104 | Sick Of Confidence Boosters NOT Working? Do This Instead!

Hey Mama, 

In this episode I dive into why temporary confidence boosters, like self-care routines and positive affirmations, don’t lead to lasting confidence. We are going to take a look at the  Bible as a guide, focusing in Luke 6: 47-49 and taking a look at the importance of "digging deep" and laying a firm foundation in Christ. Ready? Take out that bible, grab your journal and get something to write with,  let's go!

MENTIONED EPISODE:

Ep. 103 | Setting Boundaries As A Mom With Biblical Confidence

RELATED EPISODES:

Ep: 100 | Stop Searching For A Confidence Boost And Rewire Your Thoughts

Ep: 98 | 2 Reasons Why You Need Confidence Today And How To Get It ASAP

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"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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In today's episode, we're going to talk about why confidence boosters don't work long term and what you can do instead. You're going to love it because it's going to remove the stress and disappointment from continuous failed attempts to getting confidence that last. We're focusing on scripture today, so bring that bible out and get ready to take some notes, because this episode is going to be a good one. Hey mama. You're in the right place. If you're ready to get God-centered confidence, it's time for you to shine through all the seasons that mom life brings. Having unshakeable confidence comes from an unshakeable. God, so let's get to know him together. My friend, my name is Caroline Thao. I am host for the restored mind. I am also a biblical confidence coach where I teach you how to get confidence through scripture. Let's start building that framework for you so that you can begin to thrive. Are you ready? Grab your Bible break out that journal and get something to write with. Let's go. if there's anything I've learned in my journey, it's that community is so important. It's not only good for accountability, but also a great place for you to build relationships as you grow. I have a place just like that. And I want to invite you to join me and other mamas who are working hard on growing their confidence so they can begin to implement it into their life. No matter the season. I know it sounds amazing, right? To have confidence no matter what. What? Now what's different with this community is that we are working towards building lasting confidence. So while it's not a quick fix, it will challenge you and help guide you along the way. If you're tired of wondering if you're enough, living in the perfectionist mindset, and you are wanting to become the best mom that you can be for your kids, Join building confidence through scripture for Christian moms. I've linked it in the show notes for you, and I can't wait to meet you inside the group, my friend. All right, mama. Let's take a couple moments to be honest here. Self care and positive self talk, they are not always going to be the confidence booster that sticks with us, especially when life gets hard, right? When life throws lemons, the self care routine, the positive self talk, those are usually the ones that gets knocked out first beacause doesn't stay in our mind. I used to wonder why I felt great when things were going good and I was saying all of these positive affirmations. But when I came across challenges, my confidence was nowhere to be found. So as I was saying, I am capable, I am worthy, I am happy. All of those things that I was saying, didn't stick because in that situation when I didn't feel capable, when I didn't feel worthy or happy, all of that went out the door. I'm saying all of this to say that no matter how much of a wonderful self care routine I had or how many positive affirmations I read and repeated. It never really filled me with the peace that I was desperately searching for. I know it probably comes as a shock for those of you who know me in real life and grew up with me, especially since you know that I've competed in pageants and I created a following on social media where I shared beauty content because I was in front of the camera and even before all of that, I was more outgoing than I was in this particular season of my life. So the question is what happened? Well not to sound cliche or to blame anyone or anything but I became a mom and then I got sick. stuck. I didn't know what to do anymore because my life was changing faster than I was ready for it to happen. And you can say that self doubt took over and I had realized that my confidence was shaken and there was the pressure of trying not to let it show, right? It was living in the mentality of fake it till you make it. And it seemed that no matter what I did, at the end of the day, I kept circling back to this question. How much longer do I keep doing this until the confidence I want sticks with me? It can be hard to navigate this season, especially as you become more serious about growing your faith and relationship with God. So this episode is definitely going to be your faith building episode because we are going to turn our attention to Jesus. Before I dive into today's Bible verse, though, I want to briefly talk about why the common confidence boosters don't stick. Now, I talked about how I had a self care routine and I practiced positive self talk or really positive affirmations, but I circled back to how long do I do this until it sticks? words simply felt empty and the more I thought about it, the more I noticed that these things didn't stick because they were very self reliant. And as a Christian who wants to grow stronger in your faith And build a relationship with God, it didn't make sense anymore to rely on self, which is where positive self talk stems from. It is from the reliance of self, instead, the focus should be learning to depend on God. The self care routine was for momentary feel good feelings, And it was for creating this image that I wanted to present to the world. Before we move on I want to clarify that there is nothing wrong with having a self care routine because hygiene is so important, but it should not be where you draw your confidence from. so now we talked about some of the reasons why confidence boosters don't last long Let's take a look at what to do instead. Jesus says in Matthew that anyone who hears his words, by the way, I'm reading from Matthew chapter seven, verse 24 and 25, and I'm pretty much summarizing it, but you are more than welcome to flip there if you want to and read along. We are actually going to be focusing in Luke today, but this right here kind of sets up where I'm headed to. So in Matthew, Jesus says that anyone who hears his words will be like the wise man who built his house on the rock. He then goes on to say that the rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall because it had been founded on the rock. Again, that was Matthew chapter 7, verse 24 to 25, but I want to bring your attention to Luke because we're going to be focusing the majority of today's episode in that passage. I'm referring to Luke chapter 6 verse 47 through 49 and I'm reading from the English Standard Version. Jesus is still speaking here and it is from the same message. So Jesus says, Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like. He is like a man building a house who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and it could not shake because it had been well built. Now I'm going to pause here and share that on this particular verse, the footnote says some manuscript says founded upon the rock. Verse 49 continues to read, But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great. I want you to take a moment to journal out what your thoughts were after you heard this or as you were reading along. What stuck out to you? Write down the Bible verse if you want to don't be afraid to ask questions. Write down any questions that you might have because this is going to be a great opportunity for you to gather your thoughts. It's also a great way for you to come back and answer the questions that you wrote down so that you can begin to have more clarity as you are reading the Bible and building your relationship with God. As you're doing this, pause me if you have to. Alright, so I hope that you were able to spend some time to journal out thoughts and anything that stuck out to you. As we are reflecting on Luke today, Jesus points out a couple of things. Well, he points out a lot of things, but for me, what stuck out in this particular Bible verse that I shared is The word dig deep, and when you think about digging deep, what comes to your mind? It probably sounds like it's a lot of work, right? Digging deep actually teaches you a few things. Physically, it shows you where your limits are. And that's not always a bad thing because as it brings to your attention what your limits are you have the choice to decide if you're going to stop there or if you're going to continue to become stronger and grow. Emotionally, it's going to tell you what your intentions are. It's important to assess how you are approaching God. Are you going to him only when things are hard but not inviting him fully into your life? And then spiritually, it teaches you to set aside immediate relief as you wait on the Lord. I believe it is also why Jesus tells us to dig deep because he's already said in this world, we will have trouble to begin building lasting confidence, you have to let go of the quick remedies that's going to give you that confidence boost that you're searching for when life gets hard or when you feel like you're just not enough, if you draw your confidence from these things like self care and positive self talk, what happens when it gets taken away or when you go through hard times? Your confidence will waver and that's not the goal when you're building lasting confidence that's centered in God. So think about what your go to's are when you need a little boost of confidence. Is that a self care routine? Is it positive affirmation? Is it buying an outfit that's going to make you feel good or look good as you look at yourself in the mirror? As You're thinking about what your go to's are when you need a little confidence boost It is going to bring you awareness of your actions Then think about why you're going towards the thing that you want. If it's for immediate relief, I would encourage you to replace that with a prayer, a very short prayer, asking God to intervene in that moment or spend that time with God instead of going to do the thing that you want for that immediate confidence boost and allow him to satisfy you instead. digging deep is you putting your hope in Jesus. In the passage of Luke that we read, Jesus also says, lay the foundation, right? Digging deep and laying the foundation down. Laying the foundation is where you set your boundaries. We talked about that last week. I'll link it in the show notes for you if you missed it, but the healthy boundaries are going to Be what keeps you within the parameters of getting lasting confidence because we are fighting against the flesh at this point. And in order for you to build your house, you need to place it on the solid rock. It is more than profound. Fessing your faith. At this point, when Jesus talks about digging deep and laying a foundation, he's implying that there is work that needs to be done, and that work can only be completed by you. You cannot expect to have lasting confidence by simply wishing for it, although a lot of us probably wish that we could do that and it would be so much easier, but if it was simply that easy. Everybody would be doing it. So to grow your faith even more, you have to put in the work, take the time to build a relationship with God, take the time to read the Bible and get to know His good and awesome words. I know that it can be so incredibly hard and confusing when you're reading the Bible, especially if you're new into your faith journey or you just don't fully understand what you're reading But I would encourage you to not give up and to continue to show up and read. Pray before you read that the Holy Spirit would give you eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to receive God's words. personally, I like to look at Strong's Concordances. It is a book and it is expensive. It might be out of your budget right now, but if you don't have that, don't let that discourage you from wanting to understand and really be engulfed in God's words because there are other resources that you can use. Blueletterbible. org is a really good one that I still to this day use as well. By the way, this is not sponsored or anything. I'm just simply sharing with you some of my favorite resources. The last thing I want to point out here is that Jesus says the word immediately in the last verse or the last two verses. It implies that there is going to be an instantaneous result. It tells you that there is a sense of urgency involved. Because no matter what, you're going to be facing storms, and when these storms come, it's going to feel really heavy. The word immediately also serves as a warning for you to urgently build your house on the rock. And I have to pause here and address all of my mamas with a perfectionist mindset. You do not have to come perfect or come healed to build your house on the rock. As a matter of fact, I think the most growth that you get is when you go to God broken. You don't have to have everything that you think you need because God is already providing for you everything that you need. So if you're living in the perfectionist mindset and you think that you have to have all your ducks in a row before you can dig deep, lay at the foundation and go to God, my friend, I want you to pause, scratch that thought and just go to Him as you are because you are going to be changed. Yes, there is work that needs to be done on your part, but allow him to transform you and renew your mind. Jesus says at the end of verse 49, when the stream broke against it immediately it fell and the ruin of that house was great. It's not just a tiny scratch in the house, my friend, but a great ruin. I think about the time where I continue to let self doubt creep into my mind and destroy every little bit of confidence that I built. But That was my fault too. I have to admit because I was rooting my confidence in the things that made me feel good in the moment. Now I know that as you're navigating, building God centered confidence, that it can be all so confusing because you're fighting against your flesh, but mama, don't get caught up in the distraction. Don't get caught up in the perfectionist mindset. Don't keep running towards the shiny object that promises things and it doesn't withstand the storms that come your way. Instead, keep your eyes on God and continue to go to him, read his word and renew your mind daily. Allow that to transform your whole life, your mind, your body, your soul. It is so life changing. Now, before I wrap up and sign off, I just want to take a quick moment to recap because I know we talked about a lot. If you're sick of confidence boosters not working, it is time for you to try something new. New. We were in Luke today to remind us and set us on the right path of renewing our mind. We talked about digging deep. That is putting your hope in Jesus and resisting the temptation to go for an immediate relief when you're wanting a boost of confidence. Jesus tells us that in this world you're going to have trouble, but put your hope in Him and not in the world. Replace the temptation for an instant boost of confidence with prayer or a moment to truly be with God and allow Him to satisfy you instead. We also talk about how Jesus instructs us to lay the foundation down. This is where you set boundaries. There is work to be done when doing this. Setting boundaries, laying down the foundation, digging deep, all of it requires work. So build a relationship with God and take time to read the Bible and understand it. It's going to make such a difference in your faith journey and also in how you get God centered confidence. And then the last thing we talked about is that Jesus warns us there's going to be an immediate fall. It tells you that there's a sense of urgency involved because no matter what you are going to face storms. You and I cannot predict when we will face the storm. It will be wise to continue to dig deep and lay the foundation down. I know that it can be incredibly hard, especially when the world gives you so many solutions for all your doubtful thoughts. But my friend, trust in God's words and remember, you can do hard things. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today. I had such a wonderful time. I cannot wait to meet you again next Wednesday. Right here on this podcast. Mamma. I hope that as you are inspired and uplifted, that you would show up at all the spaces and places ready to serve with a joyful heart. And yes, with confidence. Please take a moment to leave a review on apple podcasts. It would bring me so much joy hearing from you on top of that. If you want to connect even more, join the insider's list. I would love to continue helping you as you journey on in getting God centered confidence. The link to join the insider's list is going to be posted in the show notes.. All right, my friend, this is where we part ways. I hope you have a wonderful day. Go in peace.