We kick the episode off explaining how living with Matt and our 2019 trip to Italy have derailed my ability to travel plan and set an itinerary, and follow up with progress updates on the quest for more minimalist lives (or at least closets.)
We jump from there to Greg's Reads of the Week, a listener submitted Word of the Week, and a Bad Dad / Mean Mom that is more existential than it is a specific event.
Keep your seatbelts fastened for voicemails and emails this week, there's a couple questions that deal with family drama and pettiness, as well as how to follow your business pursuits and build a community. Pop on your headphones for a heap of candid insights, a healthy dose of laughter, and maybe even a couple of life-improving lessons.
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
We kick the episode off explaining how living with Matt and our 2019 trip to Italy have derailed my ability to travel plan and set an itinerary, and follow up with progress updates on the quest for more minimalist lives (or at least closets.)
We jump from there to Greg's Reads of the Week, a listener submitted Word of the Week, and a Bad Dad / Mean Mom that is more existential than it is a specific event.
Keep your seatbelts fastened for voicemails and emails this week, there's a couple questions that deal with family drama and pettiness, as well as how to follow your business pursuits and build a community. Pop on your headphones for a heap of candid insights, a healthy dose of laughter, and maybe even a couple of life-improving lessons.
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overbys. I'm Jo.
Matt:And I'm Matt.
Jo:And each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails, go in-depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Matt:With that being said, let's get to Oversharing.
Jo:It's crazy that it's already mid-November, it's not?
Matt:It's October, like 95% sure.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Pretty close to sure.
Jo:Halloween happens like what October 7th?
Matt:Yeah, yeah, definitely. If I remember right, it definitely hasn't already happened.
Jo:And we haven't already talked about it. No.
Matt:So we got plenty of time, plenty of time left in the year. Plus this next, like six weeks, goes super slow, if I remember correctly.
Jo:Yeah, you're right, you're right. It's like once Thanksgiving's here, everything just slows way down. It just drags yeah there's so much time. December's always the slowest month of the year. That's what I always say. Oh no, you know what actually is the slowest month of the year?
Matt:August, no, no, february. Yeah, february is the drag, also the shortest month and it makes no sense. Yeah.
Jo:But then all of a sudden it's March and you're like what the hell happened.
Matt:That's true. Yeah, I don't know. I think time's just not real Real.
Jo:It's a vibe.
Matt:Yeah, I can't believe that Thanksgiving's already next week, that's again, you keep saying that and it keeps feeling very not true to me.
Jo:I know, and for everybody listening, next week there will not be an episode because we are traveling and we're going to take the week off for the holiday and we will resume back that first week of December and we'll be here for, I think, three episodes in December and then we're going to take our two week break like we do every year, yeah, social. Yeah, so we won't be posting podcasting that, and then we will resume, starting with the next season in January.
Matt:Doing it all.
Jo:And I'll remind you guys of that in a couple weeks when we are wrapping. But no episode next week, be prepared for that. We are traveling to go see Matt's family. We're going to see grandparents and aunt and uncle and all the cousins, all the cousins, and she's a big cousins fan. Yeah, big fan of cousins and it should be a lot of fun. I really any chance to travel. I like to travel with the kids.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, their playing part is the worst part, but once we get two kids on the plane and get them off the plane, really getting them off the plane- you know once we get there, it'll be good.
Jo:Matt fought me on these flights Well, I shouldn't say fought me. He suggested to me that we do not a nonstop to save some money, and I said absolutely not.
Matt:We also just put it off long enough that we didn't save any money anymore.
Jo:Yeah, I didn't think it was that bad for how long we put it off.
Matt:But no, we booked them this week. Yeah, for transparency purposes.
Jo:Yes, we booked our Thanksgiving flights, so funny thing about being married to Matt, I think, is it's not about you, it's about how I've changed and it's something that I'm trying to pull back on because I didn't realize how much so I used to be a really early planner. So, like I would book my travel six to eight weeks out longer than that.
Matt:No, you would book it like six months out.
Jo:I'd book my flights like six months out. I'd have my hotel booked, I would have my I still don't stand by booking your hotel early.
Jo:I would do like a rough itinerary, a gentle itinerary for where I was going, things I wanted to go do, and you know the trip that really broke me. What Italy, italy did, Italy, yeah, I kept trying to put together an itinerary and get stuff booked when we went to Italy in 2019. And Matt was just not on board with helping me plan, like you didn't want to be a part of it Not that you didn't want to go, but you were just like I don't care, I don't care. And so I kind of got this Well, if you don't care, we'll just figure it out as we go, I guess.
Matt:We'll see how bad it goes.
Jo:Yeah, and we booked everywhere, we stayed as we stayed there, like we got to Italy with not a place booked to stay.
Matt:I thought we had the first night booked.
Jo:We had the first night booked, you're right.
Matt:Yeah, we had a place the first night and then we were there for almost two weeks yeah. I would just check the night before where we could stay the next night.
Jo:Yeah, and we figured it out, but that trip broke me.
Matt:That doesn't sound good.
Jo:I have not planned the itinerary since and I kind of hate that. But I didn't realize I hated it.
Matt:Oh, okay.
Jo:Well, because I thought I was being like cool, not in the way that I thought other people thought I was cool. I was like, oh, not stressing about this, like I really need to chill out, and I think there's a balance, sure, like that's what I'm getting at. I'm not saying how I was is good and I'm not saying this extreme is good. I think there's a balance in the middle. But because I decided that I was gonna swing the other way, we have completely defeated balance.
Matt:You went from 100 to zero.
Jo:Yeah. Yeah, there you go, and now we yeah.
Matt:Now we only go with the flow. Yeah, the flow really has to get going.
Jo:And I really hate going with the flow this heavily. Yeah, that's valid. I think what I have learned.
Matt:This is an extreme method.
Jo:Well, you know how? I watched a TikTok this week where somebody was talking about how there's always the friend that's like it all works out, it all works out. And then everybody's like, yeah, it works out, because I'm making it work out, I'm solving the problems. That was me, yeah, and I quit and I was like, oh, it is working out. And I'm like, looking around at my life right now, like I don't know that it worked out. I think it descended into a complete and utter chaos, oh, and now I'm having to dig everybody out of it.
Matt:Oh, well, you're doing a great job.
Jo:It's mainly laundry chaos.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:That's like 95% of my problems.
Matt:I feel like I'm doing most of the digging in the laundry department.
Jo:I want to own like 10 pieces of clothing.
Matt:Oh, I thought you were going to say a laundromat.
Jo:No, I keep getting rid of stuff.
Matt:I keep trying. I'm not good at it. You're terrible, I'm really bad at it.
Jo:I don't understand it, because you wear the same, like your closet could be 10 pieces.
Matt:Yeah, it really could. But I'm like, what if I need it?
Jo:What if an event happens and then I don't have that, and then I don't have it, and then I have to go get one so often too Well, and the thing about that is, every event you've been to for the last year, I feel like it comes up to the event and you have to go buy something anyway, because you can't find what you're thinking of.
Matt:OK, that's a closet issue.
Jo:Right, I suppose.
Matt:I should clear my closet out so that I can see the things that I need in there. Ok, I'm seeing the point he got there. I got there, I got there.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Well, yep, yep, sounds good, Sounds like some work could be done.
Jo:Yeah, I just I want to own almost nothing. I started following a minimalist account on Instagram and it's been fascinating. I really think I want to get rid of most of my things because I am definitely the girl that, to avoid doing laundry, would buy more socks.
Matt:Like I think we've talked about that at length.
Jo:Yeah, and I think that's caused most of my problems, because now I just have too many socks. We do have a hamper dedicated to socks and that's just so overwhelming, you know, whereas if I owned seven pairs of socks and that was it, and I just washed them once a week.
Matt:You did buy the most colorful, extravagantly decorated socks in the biz too, so they couldn't be like paired.
Jo:None of my colorful socks I purchased. What, yeah, those are all in like gift baskets and stuff over the years.
Matt:Well, I just would like you to know you have more like walrus socks and paint socks with words on them.
Jo:Yes, I am not telling you.
Matt:Even in the days of the week. I did not purchase the days of the week. You didn't buy your days of the week socks.
Jo:Those were a gift, the whole set.
Matt:I Because the number of times you were the wrong days of the week on your feet was hilarious.
Jo:I'm not saying you were wrong about how many colorful. I have a ton of colorful socks. But I did like a gift exchange with friends one year that everybody got socks and I ended up with like eight pairs of Santa and like Christmas socks. Ok, I have all kinds of patterns.
Matt:I feel slightly better about you as a person now that I know that you didn't buy all of these ridiculous socks for yourself.
Jo:No, the only socks that I have purchased are the ones that you'll notice I have a ton of, which are the ones that have the little like gold seam at the toe and the blue seam at the toe Got it. Those are the ones that I have purchased.
Matt:I have noticed those.
Jo:Yeah, and those are my favorite. That's why and I also bought some A6. Yep so those are still white. They do have color on them that you need to match them to their same color.
Matt:But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about ones that have different colored logos or whatever.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Jo:I'm talking about the blue ones with like penguins like that when you put your feet together they make a single walrus face or something like that, things of that ilk.
Matt:Yeah, nothing specific is popping out in my brain, but there's a lot of Very gaudy socks in there.
Jo:I've recently purchased a lot of taller socks, like up to the knee taller yeah, calf socks, not true.
Matt:Yeah, I saw for the knee. But like up to the knee. Yeah, really, what for? It's where, with my boots under jeans okay, so they don't rub on the side of my leg.
Jo:There is a purpose for this, like buying them for style my cowboy boots are back in, like they're so popular right now and I I'm sure I've talked about how much I love my cowboy boots and they're like 15 they're probably more than 15 years old now. That's what I love them. And then I also got a new pair of Kind of Western looking boots, but I've been wearing them a lot with things that cover the boot, and when I wear something that covers the boot and I'm not showing my leg, I like to wear a sock that comes up higher than the boot, just for comfort.
Matt:Oh yeah, no, totally get that and so that's functional.
Jo:Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're good, you're good.
Matt:I just want to make sure you weren't just buying knee-high socks and just wear them yeah you're like Jo, those aren't in. Yeah, those well, I mean, I don't know that they were ever in as a look.
Jo:I'm not listening to anybody on telling me what's in or not anymore, though, okay, I'm going through my Finding my style.
Matt:Okay, okay. And what are you finding?
Jo:I'm finding I'm just gonna wear things that I like.
Matt:Comfortable comfortable.
Jo:Yeah, colorful I like a lot of Monotone, like I know. I just said colorful, but it can still be colorful, and just one, yeah monochrome. Oh, monochrome. Yeah, I'm dumb, monotone thought like Level level, yeah, audio right or anything, one tone Okay yeah, monochrome is all you could use, monotone with color maybe. But it's monochrome is what I mean though very uninteresting.
Jo:Yeah, but monochrome, like so that it's all one color. It can be a bright color, sure, but I really am into that. I don't know. I Just I think for a long time, pretty much my entire life as people do, I've let what other people say impact my choice is just way too much, sure. I'm a recovering People, pleaser. I am a recovering, desperate for people to like me, girl, okay.
Matt:Love that.
Jo:I'm in my I don't care if anybody likes me season. Okay, yeah, I don't know that I do a ton to be like. Disliked yeah, well, and I think it. It's about Not allowing other people to impact how I express myself and the things that I like. It's not about like. I still want to be kind to people. I still want to be a decent human being after world.
Jo:I'm wearing monochrome but Don't you think that maybe I feel like you were so confident through High school and college in a way that I wasn't, and you've always just kind of known what you've liked and you don't care if other people like it or not? I Wasn't that person.
Matt:You're talking specifically clothes, or what?
Jo:Everything well, like I think about. I like I was a huge Taylor Swift fan in middle school and high school and that was not cool. Then got you like everybody was like Taylor Swift stupid and I was like embarrassed that you know sure and Like I'm trying to think of which is funny, because now I'm not like a, I'm not, I just am she's cool.
Matt:Yeah, you're in the middle. Lots of people are high.
Jo:Yeah, I still love her. Yeah, I love her. We still bumper albums and everything but. But I also sit and I wonder I'm like, is part of that me not wanting to commit?
Matt:Your reflex.
Jo:Yeah, as my reflex now, to not like, like or dislike anything, because then nobody can make fun of me.
Matt:Now you're not dangerously close to me.
Jo:I know, I Know it's not good.
Matt:Yeah, I don't know if I was. Yeah, I don't know if I was wildly confident. I think I just Tried to do things, you know, a little different. Yeah, and that way I couldn't be Judged one way the other. I also tried not to get like two into anything, just like you were talking about, to a okay to temper expectations and.
Jo:So you, we were the same myself out there. Yeah, we are just Recovering, oh you just did it way cooler.
Matt:Yeah, like I just seemed less worried about it.
Jo:Okay, I seemed very worried about it, you were very worried about it. I still am not the same way.
Matt:I don't think no, no, you're better.
Jo:Yeah, I don't know. I'm working through that, yeah, anyway, what?
Matt:do you do this week, do you?
Jo:have anything.
Matt:On your mind, man. We've been building furniture like it's going out of style. Rehab the patio. I think that already happened.
Jo:Yeah, yeah, last week, yeah but we did the kids rooms.
Matt:Yeah, kids rooms been building Building furniture, man, big girl bed. Jeez, big girl bed is here, it's been built. She's slept exactly one night in it. It went great, mm-hmm, little sad, little little emotional. It's crazy, but yeah she's, she's solo Big girl bed.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Had to take the crib out, which requires taking the sides off, because it's been built exactly slightly too big to fit through a doorway. I was impressed you got it out by yourself, it's. I remembered how we got it in and that's really the only way because you have to tip it up, you can't even slide it out, and turn.
Jo:The weird part is we have wide doors.
Matt:Yeah, we do.
Jo:So it's wild that I'm like how are people getting crimson through a?
Matt:36 inch door with both sides. You can take one side off and get it through a 36 inch door. I know this because I had to do this at our last house, getting it out the front door.
Jo:That was pin.
Matt:Oh, wow, yeah yeah, it's, it's Again, built just ever so slightly to be maximally inconvenient.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Jo:Yeah, and it's a standard crib.
Matt:Like it's, not like it's where we got a special order for yeah, a jumbo baby crib, no, yeah and I got the toddler conversion kits for the cribs finally in way too late. So we're gonna store those, just in time to take the crib out of a room.
Jo:I ordered it forever ago, yeah, and it was backwardered and it came in a week after her big girl bed arrived. It did so you know. You know you lose some, that's all right, but Matt's been working on that and then I have been grinding away at Q4 collaborations content and I have also Been working a ton. I have a giant launch tomorrow. If you're listening on, the dates comes out on Thursday, november 7th. What's the date?
Matt:16th. It's November 16th, 14th. Yeah, okay, so on.
Jo:Thursday, november 16th at 10 am on rift raft comm. I havea New line collection of sweatshirts coming out with them. I'm really excited about it. There are five different designs and Leah, who helped to do all the design work shout out to her, she's so talented actually went through and listened to clips from the podcast and Pulled some things that we've talked about in the podcast in order to create a lot of the designs, so I'm so excited to share that with you. I'm wearing one of them right now, the take care sweatshirt, and Matt's wearing the hat which it says overshare and it says they didn't need to know that underneath and it is in the colors of our podcast.
Matt:So so it's not podcast merch per se, but no podcast inspired.
Jo:It is podcast inspired, subtle and just a lot of the topics that we've talked about. A lot of it's about self-care, a lot of it is about just Kind of trying to facilitate a better mindset for yourself. And then there also there's a book sweatshirt thrown in there and A coffee sweatshirt thrown in there.
Matt:So so everybody.
Jo:Yeah, you can check it out and I'm really excited. I'm I'm a little nervous really. Yeah. Yeah oh, and code JO15. That's all that always works at rift raft for anybody listening J oh 1, 5. I will could be 15% off on their site anytime. I'm nervous because, well, so it's my first collection, it's not the late collection, yeah and you've done the late collection for years.
Jo:Yeah, so we're three years in on the late collection. It's been really successful every time and it's been so much fun because I've connected with so many people about their love of the lake and getting to grow up on the lake and what what that was like and having something so niche. And when riffraff contacted me wanting to Do this collection and kind of try and lean into some of the other topics that I seem to Talk a lot about, I just was nervous. I don't know.
Matt:Yeah, it's much more broad.
Jo:Yeah, it feels. I don't know, I just get nervous. Uncharted territory, so that's a little bit of territory and I want it to do well. Riffraff's a all-woman owned business. It's local, it's small. The team is absolutely incredible and the fact that they trust me and want to work with me again and again feels so Special. Yeah, and I, I want to make them proud and I want to I don't know.
Matt:She's falling back into people.
Jo:Pleaser, but yes do you think that that's what it is?
Matt:You're on your. Like, I don't want to be a people pleaser in there, like I just want to make them proud, I just want to love me. Okay, well now, no, no, no, it's, it's totally fair, because you're working like. I, it's a it's a, it's a collaborative project, so I think it's totally normal to feel that. It's normal to feel that way in all kinds of aspects. Right, just the juxtaposition of one to the other was making me laugh. It's not a. It's not an attack.
Jo:I don't think wanting to be successful is people pleasing.
Matt:No, no, no, I'm one of you will be happy with the product that you've helped right now.
Jo:That's totally yeah, just, and I was laughing we spent a lot of time putting together the designs for this time, hey we're cars it was, I don't know I'm I'm just excited about it. So yeah. A lot of it's really all of it's really cool. Actually, the sweatshirt that I thought was going to be my absolute favorite Like I was so excited about it and I it got in and it is just as good as I thought it was gonna be is my last place pick.
Jo:Oh yeah, and I still love it. It turned out fantastic. It's so cute. It's just. Everything else came in. I was like wait a second, this is all really good. I was. That sounds like I wasn't expecting it to be good. Yeah, but it was even better than I thought.
Matt:Yeah it was going to be fun surprise.
Jo:Yeah, what else, what else, what else.
Matt:I did have the thought this week and this is a complete Divergence. Okay, do you have a pimple inside of your nose? I've not no, no, fever. Had one in your ear I.
Jo:Have not. I've had one like right on that on the edge of my ear, like right here on my. What is that called?
Matt:I don't know what that's called. Okay, but the tab in front.
Jo:It has a name because I know.
Matt:I'm gonna have a round part people have that piercing and I it's just not coming to me what it's called, but anyway, yeah.
Jo:I also call the septum no no, I don't think so. Right here.
Matt:Yeah, I know the septum in your nose, but I guess.
Jo:Anyway, I've had one like right on that outside from cartilage, but not in my ear.
Matt:Oh, I've had him in my, so my question of whether it's worse to have a pimple in your nose or in your ear. It's not gonna be a very good question for you then, no.
Jo:But if I'm talking about on the outside, like along the edge of my nose or on this, I'm gonna go nose got it.
Matt:I think nose would be worse it is because you touch it way more. But I was curious if you had thoughts, because the ones in your ears hurts super bad.
Jo:I'm actually surprised. I thought you would go ear because of how often you use headphones.
Matt:Yeah, but like you can just not wear headphones and that helps you would die without wearing headphones. Well, that's not true. I've gone many years without wearing headphones not in quite a few years.
Jo:Okay, fine, like, as we get older, we get more rigid and we like can't change our ways as much and I feel like one of those things like you're gonna be a 95 year old man with airpods glued in like hearing aids. The moment that they like put implant headphones, you're gonna be like, yeah, sign me up, I love that surgery. Okay yep, you're just gonna get the chip just put in there. Yeah, don't you think anyway?
Matt:I had a pimple right under my nose, which made me think of the times I've had pimples in my nose, but it sounds like that's not a problem for you. I hurt tremendously bad.
Jo:I'm not a stranger to acne. That hurts. Actually, I, the last couple of months I've been really struggling with my skin for the first time in 10 years. Not that I haven't had a breakout, but I've had like a breakout here or there or like a spot here or there. In high school I had a really, really bad acne. I struggled with it a lot and it's weird. I don't know if it's my hormones changing postpartum or what it is, but it has been a journey. They've been the really like the hormonal big, like cystic, and they hurt really bad. Like it hurts to like open your mouth wide because you have them all along here. Have you ever had it like that, matt, you and I because we have very different facial Well you don't really have acne anymore.
Matt:No, I've never had acne that bad.
Jo:I had like flawless skin until I had you know I'm pretty bad for a little while in college after you had mono.
Matt:Yeah, I no. I had mono in high school, high school but I feel like that lasted in the problem was I had like flawless skin, like if I had three pimples at a time. It was weird. And then I got mono and that tank, that streak. My skin was like whoa dude, your immune system.
Jo:We're gonna get this mono out of you through your skin.
Matt:Yes, it's going all out of your face. I guess I don't know what's going on there. Yeah and then, but still relatively moner leveled back out. Yeah.
Jo:But I've been really struggling with that the last couple of months. It's been a journey I actually had for the first time, one of those days where I woke up and I looked in the mirror I was like I don't want to go out in public. Oh, which is so dumb. It's not dumb. I shouldn't say that I that's very dismissive of my feelings, but it's just so irrelevant Because I never I don't remember who I was talking to about this, but like I've never noticed somebody else's skin, and less like if my skin is really broken out, then I noticed how nice everybody's skin looks. Sure, but I've never noticed how like bad somebody's like. When I, like I always try to think of the last three social gatherings I've been to. What negative things have I had to say about other people and Appearance isn't nothing about their appearance comes up.
Matt:It's just not memorable.
Jo:No part.
Matt:You're not like. Well, this person had the best skin and this person had the worst skin, or even the extremes you don't know. Hold on to, not at all.
Jo:And it's like when I try to envision people in my head of what people look like. It's not in, it's not relevant, no, no, so I don't know why I get so worried about the experience. Yeah, yeah, people's skin doesn't have a ton of impact on how they make you feel and not usually.
Matt:I know that that would have to be a very extreme case.
Jo:Mm-hmm. All right, do you want to do? You have a word of the week this week, do you want to start there, or do you want to? I know that somebody emailed about word of the week.
Matt:Yeah, we've got. We've got several suggestions. Should we take a a listener suggestion for word of the week.
Jo:Yeah. Word of the week, word of the week, here we go. I take a word, put it all together. Let's go and see what she's got verses now, guys.
Matt:She's not, she's not limiting herself to one I loved out of the box.
Jo:I will never stop loving out of the box. I am an out of the box ghoul.
Matt:Have we done this one.
Jo:What one.
Matt:Obsequious.
Jo:I don't know.
Matt:It feels familiar, but that sounds terrifying. Obsequious, obsequious, obsequious feel like I've had to pronounce that before.
Jo:What's the definition?
Matt:Obedient or attentive to an excessive or servile degree. What's Surveys? Like servant, okay, sir vile. Sir vile is the word of the week I know, that's what I was about to say.
Jo:I don't think we've done that one. Can you say it again?
Matt:Obsequious, obsequious. I'm like 90% sure we've done it.
Jo:Oh, okay.
Matt:Well then let's not do that the podcast so it's a throwback guys.
Jo:I can't remember it.
Matt:I'm not shocked. I bet you couldn't remember. Oh percent of the words the week my brain is so bad.
Jo:The only you know what I took Latin in sixth and seventh grade and brag I Was gonna say. The only thing I remember is ecce, look, see and fuck it, which is spelled like faucet, pronounced like that, and I don't remember what that means, I just Know what it means. No, will do, will, do, will do. Will do yeah, okay to look to see.
Matt:Fuck, fuck it is, fuck it will.
Jo:Yeah, I'll never forget, it will do and I have no idea if that's how it's pronounced but as a bunch of sixth graders.
Matt:I love that. You have no idea how it's pronounced.
Jo:Well, I, I think that's how it was pronounced, but I also don't know where the joke started. You know what I mean? Okay, and like the real sure the real Pronunciation ended totally 11 and we could not handle that and we thought that was the funniest thing.
Matt:You've ever heard in our darn lives.
Jo:Love that anyway. The reason I said that is two years of Latin those are the only two words I remember and Word of the week similar like a Kimbo glued in my head. Yeah, I'll never forget it.
Speaker 3:I'm never fucking the limbs are everywhere.
Jo:They're a Kimbo, yes, but I Don't remember very many other than that.
Matt:I feel like you almost need them to be sound related. I need to sound like they are defined well, and I need like an action with them.
Jo:Like whatever aqueous was one of ours. I've heard people use that a ton Since we had that as a word of the week.
Speaker 3:Sure.
Matt:Don't ask me to define it. I'm sequious that often, but it's a quality. Yeah, I'm sequious. That's a lot of people probably just use obedient.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:I hear you okay quality choice. Yeah, I like it any bad dad mean mom the pops to the head bad dad mean mom, not really.
Jo:I feel like I've been pretty much slain the game in terms of parenting.
Matt:No, I was like I'm actually in the opposite wave.
Jo:Really. Yeah, no, I've Struggled in his head about his parenting game?
Matt:Yeah, it's just not been all on. I haven't had the patience that I'd like to have and it's hard parenting's. It's so rewarding when things go positively, but it's really hard when you can see that your actions have Consequences and not just have consequences. But you can see your kids reactions to negative behaviors that you've had and then you can see what that's affected and it's really hard to be like Damn it. I caused that, like I know why you're doing that and it's because I Didn't react well to something and so it's really tough to see some of those things. And we're just we're kind of that age, especially with G, where she's getting older and she's learning and she's reacting and it's gonna happen. But it's just been tough. It's been really tough to see Some of those things and there's tons of good stuff. It's just the highs and the lows are coming at you out like fast.
Jo:I feel like you're having a realization of like Regulations really hard for you, yeah.
Matt:Yeah, and it's also really hard for two-year-olds, but that's more justified with them and so, yeah, it's been hard to be really cognizant of Having to be an example, like you can't teach them something that they can't see.
Jo:We definitely are in that season of parenting where you realize your own, you see your own bad behaviors. Yeah, I would say that's my mean mom is Use my foot to hold the puppies back a lot.
Matt:Well, yeah, you'll give them a push, that's yeah and this is this goes for both of us no this particular bad dad, me mom, like you, will brush them out of the way with your foot because you know what like at the chest?
Jo:I'm not.
Matt:Yes, I'm Prefacing all of this because they're gonna knock down the baby. You. You'd like slide them out of the way with your foot. People who have dogs understand this right kicking our animals. Yeah, just to be clear.
Jo:Well, our toddler has taken on to yelling at the puppies and and a couple days ago some swift.
Matt:Kick, so she's not gently brushing them. She's given him a full wind-up.
Jo:Yeah and just well, I don't know. I actually made a full impact on the puppy.
Matt:No, she's just kind of wildly swing your leg at him. Yeah, it's not controlled, right.
Jo:We had that happen one time and I was like, I looked at Matt and I said, okay, we need to change our behaviors. If like and we did and I think that it's gone Well, I haven't seen her do it since that happened. We're like okay, if we have food, we have to be at the table. If we, the puppies, are bothering us, our action is to put them in their bed. Like you know, put in different, more, yeah, structured reactions to those things, because she's definitely watching us and she's like oh, this is what my mom and dad do. I'm like oh, no, that's not good, that that's what we do.
Matt:Yeah, you know, yeah, it's just tough, tough. I mean, the regulating part especially has been tricky, because it happens, when they get disregulated, like they explode and then you have to really rein it in in a time when your body's like no freak out, and so that's a. It's an uphill battle, but it's good, and it also feels bad when it doesn't pan out well.
Jo:I feel like you've done really well.
Matt:No, no, it's again working on it very actively. But yeah, when your toddler gives you a hug and it's like, it's okay, dad, you're like, oh, you shouldn't have to do this for me. Sorry this is rough yeah bad, dad mean mom.
Jo:Yeah now means we're going to Greg's reads the week.
Matt:Greg's reads the week if you do it with a different rhythm every time.
Jo:I do.
Matt:It's Greg, greg I know I'm not doing a very good job. No, this is it's, it's freestyle.
Jo:It is freestyle, all right, number one. No place in the US is safe from the climate crisis, but a new report shows where it's most severe.
Matt:So in this we rate Greg is your dad. Yes, he sends us articles. Yes, we rate those articles based on their headline alone, one to five. How much anxiety they give us. So 11 it started with no where it's safe.
Jo:So yeah, I'm gonna say five out of five for me, yeah, but I also understand like to me that's a relevant one to send because I think it's had good information.
Matt:Yeah, you know, I mean logically, it makes sense that, like people, then if, if global climate change would affect everybody, yeah, yeah yeah, but five out of five, still an alarmist title.
Jo:Major anxiety. Okay, oh boy. Take advantage of these incredibly favorable tax rates. These Trump era tax breaks could come to an end in 2026. How to prepare your finances so you don't end up owing Uncle Sam big time. It is 2023, right?
Matt:Yeah, okay, three years, that's a good heads up. Yeah, oh, no four.
Jo:The five, five, yeah, yeah. I don't like anything that says taxes and I don't like anything that talks about the future.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Jo:Taxes yeah yeah, I mean not in the way I don't know, I just I.
Matt:Feel like watch your ass. This this could go badly for you.
Jo:Well, that's not a good time, immense pressure because of the way taxes are done in the United States, where we like have a CPA that does everything you know and all that. I feel like there's this immense pressure to like do it perfectly, because you're trying to balance, like making sure you're paying the right amount, but like that you're using the proper right, but like everything's so complicated and I just I Maybe I'm the worst, but I'd rather just pay too much and it be fine.
Matt:Yeah, yeah. I mean, I hate paying too much for anything, so that's not where my brain goes, but Totally get it.
Jo:I'd rather stay in this particular example.
Matt:It's it's warranted.
Jo:Yeah, all right. The 164 year old Swedish secret to raising happy and resilient kids, says parenting expert and mom 104 year old secret.
Matt:164 year old 164 year old secret.
Jo:Mm-hmm.
Matt:Oh, game changer, I mean like a one. I don't know if that's giving me any anxiety.
Jo:It doesn't give me any anxiety, but I love it, and it was all about letting kids play outside. Oh, okay. And letting them play outside regardless of the weather. Okay, so like there isn't bad weather, only like bad clothing for weather.
Matt:Oh, that's, good perspective, yeah which I agree with.
Jo:We, I feel like, go out pretty much year round, yeah, and we, we let the kids go out and play in the rain and whatever it is, unless it's like lightning.
Matt:Yeah, that's true, but no, it's good perspective for me, though. Yeah, I Did I just run like it's raining outside Right.
Jo:I don't want to go out there which Matt loves his raincoat, what you love your raincoat.
Matt:I mean, I have a good raincoat literally there can be.
Jo:Like Matt smells rain. He's like I think it might rain today, immediately in his raincoat.
Matt:I okay, yeah, I just always pack it, because you never know what you might need it.
Jo:I don't own a rain jacket anymore, do you not?
Matt:No?
Jo:Where'd it go. I had the same one since high school. It was that red Columbia one that had the zip out. It was really a shell of a bigger jacket it was a shell of like a winter jacket, and I don't I'm. It might still be in my closet, but I doubt it fits me because I got it, get one.
Matt:We went to Yosemite.
Jo:No no.
Matt:I mean, I bought mine for that trip specifically because the weather was like it's going to rain the entire week. You're in Yosemite. I don't think so. Okay, I Don't know why I thought you did. It must have just been me I.
Jo:Don't think I did. I think I just wore the one that I've had since I was 18. Okay, now I'm really questioning myself, but I really don't think. So I cannot think of another rain jacket in my closet.
Matt:That is why I own a rain jacket. Yeah, I was like I'm not going to Yosemite and hiking for five days and being soaking wet the whole time.
Jo:Yeah, that was fun. Okay, these places are just devouring money. Colleges are splurging on fancy new buildings, programs to attract rich kids, report shows and passing the bill on to everyone else.
Matt:Up until the colleges part, I don't know four. After the colleges part I don't know two Well-known.
Jo:Here's the thing Articles like this. I think I might be becoming a pessimist. I just don't know that it's relevant or matters that much, because I don't feel like anything's changing anything.
Matt:You know you're taking the the Fockett approach.
Jo:No, no, I think that there needs to be a lot of Rules and regulations on the way Things are done across the board. I just don't see it happening because people don't like to follow the rules no, and people don't like to learn about stuff in order to establish regulation. Yeah, and so I am kind of of the thought if you're not actively Trying to make a difference, don't actively and loudly complain.
Matt:Interesting. What the the shut up and Fockett, no, it's interesting.
Jo:It's not that. It's just like like when the presidential election happened in 2016 and 2020 and people were upset about the results one way or another and and I would talked and people it was all anybody wanted to talk about and but then you would ask them like well, how did you go about it? Oh, I didn't vote.
Matt:Like it's that got it like you're not willing to participate.
Jo:Yeah yes like you, need to be actively participating and learning about how to take action. I don't want to read an article about All the problems. I want to know what actions are we taking in order to go there. Does that?
Matt:yeah, that's not a universal approach, but definitely and voting, I think that applies well like don't talk about things that are bad, because no, it's.
Jo:it's not that we can't talk about things that are bad. No, no, that's not what I mean, but I just feel like there's a lot of complaining about. I Don't know, man, I'm not nailing it, I don't know how to try to bail out a little bit. Can you help me?
Matt:Yeah, again, I think it all goes back to like in areas where you can absolutely be contributing or making positive change, but still just complaining about it and not doing any of that, that I can see being but it's like across the board is, I feel, like doing what I do online.
Jo:I get a lot of feedback of what the change people are wanting to see in the world and like things they don't like and things they don't like seen, but then they're they're not changing anything about their lifestyle.
Matt:I think you're in a very unique position on this because so many people want to project their feelings and their actions on to you. They want you to do what they think is right, either side of an issue well, apparently this headline really really All what this is writing about. This is just talking about how colleges have, like, too many admin and they waste a lot of money.
Jo:No, you're talking about how they're putting up like big fancy buildings and putting in like really over-the-top programs.
Matt:Yeah, and then there's also like a wild amount of like admin positions that don't actually. Yeah, colleges just kind of Spend more money because then they can make more money. Yeah, it's not an ideal system.
Jo:Yeah, got a waste money to make money. That is a.
Matt:Bob's Burgers quote that we use all the time Because we think it's funny. What you're talking about, though, I think is valid, because a lot of people are Want to project if they feel a certain way about the environment. They're like well, don't you feel this exact same way about the environment, whether or not you do or don't, and they get upset if you don't. Not only feel the way they feel, but announce that and like make it a platform of yours, whether or not you're qualified to speak on it. You're like I'm not an environmentalist I recycle but like I'm not well educated on this.
Matt:I'm not a person that people should be getting their opinions from yeah but they're like you need to speak out about this and it's like Okay, understood.
Jo:Yeah, maybe I'm just dealing a little down about that right now. I think you're just.
Matt:Yeah there's. You've been triggered by an article about colleges wasting money.
Jo:Oh, it's just, you can't do enough for everybody.
Speaker 3:No, I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it Okay.
Jo:I'll. I'll reel it in because I'm not trying to play the poor me, poor, my no, no, I don't feel that way.
Matt:No, and I didn't think you were. That's why I was like we got a rain in this, this idea.
Jo:Yeah, my bad, everybody my bad complaining about things, everything's great.
Matt:Okay, that's not what we're going for.
Jo:That's not what I was trying to say, in the slightest I know.
Matt:That's why we circle the wagons we got there.
Jo:Okay, go ahead. Read us an email, read us an email Abort bail me out, bail me out.
Matt:All right, we got a ton of emails. I got a. We've got to dive into this.
Jo:I have a voicemail if you want to do that first.
Matt:Yeah, do that, and then I'll Round up some emails.
Jo:Okay.
Speaker 3:Hi Jo and Matt. My name is Sloan, I live in Iowa and so I love hearing about every time you guys mention Iowa. I love your dog's names, of course, and I'm calling to ask you a question about entrepreneurship. So I'm Jo, I loved hearing about your process through Starting photography and that you weren't really passionate about photography itself and you just saw it as a stepping stone to learn more about entrepreneurship, and I've always been really interested in working for myself and owning my own business.
Speaker 3:But Most of the people around me are just working normal nine to five jobs, and so it's been really hard to picture how to make that happen. So I started with content creation and that's been going really well for me so far, but I'm not sure if I should try something else like photography while continuing content creation, or whether it's something else entirely, and I would just love to hear any advice you have for getting started in entrepreneurship, trying to figure out what you want to do, and Maybe if you have any advice for how to make friends that are kind of in that same space. I know I also love hearing about Caroline's entrepreneurship, and I think it just be really awesome to have Friends that are similar in that way. So any advice you have would be super awesome. Thank you.
Jo:Great question. Number one thing I'm gonna say to make friends is maybe go to a conference, save the money and go to any kind of entrepreneurial Pernur oil women's event that you can find. We have a lot of them in Northwest Arkansas. I'm speaking at one in March that's gonna be in more central Arkansas area. I'm sure they have them in various places in Iowa, minnesota. And don't be afraid to travel, for those people travel all the time to go to events like that, anything that you can go to like that, because then you're connecting with like-minded women who are wanting to pursue similar things. Also, don't be afraid to Reach out to people that you meet online, because that's how I've made a ton of my friends.
Matt:I'm gonna say that was that was kind of my thought is that a lot of people that you have followed and enjoyed, like content-wise especially, you've just kind of built up a relationship going back and forth and it takes time. It's not like an immediate.
Jo:Oh yeah, we're. We followed each other back and now we're best friends, like it's. It's been slowly building over years and I think, as I have leaned more into being self-employed and being an entrepreneur, the people around me have kind of caught wind of that and some of them have chosen to go that route, like my best friend runs a photography business now and Caroline obviously started FOI and he's doing so many incredible things, and so it's funny. The more you lean into entrepreneurship, naturally more people in that self-employed realm will Begin to be in your what am I trying to say? Your sphere. No, no, gravitational pole, that's not what I'm trying to say but you're anyway, yeah.
Matt:Orbit, you're orbit. Okay, I was gonna say, the gestures are really throwing this is, or this is orbiting around me. She looked like she was washing the table. Imagine early.
Jo:Yeah, the more you do that, the more entrepreneurs will be in your orbit, but I really would. I would highly recommend saving your money and getting a ticket to go to Any kind of entrepreneurial event that you can find, just because I think that's a great way to connect with people.
Matt:There's very much a space. You need to be able to put yourself out there too.
Jo:Yeah, it depends on what you want to do. You said you're creating content, their endless opportunities for things to go to that they do for, yeah, content creators, photographers, creatives so jump on that for sure. Yeah. And also heck, yeah, good for you, get after it I. It's so interesting for me to hear from people who, most of their Friends and family, work a nine to five. Lots my friends work to nine five. It's not I don't know anybody that works in nine to five, but I feel like I, because of what I do, I'm surrounded by so many entrepreneurs. It's hard for me to imagine my life without the people who or self-employed, like so relevant in my life. And, yeah, I think that it just naturally occurs over time. So keep going and I bet when you look up you'll realize you have a lot more people around you like that than you think.
Matt:Yeah, no, definitely. I think the online route is just a really easy way to like warm into that.
Jo:Yeah, I agree. For sure you got an email for us.
Matt:Sure, yeah, somebody has a great title here that just says Petty Question for the Pod. So let's start there Petty Question for the Pod. Hey guys, I have a Petty Family question. It's not a huge deal, but I can't stop thinking about it two months after the fact. I would love to hear your opinions. Apologies for the long email. Oh, maybe I should have read this and abbreviated.
Jo:It's okay, you got it, you got it, you got it. You want me to read it? Oh my God, it's so long.
Speaker 3:I'll read it, I'll read it, I'll read it.
Jo:It's so long, okay, heck, yes, okay, let me set the scene. Me and my husband just moved in our south about three weeks before the incident. The incident. We have an almost four year old, a five year old and two dogs. We purchased our new home before selling our old home, so we are balls deep and moving, still trying to sell our previous home and getting our five year old ready and signed up to start kindergarten.
Jo:The incident occurred on the Friday, during the first week of school, so my husband and I are very much still figuring out the bus schedule, making sure our five year old has everything else she needs for the day. I was still working an hour north at the time and was unable to take off work, so I typically left the house around 6 45 am with our youngest and did not return until roughly 6 30 pm that Friday, the Friday of the incident, we were supposed to leave and travel to my in-laws, which was about seven hours north. The plan was for my husband to get off work early to pick up our kindergartner, drop off our dogs at doggy daycare, drive an hour north to pack up some stuff at our old house before getting my youngest. I met them right after work at the old house and we had a few more things to pack up before making the six hour drive to my in-laws. Important note the following day was a joint birthday party for my husband's grandma, who just turned 80. My daughter who was turning four in several weeks, and our nephew who was turning three on Friday. Everything went down on our nephew's actual birthday, friday, the day of the incident. She doesn't write that. I just keep saying that. Okay, we were all packed up and on the road by 6 30 pm, meaning we should get to my in-law somewhere between 1 and 2 am, based off stops and getting dinner.
Jo:We were in the car when we got a text from my brother in law saying how disappointed he was that me, my husband and my husband's brother all forgot to wish our nephew a happy birthday on his actual birthday. He sent this in the family group message. We only get to see these family members two to three times a year, so I was planning on saying happy birthday in person when we give him his birthday present during his birthday party that we were driving seven hours to attend. Nobody in the family responded to his message, which is very unusual. It makes me think that they everyone felt similarly to myself or they just don't care. My husband could care less and would rather I drop it, but I do not want to set a precedent that it's okay for my brother in law to behave like this. During the actual party a day later, he was acting distant and a bit sulky. He did not confront us or initiate any kind of conversation.
Jo:Here's my dilemma. My husband and I absolutely love this family member. He has been in our life for over six years and we've never had any issues with him. We jump through hoops to make sure that we can see them and the rest of the husband's family, because family is very important to us and we want to make sure the cousins are in each other's lives. This whole situation has left such a sour taste in my mouth and I do not know how to proceed. We will be seeing them over New Year's and this is where I need your help. Should I talk to the brother-in-law one-on-one and try to resolve the situation, or should I sweep it under the rug? I'm still very hurt that he did not take our current situation into account before messaging us, that he blasted us in the family messages and messaging us privately and that he did not give us a heads up earlier in the day that our nephew would like a call or a FaceTime on his actual birthday. Thank you so much.
Matt:I suspect your nephew doesn't give a shit, your nephew doesn't care at all, and I don't think you bring it up because it's not important. I think if you give your nephew a piece of candy, he'll forget about it completely for the rest of his life.
Jo:I'm telling you if that makes you a bad aunt we are the worst, we are terrible. We're so bad. I miss so many birthdays. I'm not good.
Matt:Yeah. So if your question is is this petty? Yes, it's beyond petty.
Jo:Yeah, you're not being petty, he's being petty. Yes, he's the pettiest thing I've ever heard he's being wildly childish.
Matt:It's a three-year-old Anybody.
Jo:I don't care. I don't care if they're three, Like that's. Honestly, three-year-old probably deserves more attention than somebody older. But my point in it is it's not your responsibility, especially if you're going to be up there the next day.
Matt:I don't know. No, no, it was definitely BS to be called out in the group, but the fact it got zero responses I think you read that correctly.
Jo:Everybody was like wow, this is wild. In my family group text. If one of my sisters, or like, let's say, one of my brother-in-law, was, like you, didn't wish I don't know a sunny happy birthday, my family would go absolutely fair roll.
Matt:Do you think, or would they just completely ignore it?
Jo:No, they wouldn't ignore it, they would absolutely blast. Well, okay, you know what. You're right If it was a 50-50 shot if it was a brother-in-law that said it, everybody would just ignore it and be like, well, that's weird. They'd be like they drank too much, yeah, or something. Something weird happened. Sorry the chair, but if it was my sister that said something, oh, everybody would absolutely explode, yeah.
Matt:Now whether to bring it up at New Year's. I feel like too much time has passed.
Jo:I agree, I would never bring it up again. I feel like if you bring it up at New, Year's.
Matt:You're the one holding on to it yeah, I agree. Now if things are weird at New Year's, then maybe react to that. Then you're reacting to something fresh. Yeah, if you're like, hey, I've been thinking on this for four months, you're going to look crazy.
Jo:Or if somebody like brings it up, like if he brought it up at New Year's obviously free game but don't bring it up.
Matt:Yeah, I think it's okay to react and be like hey, well, our circumstance was pretty crazy and I'm really sorry that happened. No, it was not intended. No.
Jo:I don't think you apologize. Okay, are you sorry?
Matt:I think we're just trying to patch things up.
Jo:Yeah, but I'm really anti-apologies for stuff like that. Like I think that we can absolutely acknowledge the feelings there and that we can commit to.
Matt:That's a better approach to say I understand that you're upset, I understand why you're upset.
Jo:And in the future I will take this into consideration and be more cognizant to give a call on birthday.
Matt:I will have a reminder set for three o'clock on this day every year, and there's no way that and if he doesn't answer the phone, I'm going to freak out. I'm going to call constantly until midnight, at which point he's dead to me. No, yeah, okay, they are super petty. Don't bring it up at New Year's. You're going to look insane.
Jo:You're not.
Matt:But if this?
Jo:brother or whoever. No, no, it's super annoying. I totally get that. That would drive me nuts too.
Matt:But if it's not something that's continuing to affect things, like if it's just this thing that's bothering you, maybe you act petty and then they have to come to you You're like, well, you are a jerk about this. It's not a good device, but no, don't do that.
Jo:No, but don't apologize. You don't have anything to apologize for. No, no, I really can't fathom. I'm trying to envision next summer it's G's third birthday and my sister doesn't call.
Matt:We don't have a leg to stand on. No, we don't.
Jo:I wouldn't even think about it. I would just be like, oh, they're busy, their kids have cheer and they have school and they're juggling a million different things. They'll be at the birthday party or they won't. Also, my sisters are great at sending gifts and doing a ton of things that I'm just really. They're just much better. Oh, I'm not good. It's one of my worst qualities.
Matt:I think you do need to be hyper vigilant about your dog's birthday, your children's birthdays and if anything gets missed, you just jump all over in the family group text.
Jo:You freak out, you didn't call it a dog's birthday, no.
Matt:Our dog is completely beside itself.
Jo:No, I, we're not big birthday people, so also remember that we're not huge birthday people. We go to our nieces and nephews birthday parties and we take gifts, and that's about the extent.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:All right. Next email.
Matt:Next email.
Jo:One more.
Matt:My goodness, guys, you're writing some long emails.
Jo:You know how to read it.
Matt:Yeah, you're in much better practice of reading. I think if I try to read that I'll lose my mind. They're good emails, they're just long.
Jo:My boyfriend and I are both 24 and I think you guys have amazing wisdom about this phase of life.
Speaker 3:All right, they wrote a really nice paragraph about us before that but my boyfriend's family leans toward the dramatic side.
Jo:We both come from larger families. I have three siblings and he has four, but my siblings are all within three years younger than me, where his family spread out over 13 years. Another factor that complicates things is his family has a working black Angus farm and an optometry office.
Matt:Whoa Right, that's diversified.
Jo:We met in college and I found a job about 30 minutes from his farm right after school. It's been about two years since then. I'm from a small town about three and a half hours away, so I've been adjusting to the rural cultural differences. The main thing I'm still having trouble adjusting to is the family dependency for the two family businesses and the drama that follows. One older sister became an eye doctor like the dad and works at the office minimal drama.
Jo:The family farm cannot function without the three adult sons dedicating evenings and weekends throughout spring, summer and fall. My boyfriend and his younger brother both have four hour commutes round trip for their jobs, and the oldest brother is a state trooper. With two small kids, the time isn't there to dedicate to the farm without not having time to do anything else. So the farm is in less than ideal shape, but all the work that needs done is getting done. The problem is that everyone fights about someone farming in a way they don't like and the parents technically own slash pay for everything and they use that as the trump card. There is very poor communication and little to no planning either. I can't wrap my head around parents relying on their adult children ages 23 to 35 spending their free time for the family farm but the kids get little to no say about how anything should happen. The parents said the parents paid for the kids education and there's this idea that the kids need to do this to pay them back or they won't get any farm inheritance. The emotional intelligence of the whole family needs work, which doesn't help. They're explosive yelling fights between all the siblings, which being up, which bringing up little grievances from the last decade. My family doesn't fight like this at all. If we have a disagreement we either decide it's not a big enough issue to bring up or just have a heart to heart to find a place of understanding. The constant fighting and drama emotionally exhausts me and I don't know what I should do about this. Is this a big enough issue to reconsider my relationship with my boyfriend? We're moving in the direction of marriage, but I know you marry the person's family too if they're close. Is this something? I should just find a different coping mechanism.
Jo:I tried just putting distance between me and the farm. Only showed up for family functions that did not involve the farm, which half the siblings also did not show up because everything is disorganized in last minute, but that just put a strain on my relationship. There is love for the farm and the land that I just don't understand. The other farm problem is that the unpredictability of the farm has made this whole family allergic to planning or being on time. There's often farm emergencies that need immediate attention. Example, a cow got out or certain chores that are weather dependent. This is carried over to other parts of all their lives and has also instilled a shame in being unproductive at any time, which leads to agreeing to do more than they can handle, which leads to lateness. My family's the opposite and likes to have loose plans with room for downtime. I can handle this issue, but it just adds another layer of stress for me that the whole family doesn't understand. I'd appreciate any advice or just thoughts. Farm life buddy, yeah, ooh.
Matt:Drama, life. I thought that was a good one to go with our, our petty family. Yeah, I like that. I like that.
Jo:Topic. I mean, yeah, I think that's something to consider your relationship as a whole, because I don't think nothing you do is going to change that.
Matt:Yeah, it's tough. If it was one relationship, it was just between your boyfriend and his parents, then it's like, okay, I can help pitch in. If it's, if it's a whole family dynamic, it's a bold call to think that you're going to fix that, or or have a tool that like, yeah, that makes it better for you as someone who seems to handle conflict just better.
Jo:Yeah, and farms don't, even if it's a really well run operation. Farming in general is really unpredictable, at least from my understanding from my family that farms.
Matt:It's not predictable. It's a huge time commitment. There are emergencies that just require you to be available. Uh, whenever planning is very difficult, like that, those are realities of that life and that lifestyle.
Jo:No matter how well organized it is.
Matt:I feel like you have a complete team that can handle it. What, like you need to have staff to back you up completely, Like somebody has to be able to do everything you can do which is expensive, yes, and not existent in most like family operations.
Matt:Serious structure, that people are doing this at certain times and that you've got schedules that go. You know, I can see if you had three people you could be like, okay, two people at a time, whatever, not the point. Yeah, um, totally justified. Don't know how much you've talked to your boyfriend about this.
Jo:I think that's my. That was where I went first.
Matt:Yeah, I agree Is how much has this been communicated to him? Because, yeah, that it's a serious issue for sure. Like if this is going to cause it's not just going to affect family life, if this is going to be work and your reality and where you're going to live and how that's going to have, like well, and my thought was how much has it been communicated with him and what are his feelings on the matter?
Jo:Yeah, because I think that that is really where it lands for me. Is this something that he wants to participate in and that he's not willing to give up? Because that's going to be more of a red flag for me in terms of staying in a relationship, whereas, you know, if he thinks it's way over the top too and, uh, it's willing to consider not being a part of that anymore in order to prioritize your relationship and communication, then I feel differently. Yeah.
Matt:And obviously, yeah, it's. It's important to understand what his priorities are in this, if you're more important than this drama and the family farm and whatever else, and how that's going to be handled. Cause, um, yeah, that that would affect how a lot of things go down.
Jo:This is probably privileged talking, but I don't think it's worth making your life miserable for a supposed inheritance. Yeah, I, I feel like I'd rather have to work my whole life doing something that I like to do than spend 10 to 15 years of my life miserable in order to gain something in the future.
Matt:Yeah, and having it held over your head, yeah. That's really tough to be told that you're.
Jo:And that's not every like obviously there's a lot more nuance than that, and so there can be different ways of looking at that. But I just don't think Money is a tool, and I think financial security is obviously really, really important. But I also think that if you can find the place of security without, sometimes, it's worth it to turn your back on that stuff.
Matt:Yeah, yeah. It may be something where it just needs space or they need to see that it's really affecting people Um, the parents I'm thinking of in this case.
Jo:That, uh, it's hard when there are a lot of siblings, though, yeah.
Matt:Because if it's just one sibling, well, I'm not sure.
Jo:Well, I was thinking, if there's only one sibling like proving that it's impacting people, then they tend to dismiss, like I would imagine that there's a dismissal aspect where it's like oh well, that's just the oddball sibling Look at how well it's working.
Matt:Yeah, it can be two or three on one. Yeah, like we can all handle it. Yeah, that's, that's on them. Yeah, that's. Yeah, it sounds dysfunctional Sorry. It does sound dysfunctional. Is it too late for him to become an eye doctor? Maybe pivot?
Jo:Yeah, what do you think about sending him to optometry school?
Matt:Seems cool, sounds like he's going to owe a lot more and they're going to hold that over his head, but it sounds less dramatic so it does.
Jo:Oh, maybe you could be an optometrist. That's like that really is. That's a yeah, that's a chaotic life.
Matt:Maybe that's not good advice. Sorry, that's really funny. I wanted to put it. Put a comedic bow on it.
Jo:Yeah, that's hard. I don't have a good answer to that.
Matt:Totally valid to uh, reevaluate the relationship. On that, though, yeah, again, and it's less, because I think it's super valid to say, oh well, you're marrying the family as well as the person, but in this particular case it is so extreme and it's talking about not just family, it's talking about careers and work life balance.
Jo:I think it just depends on how much your boyfriend wants to be involved with his family because, like there are some people I know who, their families are not great but they're committed to their partner and they see them at Christmas or they see them at the family reunion once a year, or whatever it is.
Jo:They don't see them, yeah, or they don't see them at all, uh, and so I don't know that. I kind of like what Matt said. I don't know that I agree that you marry the family, um, but if your boyfriend is really committed to a relationship and that's really important to him, then yeah, you absolutely do. Yeah.
Matt:Yeah, definitely, and so it again. You didn't say how much has been communicated. Maybe this is thoroughly been communicated and you know where he stands, but uh, I think it's something you have to take in there and be very serious, like hey, this is pretty wild and I don't know that I want to be involved.
Jo:Well, it's not worth living in a state of stress about stuff like that all the time. No, cause it won't change farming stressful, yeah, it just is like there's such a lack of respect for what that entails, not just from a physical labor standpoint but emotionally, and the time commitment and the way it impacts families, and that's not going to change. Yeah, I mean it might get organized, like maybe you'll have the benefit of them getting more organized or something like that, but at the root of it, like it's always going to be, a tough gig.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, there's a ton of volatility and your margins are tight and variable and yeah, it's uh we both come from farming families.
Jo:I don't know if anybody knows that about us, not to say that we have intimate knowledge.
Matt:We are not farm kids.
Jo:Let let us clarify yeah, Not to pretend that we have intimate familiar knowledge with how a farm operates.
Matt:We've just seen it.
Jo:You're looking at city kids, but like second gen. Yeah, so we were. Well, I guess I'm third gen. Yeah, my dad's cousins and everything do the farm, so I guess let me think about it, oh so I would I mean my dad's brother still operates farm, Right. But that's what I mean is like, I am to farming, as our kids will be to farming with you.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:So you're much more directly connected because both your parents were raised on farms. Yep.
Matt:Yep, and one of those is still operating.
Jo:Yeah, um, whereas both my parents were already like they were the first, their parents were raised on farms and then they were the first ones not Totally Cause. Aunts and uncles took over Yep, and so I grew up visiting the family farm a lot, but Good luck Sounds crazy, yeah, it does.
Matt:Families man.
Jo:Families, man. Well, on that note, we won't catch you next week, but we'll see you after Thanksgiving and we love you all and have a great, thankful end of your November and we'll talk soon, all right, bye.