Stop Letting External Validation Control You

If you’ve ever felt like you’re only as good as your latest success, your job title, or how others perceive you, this episode is for you. We’re breaking down the difference between ego and self-worth—why one is fragile and fleeting while the other is unshakable. I’ll share a powerful Buddhist metaphor that will change how you see your ego, plus introduce my Check Ego Light—a simple tool to catch yourself when your ego is running the show. 

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or constantly seeking validation, this conversation will help you break free and build a deeper, more lasting sense of self-worth. 

Chapters

• 0:58 Welcome and Episode Introduction
• 2:08 Understanding Ego vs. Self-Worth
• 2:51 Buddhist Perspective and Metaphors
• 5:43 The Check Ego Light Tool
• 7:46 Key Takeaways and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:29

Hello and welcome to the Cameo Show. I'm your host, cameo. If you are someone who struggles with feeling like you're never enough, you're not successful enough, you're not loved enough, you're not worthy enough, then today's episode is for you. We're talking about ego and self-worth, two things that often get tangled, but they're actually very different. So I'm going to break down the difference. Share a metaphor that will change how you see your ego, pull in some wisdom from Buddhist teachings to help you reframe your perspective and introduce you to a tool that I use, something that I call the check ego light to catch myself when my ego is running the show. So let's start with a quick distinction. Ego is the story you tell yourself about who you are. It's the story you tell yourself about who you are. It's the voice in your head that says I matter because I'm successful or I'm lovable because people approve of me, but it's fragile because it depends on external things money, status, relationships, achievements, all of those things that are outside of ourselves to feel secure. Self-worth is different. It's deeper. It's the intrinsic knowing, the steady, knowing that you have value, even when the job title, the applause, the Instagram likes and followers disappear. It's not based on anything external. It just is.

Speaker 1: 2:01

Here's the tricky thing about ego. Ego isn't something that we consciously choose. It's ingrained in us from an early age. Think about it. As kids, we are taught to measure our worth by grades, by trophies, by gold stars, by praise and feedback. Isn't a bad thing, none of that is bad. It just wires us to seek validation outside of ourselves instead of developing a real internal sense of self-worth real internal sense of self-worth. So think about your childhood, your grades, maybe your lack thereof. Grades, the awards for sports or music, the recognition that you received as a child and how that formed in your early years, how you saw yourself.

Speaker 1: 2:52

In Buddhism, ego is described as an illusion, something that we believe is real, but when we examine it closely, it completely dissolves. One of my favorite metaphors is to imagine that the ego is like a cloud in the sky. It's constantly shape-shifting and appearing and disappearing. And if you think about your ego like that shape-shifting and appearing and disappearing, and if you think about your ego like that shape-shifting and coming and going, you never can truly know who you are. Another way to see it is like a mask. Imagine you're at a masquerade ball and the mask represents everything you think, defines you, your job, your achievements, your appearance, your relationships. Your job, your achievements, your appearance, your relationships. It's decorated to impress, maybe, maybe and this gets deep really fast maybe even to protect you. But over time you forget it's a mask and you start believing that it is you.

Speaker 1: 3:48

And then life happens. You graduate high school where you got all of your awards. You have a job loss, you break up with somebody who you think completed you. You have a moment of failure and the mask cracks and instead of realizing that you were never the mask to begin with, you panic and then you scramble to fix it and make it shinier and prove that you're still somebody.

Speaker 1: 4:13

And it's a never-ending wheel and it gets really, really messy and confusing because a lot of times, those things that we feel like define us or define our worth, are things that we care about, they're things that we love, they're things that we enjoy. The chase of it's only dangerous when we allow it to dictate how we feel about ourselves inside. The ego wants you to believe that you are separate from others, from change, from the deeper flow of life. It tells you that your worth is something that you must earn. Let me say that again. Your ego tells you that your worth is something that you must earn. But self-worth isn't about clinging to an identity or to a label of what you are and what you do and what others expect of you. It's about recognizing that underneath all of that, you are already whole. You are just you.

Speaker 1: 5:14

Now I've had to learn to catch my own ego in the act. Over and over and over again, it just keeps sneaking up on me. It's not fair, but I do this with something that I call in my upcoming book the reset button, the check ego light. It's like a silent alarm that I've trained myself to recognize, and a true tell for me is when I start to feel defensive, when I crave validation from something outside of me, or when I move really quickly to anger and don't stop and ask hey, what's really going on here? What's really important? Where is this drive coming from? What am I seeking? Am I making this decision from self-worth, from what really makes me feel fulfilled, or is it my ego trying to protect me from something fragile? Is it my ego trying to feel better about itself because I think I need someone else to tell me what I am? More often than not, it's my ego stepping in to shield an old wound or pump me up, but when I see it for what it is, I can choose differently. So here is the takeaway the difference between ego and self-worth.

Speaker 1: 6:21

We dug into ego quite a bit. Self-worth is pretty self-explanatory. They just get tangled. Next time you feel like your worth is slipping, I want you to ask yourself am I losing something real? Do I feel threatened by something internal, something real, something about me that I know to be true? Or is it just the mask I've been wearing? Is it just the story that I've been telling myself about me and what makes me valued as a person and worthy of love?

Speaker 1: 6:55

And you have to be really, really honest with yourself. And when you feel that inner alarm going off, that check ego light, it's time to check in and see what you're really, what's really going on deep inside. And it's not easy to do. And if you feel this way and it's a struggle you are not alone. Have some self-compassion, because it's a practice, and just constantly remind yourself, as hokey as it sounds, I'm enough. Just me. These things that I do are not me, they're just things that I do, and without them I am still enough.

Speaker 1: 7:29

Thanks for hanging out with me today. We have new episodes every Wednesday. If this hit home, share it with a friend, share it with your spouse, share it with your teen. You really do not ever know who's struggling with this. Confidence and self-worth are also not the same, but that's for another time. I hope this helps you recognize that you are enough and gives you a starting off point to start differentiating between when your ego is leading or when your self-worth is lacking. We're all along this path. The best thing we can do is support each other, share ideas, check in on our people and check in with ourselves until next time.