Matt broke his own cardinal rule for dads so the latest episode of Oversharing with Overbys is going to be little different this week. We start things off with a recap of the weekend and retelling of how we got here, and launch right into Word of the Week, Greg's Reads, and the usual back and forth. This episode is a real talk about the juggling act of modern parenting and the lifelines that friendships, both new and old, provide.
We had quite a few voicemails and emails to catch up on, so join us as we navigate long distance friendships, the nuanced waters of baby fever, and the evolving responsibilities of parenthood. The episode is a heartfelt look at the identity shifts that come with having children, and how to keep a hold of your own in the process. We share some tried-and-true tips for fitting in your passions while being present for your kids. So, whether you're a parent, a friend of a parent, or just someone seeking a genuine connection, this episode has a little something for everyone.
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Matt broke his own cardinal rule for dads so the latest episode of Oversharing with Overbys is going to be little different this week. We start things off with a recap of the weekend and retelling of how we got here, and launch right into Word of the Week, Greg's Reads, and the usual back and forth. This episode is a real talk about the juggling act of modern parenting and the lifelines that friendships, both new and old, provide.
We had quite a few voicemails and emails to catch up on, so join us as we navigate long distance friendships, the nuanced waters of baby fever, and the evolving responsibilities of parenthood. The episode is a heartfelt look at the identity shifts that come with having children, and how to keep a hold of your own in the process. We share some tried-and-true tips for fitting in your passions while being present for your kids. So, whether you're a parent, a friend of a parent, or just someone seeking a genuine connection, this episode has a little something for everyone.
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overbys. I'm Jo.
Matt:And I'm Matt.
Jo:And each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails, go in-depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Matt:With that being said, let's get to oversharing. It's not going to be a strong voice day for me.
Jo:Why is that, Matt?
Matt:I broke the cardinal rule of parenting.
Jo:today, you broke the cardinal rule of what's the cardinal rule of parenting, Matt.
Matt:I said don't get hungover with kids, Correct? Yeah, that's my number one piece of advice for parents out there.
Jo:What I will say is I had no idea that you were even on your way to being hungover. I didn't either. You seemed fine.
Matt:I felt fine in the moment, but I, you know eating clean again and it turns out when you eat keto, you might as well just be drinking on an empty stomach. Yeah, Because that's half the time. That's not far away from what you're doing.
Jo:Yeah, we don't get out much.
Matt:No.
Jo:We had a birthday dinner last night and we didn't have a sitter.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:And so well, we didn't have a sitter to go to the party after the dinner is what I should clarify. Yeah, and so we came home and we let our friends know, hey, we can't come because our sitter fell through and they moved the party to our house.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, they were just staying together for a game night, yeah. You know a dozen people or so and I wasn't expecting it. We can just go to your house and we're like okay, that works for us. We didn't prepare in any way, shape or form, but we figured it out.
Jo:It was super fun. But I thought it was such a good example because I feel like this is something we talk about a lot on the podcast and we talk about I talk about a lot online period is that to maintain relationships with people that don't have kids, it requires you like showing up without your kids to some extent, but it also requires friends that show up for you, and I think last night was a really good example of we have friends that show up for us. Like our sitter fell through and, instead of leaving us out, they like packed up their whole game night and everything and brought it to our house, since our kids were already asleep and we could all hang out.
Matt:Yeah, still you know, yeah, no, it was. It was super nice. It was like not our birthday. We didn't even give them the heads up that we weren't going to make it to the after thing until dinner and everybody just pivoted. So it was really cool, yeah. And then, you know, I had like five drinks and that was enough to absolutely ruin my night and day so many drinks over the course of like five hours.
Jo:That's I. To me, that's I never have more than one, and so that's a lot to me.
Matt:I would be really not well. Again, I'm also fairly large as a person.
Jo:Yeah, but I'm not small.
Matt:No, no, that's true, but anyway, yeah, it got away from me and so, uh, I was very unwell today, for, uh, for sure, the first four hours of the day.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:I'd say about 2pm, just off my game for the rest of it.
Jo:You picked up around 2pm.
Matt:Yeah, that's when I felt I will say about noon, noon, I was like, okay, you can do stuff again, you're, you're a human being, but until then you did a great job, you, you, uh, you held the family together this morning.
Jo:I did. I was also really tired because we stayed up too late, but I held it together. Yeah, I got us up, I got us rolling, we did the darn thing.
Speaker 4:Mm, hmm.
Jo:We made it through the day, and now, as Matt desperately wants to go to bed and I'm forced him to record a podcast, Yep, yeah, that's fine.
Matt:It's all good we're going to do great, I'm not really forcing you. I shouldn't say that, no, not at all you don't force me to do pretty much anything.
Jo:Not according to everybody online.
Matt:Well, according to online, I'm actually trapped in this house. Yeah, I'm. I'm actually chained to this podcast table.
Jo:You're also forced to dance.
Matt:Yep.
Jo:You're also forced to. I don't know all kinds of things. Yeah, man, the thing is, if I really had that much control, I would be choosing very different things for sure, for sure.
Matt:You know how much more I'd post online.
Jo:Yeah. Like, like all the time but that's not even it, I like.
Matt:I don't even be online, it would just be me.
Jo:That's not true. That's not true.
Matt:But if we could pull it off, maybe Maybe probably not.
Jo:Anyway, we went through voicemails and emails before hopping on today to kind of get an idea of what we wanted to talk to you all about and realize we have a lot of voicemails and a lot of emails.
Matt:We got a bunch of emails.
Jo:So our flow is going to be a little bit different today. We don't have a ton. Do you have anything you want to catch everybody up on before I talk through flow?
Matt:You know I'm not the most clear headed to remember the week. Let's think how, how this is gone. Finished kids rooms. Yep, oh yeah, yeah, we did. We did do some stuff. We got snow. It's been cold and snowy for the last week Most of the week anyway, right, no?
Jo:yeah, it's been like three days, hasn't it? No big news or anything?
Matt:Yeah, I'm thinking about it, it actually hasn't been cold longer than three or four and full of days, but still it's been like real. We've gotten snow which, in Arkansas, basically shuts down the world.
Jo:Makes the grocery store really, really busy and everybody sells out of bread and eggs.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, even though it will never stay longer than like a week here.
Jo:I've never seen it last.
Matt:Have you seen it last a week? Like think of like snowpocalypse, that was like a week to 10 days.
Jo:That was two weeks. Yeah, but that was also almost 15 years ago.
Matt:And it was like 15 inches of snow.
Jo:Right, so apocalypse happened in what? January 2011?
Matt:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jo:It wasn't.
Matt:It was my freshman year Right. During the dorms. It was actually really fun yeah.
Speaker 5:There wasn't class for like a week and a half December 2010.
Matt:One of the other.
Jo:Okay, it was that winter and you got, I think, 16 inches of snow. Yeah, you guys were out of classes for like seven or eight days.
Matt:It was like a week and a half that we didn't go to class, and that was actually especially when you were in the dorms. You either had to, like, get to a dining hall and I don't even know if all of them were operating, but you guys had a dining hall attached to your dorm, though.
Matt:I never rated that one, but yes, yeah, but you did if in that situation it was an inferior dining hall, so I would climb this snowy hill to the other one, or just just a couple of times, like we went to the On campus store, like this small mart.
Jo:Oh, ok, wow, that was a jaunt for you guys. Yeah, it was. You guys are on the other side of campus.
Matt:Yeah, we got. We were just trying to get out. Have some fun.
Jo:When we say small mart, people are probably thinking we're talking about a neighborhood market. But we're actually talking about a teeny, tiny mini Walmart. It was like the size of a Walgreens.
Matt:Yeah, like an in city Walgreens, that's like just a small place. That's what we're talking about here.
Jo:We had one of those on our university campus. Is it still there, I?
Matt:don't know, I don't spend a lot of time on campus. No, either, especially not there.
Jo:I don't either. But yeah, that's what people plan for every single snowstorm. Yes, yes. But anyway, today we're going to jump right into Greg's Reads word of the week and then we're going to kind of hit the ground running and answer some of your voicemail, some of your emails, and that is going to be the weird little flow today.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, we're being nice to Matt. We're not making him think too much. Yeah, I think that that's smart I think that's probably really what we're doing here.
Jo:No critical thinking out of the gate for Lamont. You want to start with word of the week.
Matt:Word of the week.
Jo:We're familiar with the word obfuscate. Obfuscate, obfuscate Op.
Matt:Obfuscate.
Jo:Op or op Op Op Obfuscation.
Matt:Yeah, obfuscate.
Jo:No, I'm not familiar. Are you yeah? Okay, yeah, do you use this word?
Matt:I'm not really, but it's often in books, so I'm surprised.
Jo:Okay, you have a run across it.
Matt:I mean when I say often I don't know.
Jo:I said that it's so I read books. I was very confused. I was like okay, what? How do you know that?
Matt:When I say books, I think I mean like articles maybe.
Jo:Textbooks.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:Anyway, probably not the books I'm reading.
Matt:To render obscure, unclear or unintelligible the spelling changes will deform some familiar words and obfuscate their etymological origins. Oh, my goodness, that was. I think that.
Jo:I probably have seen that stuff and I just context clued it, yeah.
Matt:I'm a big context clue, girly. Yeah, it just makes yeah, to make it unclear, to make it Okay, yeah.
Jo:Can I see it again?
Matt:Obfuscate.
Jo:Obfuscate. Okay, it disappeared the moment. You Sorry.
Matt:Swipe through with my hand Obfuscate, obfuscate.
Jo:Okay, I'm that one's hard for me. The thing is, I feel like a Kimbo is really the only word that stuck with me. Yeah, I'm going to have to just get more and fair it.
Matt:I used that this week. You did I used ferreting around.
Jo:Where did we do that? I have no idea, but I was proud of myself.
Matt:Oh boy, we really jammed it in there.
Jo:if I remember correctly because it really stood out, but yeah, but it's supposed to be a good thing.
Matt:It's the word of the week. It is, that's true, all right.
Jo:Greg's reads. Greg sent us some individual articles. I believe this. Oh wow, this week, just to Lamont and myself, only one, I guess, okay, article number. Oh Okay, greg's reads of the week. Yes, my dad sends us lots of articles and Greg is your dad.
Matt:Greg is my dad and we.
Jo:And we like to rate the articles based on only the headline on a scale of one to five of how much anxiety that headline gives us. Yep, so headline number one Ryan Reynolds, deadpool three. Pt reveals the stars diet and workout secrets.
Matt:Oh, deadpool three.
Jo:Oh god, I got it. I was like PT. Yeah, I yeah, it's physical therapist. As I read that I was like I. I was like a personal trainer.
Matt:Not, it has to be personal trainer yeah. Pt normally means physical therapist. It does not, in this case, like why does he have a physical therapist for the movie?
Jo:That doesn't give me the anxiety.
Matt:No, no, zero anxiety.
Jo:Which is kind of a nice like shift. It's a nice change, you know. Next one this 33 year old mom is not here to take career advice for men. Here's why Is it about you.
Matt:I mean, you're not 33, but they could just mess that up.
Jo:No, it is a girl that I follow on TikTok, though.
Matt:Oh.
Jo:Dad's been really into. Like my dad doesn't do TikTok, but he reads articles about TikToks that have gone viral.
Matt:Do you know what I mean? Sure, you know what, though? I think there's a fair amount of content that just is that, like people write it, it's for people.
Jo:Articles about viral TikToks. Yeah, yeah so.
Matt:Especially if it has something that has like a message that can be turned into an article.
Jo:Right, this didn't give me any anxiety. I did. I had already seen the video prior. I follow the girl that was in the video. I did not read the article because I'm assuming I already had the gist from having seen the video that went viral.
Matt:Yeah, I would think so. Zero out of five. Again, this has been a low stress week. No anxiety there.
Jo:Okay, last article for Greg this week Bridging the gap. Three realistic ways the lost generation can catch up to their boomer parents in the race to build wealth.
Matt:Five out of five. Five Four, five. Yeah, it's up there, so we'd have really punched it at the end.
Jo:I don't want to be in a race.
Matt:A race to what the end of our life.
Jo:Yeah, I don't I. Why are we behind?
Matt:I don't like that.
Jo:I want to not think about my finances for like six months.
Matt:Oh yeah, I thought you meant like forever, so I was like so that means being independently wealthy.
Jo:That would be really cool, don't get me wrong. And I realized that I just said I don't want to build wealth and I also don't ever want to think about my finances.
Matt:No, we don't want to think about building wealth. It would be nice to just have it there. I think most people feel that way.
Jo:Yeah, I guess.
Matt:You're right. I don't think that's a hot take to be like. I wish I just had all of the money I could ever need.
Jo:I wish that things just worked themselves out, that I didn't have to be involved Completely, though.
Matt:Like not even a little bit Just. I wish it was just in the bank right now.
Jo:I, you know, you know what.
Matt:I don't even want that. I want a money. Person Just handles Me too.
Jo:Like I need, this, I want, and then they just make that happen. I want a handler, yeah.
Matt:Yeah, I want to be treated as though I'm a child.
Jo:But I want to be able to do anything I want.
Matt:Whatever I want.
Jo:In my own decisions. How do I, how do I get that gig?
Matt:I'm pretty sure there's several movies about, like millionaire children that run just like this.
Jo:Yeah, like what we're talking about. Does that gig exist?
Matt:Which part.
Jo:Anything I just named Like, do you think that?
Matt:Being the person that does all the things. Yeah, that definitely exists for people.
Jo:No, but the person that gets to, just not. But do you think they're happy?
Matt:I don't know. I mean that's kind of tough. I don't know that it's relevant.
Jo:I have a lot of questions Like.
Matt:I think the things that they're unhappy with are definitely not the things that most people are unhappy with.
Jo:That's probably true, but I think their problems are way harder to solve.
Matt:Well, you're then dealing with problems you can't solve with money, which most people's immediate concerns can be addressed with finances usually.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Matt:Once you have that all solved out, then you can. You really only have things you can't handle that way.
Jo:I hear you. I hear you. Should we jump into voicemails?
Matt:Which makes it unrelatable.
Speaker 4:Do you know what?
Jo:I just realized what Neither of us are wearing our wedding rings.
Matt:Well, that's part of the podcast. Is that what we're going to announce?
Jo:Yeah, matt lost his wedding ring. No, I know where it is. I do too I don't mind it too.
Matt:Yeah, it's not been high on the list of things I needed to get done today.
Jo:Well, I just looked down and saw I didn't have mine on.
Matt:So I looked over it. It's very unfreezy.
Jo:You know what to be wearing, though I know, and I realize you don't have yours on either.
Matt:So yeah, normally I do remember to at least put it on for the podcast so that the internet thinks we're married still.
Jo:Right, of course. Thanks, babe, no problem. Okay, voicemail number one. Voicemail number one. Hit it.
Speaker 4:Hi Jo and Matt. It's my second time recording a voicemail for the pod and I am super thrilled that that's an option. If you'll remember me, I'm the reporter originally from NWA, but at the time I was working up in Coastal Delaware. But I have kind of a fun job update for you. So last time we talked I was dealing with a lot of burnout and really struggling to drive my career forward while also maintaining some work-life balance and turns out I just needed a new job. I'm now working in Raleigh, north Carolina, still as a reporter, but I have a lot more work-life balance and my company really prioritizes that. So I am much happier and starting off 2024 in the best way.
Speaker 4:But I come to you with a new question. So I know you guys have talked about having a lot of long-distance friends that you travel to see, and it's now my fourth time moving hours away, and so now I have friends strewn pretty much all over the country and I'm looking for tips and tricks on staying connected, especially because I'm trying to spend a little bit less time on my phone. But I want to maintain those friendships, so any advice you have is great. I also want to let you know that you guys were in my top five podcast of 2023 on Spotify, which says a lot Because, as a reporter, I listened to a lot of news podcasts, but you guys still made the cut. Okay, love y'all and talk soon.
Jo:Wow, I love that. Okay, well, congratulations on the new job. We like Raleigh, we've been there and it's great, so that's exciting.
Matt:I'm glad that you're feeling more balanced and you still sound like you would be better at this Better at this than us.
Jo:I love that question though.
Matt:Yeah, great question.
Jo:So I think this is something I actually have a real skill set with is maintaining those long distance relationships. What I will say, a lot of it does require you to be on your phone in some capacity.
Matt:I was going to say I don't know that the time you spend on your phone is connected with people should really be considered like really negative screen time.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:I think the negative screen time is the time that, like you, just an hour and a half disappear watching short form videos.
Jo:Or whatever. You know that you get drawn into. Matt likes to watch documentaries, on documentaries.
Matt:That's been his new fixation, yeah, I just I'm using those like podcasts. Quite frankly, I'm only watching I don't know 20% of the video, but I'm listening to 95% of the audio. Still not 100%, but pretty close.
Jo:Okay, tip number one I'm going to say anytime you think of a long distance friend, send them a voice memo, Like if you have some thought about them and you haven't been able to catch each other via FaceTime or whatever it is for a while. Shoot them a voice memo, let them know that you're thinking of them. It doesn't have to require, like, any kind of response, just to kind of let them know that you're on, that they're on your mind. Number two Marco Polo. If you don't use Marco Polo, it is an app where you can. Basically, it's like a texting version of FaceTime or like a video version of text messaging.
Matt:I was going to say. It's kind of just like you were just talking about voice memos. Same thing, just with video.
Jo:Yeah, and so you guys can be live watching each other and go back and forth, but you can also leave people a video for them to go back and watch later and they can respond to the later date, and I find that's a really good way to keep up with friends that are further away and I think also just having realistic expectations of how often you're going to talk to friends that are further away. Yeah, like I just, I have some friends that I know are my really good friends and I know that if I need something that, and if same goes for them that we very much are ride or die for each other, we will show up. I'll fly wherever I need to go, but maybe we only talk three or four times a year.
Jo:And that's okay, we keep up through little messages here and there and but for the most part we only do like three or four big talks a year.
Matt:That's got some of our like long distance relationship advice kind of tied to it and that it's just more of a trust thing and it's you know people are busy and they have their own lives going on, so it's not one, it's not all on you and two, there's just a level of trust there that if you know they're your friend and you have a confidence in that relationship, hopefully they feel the same. For sure.
Jo:And then, lastly, I was going to say trying to group people, like grouping your friends. If you have that, like I know for me, my high school friends are spread out all over the country, so instead of trying to go visit all of them individually, we try to, like every other year, all get together. I'm really fortunate because I live the closest out of anybody to our hometown and a lot of my friends live so far away that for Christmas they still fly back to Missouri to be with their parents and they will drive down and everybody will come see us at once, and that's really convenient and kind to us.
Matt:It used to be that we would go up right Like and go to.
Jo:Springfield and there's a Christmas family party or whatever. But you know, it's just you have to be really intentional and that can be hard, and so I would encourage you to keep up but not burn yourself out, like give yourself space to you know do it.
Matt:Yeah, you're recovering from a different burnout, so congrats on that.
Jo:Yeah, that is really good. I'm really happy to hear that Okay.
Matt:Another one.
Jo:A voicemail number two. Hi, jo and Matt, I hope you guys are doing well.
Speaker 3:I've listened to your podcast for a very, very long time and I love it and anytime I'm feeling, you know, a little bit down just makes me smile. So thank you for that. I started hearing you guys had a not so great holidays with your family and all that. I also had a not so great holidays with family and health and things like that. So I totally get where you're coming from. But, jo, I also got an iPad, so I relate to you there. I'm very excited about it.
Speaker 3:My question is kind of for Jo. I know that you've been struggling and working with your mom and her condition for a while now and just this past, past January, my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I'm a full time university student, I work and I just I'm kind of really struggling with balancing, you know, being there for my mom as kind of her main support and also being able to kind of excel in school and other areas of my life, and I just kind of wanted to know how you have kind of found that balance in your life and how you've been able to be there for your mom and also be there for yourself. Yeah, that was my question. Love you guys so much. Keep it up. You're the best influencers out there, so love you guys.
Jo:We love you and I'm really sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. I wish I had better words for you in this because as I'm listening to your question, I don't. I don't know that I've ever struck a balance with that, and I've definitely gone through really hard seasons with people that I love and trust telling me that I am. You know, when I've made certain choices, the sentence oh well, you're going to regret that later has been said to me multiple times and that has stuck with me very heavily and it's made a lot of tears in my relationships just because I've allowed that statement to do that like to really hit me really deeply. And so my first bit of feedback would be if anybody has said that to you or if you are putting that in your own mind. Matt, you said this to me at one point as I was kind of working through that, and that is you're going to regret things no matter what.
Speaker 4:Yeah, like those choices.
Jo:Yeah, it doesn't matter, and you know it's funny because I don't really believe in regret in that way, like I really try to not live my life that way. But when it comes to the health of a parent and when it comes to grief, and when it comes to grieving experiences that you wish you were going to have, and trying to make all the right choices for future, you there are always going to be things that you could have done differently and there are always. Like you, you don't know what you don't know until you know it and then when you know it, it seems really obvious. But have lots of grace for present you not knowing. And if you can talk to a therapist and kind of get in that mindset of not going back and thinking of past you and trying to hold past you to some completely unachievable, you know what I'm trying to say.
Matt:For sure. Thank you Again. What you're saying there is, it is just true, like if you know, if, when this situation ends and your, your parent, passes on, just in whatever situation that is, you're, you're, no matter how much you do you'll regret not doing.
Jo:I don't even know that it's regret, I think, no matter what you'll wish you had more time with people.
Matt:That's really that.
Jo:Yeah, that says it better than I was saying it but well, and I was saying the same thing, and so there's no limit to where that ends.
Matt:You could do almost everything, and there would still be more that you wished you could do.
Jo:And so I think the best thing you can do with balance is ensure that you're taking care of you first.
Matt:Yeah, that, it's the classic put on your mask first before you help others.
Jo:Yeah, so if you're in school right now and you're studying, make sure you're prioritizing that first Because, no matter what, that is important for your future and your continuation.
Matt:So like very much like getting that mindset of I need to put my own mask on first, Um, but I hopefully I mean not to interrupt, but hopefully your parent also wants the best for you in your life and, um, they may or may not keep that perspective present with them, but if you're having discussions like that and, um, if you have a relationship where you can communicate that and say, hey, I'm struggling with this, but I really want to be there, but also I'm really trying to do the best for me and it's taking a lot.
Matt:And hopefully they. They are there in a capacity to say yes, I want you to do the things in your life that you want to do and succeed, but I think you hit the nail on the head of where it gets complicated is, as a person going through Going through major health struggles, it's really hard to keep that mindset ever present.
Jo:And so it's going to be up to you to keep that mindset ever present for yourself, and it's going to be up to you to give yourself lots of grace, and it's going to be up to you to not let um harsh words penetrate your relationship. I think maybe, maybe that's not um your family dynamic. I have no idea.
Matt:Hopefully that's not the case, but even if it is, try and. I just try and give yourself a little bit of objective.
Jo:I have a really warm, very positive, very uplifting mom. Like my mom has always wanted the best for me and even her, who is probably the most rose colored glasses, works really hard to maintain perspective person I have ever met in my entire life with any kind of chronic illness and we've still struggled with that, or I have, I don't know that she has. But and so that's. I don't know, I don't know.
Matt:Yeah, no it's kind of hard. It's just a hard situation Cause.
Jo:I'm not a perfect answer because it sucks. I'm not good at it.
Matt:Yeah, yeah. You always want to try and do more and more, to a point where you actively, you know definitely actively done harm to myself in order to try and fulfill obligations that I put on myself.
Jo:Yeah, yeah, and I it's really hard. It really is because you don't want to have those feelings of I didn't do enough or I didn't do the right things or whatever it is, and I really think it's a really big lesson in practicing just giving yourself space to exist and make mistakes and it'd be okay.
Matt:Yeah, so hopefully, if that wasn't good advice for you, you are at least seen.
Jo:Yes, we see you. We see you, we're with you. It's, it's hard.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:And, honestly, the other thing I was going to say is I know there are a lot of different support groups out there for people who are in similar shoes, and I think that can be really, really helpful to have people to talk to, because one of the hardest things that I've experienced especially I think through high school and college the most, and then also into my journey of motherhood is not feeling like I'm having the same experience as most of my peers, and while there are exceptions and I I have a really unhealthy habit of being like, well, it could be worse, it could be worse, it could be worse and it can always be worse, but that doesn't mean that what you're experiencing isn't hard. I have to repeat that to myself a lot, and so finding some of those people to talk to, I think, can be really enlightening, yeah, and just like making out feel so lonely.
Matt:Yeah, and you'll probably have great perspective after this situation. But getting perspective sucks, like it usually comes from stuff that sucks. So it builds character, but characters not very fun to build.
Jo:Not always yeah.
Speaker 5:Hi, jo and Matt. I've been listening since the early days of middle ground and then transferred over to over sharing as well whenever y'all started this one. I absolutely love y'all's content and I hope y'all keep creating for a long, long time, as long as y'all are in the mental space to do so. Anyway, I have. It's a two part question. My first question is a little backstory. My little sister is expecting.
Speaker 5:We have nieces and one nephew and as they're getting into that toddler phase, I'm starting to get baby fever. And I don't know how I feel about that, because I've never seen myself as one 10 kids and even though I have the baby fever, I can't get over the fear of losing myself in my life. That I have now my career, all of that jazz, but I have baby fever anyway. So if you have any advice on how to, I guess, navigate this part of my life, that would be great. And then my second question is does Matt play video games and, if so, how did he transition his playing a video games with fatherhood? I ask because my husband plays and he plays video games a lot over the weekends and I'm just, it's not concerned, because I know he would prioritize our children, if we have any. It's just the easiest transition from late nights of playing. Anyway, I'm running out of time. I love y'all. I hope that was understandable and have a great day.
Matt:A little something for both of us.
Jo:Well, I wanted to start by saying what about becoming a parent makes you think that you lose yourself? I guess, like you don't have to lose your career, you don't have to lose yourself, you do lose the experience. That is just you too, and I understand that entirely.
Matt:It also definitely compresses your time. You have significant obligations outside of the ones you currently have.
Jo:But I don't like to think of it as something lost. I don't think I see it that way. I think that you can very wholly experience all of those things while being a parent, if you have the relationship in the support system is what I would say.
Matt:The support system, or means to create your own support system with child care.
Jo:I think we're very much each other's support system and then we have the privilege of being able to pay for child care, like Matt just said, and I don't know. I love having kids and I knew I wanted kids and so I think that's kind of a hard question for me. I think it's one of those things that if it's not a hell, yes, like I know a lot of people say that and I don't know. I know the thing that I hear people say a lot is if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no. But I don't know how I feel about that because I don't feel like you were ever I think if you're like really, really hell.
Matt:yes, I think a lot of people haven't really looked at it very thoroughly. I agree, because there is absolutely sacrifices you're going to make. A lot of them are good and they're not the end of the world, but it's definitely a compromise. That's way more poignant than my advice. I was just going to say maybe get hungover and then hang out around them and then see how you feel. No, actually the kids were great today, which is great because I was not. But yeah, again, baby fever is what it is.
Matt:You sound very level headed, in that you won't make a rash decision.
Jo:Right. Well, kids are also only kids for such a short season, and I think that that's something people forget. Your life's changed forever because you are forever a guiding light for this person that you've brought into the world, and I think that you have responsibility for the people that you bring into the world, both financially, emotionally, physically and all of that.
Matt:They didn't choose it, so it's 100% on you.
Jo:Right, but they also grow up to be adults and independent, completely autonomous people, and so I think people get really caught up of the permanency of babies and little, but they're only little, for it's so short.
Matt:Yeah, if you want to really experience the passing of time and be like the thing is before kids you don't have as many Like. You have your birthday and holidays and other than that you don't have a lot of markers of time passing Go ahead and have a kid or multiple kids and you're going to see like how much time passes and how much people change and yeah, it's nuts.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Yeah, cause our kid's going to be three in the summer.
Jo:One of my friends from and that's three years. Yeah, one of my friends from high school had a baby our senior year and he turns 13 this year.
Matt:High school.
Jo:Yeah, not high school, yet 8th grade. Oh, okay, he'll be in 8th grade and that's crazy. Wow, you know, I don't know.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:And she's our age, which is the part that blows the mind. I don't have a ton of help with that, other than if you want all of those things, you can have them. I'm not saying that it'll be easy, I'm not saying that it will be, you know, ideal, but if you want it, it can be yours, and if you don't, that's okay too.
Matt:Yeah, you don't have to be in a rush. Yep, I agree with that. It's if you're not prepared for it at this time in your life. That's a great thing to know.
Jo:Video games.
Matt:Video games. Yeah, I play video games. The thing is, if he plays late at night, ideally your kids are asleep. Yeah, the first couple months that's not going to be the case.
Jo:I'd say the first six months. Yeah, that's not the case.
Matt:But they will be sleeping in those stretches Right, and they go to bed early. So if you're staying up late doing that now, you are compromising how much sleep you get. Yeah, well, probably be a choice. You make less and less, but yeah, no, I still play video games. I mean not as much as I did before, but I don't know that that's the biggest loss either.
Jo:No, not to me. I don't get the video game thing yeah.
Speaker 5:It's not for me.
Jo:Yeah, yeah, but you love it Like you really enjoy playing Again when I play online.
Matt:it's honestly one of the ways I keep up with my long distance friends, so it's nice that way. But if you really want to do it, you can do it, especially if you do it at night.
Jo:Well, and I was going to note, not everybody's kids sleep though, because people have been asking me that a lot. They're like when do you read, when do you do these things? And the thing is like our kids go to bed relatively early. We have well, we don't go to bed until way too late. If we were on a good sleep schedule, we would still have two to three hours of time to spend with one another or doing a hobby, or picking up the house or doing chores every single night before going to bed, and then we could get eight to nine hours of sleep.
Matt:Yeah, If we were really yeah.
Jo:If we were doing a good job but we're not If we had a good sleep schedule. Instead, we spend.
Matt:Instead we have like five to six hours together, yeah, and we don't sleep enough and it's not good for you.
Jo:Yeah, so I don't recommend that.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:But we have really good sleepers and we didn't do anything for that. Our kids are just kind of good sleepers.
Matt:But even if your kids waking up in the night, like let's, even when they're earlier, when they wake up every couple hours, you could play video games between those times, right, if you like. If they, you put them down at eight and they wake up at 1030,. You can play from eight, 30 to 10.
Jo:And we did that when, when they're little and waking up twice in the night, each of us like I know a lot of people we did do a good job of that, but each of us would take one shift of waking up and then that way, one of us could sleep in a longer like each of us could sleep in a longer stretch.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, Cause we were doing bottles entirely too, which was made that possible. But yeah, because, for example, let's say, we put her down at eight and she's going to wake up at 11, um, you would go to sleep at eight, I'd go to bed, I would stay up until 11.
Speaker 5:And then put her back down.
Matt:Yeah, I could stay up play video games until 11 or midnight or whatever that happened, but I just knew I wasn't, and then you would sleep until the next one.
Jo:That would be, or whatever it is.
Matt:Yeah, maybe at 2, 30 or three or whatever. That is, um, yeah, unless you really want to play a lot of video games and you can just roll in through both. But uh, don't recommend. Yeah, you're going to need some naps or something. That's a tough choice, but if, again, if you want to make it happen, you can make it happen it if you want to. If you're going to play 30 hours a week, that's unlikely but that's yeah, it'll be all right. Emails you guys send us emails too, so swearing in front of the kids. I know you guys don't really watch your mouth in front of your kids. Neither do I, but my two year old is becoming a parrot and literally repeating us every opportunity. On more than one occasion Now we have found our say our son saying oh shit, when he dropped something, when something breaks, et cetera. It is so funny and cute when he's saying it and he's mostly saying it in context. I just don't want it to bite me in the ass later. Any ideas or advice?
Jo:So we have not, we haven't really run into this yet. She said a few words here and there, but very rarely. But this is what my sisters did growing up. My sisters would correct their kids and say oh, that's a mommy and daddy word or that's a grownup word, you can pick what you want. I liked mommy and daddy words, just because they could really understand that.
Jo:And then my sister would tell them when you're a mommy and daddy like now, as they're as they get older, that works at the two, three, four stage they get older and they can start understanding the words in context, you can start having more in depth conversations about, like, what they are, where we use them, why they. But when they're really little that's what my sisters did and the kids ended up dropping them pretty quickly they're like, oh, okay, that's mommy and daddy, like you know, because, like, for us it's the same things, like with drinks and stuff. Like if we have an energy drink out and G reaches for it, we're like, oh, that's a mommy, daddy drink and she knows that she can't have that, and we like replace it. And so that would be my best advice.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Jo:I don't know that. I have not actively done that. I just know people who have.
Matt:Yeah she's. She's led a couple fly, but not rarely. Yeah, the other day I intentionally said, dang it, and she said damn it. Yeah, she said damn it after me. I was like oh well, I mean, I guess maybe it doesn't even matter if I pretend, she might just just let it fly.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:But again it also when they get older. Our goal is to teach context of a time and a place like you can. These are things you can say at home or by yourself.
Jo:I'm shocked that she hasn't picked up the F word. That's the thing that I'm really really shocked. I'm waiting for that, not that we the thing is, I guess I don't know how much.
Matt:I think shit is really the one that like, really grab, just because it's in the heightened moments, you know okay, yeah, I guess fuck his too.
Jo:I don't, I don't do that, I don't feel like I say shit that much.
Matt:I say both probably more than I realize, but I don't know, I'll be curious. Yeah.
Jo:I'm more worried about the music and like having to teach context with music because we listen to themes. Yeah, like that's kind of where my impending terror is on how I have that conversation.
Matt:Yeah, all right. Like is that going to?
Jo:backfire on me.
Matt:Drugs and stuff that's in the music.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Yeah, that makes sense. Again, as they get older, the conversations are more nuanced and when they're younger, hopefully you can make a, make a boundary there. That's like hey, those are words that you hear us use because we're we're mom and dad. Next email in defense of the clean laundry bin. Hi, jo and Matt. I've been following Jo on TikTok for a while and recently started listening to the podcast. Love listening to you both chat so much that I'm 15 episodes away from having listened to them all. So, wow, that's some quick catch up. Good job. I really see my partner, I and you too, which is fun. It's like a little peek into the future.
Matt:I'm here in your inbox to defend the clean laundry bin. I have one of each of the examples below and they really helped me keep my space from getting overwhelmed. Some ways a clean laundry bin can be used one to collect clean clothes that were put on the bed or put on but not worn. This is great. If you're the type of person that tries multiple outfits on for picking what you're wearing, for sensory reasons or whatever else this helps with. Those items usually end up on the floor, but now they have a home and you can put them away, when you put the way the rest of your clean laundry, or when the bin is full or when you can't find things anymore. That's honestly that that makes sense.
Jo:Yeah, that makes sense.
Matt:Yeah, that would help me in some capacity, for sure.
Jo:Two no go ahead, you're good. What are you thinking? Nothing, keep going.
Matt:Okay. Number two to collect clothes, pjs or items that have been worn a little bit but aren't dirty enough to wash yet, but too dirty to be put away.
Jo:That makes the most sense to me. Okay, yeah, the other one doesn't. I would still mix it with like trying on stuff. It doesn't not make sense to me. I can understand it for other people. I just like don't put it down.
Matt:put it away, Don't put it down, put it away. That's the ideal.
Jo:But don't put it down. Put it away Because, like for me, if I'm putting it into a basket, that's just one more basket of stuff I have to put away. Yeah, we've had some baskets of stuff Matt and I have been really having this conversation a lot because Matt likes things to get to like absolutely like irrecoverable.
Matt:Not irrecoverable, but unhinge. Like unignorable levels. The pressure has to build to the point where I'm like I have to fix this.
Jo:And then he likes to do all of it at once, whereas I like to do like nothing. Ever really looks that messy. For me, like a really good example is our vanities in our bathroom. Yeah, there might be one or two things on my vanity, but for the most part I clear it every single day and it's because when it looks like your vanity gives me so much anxiety.
Matt:I know. A lot of times it's stuff that's been taken from other places and put there for a picture just because yeah, but it gives me so much anxiety I can't even look at it.
Jo:I can't even look at it. And the thing is, if it was just a little bit when I do mine, I would do yours. Do you know what I mean With a lot of things, that's what I do.
Matt:That stuff doesn't have a home. I don't even know what it is.
Jo:Well, we should take the time and do that together. But we've been having a lot of conversations about that, because I walked into the kitchen tonight and it was like remember Matt's not having his best day. The entire island was just.
Matt:It was disgusting.
Jo:It was just. I don't even understand.
Matt:I had the thought 30 minutes before and I was like I have to fix this tonight. Because, some of it is the kids and some of it was me absolutely not finishing jobs because I was like I can't. Right now I'm going to peel this apple and I'm just going to leave everything right where I left it.
Jo:And the thing is we reset the kitchen every single night. Usually Matt does it, sometimes I step in and help with it, but the kitchen gets reset every single night in our house, and so this morning the island was completely cleared, and as Matt peels bananas or opens up a snack for Gardner, he leaves the trash on the countertop. He leaves the banana peel on the countertop. Any knife he used to cut something on the countertop, all of the plates from every single meal our kids were fed today.
Matt:Today was not good either, because I had a bowl that I was collecting the trash in.
Speaker 3:You found the countertop trash can that I was using and you were like what is this pile of trash?
Matt:And I was like that is actually a system. I didn't tell you this, but I was like that was a system I was using today that I'm not proud of.
Jo:But that's the thing I don't struggle with. I understand. Looking at it, I can see the little things you're doing. I saw that you don't think I didn't notice that there's loads of trash in this bowl on the counter. But the thing is, the trash can's three steps away and it's just.
Matt:It's like eight steps away, and eight steps today was a lot at certain points.
Jo:I just it's really hard for me and so I think that's kind of me. With that basket it's just like if you just do it as you go and I know that's not how everybody's brains works Well, let me tell you.
Matt:Then you're going to hate option number three for the green basket no.
Jo:When I say all of that, I want to be clear before we go into option number three. I am not being critical of other people's methods, I'm just saying that would never work for me, if there's anything in your life that works for you don't do it. If it's not actively hurting somebody else, it makes total sense to me why that would work for other people. I'm just saying it would never work for me.
Matt:And so I appreciate your defense of the basket.
Matt:Yeah, Honestly, the first two wouldn't be a bad choice for me. Three, a dedicated laundry bin for when clothes are clean but not put away yet. Help for when you just don't have the capacity to put them away yet, but you still need to put dirty clothes into the laundry bin. This one might not be the right choice if you're the type of person that needs to use the consequence of having anywhere to put your dirty laundry as a motivation to put it away. But if you get your motivation elsewhere, it can help reduce the routine disruption on busy weeks or times when you have less mental or physical capacity.
Jo:I do that one.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:It's just not a basket, it's a reading chair.
Matt:It's a chair and several baskets. And then the motivation to do it is when we run out of baskets doing laundry and I'm like, well, I guess we got to put some baskets away because we don't just want to throw the clothes on the floor.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:That's stay away from number three if you can't handle it. And if you can't handle it, you probably don't need it.
Jo:True.
Matt:Anyway, this person said I like lab ADHD and fine bins help me reduce clutter, overwhelm, decision fatigue, and I love a system. You've laid your systems out beautifully, in full detail.
Jo:I think that's awesome if it works, that's great. Our biggest problem is we have one person that has ADHD and we have one person that doesn't have ADHD, yes, and the systems actively work against one another, and so we're trying to figure out how well not work against one another, because your systems don't work against me, they annoy me, which?
Matt:is something I need.
Jo:That's not an issue with the system.
Matt:That's something I need to work through so grievances with how the system looks at times or yeah, that's really the primary. The timing of the systems. That can be an issue.
Jo:Yes, and so that's something we got to.
Matt:Again, often it's just ADHD behavior. That is not a system. But if there's a system that I can explain to you usually like OK, I will try and work with that. Yeah, but if it's just like I didn't finish anything, that's not a system, that's a deficit.
Jo:I try to be accommodating to some extent. Yeah, ok, do you have another email?
Matt:She also ordered your book club sweater.
Jo:Oh, thank you, I wore that yesterday.
Matt:Yeah, and from Canada, so Shosteam.
Jo:We love Canadians.
Matt:All right, happy holidays, hi Joan. Matt, I'm curious what your thoughts are on the question how many holes does a straw have in his water wet? I really enjoy the podcast, with you guys showing up weekly and being a high vibration light space on social media. That's nice.
Jo:Yeah, thank you. Water's wet. I understand that it's not wet, but it's wet. Yeah, yeah, because if you make the argument that water isn't wet, then nothing like. Then words stop meaning things. What?
Matt:molecular level do you want to get down to? To clarify what is wet and what is dry and what the barrier is between them?
Jo:Right. At what point do we start like words don't mean anything anymore? If we break it down that much and that is one of my biggest grievances with just the internet is trying to really micromanage how we use words and things.
Matt:Oh, she loved living with me. The word police. No, you're the word police in that you want really specific, you want to have a really accurate word that encompasses everything really neatly 90% of the reason I know lots of words is because I'm like this word perfectly describes this in this situation Right, and so I hold on to that.
Jo:Yeah, and so when I talk a lot, you're like that's not exactly perfect and that's different than being like is it wet? Do you know what I mean? Got it yeah. So water's wet. A straw has one hole.
Matt:Yes, yeah, I'm with you. Straw has one hole. I understand the argument, but it is one hole through a very tall piece of plastic.
Jo:Right.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:It has two openings.
Matt:Sure, I don't think anyone's going to debate that. Yeah, but it's one hole. How many openings does a straw have? One.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Yeah, I don't think a lot of people will fight you on that.
Jo:OK, that's what I think.
Matt:Which is why I think we're right, yeah.
Jo:OK, that was both the questions right.
Matt:Yeah, no, that was both of them, so I hope. I mean, you might have been hoping for a better debate.
Jo:No, I think that we're both pretty different, Like we agree.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:That is something I am learning about. Matt and I we agree most of the time.
Matt:Yeah, and usually if somebody is truly passionate about it, the other way, the other person probably is not.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:There's very few things that we're both passionate about. We agree about the laundry basket or the kitchen counter or the dishwasher, so the thing is you feel passionately about the kitchen counter, and that's why I clear it off every night. Now, yeah, Like I don't do a good job through the day, but I have.
Jo:No, but you do clear it every single night and that is insanely appreciated and it makes a huge difference. Yeah, Our lives been much more Honestly.
Matt:It just makes the rest of my life more doable because it puts her not in an actively bad mood, which is the way it was before.
Jo:It causes me a lot. Yeah, it causes me a lot of stress. It's funny because I have a hard time remembering who I was when I lived by myself.
Matt:Yes.
Jo:Because I've lived with you long enough now that sometimes I question I'm like am I really messy, you know?
Matt:No, yeah, you're not really messy. You weren't messy. Ok, there were spaces where you were messy, but you keep it very contained. It's like my car. Yeah, ok, your car looks like someone lives in it.
Jo:My car is really bad. It's not dirty, it just has a lot of stuff.
Matt:If you take all this stuff out, Depends on how you feel about fast food, bags and dirty, but yes, OK.
Jo:I'm talking especially when you were living by yourself because you were Traveling for weddings and everything. Yeah, yeah, you were a lot of driving.
Matt:I hear you.
Jo:Car is dirty.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'm outing everything you do better now yeah.
Matt:I do. I would like to be clear. I'm just thinking back in the day.
Jo:Yeah, I'm not offended. My car has always been a really tough spot for me. Yeah, yeah.
Jo:It's because I had to sign a contract when I turned 16 that I would keep my car vacuumed and that I would keep it with at least half a tank of gas at all times, and that I would all these things. And so then, when I became an adult, I was like I can eat fast food in here. I can throw trash everywhere. That's not like I'm an adult. It's time for me to grow up. But I haven't. I'm still like party.
Matt:Yeah, if that's a habit you have now and you don't have kids, try and break it before you have kids, because it will only make things significantly worse once you have toys, I feel like I've done better with kids. You've done better on certain pieces of trash, but then you have all the things the kids do.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:Like you have all the toys that get thrown in the car and like kids shoes that they remove, that you forget to take out, Like when I say you I'm using it generally.
Jo:we both are doing it. Yeah, I hear you, I'm not taking it personally.
Matt:No, I just wanted to be clear that I'm not like you do all these things and I'm perfect.
Jo:But I want to hear is what was my other really? That's where I'm curious, because I don't recall having another spot. That was really bad.
Matt:I'm trying to.
Jo:Once we moved in together. I have a few, but.
Matt:Laundry was what I was kind of thinking.
Jo:But before we lived together I didn't have a problem with that.
Matt:No.
Speaker 4:No.
Matt:No.
Jo:Because I did my own laundry.
Speaker 3:True.
Jo:And so I did a load, I folded it, I put it away.
Matt:Wild, yeah, yeah, and you didn't cook. So, dishes weren't like if there were dishes it wasn't great.
Jo:The other thing too is, if I did cook, it was only me, so I just hand washed everything and put it away because it was just me.
Matt:I mean, that's how I rolled when I lived by myself.
Jo:Yeah.
Matt:But my kitchen was my only thing that was clean.
Jo:The rest of my house was rough. Matt's apartment in St Louis guys was the scariest.
Matt:I needed about two hours heads up if anybody was coming. It wasn't again.
Jo:I'm going to say the same thing that I said about my car it wasn't dirty Like it wasn't. It's not gross, it was just stuff. Yeah, it was what happens if you?
Matt:let an ADHD brain just go wild.
Jo:Like, for instance, there wasn't food mess anywhere. But when we moved him out of his apartment I think correct me if I'm wrong I found 152 bread ties, not the long ones, the little tabby ones 152. They weren't making to the show. You just like I don't know if you just like open the bread and threw them.
Jo:Well, it wasn't even bread it was probably like apples or something they're on lots of things, yeah, yeah yeah, apples have the little square. But regardless, you didn't throw them away, you just like, were like, and I was like what?
Matt:Yeah, they were just probably on the counter and then they got swept off the counter.
Jo:I remember when we were moving you out to move.
Matt:Arkansas.
Jo:I was like look, I love you, we are engaged. But if I find one damn bread tie not in the trash can in this house. And what I will say? You've always thrown away the bread ties.
Matt:Yeah, yeah.
Jo:You listen to me.
Matt:I think there was an element of like I would take it off and be like I'll put this on when I'm done. And I never did, or maybe I did it's not like they were in a neat stack.
Jo:No, I found them all over the house, like literally in the living room, in the everywhere Me moving has always been a problem Moving someone with unmanaged ADHD.
Matt:you'll just be like, oh, I discovered your sock mountain or something.
Jo:Well, you also show up and he's like, yeah, I'm pretty much done getting back, I'm ready to go. And you show up Because I've moved to you three times that I can think of off the top of my head and you're like yeah, I'm ready to go. And you show up and nothing's in boxes, nothing's ready to go.
Matt:Yeah, that is yeah. Yeah. That's the problem with the people that are too close to you. The people that are too close to you. Sometimes you, you don't take care of it well enough.
Jo:But you're really good at other things.
Matt:Yeah, you made it. You made it through every single move. Yeah, we got through them.
Jo:We did.
Matt:Our last one was the worst. It was bad, bad. Yeah, we made it. We're here now and, hopefully, we don't ever move again.
Jo:It was hard with the kid and I was sick.
Matt:Yes, yeah. So you were left with just my capacity, which is like I'm going to do it. Well, I didn't even want to do it at the last moment, but that's when it really had to had to happen. I stressed about it for about two weeks before the absolute last moment.
Jo:The entire time you stressed about it. I packed boxes, but I was so sick. Yeah yeah, it was not ideal. That's why Matt and I are never moving again. When I I put up the story of the house getting struck by lightning and multiple people commented that we should move, and Matt was like I'd rather the house get struck by lightning every single week the rest of my life than move again.
Matt:Yeah, we're going to just put fiber wherever we don't want things to get burned up, and or we're going to replace a lot of stuff because I don't. That's not a reason I'm going to move. There are reasons to move. Getting struck by lightning one time Again, I think removing the 40 foot lightning rod from four feet away from our house is going to do wonders. For us not getting struck by lightning.
Jo:Probably. So, yeah, all your emails.
Matt:No, oh, ok, no, we have more. Last email. Actually, there were a few other emails, but they were mainly like hey, thanks.
Jo:Matt's going to respond to them.
Matt:We're like the podcast. Thank you, I'm going to try, all right. Happy new year boyfriend troubles. Hi Joan, matt, just want to start off by saying happy new year to you and I hope this brings your family happiness and health also. Long email warning.
Matt:So my boyfriend and I they're both 27 have been dating for six months and because we don't live together, private bedroom time is rare and in, but rare and in between, since we both live with our parents. He was at my house last night and things got spicy, but something caused me to change my mind. I was telling him to stop and telling him to go home. It was late and yet work in the morning. For the first time in our relationship I really felt him use his strength against me in a serious way. Sometimes we play fight wrestle, but last night I was saying no. He held me securely and kept kissing my neck. We were jokesters. So I tickled him to get him to loosen his grip, but after I stopped tickling he tied in his grip again. Eventually he did let up and kissed me good night and left, but I was left just shaken up.
Matt:I'd know generally men are stronger than women, but the fact that he used his strength to hold me kind of had me scared. This all happened last night, so I explained how I was feeling and asked him for some distance for some time For the time being, which he apologized profusely and gave me the space. But how do I go back to feeling normal? I know he's not the type to force himself upon me without consent, but his persistence and the fact that he held me in his arms and I couldn't escape kind of got my mind racing. I love him but I'm a little scared. You have any advice on how I process this? Thanks for being a little weakly light in this dark world. That wasn't the lightest email, but hopefully we handle this well. I.
Jo:Don't know.
Matt:Yeah.
Jo:I feel like I have so much nuance in that kind like in that situation that I really genuinely don't know, because I don't Know y'all's dynamic, I don't know him. I don't know him, I don't know what you were saying. I mean, if you're so shaken up that like if you felt unsafe, I don't know that that's things that you can necessarily come back from. But I also like kind of go through the thought process of Was he aware of how unsafe you?
Matt:Yeah, felt, and, to your credit, it sounds like you've had the discussion and it sounds like he was receptive, so that's positive, but I think you're doing the right thing taking time. Yeah, I really evaluating it, and if you can't regain that feeling of security, I think that's that yeah, and I think that's a conversation you have, then, and I think that's totally a valid. I mean, you can care about somebody and they can make you not feel safe and I think your safety is more important and I think that's the thing.
Jo:I think that if you don't feel safe, I Break up now. That's kind of where I would go because I don't think safety is something that you necessarily regain.
Matt:Again, I would say Take your time.
Jo:I agree with that.
Matt:I think I agree, I think the way you're handling it is very thoughtful and is the right way to do it. But if you take a whatever stretch of time you think you need and it's still not Changing and you don't feel safe, go with your gut.
Jo:Yeah, I agree with that. I don't. I don't feel like I have a really insightful advice for that.
Matt:No, no. I think the only thing we would have probably said is communicate.
Jo:Yeah, what your experience was?
Matt:exactly what you did that and the conversation was had.
Jo:Yeah, you're doing the right thing that is like Matt and I had a conversation with some people over the holidays that, like it's scary being a woman for that very reason is, men are not necessarily like. I'm not saying their heart, I'm not saying who they are, I'm not saying you know, but men are scary for that reason. It's the same reason that, like, big dogs are scary just the potential.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, the potential and you have to be, you have to take precautions, like again with the big dog example. You should be smart in how you approach big dogs, because I mean really any dogs, but big dogs, especially because of the potential most likely not a problem, but it exists. And so, yeah, men, I guess are just big dogs which I mean in some ways.
Jo:I know.
Matt:I mean our One-year-old. He's kind of a little dog. The amount of things that he carries around in his mouth while he crawls around, yeah, looks exactly like a dog.
Jo:He little tank.
Matt:Yeah, he's a unit.
Jo:But well, anyway, I hope that's helpful. Yeah, I think you're doing all the right things and I really celebrate you Having the conversation and standing up for yourself. I think that's really admirable and exactly as it should be that experience Sucks.
Matt:It made me very uncomfortable reading it. But I'm sorry on behalf of men, just for who we are not like. Who we are like that's who we should be or anything like that. But we just, you know, not the best behaved big dogs in the world. So we're, hopefully we're trying to improve.
Jo:Generally generation. Yeah we're on the up and up as a breed. Can't clip that, no, the whole internet don't.
Matt:Yeah, you could crop you out of it, like they would just not hear you or see you and you'd still get blamed for it. I know, I know well.
Jo:On that note. We love you guys. We'll be back next week. Please leave us more voicemails. Email us and we'll come back if there's any topics you guys are wanting to see. I know I say that all the time and I'm hoping to get back on my Instagram grind cuz. I yeah posted like ten times and then stopped.
Matt:You were like automatic for a couple weeks and then you know.
Jo:I Need to do. We need to make a team. That's what we need. Yeah, it's just Matt and I like a lot of podcasts. A lot of content creators have teams, because I know that. You know, it's a lot of things.
Matt:We're not ignoring you back. You're part of our team.
Jo:Yeah, Becca's our team.
Matt:We have one other person in our team.
Jo:Everybody go Yay, becca, yeah, and she's the best ever and we love her to death. But but it's a big job for not nothing. Period. Yeah it's a big job for the three of us, though, so yeah, trying to.
Matt:Yeah, try to lock it in, all right. Honestly, I there's more I could do, team wise, so I wasn't gonna say it, yeah, I think the team really probably just needs me to pull some weight in some other areas.
Jo:So yeah, it's just in his breed, you know.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, yeah, not a working dog bad joke.
Jo:I'm sorry, I regretted immediately. It was a little funny. On that note.
Matt:It's not been my day, so you know some of these are deserved.
Jo:No, he's great. All right, we love you guys. Talk soon. Bye.