Colinda Laviolette - From Survival to Peace: Healing Trauma, Addiction & Breaking Generational Cycles

Peace can feel uncomfortable… even unsafe… when your life has been built in survival mode.

In this powerful episode, Julie Fairhurst sits down with Colinda Laviolette, who shares her journey of healing as an Indigenous woman reconnecting with her roots, traditions, and community after trauma, addiction, and abuse.

Colinda shares her journey into sobriety, the impact of motherhood, and raising her two sons, with Down syndrome, while navigating her own healing. She opens up about CPTSD, survival conditioning, and how alcohol once became “liquid courage.”

We talk about:
 ✔️ Why peace can feel unfamiliar after trauma
 ✔️ Breaking generational patterns for your children
 ✔️ Sobriety, shame, and emotional healing
 ✔️ Indigenous healing, ceremony, and identity
 ✔️ Setting boundaries without guilt
 ✔️ Rebuilding self-worth after abuse

This conversation is for anyone walking through trauma recovery, domestic violence healing, or learning how to live without chaos.

If you’ve ever felt like calm doesn’t feel normal… this will hit home.

Follow Colinda here:  https://www.facebook.com/colinda.laviolette

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If this conversation stirred something in you… good. That’s where change begins.

Make sure you’re subscribed, share this with someone who needs it, and if you’re ready to tell your story, step into your voice, or build a life that actually feels like yours… You’re in the right place.

I’m Julie Fairhurst, and this is where stories turn into power.

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Transcript

Welcome And Why This Story Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of Women Like Me Stories in Business. I'm your host, Julie Fairhurst, and I'm so excited to have this lady on. This lady and I have connected. Oh gosh, I don't know. It's got to be three, four years now. And she wrote in volume five, and we're like this week, this Friday, we're putting out our 33rd book. So she's like one of my founders for sure, but she is so interesting. You're gonna want to listen to this entire podcast because you're gonna learn something today. So let me tell you a little about her and let me introduce her. So today's conversation is not gonna be light, but it is going to be necessary. And so you're gonna meet a woman today who was walked through trauma, addiction, violence, and silence, and chose not just to survive, but to heal as well. She grew up in chaos, carried generational pain, battled alcoholism, and faced abuse that most people wouldn't survive. And yet she broke the cycle, not just for herself, but for her children. Oh, I just okay. For the generations and for the generations that come after her. So this story is about returning to culture, reclaiming identity, and remembering who you were before the world tried to break you. This is a story about healing your heart and choosing a different ending. Please welcome Colinda Laviolette. Hey, welcome. I'm so excited to have you here.

SPEAKER_03 1:54

Thank you, Julene. It's good to see you again.

What A Healed Heart Feels Like

SPEAKER_00 1:57

And it's nice to see you too. So let's jump in because we did a we did some chatting off-air. And uh, but let's just jump in and see see what we can do here with this amazing conversation we're gonna have. Okay, I want to know when you look back at your life today, what does a healed heart actually feel like for you?

SPEAKER_03 2:19

Oh my. And I would share that with others and I would tell them how it felt, how different things were now, how things were shifting. And they used to say, Oh, you've got your head in the clouds. My response would be, it's much softer than where my head had been for the majority of my life. So, yes, it's definitely much lighter, it's much softer, as I had mentioned. It's not as chaotic, stressful. There's not as much drama. So, yeah, there's sometimes I feel like it's too quiet, but mind you, coming from a lifetime of trauma, that's what I was used to. I was always on high alert, expecting what's the next chaotic situation that I have to protect or defend myself from. So I had been accustomed and conditioned to waiting for the ball to drop, so to speak. And now it's just it's nice.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Well, you would have been living on eggshells back then. Yes, yes, yeah, just just waiting. What made you say something has to change now? So, what was that turning point moment for you?

SPEAKER_03 3:45

Truthfully, it was my son, Dakota. He's 12 years old. He lives with Down syndrome, and he was two years old at the time. Well, for the first two years, I was really pushing through and working with him. He was so tiny and he couldn't latch onto a bottle or to breastfeed. So I had to syringe feed him. And I had midwives coming over a few times a week, checking his weight. If he didn't hit a certain weight, it was always we will be medivacing him out to Yellowknife as we lived in the Northwest Territories at the time. I didn't want him to have to stay in the hospital, so I really pushed those feeds, giving him so much love, attention, and care, speaking positives about himself, who he was as a person, even the organs in his body and how they worked, because my belief is what I fill my children with is what they will believe about themselves, and then what they will manifest into the world. So I was constantly filling him with health and good things. And I also bought a little scale from the local convenience, well, not convenience, hardware store, I guess, small community, so that I can monitor his weight himself. We did well in that first year. We managed to avoid him being metabaced out. We even got him off of his medications, which I'm told people with Down syndrome are on for life.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 5:13

And I don't know, he was about two years old and just watching him and the way I had to care for him. His father is not in a good place himself, alcoholic. And my thought was, well, this little boy needs somebody. The only person I have any power and control over is myself. I can't ask, I can ask his father to try to help make healthy change for this little boy, but I knew he wasn't going to. It was all up to me. So, what was I going to do with this? And oftentimes they say in sobriety or in the AA programs, when you start taking those steps towards your own healing and sobriety, you're supposed to do it for yourself and not for anybody else. I agree with that overall, but for me, and I will always share it, and I've shared it many times, it was that little boy of mine, Dakota, who if sometimes I still say 10 years later, just celebrated my 10th year of sobriety in January. And I will still say, if I did not have that little boy, I don't know what my life would have become.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

So you can say is he saved you too.

Dakota And The Turning Point

SPEAKER_03 6:22

He did. And it's a good thing because when he was six years old, I had my sixth child, another little boy who lives with Down syndrome. So I've got two. And they're my whole world. And uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Well, you when you you grew up in a in quite a deep dysfunction and trauma family. What did that look like? What did it look like for you to be like what was your normal?

SPEAKER_03 6:54

My normal, oh my gosh. When I look back, I feel that I was often in a state of depression. I wanted to be happy, but I couldn't even tell you what happy looked like. I might feel it for a small span of time or have a good moment in a day with my siblings for laughing and wrestling and such. I'm the oldest of three. My younger sister is, I believe, six, seven years younger. Oh, wow. So I was often taking care of them. I looked at my brother and sister almost as my own children, as young as I was. So I spent the most time with them. So often days, my days were ensuring that they were okay, they were fed, they were safe, protecting them at times from people in the community or family members, even who had hurt me. I didn't want them to go through or feel the same things that I did. So I was always on high alert when it came to their protection and well-being also. And as I mentioned earlier, it was often feeling that I was walking on eggshells. Was I doing things right that were satisfactory to those that surrounded me? Or was I doing something possibly wrong or saying something wrong? Did I need to correct myself? Because I could get hit, I could be yelled at, I could be sworn at, have something flying across the room at me. So that's where my first priority was back then was ensuring safety for myself and my siblings.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

Yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 8:25

And then having my first child at 18 like continued on protecting my children in such ways.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Yeah. Wow. There's a moment where you say you always felt something was missing, but you couldn't describe the empty emptiness. Can you describe it now? Do you know what it was?

SPEAKER_03 8:46

I have an idea, I believe, now. I now know what happiness and joy and good moments and times look like for a span of time, not just for a quick moment in a day. And there is a huge disconnection from myself and my spirit for a majority of my life. And I didn't realize or understand that until maybe about 10 or so years ago. And returning to and connecting back to the culture, to the traditional indigenous ways of living and being and knowing. And I think I've shared with you before that I always felt more in touch with the spiritual side.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:26

I think I spoke of some of that in the book as well. And there were times I felt disconnected from that. But I realized the times I felt disconnected from that also was because I was in a heavy emotional state. And when we're stuck in a place in a mindset of dwelling on the next chaotic moment or the next hurtful moment, we don't think of or see anything else that's surrounding us. So now I'm able to see the positives, things that I'm grateful for each day. And yeah, it's just it's a much better place to be than where I was for more than 30 years of my life.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Yeah. Yes. Well, and and when we're living in that kind of environment, that state, we're we're living in a survival mode. Yes. Just from sometimes moment to moment.

SPEAKER_03 10:22

Yes. And I still catch myself at times falling back into that. I guess I was so conditioned from quite a young age to be in survival mode. And growing up, basically, we grew up in poverty. My mother was a single mother. She tried her best. She went to school. She did different things to try to make a better life for her children. But there were times we didn't have much or empty fridge, empty cupboards. So I find my kids have never experienced that. And my oldest is 29. They've never known what it's like to not have anything to eat. But yet I'll find myself falling back into I have to penny pinch. I have to think ahead, even a week or two in advance. I have this much right now, but I have to prepare for this and I have to prepare for that. And I get stuck in a place of worrying and stressing. Is everything going to be okay? And I have to remind myself, we're not in that space anymore. Things are different now. We're not that child or that teen who had to worry about if my mother couldn't pull things together, how can I support and doing that as well? Gee, I even I had my first job at 13 years old because I had to provide my own clothing and such too.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

So wow. Yeah. When you grow up in scarcity, if we're not careful, we can stay there. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Well, you experience abuse, silence, fear. What did that teach you about your worth at that time?

SPEAKER_03 12:02

Oh my. It's interesting because I think it was just last night on TikTok. I was scrolling when I should have been sleeping. Like the rest of us. Yes. I can't remember exactly what the post had said, but it was something along the lines of um when we've lived through chaotic situations for most of our life and had to walk on eggshells, even when we do well, when we have success or achievement in our lives, we're not excited about it. We're not happy about it. And I recall going through that many times. I used to hide things that I was doing well in school. I kept that to school. I love being at school because I could be me. I was in gifted classes, honor role, student leadership, student debate. I had skipped grades.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

Wow.

Growing Up In Chaos And Scarcity

SPEAKER_03 12:57

And the way the way I was going and what they were trying to push me towards back then, I wanted to be a doctor. And the principal had spoken to my mother and said, you know, your daughter's doing so well. This is where her IQ is. She can do this. But she had moved me back to our home community. So that kind of fell apart there. But I recall also when I did the Corrections Northern Recruit Training Program. I should have been proud of myself. I wasn't. At first I was, and then all of a sudden there was a moment of, hey, whoa, what did you do? You succeeded. You completed something. You graduated. We had a full-out graduation ceremony, and the people that were there, government officials, the RCMP. It was a big thing for us. And afterwards, I was just like, hey, whoa, I wasn't supposed to do that. But it was always go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

I was just gonna say it's it's it's that imposter syndrome that creaks creeps in, right? Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

You still deal with that from time to time.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:01

I had family who used to tell me, who do you think you are? You're not supposed to do that, especially as an indigenous woman. And going back to like the early, late 80s, early 90s, that mindset was still there for many. Indigenous people didn't succeed that way. There were so many stereotypes put upon us. And some of our families actually went with that. You're not supposed to.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:26

Sometimes I think back and I wonder if those particular people in my family, for whatever reason, they wanted to hold me back. They wanted to ensure that I didn't succeed or move forward in any way, shape, or form.

SPEAKER_02 14:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:42

I've kept them out of my life. So yeah, I can move forward easily and happily now.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

Yeah. You know, as you were talking, Colinda, I a memory of my mom and myself popped in. And my mom was very, very, very, very, very messed up lady. And she was from the time I was 10, she was never had a nice thing to say about anybody. But I got I had a job and I got promoted. I was taking care of children with disabilities, and I got promoted to house manager, which was a big deal for me. And so I phoned her to tell her. I said, Oh mom, guess what? I got I got promoted to house manager. And there was silence. And then she said, you know what that goddamn brother of yours did?

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

That's why we have a hard time of not being able to feel the what we have achieved.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

And I think, you know, and I know my mom loved me, and I know that she didn't mean what she was saying. And I know that she was proud of me, especially before before she passed away. But she was in such a nasty, negative, icky state. Yes, that she couldn't even be happy for something that they're her own child, you know. So it doesn't surprise me with your family members as well, right? You know, and then and then you were growing, you're growing, and they're staying the same. And that's an uncomfortable feeling. And whether they realize it or not, we want everybody to be like us.

unknown 16:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

It's not healthy.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

I had an interesting phone call a few weeks back from one of my aunts, the worst one out of all of them. She called me. Normally I won't take her calls. If she texts, I don't respond. She's been told not to contact me because there's never anything good said, and it always ends up in upset. Yes. She called me and I thought, you know, it's been a while. People change. She's getting older. So I took that phone call. It started off as a good conversation about an hour into it. And then all of a sudden it said, or she said, sorry, are you still facilitating? Are you still doing trauma and mental health and wellness workshops? And I said, I am actually. And I really enjoy it. I love the work that I do. And then her next comment was, You have no business doing any of that work with anybody. And I was just like, wait, whoa, I know where this is going. Because she always, since I was a child, she always tried to pull me back in anything that I've done. My instant thought was she has not changed at all. Yeah. And I believe she thrives on chaos and drama. She's so conditioned to it from her own upbringing and home.

SPEAKER_02 17:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

So I had to end that all. And my thought was, I remember, thank you for reminding me exactly why I had to step away from you and why you don't know my children.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

Yes, yes. And it's sad because it's the same with my with my mom. By the time I woke up and said, this is not healthy, my youngest hardly even knew my mom. But that was the way it had to be because it was just not, and it's not that I didn't love them, and it's not that I didn't care about them, but the distance had to come because it was just too negative and being pulled down and into all of their drama.

unknown 18:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

So we have to do what we have to to protect ourselves and their jobs.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

That's right. That's right. Absolutely we do. Well, let me ask you a shift a little bit. So alcohol became a way for you to cope. Yes. But what did it give you that life didn't give you?

SPEAKER_03 18:29

At that time, I kind of shake my head as I think back. I thought it gave me everything. Yes. When I needed that boost, it gave it to me. I used to be so shy, quiet. I didn't like to speak from my heart or my mind. I did not ever confront anybody, or I couldn't even say what you had said or done that really hurt me. Can we talk about or I notice an upset? Can we sit down, talk, and see if we can resolve this? That was never me. But if I had something on my mind and I really wanted to tell you if I felt extremely hurt, I was gonna have a few drinks and then I'm gonna give you a call. Yes. Yes, but I needed that liquid courage.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

Even to have fun, I needed that. To dance and to socialize, I needed that. To me, it was there in sad moments, and even for moments that required celebration, because while I didn't know how to function as majority of humanity, I guess, knows how to function based on how I grew up, based on how I was conditioned and wired, and the understanding now, too, with all the training I've taken as to how I was wired right from my my mother's womb as I was developing based on what she was surrounded by, which was a lot of chaos.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

Yes. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 20:04

Oh, it was just it was already ingrained for me to be in a place ready to react chaotic situations.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

Yeah. At what point did you realize that you weren't just coping, but you were actually trapped in a cycle?

When Success Triggers Shame

SPEAKER_03 20:19

At what point? Thing that instantly comes to mind is in relationship of many years. I took a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. I would sit, I wouldn't say anything. I would be being yelled at, screamed at, being called horrible names, being sworn at, being accused of things I had never done, and he didn't know because, well, you're not home, so how can you accuse me of this and that? I'm with my kids always. And there was a moment where he was standing in front of me, standing over me, leaning towards me, had his forehead and nose pushed against mine as he yelled and he screamed. I had tears streaming down. My boys were in another room, and I had the splash. I say at times I have visions. And what happened as I was sitting there in that state was I saw my boys, older, grown families of their own. They were alcoholics, they were abusive, they were hurting their own family, they were hurting their own children physically and their spouses as well. And for a moment it was like I saw all of this play out. And that was my point where I had to do something, I had to push back because that's not who I wanted my children to be. And I've got six sons ranging from six years to 29 years old. And in that moment, something switched, something flipped. I won't go into full detail of how it ended. Yes, but that was where it was something has to change, and it has to change now. I want my sons to be healthy husbands, spouses, fathers. I want them to be there and present for their family.

SPEAKER_02 22:11

I want

SPEAKER_03 22:12

Them to know that this is what I went through. This is why life played out the way that it did for me. But now that I've grown, I've been doing my healing work, I've been on this journey, everything that I've learned, I understand how it can affect us. How if we don't start to create these changes and work together, this is what life will look like for you in the future. And it breaks my heart. It broke my heart in the moment when I had that vision. And it was, no, I'm gonna do what I can to ensure that my future grandchildren, I still don't have any. I have grandcats.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Yes, I have a few. I have a grand dog. I have grandchildren too, but I also have a granddog. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 22:56

Yeah, one day they'll come. And from what I see of my boys so far, I think they're going to be those amazing fathers and husbands that I had envisioned and prayed for when that time comes.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

Wow. What I just am, I just have to commend you. Like what to to to see that and to say, okay, this is gonna stop right here, because those boys are gonna end up in this exact situation if if we continue down this path. Yes. Or you continue down this path. Somebody has to change. Yeah. And that's not easy. Change isn't easy.

SPEAKER_03 23:36

It's not at all. Even my boys, as they start to see changes in me, I used to be reactive. And it used to be dad said this or dad did that because he was drinking. Mom's going to be upset. And I remember there was an incident where he was out and about. I'm at home and I was told what had taken place. And I said, Oh, well, that's fine. I'm I don't know what to say. I hope he figures that out. And my son was like, What? What do you mean? You're not upset? No, that's his stuff. Why am I going to continue to carry it? And we were separated now at this time for about a year or two, but he's still heavily involved in my life.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

I try to keep him in line still as best as I can from time to time, 12 years later.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

But that was my thing, was that's not my stuff. And that is his life, not mine. He needs to fix that. As long as I know my boys are safe and they're okay, and this stuff doesn't affect you guys or me directly, then that's not my concern. And from time to time in that first year, things would come up, and it was like my sons were stunned at times.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:50

Where did our mom go? Something happened to her. She's not reacting, she's not upset. So it took some getting used to for everybody.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

I love that though, Calinda. Like it's not, it's not my stuff. Even with your spouse or your mothers or your grandparents or aunties or nieces and nephews. It's, you know, because like you, I think you said it in the beginning of our conversation is that is that you can't we can't change people as much as we try and we would like to. We just can't.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

So you talk about passing the invisible baton, the invisible emotional baton to your children. And I think that's super powerful. And that kind of goes with what we were just talking about. My question was going to be what did you see happening that woke you up? But you've just obviously explained that. But we do, right? We pass those batons onto our onto our family members.

SPEAKER_03 25:51

Yes, and usually we're not aware of that. We don't even know what's taking place. Majority are still not aware that everything that we've carried, trauma-wise, abuse, addictions, alcoholism, and so on, if we're not doing the work, we're not conscious and aware, we're passing all of that down to our children. And what are they seeing at home? What are we modeling? What are they picking up and seeing as normal? How are they going to go into their own lives as adults and such parents, spouses? What is their home life going to look like? And how are their children going to turn out and live life in this world?

SPEAKER_02 26:34

Yeah.

Alcohol As Courage And Escape

SPEAKER_03 26:34

I never would have thought, even 15 years back, that what was happening in the home, what was continuing repeatedly, my kids were being taught that this is what life is, this is how life is done. This is how your father expresses love to his mother. So, as men, this is how you should express love and care to your spouse and your children as well. No, it was completely wrong. This is not healthy at all. But see, I never understood even as an adult yet, because a lot of what I was dealing with and putting up with, allowing, I saw that with my own mother too, and past relationships that she was in. My mother was a victim of years of domestic abuse and violence. She did also, my stepdad, I call him now, she did meet an amazing man who helped to shift things for us. But before he came, I had witnessed so many years of that already. And so I just continued it on.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

And there's no judgment, of course, in any of that, because unless you've walked in someone's shoes, how can you possibly know? But I hope that whoever is listening to this conversation, I hope that at least is a little bit of a twig that maybe wakes them up a little bit, that whatever is going on in your house is more than likely going to be carried through to somebody else's house down the road because that's what they learned. That's what they taught were taught, and that's what they saw. You know, of course, it's not always like that. No.

SPEAKER_03 28:28

Um there's the story of uh the two sons with the same father.

SPEAKER_00 28:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

And I've had one of my own sons reflect that to me a few times throughout the years.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

One son turns out just like the other the father does, and the other son turns out completely opposite and has a great life. Yes, yes, and so they come to a place in time too, deciding that that's not who they want to be.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

So it's not always we have to break the cycle, but it certainly helps that we take those huge steps and make that workload lighter emotionally, spiritually, mentally for our own children.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Yeah, yeah. You've done some training with now. Hopefully, I get I get this wonderful man's name right. Gabe Gabriel, Gabe Mat Mat, what's his name? You know. Dr. Gabor Mate. Gabor Mate. There you go. Thank you for that. I have one of his books. I should have got the name right. But um he, I saw him in a in an interview once, and he said, and I thought this was so interesting, he said that children don't grow up in the same house, although they grow up in the same house. Because, like you were born, but then there was a six, seven-year difference. Well, six, seven years, people change or they go downhill, or they evolve, or they don't evolve, and all sorts of other things happen. So you grow up in a certain house, then your siblings grow up in maybe a completely different house. Same four walls, same roof, but a different house.

SPEAKER_03 30:03

Yes. And it was definitely like that for my younger sister. She left early. She had good reason to leave home before she was even 18 years old. But she built a life for herself. She started working early, she had a good job, she made good money. She was saving money. I remember she had a jar and she had like 50s, hundreds, twenties. She was saving because she had a plan even about two years before she actually left.

SPEAKER_02 30:33

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 30:33

She went to work, she saved, she left, she found a home on her own. And then she was married, I think, at 20, 21, and her marriage lasted more than 20 years. And the way she did her home life, at times she used to think, Well, I'm the oldest. How come I couldn't do it this way? What did she do so different?

SPEAKER_02 30:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

But just like my second oldest son, she chose to do life in a different way from what we were shown. Yeah. She already knew what she was willing to tolerate and where she needed boundaries, and she enforced them.

SPEAKER_02 31:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:07

There was a time when I was still drinking where I used to feel left out at times because she acted like the older sister. She would try to tell me what to do and how to do life and be offended. But I know well now she was trying to steer me in a better direction.

unknown 31:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:24

I couldn't see it till back then.

SPEAKER_00 31:26

No, but you protected her. I did, yeah. You did. I mean, I'm sure that helped to form her. It could have, yes. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. Because you were there. You were taking the brunt of what was happening.

SPEAKER_03 31:41

And you know, my son, one of them, my third one, he has a little name for me. I won't say all of it. It's not all the time, it's just something that comes up once and then odd while my mom could be a real crazy. I won't say the other why do you tell people that? And you said, Well, it's true. But it only comes out when my kids are threatened or hurt. My kids, my mom, my brother, my sister, my nieces, and my nephew.

SPEAKER_02 32:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

Yes, I've got a little bit of a temper. I I maintain it. I'm an Aries, too. Oh, yeah. Well, there you go. I'm an Aries.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

I you Aries are always fighting or fiery, right? That's right.

The Vision That Ended The Cycle

SPEAKER_03 32:24

I use mine in good ways. I'm known as a go-getter. If you want something done, she's going to do it. If you need advocating or push, Calinda will get it done. And I do it respectfully. But just don't hurt my family or my children, please, because yes, that little witch I try to keep contained. She comes out so four sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. So you can understand with some of what I've shared though, yes. Why it had to come out in those ways, especially as my siblings came along and then my own children. I was quite fierce about protecting them.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

Yeah. You just you chose treatment that included indigenous culture. So why was that part so important to your healing? I think I know why, but tell us.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

Well, I'm not sure if I ever shared with you why I actually chose the place that I did. My grandmother had fought with alcoholism as well, and she chose the same place. And she also went on to receive training as an alcohol and addictions counselor from the same place a few years later. My mother went to the same place. And she also went towards counseling and addictions and such as a career path at one point. And so for me, it was it worked for them, my mother and my grandmother. I want to go to the same place as well. And with the indigenous aspects as well, where I was and the mindset and state I was in back then, I couldn't see around me or find what was happening ceremony-wise, learning the traditional skills. I knew a lot, but there was a lot that I had put on the back burner for a number of years. So I kind of forgot how to utilize. Yeah. So I was looking for that and couldn't find it. But here at this treatment center that I chose to attend, it was a daily practice.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:19

They also included weekly sweat lodges, which was my first real experience with the sweat lodge. And I feel that was huge.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:27

In that first year of my healing journey.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Well, your story is let's see, do I have it right? Finding your way back to your indigenous culture. Wasn't that what I think that was the title of close to that? Very close to close to that. And so I think for for you know, for all of us, no matter where we are, where we've come from, I think we need that sense of community wherever, whatever our community is. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 34:59

Yes, the connection, the supports and such. And for us as Indigenous people, a lot of that connection is to the natural world.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:08

The land, the sky, the water, the animals, the birds, community as a whole. Many years back, long before colonization, it was literally a community to raise a child. Everybody had a role and helped in some way, shape, or form. There was no such thing as a single mother because she had so much help and support around her. And also natural law, there's the various religions and such. And I don't knock any of them. I've dabbled in all of them when I was looking for what worked for me. Yes. But returning to natural and universal law as well, that was huge for me because things just fell sideways completely. And I also got to a point in time in my own life where though I'm Catholic, I started to question some things. Things that came up with residential schools, the children and such. And I was like, hey, wait, whoa, that's not who I am or what I'm about. This is what fits for me.

SPEAKER_02 36:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

And finding that connection again back to the spirituality. So my grandmother, when she was alive as well, she played a huge role in that in teaching me. And then I lost her at a young age.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

So I felt in the book. Doesn't she give you a gift or tell you your gifts?

SPEAKER_03 36:29

She told me from the age of maybe three years old, my earliest memories, that I was very gifted. I had a variety of gifts. I still hear that at times from different people. I've heard it all my life that I'm very gifted. Even Gabor Matei told me I was gifted and I was a healer. And even coming from him, I had trouble accepting it. But it's a way of how we work with and understand and connect with others, is the way I see it now. And not everybody has that ability to earn the trust and gain that connection and respect with people quickly. I still don't fully understand how I do it, but I do. And my grandmother used to tell me that I was here to help people. That was one of my hugest purposes here. Why I came to be on this physical plane at all was because I was meant to help people. And she would never tell me how. It's part of how I ended up with the correction service. Well, I was going to go for nursing. I wanted to be a doctor because I thought maybe these were ways I was supposed to help.

SPEAKER_01 37:34

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

And even going for the correction service, I thought, well, that's a way that I can help and work with women who have had a variety of things happen in life that put them in new situations.

SPEAKER_02 37:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:45

I'm still connected to the correction service, but I know that that's I can help to an extent there, but not fully. And what I do is a facilitator. I can help in the ways that speak to my heart as well, and where I know I'm helping to create a difference for others.

SPEAKER_02 38:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:04

But it took years of searching for what did she mean? She left me with so many unanswered questions with everything that she shared with me while she was here.

unknown 38:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:14

But I have not let that lady rest. She's been gone for more than 30 years. Wow. I still speak to her, I pray to her, I ask for her help before I go into a room to facilitate or even when working with others one-on-one. I set my prayers and intentions and I do ask for the help, the words that need to come through, what needs to be heard or shared, that is going to be helpful, that those are for those that are apart. My grandmother is just, you told me, woman, when I was like three years old. Then you left me. I had to search for my answer. So now I need your courage and strength. So just walk with me.

SPEAKER_00 38:55

Grandmothers. Beautiful. Love grandmothers. So how do you see your life now as you're preparing for the work you're doing? Or the work you're the work you're going back to, I should say. Because you've you stepped out a little bit to take a little bit of a break, but now you're you're back in the swing of things. So where do you see your life headed now?

SPEAKER_03 39:18

Oh my gosh, in all honesty, I just made a comment to somebody last week. They said, Hey, your birthday's coming next week. Are you happy with where you're at? And I said, Well, overall, yeah, but I'm still trying to figure out what do I want to do and be when I grow up.

unknown 39:32

Yes.

Healing Through Indigenous Culture And Ceremony

SPEAKER_03 39:32

And I think that's that every mindset. I still have a few years left in my 40s, but to me, it's no, I'm not anywhere near 50. I've got so much life left ahead of me. And I love the work in trauma, addictions, healing, grief and loss, the MMIW and residential school groups and such. I love the connections that I make. But there's times where this work is extremely slow. So I have created a business. I'm registered license insured, and I'm also on the business incentive program with the government of Northwest Territories. So taking all those steps, it has taken some time to get there because again, being a single parent of special needs children. Yes. But I did it. I did it by myself. I didn't have any help. I didn't have any financial means as well. But where there's a will, there's a way. And I feel like I'm so full of will. It's just finding those ways at times. But I did that. And now that the last few months I'm trying to step back fully into that.

SPEAKER_00 40:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 40:37

Yeah. Like nothing happens overnight. A good thing, it takes time for a good thing to bake. Yes. To bake, or lack of a word. So at times I want to see things unfold in good ways quicker. But I remind myself, I still have things to learn through and go through and grow through as well to ensure that I'm able to fully show up for my participants and those who entrust me with their community members or with their staff, their youth, their elders, whoever they bring me in to connect with and share with. Yes. I'm working with people from the inside out. I'm working with their hearts, minds, and emotions. I need to be in a completely good space as well. So of course. Sometimes I want it all to unfold now. I want to be busy in the work, but at the same time, there's always a lesson or a teaching along the way, too.

SPEAKER_00 41:33

Yeah. Well, what do you want women who feel stuck, broken, or lost to hear from you right now?

SPEAKER_03 41:44

One of the things I like to share in my groups as well is this is a temporary, temporary moment and state. I know we often don't think that way when we are so stuck in it. We feel like this is just it forever. I've learned to do grounding work, breath work, a variety of different healing practices for myself. And when I fall into those moments, I have to bring myself back to a place of this is just temporary. There's something that you need to rise through in this moment, or there's a new direction you have to take. So just sit with this, feel it, allow the feelings, cry, bend, do what you need to now, or your own self-care. And as we get to a better state, better space, better frame of mind, our answers will start to come in which direction we're supposed to go and how to resolve this. I used to fall heavy and mind you, I also live with CPTSD, which I learned while training with Kaboranate. I've had to learn to work with that. And depending on such situations, things that we carry, we have to do a little more work at times, or we need support. And it's okay to ask for that support because we can't always do this on our own. We weren't meant to carry such heavy loads on our own, but things will start to look up and move forward. We're not stuck there forever.

SPEAKER_00 43:09

Yeah, I I agree with you. And I I've, you know, throughout the years, I know of people who have unfortunately committed suicide and that type of thing. And and I always think, because I remember being in that place. I remember I called my ex-husband once and I said, if you don't come down here, you're gonna read about it in the newspaper. I was so done. And he came and I went to a girlfriend's house, and I'm not joking, I slept for seven days. I was so exhausted. But look at all the great, fabulous stuff that's happened in my life. There's been lots of downs, but there's been some great ups. And I I just look forward. Like I'm just like, I don't want to die. I want to like live. I want to live to be 100. I want to live to be 110. Imagine what this world is gonna be like and all the fun things we're gonna get to do. But it's hard to see that when you're in that come down here, or you're going to read about it in the newspaper. Yes.

Building A Life Of Purpose

SPEAKER_03 44:19

You know, even as you mentioned that, it reminds me of another point in time, some years back, with my brother. Whenever I was going through something, I would bent on my brother. And sometimes I would blame him without realizing I was blaming him. And same thing, you better this, you better that, or this, this, and that. And he used to be like, Well, what did I say or do? I would even block him on my phone. I would block him off social media. He hadn't done a thing wrong. I couldn't even tell him why I was doing this. But I learned over the years he was my safe space. I could let go and release everything. And I knew that tomorrow he's still gonna love me. When I unblocked him, I'm going to find a message that says, Are we okay? Are you still my big sister? And you do you still love me? And it was always like that. And when I started to learn such things, and I was able to share with him, you know why I was so reactive and why I let loose on you. I was able to apologize, but also say, I've learned over the years and work and training I've been doing, you were my safe space. You never judged me. You always accepted me fully and unconditionally, no matter what happened in my life. So it doesn't make it right. It doesn't mean it's okay. No, it doesn't. This is why I did what I did.

SPEAKER_02 45:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:46

But I want to do things different. I want to be able to come to you and say, you know what, brother, I'm dealing with something. And can I vent to you? Can we talk? That's how we do things. And I don't know what how long it's been since I've last blocked him.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

Well, understand though. Yes, yeah. Aw. Well, for women that are listening who feels like it's too late, what would you say to her?

SPEAKER_03 46:11

Depends on the situation, of course. It's not too late. Like even for me at my age now, I'll go ahead and say it. I'm 48 as of today, and I've noticed.

SPEAKER_00 46:22

Yes, yes, and happy birthday, Calinda.

SPEAKER_03 46:25

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 46:25

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to say it on the air, but I'm a happy birthday.

SPEAKER_03 46:30

But I noticed leading up to my birthday, off and on the last couple of weeks, especially. I noticed it started maybe a month ago, and I thought, oh my gosh, I'm going to be 48. It's too late for me in some things, in some capacities. But then friends that I have, connections, social media and such. And I see women that are 10, 20 years older than me doing things for the first time, like relationship-wise, being on my own for as long as I have been just getting out of a relationship that wasn't the greatest as well. And that's where I think I started with the it's too late for me. It's only too late for me if I put myself in that mindset and I believe that I'm the only one that's going to hold me back. There's nothing else in life that says it's too late. And depending on what the situation is again, like even to reach out to a connection, a relation where we had falling out years ago, it's up to me to take that first step. But if I take that first step and they're not reacting in a kind way or accepting of my taking that step to make an amends, then that's their stuff too. I've done my part. I can't force anybody to accept what I'm bringing to the table. And I have to accept that there's a reason for that. Maybe they've grown further than I have, or I've grown further than they have, and we're just not a fit anymore. And maybe at another place in time, but to learn to be able to accept and let go and walk away. But letting go and accepting, we could talk about for hours. How do you get to that place in that point? It is definitely a process. It feels difficult at times. But as we do the work, things do get lighter, they get easier, we do move forward. I wish I could say there was an easy way, but I'd be lying to everybody if I did.

SPEAKER_00 48:25

Yeah, yes. Oh. Oh, Golinda, I appreciate you so much doing this. Your openness, your honesty. It's it's just, I know. I mean, even for me, I'm sitting here and I'm like, oh yeah, oh yeah. Click, click, click. You know, it just sometimes we need to be remembered about these things in in life. And I'm sure that that a lot of people, men and women that will watch this are going to hopefully have some clicking moments in their mind going, hmm, yeah, I gotta think about this. And I yeah, it's just we feel so sometimes we can feel just so stuck. Yes. Afraid to move forward. That imposture syndrome, all that stuff comes barreling down on us. And and sometimes it can be hard to move, but even baby steps helps.

SPEAKER_03 49:23

Yes, I'm huge on that baby steps, taking things slow and gently and having compassion for yourself, not beating yourself up, especially when you've never done these things before. It's a new process for you. You're basically rewiring and retraining your brain, your nervous system, yourself. You're learning new habits, new ways of being. And that deserves tons of gentleness and compassion and love and care for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 49:51

We need to give ourselves, we need to give ourselves grace.

SPEAKER_03 49:55

Yes.

Final Encouragement And How To Connect

SPEAKER_00 49:56

Yes, exactly. Yeah, we sure do. Well, everybody, I want you to look at this lady because this is what it looks like to break cycles. And this is what it looks like to choose differently because we can, even when you think you can't, you can. And this is what it looks like when a woman decides it ends with me. Oh, I just appreciate you so much. And thank you. Thank you again, Calinda, for doing this.

SPEAKER_03 50:26

Thank you, Julie, for having me and having me share with you today.

SPEAKER_00 50:29

Oh, I appreciate it. Well, we could go on and on and on, but unfortunately we can't. But we could. So, everyone, thank you for tuning in. If you, you know, if you want to reach out to Calinda, we might have some information in the show notes where you can do that. She's a wealth of knowledge and uh she does workshops and she's she's there to help. So, you know, don't hesitate doing that. Well, thank you, Calinda. I guess we're gonna sign off and thank you for being here. I appreciate you again so much. Take care. Thank you again, you also. Okay, bye bye, everybody.