Redefining Community: Why Meaningful Connections Can Trump Massive Networks

Have you ever felt like an outsider because you don't have a massive social circle or aren't constantly surrounded by people? You're not alone. This raw, unfiltered conversation tackles the uncomfortable truth about community in our social media-driven world.

We're challenging the notion that bigger is always better when it comes to our connections. Community doesn't need to look like packed events or extensive networks to be meaningful. Sometimes, it's found in the quiet moments of deep connection with just one person. As Greg vulnerably shares, "I've always felt like something's wrong with me, that I don't have a big community," many of us have silently wrestled with the same doubts.

Through personal stories and thoughtful reflection, we explore how life stages naturally affect our communities, and why that's perfectly okay. Greg's experience building intimate musical collaborations reveals how powerful one-on-one connections can be, creating ripple effects that extend far beyond what's visible on the surface. These small connections often hold more meaning than the larger, more visible communities we're taught to pursue.

Social media has redefined community in both beautiful and harmful ways. While it connects us with like-minded individuals we might never have encountered otherwise, it also creates unrealistic expectations when we compare our own communities to what we see online. We discuss how to navigate this tension and find authentic connection on your own terms.

As Cameo shares her journey of releasing her book and feeling pressured to build community "the right way," she reveals the freedom found in authenticity: "I don't have to play that part anymore. I want to just be me." This sentiment echoes throughout our conversation—community isn't about following a formula but creating connections that matter to you.

Listen now to discover why "it doesn't have to be loud to be powerful" and how to build meaningful community your way. Share your thoughts with us about what community means to you and how you've found connection in unexpected places.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:30

Hello and welcome to the Cameo Show. I'm your host, cameo, and we are joined by my husband and co-host, hi Greg.

Speaker 2 0:38

Hi, I'm the co-host. Hi, Greg.

Speaker 1 0:43

It's just never going to feel right, to say my husband and co-host, mr Greg Braun. It just always feels weird. So today I switched it up a little bit, a little more low key.

Speaker 2 0:52

You can just talk to me like you do at home, you know, when the camera's not on. Hey, hey, dummy.

Speaker 1 0:59

I don't call you dummy, I know, you know sometimes.

Speaker 2 1:03

No, honestly, just don't call me late for dinner.

Speaker 1 1:08

Was that your dad? Joke, no oh.

Speaker 2 1:09

God Okay.

Speaker 1 1:09

We're just getting warmed up. Terrible, no, oh.

Speaker 2 1:11

God, okay, because that was terrible. We're just getting warmed up. Terrible, terrible.

Speaker 1 1:15

Sorry, but can you please give us a dad joke.

Speaker 2 1:18

Yeah, listen, I always like to kick things off with a really awkward laugh with y'all. I wanted to start a professional hide-and-seek team, but the problem is, good players are hard to find, and that reminds me of a time that we played hide and seek one time and I kept hiding in the same spot.

Speaker 1 1:40

You remember that time I don't?

Speaker 2 1:43

The kids were little, was it?

Speaker 1 1:44

here or the other house.

Speaker 2 1:46

I think it was at the other house, your dad was there too.

Speaker 1 1:54

God, I can just hear him giggling, it just doesn't even matter. I can just hear him giggling, just doesn't even matter. I can just hear him cackling two of my dad.

Speaker 1 2:00

I, you know they say you like marry your dad or you marry your mom, or whatever. I always thought, oh, that's weird. I married my dad, like I. Literally the two of you are the same person in so many ways. It's's weird, and one of the ways that probably the most amazing way is that you both just you, just giggle. I, you guys, will sit at the kitchen counter when you're together, I don't even know what was said, and you'll just be giggling and it's like you just giggle at each other, giggling. You do that with our friend, you do that with John too, and it's like I don't even know what's happening in this.

Speaker 2 2:33

Yeah.

Speaker 1 2:34

Like your own language.

Speaker 2 2:36

It's the language of laughter.

Speaker 1 2:40

Very good, did you just make that up?

Speaker 2 2:42

I did.

Speaker 1 2:43

Wow, you should like trademark, that shit.

Speaker 2 2:46

Okay.

Redefining Community as Meaningful Connection

Speaker 1 2:46

All right, it's kind of in line with what we're talking about today the power of community.

Speaker 2 2:51

Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 2:56

But I want to talk about it and redefine what it means, because I feel like when we think of community, we have this idea in our head that it's a hundred people at an event or you know. The running community comes to mind, like you know, when you go to races, and it's a great community to be a part of. I mean, I haven't been a part of it in a really long time, but you know, you get this vibe the music community, whatever, like it doesn't matter, but just a massive network of people. But I think what we were just talking about recently and what's really starting to sink in and and hit me, is that community can also look like a quiet moment of connection.

Speaker 1 3:34

And it's not really about scale, it's about meaningfulness. It must just be. I'm getting older. Everything to me at this point in my life seems to keep coming back to meaningfulness. How meaningful is that to me? Not how much can I do or how many friends can I have, but like what means the most?

Speaker 2 3:59

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 4:01

Is it age? Is it awareness? What is it? I don't know, it doesn't matter, I'm happy about it.

Speaker 2 4:06

Yeah.

Speaker 1 4:06

Because it really becomes clearer than what doesn't belong.

Speaker 2 4:10

I mean, it's part of the process of evaluating your life from a very, you know, new perspective of is this in alignment with the direction I want to go, and is this what I want for myself? Because I know for me, like I look at the last five years and I'm like, wait a minute, that was five years ago and it feels like yesterday. And I'm sure, wait a minute, that was five years ago and it feels like yesterday. And I'm sure you know, if you're listening out there, you can, you can relate to that. Like time is just blowing by, it's, it's, it's unbelievable how fast. And if you talk to an older person that's getting up there in years there, that's what they would say. Like it just goes so fast, you don't even realize.

Speaker 1 4:59

So I think, looking at life through that perspective, you don't have time then for you know things that just you don't see a future with, so you're just like it's all killer, no filler, all killer, no filler, and I'm sorry you know you're just like, but you just cannot.

Speaker 2 5:06

You just cannot have any other way. If you want to like, yeah, live with intention, yeah.

Speaker 1 5:12

I feel bad saying that sometimes because I don't want it to be received incorrectly by someone who maybe I'm not as close with that I used to be, you know, and that's just again, awareness and me making sure that I'm I'm not trying to be an asshole or be hurtful, be very mindful of other people's emotions, but a lot of times that's like situational and it's not really about the person necessarily, it's just kind of what has happened. But then there are moments when it's like this is not something that I want to pursue, this energy does not match.

Speaker 1 5:43

We are off. So you know, I'm I'm also very aware of that, I'm very mindful of that when I say all killer, no filler, and joke about it, specifically when we talk about people, because I care about people and it's. You know, relationships aren't. They're fluid, they're not always going to be the same throughout life and different phases and stages of life, and that doesn't mean that someone doesn't mean something to you or that they're filler. It just means that maybe it's a little off in this moment with regard to time and energy and resources.

The All Killer, No Filler Approach

Speaker 2 6:18

Yes, and it's okay. It's okay. That's part of growing as a person, becoming more and more authentically who you are. I'll give you a great example. Well, let me first say this are. I'll give you a great example. Well, here, let me first say this even if someone was part of the journey and they're not any longer, and they're not part of the day to day or the month to month or the year to year, but you know, if you saw him with the grocery store, what's up, but that's okay.

Speaker 1 6:45

That was my what's up. That wasn't like. That wasn't like peace out, see you later. That was like what's up, but since I didn't say it, it might have looked like bye.

Speaker 2 6:54

But the reality is and I'll tie this to mentors I have had some amazing mentors in my life. Some of them didn't even know they were mentors to me. They were just doing them as bosses, people that have showed me how to do something. You should outgrow your mentors. If someone's still your mentor after 10 years, you're not growing. You know what I mean. Like that's just a generalized way to say it. Of course, if they're growing and you're growing, but the natural progression is you're going to like I know for me, like I've learned some things from people and then you maybe go to a different company, or they go to a different company or they.

Speaker 2 7:39

You know, life, life keeps going, but that is okay and it's. There's nothing to feel bad about there. And it's like during that phase of life when you were here, this worked for this, but that doesn't mean it has to work for this. And, like you mentioned friendships and maybe they're on a different path and a different journey and that's okay. But you know, we still root for them, we still care about them, it's just.

Speaker 1 8:01

It's just we're on a different mind, we're like almost empty nesters and we have friends who have, like kids starting kindergarten. We clearly have different time, commitments and a space in our lives to do different things. And then we have friends who also are in the same spot we're in and we can spend more time together than we have in the past when our kids were little, because we have more time and space and capacity. Like it's a it's not necessarily a negative thing and I'm glad we're talking about that because I feel like, regarding mentors or like we talk a lot about, when we quit drinking, you change your people, places and things.

Speaker 1 8:34

Mentors, or like we talk a lot about, when we quit drinking, you change your people, places and things. That's not meant to be hurtful, it's just meant to say, like changes all around you. It's happening at all times and a lot of times as you're growing and evolving, like you said and I'm, I feel like should is a dirty word, I don't like the shoulds, but you should kind of have different people in your life If you're changing, if you're growing and evolving. This idea of community that I want to talk about kind of redefining, has been established by social media, and I mean that in two ways, two very polar opposite ways. Fucking awesome, because the positive side of that is that you have the ability to connect with people that you wouldn't have otherwise in ways that you would have never. So the power of community through social media is vast and you can learn so many things and you can find your people and you find shared interest and information and it's awesome.

Speaker 2 9:31

Yeah, you can get deep. You can find people that are really into the things that you're really into, whereas before you you would have never found that person.

Speaker 1 9:40

Yeah, Especially if you're in a small community like not community like we're talking about, but like like niche, literally, that you love. Well, but I mean, like if you live in an area that's kind of small, like we, grew up in small towns and like rural what you see is what you get if you're not exposed to other things, and social media opens that up in a really beautiful and powerful way.

Speaker 2 10:01

Yeah.

Speaker 1 10:02

But here's the polar opposite. It also has become this thing where we see, like, well, if I'm not a part of that, or if I'm not a part of this, or if I don't as a thought leader or a podcast host, or if I don't do it that way, then I'm not doing it right and I'm not a part of anything, and I just want to say bullshit. It's not true. And the reason we're having this conversation in the first place and why I think it's so important to bring to the table, is because we just had this conversation offline in the car on the way home from school drop-off the other day. This idea that, like you, greg, in particular and I'm just going to like call you out here and give the real life example Feel free.

Speaker 2 10:41

Feel free.

Speaker 1 10:42

You're doing this amazing thing that doesn't look like anything on social media. No offense, it's not. Look at me and all my buddies and we're playing music together. It's not you're playing out live in a band, or you're in a band, for that matter, which I mean you are, you're in a band with me and technically kind of like others too, but but that's what I'm getting at. You wouldn't know that if you were just judging you and your community through social media, and me too, for that matter. But we're talking about you, so would you stop making it about you?

Speaker 2 11:12

Yeah. Why do you keep doing that? No?

Speaker 1 11:14

sorry. Well, it's just a maybe it's a. The example is that it's so relatable I can't help it, do you?

Speaker 1 11:21

know what I mean, Like I hope that this is what translates to whoever's listening to this is that you don't have to look like you're doing any of these big community events or even involved in anything like at school, for example, to feel like you're a part of community.

Speaker 1 11:36

So let me get back. I'll land the plane here. I promise there is a point. You are building this beautiful, intimate community of musicians people from your past, new people and it's quiet and what's happening is you're reaching out to these guys as you create songs and as you recreate songs and saying, hey, would you like to play bass on this song?

Speaker 1 12:05

Or hey, I've got this guitar solo that you would shred, and you're helping to not only bring them some spark and energy and bring them to life in that way that might be lying dormant in their life, because these are musicians who have gotten older and life takes over, and now I got a job and a family and all the things that keep me from playing music in the first place, like I used to, but you're also then bringing everyone together and so then that starts forming these new bonds, like you've introduced so-and-so to so-and-so, who now they go to the studio and record something together, or so-and-so to so-and-so from your past, present, future, whatever, and no one would know it, and it's still, if not more than still, like a very powerful display of community. Yeah, and so redefining that in that way can be community.

Speaker 2 12:57

Yeah.

Speaker 1 12:57

And so redefining that in that way can be helpful.

Speaker 2 13:01

Yeah.

Speaker 1 13:02

Especially when you feel like I'm not doing it right.

Speaker 2 13:04

Yeah, yeah, comparison is the thief of joy, as they say.

Speaker 1 13:09

Wait, who said that? I don't know, somebody said it.

Speaker 2 13:14

I just said it. I think I just said it.

Speaker 1 13:16

We'll go with that, Okay go.

Speaker 2 13:18

No, but yeah, I can't take credit for that because that's not my thing.

Speaker 1 13:22

I know it just bothers me that I don't know who it is, because I do know who it is. It's like on the tip of my tongue Anyway.

Speaker 2 13:28

Anyhoots. Up until really recently, I've always felt like something's wrong with me, that I don't have a big community. Like what? Why don't I have a big community?

Speaker 1 13:43

like why aren't people knocking down my door to hang out with me?

Speaker 2 13:47

again inviting me left and right, this is so so very vulnerable for me to to just kind of do say this, but but it's truth. Like, why don't I have, you know, a community like that and a lot of it is. You have to lead the way. And so, like I have noticed that, instead of sitting back and waiting for people to reach out to me to do whatever, or if I don't hear from people that they're just my negative mindset trails to, they're not, you know, supporting me or you know whatever. And what I'm finding out is, as I reach out to people, I'm like hey, do you want to collaborate on this song? Or you want to do, you know, do with this? The answer has been a. Is it resounding? No, resounding, it's been a resounding hell. Yes.

Speaker 2 14:41

One of my boys said I needed this. This is like I've been kind of gone rudderless, like this is going to give me something to focus on or be fun, and it's like, well, wait a minute. That's my purpose here. I'm bringing this out in people and I naturally, in that way, like I always love to encourage people to be the best versions of themselves and like shoot your shot and go for it. I mean, I'm just a natural cheerleader kind of energy. You're a connector. I love it, you are so great at connecting people.

Speaker 1 15:10

I love it Outside of you even. Like you know this person needs a job and I know so-and-so and like you love to do that. You're just so naturally great at doing that and you're also naturally great at this type of thing, the collaboration and connection that we're talking about, but in a way that you maybe haven't like acknowledged or accepted.

Speaker 2 15:33

Well, I think because, again, comparison being the thief of joy, I feel like if I don't have events and big glamorous glitz and showy stuff going on, that it doesn't matter. And what I'm finding out is like one-on-one connection with a song, or creating something like that is powerful with a song, or creating something like that is powerful, and it also bleeds over to, like you know, my friend circle. I'm not like I don't have a bunch of friends. I know a lot of people but I'm close with very few of them, like really close, you know, and it's like there's nothing wrong with me. That's, that's good. Like you know, it's okay. It's okay, it's just how I choose to to be, you know, and it's feels natural to be that way.

Speaker 1 16:23

And that's different than maybe how you felt earlier. And again we go back to age. You know it's just meaningfulness trumps quantity, quality trumps quantity, like as we've gotten older it feels that way, and again, not in a mean or a negative way, but just like Greg, many years ago you, you did feel like you needed to have a large circle of friends that that was somehow validating, to like your identity.

Speaker 2 16:53

Whether we're talking about being, you know, business owners in the community. I've got to be known. I've got people who have to know who I am to want to work with me. Or back in the day, when I did play music live and I was promoting shows and like come to the sea, it was a popularity contest. I'm 47 now and it's like I there's still something inside me pushes me a bit, and it's social media. I see it in my feed. I see all these people with a me pushes me a bit and it's social media. I see it in my feed. I see all these people with a bunch of people around them and it's like I don't have to do it that way to feel good and impactful and make a difference. Maybe my my zone is much, much smaller and concentrated and my targets just very small, you know.

Quality Over Quantity in Friendships

Speaker 1 17:37

Yeah, I can say that I can relate. So thank you for being very vulnerable. Like you said about saying all of this, I can relate in a kind of a different way, like I am a lone wolf. I've always been a lone wolf and I used to feel like something was wrong with me in my younger years because I didn't have I knew a lot of people. I still do know a lot of people and I have a lot of friends. I'm friends with everybody. I would be friends with everybody on the planet for the most part, unless you're a real asshole.

Speaker 1 18:07

Yeah, and there are some, so we can just cross them off the list. But I have very few close friends my entire life, and the ones that were close 20 years ago are still the women that I would call right now if I needed to, if I needed something, and I know they would be there and I barely talked to them at this point. Again back to that life stage thing. But for a really long time I felt like there was something wrong with me for not valuing having more close friends and completely dismissing the fact that the close friends that I do have are really all that I need.

Speaker 2 18:38

Yeah.

Speaker 1 18:38

And you know I I think that social media only magnifies that for us.

Speaker 2 18:44

Yeah.

Speaker 1 18:45

And so that back to that, like it's really beautiful but also shitty, you know, just makes you feel like you're missing out.

Speaker 1 18:52

FOMO, like was FOMO a real thing before social media, I don't know and that's whether it's business, social, school, music, whatever. It's everything. So if you're listening and this lands with you because you're like, oh God, I feel the same way, like I don't want to pay to be a part of this group, I don't want to go to these events, I don't. You don't have to. You can do it your way, like you can do it in a way that's meaningful to you. I promise that there are people out there that connect with you directly in the very same way.

Speaker 1 19:26

Yeah, I haven't found them yet, you will. But to Greg's point, you kind of have to put yourself out there. Yes, throw a line in the water, because, greg, when you send those texts to these guys that maybe you haven't even talked to very often in over the years, and they're like hell yeah and excited, and they feel like this is exactly what I needed. They also then share with you something else, like hey, I remember this time and it made a major impact on me in a way that connects you even deeper. That would have never just come up out of nowhere. Nobody was going to text you and call you Very few people. I shouldn't say nobody, like nobody, never, always.

Speaker 1 20:06

Those are buzzwords right, but these people were highly unlikely to just text you out of the blue and say, hey, do you remember this time 25 years ago that this happened? I just want you to know that it really had an impact on me. But you threw the line in the water and you opened the door and then they felt like, oh my God, I just need you to know this, you mean something to me and connection formed. That's, that's community.

Speaker 1 20:30

Yeah that's community. It's not about how many people you can gather together. And no offense to community gatherings and community events. Those are all fun and all have their place.

Speaker 2 20:39

Yeah.

Speaker 1 20:40

But it's also about how deeply you connect down. Put it on a t-shirt, whatever you want to do with it. Also, let it sink in, because there's no room for like feeling like an outsider in this world where you can connect with so many people. You just have to make sure that you're doing it in a way that's important to you to you to you, not everybody else. Look around, notice today where you spark community or where someone else sparks the feeling of community in you. This connection, Invite somebody to collaborate, to go for a walk, to brainstorm and recognize that quiet connection can be even deeper than big, loud connection. It doesn't have to be loud to be powerful. Don't underestimate the small things. The small things have giant ripple effects. You can write that down too. If this resonated with you, I'm so glad because I'm so tired of not talking about these things that we all feel from what we see on a regular basis no more, Not this season of the Cameo Show.

Throwing the Line in the Water

Speaker 2 21:59

I was going to say this is coming at you real, real time and no fluff, no, fluff. I think it's because the book I mean the book's sitting behind you, the reset button listen, you have been working on that and the mental you know roadblocks and hurdles to get this it's out now. So now you can be more in the moment and not have to tap dance around things like let's go.

Speaker 1 22:25

Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. Thank you, I was trying to close down the show. We'll get there. We always close down, but sometimes we tangent. And I would just like to say that you're exactly right and here's why, and like a little bit more of a testament to what we're talking about.

The Real Talk Commitment

Speaker 1 22:39

With regard to community and connection, for the last five years I've been working on that book behind me, the Reset Button. I'm very proud of it and it is out and it's landing and connecting with people in the way that I had hoped. But along that five-year period of time, I was kind of like playing a role of okay, I'm a writer, I'm going to be an author, I'm a podcaster, I'm a thought leader now, and so now I need to do what thought leaders do and I need to build this community and we have, you know we'll get back to that, but I need to build this community. I probably need to build courses and I need to have this event. I need to do all these things because that's what everybody else does, all these people that are successful in that space. That's what they do. Oh, I'm starting to sweat. Woo, okay.

Speaker 2 23:22

You're getting real now, folks.

Speaker 1 23:24

But here's what happened and this is raw. I released the book it's been three months, almost three months, exactly tomorrow as of recording right now and after I released it, I kind of went dark and I shared this. I've shared this on on the podcast. Just just a couple of weeks ago, if you've listened, it was when we came back from being on break for a while. I went a little bit dark because I realized that I had to do that during that time to finish the project. I had to adopt that mindset to stay focused on what it was that I wanted to finish and accomplish with this book.

Speaker 1 24:10

But when the book was done and I had a moment to come up for air, I realized, like I love what we do here with the podcast and this circles back to that moment about like building community. I love the people that show up and listen and send messages or call and call us, our friends and family, who who know us personally and call us and be like hey, I just want you to know. That podcast episode meant a lot to me for this reason and this reason that gives me goosebumps. So I love the community that we've built and that was on purpose and I want it to continue to grow. I want the book to do well, but I want it to do well because it connects with people, not because I have some perfect marketing scheme or I'm in everybody's face about it all the time.

Speaker 1 24:54

So when I came up for air, I realized I don't have to play that part anymore. Like I want to just be me, without the filter of. This is what thought leaders do and this is how you act and this is how you speak. I want to be me. Oh God, we're just. This whole season is just starting.

Speaker 1 25:10

All these episodes feel like therapy, so thank you all for listening and I hope it makes you feel like your own therapy session as I work through my own. But coming back up and saying I just want to be me brings us to this moment of saying that's what community is to me. It connects with people in a way of like freeing them from what everybody else thinks they should be or what everybody else shows them they should be, and that isn't limited to just the people listening. That's me too. As the host, I want to spend time with you and our kids every minute I can. I want to make music and I want to be creative and I want to connect with people that I haven't talked to in years through DMs, who say, hey, you shared that on your story the other day and I just want you to know that since then, I started thinking about this and we started doing that and it's really helped me. And also here's a resource that you might find helpful.

Speaker 2 26:03

Yeah, it's happening.

Speaker 1 26:04

I don't, I don't. I'm not trying to show up here in this space. I never really was, but I definitely am not anymore trying to show up in this space as, like I got it all figured out I'm a thought leader. Listen to me. I know everything because I don't.

Speaker 1 26:20

I every day I wake up like everybody else, trying to figure it out. Whatever gets thrown at you, you're like holy shit, ok, this is life. Some days are great, some days are rough. You wake up, you do it again and you say, okay, well, there went another monday in my lifetime. If I'm lucky, I'll have x amount of mondays left, so I'm not gonna bitch about it being monday ever again, kind of thing. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 26:40

mindset whoo coming in hot coming in hot if you're still here, we have episodes every wednesday and this is a. This is what you're getting this year.

Speaker 2 26:51

Real talk, real talk. We're going to change it to real talk.

Speaker 1 26:56

Word up, real talk. Whatever I mean the Cameo Show. You know it's been around now for two and a half years and I love the name the Cameo.

Speaker 2 27:05

Show, Wow really.

Speaker 1 27:06

Two and a half years. Wow it started in my first episode.

Speaker 2 27:10

No way I don't even remember that when you were like wow, time flies. Wow.

Speaker 1 27:16

February of 2023 was where the first episodes that dropped. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I still don't. I don't even know that I would keep doing it. But here we are and it just keeps getting more and more real, and I'm grateful every freaking time I see somebody downloaded the episode or listened to the episode or shared the episode, because that, to me, means more than anything. It's not about the number, it's about whether or not it makes an impact, and I mean that. I mean that one more time. I mean that. So thank you for being here being part of the community.

Speaker 2 27:55

So thank you for being here, being part of the community, god, you know, I got one more thing. I'm gonna close it down. Close it down because we keep, you know and I just I really am sweating.

Speaker 1 28:01

Listen. One more thing the word community. I know that's what this episode's about and redefining it, and I'm happy about that, but I gotta be honest, the word community makes me puke in my mouth like a little bit every time.

Speaker 2 28:14

I hear it. I'm just like it's overdone, yeah.

Speaker 1 28:16

Stop sing, build community.

Speaker 2 28:19

Yeah.

Speaker 1 28:19

You're bugging me, but we love you and we thank you for joining us. And did I already say there's new episodes every Wednesday? Because there's new episodes every Wednesday, you can like, subscribe, follow, share, do all the right things. You know what I'm saying On Apple, spotify, youtube, wherever you're listening. Until next time.