The Cameo Show
The Cameo Show is a podcast about sharing our life experiences and learning from each other. Through solo stories and inspiring conversations with a wide variety of guests, we explore the secrets and strategies for feeling confident, empowered and equipped to live the life we want to lead. Tune in to learn how to find joy and fulfillment in your life and to gain valuable insights from the amazing stories and lessons of our guests.
The Cameo Show
How to Turn Stress & Frustration into Compassion: Tips for Tough Holiday Moments & Beyond
In this episode, we dive into how mindfulness and self-awareness can help you stay calm and compassionate, even during the most stressful moments—whether it’s the chaos of the holiday season or the tensions following a polarized election period.
We’ll share simple ways to shift from frustration to empathy in everyday situations—like being stuck behind a distracted driver—and how this mindset shift and analogy can translate into more difficult moments. We also talk about Metta meditation, or Loving-Kindness, a powerful practice that helps you build kindness and understanding, not just for others, but for yourself, too.
If you’re ready to handle stress & frustration with more grace and inner-peace, this episode is for you!
Tara Brach - Loving-Kindness (Metta)
Dan Harris with Sharon Salzberg - Intro with Meditation
Jon Kabat-Zinn - Loving-Kindness
More Cameo - Word up!
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Hello and welcome to the Cameo Show. I'm your host, cameo, and today we are joined by my husband and co-host, mr Greg Braun.
Speaker 2:And I am so happy to be here.
Speaker 1:Mr Greg Braun. Every time it just comes out it's so weird to me. I'm sorry if it's weird to you, because I'm honey.
Speaker 2:In real life I'm honey, but when we have to like address each other like in an email, yeah.
Speaker 1:Like in real life life you're babe yeah, or pumpkin as of late but so like when I'm sending like a work email or like something professional, I'm like cameo, you know and actually when he says cameo like if he calls me cameo, I feel like something's coming, like it's not normal in our day-to-day life for you to call me cameo, so it feels weird. But anyway, he's here. He's here with us frequently and he starts us off with a dad joke, so I know you brought one.
Speaker 2:I'm sure, yeah, what is the hardest type of tea to swallow?
Speaker 1:I don't know.
Speaker 2:Reality.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, it is. And speaking of tea, it is the holiday season approaching.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of tea that travels around the table at our family gatherings, especially this year, right, because we just had an election where it was a very polarized election.
Speaker 1:You either think one thing or you think the other, and so as the holidays approach, that are already usually pretty stressful, let's just be honest.
Speaker 1:You see your family, sometimes for the first and only time all year, and you're expected to play nicely together, and then you sit down at the table and you have, like some very different viewpoints. Things can get uncomfortable. So today I just want to kind of like talk about dealing with difficult people and what that means to us individually and how we encounter that in our day-to-day life, and don't even maybe even think twice about it because you're just busy doing, but how you can take a step back and really evaluate how you're showing up to those situations and how you're responding or reacting in a way to stop being so reactive and more articulate and intelligent in your responses. So I'll start with a story from this week that isn't holiday or election related, but I was on my way to the doctor this week and I got stuck behind someone at a red light who was obviously on their phone, because when the light turned green and everyone started going and I was a little behind. I'll just throw that out there.
Speaker 1:So I was like you were tardy I was like I wasn't tardy but I was pushing being tardy and I don't really like that. And just the day before we were tardy but I was pushing being tardy and I don't really like that, and just the day before we were tardy to something else. So I was like highly sensitive about being tardy. So, anyway, I'm behind this girl who I'm pretty sure she was on her phone. Everyone starts going on the green light and I gave her plenty of time like a courtesy, a very courteous amount of time.
Speaker 2:It was about three seconds there of like okay, are you going to go?
Speaker 1:Yes, we've all been caught there. I've been caught and busted sitting on my phone at a red light. Shouldn't be on my phone at all, but at a red light at least. Yeah, don't come at me, I don't do it a lot, but just in the event that there is a red light and I'm on my phone, I've been there. I the event that there is a red light and I'm on my phone.
Speaker 2:I've been there, I'm trying to be. You gaze at it and you're like well, what is that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I look at it to see if maybe someone needed me or you know something, either way, but you shouldn't do that.
Speaker 2:but you're human, Okay.
Speaker 1:That's right. So I give her a kind amount of time and realize, like she has no idea, that the light is green. So in another attempt to be courteous, I go to push the horn but like, give it a tap tap like a nice hey, look up, it's time to go. But our horn is a little touchy and I don't use it a lot, so I was not aware of this. So my tap tap turned into an urr and she was probably like okay, nasty lady behind me, my bad, but anyway, she went on her way.
Speaker 1:And I thought of that story as a way to articulate, like encountering difficult or challenging or annoying situations and how the only thing I can control in that situation is me. And I chose to try to be kind about the situation instead of annoyed and now I'm mad at you because I'm running late and I'm stressed out and you're not paying attention and instead of projecting that all into her, just kind of like we've all been there Tap tap it wasn't an intentional urn and allowing that situation to be what it was, without judgment and without anger and without reactivity. That's not even a difficult situation or a heated conversation. That's just like an everyday interaction with a stranger that you don't even put much weight into, but the reflection that I can only evaluate this situation based on how I responded. I give myself an A+ and I hope that in more difficult situations, like what we were talking about, with holidays and dinners and family members or anything that you encounter on a regular basis that, with enough practice and awareness, I'm able to approach those situations in that way as well.
Speaker 1:What I've also realized is that, aside from the situation being about me and my reaction or response being about me, particularly when it comes to difficult people, is that it often has to do with a version of me that doesn't actually exist anymore. It has to do with, maybe, a version of me who used to exist and feel hurt or triggered or irritated by something that's taking place. And I say that not only just because of what I've learned and what we talk about in therapy, with your therapy and my therapy, but also as I catch myself doing it, for example, to you or to our kids, let alone just any stranger out on the street. This awareness of the idea that maybe I just need to take a deep breath and understand why I even feel this way in the first place allows me to then decide how to respond, instead of just projecting it onto the person that's pissing me off.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you catch me sometimes and you stop me in situations where I maybe haven't caught myself yet, where I'm reacting or overreacting to something you kindly remind me kindly is a subjective word, sometimes it's hard to be kind about it, but that I'm acting from a space that has a lot of extra judgment or emotion tied to it when it doesn't need to be there.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:I was going to ask you can you think of a time that would be a good example of that? But based on your reaction, he must have a loaded arsenal.
Speaker 2:A time when what?
Speaker 1:When I've reacted to something by projecting my own emotions onto the situation recently not like my whole history of life, but recently, and I just needed a quick reminder Like my awareness was not on point and so I was acting from a space of defensiveness or anger or frustration or sadness that really had nothing to do with the actual situation or conversation or even the person I was engaging in. It literally was everything about something internal for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what's crazy about everything is. It's all about perspective the perspective of the person in the other car, or the perspective of your husband, or your experiences leading up to that moment in your life, or like. You're running late, so your perspective is going to be anybody that's slowing me down right now and makes me any more late is the absolute devil Right. You know, I notice it Like if I'm early somewhere I'm kind of like Sunday cruising.
Speaker 1:Let alone the person behind you who's like get out of the way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, letting people in and just kind of like hanging out in the right lane and you're like honey, the speed limits. See, you, don't call me Greg, no-transcript.
Speaker 1:And we're all guilty of that thorn in your side, you know, right, and we're all guilty of that. And from a perspective standpoint, that girl, like I said, she probably was like geez lady when I'm sitting back there like giving her all the time in the world thinking I'm being like so kind and courteous and respectful of the fact that she's also a human and it's okay.
Speaker 2:But she looks in the rear view mirror and sees Bowser on Mario Kart getting ready to run her over, you know.
Speaker 1:Yes, very true. I saw this lady speaking of driving just yesterday when we were on our way home from one of our many trips to and from the high school. There's this lane, it merges, it turns into a turn lane, or you have to merge into the straight lane and a lot of times people either know it and their plan is to merge to cut people off, or they are stuck in this lane and don't realize it's a turn lane. We've all been there too, and this lady was waiting for this car to go in front of her to merge into the straight lane, and I could see her through her back window waving oh this other car in front of her in a way that you could just sense her attitude and it was a situation where it didn't have to be that way.
Speaker 1:Maybe that car didn't see her waving in the first place or wasn't sure and didn't want to cause an accident. I just don't understand why people are so quick to throw attitude out without taking a second to try to be practical about it. It's hard, yeah, I thought you were going to say I know the practical about it.
Speaker 2:It's hard yeah.
Speaker 1:I thought you were going to say I know the answer.
Speaker 2:No, it's not.
Speaker 1:It's because we're emotional creatures, and that's true, you know we all know that by now.
Speaker 2:You know. But it's crazy because that same person you could see them in the grocery store and it's like the nicest little old lady that says can you help me with this? And you hand her a bag for her plums and you'd be so happy to you know, and I'd walk away and be like, oh, she's so cute, you know. But that same lady, if I'm late somewhere and she's in her little whatever, I don't know what car, just doing her old lady stuff, you know, but she's in the way.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Or she doesn't go right when the light turns green.
Speaker 1:Then she's not so cute anymore.
Speaker 2:And within that car lies a woman with devil horns. That's like her whole existence is to be in my way.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:It's weird how that, even if you try to make yourself aware of the situation and be a kind person, to try not to see the world that way, but when you're driving it's like a whole different animal. You're like you're in my way.
Speaker 1:The road is mine, yeah, and I think most people feel that way, so you have to be careful out there. One of the things that's helped me for years, and I know you too, and sometimes I say it with a little bit of aggression. We'll call it microaggression, your new favorite way to classify some of my behavior microaggressive.
Speaker 2:I mean literally. Have I said that at all in the last week? Have I said that word at all?
Speaker 1:No, but it is microaggressive of me to bring it up, since you did say it once.
Speaker 2:You're like it's my new favorite. I haven't even said it.
Speaker 1:But you said it a couple times and it was 100% directed at me, so I've internalized that as something that I need to be microaggressive about. Okay, anyway.
Speaker 2:Let's hear it.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I say microaggressive about okay, anyway, let's hear it sometimes.
Speaker 2:I say this with a bit of microaggression because the moment is heated then it becomes macroaggression.
Speaker 1:Yeah, at some point it does, but sometimes I say it in a real, genuine way and I mean it, my intention behind it is always true yeah. And it's taken practice and awareness, but it's this concept of trying to see what the other person might be experiencing in that moment.
Speaker 1:So, the girl sitting at the car or sitting at the red light on her phone. That wasn't. That's not really what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is perhaps the person who's flying up on your ass and ready to pass you at any opportunity that they can, or waiting in the left lane, mad that you're not getting over so you can get out of their way. Just perhaps the possibility that they are in a hurry for something that is urgent, and an emergency not just because they're a jerk and unaware, which is probably more likely the case, but the possibility that they have something that is legit from my standpoint as a human, like a humanity, like humanely legit reason to maybe be in a hurry or to be being a little bit more reckless or to be a little bit more obtuse, based on their experiences or what they're going through that's causing them to behave in that way. And so I hear you say it from time to time I know that I say it when I do drive somewhere this idea that I hope you get to wherever you're going safely or have a great day, and putting positive energy toward this person who maybe is behaving in a way that you wouldn't typically be prone to giving them positive energy.
Speaker 1:Again, it goes back to controlling your own reactivity or response. I, in that situation, am the only one who can control how I feel that person is going to do. What they're doing, no matter if it's me, if it's our daughter faith, if it's the little old lady that you got her plums in the grocery store, they are going to do whatever they're doing, in their car or in the bank or wherever they are, regardless of who you are. And so, instead of internalizing that or carrying that baggage around, or carrying the responsibility of handling their behavior and putting it on myself, this notion that, like, I'm going to be a little bit more compassionate and empathetic, even if you don't deserve it, because that's the right thing for me to do, that's how that sets me free from that situation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a lot's a lot to that, but I mean, the biggest lesson that I heard from that was if it's going to rain, let it rain. I can't control what happens outside of the things that I can control.
Speaker 2:That's correct Period. Full sentence. I can only control what I can control, and a lot of the frustration, a lot of the angst, a lot of the stress is coming from things that are outside of all of our control, especially during heated political times, during family gatherings, driving. You can control that by being early, sure or not.
Speaker 1:I mean, if someone's riding up on your ass, it has nothing to do with whether you're early or not, but it does have to do with how you perceive. So back to perception, back to awareness, back to ownership of your own emotional reactivity or response to the stimuli.
Speaker 2:And that takes practice, yeah, and awareness, yes, and just knowing that you're going to be dealing with crazy drivers guys, that's just part of being an adult with a driver's license out on the roads and it seems like, especially in Florida.
Speaker 1:God, especially in Florida, especially during snowbird season in Florida. Sorry snowbirds, sorry Florida, but it's true. It isn't just judgment, it's a fact.
Speaker 2:I just I don't know. It's just a hodgepodge of a lot of different driving styles Midwesterners and New Yorkers and California.
Speaker 1:It's a shit show and it's just yeah. It's a lot.
Speaker 2:Someone said one time, just knowing that when you're out on the road, everything's dangerous. Yeah, there's danger everywhere and you can't let your guard down.
Speaker 1:You have to be aware at all times, not just like a normal life, but like especially when you're driving, like, but there's a lot of distractions with the radio and people in the car and in the phone and, quite honestly, you can translate that to the dinner table at a holiday gathering, because there's a lot of distractions, there's a lot of personalities, there's a lot of food being passed around and phones and different conversations and crazy uncles just like crazy drivers right, there's so much coming at you in those situations. This is a lesson that is applicable to all of those situations. Driving is just a really great analogy.
Speaker 1:The root of all of my stress and frustration usually always comes back to the fact that I have an expectation of someone or some situation that does not pan out the way that I wanted it to or thought it would, and I'm disappointed.
Speaker 1:And I say all of that with a really strong conviction and an emphasis on I, because it reiterates the idea that it all comes back to me, it all comes back to my perception. It all comes back to my perception, it all comes back to my judgment, it all comes back to my reaction or response, all of the things that we've been talking about this entire time. It is the only thing that I can control and the expectation of how others are going to behave, be it on the road or at the dinner table, or in a political conversation or at a school event or wherever you are. The expectation is setting you up for absolute disappointment, because people will behave how they behave, no matter what you think they should be doing or no matter what you think is the right thing or no matter what you expect they should be aware of or should know. Period.
Speaker 2:If you want to find a deeper, meaningful empowering system to live by, that's gotta be. One of the golden rules is you can only control what you can control and everything else is going to be. It can be complete madness, but it's all about how you're going to hold your frame. In that moment You're going to be tested with a lot of things.
Speaker 1:Every single day and that's how we started this conversation is that sometimes they're inconsequential. There's small difficult situations that you don't even really think twice about. But if you give yourself the space to really analyze what your part in that situation was, it's very clear, there's a lot of clarity and it's very freeing. And if you're open to learning from those situations, the next time you can show up better. You only see what's right in front of you and you only know what you know, and so you react or respond from that space. It's only when you give it focus and intention and you have the desire to make that change, to take those small moments to evaluate your part in it, that you can make meaningful change in how you interact with the world around you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So on your journey, have you discovered any tools or methods to strengthen this ability? Because it's not natural for people to be compassionate to others. We're all very self-centered and worried about ourselves and our own needs and our own seeing life through our own perspective. We all understand that at a very basic level. That's where we're operating from. So, how do you develop a strength and ability to see things from a different vantage point, a more compassionate vantage point?
Speaker 1:That's a great question, and I don't get it right all the time. I'm always a work in progress. Everyone is, as we talked about earlier, where sometimes you'll chime in and remind me of where I'm operating from, if I'm reacting or projecting onto our kids. But one of the things that's helped me tremendously goes back to that notion of saying have a great day or I hope you arrive wherever you're going safely to the aggressive driver, and that is a meditation principle. It's a meditation concept called Metta and it's the ability to offer compassion. It's a practice, it's like working out a muscle. It's the ability to offer compassion, starting with yourself and expanding out to the people you know, people close to you, people then that are acquaintances, zooming out then further to people that maybe you don't know and aren't acquainted with, but you see, maybe the bus crossing guard, somebody you see every day but you don't really interact with, engage with, neutral, and then it ends with someone who's very difficult in your life.
Speaker 1:And you do that by starting with yourself and saying these four things May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I be safe and may I live with ease. And you repeat that when you go out to your spouse or your kids or someone close to you May they be happy, may they be healthy, may they be safe and may they live with ease. And by the time you expand all the way out to that difficult person, you are stretching yourself in a way that maybe you didn't even realize you were capable of.
Speaker 2:Stretching your compassion muscle.
Speaker 1:That's right by offering someone who has wronged you or someone who gets under your skin and this is varying degrees and varying situations for people by offering them happiness, health, safety and living with ease and do you know who? That does something for. I have chills all over my body, it makes me emotional. Who is that for?
Speaker 2:Who are you doing that for?
Speaker 1:That does something for me first, and then do you know what it does? Expands and extends out to everyone indirectly, unknowingly. So that practice of saying that and thinking that in your own head, whatever way you meditate, whatever way you sit and think or write, whatever that looks like for you Not everyone wants to meditate, but maybe while you're running or maybe while you're eating your breakfast you do this. Or while you're laying in bed, before you fall asleep, you do this type of practice. It becomes a part of who you are and how you think. Even when it's hard, even when you're faced with friction and you're in a combative situation, you've practiced and you operate from that system. You start changing your operating system. So that has helped me tremendously.
Speaker 1:That and the idea that I again can't control what other people do or who they are or how they operate, and that they would be doing that whether I'm around or not, is very freeing.
Speaker 1:For me, control is an elusive thing because I say control only what I can control. Well, I can't really control anything, but I do have a large influence on what I think and how I perceive the world and what actions I take from that perception and from that intentionality. And if I wake up every day with that idea that I'm going to just do better than I did yesterday, that I'm going to continue to practice these things and I am not going to get them right and I am going to lose my shit and I am going to project and I am going to be microaggressive, all of these things, and then give myself some compassion in that practice every day, it gets a little bit better. It gets a little bit better. So that's been something that's helped me tremendously and I don't want to speak for you, but I know that that's something that you have also implemented into your life. That's helped you. I've heard you say it out loud. Like I said in the car, like I hope you get to wherever you're going safely.
Speaker 2:I would say we've been meditating not all the time, but we've got into it. For the past decade We've been doing it and I can honestly say the meta meditation practice has been the most impactful of all of them and it blew me away. The first time we ever experienced it it was at a yoga studio in Sarasota and there was a teacher there from Seattle.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, and we she did the whole meta meditation and the way she did it, just how you explained, you start with yourself and go outwardly and you end with that difficult person and I remember feeling so stretched because we just live in our own little freaking headspace. We're operating from me, me, me, me, I, I, I, I, you know, I mean not that we're bad for doing it, it's just how we survive, you know. But you have to really stretch that compassion and the awareness that, my God, there's other people, there's other needs out there, you know, and maybe that person that wronged me or that was difficult to deal with is just running late for work and they're not trying to be an asshole.
Speaker 1:It broadens your understanding that even the people who wrong you and I mean like wrong you, not just cut you off in traffic, but like really deeply, when you can stretch yourself to that point to envision that person who has hurt you deeply- Wishing them happiness.
Speaker 1:You become aware that they also are a human who has experienced difficult situations and hurt and wrongdoing themselves. It doesn't mean that you give them a call immediately and be like I want to be best friends all of a sudden. It's not even about that. It's just about allowing your human capacity and your compassion to expand and radiate. And I don't mean to sound all like lollipops here, but that's how you make change in the world. Because then, when you're not road raging back at the person who cut you off in traffic because you have practiced working out your compassion muscle and understanding, you let it roll off. Yeah, and it's not this big to do. And then that translates into bigger situations. Yep, just like anything else, when you get good at practicing something in a small, seemingly inconsequential way, when you encounter something that's bigger than that, you are more apt to know how to handle it. It's become part of who you are.
Speaker 2:Meditation is amazing because it just basically takes you out of the red zone and brings down your levels to like more of a smooth doubt you know, but the meta meditation has definitely been the most impactful for that you know, for having that compassion for other people and we should definitely put a link for a couple of good meta meditations.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:It's an experience when I ever want to do that it's you know, tara Brock. You know, just put it on 20, 30 minute meditation. You come out of that and you feel different.
Speaker 1:That's right. If you get hung up on the idea that it's meditating because I know people do I mean I did initially.
Speaker 1:I had this idea of what meditation was, and then I was like opposed to doing it and not open. But when I opened myself up to just trying it as something, that's a tool. You don't have to sit and pose. You can be in the sauna and turn on a guided meditation, you can be on a walk. Whatever the case may be, it's a really easy way to introduce it into your world. And I was thinking the same thing, like I'll link in the show notes a few different people Tara Brock, sharon Salzberg, jon Kabat-Zinn, even Dan Harris who do these great meta practices or other types of guided meditations that really help you with your own self-awareness and with cooling your own water down from the red zone and, if I may offer this advice, just try it, be open and do it now, because, as you encounter these holiday gatherings and crazy uncles at the dinner table with political rhetoric and crazy drivers in Florida because it's snowbird season, it's going to help you immediately.
Speaker 1:It really is. I feel very strongly about that. If you wait or you aren't open to the idea because it feels weird, you're going to continue operating out of the same space. So try something new, give it a whirl, see how it works. So we wish you luck, good luck, you're on your own from this point forward, and we thank you for being here. Every Wednesday for the Cameo Show, there are new episodes that drop. We talk about the human experience and the essence of what it means to be a human, our human emotions, our experiences, so that we don't feel alone. And you can find more at CameoEliseBroncom, where there's a link to the podcast, or the YouTube channel, if you prefer to watch videos, where you can catch all of the backlog of episodes as well. We hope to see you again.
