeah, so anyway, why did that come up?
Matt:I don't know, why does anything come up on the podcast? I think it just we kind of talked for a while and things fall out.
Jo:I've been purposefully not telling anybody that I'm working on a book.
Matt:Oh.
Jo:Oops, so now I feel really outed.
Matt:Oh well, we can just cut it.
Jo:No, it's okay, I am really. It's something I'm really nervous about. Oh, and it's something. Normally with the things I say I'm gonna do, I put them out there and I say them out loud in order to make it come to fruition. Not so much. I know that that's considered manifesting and how manifesting I think works, but it's not so much in a manifesting kind of way, it's more in accountability.
Matt:Pure pressure way.
Jo:Not even maybe a little bit, but-.
Matt:That's how I use it.
Jo:I use it more like once I've told somebody I'm doing it. I'm like oh, I told them I'm doing that, so I need to finish it.
Matt:It's real. They're gonna expect it to see it at some point.
Jo:Well, it makes it real to me. I don't necessarily feel the pressure of them following up about it. It makes it more real to me as well.
Matt:Sure. It makes it like an established goal.
Jo:And so I don't know. It's one of those things that I feel like so many things I've said I wanted to do, I have failed along the way and it hasn't come to fruition, or a lot of things have really long lead time processes or big investments, and I'm learning that kind of moving into this end of things where we're trying to kind of figure out what businesses we'd like to proceed with and what we have to offer as people. Stuff takes a lot longer to come to fruition than I could have ever imagined and I don't want to be the person that's like oh, I'm working on something for years and I know that with a book and stuff, even if I absolutely rock what I've been working on and it goes really well.
Jo:We're what? Two years?
Matt:Oh yeah, that's true. People don't realize that to have a published book, even once you've written the whole book, it's a year plus.
Jo:It's yeah.
Matt:Until anyone gets it.
Jo:Yeah, it's a whole process.
Speaker 4:It's wild.
Jo:I don't know much about it. I'm definitely at the very.
Matt:All this to say don't expect a book soon, but it's something that it's a project.
Jo:you Maybe don't expect a book at all. That feels stressful.
Matt:It's a project you want to work on.
Jo:Yeah, for fun For me.
Matt:For you.
Jo:I don't know, I'm not much of a writer.
Matt:I'm your ghost writer.
Jo:Matt's a fantastic writer Truly. I mean maybe a legend of his time. If he actually spent time writing. You're really good.
Matt:I can write a little bit, a little bit. We'll see how much I can really write, because maybe I can only do a few good sentences and I don't know. I'm going to keep using the same ones over and over.
Jo:Yeah Well, what's on your mind this week?
Matt:Oh, what is on my mind? That's a great question. I feel like I've been bouncing all over the place, but I haven't gotten anywhere.
Jo:Matt and I have established something new in our relationship this week.
Matt:Oh yeah.
Jo:I think this week.
Matt:Yeah, I think so.
Jo:Okay and I'm really liking it. It wasn't like a super thought out thing it happened. I think we were kind of Were, we arguing.
Speaker 3:I'm sure.
Jo:We were arguing with each other and I don't remember about what, and we were yelling at each other in the shower. No, I'm just kidding.
Matt:I think we were. No, I do think we were talking.
Speaker 3:We were yelling at each other.
Jo:No, but we were talking and Matt kept telling me what he doesn't want me to do or what he doesn't like. What I didn't like and I finally looked at him and I said, okay, but what do you like? And then he responded with something he didn't like and I said no, no, no, no. I don't want to know what you don't like or what you didn't want. I don't remember what it was.
Jo:I want to hear from you. I want this or I like this or this is my idea to contribute, because I was just tired of hearing about like putting ideas out and getting shot down.
Matt:You wanted me to move the conversation forward, matt. So much.
Jo:That really latched onto it, not in a bad, that sounded negative. I didn't mean it that way, but, like, really took to heart what I said of I didn't want to hear what he didn't want and has now started realizing. And me too, I didn't realize how often 95% of what Matt communicates to me Would you?
Matt:say it's up there, it's probably close, so I don't talk anymore. I don't, I don't get to talk anymore, because all I say is like oh, I don't like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Matt:I'm not interested in that option. Yeah, so now I'm having to work on knowing what I'm thinking and feeling.
Jo:It's really good, though. No, it is good, it was really good, because you did.
Matt:You were like hey, I'm not interested anymore in hearing what you don't want. You're going to have to tell me what you do want or communicate something in the affirmative. To like this just doesn't work long term. So yeah. Like I said, I don't talk anymore, but one day I will talk again and it will be positive.
Jo:It's not about it being positive at all.
Matt:No, I know it's not about positive, but like it will progress.
Jo:Yes, the conversation. I hear what you're saying.
Matt:Because saying you don't want something is just kind of like a try again.
Jo:I'm interested to see how it progresses as we continue to utilize that thought.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:So, like, do you think that you just are not going to talk, or do you think that you're going to start voicing things you do want?
Matt:I think it really just forces me to think more about what I expect out of a situation, not just what I'm not enjoying. There's still a time and a place to say, oh, I don't like that. The point was definitely that if we want a conversation to go somewhere, we're going to have to both contribute ideas.
Jo:Right.
Matt:Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it's going to look like going forward, but it has been a good cue for me to look at what I'm communicating or not communicating.
Jo:I'm trying to think of how to word this. I don't like it when the only communication from somebody else is knocking down ideas. It's that whole conversation of trying to pick somewhere to eat. Yeah, sure that makes sense, like it goes back to that same, not that not that, not that, not that.
Matt:But at no point you can get five options in and somebody will be like, no, I don't really care, not the five things you put out there. Right, try again for six.
Jo:Right. Yeah, no, that happens, I'm guilty of that and I definitely grew up. I think that's really common.
Matt:No, I think that a lot of people that's just, I think, how they operate, not that it's constructive, it's just that it's kind of a default mode for a lot of people.
Jo:And I like the. There's a TikTok that's gone big, where the guys well, I don't think it was probably on Twitter first and before that on Reddit, who knows. But where you get in, you're like guess where I'm taking you for dinner? And then they're like ooh, I'm like no, you have to guess. And whatever they say is where they take them. And that's like the hack and I genuinely am like that's not a bad call.
Speaker 3:No.
Jo:Because it makes people say like what they do want.
Matt:That only I mean. As long as it doesn't require like a reservation, it's going to be tricky.
Jo:That's true. I guess that's the move, Then you have to go, no guess again. Where have I ever?
Matt:Fast casual.
Jo:Well, I don't think that they're getting a minute like fancy outfit and then being like guess where I'm taking you. Maybe you don't know. You know what?
Matt:You don't provide the critique of like, hey, maybe don't swing too high for this, you know, I don't know.
Jo:Matt, always keeping us in check.
Matt:Yeah, but I have to. That's the negative thinking there.
Jo:Matt's like go ahead, make sure the expectations stay low. Buddy, I will not be.
Matt:Keep that bar on the ground and you can always fall over it.
Jo:You can stumble right over it. If the bar's in hell, yeah, yeah you can, yeah, if you bury it.
Matt:Actually, just being above ground makes it possible Life hack.
Jo:On a scale of one to 10,. How satisfied are you with the life that you've built with this life?
Matt:hack. I mean a solid two and a half.
Jo:Ooh, that's pretty good. Yeah, it could always get worse. That means you're. I was telling Matt the other night that's an F minus. Well, Matt and I have been talking about rating.
Matt:Rating.
Jo:Okay, I understand when you ask somebody to rate themselves. If I say I'm a six and a half, in my mind that says that I think I am more attractive than 65% of people.
Matt:Yeah, I think that's a great way to use that number system.
Jo:Yeah, that's how I think about it.
Matt:Yeah, like a seven's really good.
Jo:Yeah, I think I'm. If I'm a seven, I think I'm more attractive than 70% of people.
Matt:So there's 30% people out there that might edge you out, or hotter than me, yeah. Yeah, no, I think that's the correct way to use that. I hadn't thought of that conceptually before.
Jo:I thought that that's how everybody was using it.
Matt:No, I think people just go vibes and if people have just positive self-thought, they're like I'm a nine, I don't know.
Jo:I'm an eight Well, but I feel like I have pretty positive self-thought, Sure you do. I thought giving myself a six and a half. I was like You're just using a very rigid rating system, and I like it.
Matt:I think it's a good system. I think it needs to be wider used, but it's not a way I'd thought of it before, and so I like the visualization.
Jo:Everything in my head's a visual.
Matt:Really Okay.
Jo:I hear words in my head, but I can, like you, know, when they tell you to visualize a horse in your head and then you have to pick from all the bubbles to see how much detail you can see on your horse.
Matt:Okay, I don't really know this. Have you ever done that test?
Jo:No, Okay, there's this test. It's a black stallion, I believe, if I remember correctly, and it goes from you can't visualize the black stallion at all to being like picture quality black stallion in your head. Where do you fall?
Matt:Probably somewhere in like, not very pictured.
Jo:Oh, really, what is going on in your head?
Matt:I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what's going on in my head.
Jo:That's part of the problem. I have like picture. If I close my eyes, I can play a movie in my head.
Matt:No, no, I can't do that either.
Jo:What? Yeah, I don't have clear images very often. Okay, so for those of you that don't know, Matt does not have an inner monologue, which?
Matt:is not uncommon. I think that's like 60, 40. Yeah, I think it's somewhere in there 60, 40, 70, 30, something like that.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:And it basically means that when you think, you don't process it through, I think, the auditory or the verbal part of your brain. So a lot of people have an inner monologue and what it is is your thoughts process through the part of your brain that is doing words, and so there's a voice in your head that you basically communicate with right. Mm-hmm, am I understanding that correctly?
Matt:Kind of Communicate with feels like, okay, that might be, you might be verging on, like thought, like voices in your head, which is different and not necessarily common or it's like you have a narrator yes, but it's not like it's you and the narrator. The narrator is you. You are the narrator, yeah, but it is Some people. It is a separate voice from their own right.
Jo:Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I've never thought about like Whose voice it is, or what voice. No, the voice doesn't have.
Matt:A persona.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Okay, an identity. No, got it. Okay, because it is you. Anyway, I don't have that Like, I don't process it through that part of my brain, and so it's much more. It can be Like you're imagining that it's pictures. I guess that, like I'm just seeing, that's what you told me. Well, it's not.
Jo:You told me that I didn't ask any follow-up questions.
Matt:Like how clear are the pictures?
Jo:I just thought you had a silent movie.
Matt:No, again, like it's almost, I can act out scenarios or if I need to hear words.
Jo:Now I'm envisioning I have to like talk out loud.
Matt:I can talk out loud to myself of my thoughts.
Jo:Now I'm envisioning that your head is just like really, really basic shape, animation, like it's like a claymation, yeah, but like 2D.
Matt:Not claymation, like South Park. Yeah, like South Park, but even more basic, like rudimentary, like if Gardner made South Park yes.
Jo:And it's just shapes and stuff together, like the way her leg goes put together, and she says that it's a horse. That's what's going on in your head.
Matt:to me, no, I don't know Like it's For me. I don't know. I'm just bypassing, like all of the parts where you process anything and your thoughts are just shot in there.
Jo:You know, I just don't believe you, I don't know what to tell you. I at some level. I think that Matt just was like raised in America and got to do the man thing where he was just so checked out for so long that he's never like used his brain muscles. That's what I think.
Matt:He's gotten to 31 years old. He hasn't had to think once no, never does.
Jo:I genuinely like. I have a little bit of that belief in me and I hate that.
Matt:He's never had to be introspective.
Jo:I want to be supportive, but I genuinely Just that part is that's totally possible as a man A hundred percent.
Speaker 3:You can just be like oh no, I never look at myself.
Matt:Yeah, I actually don't have to. It's always external.
Jo:A hundred percent.
Matt:That's not how I feel, just to be clear, but that is very possible. Oh oh okay.
Jo:I don't know Anyone watching this podcast, just I don't know, I no, I don't think that, I don't actually think that.
Matt:I was gonna say I blame myself for everything.
Jo:But it's not about. That's not what I mean. But if I ask you like, what am I thinking? Yeah, you say you blame yourself for everything. What do you blame yourself for?
Matt:Everything. If you go, everything you can, just what's everything? You don't have to think about it Exactly.
Jo:I think that's my point is yes, you have a negative spin on it. Like you're not arrogant, you're not like a pompous jerk, but do you know what I'm saying? You still, you're still not doing a whole lot of you just took like the self-hatred route instead of the People don't listen to my life hacks.
Matt:They're bad. I have bad life hacks.
Jo:I'm trying to unlearn most of my life hacks, I feel like you are just one of the more detached people I've met.
Matt:Yeah, that is true, you didn't used to be though. Okay.
Jo:I don't think that's. I don't think you've always been that way, and that's why it's been really interesting, as we've been talking through a lot of these things and I don't like talking through the inner monologue and talking through feelings and through therapy it's been fascinating just to see how quickly you accept a new version of yourself.
Matt:Yeah, I think part of that is really not being good at looking forward or looking backwards. I agree, just being like where I am right now is where I have always been and where I will always be. And right now, like living in the moment, is not difficult for me. I don't. And it's beautiful, like I can't do either way.
Jo:And there's something really beautiful about that.
Matt:It works great in yoga. I'll tell you that.
Jo:It works great in yoga and it works great in a lot of ways in day to day life, and I take a lot of lessons from you in the way that you're able to be so incredibly present.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:But I definitely see where the cons are too, which anybody, no matter how you are, they're pros and cons. We each have gifts and we each have not.
Matt:so upside, you only live in the present. You definitely need timers.
Jo:Well, and it's interesting because you and I are really polar opposite in that way because I'm so stuck in the past and the future, I've had to really, really, really hone in on enjoying the present.
Matt:You kind of avoid the present. I feel like.
Jo:Entirely Not. I don't feel like I'm still there. Do you feel like I still do that?
Matt:No, no, no, you do much better, but for a long time you were never looking at where you were.
Speaker 4:No.
Matt:You were like, oh, the next thing I'm going to do is this, and then after that, I'm going to go here, and then I don't know what I'm going to do next, but it's either going to be this or this. And every time you got to the next step, it was like okay, the next thing I'm going to do is that.
Jo:And I think I rebelled a little too hard and in the last year or so I've been so present, focused, that I haven't had a future, anything you kind of refused to look at the next? Yeah Well, because what I thought was going to happen is if I wasn't looking forward that somebody around me would pick up the slack like Gardner hasn't done a damn thing. No, I didn't. When I said someone, I didn't mean inherently you but, genuinely, I think that I had this idea of well, everybody else, their ball keeps rolling.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:You know so.
Matt:Yeah, it's because you keep pushing it.
Jo:Yeah, and I don't think I genuinely didn't realize how much of that I was doing.
Matt:Well, yeah, I think people have a much higher tolerance for their ball not moving.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Than you do I hate it.
Jo:You're like wait a second.
Matt:The ball's not moving. What the hell are we doing?
Jo:here Like this is boring yeah.
Matt:Whereas I'm like sometimes the ball doesn't move. I don't know.
Jo:Matt's like the ball's moving. Everybody panic.
Matt:Slow the ball down, guys. We're using so many metaphors. I hope this makes sense to anyone who's not us. I apologize if we've gone on for 20 minutes and they're like what? In the hell is going on in their heads.
Jo:It's the worst episode of all time because it's just us riffing about who knows what.
Matt:I always had that fear that, like, if we release a clip, people are going to be like, oh, is the whole thing about that? And sometimes it's like the clip isn't related at all to the episode and they're going to listen to like what the hell was that?
Jo:Do you think that the majority of clips on podcasts, that the entire episodes about what the clip is about?
Matt:You're talking to the wrong guy, but I think You're the podcast listener. Yeah, I think when you, I don't get that many clips.
Jo:I get all kinds of clips. I don't listen to any of the podcast unless they're comedy.
Matt:I feel like mainly the clips are jokes a lot of times that I get and so. But if you get like a really funny clip, I do think you kind of imagine the whole thing is like a comedy podcast.
Jo:That makes sense.
Matt:And I don't think we're fulfilling the comedy podcast. Sometimes, we're funny. People tell us they laugh when they listen to it.
Jo:People DM me all the time and say we're so funny and I we must be the butt of the joke on that one.
Matt:We have to be, we have, you have to be laughing at us sometimes.
Jo:All right, greg's reads of the week.
Matt:Greg's, your dad.
Jo:Greg's my dad.
Matt:He reads a lot of articles.
Jo:Lots of articles.
Matt:And he sends them to us. And so maybe you have someone in your life that sends you articles, but we don't always read them. You read quite a few of them. I read most of them. But on the podcast we just take the headlines and then rate them on a scale of one to five how much anxiety they give us because he reads a lot. But he reads a lot of things that we wouldn't read, mainly cause sometimes they scare us.
Jo:Yes.
Matt:But here we are, greg's reads of the week.
Jo:Who's surprised to hear that the first article starts with the word retirement?
Matt:I don't, I'm not surprised at all.
Jo:Retirement goal expectations versus reality how Americans stack up. I think that's funny because he sent it to my sisters in you and but we're all almost retirement age. It gives me a little bit of anxiety.
Matt:Two, just two out of five.
Jo:Yeah, because I feel like retirement in America is sad.
Matt:Can be for sure.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Unless you have just a boatload of money.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:But that's mostly. Yeah, that's how it goes for a lot of things, I mean we're not going to retire somewhere else unless we move. We either need to get busy moving or get busy trying to retire in America, Get busy yeah. I don't really know how to compare it to other countries or why I would.
Jo:I'd say a two out of five for me.
Matt:Okay, Retirement just gives you one point bump, I think to be honest, Does it get what's your I? Think two out of five fits Okay. Again, like I said, I'm not retiring somewhere else that I know of at this point, so I don't know how to compare it and I don't know if it values for me, these are all.
Jo:so here's how much of your income you should invest is a good start. Here's how much of your income you should invest as a good start. Good start has bunny ears around it.
Matt:Quotation marks. Bunny ears, are you about to find out how much you should do and how much anxiety? I don't know. A four, what?
Jo:Oh, anxiety. Four out of five for anxiety.
Matt:I mean, let's be honest, it's nothing. Like one of those article titles would be like well, I'm clearly not doing enough, or you think you're doing enough and it turns out you're just doing half. You have a good start. There's a lot more you can do. It's 10%, 10%.
Jo:But the thing is.
Matt:I don't. That's a chunk.
Jo:Yeah, it's 10% fine, but I sit and I do the math and I'm like I don't understand how anybody's I don't know. Anyway, that's why that it's a good start. A good start is starting. And that article gives me a five out of five anxiety. The headline didn't, but the article itself gave me five out of five anxiety.
Matt:So trigger warning that article is scary, I guess.
Jo:I don't know. All right, forget going for a run. Sitting in a hot tub can bring the same health benefit, steady says.
Matt:I saw that article title. It gives me no anxiety. I don't believe it, but if it's true I mean we should buy a hot tub.
Speaker 3:Well.
Matt:We've been flirting with the idea of a hot tub anyway, not seriously, but we went to Washington and they had a hot tub and it was nice.
Jo:We were in Oregon. We were not in Washington. We were close enough.
Matt:Same difference, not the same difference. Sorry, I forgot.
Jo:We weren't even close to Washington. We were in central Oregon.
Matt:Well, that's closer than Arkansas.
Jo:You're not wrong, this doesn't give me any anxiety, but I don't like articles with headlines like this, because it's kind of that same thing of like a glass of wine a day is good for you, and then they take this like one. I don't have a problem with them saying that Like a single statistic where you know.
Matt:Yeah, wine is as good for you as water.
Jo:Right, I'm not into headlines like that. They irritate me.
Matt:Yeah, because they're like well, if you're looking at this one heart marker, drinking a glass of wine, as as good as drinking water or better than but, then it's like well, but if you replace all of your water with wine, you're going to have real problems with your body.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:I have to imagine you can't replace running with hot tubbing.
Jo:Right. Well, you can replace the improved blood flow part of running with a hot tub.
Matt:But I don't think your cardiovascular activity is going up when you get in the hot tub.
Jo:The hot tub does not help your fitness level?
Matt:That would be awesome. If it did, though, they would sell hot tubs everywhere.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:There would be nowhere you would go that didn't have a hot tub.
Jo:I really do want a hot tub. I want to redo, well, redo. I want to do the patio off of our bedroom. We have doors that lead to a pile of dirt right now. So the world is our oyster.
Matt:That's true, blank canvas. I want a hot tub because I'm looking to get shredded.
Jo:Oh, you're just going to start soaking in a hot tub till you shrivel up into abs.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, if you don't eat in your hot tub every day you'll get fit. Okay, I don't know what I'm imagining.
Jo:the article says Last article the 15 minute city is a climate solution if it can get past the conspiracy theories.
Matt:Oh no, I guess that's another four out of five. It might be a five out of five with conspiracy theories thrown in there, but I'm confused enough. It's only a four out of five for me.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Three out of five. Can you explain to me the 15 minute city? A 15 minute city.
Jo:I read this. I was kind of looking again to, but it's about having everything within 15 minutes, so it's an easy commute to get to everything that you need to do and like things being very walk walk friendly and not needing a vehicle and things like that, and they find that people are more satisfied and happier in communities like that.
Matt:I'm sure it's because you're not spending all of your time in a car going to your job or going to right whatever you need to get to, it's because you get to spend your life living your life.
Jo:Correct.
Matt:What's the conspiracy theory?
Jo:I don't know, I don't remember. That's what I was trying to flip through and see they're plotting yeah. I give that like a two and a half out of five for me Got it. I don't think it's extreme anxiety, but definitely a little bit. It's not a zero.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:Dad, I want more like butterfly and flower articles.
Matt:You know, I don't know, I think these articles are good for content.
Jo:Oh man, okay, good job, dad. It really came through on your part. What's the word of the week?
Matt:Word of the week. Word of the week. Word of the week. Word of the week. You sing the song. Word of the week, then we're going to start going from your books, right we?
Jo:put it all together. We put it around and see what's inside. I'm going to keep singing until you know I'm not. No, what we were going to start was a bit where I told you about the strangest chapter or concept that was in one of my books that week, but then you've never brought it up again, so I let it go because it felt weird to force that as a bit when you didn't seem that interested in that.
Matt:Got it, got it. I've got a word. Okay, chimerical.
Jo:Chimerical or miracle Chimerical Chimerical.
Matt:Chimerical, chimerical Chimerical.
Jo:Chimerical, chimerical, chimerical, chimerical, chimerical, chimerical, chimerical. It's a little.
Matt:British on here, but it's an accident. Yeah, chimerical, chimerical.
Jo:Okay.
Matt:You got a guess.
Jo:Absolutely not. Do you want me to throw one out there? A miracle as performed by Kylie Kedich.
Matt:Oh wow, that would be a very specific word. No, the adjective chimerical describes something that is wildly fanciful or imaginative, like the chimerical illustrations of magical creatures in a children's book.
Jo:I honestly. It's based on the word chimera. I don't know the word chimera.
Matt:That's the Greek monster that has three different heads.
Jo:Okay, I thought that when you said it.
Matt:You have to have read books that have chimeras in them.
Jo:I do or I have, but when you say the chimera, I wasn't thinking of a noun. I thought you were saying chimera as a verb or like a adjective, I don't know.
Speaker 4:I don't know that.
Jo:I do think that I will remember that well, because it does make me think of Kylie and her amazing whimsical Her magical Making over of her home.
Matt:Whimsy, yeah, yeah, shouts to Kylie.
Jo:Shouts to Kylie.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:We love you. Bad dad mean mom.
Matt:Bad dad mean mom what have you messed up this week? What have I messed up? What haven't I messed up this week?
Jo:Honestly same.
Matt:No, hmm, we've been improving in some areas. We've been getting better with food, I feel like.
Jo:We've been doing a good job with meals and we've been doing a good job with schedule. I honestly, you know some weeks we're really down on ourselves. This week I'd like to give us.
Matt:We're moving up, we're not. We haven't crushed it, but we haven't dropped the ball severely on anything.
Jo:I feel like we've been pretty good parents. They had a play date.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:They've gotten to hang out with friends. We went to the pumpkin patch, like we're kind of slaying the game.
Matt:The baby is getting more mobile and he is falling over more.
Jo:He's getting dinged up.
Matt:But I it's age appropriate.
Jo:I feel like that's strong. I feel like he's just bonking. It's pretty normal.
Matt:Yeah, I mean, I wasn't saying anything more like severe he's taken some chances. Yeah.
Jo:He's, he's pulling up, he's doing his thing, he's gambling man, he's he's taking risks. It's fun. He's not afraid.
Speaker 3:He's not afraid.
Matt:G was never, was always afraid, kind of yeah, she was very cautious. It wasn't even. It was just like she had a very good sense of like I don't even want to try. I mean she wasn't like super scared.
Jo:No.
Matt:She just had a very good sense of like this is what I can do. Well, and I don't know so much about that and I'm not even going to try it.
Jo:And she's still that way.
Matt:Yeah, she gets from her dad.
Jo:Like if she's going to do something, she's going to do it and do it well, otherwise she's not interested.
Matt:Yes, yeah. She gets that from her dad. It's very not.
Jo:It's been really interesting as a parent watching, because it's like if I accidentally talk any kind of hesitancy into her she's out yeah. And she doesn't feel like I'm confident in her, she's out, and so that's been really eye opening to me of really needing to be on and being confident and supportive.
Matt:Yeah, it's been really important too to not like not stop her and warn her of the dangers of things, because she seems pretty aware of most of that already. She tries to be pretty careful and if you do that, it can a lot of times stop her from participating 100%. So, it's very much like show up supporter. If you think something's unsafe, you can kind of act in a way that helps protect against it. But it's better not to like voice it.
Jo:Well, I don't tell her about what about it?
Matt:It could be unsafe and unless I think she's actually an imminent danger. Yes, yeah, if she's sticking forks in an outlet, you got to go.
Jo:No, We'll step in. But if it's something that we're going to just take a tumble or we could bonk, I very much let her do it. But I do ask her often do you feel safe?
Matt:Yes, Like often she'll say no. The number of times we've asked her if she feels safe or if that feels like something safe to do with her body, and she goes no. No, and then like sort of proceeds. Anyway, you're like, okay, you're evaluating the situation correctly, you're acting against it. But okay, we'll see where this goes.
Jo:But it also takes some learning your body and learning to trust your body. I think that's a very normal toddler thing and being able to, I don't know.
Matt:No, it's interesting. I find it interesting, yeah, and there's days it works and days it doesn't. Yeah, we just roll with it.
Jo:Vo-vo-vo-vo voicemail Voicemail oh, I think that was good.
Matt:I don't know.
Jo:All right.
Matt:Should we clip that? Put it in every time?
Jo:Voicemail number one Hi, jo and Matt, my name is.
Speaker 3:Chris Lee, I'm from New York. I just wanted to say I've been following you guys for a while and I finally came across your podcast and I really enjoy how pure and honest you guys are about life and how hard it can be. I'm only a freshman in college, so like who knows where my life can go right now. But besides that, I wanted to know what you guys think is the best way to know when to help versus when to not overstep when it comes to helping loved ones after having a newborn. I know you guys have mentioned this multiple times so I'm sorry if it's repetitive, but both my sisters they're pregnant right now. One of them is due this December and the other one's due in February and I truly just want to help them in the best way that I can, but I just don't want them to feel like I'm overbearing sometimes, so I really just want to show my love. So if you guys have any tips or things that you wish would have been done for you, I'd appreciate it. Thanks.
Jo:Do the laundry, do the dishes.
Matt:You're a college freshman and you think of this stuff. I'm way more thoughtful than I ever was at 19. Prostate you, yeah.
Jo:I mean same, because my sisters had babies when I was that age and I was not.
Matt:You weren't like. What do I do to support them?
Jo:Well, they also didn't live where I lived.
Matt:No, it was not again, the very sweet of you.
Jo:Yeah, no, I think that's fantastic. Yeah, yeah, laundry and dishes and meals. And if you are in their kitchen and utilizing their kitchen to make a meal, making sure that you clean and leave everything as it was.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:Honestly, it's so much less about the baby and so much more about picking up all of the slack through other executive function and tasks that they have.
Matt:They have that oh my goodness, yeah, supporting the parents, not the child, because the parents are working to support the child and, realistically, the child's needs are very limited. Food and sleep are the biggest things.
Jo:Well, I think the thing that people don't get right is yes, having a new baby is hard, but having a new baby is hard because you're trying to have a new baby and proceed with your day to day function. So if you have a village that can step in and help your day to day living, proceed without a hitch. So have your laundry done and put away, have your meals cooked and put out for you, have your dishes done, have your house cleaned. It makes having a newborn way easier because you don't have to focus on all of that other stuff operating in your household and you can put all of your heart and your mind power into your new baby.
Matt:Yeah, I think it's something again, and as to not overstep, Because everybody's different.
Jo:Some people may want you to hold the baby so that they can do the laundry.
Matt:Yeah, some people get like feel good doing the normal things. You're someone who doesn't like to do those things to begin with, and so when you have a baby it becomes harder, and so it may be more of a communication with the people you're dealing with going. Hey, I wanna help you. My thought is I'm gonna do this Sometimes just communicating that stuff beforehand of going, like, but food, food's a huge one that almost always plays because people need to eat and a kid can get in the way of that.
Jo:But never asking what they want.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:I know that that sounds counterintuitive, but not an open-ended question. I think a really good way to go about it, if you wanna make sure that they know that they can ask for something is to say, hey, I was planning on coming over on Thursday afternoon. I can come over and be in charge of cleaning the kitchen and getting your dishwasher unloaded. I can be in charge of running a few loads of laundry and washing your sheets and remaking your bed, or if there's a third something instead that you have in front of mind, let me know and I can do that instead.
Jo:Yeah, if there's something that would be more helpful to you, Right but already kind of doing that mental labor of tasks so that they can just go. Oh, actually, having you wash our sheets and having clean sheets on the bed sounds spectacular.
Matt:Yeah. You know, yeah, that's a really good point. Just have something in mind that you want to do or wanna help with, and usually the best method is to make sure that that's not like I'll come hold the baby.
Jo:It's help them with making sure their house operates, and it's not that you can't take part and hold the baby. That's great to know. No, that won't happen while you're there, though, right.
Matt:As long as it's not like they're not letting anyone hold the baby, there will be a moment where that can happen.
Jo:I agree.
Matt:Especially if you help them do all their laundry.
Jo:I agree, so All right.
Matt:Again, good on you for just.
Jo:Congratulations, Anty.
Speaker 4:Hey, jordan man, I'm a big fan of the podcast and I really like the feedback that you guys give. I know you guys do a lot of traveling with the kiddos and that's what my question is in regards to. Next fall, our daughter will be a year and a half and our family typically takes a trip to North Carolina. That being said, we live in Wisconsin, we drive to North Carolina, we do one stop at about like anywhere between 9 and 11 PM and then sleep until like six or seven. So it's typically like a 24 hour road trip, like straight through, but it ends up being more like a day and a half, and I guess my question is would you guys ever travel that far?
Speaker 4:I know you guys did like some travel when G was that age, but I think it was only like eight hours maybe. So I guess just tips, tricks, what you guys would recommend. We're just trying to figure out if that drive is going to be feasible with an 18 month old or if our little family is better off just flying and meeting the family in North Carolina for the beach trip. So any tips or anything like that would be appreciated. Thanks, guys.
Jo:Fly.
Matt:Yeah, it's a good question, though I mean, I think there's several logistic, things that go into that.
Jo:Yeah, but fly. That's a long trip I'm gonna go into a longer answer but fly.
Matt:Yeah, flying is where we would lean. Anything past 12 to 14 hours, yeah. Or if you can have a single connection, that's not bad Cause. Who knows if, wherever they're flying in North Carolina because, again, your flight, your airport options are usually limited they're going to a specific place.
Jo:I was gonna ask if she was from Minnesota, because as soon as she said kiddos, I was like oh, Minnesota.
Matt:The voice sounds like that, sounds like people from home.
Jo:Yeah, but then it wasn't Minnesota, it was close enough yeah the detailed answer.
Matt:I guess logistically we've had a lot more success driving at night, but that's cause I think we're more inclined to drive at night. But with a drive that long that's not going to be an option, cause you're going to have to stop somewhere and then your kid's going to be awake when you want to sleep.
Jo:Yeah, that would be the feedback that I'll give, unless your kid is a really good sleeper when their schedule's disturbed. I think that's the main reason I would pick flying. Matt and I did a 12 hour road trip with G when she was about that age, but we could get it all like for me. I draw the line at having to stay the night somewhere and then get up and drive further.
Matt:Yeah, because that usually the wherever you stay, it can go poorly. It can go really poorly. Having a kid in the hotel and trying to get them to sleep, like in a totally new environment totally different, sounds like it just depends on a lot. You're rolling the dice for sure. Your rest may be very limited.
Jo:And I just feel like flying, even when it's gone super poorly. When it's done, it's done.
Matt:Yeah, the tough part of flying is your stuff. Yeah, you have to get really. So if you have family that does drive, that is nearby you, that can take some of your stuff, that definitely kicks it over to flying. If they can take your pack and play and a bunch of the things that you're gonna want there.
Jo:I feel like with one child, though by 18 months. We weren't flying at 18 months with G because I was very pregnant when she was 18 months old. But when that age you don't need as much anymore, they're really transitioning into toddlerhood.
Matt:True.
Jo:And so you know.
Matt:That's a very doable age. We always say the hardest time to fly with your kid is probably about 10 months.
Jo:I think between 10 and 12.
Matt:10 to 14 probably.
Jo:Yeah, 10 to 14 was the hardest for us.
Matt:Yeah, because all of a sudden they are very involved and they need to be entertained and they need to be, but they can't communicate as well what they need younger than that. You can just kind of feed them. You can just shovel food into them for as long as you travel, and they're usually happy with that, or they'll sleep.
Jo:At least in our experience. Again, our kids don't mind their car seats, but we stop every three to four hours. Yeah, yeah, exactly Not for a long time, but we get them out.
Matt:Well, we get gas, Usually for at least four or five hours. We need to get gas.
Jo:I think the main thing is that if you choose to road trip with them, be prepared mentally that it is a much longer trip than what you're used to.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:Because for our normal, like we did Minnesota this year, which is normally for us, what an 11 hour drive, a 10 hour drive 10 and a half yeah. Okay, and I think it took us closer to 13 hours this time when we did it, just because we had to make stops along the way for the kids, and when you do stop it's not. Our gas stops are longer.
Matt:Yeah, you get gas, but then you get out and you walk through the store and you talk and you change diapers and you get rid of trash and like you do the whole thing and you probably stop for food more than you would just the two of you Because a gas station snack's gonna hold you over better than your kids.
Jo:Right.
Matt:Yeah, I don't feel as good feeding my kid gummy worms for dinner as I do myself, so yeah, Matt and I really we played it fast and lose with the road trips, just the two of us.
Matt:Yeah, the food with just the two of us. Well, and again, if we're driving at night, sometimes it's like you can't, there's nowhere to stop and get food, food. But yeah, with just one, especially being under two. So they'll fly. They can be a lap seat for free as long as you have decent fly options, although I do recommend If you can.
Jo:yeah, if you can get them their own seat and take your car seat onto the airplane, yeah, and buckle them into their car seat in their own seat. It's an easier way to travel with your car seat. It means that once you're there, if you have family that's driving, you can put the car seat into a vehicle at the beach and it's just overall easier.
Matt:That is the tricky part too, is getting your kid away from the airport. You always, logistically, you either have to travel with your car seat or you have to get a car seat when you get there.
Jo:Yeah, and renting car seats.
Matt:They're just not very nice car seats typically, but they work, they work. So we've had fine experiences. But but I mean you're talking entry level like the most Expect to take an extra 25 minutes figuring out how to attach them to your car.
Jo:They're typically the most base model car seats that you can get. Yes, yeah.
Matt:But yeah, if you can have someone travel with your stuff, your strollers and whatnot, if you have stuff that way, that's usually nice. But yeah, our recommendation is fly, yeah on that, I would probably lean fly. Pass 14 hours and I always pick drive.
Jo:I feel like I pick drive more than you do.
Matt:You do, you do.
Jo:I like to have the car to have all of our stuff. I don't like to have to think about packing. So I understand that stressor, but that's just too far. It takes the enjoyment out of the trip. When you are like on your way there, you're excited, but then you dread it during the trip that you're gonna have to do it back.
Matt:Yeah, you're gonna have four days of travel, like four full days, because if it's a day and a half with just the two of you, I'd plan on two whole days used up in the travel.
Jo:Right.
Matt:And that's four days of travel, for hopefully it's a long trip, but yeah. Hopefully that was the answer you were looking for.
Jo:Well, it wasn't an answer.
Matt:Yeah, I don't know.
Jo:Guys email. Oh, do you have an email?
Matt:I'm sure we do. Hi, joan, matt, I'm a long time listener and love your podcast. I've been sharing a no-ground as part of my daily routine and I'm listening back to old episodes, and I've been doing that all summer. You guys are really inspiring and seem like such a good people. I hope that's true. Something that I've been thinking about a lot is when Jo said that she is learning to, or that she is teaching G to, cheer on others when it's their turn to play with something, so that she learns to be happy for others' happiness, even if she doesn't have that thing herself. I don't know why that stuck with me, probably because I was an asshole as a kid, and probably as a teenager too. That's fine.
Jo:Age appropriate.
Matt:Many of these things that were like not so great age appropriate. Just remember that I'm like we're supposed to learn and grow, but you don't have to do it all at once. To my question I was wondering about your last names. I'm from Norway and you both have typical Norwegian names. Do you have ancestors from Norway or is it just a funny coincidence? I know a lot of Norwegians emigrated to America in the early 1900s and even before, so a lot of Americans have Norwegian names. If so, I would love to hear more about this and where your family was from. Thanks for a great podcast and sorry for the bad spelling. You did a good job, very readable. I'm German German.
Jo:I'm like very German.
Matt:I'm very Scandinavian Norway.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Yeah, my Netherlands too. My great-great grandparents, I believe are, were like Dutch, like from the Netherlands like spoke Dutch. So yes, yeah, I have very traditionally.
Jo:Do you know from where specifically, specifically there.
Matt:No, I don't. I bet my mom would know.
Jo:Okay, we should learn that.
Matt:That's the information we should have, yeah yeah, my genealogy is very Scandinavian, Northern European.
Jo:I'm very German and then on my dad's side I'm not as familiar with what I am.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:But I don't know. I would love to do the 23 and me Matt got to do it.
Matt:I did People always think. My complexion tends to make people believe that I have more.
Jo:People think you're Latino.
Matt:Latino, or especially being from North Dakota Native.
Jo:American, native American.
Matt:I'm neither. I have a little bit of like very Eastern Europe, like Eastern Bloc countries, and I think that's the only place I get anything that resembles non-European, like central Western Europe.
Jo:I guess you do have dark complexion, like dark hair, dark eyes. I don't know. That's interesting.
Matt:Yeah, but I'm almost completely.
Jo:You're way. Well, we'll see. I'd like to get 23 and me done so that I can see what mine says.
Matt:Yeah, I'm super, super European.
Jo:I wonder where you got your curls.
Matt:I don't know Again. I think there's more, more in the Okay, one more email. One more email, all right, hi, I'm into a voicemail, but English isn't my first language, so sometimes my accent comes out and I don't like it. I bet it sounds awesome though.
Jo:I bet it does.
Matt:I've sent voicemails in the past. I bet it was great. I'm from South America, but I live in North Carolina and I have a son who's almost the same age as G, and I've followed G since this year. We started trying for baby number two and I had a chemical pregnancy immediately followed by a miscarriage at nine weeks, and now I am once again almost 10 weeks pregnant.
Matt:This time, due to the past losses, I'm being much more guarded and told basically nobody except some family and a handful of friends at work. I've had three people ask me straight up if I was pregnant and I have failed to respond accordingly each time I'm not showing yet, so it's basically just random people being nosy. But I just blurted out no, I'm not, even if I actually am, but wish I could react in a better way to tell them to mind their own business without lying. I hate denying this cute kiddo's existence because I fought so hard to get him or her here, but I'm not comfortable sharing it. Any ideas on what to answer so I can have it ready for the next time? Thanks.
Jo:Ooh, that's a good question.
Matt:This is a little wild.
Jo:No problems with just straight up lying yeah it's your business. Yeah, I don't. I don't know, how do you gracefully respond in a way that makes people feel like, oh, I shouldn't have asked that.
Matt:Yeah, I'm sure there is, I'm sure there is gonna be off, put by it.
Jo:I'm sure that there is something along the lines of you know, I don't know. I have a tendency to either lie or be petty.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:That's where my brain wants to go and that's not. I don't wanna make that as a recommendation because I don't think either of those are good things.
Matt:What do you mean by lie or be petty?
Jo:Give us some examples. An example of lying would be saying no, I'm not.
Matt:Yes, which again we advocate, is okay.
Jo:Yeah, I think that that's fine.
Matt:That's an okay thing to do. I'm petty.
Jo:I'm somebody that would be like. Well, I've been pregnant twice this year, but it's not yeah but we've also had two losses, and I would just Straight make them uncomfortable.
Matt:Yeah, because it's not necessarily an appropriate question to ask.
Jo:No, exactly, and so.
Matt:but to me that's petty, it's not, it's not really constructive and with it being not an appropriate question to ask, it's not necessarily on you to make sure that it's okay.
Jo:It is not on you to make other people comfortable. Yes, Um, so I'd say yeah but that's the road I usually like to take is of, you know, making people think and I just genuinely don't know what.
Matt:You could just say, hey, I'm not really comfortable discussing it. I.
Jo:See.
Matt:I don't?
Jo:that makes it sound to me like yeah. Miami responses that somebody then is going to be like, oh well, she's pregnant, but she doesn't want to talk about it, you know sure and then it's the rumor mill, and then everybody's got it. And I don't like that you know what?
Matt:I think I may just lean towards denying it. And then if you get like 10 more weeks down the road and you start to show you go, either you can lie again and say I didn't know at the time, or I would have a tendency To respond with something like if somebody was like are you pregnant?
Jo:I've been like, oh my god, are you saying I'm glowing?
Matt:Like I think you can redirect.
Jo:I think I would probably go that direction.
Matt:I hit it with some humor I like yeah.
Speaker 3:I like that.
Matt:Interesting. You could deny it. Or you, either say you didn't know at the time, or you could say it's been a hard year with that, so I didn't want to put the cart before the horse, kind of deal or my favorite, are you?
Jo:oh my gosh, are you pregnant? Just turn it right back around, yeah are you projecting?
Speaker 3:He's super weird make it yeah, just make your 40 years.
Matt:Not good advice. We're trying to make your middle-aged man.
Jo:Coworker, being like are you pregnant? And you be like, oh my god, are you, are you projecting? Are you pregnant? Oh, no. I hate that. Yeah, that's hard, I don't have a good answer for that, other than I Would probably try and redirect yeah With no answer.
Matt:I don't know. I think I'm back on board was just lying, I know. Just say no.
Jo:I think that that is an appropriate time to, because I don't really think that it's necessarily. I mean, I guess it is technically a lie, but that's a hyper violation?
Matt:No, it's.
Jo:I think of it as Preparing for a surprise, not being secretive. Yeah, does that make sense? Yeah, I don't know.
Matt:That's tough, I hope. I hope that was good advice. I don't know that it was, but that's what we would do.
Jo:We've done better. We've done way better on that note. We'll see you next week? Yeah, we can do it again. We'll catch you next week. Subscribe like Comment doing things stop doing that on here, because the thing is, if I listened back to myself doing that, I would cringe and be mortified that that lives forever on the internet and it does dozens of times.
Matt:Dozens, truly dozens.
Jo:Oh well, I love you guys.
Matt:Yeah appreciate it soon I think I'm gonna try and get a bunch of these up on. We do put it on YouTube, but a lot of people have asked for it on Spotify and when we started the podcast you couldn't just upload the video to Spotify so you can see guys. But you can now, so I need to put a lot of these on Spotify. So, hopefully that will be there soon check it out.