Burnout, Anxiety & Starting Over: What Really Matters in Life | Darlena Swan

Ever feel like you’re doing everything “right”… but something still feels off?

In this powerful conversation, educator, entrepreneur, and motivational speaker Darlena Swan shares what happens when you stop chasing success and start asking a better question: what actually matters to me?

We dive into burnout, anxiety, and the pressure women feel to be everything to everyone. You’ll hear how stress shows up in the body, why your mind won’t shut off at night, and what real wellness looks like when you include your mind, body, and soul.

This episode also explores:

•  The truth behind the “superwoman” myth 
•  How to set boundaries without guilt 
•  Why self-kindness is a strength, not a weakness 
•  Turning hard seasons into growth instead of self-blame 
•  Starting over, even when you feel behind 

Darlena shares her journey from customer service to education and purpose-driven work, proving that every step—even the messy ones—builds the life you’re meant to live.

If you’re feeling stuck, exhausted, or questioning your direction, this conversation will help you reconnect with yourself and move forward with clarity.

REACH OUT TO DARLENA HERE:  https://bossladyenterprise.org/

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I’m Julie Fairhurst, and this is where stories turn into power.

Go to my website if you would like to be a guest on the Women Like Me Stories & Business in the toolbar click Let's Podcast

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Transcript

Welcome And Why This Matters

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Well, hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of Women Like Me: Stories and Business. I'm your host, Julie Fairhurst. And oh, I've I've got a great guest here today. And I just can't wait to get into the conversation. I think we're all going to learn from this fabulous lady. So let me let me tell you a little bit about what we're going to be talking about today. So we are going to have Darlena Swan as our guest today. And there's a moment in life that doesn't come with applause. And there's no announcements, there's no big dramatic scene, just a quiet realization that hits you somewhere between exhaustion and truth. And I've been asking the wrong questions. So today's conversation is going to be for every woman who has tried everything, worn different roles, chased success, checked the boxes, and still felt like she didn't quite belong anywhere. Because what if the problem was never you? What if every wrong turn was actually building something in you? So we're going to sit down with Darlene Swan, educator, leader, and a woman who knows what it feels like to question everything she thought was supposed to be true. If you've ever felt like you're behind, lost, or starting over, this one is going to meet you exactly where you are. So welcome, Darlena. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much, Julie, for having me. Great. Do you want to tell our audience a little bit about yourself before we get started?

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Well, for one thing, I am a I am an educator. I currently teach second grade. A shout out to my wonderful school at Bendhaven Elementary School, located in Olivia, North Carolina, home of the Bulldogs. I'm also a writer and an entrepreneur and a motivational speaker.

The Wrong Question About Success

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Perfect. Wow. So well, we've got some a few little extra things here that we can chat about. Well, let's get started. You say you said everything changed when you realized that you were asking the wrong question.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

What do you what do you mean by that? What I mean by when I asked the wrong question, I was pretty much chasing something. What does success look like? Sometimes we sometimes find ourselves chasing something that we realize to wake up one day, it's not all that valid. And it occurred to me I was at the time working in a call center environment with a pharmaceutical company, and I'm sitting inside a cubicle, and I said, I've been asking myself the wrong questions. And I kept feeling exhausted. I got tired of going around circles. Instead of saying, asking the question, excuse me, the question, what success really looks like, or what job would make me look or feel more successful, I should have been asking the question, what really matters to me? What are some of the things that I really value? Yes, I get it.

Expectations, People Pleasing, Too Many Hats

SPEAKER_01 3:44

Yeah. Yeah. It it does, and really the I can tell just by that little bit, you just shifted it a bit, and you're going to get some different answers. Yes. Yeah. Wow. Well, why do you think so many women are asking how to be how to do how do I become successful instead of rather asking what actually matters to me?

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Well, that's when you have to really take a look inside and ask yourself, am I doing this because this is what it's expected of me to do, or is this something I really deep down my heart feel like I'm called to be doing? And that's something we have to question. That's something we need to question ourselves and be authentic about it. Because a lot of times women, we get caught up wearing so many hats, trying to please other people, juggling different roles, and trying to be too many things to too many things. We have we we're used to wearing so many hats and assuming so many different responsibilities, and that's one reason why we become kind of burned out.

Burnout Signals In Mind And Body

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Yeah, no, that that is the truth. Absolutely. So, what do you think happens in our bodies? Like, can like so if we're in a cubicle, we've got a job or we're doing something, we're just not fulfilled, and and maybe we're getting burned out. What does that feel like in our bodies?

SPEAKER_00 5:18

In the body, you just you start having these anxieties, and anxieties is nothing but a state of uneasiness. We start getting jittery, we it's it's hard for us to relax, it's hard for us to sleep at night because we have too many things on our minds, and that's when we start feeling so overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Yeah, no, absolutely. And and I can just I know for myself, I things are better for me now, but I was in a career that was that was extremely stressful, and I did burn myself out. And I remember during that time, I remember thinking, well, burnout is real for all those people who thought, because I remember thinking, oh, burnout, like you got to be weak to be burnt out, but I soon learned that no, you burnout can happen to anybody, and it affects the body as much as it does the mind.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

It does. Yeah, you have to treat your body as holistic, mind, body, and soul. And that's what happens when we start feeling burnout a lot with teachers because we sometimes don't realize that we we're human, we need to quit trying to be superwoman and just acknowledge, hey, I need help. I need help navigating through this situation. I'm not in this by myself. And always remember that someone's there, someone's there to help you as well, but you have to ask for the help. You have to acknowledge that, hey, yeah, I'm doing too much, I have a little too much on my plate, I'm I feel like I'm going around circles here. What can I do to get off the merry-go-round? Yeah. And sometimes that merry-go-round, this sometimes we just need to just stop, think, and breathe.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

Yes. I was thinking when you said when you were talking about teachers, and I, you know, I had kids that went through school, and but but it just kind of popped into my head is is teachers are giving, giving, giving all day long. And then they go home to their own families.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

And giving, giving, giving some more.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Yes, and we're exhausted too in the process. You lose yourself in the shuffle.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Yeah.

Curiosity Over Self Judgment

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Well, what do you think the shifting shifting our mindset sounds? I mean, it sounds nice, but it it's it's I'm sure uncomfortable for many of us. So, what did you have to unlearn about yourself?

SPEAKER_00 8:08

Well, when I decided decided to shift the mind, that approach was to come from a standpoint or platform of curiosity. I just want to stay curious instead of judge being judgmental. Because we're constantly being judged, but it's bad when we become judgmental towards ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

Yes, yes, yes. We should be, we should be give ourselves more grace and be kinder to ourselves, not be beating ourselves up.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Exactly. Instead of asking the question, why the situation is not working, we might ask it from a learning standpoint of view, what can I learn from this? And that's when you start developing a better growth mindset.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Yeah, you know, you're so you're so right, Darlena. The the questions we ask ourselves, or maybe the questions we don't ask ourselves, like you were just saying a minute ago, how we beat up on ourselves. But the but when you start to ask the right kind of questions, it even it even feels different.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

It does. You give yourself some grace and mercy and say you look at it at a different approach and say that life is full of surprises, isn't how we how we gonna respond to it. Yes, and that's when we kind of learn to navigate through the process that I'm not in this by myself. I'm pretty sure someone else has gone through this. And how can what can I learn from this circumstance? And how can can this how can this how can I make it better?

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Yes, who can I reach out for assistance? I've I've exhausted all my resources. I looked at the pros and the cons with this situation. I exhausted my resources. Who can I reach out to help for help?

Reinventing Yourself With Courage

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Absolutely. Well, what story were you telling about yourself during those years?

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Doing, I was a one time trade chasing a dream. My dream job was in management. I wanted to be a fashion model and crossover into acting, and that didn't quite work out as well as I planned. So I had to work a regular eight to five job to make ends meet. And it got to the point you're getting older. When you get older, you're supposed to get wiser, you're supposed to become more wiser. And I just got tired of going around a big circle. I would try different jobs, and I realized it's not so much the job. The job is going to be there whether whether you're there or not. It's always something about you that's willing to change. And you have to ask yourself, why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I doing this job? Is my passion here? Is my heart in doing this type of career? And it's not, if it's if it isn't, then we have to be willing and have the courage to make that shift, to make that change, regardless of what someone else might say or think about us.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Yes, yeah. That's a hard one. That's a hard one. The judgment from others, especially our family members.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Yeah, sometimes they the sometimes they're the worst critics, and sometimes we're on worst critics.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Was there ever a moment that you almost gave up on finding your direction completely?

SPEAKER_00 11:54

No, not really. I'm one of these type people. I like to reinvent myself, and I like to explore and try something different every year. That's okay, well, but I like to try a different this year or something I haven't done. And just step out of the boat, step out on some faith, and just do it. If it if it works out fine, that's okay. If it didn't work out too well, what could I change? What can I learn from it? Have that mindset, I'm I'm gonna move forward.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

Yes. Yeah. So so have you found your passion? Have you found your, or are you living your or doing what you're gifted to do? What what do you think about yourself?

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Well, teaching is one of my callings. I got into the education profession because I'm very passionate about mentoring to the young minds of young children for them to learn and grow and teach and become better. So that's one reason why I got into education. It is a challenging job, but it's very rewarding at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Yeah, yeah. So did you hit rock bottom? And if you did, what did it actually look like for you?

SPEAKER_00 13:21

I wouldn't say rock bottom because I've been able, I've learned to become resilient to bounce back on some of these, I'll call them, I'll call them mishappenings. I just had to, I just pretty much had to redirect myself in a different direction.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Wow. You sound like you've really worked on your on your mental health, your growth.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Yeah, as far as mentally, uh, I've learned to read the Bible, God's word more. I am definitely into yoga. I love yoga. I got my students, they like yoga as well.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

Nice, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

You have to get into fitness because it's about holistic health, about the mind, body, and soul.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Oh, that is so true. That is so true. And I talk to so many women who say, you know, they might be feeling their mind is cluttered, then they go for a walk in nature, and miraculously, you know, their brain clears, the fog is gone, and then they're able to start getting those answers that they're looking for.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

Yes, I'm learning as a teacher to shut things down between eight and nine o'clock, give myself some grace and mercy. So if it's not done, I just have to put it off into another day. Because I need I need that me time to myself and to to unwind and relax and get some good night's sleep.

unknown 14:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Yes, so important. So as as and as we get older, I've noticed it myself. It's yeah, so important to get a good night's sleep if you're going to be able to function well the next day. Absolutely. Yeah. So do you see your past roles as a preparation, not failures? Or how do you see those? So things you did in the past, were they preparing you for what you're up to today, or what were you thinking?

SPEAKER_00 15:27

I think it, I feel like it did. It taught me to become more resilient and to persevere, pretty much persevered through challenging times. I don't want to say hard times, because not all my times were hard. Yeah, I'll say I'll use the the term challenging. And to, I was saying, when I was a project manager, that taught me to be organized and taught me the skill to be very disciplined. Marketing sales taught me to be very creative. When I worked in customer service, that taught me to be more empathetic because you had to listen to the knees of your customers over the telephone. And sometimes they weren't that pleasant.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Yes. Yes, yes. That uh that uh that career can either build you up or break you down when you're when you're dealing with customers. And it sounds like you you put your customers first, which helps to build build you up.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

Yes, I'll learn to listen to the needs of clients, people in general. And sometimes people just want, they just don't want your want your opinion. They just want you just to listen. They just want to then just want someone to listen to them.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

So I'm not that quick to give advice unless someone asks me, ask for it. So sometimes I just sit back and listen and say, okay, Miss Swan, just want, just want to talk, just want to vent. I said, okay, we can do that. Yeah. Sometimes I do that with my students as well. So Miss Swan, we need to have a little discussion. I said, okay, there's certain days, certain times of the day, they can pull me aside for a mini discussion. Yeah. And it helps. Communication is key.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

Yes. And and I think it really helps when they know the person they're talking to is listening. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Truly listening. Truly listening.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Yes. Not like, not like my husband. We have to be more empathetic. Yeah. Yes. Have to be more empathetic. You know, what it's like to stand in someone's shoes. That's right. Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

So when did when did you you actually begin to shift? So, you know, what when was that? That was was there something, was it when you were sitting in that cubicle and you realized this isn't what I want to do?

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Well, I worked a lot of contract jobs in my lifetime. And when that contract ended, I say to myself, I said, I'm going to do something entirely different. What am I very passionate about and move in that direction? And that's how, and that's that's how I end up in the education profession.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

And I started off as a and I started off as a substitute teacher. So I set up pre-K all the way to high school, but I have more of an affinity towards elementary school students. So that's why I became an elementary school teacher.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

Yeah. It's um but you you must have had some. Were you ever filter or fearful making those those those jumps, those shifts?

SPEAKER_00 19:09

No, I'm not. I used to live in California, and California living in an environment I've learned to embrace change. And sometimes change is good. And my mother, who's no longer with with me now, she was an educator. And I remember her telling me after I had just graduated with my first degree, she said, if things are not working out as well as planned, you can always come back and become a teacher.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Oh, yes. But still go out there and and and you know, do what you want to do, knowing that that's something that you can always come back to. And it ended up being your passion anyway.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

Yes. I had quite a few colleagues telling me you should have been a teacher all along. Oh it runs in the family, Julie. Oh, yes. Educators run in the family. And I tried, I tried, I ran from this calling for for years.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

And I realized this is one of my passions. So I had to confront it. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

But you're you're you're but now not only are you still teaching your students, but you're now helping women.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Yes, I do.

Teaching As A Calling

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Yes, yeah, yeah. Can you tell us a little bit more about how you help women?

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Well, I started a nonprofit called Boss Lady Enterprise. It's a little over 10 years ago. I st the the purpose of me doing that because I have a passion for community outreach service, and I've always wanted the opportunity to become my own boss. And I'm very passionate about leadership. And leadership, you're always growing. You always grow and there's always something that you discover about yourself and other people as well. And I started Boss Lady Enterprise, and what I did host a lot of pop-up events in locally in um Durham County at the time. That's where I was residing. And I would I would have a specific scene, and I will invite certain people, certain organizations within the community to help me host this event. And also I had an event for the children, it was a Domes and Pearls event. And they worked out nicely. I would just do that periodically.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Nice. Yeah. So so when you're what so can you walk us through one specific job that felt like a failure at the time, but you now see it to be essential to who you are?

SPEAKER_00 22:12

I would say customer service. Customer service is so important because you're you're responding to the customer. Even though you kind you kind of plug to a headset and talking to someone, you have to understand it's important to be a very good listener, to listen to their needs before you offer any suggestions or make any offer any type of advice to someone. So that position taught me to be a little bit more patient and to be more empathetic to people's needs.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Um, I would I will work a lot of customer service jobs in between jobs. If I lost my contract job, that was my go-to job I would fall back on. Customer service. Because live in the triangle area, that type of work was a dime a dozen.

unknown 23:11

Ah yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

It was an easy job to obtain, but it was a hard job to work. That's why the turnover rate was high. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Yes, yes, yeah. It's um, yeah, customer service is not for everyone.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

No, because you're dealing with people's attitudes because most of the time they call because there's a problem. Most of the time they call because there's a problem with their account and how and they want it resolved.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Yeah, yes, yeah, for sure. So, how can someone listening today start to reframe their own messy past into something meaningful?

SPEAKER_00 23:55

I would say that you need to stop and think and be willing to adapt. Take a moment just to stop and think and say, why if something's not working for you? Why and what can I do to make it better? Don't point the finger to nobody, don't blame anybody. What can you do as an individual to make it better?

Turning Past Jobs Into Strengths

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Yeah, I think that's powerful. I think really do you think it's powerful because so often we we a lot of people are just in blame. I've lived blame every once in a while in my life too. And and but really you're talking about taking responsibility.

SPEAKER_00 24:46

Also, Julie, you you're you have to be willing to set boundaries to honor your values. Yes, yes, can't always worry about someone else's values, you gotta worry about what's important to you, yeah, expressing your true thoughts and feelings, be uh be authentic about it. Hey, this is not working, why it's not working, what can I do to make adjustments?

SPEAKER_01 25:15

Yes, yes, for sure. So important boundaries. Yeah, I was just talking to somebody earlier this morning, and yeah, and we were saying, Oh, boundaries. We need boundaries.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

Yes, and sometimes, Julie, sometimes the choices we make are not aligned with our authentic self. Yes, we we I have taken numerous jobs just for survival, just to pay bills, just just to survive. And I knew I was not a good fit for the job, but I could do the job. So with this job as an educator, your passion has to be there. Yes, yes your passion reflects your heart.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

Yes, and and and and I think that um that an educator is a fabulous place to be or to come from, either, even because the whole world needs education on different various things. And now you're educating women to you know have boundaries, take better care of themselves, to, you know, if they're feel stuck in a job, to to go out and find and find their passion. And I think that that's so important.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

And maybe if you weren't an educator, you wouldn't be doing it exactly, and also I teach people, encourage people to be creative. Yes, be very creative, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

It's funny because I personally didn't think that I was creative, uh, although I have family that are very creative, and I have come to realize that I am now that I'm getting older, I actually have realized I am a super creative, just not in the ways that society might think immediately, you know, for example, painting or photography, that kind of thing. Yes. Yeah. So you talk about curiosity over judgment, and I think that that's I love that. I love that curiosity over judgment. So, what's a powerful question women should start asking themselves today? If there was one question you could give us, what what should we be asking ourselves?

SPEAKER_00 27:44

What what could I learn from this situation? Don't look at it as a failure, look at it as a stepping stone, an opportunity to grow. Yes, that's great, yes. So how life presents us with different challenges all the time, and it's how we respond to it, and some things just don't go as well as planned.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

Yeah, yeah. But those when those they don't go as well as planned, those are usually pretty great growth opportunities if we look if we allow it.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

Yes, yeah, and that's when you have to seek within. I'm a firm believer of my faith, yeah. That's what keeps me going, being flexible, and also reaching out to having a strong network system to let other women know that you're not in this by yourself. Sometimes we think we're in this situation all by ourselves, and and you're not. Yeah, there's always someone there to help you and and also comfort you as well. Yeah, just to get just to get through the day makes a world of difference.

Boundaries That Honor Your Values

SPEAKER_01 29:07

Yes, yes, yeah. So, yeah, uh going into spirituality, because I did find that when I was doing my research for our for our chat today, and you shifted from what why is this happening to me to what is God teaching me? And so, how did that change your emotional resilience?

SPEAKER_00 29:30

It taught me to look at things through my spiritual lens than my than my natural lens, looking at things on a spiritual level, which is different, a lot different because sometimes I kind of like a controller, and I had to realize certain things are just out of my control, out of my control, and to learn to let go and let God fight this battle for me, let God take care of this because I've done all I know how to do at this time. Yes, the only thing I can do is just stand on his word and his promises, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

It's it's just that reaching out to to God or higher power, whatever that is for someone, and just saying, Okay, I'm done. You whatever, whatever you you deal with it. I have a I have a girlfriend that um every once in a while on social media I'll I'll see it, and all she says on her posts is, oh Jesus, take the wheel. And I'm always like, Yeah, uh oh, what's happening today? But I know that she says that.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

Yes, we're used to being the driver's seat. I got the nickname Balsator for my mother, and we're so used to being the driver's seat, and sometimes we had to realize in life that we can't always be in the driver's seat, we're in the passenger seat. Yes, yes, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

So, for someone who isn't spiritually grounded, how can they still find meaning in their struggles?

SPEAKER_00 31:21

It's it goes back to the approach. How do you want to approach it? Look at your genuine passions rather rather like practical paths, set boundaries that honor your values, express your thoughts and feelings, and with those key points in mind, you're able to make better choices that align with your authentic self. Because sometimes we'll be doing things or making not making the right choices is not according to what we align to, what our purpose isn't is not aligned to what we supposed to be purposely called to do. Yes, so true, so true. And sometimes that's what creates the burnout. Ah, yes, yeah. So who do you believe you are today? Today, I see myself as someone, a strong, resilient woman that is capable of handling life, life's choices that may come my way, and it's my faith in God that keeps me going more so than anything else. And we have to keep our minds renewed each and every day, because every day is different.

SPEAKER_01 32:58

Yes, yes, absolutely. What do you think the biggest lie women believe about success? What do you think is the biggest lie?

Faith, Letting Go Of Control

SPEAKER_00 33:10

I think when it comes down to us women, I think one of the biggest lies is that being superwoman. I can I can manage anything that's thrown at me. Uh I am strong, I am tough, and you have to realize you're only human, you can only take but so much, and we have to do a better job creating a better balance in our lives.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Yes. Oh, so true, so true. Yeah. So let me ask you, because you mentioned in in the beginning when I asked you to tell us a little bit more about yourself, you mentioned writing. So, what kind of writing is it that you're doing? Have you written books or are you journaling? Or what what what is it that you're up to with writing?

SPEAKER_00 34:04

Well, when I started writing, I started a blog. Ladybug. Ladybug is one of my um nicknames. People call me Ladybug. And I did write a book called Ladybug. Words, it's called Ladybug on Words from the Heart. Oh, and it's pretty much daily affirmations and meditations that you can use each and every day to experience more positivity. Yeah. And I wrote that book at that time. I was unemployed, but that became my job. And that gave me some and it gave me daily inspiration, believe it or not. Oh no, I believe you. I believe you. I wrote that book while I was looking for a job and got it published. Yes. Wow, good for you.

SPEAKER_01 34:58

Yeah, you sound like the type of uh woman that uh you you're you have faith in God, so you're open to whatever is going to be coming to you, but you all also know how to take action.

SPEAKER_00 35:14

Yes, you it's this thing is about motion, yeah. You just can't just sit there, okay. What direction do I need to move towards to achieve this goal? Yes, it's not gonna fall out the big bulk and sky.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

That's yes. I have I had a girlfriend years and years ago, and she didn't have a boyfriend, and but she never went out, she never did anything. And I said to her, Well, you know, you you can't just sit around waiting for the appliance man to show up at your door, like you know, you gotta get out there, and so she did, and she and she met uh her now husband at a Starbucks, just having a coffee, and they started chatting, but but it I believe that we have to we have to take action. We can't just sit and go, oh, okay, God's gonna do everything for us, so okay, you know, it's all gonna come to me. I'll just wait here for it. We're expected to to do something, whatever that is. And I just love what you said that you wrote that book while you were employed. You could have sat there and watched daytime TV, but you didn't. You you said, I'm gonna write a book while I'm unemployed and make the best use of my time.

SPEAKER_00 36:37

Exactly. Make the best use of your of my time, and I decided I didn't want to waddle in self-pity or go through a depression, it kept my mind on something positive, and that became my work.

Writing, Action, And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 36:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. So if a woman listening feels lost right now, what is the first honest step she needs to take?

SPEAKER_00 37:08

Find out what's her genuine passion is the things that you enjoy doing that brings you the most joy, and that's from the heart.

SPEAKER_01 37:22

Yeah, yeah. So and so often that's hard because we're all caught up in work and daily living and surviving, and and we we forget that we have passions because we we put them aside.

SPEAKER_00 37:38

Well, us women, we're used to putting other people before ourselves, yes, yes. We're moms, we're wives, we're uh we're wearing a lot of hats. We're different people, we differ we are doing different activities within our communities. We're wearing a lot of hats, and we just need to take time just to slow down, sometimes and stop and think, what direction am I really moving towards? How's how's it gonna benefit me? It's benefiting the other person, it's benefiting other people. Yes, I used to volunteer a lot in the community. Other people loved it. I learned new skills, I stayed connected with other people in the community, met people who I normally would wouldn't meet, but it got to the point that I said, well, since I'm an edge an educator, I had to be very mindful about my time. My time is valuable, I don't have as much flexible time as I used to have. Yeah, and I have I have people say, Miss Wan, we you're missing an action, we don't see you as much. I said, Well, I don't have that time anymore. So I had to make I had to make adjustments, right? Yeah, I had to change, yes, yeah, yeah, and make better priorities too, because sometimes we don't prioritize things the way we should.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

No, no, we don't, we don't, and definitely we have a hard time putting ourselves in that priority list. Yeah, yeah. Well, I want to let everyone know that if you would like to reach out to Darlena, we're gonna have her her information in the show notes. So you'll be able to find her and her, I think we're gonna have her website on there. So, Darlena, this has been a wonderful conversation. I think it's really, even for myself, it's got me thinking a little bit differently about the questions that I should be asking myself. I think that is such a that's a such a key to allowing the the blocks to come down in our life. So I really appreciate you doing this podcast. But I do have one final question that I would love to ask you. And what is that? Okay, well, here we go. So if you could sit across from the version of you sitting in that cubicle, the one who felt like she was going nowhere, nowhere, what would you want to say to yourself?

SPEAKER_00 40:25

I would say that Darlena, you have overcome quite a few challenges. You have grown, you've become a stronger person, even a stronger leader, and to have that spirit of resilience to keep persevering through hard, harder, challenging times, and to not give up. Because sometimes, you know, we might feel like, hey, I'm I'm done with this, I need this need to give give up and walk away. I learned something about that. I learned something from it, and that's where I'm at today. That I had that aha mom moment that I need to do something that I'm passionate about, something's aligned to what I'm called to do. And that's when you really discover your authentic self. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 41:27

Oh, beautiful. Well, Darlena, thank you so much for doing this with me. I I greatly appreciate it. And as I said, I it's it's been a conversation that gets you thinking in a good way, a different direction. And I I love the questions. I might write myself down some questions here as soon as we're as soon as we hang up. So I've got them ready to go, but but I want to thank you for that. And thank you for sharing your wisdom and your knowledge and your education with all of us. And uh, those students are lucky to have you. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 42:06

You're my little ones. I'm teaching, I'm teaching second grade this year, and I'm part of a wonderful second grade team at Ben Haven Elementary School.

SPEAKER_01 42:15

Oh, that's yes, that's wonderful. Okay, everyone. Well, that's it for this episode of Women Like Me Stories in Business. I hope you enjoyed and learned a lot from Darlena. I certainly did myself, and we will see you all again next time. Bye bye.