Teri M Brown: Rebuilding After Abuse, Reinvention After 50 & Riding Across America

She didn’t set out to become “the woman who rode across America.” She just needed proof that her life still belonged to her.

In this powerful episode of Women Like Me Stories & Business, Julie Fairhurst sits down with author, podcaster, and speaker Teri M Brown for an honest conversation about rebuilding after an emotionally abusive marriage, finding courage after years of self-doubt, and choosing one brave, unreasonable goal anyway.

Teri shares what life looked like before and after leaving her marriage in 2017, including the healing, fear, freedom, and rebuilding that followed. We talk about what it means to reclaim your voice, especially after years spent without a safe space to be creative, take risks, or fully trust yourself.

Then came the tandem bicycle — and a 3,102-mile ride across the United States during COVID. Terri opens up about the physical struggle, emotional breakdowns, mental spirals, and surprising strength she discovered along the way. Her story is a reminder that being emotional does not mean being weak. Sometimes tears are just the soul sweating.

We also talk about reinvention after 50, writing messy first drafts, becoming a published author, finding honest and kind feedback, and taking one practical step when life feels too big.

If you are craving a second act, a creative comeback, or a way out of “I’m not enough,” this conversation will give you language, courage, and a path forward.

Subscribe to Women Like Me Stories & Business for more conversations with women who are turning lived experience into wisdom, healing, leadership, and impact.

Want to connect to Teri?
Website:  www.terimbrown.com

If this conversation stirred something in you… good. That’s where change begins.

Make sure you’re subscribed, share this with someone who needs it, and if you’re ready to tell your story, step into your voice, or build a life that actually feels like yours… You’re in the right place.

I’m Julie Fairhurst, and this is where stories turn into power.

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Transcript

Welcome And Terry’s Big Reset

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hi everyone, welcome to another episode of Women Like Me Stories and Business. I'm your host, Julie Fairhurst. Today I'm here with Terry M. Brown. Now I'm excited to get into this lady's story. It's it's she's actually done a few really super interesting things. So let's get in. So Terry M. Brown is an author. She's a podcaster and a speaker from North Carolina. Her story is one of courage, adventure, reinvention, and reclaiming life after an abusive marriage. After riding across the United States on a tandem bicycle in 2020, Terry finished that jury with a journey with a powerful realization that if she could do that, she could do anything. So today we're going to talk about what it means to survive abuse, rediscover your strength, take on an adventure that changes how you see yourself and step into a new identity later in life. Terry, thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it. Thank you for having me. I'm super excited to be with you today. Oh, good. Okay. So let's start off by you telling us a little bit about yourself and the work that you're doing today.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Yeah, so you know, you kind of covered it. I'm an I'm an author. I started writing for small businesses in in 2000.

Writing Work That Quietly Built Freedom

SPEAKER_01 1:31

That's kind of where I started. I was a homemaker. I have four children. I wanted to be able to be home with them writing for small businesses who were just getting on the internet. You have to remember in 2000, the internet was like this new thing, and small businesses were busy getting out there for the first time, and they were doing it very poorly. And so there were all kinds of really bad websites out there. And I realized, hey, this is something that I could do and I could do this from home. So I started doing that. And I desperately, desperately wanted to be an author. I wanted to write, like, you know, novels, but I was in a very bad relationship. I was in an abusive relationship. And you just don't put your soul out into the world when you can't, you don't have any safe spaces. And so in my home, it wasn't a safe space. And so there was no way I was going to say, hey, here's the inside thoughts of my mind. And then have someone out in the world say to me, I didn't like it. Because I was already getting that at home, right? I didn't need more of that.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

So in 2017, I got out of that relationship and words started pouring out of me. But it wasn't until I went on that ride that you talked about across the United States that I realized I really could become an author. And 14 months after that ride, my first novel came out. That was in 22. And so in 22, my first novel came out. And then I've had a novel or a book a year since then. So I've now have four novels and a memoir. And I even have a children's book out now.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

So wow, good for you. Wow. That's amazing. What were you what were you doing for the for the businesses back in 20 in 2000? Were you just trying to like rewrite their copy so that it was more I did a I did a lot of internet copy rewriting.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

I did a lot of small booklets. You know, I did a lot with real estate agents and they wanted things that they could hand to their clients, like pen things you need to do before buying your first home, you know, that kind of thing. Yes. And I was good at that. I'm good at research and I'm good at finding those nuggets and putting them in a nice, neat way that's readable. And so I had a lot of business that way. It was really a good thing for me at the time because, like I said, I was I was a stay-at-home mom and I wanted to be. It's very much what I wanted to do is be home with my children. And it gave me that income. It also, without me realizing it, gave me a way to get out of a bad relationship later.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

Right. Because I had something to, but I didn't at the time that I started it, I certainly wasn't thinking to myself, oh, this is how I'll get out of this bad marriage. I mean, that that wasn't it.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Right. Right. Wow. That is so that's so interesting. So before coming in becoming an author, what did your life look like?

SPEAKER_01 4:25

So are we talking before I became a fiction author? Is that what you're saying? Like like in 22? Yeah. Yeah.

Leaving The Marriage And Starting Over

SPEAKER_01 4:33

So, you know, yes, I lived in an in an emotionally abusive relationship for 14 years, and that wasn't pretty. On the other hand, not everything about my life was terrible. I have four wonderful children. We have a very good relationship. But when I got out of that relationship in 17, the first thing I did was move to the beach. I have wanted to live at the beach my entire adult life. And I thought, what is stopping me at this point? My children were all grown. My youngest graduated from high school at almost the exact same time that I got out of that marriage. And it was like, what is keeping me here? Nothing. I want to be at the beach. And so I headed to the beach. Very shortly after I got there, I found out that my oldest child was, he and his wife were having a baby. And so I knew I was going to be a grandma. And so all of the things were really kind of going my way. But I was also very damaged. You don't live in an emotionally abusive relationship for 14 years and come out of that, a whole individual. You can get out of the relationship, but there's still a lot of things that have to happen. So I was writing, I was still writing for small businesses. That's how I was keeping myself afloat. And I started writing manuscripts, most of which are terrible and we'll never see the light of day. But that's how you get started, right? That is, yes. But I wasn't showing them to anyone because I didn't believe in myself at all. So I think I was kind of going through the motions of life. But I had gotten to the point where I didn't think I really had anything of value to provide to people anymore. And I kind of thought my life was over. Like that's it. That's all she wrote. And that's a shame because I was 53 years old and I thought I was done. I imagined that I would be a wonderful grandmother who got to hold and snuggle her grandchildren. And other than that, there would be nothing that came from me.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Yeah, there's, I think there's so many of us who feel that way. And and they, and there's gifts. As we age, there's some pretty darn good gifts that we have that we can offer. We sometimes we just need to know how to package them, put them together. But but it's amazing that you, you know, you had that light that said, wait a minute, my life's not over.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Well, it's interesting. I had a friend, it's actually my son's friend, was walking on the Appalachian Trail at the same time I was leaving this bad marriage. And I started reading his blogs like a drowning woman. I don't know what it was about it, but I was reading that

Saying Yes To A Wild Tandem Ride

SPEAKER_01 7:15

and I kept thinking, I want to do something like that. I want to do something big and bold because maybe I'm not done. Maybe I can prove to the world, well, the world wasn't doubting me. It was me doubting me, but I didn't know that. And I felt like I needed to like somehow do something to prove something. Well, Bruce, Bruce kind of waltzed into my life. He became my husband. I was never, ever, ever getting married again. I was done with that. I was not doing that anymore. He tells people that he chased me until I caught him. So I think I think that what that means is he just kept being there until I finally kind of got used to the fact that he was around and that he really was who he said he was, because I didn't trust myself in in picking and I didn't trust him because he would say, Well, this is who I am, and it's like, yeah, I've heard that before. Like, I don't, you your words mean nothing to me. Um, so while we were, I can't even call it dating because I wouldn't call it dating. I I I'm not dating you because dating leads to things, and we're not doing, you know, like we can be buddies. That's about the extent that we're going to get here. But he said, I've always wanted to ride across the United States on a bicycle. And I thought, well, now that would be an adventure, especially for someone like me at the time. I was 70 pounds heavier than I am right now. I I hadn't been on a bicycle in 40 years. I'm not athletic in any way, and still to this day, I'm not an athletic woman. I mean, that is not where my strengths lie. And I thought, if I could do that, maybe then I would be able to prove that I still had something of value to add. So I asked him, Are you going to talk about it forever or are you going to do it? And he said, No, I want to do it. And I had no intention of marrying him, but I thought, yeah, we can do this together.

unknown 9:06

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

And so I said, Count me in. Now, as it turns out, he wore me down. We did get married, and we were married when we went on the trip. But at the time that I said yes, yeah, I was never, I was never getting married again. And so then we started training. And you'd have to remember, I haven't been on a bicycle in 40 years. This is not Terry doing Terry. This was way outside of my comfort zone. I didn't even even own the right shoes. I didn't own the right clothes. I didn't, I couldn't. My our first 10-mile bicycle ride nearly did me in. Like it was, it was hard. It was very difficult, but I wanted it. I wanted it badly. And so we ended up going. And it was at the end of that ride that I really did. I said, you know what? Hi, Terry, me, non-athletic me, just rode across the United States on a bicycle. If I can do that, I can literally do anything I put my mind to. So what is it I want?

SPEAKER_02 10:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:05

Because it isn't a matter of can I do it, but what? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Well, let me ask you, let's go back to the bike for a bit because I do just want to find out a little bit more. So was it physically, mentally, emotionally? Like how was it, was it enlightening? Was it difficult? What was that experience like for you? Everything about that trip was hard for me.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

Physically,

What The Road Taught Her

SPEAKER_01 10:34

it was grueling. There were days that I thought, I can I can't move my legs around in a circle anymore, and we still have four miles to go. You know, like I can't, I can't sit on this seat one moment longer. The number of times that I cried, if it it would just be hard for you to understand how many times I cried. But each time I cried, I would then get back on the bicycle and say, okay, let's go. Like, like there's only one way to get past this, and that's to keep moving. Like you, we can't stop here. So it was very physically hard, but it was also very emotionally challenging for me. First of all, I'm doing very things that are very difficult for me, and I don't believe in myself. So there was a lot of, I don't think I can because I didn't think I could. And so getting kind of getting past that mindset, I also have a really, really tough time with a world that doesn't go as I have planned it. So I like, I like lists and I like plans and I like to know how my day's gonna go. And riding a bicycle across the United States during 2020, so during COVID, nothing goes as planned.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

No.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Well, what did what was what did the road teach you about yourself? I think it took it really did teach me that I had more in me than I believed I did. Like, like I'm capable, I'm very capable that when there's a problem, I can figure out how to solve it. When things are tough, I don't have to collapse in a heap and not move forward. But it's and and I think the other thing I learned about me that has been very valuable is I am an emotional person. I have big emotions. I I laugh really hard and I cry really hard, like wide breadth. And sometimes I just need a good cry. And it doesn't make me a weak person. It just means that I have a ton of emotion. I need to get that out and out of the way so that I can then use the logical part of my brain to say, now what do we do? Yes. And so I think I spent most of my life thinking I was too much, too emotional, too, too, too, too, too. And I came to realize, no, I'm not too emotional. I'm just emotional. Yes, yeah, and it's okay. That is who I am. And some people are not this emotional, but that's okay too. Yeah. And I think that that was one of the one of the lessons about me personally.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

That and that I really didn't have to be someone else, that everything that I need is down inside of me. It's just a matter of uncovering it. It's been covered up by a bunch of junk, and I just need to find it again.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Well, what did it feel like when you finished? You know, I can't it's so hard to explain. I I was laughing and crying. So my husband says, Do you see that flag up there? I said, Yes. He said, That's where we're stopping. And I started to laugh and cry at the same time. I was, I couldn't even, and I couldn't fathom that we had done it. Because really, when you ride, we rode for a little over three months, and you ride not every day, but most every day. And it's the day that you're focused on. So on Tuesday, you ride Tuesday. On Wednesday, you're not thinking about Tuesday anymore, and you're not thinking about Thursday. You're riding Wednesday. At the end of Wednesday, you put Wednesday away, and now you're riding Thursday. At the end of all of that, you've ridden across the United States. And it was hard for me in my mind to put them all together. Yeah. So that it made sense. Like I knew I had done it. I had all of the memories, I have all of the pictures, I had all of my blog posts, but in my mind, it was like, but we just rode those days. And somehow all of those days added up to riding across the United States.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Like it was a very weird, very weird feeling. But I can see because it was you chopped it down into bite-sized or bike size pieces. Yes. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Well, what so and so at the end, trying to figure out how to put them all back together was just like a crazy sensation. It was like, wow, we really did it. Yeah. We we really made it all the way across. And then the then at the very end, so now we're done. And you wake up the next day and you don't know what to do with yourself. Because for all of these days, you've known exactly what you were going to do. You're going to get up, you're going to pack everything up, you're going to get on the bike, you're going to ride until you can't, you're going to unpack everything, you're going to go to bed, you're going to get up. And then all of a sudden it's like, okay, we're done with that.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Oh, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 15:22

You know, now what?

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Yes. Well, why do you think the that an adventure can be a really powerful way for people to heal?

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Because you get outside of that comfort zone. You know, I think we all put ourselves into a box in which we believe that we need to function. And the only way we know how to function, and the only way we can function. And we don't stretch, we don't, we don't give ourselves the chance to explore. And when you go on an adventure, if it's truly an adventure, you are stretching yourself. You're way outside of your comfort zone. You're doing things you never thought possible. You're doing things other people say to you, Oh, I could never do that. And when you're doing that and then successful, I think that it does kind of help you realize those things I was told about not being good enough, about not being strong enough, about not being capable, that doesn't really square with what's happening here.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Yeah. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

I just rode 3,102 miles. How does someone who's incapable, who's not strong, who who can't problem solve, who will never do anything in her life, how does that square with this?

SPEAKER_00 16:37

Yeah. So what would you say to you know, any woman, because most of my audience is women, what would you say to women that are listening right now and they're like, well, there's stuff I want to do, but I'm too scared or I'm too old or or I'm I'm not enough to do it.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Right. I think the first thing is to get rid of those twos. You're not too old, you're not too scared, you're not too dumb, you're not too fat, you're not too whatever it is. You're not. Okay, first of all, that. And then I think the second thing is is look at what you want. Do you really want it? Because if you don't really want it, anything can stop you. Right. If I didn't really want to make it across the United States, I can give you 150 places where I could have stopped and would have stopped, but I wanted it. So just make sure that whatever it is that you're kind of looking toward, it's it's something you want. It's not something someone else told you you should want.

SPEAKER_02 17:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

But that it's something you really want. And if the answer to that is yes, this is really what I want, then my advice is find one thing you can do today to work toward that. And maybe it'll take you a year, maybe it'll take you seven years. Yes. But but one thing that you can do today, and then tomorrow, do that again.

unknown 18:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

And maybe it's nothing more than looking up one quote that you're going to paste on your bathroom mirror, and that's what's going to get you started. Like whatever that thing is, start it. And in your mind, start telling yourself, I am working towards insert goals. Yes. Yeah. That's what I am doing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

So I want to ask you now about becoming an author. So so did you so why writing? Did you know that you wanted to write? Like what was it? Well, what was the first thing you wrote? Sorry, I answered like five questions. No, I know.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

Like I

Becoming An Author Through Action

SPEAKER_01 18:43

think for me, I have always loved books. And I, as a little girl, said I wanted to be an author, but I don't think I really knew what that meant. I, you know, I also wanted to be an Olympic ice skater, and I'm the clutsiest person you've ever met. So I don't think I really knew, but I've always loved books. And when I started writing for small businesses, there was something very, I don't know, kind of magical about getting the words on the page and and having the person that I wrote them for, you know, send me an email that says, oh, this is exactly what we needed or exactly what we were looking for. And I don't know. I wanted to do fiction. I just I really wanted to try my hand at a book, you know, like because I love to read. I read, I read 80 books a year easily. And so it's like I wanted to do that. So I think that was part of it. And prior to going on the ride, I had written some manuscripts. They're they weren't very good, but I had been trying my hand. I just wasn't willing to let anyone know because I didn't believe in myself.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

And so if anyone had said to me, Are you an author? the answer would have been, oh, no, not at all. Like, no, I'm I'm dabbling. Right. I would have never interesting.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

I would have never admitted to actually having any manuscripts or or any desire to be more because I didn't think I could ever be or would ever be. And why put that out into the world so that then people can point at you later and say, Well, I thought you said you wanted to be an author. Seems like you never made that either. You know, I just didn't need that in my life. No. And so I didn't tell anyone.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

I shouldn't say anyone. I have a daughter that knew Bruce that I was dating and became my husband. He knew, but I was not announcing it. I wasn't putting it out on my social media and telling people what I was doing because I didn't feel like that's who I was.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

But you but you did what I you did it. Yes. So after the ride, though, when I said, okay, so it's not a matter of can I do something? It's a matter of what do I want to do? I said, what do you want to do, Terry? And it was so clear. It was like, I want to be an author. And so the the answer in my head was kind of like, well, then do it. Then do it. So I took a manuscript that I had written, okay, that wasn't very good. I mean, it was, it was okay. It was probably the best one I had to date, but it still was and I started doing what no person should do, which was submitting it long before it was ready to be submitted. And luckily, I submitted it to someone who saw something in it, got me a good editor, and 14 months later, I have my first book out.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

So wow. I think that part was a little bit of luck, but not really. It was luck I made myself because I put myself out there. Well, you have, yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. You put it no one would have found me accidentally. I was definitely putting myself out there. But I think that I was very blessed. Let's use that word, in that someone looked and said, I think with some editing, with some guidance. That this manuscript can be something. And that first book. Beautiful. Yeah, that first book was called Sunflowers Beneath the Snow. It is about three generations of Ukrainian women. And it came out one month before the current Ukrainian crisis. And yeah. And because of that, it gave me it gave it some legs. Like it's fiction, but it's historical fiction. And it has a lot of history that helped people kind of understand what's happening now because you can see what happened earlier. And it it won awards. And you know, I'm not it didn't make me famous, nothing like that. But it it gave me, I don't know, the ability. The I I got rid of the fear. And I said, Well, I can do if I did it once, I can do it twice. Exactly. And so I wrote the next one. And then I wrote the next one. And then I wrote the next, you know, and so that's kind of where it is right now is I just I write. I finish up one and I start the next one.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

Well, what has writing taught you about healing? Yeah, I think for me, I've I watched how what my characters do. I think a lot of things that I wish about myself, like I wish I had done that earlier. I wish I had never done that. I wish that you can play that in your characters.

SPEAKER_02 23:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

And it gives me a chance to kind of, I don't know, role-play out possibilities, see things to an end, you know, like like if I had done this, where might it have gone? You know, and I think writing can it just helps me look at the world in a way that it isn't me. I can stand back now and kind of look at it. And I think that's the way people read sometimes too. You know, you read a book, you get to experience life in a way that you wouldn't otherwise. You get to to see what it might be like if, yeah, you know, yeah. And all of those things I think are just very valuable in healing, in figuring out who you are, what do you believe? Yes, you know, because sometimes you don't know anymore, you know, especially if you've lived in an emotionally abusive relationship for 14 years, you're not sure what you believe because you you didn't have your own thoughts. You had to keep those to yourself, you know. And so now you have to figure that all out again. And for me, I think writing did that. It allowed me to like experiment with well, what would it be like if I were this way? And what would it be like if I were this way? And what would it have been like if I had been younger and decided that I could travel? You know, like I I often give my characters less fear than than I lived with, yeah, you know, like someone who's braver than me. And like, what would that have looked like? You know?

SPEAKER_02 24:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

Well, what advice would you give to someone who wants to write, but they're sitting there thinking, well, I'm not a writer. Who am I to do something like this?

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Yeah. The first thing is very similar to what I said about, you know, like starting a new goal. And that's you've got to, you've got to start. You have to start writing. You'll never become a writer by reading about it. You'll never become a writer by thinking about it. You'll never become a writer, even taking a course in it. You only become a writer by actually writing. And the first thing that you write is going to stink, and it's okay. Like it's fine because how are you supposed to get better at it before you've written something so you know where the baseline is? And so, you know, plan on writing and then writing again and writing some more. And then the second thing I say is once you have something that you feel is passable, I don't mean perfect, but you say to yourself, it's not bad. Okay. Now find yourself a good writing partner who is both kind and honest. So someone who can say to you, I really like this about your writing. This is a little weak. And I kind of like this here. I'm not sure what this is. You know, someone who will give you honest critique, but isn't someone who just says, eh, that's crap, because that isn't helpful, right?

SPEAKER_00 26:17

That is not that is not helpful. Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

And so you you want someone, you want someone who can be honest and kind, yes, and then take what they said and go write some more.

unknown 26:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

So you said in the beginning, how many books have you published so far? I have four novels, a memoir, and a children's book. So how do you decide what story needs to be told next? It's whatever is the one in my head that's the loudest. Oh. So I have a lot of ideas and I write them all down. You know, I have a whole list of ideas. But usually as I'm finishing up one book, and before I can really get it complete, there is another story sitting there that's yelling. It's screaming, I'm next, I'm next, I'm next. And it's like, okay, I hear you. Hush, and let me finish this one. I can't write two at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

And when I'm done with that story, usually that next one is like, oh good, is it my turn? And it's it's the next one out. So it's usually the loud one.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

Yeah, yeah. Wow, that's that's I love that. I love it. So if somebody's in a has been or is in a toxic abusive relationship, how do they begin to rebuild who they are?

SPEAKER_01 27:36

You know, I think

Rebuilding Identity Plus Freedom And Fear

SPEAKER_01 27:38

the first thing is if you're still in the relationship, remember that there's light on the other side of this, that this is a bad thing happening, but it doesn't have to define you forever. You know, it may be kind of defining you at the moment, but it isn't, it doesn't have a forever quality if you don't want it to. I think the other thing is to remember that you are enough. You do have everything you need. You don't have to be someone else. You don't have to, you are enough. But it's a matter of can you find it again? And if you can't, there are people around who can help. There are counselors, there are pastors, there are friends, there's family, there are books, there are, there are ways of discovering those pieces of you that are missing and be willing to kind of open yourself up to these other avenues to kind of start learning. Before I got out of the bad relationship, I actually had sought a counselor for myself. And I thought it was I was going because I was angry all the time. I felt angry all the time, and I felt I had an anger problem. Well, I did have an anger problem, but I was angry for like justifiable reasons. I needed to be out of this really bad relationship, but I'm not ready to do that yet. And I'm not ready for anyone to tell me that because if she had told me get out of this relationship, I would have gotten rid of her as a counselor. But she started helping me work on the other aspects of me. And she said, you know, when people come in and they're not in a great relationship or they have or having problems in areas, they can still lead happy, productive lives because there's more to you than one area. There's family, there's friends, there's work, there's there's spirituality, there's, you know, and she lists this whole thing. And she said, How do you feel like you're doing in all of these other areas? And it's like, well, not really great because I'm putting all of my energy here and it's not helping. And she said, Well, what if we start putting some energy into these other spaces? Right. So I started fixing some of these other spaces within me, not to the point that I was, you know, healed, but when it came time to get out of the relationship, I had started to have a friend network again. I had started some of my family relationships beyond my children, I was starting to reach out and build again. Do you know what I'm saying? I was, I was reaching out beyond myself so that when I left, I now had this, it was a very basic little piece of of groundwork, but it was there. And I had something to build on and move on. So I mean, that would be the other thing is is, you know, look at other aspects of your life. What can you work on, even if you're in a bad relationship?

SPEAKER_02 30:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:32

Well, what does freedom mean to you now? Oh, I think, yeah, freedom for me is is knowing that I can do what I feel is best for me, and I don't have to be afraid of the consequences of that.

unknown 30:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

And I think freedom for me is also knowing that I can do what I feel is best for me and be wrong and change my mind. And I don't have anyone pointing a finger at me and telling me, you know, you were wrong again. See, you're a failure. Because it's it's okay to think that you know what you need, figure out you don't need it, and change course. There is nothing wrong with that. And so freedom, right? Freedom for me is being able to do those things without the fear of someone else pushing it down my throat or or being angry that I'm exploring or trying or whatever. Well, how do you handle fear now when it shows up? I'm still working on that one. I, you know, it's it's amazing. It kind of is cyclical where you think, oh, I'm fine, I've got it all figured out. And then all of a sudden it shows back up in your life again, and you're like, well, where is this coming from?

SPEAKER_02 31:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

For me, the thing that I have found that works is if I can recognize it for what it is. This is fear. Fear is usually your body's way of trying to tell you something. What is my body trying to tell me? And sometimes it's, yeah, this is misplaced fear. This is old stuff bubbling up out of the swamp. And all I have to do is recognize it and say, that's fear that I don't need anymore.

SPEAKER_02 32:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

And then I seem to be okay. Sometimes it's okay, there is something here. What is it? So that I can start working on that.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

You know, what what is this thing? Why is my body responding this way to this kind of thing, whatever it is? And let's work on that. Yeah. Because I don't want to be stopped here. This isn't what I this isn't what I want, you know. So yeah, I think it's not, it's not, I don't feel like getting over anxiety and fear is necessarily a one and done kind of thing. You know, you think you've got it under control and then it pops its ugly head up somewhere else, and you're like, whoa, what are you doing over here? I thought I fixed you.

SPEAKER_00 32:54

So yeah. What is being a podcaster and a speaker opened up for you?

SPEAKER_01 33:01

Community. And for so many years in an emotionally abusive relationship, I cut myself

Community Through Podcasting And Service

SPEAKER_01 33:10

off from people, partially because I knew that this relationship wasn't good, but I didn't know how to get out of it. And I didn't want people to see it, I didn't want people to judge me. I didn't, I just, I don't know, I just kind of cut myself off. He also did a really good job of cutting me off as well, you know, from but you know, I became very isolated. And even when I started writing again, at first I was still very isolated. I didn't have a community of writers. I didn't have, I didn't have any of that. Well, since I have a podcast, it's called Online for Authors, I talk to other authors who are independent authors like myself. And I now have, I've had over 200 authors on my show. And I can reach out to them. And they reach out to me. They'll say, Hey, I've got a new book, I'd like you to do, or could you, or what? And I can now do that. And that community, oh, is is amazing because for years I didn't think I could make friends anymore. I really felt like I had, I don't know that there was something, you know, wrong with me personality-wise, that I just couldn't make friends. And that's it isn't true, right? And so having this community again, these people that I know I could reach out to, that has been positively amazing. I also love helping people. So having a platform where other authors like me, who are young in the author world, I'm not young, but I'm young in the author world, right? Yes, yeah, who are trying to figure out like how to get the word out about their book, for me to have a place for them, it it allows me to kind of fulfill that need to serve. And it feels really good. There's just something really wonderful about getting an email from someone who thanks you from the bottom of their heart for having you on their podcast. And you're thinking, you've helped me as much as I've helped you, but it's it feels really good. So I think that's for me, it's a community thing.

SPEAKER_00 35:14

Yeah. What is one small brave step someone could take today?

SPEAKER_01 35:22

Oh, you know, I think it's it's so dependent on on where they're stuck. But a brave, a brave step, I think the bravest step is looking at that thing that you want and making a decision that that's the thing that you want. Does that make sense? You know, like like what's the bravest thing you can do? The bravest thing you can do is admit it. That is what I want. I want to be an author. I want to, you know, start my own business, I want to whatever, fill in the blank. I want to get out of this relationship. I want to travel the world. I want to, you know, learn to flamingo dance. I mean, whatever that is, right? Whatever that is. Yeah. I mean, I and I think I think admitting it, admitting it is really brave. And if you want to be even braver, admit it to yourself and someone else.

SPEAKER_02 36:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

You know, let it out of your own head.

SPEAKER_02 36:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

No, thank you for that. I I love that. So, how can people find your books, your podcasts, your speaking work?

SPEAKER_01 36:32

The best thing is to go to my website. And so it's my name, Terry M Brown, T-E-R-I-M Brown.com. There you will find everything.

Where To Find Terry And Legacy

SPEAKER_01 36:41

All my books, my podcasts. You can sign up for a newsletter, you can everything. My social media icons are there. I even have just a contact me page if you just wanted to reach out with a question. And I do my very best to get back to everyone who reaches out to me.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

Oh, perfect. Well, we will have that information in the show notes so that people are able to reach out to you. So I just want to close with one last question. What legacy do you hope to leave through your writing and your story?

SPEAKER_01 37:15

I think that I want people to realize that life is only over when you say it's over. Like, like you don't life isn't over at 60, it's not over at 70, it's not over at 80, unless you want it to be. I mean, if you're ready to sit on the front porch and knit, and that's that's what life is for you, then good. But if you don't want to, you don't have to. That's that's what I hope. And I hope that my daughters really hear that. That whatever they're doing now doesn't have to define their whole life. If you want to be a homemaker now, but you want to be an entrepreneur later, go for it. If you if you want to like whatever it is, it doesn't have to be over because you hit a certain age. Right? Like, like 50 doesn't mean anything. Six, those are numbers. Yeah, these are just numbers. I hope that that the day that I die, that I have been running around with my hair on fire, still doing things right up until the last moment. Do you know what I'm saying? That's what that's what I want. You know, so so that's that's what I want. I like on my tombstone, I want something like, you know, she lived life to the fullest.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Yes, yes, absolutely. Well, Terry, I have enjoyed this conversation so much. And I I just we've touched on so many things, but but I think you really, you, you know, you've given a lot of inspiration. A lot of my audience is more mature women, and and and a lot of them are scared, you know. They they maybe don't want to step out, or maybe they're not in an abusive relationship, but the kids have moved out, or you know, they don't know what to do next. Right, exactly. Yeah. So I think you've you've you've helped to to get a few little things stirring for people in there. So I appreciate that. And I love that picture behind you of you.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

So the picture that that's the the cover of the book, 10 Little Rules for a Double Budded Adventure. And those are life lessons I learned while on this trip. Oh my goodness. Yeah. And so, like, seriously, you know, what can people do? Grab the book, seriously, because it's these are lessons that I learned about life, about living a little more adventurously, living a little more outside the box. You know, yes, it has a lot of cycling stories, but it isn't really about the cycling journey, it's about my journey back from this mess of a person to saying I can be an author. Yes, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

I got shivers. I love it, love it. Okay, everybody, we're gonna have all of the information to reach out to Terry in the show notes so you can you'll be able to find her and find her easily. Terry, thank you so much for being willing to do this. I I've appreciated you. I've loved this conversation. So yeah, just thank you so much for doing everything that you're doing to help authors. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 40:14

This has been wonderful. I've loved the conversation. So have I.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

Okay, everybody, take care. We'll see you on another episode. Bye bye.