People Pleasing Isn’t Kindness — It’s Trauma | Nicky Yazbeck

 People pleasing and codependency are often trauma responses rooted in nervous system dysregulation, not personality traits. 

If you’ve built your identity around being “the calm one,” “the helpful one,” or “the strong one,” there may be a hidden cost: exhaustion, resentment, and losing yourself in the process.

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Nicky Yazbeck, a trauma-informed therapist, EMDR practitioner, psychodynamic therapist, and yoga teacher with over 20 years of experience, to uncover what’s really underneath people pleasing and codependency.

This conversation goes deeper than surface-level advice. We explore how these patterns are often rooted in trauma, nervous system dysregulation, and early emotional conditioning.

Inside this episode:

• What people pleasing really is (and why it’s not kindness)
 • The difference between caring and rescuing
 • How codependency forms and why it’s hard to break
 • Trauma beyond the obvious: neglect, bullying, and emotional wounds
 • Core beliefs like “I’m not lovable” or “I’m not worthy.”
 • How EMDR therapy helps process unresolved trauma
 • Nervous system healing and somatic awareness
 • Spiritual bypassing and avoiding real healing
 • Why growth disrupts relationships and family dynamics
 • The role of yoga and body-based healing
 • What Kambo (frog medicine) is and why safety matters

If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot, set boundaries, and reconnect with yourself, this conversation will meet you exactly where you are.

👉 Subscribe for more conversations on healing, truth-telling, and personal transformation.

Reach out to Nicky:  

https://nickyyyoga.com/
https://www.youtube.com/ ⁨@TheConnectedCommunity⁩  

If this conversation stirred something in you… good. That’s where change begins.

Make sure you’re subscribed, share this with someone who needs it, and if you’re ready to tell your story, step into your voice, or build a life that actually feels like yours… You’re in the right place.

I’m Julie Fairhurst, and this is where stories turn into power.

Go to my website if you would like to be a guest on the Women Like Me Stories & Business in the toolbar click Let's Podcast

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Transcript

Nikki’s Path Into Therapy

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Hi everyone, welcome to another episode of Women Like Me Stories in Business. I'm your host, Julie Fairhurst. Now, I am so excited to have this guest on today. And for all you women out there, you're gonna want to watch or listen to this. And I'm gonna learn some stuff as well, I am sure. So today's conversation is one many women quietly need but rarely have spoken out loud. Joining us is Nikki Zazbeck. Did I get that right? Zazbeck. A trauma-informed therapist, EMDR practitioner, psychodynamic therapist, yoga teacher of more than 20 years, and podcast host. Through her work and her own healing journey, Nikki explores the deeper patterns that shape our lives. Things like codependency, people pleasing, unresolved trauma, and something many of us don't even realize. So welcome to the show, Nikki. Thank you for being willing to do this with me. Thank you so much for having me. Okay, well, why don't we just jump right in there? So, Nikki, many therapists begin their work because of their own healing journey. What was the moment or turning point that set you on that path?

SPEAKER_00 1:33

I think mine was really early. I was in junior high, and everyone was telling me their secrets and their issues and their problems. And I was kind of like the secret keeper. And I just love kind of thinking about how people tick, what makes them work, why do they think the way they do, why do they do what they do? And so my interest started when I was really young.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Wow. I've spoken to a couple of ladies who have had similar experiences where where the kid you were like they were just the the kids just gravitated to them and like you say, told that, or you were holding their secrets. And so is that when you decided? Did you think then? And did you know then I'm gonna do this?

SPEAKER_00 2:17

I think, well, at some point I want to be a veterinarian like every little girl. Yeah, I think you know, when I was going to college, it was just I I got an undergraduate in psychology, and it just seemed like that was where I needed to go. That was what I was most interested in, that was what I was best at.

unknown 2:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

And then after that, I realized like I couldn't really do much with a psychology undergraduate degree. And so I just moved on. I got a master's in social work. And so from there, I I jumped into like all these different fields until I could figure out what I wanted to do. So I worked with children, I worked in hospice, and I worked on the Indian Reservation, I worked in hospitals, I worked with them in group homes, and like I did all these different settings and worked with all these different populations to kind of figure out where I wanted to go. Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Well, let's talk about women. The majority of my audience, we have some men, but the majority of us are women. So I would, I'm so curious because I think codependency and people pleasing is a big problem for women. And I wonder sometimes if we don't even realize that we do it. So can you identify or tell us what people pleasing is?

SPEAKER_00 3:29

I think it's so common. And I think you're right. I think a lot of times we don't know that we're doing it. And so the way I look at it is oftentimes we think that people want to see a certain side of us. They want us to act a certain way, they want us to be a certain way. And so we put on a mask, and then people react to that mask. Maybe they like it. Maybe they like how we're always calm or zen, or maybe they like how we never get angry or whatever that is. And then we continue to put on that mask because then we're afraid if we take the mask off and they see who we really are underneath, that we'll be rejected or they won't like us. And so we continue to wear this mask, but then nobody really knows who we are, and we want to be loved for who we are, exactly as we are, with all of our, with all of our strengths and all of our wisdom and all of our light, but then also all of this stuff that is universal, right? We all have, we have, all have heaviness, we all have darkness, we all have these sides of us that are imperfect. And so what if we were to just be who we are? And then when people come and they meet us, they love us exactly as we are, flawed and human in all the different ways that that we as humans are. And so I think it starts when we're really young, where maybe we're praised for being the quiet kid or the good kid or the polite kid or the neat kid or whatever that is, and we get praise for it, and then we realize at a really young age, oh, I can get people to like me if I'm this way. And so it gets it gets patterned in at a really, really young age. And I don't think that until we become aware of it, that we can break out of these patterns, we can break out of this conditioning. I think every kid is conditioned in so many different ways, and so it's just stepping inside of ourselves and then really thinking like, do I really like this or do I do I really want to go out with these people, or do I really want to go dancing or to this movie or eat this dinner or whatever? Are we doing it just to make other people happy, or do we genuinely want to go? And so, really starting to just step into doing what you want and thinking about what are your wants and your desires and your needs and your likes and not being so worried about what other people think. And it's it sounds so simple. I know I've simplified it a ton and it's really complicated and difficult to do, but it's possible, it's possible. And then people just love you for who you are, hopefully.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Wow, yes, that's a great explanation for sure. And I think that um I remember in my 20s and 30s, just so caught up in what people think of me. And I just love it. It's true what they say. As you get older, you just don't flip and care anymore what people think. But it's it's it's a shame we we can't have that when we're younger. Or we can, but it's a shame that we don't learn it young enough or step into that power.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

I think people sometimes don't learn it ever, or they are in the women in their 40s and 50s, and they haven't, they're not speaking their needs, or they've been in a marriage that doesn't serve them and they've just stayed in it for 40 years because it's comfortable, or their friends are expecting them to be the one that comes over and listens to them and takes them food every time they're sick, but maybe they're not getting their needs met. And so I think it's really scary too to ask for like what do you what do you need? If you're always a caretaker, how difficult would it be for you to ask for somebody to take care of you every once in a while, or to allow somebody to take care of you every once in a while? Or like what are these expectations that society and other people have put on you? And then do they really fit? Do they still fit?

Wants Needs And The Ripple

SPEAKER_01 7:06

Wow, yes, yeah. And yeah, and and allow and I love that, and and allow people to take care of you. I think that's the biggest thing. Yeah. Why do you think so many women fall into codependency?

SPEAKER_00 7:22

I I'm starting to think that everyone has some codependency and it's just the levels of it. So is it dysfunctional or is it not dysfunctional? And I think codependency, I think men have codependency too. I think a lot a lot of people do. And so it's are you responsible for how somebody else feels? Are you responsible for their well-being? So an example that's super common is uh say a mother, mother-daughter relationship. I have a son, but a mother-daughter relationship, and you're feeling like you need to always make sure that your kid is happy or your kid's doing okay, or your kid, even worse, feels like they need to take care of you and they need to make sure that you're okay and that you're not angry or that you're not upset. And so it's when we start feeling responsible for somebody else's feelings. So if my girlfriend comes to me and she's really upset about something that's going on, can I hold space for her and be loving and kind and compassionate and hold this container for her? Or do I feel this deep desire and need to fix this, to take away her pain, to help her? And then I'm taking on this burden. Maybe I can't sleep. Maybe I'm thinking about like this thing that she's going through and it's creating anxiety for me. And that's how you know if that just if that codependency is dysfunctional, if you're getting dysregulated because somebody else gets dysregulated. So if my little boy comes home and he's super upset about something that happened, I mean, I'm a mom, it's gonna affect me. But am I losing sleep over it? Am I losing my appetite over it? Do I feel like I need to fix it? Do I feel like I need to go into school? I need to call parents, or can I just empower him to take care of it, to trust in him? To and so that's another thing is that we sometimes send this message when we're going in when rescuing people and they're allowing us to rescue them, then it's almost giving this message that they're not capable of doing it on their own. They're not capable of handling it. So if my girlfriend's upset and she keeps coming to me and I'm her resource to put her back together, that creates this trauma bond, yes. But is it empowering to her to know that she likes when something happens, she has it within herself to fix this? And I can be there and I can love her and I can support her, but I can't fix it, but she can. And so that's where the codependency, I think, gets a little bit dysfunctional. Or if my husband has something going on, can I allow him to be in his process and just hold it for him? Or do I feel like I need to fix it and then it's impacting me and my my mental health and my mental well-being?

SPEAKER_01 10:02

I think that's the key right there, what you just said. If you feel like it's impacting you and your mental well-being, then there's an issue. Uh, I have a I I have a few friends where I'm the strong one, but but when that process of of you know trying to help them, people pleasing, you feel drained. Yes. You feel like you just had all your energy sucked out of you. And and I think if those things are happening, then then there's a problem with you.

Codependency And The Rescuer Pattern

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Well, yeah, and I have a similar pattern too, where I'm a little bit of a rescuer and I'm kind of kind of trade, trying to break out of the people pleasing and the rescuing. But yeah, it's like when you have a dynamic relationship with somebody and you're hanging out with them, do you feel completely depleted and drained after your session with them? And it's fine if somebody's going through something and it's heavy and they need you and and they lean on you during that time. But if you're continually feeling like you're supporting somebody and you're getting drained, maybe there's not reciprocity in that relationship. And so really looking at are you always the one that rescues everybody? Do you allow people to rescue you? I mean, like what is the dynamic? Because if you're getting drained, your needs aren't getting met. And that's something to look at.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

Yeah, yeah. Thank you for that. That's great. So why can people pleasing feel so rewarding at times?

SPEAKER_00 11:31

I mean, we want to make people happy. We want people to love us. And so if we go to a friend who's not feeling well or they're going through something and then they praise us, or like, oh, you're so great, you're so wonderful, and you're so caring, and I need you. Like it, we want to be, we have this need to be needed, this need to be loved, this need to be accepted. And so that's how it fills us, right? But again, are is are is your bucket getting depleted to fill somebody else's bucket? And is that a consistent pattern in your life? But I think we we are people please to be accepted, uh, but uh the problem with that is that we're sacrificing our own self. And so is it worth this self-sacrifice? And to me, people please people pleasing and and being a perpetual people pleaser is uh super self-sacrificing.

Trauma In Body And Mind

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Yeah, yeah, okay. So let's talk about trauma and healing. So you are trained in EMDR and psychodynamic therapy. So can you explain in simple terms how trauma lives in the body and the mind?

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Yeah, well, I mean, first I'd like to discuss what trauma is because I think sometimes people look at trauma and they think it has to be like really apparent sexual abuse or physical abuse or something violent. Neglect is one of the worst things that somebody can go through. But also uh trauma could be being bullied by a sibling. It could be that your teacher in first grade told you you were stupid, and all of a sudden that creates a trauma and you believe it your whole life. And so there is trauma does sit in the body. There's been so many books written about this. It just sits in there. And so it's through different ways of processing it. It's like looking at it and feeling it instead of it's basically feeling it. It's like repressed emotions, and we're holding them in and we're and then it like kind of destroys us. You think about depression as anger turned inward, right? We're angry at ourselves and we have all this stuff, and it's it's inward, it's turned in on ourselves. And so you have to, there's no way to bypass and just get moved to the other side without feeling these things. And so there is this certain amount of moving through pain and feeling it in order to get through it and to the other side, but doing it in a trauma-informed way, because you don't want to work with somebody that just takes you right into your trauma and you're not ready for it. You need to have the resources, you need to have the support, you need to have the skills, you need to have the relationship and the trust. And so it's working with somebody that can hold that for you. And then really, there's just no way to move through it. So I talk to people sometimes about like imagine grief comes up and then they hold it in and they hold it in, they hold it in. It's going to come out sideways, it's going to explode. And so if there's a little faucet, you just you can let it out in increments, right? Maybe it's some tears, maybe it's through talking, maybe it's through feeling, maybe it's looking at what's not happening in your body. But if you don't do that, over time that that pipe is going to explode and it's going to burst. And so things come out sideways. And as we get older and older and older, the more we repress these feelings and these things that we don't want to look at, the more they push out sideways. It could be depression, it could be anger, it could be these big explosions. But it it comes out, it just doesn't come out in a in a functional, healthy way unless we move through it in a in a functional and healthy way with somebody that's safe and and with somebody that's trauma-informed and feeling it.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

Yes, yeah, yeah. And uh that was my my next question was what kind of forms of trauma do people overlook? But you know, it was interesting what you what you said there about the teacher in school. You know, I I wouldn't have placed that with trauma, but now that you say that, it would make complete sense because they may carry that, that child may carry that through their entire life, thinking, oh, well, I must be stupid.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Yeah, I use this example a lot where there's imagine a little girl, maybe she's like six or seven, and she's walking down the street with her father, and her father's on a phone call, and he's super occupied, and he's not paying attention to her, and she reaches up and she reaches to grab his hand, and he's like busy and can't be bothered, and he swaps her hand away, or he ignores her or something, right? That doesn't seem like a big deal. But in that moment, that little girl decides that she's not lovable, right? And it creates this negative cognition, and her entire future is shaped by this idea. It's not true, but it's true to her. And so everything that happens in her life is shaded with by this idea that I'm not lovable or I'm not worthy of love or I'm not worthy of receiving love or whatever it is. So trauma can look like that, and then that six-year-old carries it through until she's 50 or 60 and she gets in these relationships because she thinks she's not worthy and she thinks she's not lovable. And so I see this with a lot of clients where it's it, if you follow the thread all the way back, it leads to something around I'm not worthy, I'm not lovable, I'm not capable, I'm not strong, I'm not able, whatever it is. And so it's finding for me, it's in therapy is working with people to trace that thread back and then work with that and repattern the brain so that you're not holding on to that maladaptive thought. Yeah. Which your brain knows it's not real. Like you know that's not true, but somewhere in your body, in your whole being, you swallow that idea whole.

Overlooked Trauma And Core Beliefs

First Step Is Awareness

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Yeah, yeah. That's a great example because you're right, most of us would think that's no big deal. But to that little girl, and then what she starts to believe in herself, and then, like you say, carries it through 30, 40 years. Wow. Yeah. So what, what, what, so if someone's listening or watching on YouTube and they're stuck in those old patterns, how what what what would be the first step? What would be their first step to to try to get out of those patterns that they're in?

SPEAKER_00 17:53

I think awareness, just noticing it, it's like, am I people pleasing? Why am I saying that? Do I want to go, do I want to go with these people when they ask me to dinner? Do I want to hang out with them? Am I hanging out with people that I that I that don't bring me joy, that bring me down, that don't light me up? Is this job healthy for me? And just kind of looking at things and just bringing more awareness into what you're doing and why you're doing it, and just getting curious and not doing it in a way like, I'm bad, I'm wrong. This is you know horrible, but really just getting curious about like, oh, why am I doing that? What's that about? Is that is that something that served me my whole life, but does it still serve me? Because maybe, maybe it's as simple as like, well, that doesn't serve me anymore. And I can see how it did up until this point, but now it doesn't. So get curious without beating yourself up.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Yeah, absolutely. I had an argument. I have three boys. I had an argument with one of my sons once, and he said, This was several years ago, and he said, You've changed. And I got defensive, and I said, I haven't changed, and da-da-da-da-da. And then I started thinking about it, and I thought, of course I've changed. Of course I have. We're meant to change. Yeah. We are meant. And so whatever, however, I change was not fitting with his needs any longer. And so he was right. So he was like, you know, yeah, you've changed, blah, blah, blah. But we're meant to change. And I, but but it wasn't, it was a really interesting thing that I that awareness that that I came to and then felt good about it because yes, we're meant to change. So if those friends that you've had for 20 years are just, like you said, not serving us anymore, then you shouldn't feel guilty about it because you've changed. You've outgrown them possibly, or whatever has happened.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Well, and I think there's also this thing where we're worried people might think that we're a hypocrite. So maybe you grew up in a certain religion, and then when you start to examine it, that religion doesn't fit you anymore. Or maybe you were vegan, and all of a sudden you're like really just feeling like that doesn't fit you anymore. Just because you change doesn't make you a hypocrite. It just maybe, you know, we have the right to change our mind. We have the right to change our path, we have the right to change our direction. It's the same with those friends. Like maybe they did serve you up until this point, but maybe going out every Friday night and just getting trashed and getting drunk isn't the lifestyle that you want anymore, and it doesn't fit anymore. And so it is okay to give yourself permission to change directions. And I do think that one of the hard things is when you start stepping into yourself more and you start owning like who you are and your wants and your needs and your desires, it does create ruptures in your system. It creates a ripple. And so if you're always going out and drinking with your friends and you decide you don't want to do that, that's gonna create a ripple. If you're always people pleasing and you're there for everybody and you decide maybe you need to spend more time on yourself and be there for yourself, that's gonna create a ripple. And so that's expected and that's normal, and it's that's the hard part.

Spiritual Bypassing Explained

SPEAKER_01 21:05

Yes, that's the hard part of it. Yes, yes, for sure. Yeah. But but but good too. Yes, good when you get yeah, good when you get that outcome. So you talk about something called spiritual bypassing. So what is that?

SPEAKER_00 21:20

So be spiritual bypassing has less to do with spirituality and more to do with so I I give an example. This happened to me a couple weeks ago where I I went to Peru not long ago and I had this amazing experience. And I came back and I was just my heart was exploding and I was I was like flying high and feeling so good. And I was just like my bright light was just shining. And then a couple of weeks ago, I went into this hard place and I said, Oh, I why can't I just be why can't I just feel like how I did when I came back from Peru? Right. And my husband pointed out that that that's spiritual by passing. We can't just go there without going through whatever it is we need to go through. And so if you're going through grief and you think, well, why can't I just be happy? Why can't I just get over it? Why can't I just skip from here to there? Right. You have to go through it and it's a process and life's about ups and downs. And so you can't just pretend that everything's beautiful and happy. And so you see these people that like maybe they do get to a point where they're, you know, feeling enlightened and joy and things like that. It's not sustainable to be like that all the time. And so you might you might be that might be another thing of people pleasing, or you might be lying to yourself, like, oh, I'm you're flowing all the language out and all the things that are beautiful, but maybe you're avoiding avoiding things, and that's bypassing, is avoiding the difficult things that life bring brings to you. Yeah.

Yoga As Somatic Healing

SPEAKER_01 22:50

And you're a wealth of information. Thank you for that. I never thought of it like that. No, that's great. So you've taught yoga for over 20 years. How does the body learn to how does the body help us heal trauma in ways that sometimes we just can't talk and can't, or yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

I think sometimes we just hold things in our body. Like we might hold tension, or we might, you know, cross our legs really hard, and that creates hip tension, or we might clench our jaw and that creates jaw tension. And I think one of the things that yoga does is allows us to be in our body differently or to explore it. And so it's a way to just get out of our head and sit in our body and just and just pay attention and bring awareness. Like, what are we feeling? I also feel like there's those standing warrior poses where you stand and you ground your feet into the earth and you spread your arms like an eagle. And it's like, what does that feel like to be that expanded version of yourself and be that extroverted version? But then also there's some where you lean forward and in a forward fold and you make yourself really small, and that's an introvert, and that's a very curled up position. And so, which is more comfortable? And why is it more comfortable? And what does it feel like to do the opposite? What does it feel like to expand? What does it feel like to make yourself big? What does it feel like to like be strong in your body? And so it's just anything that you can do to bring awareness to your body, I think, is is good. We always look for the answers in our head. Yeah. And that's kind of the last place that we should be looking for the answers.

Kambo Medicine Basics And Safety

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm going to ask you the one I've been questioning I've been waiting for the whole time, because this is what I want to know. You are a combo practitioner.

unknown 24:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Did I say it right this time? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. For those who have never heard about it, what is it?

SPEAKER_00 24:49

So I'll give a short explanation of it. It's it's this little frog that lives in the Amazon, in the Amazon basin over the water, and you get the secretions off of the frog. And so what you do, this is a legal medicine, and you create little burn marks on people, like little superficial burn marks, and you reconstitute this medicine and you put it in the superficial burn marks. And basically, what it is, is it flooded, um, it floods your body with peptides. And so peptides are amazing for your body. And so some work on the brain, some work on the gut. A lot of them work for the pain receptors and things like that. And so it's a very, it's a healing modality that's definitely alternative. It makes you really sick for 20 minutes. And so it's a very hard medicine to take. Like about half the people vomit, and it just feels like really bad flu, and it's very difficult to get through. But people keep coming back for more and more and more because the benefits outweigh that 20 minutes of discomfort. And so for me, it feels like a nervous system reset. People feel more clarity, people feel like they've had pain in their shoulders for six months, and then all of a sudden it's gone. It's got, it's got over a hundred peptides in it. And it sounds really woo and very weird. But if you research it, it's got tons of science behind it. And so it is, it is a legit form of healing. But it's really important to find a practitioner that has been well trained because it can be dangerous if you're not with somebody that's well trained and they know what they're doing.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

So when so people get get feel quite ill uh within the first 20 minutes. I'm I'm thinking, is that because it it's just flooding the body? The body's not used to that, and then it subsides a bit. What why do why would they feel so sick in the beginning?

SPEAKER_00 26:41

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of things that happen to the body. So immediately, like your heart rate just jumps up. So a normal heart rate's 55 to 65 beats per minute. It goes from like 100 to 130. So your heart's beating fast. There's a lot of pressure that comes to the head. And then after five to seven minutes, your your blood pressure like kind of tanks a little bit, and that's when the flu light things come on. And so almost everybody will feel a pretty intense feeling of overwhelm to their system and their body as these peptides are moving into the body, and it does a lot of resetting into the GI tract in the gut. Um, and that's why some people have like a lower purge or they'll throw up, but not everybody. And so it's just, yeah, it's a pretty intense medicine. It's like a foreign body that your um body, it's a foreign substance that your body's not used to, and so it's reacting in that way. And people say it's a poison. It's not, it's not, it's not a poison or a toxin because it's super healthy, but it's definitely foreign to your body, and so your body's kind of adjusting to these changes. But it's um, I did the first time I did it, I I I said I had to get trained in it. It's so powerful. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

And so where do you is so is this is this common in North America or do you have to well, I guess you're trained in it?

SPEAKER_00 27:59

Yeah, so I got trained in Colorado by a company called like Tribal Detox, but I also went into Iquitos, into the Amazon area in Peru, and worked with an indigenous person there and did a pretty extensive training with him. And so that medicine comes from the anywhere where there's the Amazon basin in Peru, Portugal, um, Brazil, and a lot of the indigenous tribes there. And yeah, I mean, this frog, it took us, we went and hunted it. It took us three and a half hours to find the little frog. Oh, and then and then it's and then you have to extract the medicine, you let them go. And so I wanted to go to Peru to make sure that they were ethically sourced and we weren't hurting them. You do aggravate them, you make them a little bit angry, and when they're angry, they secrete this creamy substance, and that's what you put on the sticks and you bring these sticks home. So they are very well taken care of and they're released back and they're not over harvested, but yeah, it's powerful. And so these indigenous tribes have been using these for they don't have medicines. And what's interesting is most of our medicines come from the Amazon anyway. Yes, yeah, yeah, that is interesting.

Mindset Boundaries And Modern Distraction

SPEAKER_01 29:07

Yeah. Wow, that is that's something I gotta I'm gonna be looking that up now. That's uh that sounds that sounds super interesting. Very good. So so can we just talk a little bit about mind shift? So are there boundaries or what boundaries or mind shift changes that changed you?

SPEAKER_00 29:33

I think for me it was just realizing the immense amounts of conditioning that we all are that's placed on us all. And so again, I think it's about really getting curious around why what are you saying, what are you doing, how are you showing up in the world, what are you expressing, what's important to you, how are you spending your time? I think in this culture that we're in now, there's a lot of people that are falling down the rabbit hole of like social media and scrolling, and and and I'm not immune to that too. I definitely fall into my traps of that. But really, like, are we taking time to sit with ourselves? Are we taking time to sit in our bodies, to meditate, to be with friends, to nurture ourselves, to have some alone time, to be in nature? Like, I think all of those things are really important. Otherwise, what happens is we get a little bit lost. And if you think about to me, lost is when you see a group of women having lunch and they're all on their phones and they're not communicating, or or they're not really listening to each other, they're talking over each other, or you know, people are just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling for hours, or just coming home and watching TV to relax and check out. But then are you connecting with your partner? Are you connecting with your family? Are you connecting with your friends? Are you having face-to-face contact? Are you connecting with yourself? And like, really, are you sitting in nature? How often are you getting outside and letting the sun hit your body? How long, how often are you getting out in nature and and going for a walk? And I think we are doing that less and less. I think it's super important.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

Yeah, and I just it just something just clicked in my head when you said, or just or you're turning on the TV set. And and really that TV set has been, we've been doing this with TV sets long before scrolling. But now, of course, the scrolling is in there as well. And yeah, I'm I'm the same. I'm like, oh my goodness, don't even start because I'm you know, 20 minutes, half an hour later, I've wasted some time mindless time. Yeah. But TV's been doing it for years.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Yeah, but TV is like now we have a TV that we can put in our pocket and take everywhere. Oh, exactly. Yeah, exactly.

Writing Stories To Heal

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Exactly. Yes. So I I I want to ask you a little bit about, so what I do is I I I what do I do, Julie? I help women publish their true life stories. And part of doing that is is is for stop my goal is to stop generational trauma one story at a time. So what do you think about stories? What do you think about writing? I mean, uh, you know, certainly therapy can be in all sorts of different ways. But you do think do you think it's important for women to write?

SPEAKER_00 32:26

I mean, I definitely feel like it's my weakness, and I think it's something that I could do more of, but I do think that there's something that happens where we, when we write, there's some kind of unconscious material that comes out that we really aren't able to access in other ways. And so I do think it's very therapeutic, and I think it's really valuable. And I think that sometimes our logical mind wants to make sense of things and create like a nice structure and put a bow on it. But sometimes just free writing and just getting things out on paper can be really therapeutic, and then you're surprised about what comes up, and it doesn't have to look pretty or be neat. And I also think there's value in if you're super pissed off at somebody, like write a really nasty letter, every single thing that you want to say, and then burn it. Yes, you don't have to send it, and or somebody's hurt you in the past, maybe they're they're they're passed away, maybe they're not with you any longer. Write it all out, and then and then there is something ritualistic around burning because you're taking it from the physical form, and then it just dissipates into the non-physical. But I think I think writing can be really therapeutic, and I definitely it's my weakness.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Ah yes, yes. Well, I find that that uh I speak with women before they write, we discuss what they're gonna write about, and I find it interesting because as they get their get their stories out onto paper, this big monster starts to shrink. And that's not saying that what they experienced wasn't trauma very traumatic or monstrous, but we tend to make them even bigger in our minds, and and once they start to write, I find that that starts to shrink a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

Yeah, I mean, it's bringing unconscious material forward, is what you're talking about. And so I think like anytime you can bring something unconscious into consciousness, then there's healing and there's an opportunity to heal.

SPEAKER_01 34:26

Great. Well, thank you for that. So what do you wish more women understood about healing?

SPEAKER_00 34:35

I think it's like you're never done. Yeah. I agree. I agree. I think, yeah, and it comes in waves, and so you know, you might be working with generational trauma, and then you get through it and you get to the other side, and two years later it comes up again and it's peeling a deeper layer. There's some things that just come up over and over and over again. And so for me, I'm like, oh my gosh, it's here again. I thought I dealt with this, and it's and it's a it's a process. It's like sometimes it's well, you were like this for 40 years, you're not gonna move through it in six months, and it just takes time. And and so just having patience with yourself, and I do think that yeah, just having grace, having grace for yourself and patience.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

Yeah, grace is so important because we're we're our worst critics. Our yeah, yeah, I agree. Well, this has been a wonderful conversation. I have I have learned so much. I I appreciate that, Nikki. And I know that our audience is gonna get a lot of value from this as well. So, where can people find you? I know we're gonna put your information. So, for everybody listening, Nikki's information will be in the show notes so you can reach out to her. But but where would people find you? Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 35:56

I have a website, it's nikki yyoga.com, so it's n-k-y-y-y-o-g A.com. So it's three whys. And then I have on YouTube and all the audio platforms, I have the connected community podcast exploring possibility. And so that's just about mindfulness, movement, self-discovery, a lot of things about plant medicine. There's tons of topics where I interview, kind of like what you're doing, interviewing people because I love to learn and gather information. So those are the best places to reach me. And if people have questions, I'm always open to you know answering questions. If people are in Colorado, I I do I'm a therapist and I do telehealth therapy with people in Colorado, Massachusetts, and Arizona. Fabulous, fabulous.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

Do you have a video about the frog medicine?

SPEAKER_00 36:42

I have a lot of information on my website about combo. I'm gonna look.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

I'm gonna I'm gonna, that's where I'm headed. That's where I'm headed, everybody. I want to learn about this frog stuff. So, well, Nikki, thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it so much. And you've been so willing to be so open and sharing your experiences and your education with us uh so that hopefully we can all heal a little bit more. And I've gotten some stuff out of this, and I'm gonna go and educate myself on this frog medicine. I may have to come and see you down in Colorado. I'd love to see you. Perfect. Okay. Well, thank you again, Nikki. I appreciate it. And thank you, everyone, for watching another episode of Women Like Me Story in Business. And we'll see you again next time. Take care, everyone.