Car Buying and Career Paths

This week's episode delves into the emotional complexities of daily life, focusing on Matt's recent struggles with anxiety and ADHD and Jo's experiences with parenting. We emphasize the importance of acknowledging feelings, discussing the balance between embracing emotions and managing mental health. Plus updates from life over the last month and our feelings on the new year so far!

If you've got a thought to share or are looking for a bit of advice on something, leave us a voicemail at the link below!

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Transcript

Navigating Social Behaviors and Neurodivergence

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Oversharing with Overbees. I'm Jo. And I'm Matt, and each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails, go in-depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.

Speaker 2 0:10

With that being said, let's get to Oversharing.

Speaker 1 0:14

Matt's prepared this entire episode for you guys. What he has a complete plan of what we're talking about the direction that it's going. False he wants to really talk to you about the feelings he's been having lately and all of his emotions, and his favorite ones, his least favorite ones, what he learned yesterday about dissociation from a quick google search. I'm just reading straight from the outline that you wrote okay, keep reading.

Speaker 2 0:44

Why don't you just run from the top that you wrote? Okay, keep reading. Why?

Speaker 1 0:46

don't you just read from the top.

Speaker 2 0:46

That way, everybody knows where the episode's going to go.

Speaker 1 0:50

Okay, so part one.

Speaker 2 0:52

Okay.

Speaker 1 0:53

You really want me to do this to you.

Speaker 2 0:55

I mean it's not real, but I do want to see how far you can add Lib.

Speaker 1 0:59

I could probably keep going if I really wanted to, but it seems ridiculous at this point. You know what? I just realized? What we are hi everybody. This is a hi everybody week.

Speaker 2 1:11

Yeah, this is the big one.

Speaker 1 1:13

The big one. I laugh at our numbers, not? Maybe that's not the right way to word that. That's not really what I was trying to insinuate, but I. It always blows my mind how many people listen. I get kind of nervous now. Um so the first one of the month like, I feel like on the Patreon.

Speaker 1 1:31

We have our own little thing going Like, we have like inside jokes and we have a little yeah, Like we're all besties there. And then those of you that join in the first of the month I'm happy to have you here, Glad you're here. Uh, you intimidate me a little bit.

Speaker 2 1:44

Yeah, the first of the month. I'm happy to have you here. Glad you're here, uh you intimidate me a little bit.

Speaker 1 1:48

Yeah, why is that? Cause you forget what we talk about? No, they're just they come in so much bigger numbers. Fair, fair enough. I don't think that. It's not that this number of people would uh scare me if it was the Patreon. It's just like the difference in the number.

Speaker 2 2:01

It could just be anyone.

Speaker 1 2:03

It's the difference.

Speaker 2 2:05

Oh.

Speaker 1 2:06

Not the number itself.

Speaker 2 2:08

Huh. That's okay, you don't think about it at all. Not a bit Nope yeah.

Speaker 1 2:13

You don't really think about much.

Speaker 2 2:15

No, that's the trick.

Speaker 1 2:16

You know I find you a really interesting case study in your heads in the sand, but it's not like you're really. This is something okay. I think this applies throughout your entire life and I think it's the same thing about you and I wish more people like this is what I originally. When I first met Matt, I was like 15 years old what I originally. When I first met Matt, I was like 15 years old and this is what I was immediately drawn to about you and you are still this way and I still admire it about you very deeply and it's just evolved in the way that I see it.

Speaker 1 2:55

You are so good at keeping your head in the sand is like the way that I'm like wording it, but I don't mean that. Like you are very good at holding both things, like you're really good at holding two things. Okay, cause what? When a lot of people are at peace and comfort, the way that you seem to be about a lot of stuff. Like you don't let things like things roll off your back, but you're not head in the sand ignoring either. Like you do a good job of acknowledging and holding like big issues and holding people's identities and like making people feel seen and affirmed and making sure that you are speaking up for them While also not getting absorbed in it in any way, like you can still very much have your own identity and your own happiness and like peace at the same time.

Speaker 2 3:57

Oh, I think that's nice. It sounded really good.

Speaker 1 4:01

I can't do that.

Speaker 2 4:02

Oh.

Speaker 1 4:03

I'm either well, I'm not saying I can't I for 15 years. I'm either well, I'm not saying I can't I for 15 years. I'm watching you, trying to learn everything I can, but I'm still like a little toddler, like clumsily trying to enact what I'm seeing rather than actually, um, making it happen okay because I am in two modes. Either I am head in the sand, like I, I'm like la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la, or I am all in, absorbed in whatever.

Speaker 2 4:35

Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 4:36

Politics, but it's not always been that Like I remember socially like I think back to high school and it was socially you were always so good, like the crowds that Matt and I grew up in, um, in high school we were around a lot of really, really smart people who wanted you to know they were smart as well.

Speaker 2 4:55

I think that's a pretty common like high school thing. But that's the crowd deal Like.

Speaker 1 5:00

those are the popular kids, which I don't think is quite at your school.

Speaker 2 5:02

at your school, they were the popular kids, which I don't think is quite it. At your school, at your school, they were the popular kids. Yeah, that's At my school. My school was a typical stereotypical, I should say high school hierarchy. It was not like the smart. But at my school it was Gifted talented kids were the top of the food chain, for sure.

Speaker 1 5:26

And you always did such a good job of when we were sitting at a table together with all kinds of different people, no matter who you were talking to. Like, if somebody talked down to someone, you always stepped in to mitigate and make the person who was speaking down to somebody feel um like I checked them. You checked them them, but not like in a.

Speaker 1 5:46

It was never a funny way sometimes, but always in a way that never made them feel on the defense. You always did it in this really way of like hey, like I can't make a statement of what you would have said, but it would always make them, like, realize what they were doing and maybe make them feel a little like, oh, I shouldn't do that, that's not good.

Speaker 1 6:12

Maybe they felt a little bad about that, but it wasn't bad because of your statement. It was bad because you were truly making them acknowledge their actions, their actions. At the same time, what you would be making the person who was being belittled or being like talked down to, you would bring them right back up and build them up immediately too. With one statement you'd be able to do that and I, like it's been like that, I don't know, guys.

Speaker 2 6:43

You're making me sound like magical.

Speaker 1 6:45

It was. To see somebody that age like, think about that. We're 16, 17 years old.

Speaker 2 6:53

Yeah, that's crazy. I wasn't very socially, I didn't have a great social skills, but I was always hyper aware of if people were feeling less than or I'm realizing now that this is uh asd yeah it well.

Speaker 2 7:15

No, I mean like it's, it's all just part of. Like it's, it's my own little bag of like coping mechanisms and trauma and like everything out, but like that's just one. That's how people are shaped, like I'm not sitting here, like oh, that was my trauma, like it really was, but like that is. Those were the skills that helped me get through my experiences, not always fitting in.

Speaker 1 7:38

It was just like I very much.

Speaker 2 7:41

I was not good in. I learned early not to insert myself, to lay back, to listen and then adapt to that situation rather than like insert and like, hey, this is what I am and who I am, which over time slowly erodes your sense of self, which is not ideal, but it does make you an easy hang in new situations well, but you weren't just an easy hang like that's so dismissive of what I'm trying to explain but the reason I connected it to asd is, I feel like, with all the reading I've been doing about, autism spectrum disorder, by the way yeah, about social uh skills and things is there are a lot of behaviors with when you're on the spectrum or when you're neurodivergent.

Speaker 1 8:32

It's not just ASD Like I think it can be a lot of neurodivergence from what I've read. Yeah, you do a lot of learning social behaviors, like learning patterns of social behaviors, rather than we're all learning about it, but it's um.

Speaker 2 8:48

But it doesn't come from something you feel. It comes from something you see. Yes, it's, it's 100% learned, not Felt, it's not like oh, this is how it feels, like I'm doing the. Thing that I Feel, feel I'm doing the thing that I see and see works like this works.

Speaker 1 9:05

This doesn't work and that's why I bring that up is I'm like oh. I wonder if you were, that was part of why you were so in tune yeah, yeah. I was not because.

Speaker 2 9:14

I'm one of the finest maskers in the world.

Speaker 1 9:16

I well, I was somebody that was usually getting belittled or made fun of yeah, it's true. And so I think that's why but I wasn't really it had to be pretty extreme for me to pick up on it? I didn't usually pick up people like talking down to me.

Speaker 2 9:34

And it was. It was less so like a. This is this bad thing about Joe. It was just like, oh, that's Joe. She's just like stupid pie in the sky. Like just not checked in, not um, which valid.

Speaker 1 9:51

Like you didn't know, like I don't like how I was it was.

Car Shopping and House Purchases

Speaker 2 9:54

It was more about, like the like you being naive or not being in on something it was not but nobody was trying to help me, loop me in, they just left me there they were rarely like. I don't feel like there were a lot of like digs at. It was just like oh, that's Jo, and this is how she is, or whatever. Like it was more. Does that make sense? I feel like there were digs there were both, but I feel like the primary form was just like.

Speaker 1 10:18

People didn't like think I was the worst.

Speaker 2 10:21

No.

Speaker 1 10:21

No, no, no, no. I just had no idea what was going on, yeah.

Speaker 2 10:25

You didn't evoke like strong neck Well.

Speaker 1 10:28

Oh, I think I evoked a lot of strong negative feelings for a lot of people.

Speaker 2 10:33

Yeah, You're just. You were so earnest, and especially in high school. That is not um. Again, you described me. I was basically checked out and people are much more okay with you being aloof than they are with you being earnest. And you were just. You're an earnest person.

Speaker 1 10:50

I had no idea what was going on.

Speaker 2 10:52

Yeah, but you were so enthusiastic about it.

Speaker 1 10:55

I was ready to learn, whereas I was like not enthusiastic about anything.

Speaker 2 11:00

I still struggle with that, but I was definitely not making anyone feel any kind of way.

Speaker 1 11:08

But anyway, I just admire that about you still and I see it so much in you even now. I feel like that's something you're doing really well in this season of like life, and where things are is you're carrying those two things at the same time. Really, that's nice Beautifully is the word that's coming to mind and that feels a little too flowery for what I wanted, but it's not that it doesn't apply it just made it maybe a little bit more um yeah poetic yeah I don't know, is this where I say something nice about you?

Speaker 2 11:43

no, absolutely not. Got Got it yeah.

Speaker 1 11:45

No, I wasn't. That was not the goal of what I was saying, I just I've been thinking about that a lot this week, like interesting. We can give the update on the week. I guess a little bit a little rundown Last month since we talked to you guys, things have been pretty crazy A lot happened.

Speaker 2 12:02

I guess that would have been January. Things have been pretty crazy. A lot happened. I guess that would have been January. Yeah, it was the second week in January, right, yeah, early.

Speaker 1 12:09

Yeah, but a lot happened in January. January felt long, february is already feeling long.

Speaker 2 12:16

I think it might just be a long couple years for those of us that We've talked politics probably too much in the last couple pods so I'm not trying to try it out like that's not really my goal, but it was just it's.

Speaker 1 12:32

There's a lot happening and I am my brain is kind of working overdrive, of feeling like there's just too much information going into it all at once.

Speaker 2 12:42

Yeah, you, you're, you're coping currently.

Speaker 1 12:45

I am having a day and a half where I'm a little. I haven't spiraled too bad, I feel like, but anyway I wanted. That's not even where I was going.

Speaker 2 12:54

Okay.

Speaker 1 12:54

I was just going to say, like January has been crazy and we ended out January um by making our first ever together. Well, really our first ever for either of us big car purchase oh okay, I was like first ever.

Speaker 2 13:11

What? What is she talking about?

Speaker 1 13:13

uh, yes we have purchased cars.

Speaker 2 13:15

Previously, I'd only purchased cars from family members we've done a lot of purchasing cars from family members in the $10,000 to $20,000 range.

Speaker 1 13:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2 13:27

Not anything more than that With 100,000 plus miles on them 75, at least 75 is the least. I had 75 on mine and you had 75 on yours when you got it.

Speaker 1 13:37

Right, my other two vehicles that I owned, one of which I still own had over 100,000. 112, I think yeah, I owned one of which I still own, had over a hundred thousand, I think yeah, the my first, my 04, had like 125 when I got it, I think yeah, and uh, my other one had 110, 115 well loved, well driven. I voiced that because I feel defensive, um, and like I need to prove that.

Speaker 2 14:08

You sound like me. Here's all the reasons that what I did is okay.

Speaker 1 14:14

Well I'm. I have a chip on my shoulder of being privileged.

Speaker 2 14:20

We are. I know, no, I know, but I'm like Part of the reason I get to be so like checked out in the loop is I was really, but so anyway, that's why I'm doing that.

Speaker 1 14:30

Um yeah, so just go ahead, and know that ahead of time it's a personal, that's all right we okay but we've never had a car with less than 75 000 miles on it and this one only has 25 000 miles on it, 26 now.

Speaker 2 14:43

This one only has 25,000 miles on it. 26 now Crazy yeah.

Speaker 1 14:46

And so we did that, and car shopping's just as bad as I have always thought it was.

Speaker 2 14:51

Yeah, I hate it's just the idea of spending that much money on a car.

Speaker 1 14:57

Yeah.

Speaker 2 14:57

Because, like I like cars, but I don't like them that much.

Speaker 1 15:02

And we really didn't even we spent a lot of money. I don't think them that much and we really didn't even we, we spent a lot of money, I don't think it's not a lot of money, but we bought it used, we bought it you know, three years old we yeah. I after car shopping. I'm still having my mind blown that so many people drive new cars.

Speaker 2 15:20

Anything close to me yeah.

Speaker 1 15:22

I don't know. I think I'm just really prone to my tummy hurting.

Speaker 2 15:26

Yeah, just like when it comes to expenditures. Yeah yeah, that's fair. You're more of a big house purchase gal. That's what I was about to say. She's a real estate gal. She doesn't like these depreciating assets.

Speaker 1 15:40

I was about to say that None of our homes have made me feel sick.

Speaker 2 15:47

I was a little nervous when we bought this one oh, I think you've been sick every time. The first time, not too bad the second one it got worse the second one, though I actually felt pretty well, let me think about that. Let me think about that. The second one didn't feel high risk. Let me remind, yes, it did not high.

Speaker 1 16:08

Well, you were more accepting going into the second one because the second one we agreed that with what we purchased it for. So we built our second house.

Speaker 2 16:17

It was a spec home, so it was not a custom build yeah but we got to pick, like paint colors we paid a small custom fee and we got to pick a lot of the stuff like the colors of things yeah a couple minor and we made the doors a little wider so that it was more accessible, things like that stuff.

Speaker 1 16:34

But uh, we went in and the per square foot dollar amount on that was asinine compared to what houses were going for in the market at the time. This was in 2018.

Speaker 2 16:50

Yeah, yep.

Speaker 1 16:52

And we decided to move forward because we wanted to stay in the house for five or six years was our intention, and even if we lost money in those five or six not that we'd lose all of our money or anything like that no, no but we didn't think we were going to make money off of it for what we were like.

Speaker 2 17:12

We thought in five or six years hopefully the market would catch up and we'd break even what, yes, like at, because you put a bigger bathtub in it and we made uh, we picked like a drawer, microwave and some stuff that like costs more but like won't be reflected when you sell a house right, and so we were hopeful that we would at least break even.

Speaker 1 17:35

But if we lost 10, 20 000 over five or six years of value in the house over what we spent to build the spec home, then at least we really enjoyed living there the five to six years with the things that we chose. That was the conversation we had for sure.

Speaker 2 17:52

The trade-off was like lifestyle versus total value and we felt really good about like. I think we felt good about that well, and again, the price per square foot to build was very similar to what you sold for, like what homes that were not new were selling for at the time no, it wasn't.

Speaker 1 18:11

Yeah, it was.

Speaker 2 18:11

That's why we did it we did it because they were similar I guess, to get exactly what we wanted. You're right, yeah okay, because we only moved like two streets over.

Speaker 1 18:21

We moved within the same neighborhood you're right, you're right, it, you're right.

Speaker 2 18:24

I'm with you and the per square foot cost of a home just that was already built was very similar to what it costs to build at the time. Because there's not older homes in our area, because it's grown so much.

Speaker 1 18:34

It was all new real estate.

Speaker 2 18:35

Yes, it was all new construction stuff.

Speaker 1 18:38

We could look at older homes and stuff, and it was much less, though. So that was the fear. Oh, okay, oh, because when you were looking at comps of anything, that wasn't a new build gotcha, gotcha, gotcha because what you're talking about is other new builds, that, but they were still spec homes. We're probably completely losing people here, anyway, it doesn't matter anywho we were nervous, I was was nervous.

Speaker 2 19:03

Yeah, but it was lower stakes though.

Speaker 1 19:07

Yeah, we went in accepting that we could lose money by the time we wanted to move into a different home.

Speaker 2 19:12

Yeah, cause we were going to outgrow it with how many kids you wanted and just what the house was.

Speaker 1 19:16

And this was before. Everything Like interest rates were relatively low. We weren't at that like crazy 2%.

Speaker 2 19:24

They were between, I think, like 3% and 5%.

Speaker 1 19:27

Yeah, 3% and 5% is where they were kind of ranging. The housing market was fairly stable, like it wasn't that crazy. A lot of our friends and stuff were entering into the housing market. And then everybody that's listening, that knows anything about real estate, knows where things go. Yeah, over the next five, six years, over the next five years, shit hit the.

Speaker 2 19:44

And then everybody that's listening that knows anything about real estate knows where things go. Yeah, over the next five, six years.

Making Big Life Decisions Amid Uncertainty

Speaker 1 19:48

Over the next five years. Shit hit the fan. Yes. Yeah, so, and we bought this house just before, and that's why this was scary.

Speaker 2 19:56

Yeah, we bought this just before things went really crazy, before the pandemic.

Speaker 1 20:00

Things were already. No, we didn't. We bought this during the pandemic.

Speaker 2 20:04

We started the buying process, though like before things had really hit. I thought.

Speaker 1 20:09

Because it was peak pandemic.

Speaker 2 20:10

Yeah.

Speaker 1 20:11

Yeah, we viewed this house for the first time in October of 2020.

Speaker 2 20:15

Yes.

Speaker 1 20:16

We purchased like signed December of 2020. Started our renovation April of 2021.

Speaker 2 20:24

And it was that spring.

Speaker 1 20:26

Yeah, kind of when people saw the pandemic wasn't coming to an end as quickly as they like.

Speaker 2 20:30

No, that it was going to extend through the summer, that it was going to be the next, however long.

Speaker 1 20:35

Long yeah, that's when things really went.

Speaker 2 20:38

Yeah. But that's when people were it was like after six to 12 months of people having to be in their homes or like limiting where they could go, that people were like okay, well, we're going to add on to our house, we're going to buy a different house, we're going to do all these different things, and so everything went bananas.

Speaker 1 20:55

Which we obviously could have. Never in a million years. No, but this house wasn't. Buying a house is never felt to I. Buying a house has never felt. I feel so unnecessarily and un. What word am I looking for? I'm like like I don't have anything to back this up. Oh, unfounded.

Speaker 2 21:23

I feel such unfounded belief in myself when it comes to real estate, got it, got it, got it. You, you really like keep up with it.

Speaker 1 21:27

I know in our area especially.

Speaker 2 21:28

Like you, you always are looking at homes to see what things are selling for and what they're listed for and what I trusted myself just so, which is weird, because generally I feel like I'm a little more uneasy. But for some reason, real estate is just one that she's like. I know, I know what's up yeah, no and this one, when we again this one here was less so about.

Speaker 2 21:51

I think we had limited downside because of what it was yeah like we got a good deal on it because it was run down and needed a ton of work, and but we also knew like, termite damage, not active termites, but, like you know, yeah, but there were a lot of things that people didn't want to take a chance on it, but we bought it for the lot is what we did because we knew worst case, if the house burned down, we'd have 75 cents on the dollar for the lot right was the thought the house didn't get lucky no, it didn't

Speaker 2 22:23

we tore it down from the inside, but it didn't burn. Really, though, yeah, don't didn't?

Speaker 1 22:25

We tore it down from the inside, but it didn't burn down. Not really, though.

Speaker 2 22:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1 22:27

Don't like. I actually think that's disingenuous, because we kept most of the walls where the walls were.

Speaker 2 22:34

Yeah, but we took every piece of drywall and everything out.

Speaker 1 22:37

That was more wallpaper than anything.

Speaker 2 22:39

That's true. There was a point where the contractor was like it's gonna cost just as much to remove this wallpaper and then probably re-drywall anyway, because, yeah, you can't like it'll take the paper off the drywall, so why don't we just take all the drywall down and then you know exactly what's in here even where there was good wallpaper, because there was some wallpaper that was really cool in this house, yeah, but it was damaged and old and yeah, it was 30 years old there was water damage, there was all kinds of all kinds of it was a big project, it wasn't surprising that it had not no, no, no, it'd been on the market quite a while

Speaker 2 23:13

yeah, but anyway, yeah, no, I feel 10 times more sick about a car well, yeah, that's because they just go down in value Unless you buy something collectible.

Speaker 1 23:24

Well, and I don't really.

Speaker 2 23:26

And this isn't collectible.

Speaker 1 23:28

It's just a big purchase and it's something that we use a lot, anyway. So we did that, yeah, and Matt had to fly across the country.

Speaker 2 23:36

I did Flew to Atlanta.

Speaker 1 23:39

Flew to Atlanta, drove back and it was kind of hard because Mentally difficult, because plane crash was on uh. Wednesday night yeah and it was really devastating to we watched that news come in live and ended up staying up way too late when we had to get you to the airport early in the morning and we were watching that unfold. And pregnant me is already so uneasy with you.

Speaker 2 24:04

You don't like me being across town when you're pregnant.

Speaker 1 24:06

No, it's really. It's very odd. Yeah, because generally I'm not an overly.

Speaker 2 24:16

Again, this is a couple that has thrived in long distance, so it's not like a.

Speaker 1 24:20

Yeah.

Speaker 2 24:21

Having to be attached at the hip, but when you're pregnant, I'm I'm expected to be nearby.

Speaker 1 24:27

Yeah, I really, and I don't know that I expect you to like from a but you get uneasy If I get really, and it's very strange.

Speaker 2 24:36

Yeah, and I'm, I'm very I feel like transparent about that with you, where I'm like I know that it's because of, because you'll call me and you'll be like I got nothing to say, I just had to see if you were alive yeah, and I've had that with every single one of my pregnancies.

Speaker 1 24:52

I'm and I struggled with um. Is it prenatal depression?

Speaker 1 25:00

uh, that sounds like it could be a thing with Rory oh, and so I'm wondering if it's like prenatal like if anxiety is like if that's something that I just experienced really heavily, but it seems to be so hyper focused on your well-being yes, uh-huh, don't leave me yeah it's pretty much the whole thought like I and I I think part of that is I get so sick and I just feel really crummy, like my self-worth is probably not the best when I'm pregnant, just because a lot of the things that I really admire about myself.

Speaker 2 25:33

Uh, absolutely crumble yeah, like your work ethic and your like drive and everything, very difficult to maintain when you're physically falling apart.

Speaker 1 25:42

Yeah, Uh, I hate that pregnancy is so hard for me.

Speaker 2 25:50

Well, the tough part I feel like is that you've been pregnant as much as you've not been pregnant the last four years? And so it, uh, you, you struggle with. You're like is this how I've always been, and was I just deluding myself that I was a different person? And then you have, you know, whatever wind up, but then you have postpartum, which is its own thing and that usually goes pretty well for me. Well, you have good postpartum, but it is still not like no, it's not.

Speaker 2 26:16

You're not normal no, and so, like you're talking at least six to twelve months until you're like, oh, like, I'm back to like an independent being, and then we have been having more kids.

Speaker 1 26:30

Yeah. So, by choice.

Speaker 2 26:32

Yes, no, no, no, this is not like a.

Speaker 1 26:34

Because I am stubborn enough, and what I have not lost is that I do want the four kids.

Speaker 2 26:41

Yeah. That has not changed and if anything, I've been've been like no stick to the timeline, because I know where the timeline ends well, now you're I mean you're 65 of the way through, like we're, we're on the downhill technically yeah as uh insane as that sounds, to say, yeah, like if, if joe she wants this bad enough, she could have the whole family sticker set up already there and just she's working towards it, you know, with the adults and four kids on there.

Speaker 1 27:11

Well, because I've had a lot of people that's a really common question. I've gotten when I've talked about being sick and I've talked about that, struggling with depression, so bad with my pregnancy, with Rory, and I've had well, why do you keep having them? Like? Because I want like, I can see, I have the vision.

Speaker 2 27:33

Because I'm stubborn.

Speaker 1 27:35

Well, and it I don't. For a lot of women that I've watched and walked alongside during their pregnancy postpartum journeys, it is the postpartum or the motherhood portion that's the really really hard thing transition and I've felt really secure and good in that spot of things every single time.

Speaker 2 28:02

Sure.

Speaker 1 28:04

The pregnancy and feeling really bad always ends, and when it's over it's kind of over. Does that make sense?

Speaker 2 28:13

Yeah, yeah, cause I mean again, I think the, the fortune we have is that the, the parenting part, has been good, like we've had a really good experience with that side of things, so it's not necessarily like.

Speaker 1 28:27

I'm like damn it, it's bringing me just as much joy as I thought it was.

Speaker 2 28:32

It keeps reinforcing your image of the picture, not like dissuading you from having more. You're like. I'm getting closer to exactly what I've dreamed of. Yeah, yeah, that's really where you're getting.

Speaker 1 28:41

And I have said the whole time I reserve my right to change my mind at any time.

Speaker 2 28:44

For sure, number three could be just an absolute nightmare, right.

Speaker 1 28:48

And maybe we have one. I don't ever want to say that because, I don't think that's what would change my mind. I think it's just that like it feels how it feels not how I expect it to, but feels um a way that I like and I feel content.

Speaker 2 29:04

It's not the having the kids as kids part, it's literally the pregnancies that are.

Speaker 1 29:09

Yeah.

Speaker 2 29:09

And the the post pregnancy aspect of it as well. But like if you roll that all into one pregnancy experience of like, but there's the 10 months going in and the six months going out, Right, it's truly the like actual actions of nursing it's the like yeah, pregnant for me whereas other people have talked to.

Speaker 1 29:29

It's not that way and I'm like oh, yeah, no how you feel yes, it's yeah, yeah, for sure it's so. The time management, I don't know.

Speaker 2 29:39

I don't know you. Just it's not the easiest, so that's all.

Speaker 1 29:44

No.

Speaker 2 29:45

But you're close, we're close, I'm in the part where I feel good.

Speaker 1 29:48

The only downside right now is that I always am worried about where you are and what you're doing.

Speaker 2 29:53

Yeah, yeah, and you're just starting to get into the part where, like physically, you're less mobile.

Speaker 1 30:03

Yeah, not as bad this time.

Speaker 2 30:04

I don't think no, just like you're getting big enough that it impacts how you move and how you operate.

Speaker 1 30:09

Yeah, day to day yeah, I'm looking a little less stable it only gets more difficult, in that category going forward.

Speaker 2 30:17

Yeah, I hear you but for sure it's good stuff.

Speaker 1 30:21

It is good stuff.

Speaker 2 30:22

Yeah.

Speaker 1 30:23

I'm excited.

Speaker 2 30:25

Yeah, Like.

Speaker 1 30:26

I'm so excited to give birth again.

Speaker 2 30:28

Really.

Speaker 1 30:29

Yeah.

Speaker 2 30:29

Okay, Like just to be done. No no you're like looking forward to the experience of it.

Speaker 1 30:36

Yeah, I have every time Interesting.

Speaker 2 30:38

Okay, that's wild to me, but why? Well, because I'm just a like put things off forever guy, but probably.

Speaker 1 30:44

But Tell me more.

Speaker 2 30:46

I don't know. Like any challenging experience, I feel like I'm always like ugh. I don't want to do that, even though I enjoy the experience eventually.

Speaker 1 30:53

but oh, see I.

Speaker 2 30:57

You love a challenge.

Speaker 1 30:59

Well, I also love an accomplishment. I don't know that I see it as a challenge or an accomplishment. I just think it's cool. You only get to do that. It is a unique experience, I suppose and you only get it so many times like, and it's such a privilege to to get there to get to have that experience and like we've had two births with very little complication and like it's like a high, like it is whatever hormones get dumped into your body. You know what I mean like it makes sense.

Speaker 1 31:32

I don't, but I hear you, I know you don't know, but I'm talking about from a scientific standpoint. You can understand that it is like, and it is, it's just um, I don't know like. I'm looking forward to that experience again great, I'm glad you are okay it's always a lot.

Speaker 2 31:53

I you know me, I can't conceptualize time, or the future, or the past, or yeah, so which is why you're really good at just being there, just living just gotta keep living man keep on living what was that sound? Matthew mcconaughey I think l-i-v-i-n-g or no g, I don't know, doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 32:18

I think it's just L-I-V-I-N.

Speaker 2 32:19

L-I-V-I N. It's got to be McConaughey, it has to be.

Speaker 1 32:24

No, it is, but I was trying to remember the whole. It's fine.

Speaker 2 32:28

It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 32:29

No.

Speaker 2 32:30

Yeah, so we got a car.

Speaker 1 32:36

We've watched the news too much the last month.

Speaker 2 32:38

We survived the flu. Yeah, we keep yeah.

Speaker 1 32:39

You and our dog.

Speaker 2 32:41

We had a couple weeks where people weren't sick. We've had a couple weeks where people are. We're currently, I think, getting through a mini virus.

Speaker 1 32:49

I feel like it didn't feel very mini.

Speaker 2 32:52

Well, it hit hard but it was short. It was like a 24, 48 hour kind of deal.

Speaker 1 32:58

The peak of it, yeah.

Speaker 2 32:59

Yeah, and so I think we're getting through that. Hopefully, maybe, but that's been this week.

Speaker 2 33:08

That's always a yeah. What's funny is I've I've told this a few times to people in our life, but January was just a like a whirlwind. I feel like it was a beating and I I just did not. Um, there's that feeling of like, oh, it's January, like I'm going to get all the things done, like it's a new year, time to wipe the slate clean and start all these habits and do all these things, and I'm sure the last episode we did was probably new year's resolutions and all that stuff.

Speaker 2 33:32

Um, haven't done any of that personally, um, but I was talking with my psychiatrist and he was like I think the Chinese have the right idea with having the Lunar New Year like a month after the holidays, because, like New Year's right after Christmas is just not a good like scheduling thing, like it's too close, there's too much going on during the holidays and then to have to start everything right after that not the way to go. And so I think I'm taking his advice and we're just going to go by like a lunar new year resolution type deal. Just start it all a month late. Half the people have already quit on their resolutions. The gym is going to be less busy, like all the good things. You know, we're starting again, you know, a month after everybody.

Speaker 1 34:18

Hey, I think it's great.

Speaker 2 34:25

If you need to start over every month, yeah See, the problem is like I just need, like I have to. I have to give myself these arbitrary like. All right, today's the day that everything changes in your life.

Speaker 1 34:30

Yeah, you and I are very different.

Speaker 2 34:33

You are great at small incremental changes. I'm like, all right, today's the day you do every single thing different and hopefully you can maintain that forever and never take a break. That's how I have to do it. I don't know. And you?

Speaker 1 34:46

really do Like that is how I'm okay at it. Yeah, if.

Speaker 2 34:50

I start it. I can probably keep doing it for the most part.

Speaker 1 34:54

It's very impressive.

Speaker 2 34:56

When it happens.

Speaker 1 35:01

Well, like you'll overhaul your life, life, and that's just how your life is then. And then, like six months, a year, two years later, you're like all right, I'm ready for the next big or I have like a small interruption in it and I'm like that part of my life is over yeah time, time to go down this new path.

Speaker 2 35:15

Yeah, I don't know it's. It's all black and white thinking.

Speaker 1 35:17

I don't know it's all black and white thinking. I'm all about small. I'm small, steady. Again, you do it the way that works and is sustainable.

Speaker 2 35:28

I do it in the way that's only sustainable by people that are wired completely bananas.

Speaker 1 35:34

I don't even know that it is totally sustainable but, hey, you're doing better than I would. The more pain, the better, I suppose if I overhaul everything, I last about three hours, yeah, and I'm like all right.

Speaker 2 35:47

You're like I've completely overhauled my diet and dinner rolls around. You're like I can't do this.

Speaker 1 35:51

There's literally dinner rolls.

Speaker 1 35:53

Just I'm like, I'm out you're like I quit I'll eat 10 of those please yes, I'll try again later yeah, that's just never been for me yeah but it stinks when we're working on projects and I think I actually talked on this last week a little bit because we've been working on the garage project because I would love to do like a little bit at a time and you really want to overhaul, but, like you, the thing that's confusing this is what's very confusing about it for me is I want to take on new goals and changes and evolutions in my life, like with a good attitude, like I want it to be something I enjoy and I want it to be like a process that I can, you know, just like get into yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 36:39

And you like a leisurely approach.

Speaker 1 36:43

Yeah, Um. But even if it's like a tough commitment, like making a big change, like waking up early every morning, um, for instance, or like doing better with going to bed earlier or whatever it is. I want to make it into like a ritual and make it, you know, yeah, have a ceremony to it.

Speaker 2 36:58

Exactly and make it you know, yeah, have a ceremony to it.

Speaker 1 37:00

Exactly. You almost want to feel as bad as you possibly can.

Speaker 2 37:06

It's about the suffering.

Speaker 1 37:07

And you want to bitch about it.

Speaker 2 37:09

Yep.

Speaker 1 37:11

And that's really hard for me, like it's hard for me to support you in your endeavors, because I'm thinking of the garage which I talked on Because, like I suggested, we work on that. We started it together and then I like didn't have it in me, to which I never do. Matt knows this going in.

Speaker 2 37:31

Oh 100%.

Speaker 1 37:31

I never have it in me to do 10 straight hours and overhaul the entire thing. I have maybe 90 minutes.

Speaker 2 37:38

I mean especially at like seven months pregnant.

Speaker 1 37:40

But even if you weren't but I maybe have 90 minutes.

Speaker 2 37:41

I mean especially at like seven months pregnant.

Speaker 1 37:42

But even if you weren't. But I maybe have 90 minutes, even if I wasn't, maybe you have two hours in me of like I'll work hard for those 90 minutes to two hours and then I'm like and we'll come back tomorrow, you know. And then you are frustrated. It's not it because you keep going. I assume you're disappointed in me and you're not.

Speaker 2 38:07

I've let that go at this point. There was probably a stage in our relationship where I was annoyed that, like you, couldn't keep going.

Speaker 1 38:13

Well and I was about to say I don't feel like you have really anytime recently expressed that to me. You're always very encouraging of yeah, go, go, do your thing, go, take your break, go.

Speaker 2 38:23

I have learned it's better to encourage you and make you feel better than to make you feel worse. That sounds like not that. That doesn't sound that profound. Tell us more Like. That sounds very like no shit. Like why would you try to make somebody feel worse?

Speaker 2 38:41

Because that's what motivates you yeah, uh-huh yeah and so matt was like no, I'm encouraging you, you, piece of garbage no, you would never say no, but um like it has been a development over the last few years, being like you're better off having her in a good mood and like being positive and productive in whatever she's doing, even if it's not what you're wanting to work her in a good mood and like being positive and productive in whatever she's doing, even if it's not what you're wanting to work on for 12 straight hours whatever your fixation is like, she's not going to be able to match your focus on this, and so just be nice.

Speaker 2 39:13

Um harder than it should be for me, but no, that's just been my learning, uh, but yeah, yeah, and I will then suffer just to keep going.

Speaker 1 39:28

It's pretty impressive.

Speaker 2 39:29

But that's my own issue.

Speaker 1 39:33

Do we have Greg's Reads?

Speaker 2 39:34

Greg's Reads.

Speaker 1 39:35

Surely Greg's been reading, I mean there's so much to read these days. We love it when Greg reads yeah, reads of the week.

Speaker 2 39:41

He sends us news and then we say, just based on the article titles alone, how much that news gives us anxiety.

Speaker 1 39:48

Just the headline. That's a really crucial part of this.

Speaker 2 39:51

Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 39:53

Because once we read the articles then often we have additional context and then it dissipates that anxiety. And that wouldn't be fun.

Speaker 2 40:01

Got it, Got it, Got it. Well here's. Here's a fun one to start. Should you eat sourdough bread? Three surprising benefits explained.

Speaker 1 40:11

Uh, negative 457,000 out of five.

Speaker 2 40:15

What if it was like this surprising biohack with sourdough bread? We talked last week about how much you hate the word biohacking.

Speaker 1 40:22

I'd be like the boys get it, you know.

Speaker 2 40:26

We had a long talk last week about how you despise the fact that men have basically co-opted the word biohacking to just be like healthy choices. It's like biohacking I drink more water.

Speaker 1 40:40

I hate to fall into that camp of like the bros, like even letting them take up any space in my head. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 40:48

That's fair.

Speaker 1 40:49

But, holy cannoli, it has nothing to do with them, really.

Speaker 2 40:54

Actually, it's I just the way that we hate it's not just men, but it gets used a lot.

Speaker 1 40:58

It's the hating women.

Speaker 2 40:58

Oh Like it's not just men, but it gets used a lot. No, it's the hating women.

Speaker 1 41:00

Oh Like subconsciously Got it.

Speaker 2 41:01

It's something that they would have like made fun of women for doing. And then they're like biohack.

Speaker 1 41:06

It's totally different than what the girls are doing. It's biohacking. It's biohacking. All you have to do is make your trad wife make you sourdough every morning, fresh bagelsels, fresh bread if your woman's not making you bread every day, find a new one, yeah, so no anxiety, I'm sure no, I love sourdough.

Speaker 1 41:32

I would love to be baking my own sourdough, but but, I don't think that is a good. So we talked about when I try to make changes. I try to make like sustainable step changes. I think that's, in a biting off, more than I can chew. Not saying it's hard because your aunt who we adore and is incredible in the kitchen, has like walked me through and I have made sourdough with her before, things like that. She does it for their sandwich bread. Lots of different things, so it's not like a.

Speaker 2 42:02

Your sister makes bread.

Speaker 1 42:03

All the time, but I feel like my I don't know. Maybe that would be a good first step for me is to do that regularly and not do any other cooking.

Speaker 2 42:13

I was going to say.

Speaker 1 42:14

I feel like it's a very self-contained yeah, maybe like project kind of deal it can be like, aside from eating, like making bread. Maybe that would start healing my energy in the kitchen In your food, yeah. Food relationships, because I do love, like when I tell you I love sourdough. Yeah, I have, since my childhood years, have a deep spiritual connection with sourdough.

Speaker 2 42:39

Yeah, not religious, but you do believe in sourdough.

Speaker 1 42:41

I do Deeply.

Speaker 2 42:43

The healing power of sourdough.

Speaker 1 42:44

They tell me sourdough is a biohack. I'm like that makes sense because my soul feels soothed around the sourdough.

Speaker 2 42:51

It's the only thing that makes me feel right.

Speaker 1 42:52

Like if I feel sick sourdough, I feel sad sourdough.

Speaker 2 42:56

Yeah, so yeah. So he sent us this article as well. This is a pivot here. Republicans suggest students work at McDonald's instead of getting free school lunches.

Speaker 1 43:06

Oh, I bet that came with a text.

Speaker 2 43:08

It did.

Speaker 1 43:09

You don't have to go there, but I'm just.

Speaker 2 43:11

It was just sarcastic saying I don't know why school teachers didn't figure this one out it seems so simple.

Speaker 1 43:18

Oh, I don't know, maybe like a two and a half out of five.

Speaker 2 43:21

Yeah, I don't know, maybe like a two and a half out of five. Yeah, I'd give it a three out of five. It's like a concerning idea.

Speaker 1 43:24

Anything that says like identifies like a group of people like Republicans, democrats, liberals, conservatives, whatever Christians like, automatically I'm going to be a little more tense.

Speaker 2 43:39

It just says Republican, single, like it's one Republican that said it.

Speaker 1 43:43

Oh. Republican suggests students work at Okay, sorry, yeah, I thought you said Republicans.

Speaker 2 43:50

No, I don't know that. It was like a widespread platform.

Speaker 1 43:52

No, no, no, I know what, like I remember the article. I know what happened, but that's how I heard it and my brain was immediately like ooh, I don't like that. I don't like where this is going.

Speaker 2 44:02

Hey, I mean, we live in Arkansas. I think we just recently repealed some child labor laws.

Speaker 1 44:08

We did. Kids can work younger and harder than ever.

Speaker 2 44:12

They yearn for the mines. That's what they say. Some wild stuff man yeah, it's okay.

Speaker 1 44:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2 44:20

Moving on. All right, yeah, it's okay. Yeah, moving on.

Speaker 1 44:23

All right, wait, you didn't say how much.

Speaker 2 44:25

I said three out of five, oh, okay.

Speaker 1 44:26

Sorry, you did say that. Now that you said that I remember, I apologize.

Speaker 2 44:30

Yeah, all right One more.

Speaker 1 44:36

Vegas nerve stimulation may tame autoimmune diseases. Vegas nerves One out of five. Too confused to be anxious, yeah.

Speaker 2 44:46

I'm with you there. I'm like, I don't like.

Speaker 1 44:50

I don't feel any kind of way about that. That sounds like it could be cool.

Speaker 2 44:53

Yeah, I think your vagal nerve is somewhere, not Vegas, your Vegas nerve, yeah, v-a-g-a-s, they don't.

Speaker 1 45:04

they different things no, no, no oh nope, I was trying to figure out why we were doing it in vegas oh, oh, no, no um and I v-a-g-a-s. V-a-g-a-s yeah, I, I was in Vegas.

Speaker 2 45:19

I kind of you know the city, I put a little emphasis on the wrong A, but it's two A's, not V-E-G-A-S.

Speaker 1 45:26

Yeah, vegas, the Vegas nerve. I wasn't, it's gambling.

Speaker 2 45:31

Yeah, I was gambling. Gambling can help autoimmune diseases. Yeah, that would be news right there.

Speaker 1 45:36

Well, that's, I was okay you're what I still don't feel any kind of way about it, though yeah, I don't either but it does make more sense to me now that we're not talking about where we're going to do it, you know sure, okay cool do you want a word of the week?

Speaker 2 45:53

yeah, I do.

Speaker 1 45:53

I always want a word of the this one educate me zaftig ooh zaftig zaftig z-a-f-t-i-g zaftig, zaftig, zaftig yeah what does it mean?

Speaker 2 46:17

someone described as zaftig has a full, rounded figure or, in other words, is pleasingly plump. Portraits of Zoftig models are exhibited in the artist's collection.

Speaker 1 46:28

I like that. That would be a great brand name.

Speaker 2 46:32

It's been in use since the 1920s, so it sounds.

Speaker 1 46:35

Oh, so it's not that old.

Speaker 2 46:37

It sounds very old, but yeah.

Speaker 1 46:39

Zoftig.

Speaker 2 46:40

It comes from the Yiddish Zoftik.

Speaker 1 46:44

I like that.

Speaker 2 46:45

So it's probably a much older Yiddish word, but Big fan Zoftig Pleasantly plump.

Speaker 1 46:52

I will be trying to remember that A lot of babies. We don't have Zoftig babies.

Speaker 2 46:58

We don't have Zoftig babies, but a lot of babies are Zoftig figures yeah that is something disappointing for me.

Speaker 1 47:05

I don't feel that way about much about my kids, but we really did not have plump.

Speaker 2 47:10

Yeah, we make them long and skinny.

Speaker 1 47:13

Kind of alien-like.

Speaker 2 47:15

Yeah, their heads have been pretty round still, but yeah, they're still cute. They come Well. Yeah yeah, they look all right. They aight they get cute later yeah, for sure and they're fun and I'm happy they're. Yeah, absolutely they're happy healthy kids, but they just don't come out like you have very zoftic little yeah, little cutie plumpy little babies. Yeah, like idealized babies.

Speaker 1 47:41

Yeah, they look like little Cupid.

Speaker 2 47:44

Yeah, ours also don't have hair.

Speaker 1 47:46

Yeah.

Speaker 2 47:47

That really doesn't add.

Speaker 1 47:49

No.

Speaker 2 47:50

In fact I mean our son's about to be two. We get to the park and there's kids that are like six months old with more hair than he has. It doesn't help that he has really light hair's very blonde, and so what he does have you can't see yeah, but he's getting there.

Speaker 2 48:06

He's turned out to be cute he was. He was sweet. In early days I thought he was cute. He was cute ish. Don't worry your mom, will we try to be very objective. We we tend to be objective with how we feel about our kids.

Speaker 1 48:22

I thought he was cute, he was fine.

Speaker 2 48:25

He was fairly cute. He wasn't like whoa. Sometimes babies are like whoa.

Speaker 1 48:31

Yeah.

Speaker 2 48:32

He wasn't one of those, but he wasn't like wow, that's the cutest baby.

Speaker 1 48:38

I've ever seen he's like that's a baby, that's like our kids were busted.

Speaker 2 48:40

No, but just he was. He was middle of the road.

Speaker 1 48:45

Okay, I thought he was adorable.

Speaker 2 48:48

Medium cuteness.

Speaker 1 48:50

With little girls. I think it is the no hair thing's actually easier.

Speaker 2 48:56

Really.

Speaker 1 48:56

Because you can stick a bow on them.

Speaker 2 48:58

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a headpiece.

Speaker 1 49:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2 49:01

Hair piece.

Speaker 1 49:01

It's not hair, not that you can't put a hat on a or whatever you could put a bow on a boy, I guess if you wanted to, but then people are just going to you know they will call your kid a girl.

Speaker 2 49:10

Yeah, somebody at the grocery store once did that to us.

Speaker 1 49:13

We've talked about that, did we yeah?

Speaker 2 49:15

Yeah, she just kept repeating.

Speaker 1 49:18

Yeah Over and over what a beautiful we had yeah, we didn't correct her, though, and then it got like I thought she was gonna say one thing, so I was like there's no purpose. I don't know this person. There's no purpose to correct it, and then she just kept going, but then it was too far gone for me to you know yeah, you're better about that.

Speaker 2 49:37

They were like I guess we're just committed to going the other way, where I was like pretty soon I'm gonna start just calling him like very overtly Assuming it doesn't matter, I'm like, well, whatever.

Speaker 1 49:47

Well, it doesn't, but you know, In that scenario if he would have been old enough to be upset or something like that totally different situation.

Speaker 2 49:54

Yeah, that's true too.

Speaker 1 49:56

Anyway.

Speaker 2 49:59

But it is what it is, you know.

Speaker 1 50:00

It is what it is.

Navigating Post-Graduation Job Uncertainty

Speaker 2 50:02

So, all right, we do have a message from a listener here Dun dun. Hey, joe and Matt. Currently a senior in my last semester of college and feeling super lost, like Joe said, experiencing some big emotions, I turned down a job offer that I'm now majorly regretting, because I thought it was too soon in the job search process and have a regrettable grass is always greener mindset. It's too late to reach out and ask for the offer back. I know what is meant to happen will happen, but I think I screwed it up for myself and with jobs being so hard to secure now, I'm honestly terrified. Sorry for the loaded question, but if you have any thoughts and advice, please share.

Speaker 1 50:40

I think, if it didn't feel right, heck yeah, stay on your path, don't look back and and um, give yourself grasses greener. If it didn't feel right, it didn't feel right, and that was a reason. Trust your gut, move forward and um, it's gonna work out yeah, I mean you.

Speaker 2 51:01

You really do have the majority of the semester left, and so there's a lot of things. It's a very chaotic time, and so I'm sure the job market is a little weird right now.

Speaker 1 51:12

Well, we talk a lot about me post-college, you post-college.

Speaker 2 51:17

Yeah.

Speaker 1 51:17

Both of us graduated without jobs.

Speaker 2 51:20

Yeah, and I, when I was coming out, the job market at least regionally, for what I was looking to go into was not plentiful. It was very much. Lots of people were looking for younger engineers, but engineers that had experience, and so I didn't even have internships, co-ops, anything like that, and so I just ended up taking whatever would take me and it turned out to be great experience and, like, I got a lot of um, a lot of learning through that job.

Speaker 1 51:52

You kept that going through the summer because you had your lease August through August. And so, um, because you weren't having to move out of your place like week after graduation, you kept working front desk. I was in town for the summer.

Speaker 2 52:12

Well, yeah, you still had another year of school.

Speaker 1 52:14

Yeah, I still had another year of school and so you stayed around, worked front desk and was just applying for and going through interview process with jobs and I remember it being so stressful because all your friends had jobs at graduation and you didn't, and you hadn't done internships like you were supposed to because you hadn't pursued it Like Matt's a really, really good example of like all the things people say you have to do, I'm not saying actively, don't make a choice to not do them.

Speaker 2 52:46

They're usually right. And that it is helpful.

Speaker 1 52:49

I think it's great to pursue an internship. I think it's great to like all of those things.

Speaker 1 52:53

I think you should absolutely go after that but that will not make or break whether you're able to have success or have a career. I'm not saying like I don't want to come across, like I'm saying you don't have to do all that, Um, but if you are trying for all that and you're applying and things aren't working out how you want them to and stuff like that, those are not the only avenues for success and enjoyable jobs and good work experience. So, um, and you were interviewing, you applied for a lot of jobs man, I did, I did.

Speaker 2 53:31

And and I was applying all over the place.

Speaker 1 53:34

They wanted you to come for this job interview in St Louis and I we were going to drive up there and we drove back. We didn't even stay the night in St Louis, we just went for the interview. Um I rode with you in the car. We got up really early. Your interview was at like one o'clock or something like that, and we left first thing in the morning and we waited in the parking lot. We got there at like 1130 and we just sat in the parking lot, yeah.

Speaker 2 53:57

I got a speeding ticket on the way there.

Speaker 1 53:59

Yeah, that you shouldn't have gotten.

Speaker 2 54:00

That is the speeding ticket I am most upset about in my entire driving career.

Speaker 1 54:05

You are so upset. If you have to use a helicopter to give people speeding tickets. I think it shouldn't count Well. Also, I'll give you the scenario too, because I have no problem with you clocking people with a helicopter If you're clocking people who are actually speeding.

Speaker 2 54:23

Recklessly driving.

Speaker 1 54:24

Yeah, speeding recklessly driving yeah, what happened was we almost got merged into by a semi truck and you hit the gas we were going downhill, so the semi was going fast and getting faster yes and they were swerving in and out of their lane and so I had to punch it to go around him going downhill.

Speaker 2 54:41

So I probably got up to 90 miles an hour because it was a 70 75 mile an hour road. But we didn't get merged into yes, I punched it to get around them and then I got right back down to speed and I was I was like diligently trying not to get a speeding ticket on this whole drive. I left extra early so that I didn't have to feel rushed, drove right at the speed limit and that was the only time you had done anything.

Speaker 1 55:03

And when I, I tell you they weren't just swerving in and out, this semi was merging into us, yeah, and you sped up to not get merged into by the semi truck.

Speaker 2 55:12

They were taking up two lanes for sure.

Speaker 1 55:20

And so I.

Speaker 2 55:20

that was very infuriating, and so there's nothing like the feeling of going around them, getting back to speed, driving another mile and a half down the road and then getting pulled over by highway patrol and then being like do you know why I pulled you over and just going?

Speaker 1 55:32

I truly don't my cruise control is set at 71.

Speaker 2 55:36

I am like right at the speed limit, cruise control not stressed just trying to go. You're like, well, we had a helicopter back there. And you're like what? Again, I think it's cheating. I don't think you should like. What a waste of resources to have a helicopter for speeding.

Speaker 1 55:51

No, I don't have a problem with the helicopter. Come on, if people are actually speeding.

Speaker 2 55:54

Come on and generally.

Speaker 1 55:56

I have no issue with that. How much do you think it?

Speaker 2 55:57

costs to fly a helicopter.

Speaker 1 56:00

Matt, this is ridiculous. Uh, not a good, not a good use of resources. I just think it's ridiculous anyway you finally, uh, went through that job interview, ended up getting that job and you moved and started in august. Yep and uh, my post-graduation. I didn't have a job yet. I was doing photography as my primary source of income and I was able to kind of finagle that enough, like my expenses were low, um, yeah, you were doing enough to keep up with your bills.

Speaker 1 56:35

I could pay my bills, but like I couldn't, it wasn't a career at that point. No, I wasn't going to be able to go out to eat or like spend any time doing anything with friends or you were living lean, but you made enough to yeah to live that way.

Speaker 2 56:48

Yeah, I was.

Speaker 1 56:48

It was very, very, very lean um my expenses at that time because I lived with roommates and we rented a house and everything. I think my expenses with car insurance, gas, everything were about twelve hundred dollars a a month.

Speaker 2 57:05

Yeah.

Speaker 1 57:06

Total.

Speaker 2 57:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1 57:08

And I think I was probably making $1,250. No, I was making more than that, but maybe, after taxes, maybe $2,000 a month at most is what I would.

Speaker 2 57:22

On the high end, probably, with photography. It was up and down, right, it was not a steady. In some months I would On the high end, probably With photography. It was up and down, right, it was not a steady.

Speaker 1 57:27

And some months I would only make $800.

Speaker 2 57:29

So you'd make a bunch in the summer and like some in the spring, anyway, yeah.

Speaker 1 57:33

I wasn't doing a lot. So I was kind of trying to figure out what I was going to do, because I was really scared to punch it into photography full time. But I didn't want to be tied down to like a nine to five or an eight to five, where I'm also traveling and doing all these things. Because I knew I wanted to be able to pursue photography. And so I emailed every boutique in Northwest Arkansas and asked if anybody needed somebody for marketing. And that's when I got my job at mod in Fayetteville, arkansas, and I worked for them for about 18 months, um, but I think I started maybe in like June or July after graduation and I wasn't making. Like again, I wasn't making big money there either. It was very. It was an hourly, um, but I did have full-time hours.

Speaker 1 58:30

so I was there hourly, but I was there 40 hours a week you weren't like way past minimum wage, but you were no um, but I, I was yeah that with like having a 40 hour a week yes hourly job with the little bit I was making from photography it made.

Speaker 2 58:47

It made photography like supplemental and I think your hourly job could cover your expenses if it. Yeah, exactly, it didn't exceed your expenses much.

Speaker 1 58:55

But right, exactly, and that's when I moved in just with one roommate, and so like rent was a little more expensive and. And um then I started investing into camera equipment. Like I was saving and I was investing my money back into the business so that I could pursue that more. And after about 18 months, that's when I felt really comfortable um pursuing photography.

Speaker 2 59:17

Well, and you? You spent some time saving up so that you could go that you had a little bit of a buffer.

Speaker 1 59:23

Yeah, because I really was worried about falling flat on my face in photography.

Speaker 2 59:27

I was. I'd like to have four, five, six months.

Speaker 1 59:32

It was six months. I wanted to have six months of living expenses, which was again, my living expenses were not.

Speaker 2 59:39

Yeah, you're like, if I cut everything out of my life and just need to live and eat, what's it going to take it?

Speaker 1 59:44

wasn't, you know, like I wasn't supporting a family. I wasn't, it was very bare bones.

Speaker 2 59:49

No vacations, no, no, no big meals out.

Navigating Post-Grad Job Search Advice

Speaker 1 59:53

Absolutely not. Like I was not living any kind of crazy. No, we were making mac and cheese and spaghetti at home. Amy and I cooked all of our meals at the house like um, which was great. I, I like, really look fondly back on that time. But all of that to say like I know that's a lot of information, um, I don't think it's worth stressing about yeah, and that sounds really easy to say from like this side of the, this side of the microphone but you have a lot of semester left, one, two.

Speaker 2 1:00:33

You can do it like a. What we were saying is like a, not a, not your career job, but you there's. You most likely will be able to find some job to support yourself until you do get into more of a career job. I'd also say this is your first job out of school and so it feels substantial. It feels like you're never going to change. But, especially our generation, people change jobs all the time, and so don't be afraid to put yourself out there for jobs that aren't ideal. If you're more like, if your concern is just I need a job, apply for a lot of things. Also have the mindset of like, people that have jobs listed need help. That was something that was really helpful for me later, like as I was looking for jobs. It's like they're looking for someone. I can be that person, having a more positive attitude, like applying and like okay, I think I can do this job. They don't have this job listing because they don't want me to do the job. They have this listing because they need help.

Speaker 1 1:01:34

They're looking for help and so don't let your job define you too much in in the searching part, because I feel like a lot of new grads that I talk to. There's a lot of comparing and a lot of looking at what everybody else around them is doing and I remember feeling that way as I was watching everybody go into these corporate jobs and get salaries and start considering buying new cars and you know doing all this.

Speaker 1 1:01:57

And I am so glad I like. What's crazy is I don't think I would have the security I did then. Now, um, to have gone and taken the low paying, not as respected job at the local boutique by my peer group. I'm not saying that like that job doesn't deserve respect, that's not what I mean at all.

Speaker 1 1:02:24

I loved my position there, um, and I had a lot of fun working that job, but it was kind of like when I chose a state school too like. Like we've talked about. I went to high school with a lot of like high performers high performers and when I chose that I was going to go to a state school in Arkansas, that was very um it did not add to the uh it.

Speaker 2 1:02:48

It didn't. It didn't dissuade anyone from their feelings about you. Yeah, you've not so bright.

Speaker 1 1:02:54

Yeah, and I was really glad I didn't let that impact me then and I'm really glad that I didn't let the fear of what other people would think if I didn't go into corporate business. You know, and there were a lot of people that I think were like, well, what are you going to do Photography? You know, lots of people talk to me like that, high school college even, you know, and it even when you were doing it, people would talk to you that way.

Speaker 1 1:03:22

Yeah, and it was shocking every time and, um, you kind of have to just stay on your path.

Speaker 2 1:03:29

Yeah.

Speaker 2 1:03:30

You know you and I would tell you this first job. It feels like the most important job in the world and it might be the least um cause. You can get six months, 12 months in like. I don't encourage anyone to leave their first job super early. Stick it out for a year, year and a half, like.

Speaker 2 1:03:53

I know that's sometimes that's being too loyal to an employer. If it's a really bad, bad situation, obviously don't. But stick it out. Show that you're willing to put in some work. But also, if you hate it, you can get a new job and you'll have experience going to a new job. You'll know more about what you do like and what you don't like. You'll be able to ask more informed opinions about the next job to be like. Hey, this has been my experience here. Will this be the same? Will this be different? It's a stepping stone and so not only do you have time, it is not the most important job in the world. It will teach you more about life and career and it sucks that it feels like maybe you had a really good opportunity that you let go. But there will be more opportunities If you get closer to the end of the road and maybe you can reach out to that company. I don't really know the situation. I don't know the career path.

Speaker 1 1:04:39

It doesn't mean that that job offer will be there anymore but, you can always reach back out to that company and just say hey are you still looking?

Speaker 2 1:04:44

for people I haven't found the new opportunity that I was hoping for.

Speaker 1 1:04:48

Yeah, or things change and I just want you guys to always keep me in mind because of this change. I think I'd be open, like those are communications that you can have.

Speaker 2 1:04:58

Make up a story. Say that you had a great opportunity that fell through, you know.

Speaker 1 1:05:02

You are so team, make something up. And that also makes my tummy hurt. Car shopping and being dishonest make my tummy hurt. I hate that.

Speaker 2 1:05:12

Don't do that all to say, though, that, like one, you have time and two, it will be okay. Yeah, I agree, and, and try to be as low stress about it as possible, do not.

Navigating Post-Grad Challenges

Speaker 2 1:05:23

The less desperate you can come off, the more uh, appealing that is to somebody looking for someone fair enough like fake the confidence until you can get into fake it till you make it's kind of the scheme of life and that is, I will tell you, the biggest thing I learned in my first job is I went into a consultant in role and there's nothing weirder than going into a consulting role and you have had no job experience. You are a fresh college graduate and you're like I don't think I should be consulting on anything Like why would anyone ask me how to do something in real life?

Speaker 1 1:05:57

Right.

Speaker 2 1:05:57

But I had to go in and do it anyway. I did a lot of like, you know what. I'm going to go talk to the team and figure out like the best way to get that handled. I'm going to write down these concerns. I'm going to go talk to the team and figure out like the best way to get that handled. I'm going to write down these concerns. I'm going to go Google stuff. Uh, there was a lot of that, and so you'll get there. It'll be all right. Yeah, promise.

Speaker 1 1:06:14

And, on that note, you guys know where to find us the rest of the month, on Patreon, um, and if you have questions you want us to answer on the public episode?

Speaker 2 1:06:21

shoot us stuff and just let us know yeah, tag it in there and say hey wait for, wait for the freebie yeah, I think that's everything I have to say for sure, love y'all we'll do it again next month bye.