The Cameo Show
The Cameo Show is a podcast about sharing our life experiences and learning from each other. Through solo stories and inspiring conversations with a wide variety of guests, we explore the secrets and strategies for feeling confident, empowered and equipped to live the life we want to lead. Tune in to learn how to find joy and fulfillment in your life and to gain valuable insights from the amazing stories and lessons of our guests.
The Cameo Show
Why We Self-Sabotage and WTF To Do About It
Have you ever accomplished something remarkable, only to immediately rob yourself of joy by focusing on all the ways it could have been better? That crushing cycle of achievement followed by self-criticism is what Greg and I unpack in this raw and vulnerable conversation.
Together we explore:
- Why we get in our own way right after achieving goals
- The mountain climbing analogy: celebrating each plateau instead of dismissing it because it isn’t the summit
- How perfectionism fuels a never-ending cycle of dissatisfaction
- The power of reframing self-sabotage as protection rather than defeat
- Practical tools that actually work:
• Naming your inner critic to create distance from negative thoughts
• Practicing thought replacement (you can only think one thought at a time)
• Cultivating gratitude—even if it’s simply for the breath in your lungs - The importance of giving yourself space to recenter after self-criticism
- A reminder: self-sabotage isn’t proof you’re broken—it’s proof you’re human
This conversation isn’t just philosophy—it’s therapy in real time, with tangible ways to reclaim the joy that comes from acknowledging how far you’ve come.
If this resonates, share the episode with someone stuck in their own head. Sometimes the most healing thing is knowing you’re not alone.
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Hello and welcome to the Cameo Show. I'm your host, cameo, and we are joined today by my husband and co-host, greg Braun. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:So glad to be here.
Speaker 1:You like to start us with a chuckle? You got a dad joke lined up for us.
Speaker 2:I do, I do. I heard about a great deal on a broken guitar. It comes with no strings attached.
Speaker 1:It comes with no strings attached. Great, great job. That reminds me of a story. One time we were at a yogurt place, a frozen yogurt place. Do you remember this and the flavor of?
Speaker 2:the yogurt was NSA blueberry or something.
Speaker 1:And the person that we were with said, oh look, no strings attached blueberry. And I was like I think they mean no sugar added. But he was like no, it's no strings attached. And I'm like mind blown, it was, it's a top 10 moment.
Speaker 2:It was a moment for me, it was really funny.
Speaker 1:So now, every time we see NSA meaning no sugar added at like an ice cream shop or on a menu, I always say no strings attached. So thank you you know who you are for your no strings attached moment. Today we're diving into self-sabotage, and I would bet that everyone can relate to the idea of getting in their own way, stopping themselves from enjoying a moment of success or something to celebrate by being in their own head and taking away this joyous moment from themselves by saying, oh, but I could have done this, or if I would have only done that, or it would have been better if this. I'm experiencing that in real time and it's just.
Speaker 1:God damn it, it's not any fun. I have all the tools to not do it. I know I'm doing it.
Speaker 2:And I still do it.
Speaker 1:And I still do it and I just wish I wouldn't do it anymore. How do we break the cycle? So let's talk about it. Have you ever stayed up late when you know you have to get up early in the morning? Have you ever put off something and procrastinated because you were afraid of it? That's all like normal self-doubt stuff.
Speaker 1:Self-sabotage is what comes after you get up and you do the damn thing and then you're like, oh, bummed. There are so many times and what I'm experiencing right now that if you told me five years ago I would be doing it, I'd be like shut up, that's amazing. That's incredible, holy shit, well done, congratulations. Fast forward to like the in real time moment X, moment happens, and instead of being like, oh my God, holy shit, congratulations, that's amazing, I'm like, oh, that wasn't what I wanted it to be. And you're like would you shut up? And I'm like well, but self-sabotage keeps me humble and self-sabotage makes me press myself to do better, and I could argue that I could say that that's true, but it also seals everything you work toward and every bit of excitement and momentum that you have to cling to from a moment that you've been really excited about or waiting for for a long time.
Speaker 2:I think that's the thing that a lot of people have trouble with is they don't know how to celebrate the wins. We're so focused on growth, we're so focused on success and grinding Did I say success? So focused on making shit happen, that when something does happen in your favor, you kind of don't know how to accept it into your life. I feel like it's important to be able to learn how to accept the wins as they come, because they are the jet fuel that you need to keep going. When times get tough, like for me, I feel like it'd be easy to just always stay in the negative space and in the grinding space and just never lift your head up and like realize the growth that's happening. But you kind of have to have some perspective on it and, like you said, it's great to zoom out and look at it from the past and the future. You said it's great to zoom out and look at it from the past and the future.
Speaker 2:When you're in the moment, it's sometimes hard to realize what greatness is happening. But if you go back 10 years ago and be like this is what happened today, you would be like, oh my God, this is incredible, unbelievable. I don't even believe you, but in the moment, moment, you're like, oh, I wish I would have done this right, this wasn't exactly the way I wanted it to be. And it's like, and it just robs you from all the magic of the moment of like hitting an actual goal and reaching a new summit. You know, be like climbing a mountain, and every time you get well, we're not up there, you know. And it's like come on, you got to celebrate each, each plateau, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's such a great analogy because you wouldn't probably do that, as you're hiking a mountain like, well, we got here, but we're not up there. And that's exactly what I'm doing to myself.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And what people often do when you accomplish something or when you do something that you're, like, so excited to do. I said directly after this moment happened, like I think I set myself up with such high expectations of myself and so much excitement that I wanted to nail it, knock it out of the park, that it wouldn't have mattered, even if, by my standards, that I did, because I would have found something to like pick apart and like take away from what happened, because I set myself up for disappointment by having such high expectations, which is it goes back to like I already know this. I already know like don't have such high expectations of yourself or of others because you just set yourself up for disappointment. Yet here I am, once again, unable to celebrate, unable to be happy for myself, and not in like a woe is me, but like more in a like God damn it. I wanted to do better.
Speaker 1:I try to spin it to make it a positive, like okay, well, that's just awareness, because awareness of anything is how you get better, but what's happening is that I just keep knocking it into the negative space.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like you've got this head coach that lives in your head, this little bobby knight that's throwing chairs around. That's like, no matter how good you play, no matter what happens, there's always something to work on it and I get it.
Speaker 2:I mean, I mean, I get it. That's. That's the mindset to have, that's a winner's mindset. But you're going to drive yourself crazy and not experience the little joys along the way and really it's all about the journey, it's not about the destination. It's all about who you're becoming along the way. So if you look at it more of a supportive person, in your head that's like great job, unbelievable, let's keep going. I'm not talking about toxic positivity, but sometimes you just got to be a little bit more nice to yourself.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, you know, yeah, and I, I talk about this in my book. I tell myself this all the time, I talk about it on my story. I tell you this tell the kids this, which is why I'm so pissed off at myself for being so upset about something that's actually really awesome. Yeah, is that like? I would never tell you that. I would never be like well, but you know, you could have done so much better. Right, right I would be like that was so amazing and if there were things that you could do better.
Speaker 1:They wouldn't come out as like and I'm so disappointed that you didn't do it better it would come out as like constructive criticism, maybe like at a later time, when we're having a constructive conversation, not the immediate aftermath of the moment, and then the whole thing is just ruined. It's just ruined.
Speaker 2:It's kind of like the exact opposite of being completely full of yourself and thinking that you're just God, you know, and you're just like unbelievable and you're perfect and everything's just you know. It's the opposite of that it's everything I do is not good enough and it's that programming that's just pounded into us, and it's like it takes effort and work to find some sort of like happy medium, because you need both. You need both voices, but look at them as tools, though, and don't abuse one or the other. Like you, you gotta have both, because you got to stay realistic about your stuff. But so many people are stuck in the negative space and they don't even try or they don't even feel like they're worthy of trying or doing the thing, or trying to think is you know just the way they talk to themselves.
Speaker 1:We had this conversation with a friend who did something really exemplar I mean just an absolute amazing thing to have as an accomplishment in your life and he vocalized that like he was not as happy with it as maybe he might have been, because he knew about some other things that were supposed to be a part of it and that were happening, and it was like I didn't know about any of that. I didn't know anything was missing. You do this all the time when you record music. You'll like bring this full mix, all the paint on the canvas, and then you delete things and it's like I didn't know that that was even there in the first place. So, like the artist, the person behind what's happening, the person behind the product, the success, is the only one who really knows, back to that self expectation, what you thought it was supposed to be or what it sounded like in your head. And you, like I I'm not going to say you, like everybody does this, but what I find myself doing is playing, repeat that thing that I thought went wrong or that thing that I think is missing or that would have made it better, and just completely negating all of the other stuff, which is what actually everybody sees and everybody loves and what helps everyone or entertains everyone or whatever the case may be, instead of like being able to feel that, so I do it.
Speaker 1:I do it when it's not accomplishment related to and I don't know. I'm sure you do too as a dad, but I was going to say, like as a mom, I also write about this in my book. I should be so much better at these things, because I write about all of them in my book and yet here I still sit spinning my wheels. Sometimes, instead of going over the list of all the amazing things that happen, I find myself dwelling on that one time I snapped, or that one time I wasn't listening and I got busted because I was looking at my phone and I should have been paying better attention and I've gotten better at it, but I sabotage myself as a mom by dwelling on the negative. It's like what is that? Is it like survival or what? Why do we do it?
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I mean, that's that's what keeps you alive is is is that negative mindset, and I think that's why it's so important to have people in your life that are lifting you up and reminding you that, just because you think, all these crazy negative thoughts and you know that are there to like say, hey, no, you did a great job. Way to go, I'm proud of you.
Speaker 2:You know, that's why it's important, because you got to have that, or else you're just going to go down the spiral and your thoughts will become this weed garden of negativity that will trap you and you start to feel like you can't do anything right. And actually from the outside I mean, I experience this all the time you feel like no one cares. You feel like this and it's like someone will reach out and you're just like, wow, this is connecting or whatever the thing is. But that's why it's so important to have people around you that are the right energy that pull you out of that, or else you just stay there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and thank you for doing that in the immediate aftermath of my pouting about the situation that we're that I'm referencing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm not sharing details, but two things on that.
Speaker 1:So, first, everything you just said is, when you make it all about you yeah, and you actually said that to me directly after our non-detail shared situation you were like, well, you're making it all about you, it wasn't about you. Okay, thank you for the correction, because you're absolutely right. So that is selfish of me and that's what happens in a moment of self-sabotage. We're being selfish because we're making it all about us. And the second thing is you said it's we need to get better. I need to get better. We all can get better at being that for ourselves.
Speaker 1:And we talk about naming our inner critic, right? Whether Sharon Salzberg, she is big in the meditation space she calls her inner voice, her mean inner voice, lucy. We've talked about this a few times. I have one. She has lots of names. She's mean Depends on what version of her is popping in. But we need to like speak to her in a calm, like be our. We need to have the other side of that is what I'm trying to say. Like I have this nasty one. Well, I need to have one in my head that also like is detached from myself, and name her something nice, like Georgia or you know, something sweet and where she chimes in. And is that for me to pull me out of that? Like we need to do a better job of finding that within ourselves and naming, naming the inner critic and then also naming the part of us that needs to come in and pull ourselves out of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that that make sense. Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like something that I learned a long time ago that I've always kind of clung to is you can only think one thought at a time. Literally, you can only think one thing at a time. So if I ever catch myself thinking of something negative, force myself to make it a positive and I know that sounds crazy and silly and why would I want to do that but it strengthens the positivity muscle to where, like when you do find yourself spiraling, you have the strength to stop it and not continue on.
Speaker 1:I agree, I, I, I. That totally makes sense to me and it's absolutely valuable to have as a tool. But, like, even right now, I'm still angsty about it and I'm like, well, that that doesn't work. I'm not doing that, that's stupid, but I know it works, but it's just like in the moment, it's almost like you have to allow yourself to just go do something else directly after something, so that you're not like too high or too low, you're just neutral, you're, you move on and you do something that's distracting, so that when you come back to reevaluating, or when you come back to evaluating what just happened, you come to it with a from a clear space, rather than like an emotional state, because that's what I maybe is often happening, like when I'm overly critical of myself as a mom like I'm doing it from a reactive emotional state. If I would just come back to it later, like tomorrow even, and be like, oh, nobody even cares, like that wasn't even a big deal. It was a huge deal in the moment, but it wasn't even a big deal.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I also think, in addition to like naming our voices in our head, if we could reposition, like even the word self-sabotage, like the perspective of that, so kind of what you're saying about, like you're thinking something negative remind yourself you can only think one thought at a time and make it positive, but also like reframe self-sabotage and be like okay, that's my ego trying to protect me, so I'm not self-sabotaging, I'm protecting myself, I'm I'm evaluating my situation and then like that gives it a different spin and a different power, cause then it feels less like it feels less negative and less mean and more like pragmatic, almost.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, all of these things sound so great.
Speaker 2:And then I'm sitting over here still pissed Like well that's why we're talking about it, because you know people listening will be able to reflect on their own week and be like what have I? You know, what have I selfishly been mad about? That really, at the end of the day, doesn't matter. And if you keep zooming out, it matters way less than like it matters to you a lot when you're like zoned in on it about that thing, but like if you have that end result and it's, you know, again two years ago or five years ago, you'd be like I would have never dreamed I'd have this moment. And you're having that moment but still have something to say about it. Negative, but yeah, it's. It's still not perfect, you know.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, perfectionism at its finest, that's what it is.
Speaker 2:I mean, you're just a perfectionist. You are, and that's a great trait, that's a great skill and it's helped you a lot in your life. But it needs to be kept in check or you won't have any enjoyment in your life. You'll just always be seeking perfection. And guess what? There's no such thing. You can sing the perfect vocal take and it's amazing and you're like but I was sharp or flat, or but it's like, do do the people listening hear that? Or do they just feel the absolute emotion in your voice? And and that's all that really matters. But if you make it about you, then then yeah, you didn't do the perfect performance, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I do it, I mean it's, it's, it's part of the part of doing, doing life, you know.
Speaker 1:It's really back to that, what you just said and what I said earlier about like making it all about you, making it all about the emotion in the moment and I actually just talked about this in a different way but like if you stop thinking about you and your emotions in that moment and you reconnect to like zooming out or your why, or the end result, or the goal that you want for yourself and the evidence that you have that it doesn't have to be perfect, If you just start, you'll achieve it and then allow yourself to enjoy it. It's a completely different vantage point. Like it gives you the power back in saying I get to choose, I'm choosing differently. I'm not choosing differently yet, I'm still stuck in, damn it. But if I give myself some space and take a few deep breaths and maybe I need to meditate for a few minutes or something, Lift weights.
Speaker 1:Go lift weights. But if I give myself some space to recenter and remind myself of how it's connected to the bigger picture, the why, the who I was five years ago, would be jumping up and down screaming right now, excited yeah instead of the me. Now that's like well. I should have done a better job. It's. It's different and I will take that power back. I'm just not there yet, so in real time, this is just like a therapy session. Thank you for being here.
Speaker 2:Another thing you can do that's helpful to keep things in perspective is at night, when you're going to bed, when you're laying there trying to fall asleep. Instead of beating yourself up about the things you didn't do and what you should have said and what you could have done and all this stuff, start practicing doing this. Start laying there, going to sleep, winding down and going through all the things that you're grateful for. It's too powerful. You start going through the list. Once you get to like 20, you're starting to fall asleep and you're just like overwhelmed, like oh yeah, I don't have anything to complain about.
Speaker 1:That's a great suggestion and thank you for the reminder of that.
Speaker 1:I thought you were going to say something about, like how I referenced in the book just flip it and find all the positive, go through the list of things you did right, but I'm so glad that you honed in on gratitude, and here's why you can always find something to be grateful for. You might not always, in that moment, be able to find something that you did right, you just might not allow yourself to, but you can always find something to be grateful for. Even if it's just the simple fact that you're breathing, even if it's just the simple fact that you have somewhere to sleep period, you can always find something to be grateful for. So I'm glad that you brought that up and I'm glad that that's the way you brought it up, because that's probably the biggest shift. Honestly, like that, if there's anything to take from this episode, it is 100% that. Thank you for that Also.
Speaker 1:One last thing self-sabotage isn't that you're broken. It's that you're human and that you feel things and that you are allowed to like, want to push yourself to be better, do better, grow. It's just also give yourself the grace that you are human and keep your keep that in check, because unchecked is unhealthy and unfair to you as a human. You have emotions fine. It's just when you get blindsided by them and you then start leaning into them. That ain't no good. So I referenced a few times that I bring up these tools in my book and clearly I'm displaying that as a human, I still have to work through my own tools. So, if you're interested in understanding the path and the tools that I lay out, my book is called the Reset Button and it is available on Amazon and it's just evidence that you can hit the reset button at any time. Because here's the deal I wrote the damn book and I'm sitting here telling myself the same things I had to tell myself a decade ago, that I've learned, that have helped, that have helped me, that have been helpful from other people, and it's because we're freaking human and we're evolving and it's just a cycle of like, constantly reevaluating where you are. So the reset button you can reinvent yourself at any time.
Speaker 1:The last thing I want you to do is think of a moment when you have just completely drowned yourself in self-sabotage, been completely unfair to yourself, and ask yourself what's one small action I can take to spin that, whether it's gratitude, a positive spin, go lift weights, whatever it is, to give yourself a break, to actually come to it from a neutral position. You deserve that and it's the only way with awareness that it's ever going to get any better in some of these instances along the way. You don't have to stop self-sabotaging overnight. You just have to do it one small choice at a time and it does get better, awareness being the first step, and then honesty is the truth Honesty, okay guys.
Speaker 1:Thanks for the therapy session. I hope in some way this did help you, because I know we all face it. We all deal with it on a regular basis. If it did resonate with you, share it with a friend, because it's helpful to know sometimes that, like you're not the only one that lives in your head. Other people do too, and here are some quick tools that might help you get outside of your own head in the first place.
Speaker 1:We have new episodes every Wednesday. Thank you so much for being here and joining us on the Cameo Show. Greg, thanks for being my person to help me in moments when I can't see things clearly. I appreciate you.
Speaker 2:And you as well. I appreciate you.
Speaker 1:And we appreciate you.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Until next time.
