95 | Mom Guilt Holding You Back? 3 Truths You Need To Hear Right Now!

Hey Girlfriend!

Mom guilt is such a heavy feeling. It can stop you from pursuing your goals and have you saying, “I’ll just wait until the right time.”

Today, I’m sharing three major truths that will challenge and encourage you to stop putting your interests and ambitions on the back burner. This episode includes practical advice for mothers to embrace their God-given talents and pursue their ambitions without feeling guilty. Ready? Let's get it!

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I'm excited to connect with you! Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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I know that you have such a big heart for your baby, but let's also not forget the fact that you have hobbies. Okay? My friends, you have interests and dreams and ambitions that you want to pursue as well. So yes, while your child has been such a wonderful blessing from God, he's also equipped you to be in other roles as well. You have these gifts and talents that comes to you naturally, and you probably naturally gravitate towards those. Things as well. Mom, guilt I know is incredibly heavy, but again, these three truths are going to help turn that around for you. and it's going to challenge you to, especially if you start implementing these things today Hey girlfriend, welcome to the restored mind. What you just heard is a sneak peek of today's episode, and I'm super excited to dive in with you. We are learning how to get confidence that last that's right. Sustainable confidence. I'm your host, Caroline thao, a Christian life and mindset coach. If you are a mom struggling to find yourself again or have ever wondered if you're good enough, this podcast is for you. So your Bible a breakout that journal. And get something to write with because we're doing this ready. Let's go. I have to tell you something. And I think you're going to be able to relate to this, but I like free things and I know. That you liked pretty things too. Did you know that I have a free community for women? Just like you. A mom of one, or even multiples, struggling to find their place in the world and yet working so incredibly hard to grow their faith so they can finally have that sustainable confidence. my friend, I am here to tell you that it is absolutely possible for you to have lasting confidence that does not solely rely on compliments or even the accomplishments of the things that you achieve. The women in my free community are all connecting with one another. They're building their home to nurture their kids and. To know who they are so that they can feel empowered through Christ to show up with joy in the work. You are not meant to be on this journey alone. So come join us. We would love to have you there. If you're already on Facebook. Search building confidence through scripture for Christian moms. I know that was a mouthful. So I linked it in the show notes for ease of access for you. My friend, I'll see you there. When I found out I was going to be a mom, it wasn't definitely not the way that I was expecting. My husband and I went to the emergency room because I have progressing stomach pains one random day. And I remember this, like, it was just yesterday because this was the kind of news that definitely changed my life forever. It was in January of 2014. And as I was sitting in the doctor's office, just waiting for the results to come back after taking a bunch of tests on the stomach pains that I was having. The doctor walked in and said, congratulations, your stomach hurts because you're pregnant. And it was a shock to me. I wasn't expecting to hear that news. And I remember looking across the room and just seeing my husband's face. He was so happy. and I've over here. Panicking and wondering like, what the heck do I do now? Which is so funny because I was in denial. The first four weeks of after having heard that news. until I heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time. And the reason why I was so panicky was because I remember as a young girl, my parents who are rather traditional, they nailed it into my head that if I ever had kids, I could kiss my dreams, goodbye, and my life, as I knew it would be over. Which is kind of scary. So I didn't know what to expect. Well, fast forward nine months. And I have my son, if he becomes my world, I'm in awe of his little man. I love him so much. I never knew. That I could love someone so much. And so I become a stay-at-home mom, which I'm very grateful and thankful for. But along with that, I realized very quickly that I wanted to do other things and I felt bad for wanting to do that. So the mom guilt of course, knocks on the door, welcomes itself in and stays in my life way longer than I wanted it to. But I didn't know what I was feeling at the time was actually labeled as mom guilt. I just knew I was frustrated and went through a season of not knowing what I wanted to do or who I was anymore. And then when I tried to pursue something that was an interest. Interest or a hobby of mine. I still felt guilty for doing that. Some of the thoughts that came to mind where that was, I taking advantage of the fact that I'm a stay at home mom. And not really living into the role of motherhood. If I went and did something else, And so I was very conflicted. And I feel bad for pursuing my goals or even asking someone to help me watch my kids my husband is in the service. And so when we first moved to North Carolina, it was just him and I, and he worked these long, crazy hours. So I felt bad asking for help. And I knew that he was exhausted too. I was exhausted. It was just, it was a hot mess back then, but that feeling of guilt continue to attach to self to me through my other two pregnancies, with my two daughters. And honestly it just piled up over the years. I just thought that me pursuing our goals, meant, I was taking time away from my kids and it didn't feel good But then I wonder, what else is this it for me? today we're going to focus on the mom guilt that creeps up on you. When you're working towards goals that you have, where you have these ambitions that you want to take, but it stopping you because you think that you are somehow. Neglecting your child or not fully living into your role as a mom. So I'm going to share with you three truths that are going to remind you that, Hey yes, your mom, but you've also been equipped to be in other places as well. I know that majority of you can begin to feel selfish because it can trick you into thinking that you are not putting your kids first. It can make you think that you aren't enough because you might be lacking experience in something else. or that you're failing because you don't see the fruit of your labor just yet. mom, guilt can also lead you into thinking maybe you made a mistake that your time was wasted. And perhaps you were better off putting your goals on the back burner until the right time. So how many of you have said that to yourself? You're just going to wait until the right time or until your child gets to a certain age to start focusing on something else. And so now what you've done is your. Committed to focusing on only your child for the rest of the time that they're with you, which is probably going to be another 18 plus years. And so I totally get it because I've been there. And I also know that your child is going to be your world for the rest of your life, but. I'm going to drop a truth bomb on you. And I know it's going to string just a little bit because it stung me too, but I want you to break free from mom guilt. I want you to let go of self doubt and get that confidence that is going to sustain you. Long-term. So that truth bomb is this. While they are going to be your world for the rest of your life. You are going to be their world for a short time. Eventually. What's gonna happen is they'll grow up and move on with their life. Now, I'm not saying that you're not going to be needed anymore, but the dependence on you will eventually change because they're going to want their own independence and you might have toddlers right now that think that they are super independent and can just do things on their own. And my hope is that. You know your relationship with them. Is going to continue to blossom a beautifully, because let's be honest. The way that you mother, your child is going to change as your kids get older. I'm not saying that you're not ever going to be needed. But I don't want you to ever wonder who you are without a baby attached to you. Trust me. I've been there. I've done that. It's not a pretty look. It doesn't feel good. We're going to talk about that another day So just put a pin in that for another day. Now I love you. And I know that you have such a big heart for your baby, but let's also not forget the fact that you have hobbies. Okay? My friends, you have interests and dreams and ambitions that you want to pursue as well. So yes, while your child has been such a wonderful blessing from God, he's also equipped you to be in other roles as well. You have these gifts and talents that comes to you naturally, and you probably naturally gravitate towards those. Things as well. Mom, guilt I know is incredibly heavy, but again, these three truths are going to help turn that around for you. and it's going to challenge you to, especially if you start implementing these things today. So the first truth that I want to share with you is that it is okay to accept, help. I don't know what it is, but us moms always think that we have to 100% of the time do everything by ourselves. Or maybe it's just me. But what I don't want you to do is reject the help that is being offered. Most of the time when someone is offering to take your child for a few hours or even come over and watch your child, while you take a nap or you do something else, they really do mean that you're not a burden to them. So if that's a thought that comes across your mind, go ahead and just bloop, delete that thought. and honestly your child is not a burden to them as well. a lot of moms, including myself, believe that if we accept, help someone is going incredibly out of their way to help us when the reality is that they've probably one planned it out that they want to help you. And two has already made the commitment that they're willing to block off a time to help you while you decompress or work towards a goal or. do whatever it is that is going to. Ease the stress for you. So they want to help you. My friend, let them serve you in a way that says, I love you in the best way that they know how. One of the most unintentional, but freeing advice I received and a conversation was that I needed to learn how to accept, help. It actually made me question, like, why is this a hard for me to accept, help? But accepting help is going to ease your workload, allowing you to make time for other things. It's also going to relieve a lot of the stress that probably is looming over you. And we don't want that. And it's going to give your child time to socialize with someone else, which is a great thing because it's going to improve their social skills. There are so many other positives when it comes to accepting help when it is offered. And I know that if you're someone who struggles with accepting help, you're probably trying to work through what I'm talking about right now. Mentally you have this block that you think that maybe. you've become a burden to them and. That's not the case at all. Again, they've already, probably mentally blocked it out and also on their schedule physically blocked it out. Plus it's most likely coming from a place of love. And so they want to serve you and I would encourage you to let them. Come around surrounding you with love and support. by. Helping you in whichever way you want them to help you. And also if your child is spending quality time with her husband or someone that you trust. And wouldn't mind them getting to know why not give them that time and space to bond. While you take a few moments to work on your goal or whatever it is that you want to focus on. Saying yes can be so incredibly hard, especially if you're already feeling that mom guilt. So here's a couple of things I want to remind you. So that you can keep it in your mind and start doing this today so that you can learn to say yes when help is offered. Okay. The first thing is, I want you to remember that there's value in the help that you're getting. Believe it or not, my friend accepting help is going to help you actually maximize the time that you get to help with your family. It doesn't seem like that right away. I know, but trust me, it does open up a gap for you to just be present with your family without having to worry about what's next on your long list of things to do as a mom, now, this could be as simple as you getting some house chore completed when someone's offered to take your child for the day or even come over to babysit, or maybe you have a small business and you're going to be working on something in that so that you can get things out of the way. It can look like anything, but honestly, know, that there's value in the help that you're getting. And then. The second thing I want to remind you is to trust in other people's abilities. the number one thing I hear most mamas tell me when it comes to letting other people babysit their kids or take them out for the day is that they'll worry that this person probably won't nurture their child the way that she would. And I totally get that, but I also want to remind you that. Just because someone is not going to nurture your child the way that you would. It does not mean that they don't care about you or the baby. As a matter of fact, when I was going through this phase, I learned that my kids enjoyed being with their aunt and uncle, because they had to be creative and play with slime. And so while I thought they were missing me and probably crying because they wanted to come home, the truth is that. They didn't realize that I was gone for as long as I was gone. So my friends except help when it is offered, you're going to realize that a lot of the times your child actually enjoys spending time with other people. And the next truth I want to share with you is that it is okay to ask for help. Don't fall into the pressure from people in your life, or maybe even in your own mind and your thoughts that you don't have your life together. If you ask for help, this is going to prevent overwhelm burnout. It's going to lessen your stress and create growth. It's going to also increase your productivity. so you're going to be able to get so much more done. You no longer have to feel like you're trying to do everything all at once And here's a couple of tips that I have for you that I've gathered that you can start doing right now to begin to that mindset shift of asking for help. So the first thing is that you want to be specific about the help that you're asking for. What I want to highlight here is that you're going to internally know what you want, and then outwardly you get to communicate that very clearly with the person that you're asking for help from so that there's no misunderstanding. It's also going to put you in a mindset that, that when you have this time block, this is exactly what you're focusing on. So that way no one feels like they're getting taken advantage of you're clearly communicating to your trusted person And also this goes without saying, but I think that we often forget to be grateful that someone's even willing to help when you ask for it. So when you do ask and someone says, yes, learn to create a grateful heart and attitude for that, with the expectation that things might not always go the way that you plan, maybe someone has to leave early, maybe they forget and don't show up, maybe something happened and you realize like the schedule is clashing and it doesn't quite work out the way that you thought still be grateful that that person said. Yes to begin with that way, it doesn't create any resentful feelings that are going to build up over time. And then the second thing I want you to do when you are trying to work on asking for help is to challenge the limiting beliefs that you have, because I'm willing to bet that one of your limiting belief is that you are a burden to others when you reach out for help or that no one has the time to help you because they've got a life of their own. They've got their own kids and their own struggles And while that's true that people do have their own life, their own schedule and kids that doesn't mean that they would not be willing to help you. So change the narrative in your mind and my friend, and this goes back to what we just talked about with gratitude. Even if they say no, still be thankful that they're willing to respond back to you. It's these little things that are going to start changing your mindset, changing the way that you perceive things. So that there's no built up resentment or anger or even disappointment that is. Being bottled up towards a certain someone or a situation. As we're talking about this, my mind goes to Galatians where Paul talks about bearing one another's burden. And I really do like how he talks about a, community that would be able to correct one another in love and in the spirit of gentleness. Now, I believe this also means too, that we should be helping one another. With the things that are happening in life. And if you're looking for community. I do have a free community. It is called the building confidence through scripture for Christian moms on Facebook. I've linked it for you so go ahead and just join me there And the last truth that I want to share with you. This is a big one. I saved it for last because it actually honestly is what propelled me into finally. Going after an ambition, and that is that you are the role model for your kids. Okay. The first person that they see is most likely going to be you in the morning, they spend most of their days with you. Most likely. And believe it or not, they're going to pick up words, habits, and even attitudes that you display. they're like a sponge. Sometimes you might get a question where they learned such a word or do something that catches you off guard. So, let me just encourage you to be that role model for your kids. Let them see you pray. Let them see you working on your business, let them see you frustrated. Now with that being said, where are you direct that frustration and anger also matters. So as you are a role model for them display the kind of action that you would want them to take when they are feeling angry and frustrated or disappointed. Your kids are watching. So no matter what you do, the question you have to ask and answer is what kind of a role model do you want to be for your kids? There are many ways that you can be a role model for them. You can problem solve with them. Right. So when there's an issue, you can ask them how they think they should go about solving the problem, let them in on what you're doing as well and ask them what they think should happen if they were in this situation or how they would handle it. You can also Take accountability for your mistakes and apologize when necessary. That's another good way for you to be a role model for them, because it's going to help them see that you're not a perfect person, which you should not try to be in front of your kids. Because then they're going to also think that they have to be perfect as well. and another way that you can be a role model is to show up. When you say you're going to show up when you make a commitment show up so that it teaches your little ones, that your words have meaning and value to them. It's also going to teach them to follow suit. And it's not just within your business. Or your role as a mom or any of the thing that you're doing, But if you make a commitment to show up for one of their school activities, Make every effort to be there because it is going to mean the absolute world to them. Talking about being a role model. Reminds me of Proverbs 22 6, where it says, train your child in the way they should go. They will not depart from it. I believe that the best way to train your child is to be that role model for them be that leader and show them the way, show them how it's done. It all goes back to Jesus. My friend, I think about the gospel too. And. What's been written of him, how he teaches the compassion, he has the patience. He displays. And the love for God that he has and for his people, I'm honestly, so in awe of his leadership, and I hope that you are inspired to lead your children in that exact same way. So don't get caught up in the perfection mindset. Okay. And don't let mom guilt stop you from leading by example. It's going to be so worth your while. And this honestly is what catapulted me to go ahead and take the reins and just. Go after my ambitions without mom guilt holding me back. Okay. I know we talked about a lot today, so I'm going to recap today's episode. You're going to be working on accepting help. If that's something that you struggle with, if someone is offering you help they most likely are coming from a place of sincerity and genuine care for you and your little one. When you accept, help, it's going to ease your workload with your kids and help you focus on another task so that you can maximize your time with your family later. And I want you to remember that as you are practicing saying yes, know, that there's value in the help that you're getting and trust in other people's abilities the second truth that I talked about today is that it is okay to ask for help. Don't fall into that mind trap. My friend did that. You are going to look helpless and that you don't have to live together or that you're weak. If you ask for help, asking for help is going to prevent burnout is going to prevent overwhelm. It's going to lessen your stress and it's going to create growth for you. And increase your productivity. You want to be specific about the help that you're asking for learn to be grateful, Even if they say yes or no or things don't happen the way that you thought that they would, we still want to be practicing gratitude And then the last truth that I just talked about is that you want to be the role model for your kids. So regardless of the season, the age that you are in, you remain the role model in your child's life. It's going to set the stage for them on how to handle their own struggles in the future. And it's also a good thing that your kids see you as an imperfect. Hardworking. And committed mom. All right. You're going to be able to do this by problem-solving with them. You're going to get them involved. You're going to take accountability for your own actions, so they see how it's being done. And you want to show up when you say you're going to show up, be committed. My friend, I know that mom guilt can be so hard, especially when it's holding you back from pursuing these ambitions and goals, remember the Lord has equipped you with these gifts and talents. And it would be such a shame if it did not go into use. So honor these gifts. Well, by stepping into that role, do not let mom guilt stop you or hold you back. I know it's hard, my friend, but you can do hard things. Hey girlfriend, if this episode encourages you to show up in confidence and finally start making moves to kick down to the curb, share this podcast and leave a five star written review on Apple podcast. It brings me so much joy hearing from you and allows the show to be seen by other mamas just like you. Don't forget to join the Facebook page The link is in the show notes as well as all the links on how you can connect with me. Thank you so much for being here today. I had a lot of fun. Sadly, this is where we part ways, but I look forward to seeing you again on Wednesday as we dive into another juicy topic. Go in peace.