Let People Be People

Holiday gatherings can stir up our oldest habits: scripting conversations, bracing for drama, and quietly trying to direct every moment so it feels safe and efficient. I share the mindset shift that changed my year—letting people be exactly who they are—and why that simple choice made my interactions more enjoyable. 

Instead of rehearsing comebacks or managing the room, we focus on boundaries, acceptance, and conserving emotional energy. Acceptance isn’t approval; it’s a strategy for staying grounded and present. You’ll hear how this approach softens conversations, lowers reactivity, and reduces the pressure to fix people who never asked for coaching in the first place.

If you’re ready to swap control for clarity and leave gatherings feeling lighter, this conversation will give you language, structure, and courage to try.

Follow The Cameo Show Podcast on Instagram, share this with someone who needs a calmer holiday, and leave a quick review so more listeners can find these tools. Your stories keep this community grounded—tell me how your next conversation goes.

Chapters

• 0:58 Setting The Holiday Context
• 2:40 The Shift: Letting People Be Themselves
• 5:25 Expectations, Scripts, And Control
• 8:46 Authenticity Frees Both Sides
• 11:49 Everyday Examples And Boundaries
• 15:50 Overstimulation, Control, And Softening
• 18:42 What’s In It For You

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:29

Hello and welcome to the Cameo Show. I'm your host Cameo, and if you are listening to this episode live on its release, you know that we are entering holiday season. And usually that means that we're about to be around a lot more people than maybe we're used to. Now, I don't say that in a mean way. I'm just saying it in an aware way. We're talking family, co-workers, parents at school events, people we love and people we tolerate, and people who might, all people who might impact our central nervous system in some way, shape, or form. It's also the time of year where I personally have a tendency to look back over what has happened so far this year with regard to my goals, with regard to my interactions with people over the months, etc., and kind of evaluate how did this year go? So I can wrap it up on a good note. And I feel like with regard to being around people, for me personally, this year shifted a little bit. There were many things happening in my own internal world and my own personal goals world that put me in front of a lot of different people and also made me go kind of inward more than I might have, kind of return back to myself and back to basics. And what I've learned as I look back over the last year is that my interactions with people, again, people I love, people I tolerate, people I know intimately, and people I just met, my interactions were much more enjoyable. And so, of course, I'm curious, well, why? I drew one conclusion that seems to be the answer more so than anything else. And it's that my interactions became more enjoyable, not because it was easier, but because I kind of finally let people just be who they are, instead of who I maybe wanted them to be, or instead of maybe who I thought they were, or instead of maybe who they've shown me they were in the past, but you know, we all have the opportunity to grow and change, and maybe they were different, and I let it be. Which, if you have been here for a while or you know me personally, that has been an ongoing challenge. It is a theme woven in my book, The Reset Button, that came out this year, and you know, I think it's relatable. I think a lot of us feel that pull to decide who we're interacting with before we just let them be who they are. I don't know, maybe it is just me, but I don't think so. And what I mean by that pull is that we walk into these interactions with expectations or unspoken rules, or trying to kind of control the narrative. Like sometimes I'll go into an interaction and I've already like played out how the conversation might go so that I feel prepared. My intention is not to be in control, but to be prepared. And sometimes that can come across as control, or it can plant the seed for that to go that way, or throw me completely off my game altogether, because then I'm knocked off my horse if it goes a different direction. Like as far as scripting reactions or trying to soften what I might anticipate are rough edges, or like mentally editing their personality so they're easier to deal with. I mean, come on, if you're listening and that resonates with you, pat yourself on the back for being honest. Because again, I I don't know, but I am pretty sure everyone feels this way. But here's the thing when I go into an interaction like that with this idea and this script, sometimes the other person doesn't get the memo, and that's not fun for anyone, right? Because again, that goes back to what I was saying about then it appears that I'm trying to control the direction, and that's not my intentionality, and it's just a mess. So this year I made it a focus to really stop narrating people in my head, to stop pre-deciding how they should behave and stop auditioning them maybe for roles that they they didn't sign up for or they didn't know they were auditioning for. And what I reminded myself of, especially when it was more challenging, was that people don't change because I want them to or because you want them to. They change because they want to. And most of the time they don't. The other thing that I kept reminding myself of this year is that when I let someone be their most authentic self, when I let them show up as who they really are, without me trying to influence or control that narrative, or without me coming in with preconceived ideas, it gives me permission then to be who I am. So many times in the past, especially when dealing with a difficult person, maybe this is the most relatable, whether it be a family member or a customer, someone at school, someone with a differing opinion or in a heightened situation, uh, we lose sight of who we are and how we handle ourselves in those situations by trying to control how they're responding instead of just saying, okay, wow, okay, this is how this person behaves. Whether I'm here or not, whether it's me that there's some tension with or not, this is how they would act. It has nothing to do with me. And then I can stay true to who I am and how I would respond or react in a situation. And that's been very freeing. And that can look like many things. So it can also look like a family member who's told the same stories over and over and over again, and instead of feeling like you need to stop them, you just let them tell their story. Stop trying to redirect them. I'm working on that one. It's a big one for me. I have a tendency personally to be quite blunt, and so I would rather someone stop me than repeat myself because it's not very efficient and no one wants to hear the story a hundred times, but that's not necessarily how everyone feels about sharing their stories. So if they're first aware that they're sharing their story for the 100th time, uh, maybe they want to, whether they've shared it with you or not. So, so there's that. It also shows up in a different way, like maybe a friend who cancels plans last minute. That's me, I'm the friend. Uh, not really, not all the time, but instead of taking it personally, you kind of just accept that that's who they are, and it makes it a lot easier to plan and not feel disrespected in the moment if it should happen. Or someone who has strong opinions, this is where like maybe family holiday dinners come in, and not feeling the need to argue back. Just let them have a strong opinion about your life and realize that it won't matter as soon as this is over. I'll just go back to whatever my life is, and they can think whatever it is, and that's fine. And that's friends, family, co-workers, whoever. I also stopped trying to coach people who didn't ask for me to coach them. So, especially as a parent, that can be hard. I like to fix things, I like to give advice, I feel like it's my duty, and a lot of times it might be, but not in all of these relationships and interactions. And so I've tried to be very aware of that specifically this year. You know, I wrote a book about handling difficult people and situations, and a lot of times I go back and reference my own advice because I'm like, well, how am I not getting this right? It's right here on these pages that you wrote. But we're all a work in progress, so give yourself permission to revisit behaviors and patterns that you thought maybe you already had figured out because we're not perfect. So, very specifically here at the end of the year, with regard to holidays, people can become overstimulated. And it can bring out old patterns and tendencies and family dynamics. And we cling to control because control feels safe and it feels good, and sometimes it gives you a W, it gives you a little hit of dopamine for being right or being the one that's in charge. But when we loosen our grip, the interactions soften, the conversations soften, and things are more enjoyable. Not easier, just slightly more enjoyable. That's an inside job. Kind of back to my trying to coach people that didn't ask me to coach them. It feels like helping, but it's exhausting for both sides, let's just be honest. I actually have this little sticker, I have post-it notes all over my desk as little reminders, and one of them says, not all help is helpful. And that's for me to remember about myself, but also to remember about other people, especially because I believe that often people's intentions are to be helpful, just as I feel mine are. And you don't realize that it can be sneaky or feel rude or controlling. And so that's another thing to keep in mind as you engage with more people over the next six, seven, eight weeks. Oh, six, seven. I can't believe I just did that. That's embarrassing. I edit these myself. I should edit that out, but I'm gonna leave it because it's documenting the moment. And if you have children, you know what I'm talking about. And at the same time, have no idea what I'm talking about because it doesn't even make sense and no one really knows what it means or why it became such a thing. Total tangent, I digress. So here's what's in it for you. When you do this, you will feel less emotionally reactive, you will find more enjoyment in your conversations, you will feel less pressure to manage the room. I mean, I was walking in trying to manage things, like I was on payroll sometimes in the past, not always, in the very distant past, like 10 years ago, yeah, like it was my full-time job. But in the more recent past, I've been just way more aware of my tendency. But this year specifically, I tried to make it a major focus for me. It was one of my goals to be less of a hammer. What else is in it for you? You feel more grounded during social interactions, they become a little less over-stimulating. And you level up your relationships because you're experiencing the real person that you're engaging with and not whatever you have edited them to be, and with yourself, because you're not editing and filtering yourself either. And here's a big one. This one's huge. In my opinion, it's probably the biggest one. But the takeaway for you, what's in it for you, you'll realize people are allowed to be disappointing, they're allowed to be who they are, which might be something you wish was different, and that can be disappointing, and that's okay. Subsequently, you're allowed to not take responsibility for fixing it. It's not your job. And the load gets lighter. Transactional feels like a really dirty word, but sometimes that's what interactions are. And when we can recognize when they're transactional versus when they're a more well-rounded, robust, intentional interaction, it gets easier for us as humans to manage our own emotions. I want to add that to the list. It's kind of the same as not taking responsibility for fixing someone, but it's also not your job to manage someone else's emotions. But I said it. So I invite you and encourage you and hope you feel inspired to participate in this same practice. Place some focused awareness around how you show up in interactions, and if you just allow people to be who they are. And it will not be easy. I've said that a few times. Sometimes it will be very challenging. Total bite your tongue moments, deep breath moments. Let me give you a tip: box breathing, it's beautiful. We've talked about it on a few episodes, but recenter yourself by thinking of a box, a square. You breathe in for two, you hold at the top for two, you breathe out for two, and you hold at the bottom for two. And you start that process all over again as many boxes as you need to help you not feel the need to chime in or manage anything when it comes to your interactions with people. And that's not just this holiday season, that's forever. You're welcome. But specifically, since it is the holiday season, if you're listening in real time, I want you to think about the one person that might get under your skin that you see at school or at family dinner. Maybe someone who drives you nuts every single holiday. And I want you to think to yourself now and ten times before you see them, maybe directly on the way to where you're going to engage with them. What if I drop the expectation? What if I stop expecting them to be different or trying to make them different? What if I stop trying to help them learn a different way or my way or a better way? What if I let them be exactly who they are and maybe have always been and adjust myself accordingly? Ooh, personal responsibility. It's tough. I say it out loud, and I'm already thinking of my situations, and I'm like, oh boy. We're all there sometimes from time to time. Radical acceptance. And just a note on that, radical acceptance doesn't mean it's approval. It doesn't mean you're there for it. It's kind of like conserving your own emotions through acceptance. It's peace. And I'm not saying, I'm never saying, for the record, to let people walk all over you or to not have an opinion about anything and stand for nothing. But what I am saying is stop trying to choreograph everything because you are not the creative director of Thanksgiving or school events or girls' night out, holiday edition, elephant gift exchange. I mean, unless you are the event coordinator, but you know what I'm saying. And I want to hear from you. I want to know if this was helpful and thought-provoking, or if you think that not all help is helpful, and I should just be quiet about this subject. No, seriously, I want to know who are you able to love better? Who are you able to tolerate better? How do you feel going into these potential interactions? And how often you might catch yourself indulging in these expectations of others. I think that's enough for today. You can text the show. You can DM me at Cameo Elise Braun on Instagram. Actually, I would love for you to follow at the Cameo Show Podcast on Instagram. We have over 100 episodes, and I haven't had that Instagram up and running since we started the show. But there are clips from all of the episodes that might help you find one that you need from episodes in the past. So let me know how this holiday season goes. A lot of times when I hear from you guys, it helps me feel seen myself and also know that I'm supporting you in the way that you need it most through this platform. And I appreciate you being here very much. Until next time.