107 | What NOT To Do When Building Biblical Confidence

Hey Mama! 

Today, we’re diving into the pitfalls to avoid when building God-centered confidence. I’ll be sharing my personal story with you and walking through what to steer clear of on this journey to biblical confidence. And don’t worry—I’ll also share practical steps you can take instead to help you grow in true, God-centered confidence.

Key Takeaways:

1. Don't rely on compliment.

2  Don't get attached to your looks.

3. Don't focus on perfection. 

4. Don't seek to take control of everything. 

Let's dive in! 

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"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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Have you ever tried to remain confident in hard seasons but find yourself filled with doubt and fear? You're wondering what you're doing wrong and every thought just feels incredibly overwhelming. In this episode, we're talking about what not to do when building God centered confidence. Let's get into it. Hey mama, you're in the right place if you're ready to get God centered confidence. Having unshakable confidence comes from an unshakable God. So let's get to know him together, my friend. My name is Caroline Tao, I'm your host for The Restored Mind, and I'm also a Biblical Confidence Coach where I teach you how to get confidence through scripture. Let's start building that framework for you so that you can begin to thrive. Are you ready? Grab your Bible, break out that journal, and get something to write with. Let's go! Let's go! When you join my insiders list, you get a weekly newsletter that is filled with tips on how you can build God centered confidence. You'll be the first to know about any upcoming events. It's like we're hanging outside of the podcast and Inside your inbox. The best part is that if you ever have a question You can simply click on the reply button and it'll come directly to my inbox How cool is that? It's free to join my friends. So what are you waiting for? To become a restored mind VIP, go to bit. ly forward slash restored mind insider. That's B I T dot L Y forward slash restored mind insider. I'll see you inside your inbox, mama. When I think back on my journey with building confidence, I see that there are two very different mindsets that I had when it comes to having confidence. The one before Christ, as I like to call it, was very reliant on myself. It was based on my looks, the image that I wanted to portray to others, and the skills and talents that I had. I thought If I kept doing this thing that was working for me, the confidence level would continue to increase. But when I went through a major life changing event my confidence actually shook and I would have thoughts of failing. It would actually scare me to the point where I wouldn't want to pursue the thing because I didn't want to fail. I also went around and around in circles within my own mind thinking about a million what if scenarios. And let's be honest, it was incredibly stressful and also very frustrating. I couldn't figure out why my confidence level would come and go in waves. The other mindset, the one that I've labeled as with Christ, it actually created a calmer, version of me because Even though I had doubts and would become worried about failing, the panic alarm that used to set off inside me when I was in the before Christ mindset, it doesn't ring as loud as it used to. So yes, it's still uncomfortable starting something new because I don't know what the outcome would look like, but the discernment, the peace and the confidence that I have, it is completely different the reliant on self versus god has changed my perspective, my peace and inner calm, in so many ways that I could probably talk about forever, but I'm not going to because we're about to dive right in. And we have a long list of things to talk about today. There's some things that I want you to keep in mind on what not to do when doing this. So the first One is to not rely on compliments because compliments. Yes. They make you feel good. They make me feel good I think everybody can say that they like compliments because it's so good to hear and it's comforting Especially if it's coming from someone that you care about now, don't hear what I am not saying I'm not saying that you should not accept compliments because Yes, I do believe that you should humbly take a compliment when it's given to you. But what I don't want you to do is I don't want you to draw your confidence from compliments alone. I don't want you waiting for the next compliment to make you feel bad. And the reason why I don't want you to rely on compliments is because it can begin to shift your focus onto external validation. Compliments themselves are very temporary and they vary depending on the mood or the opinion of someone that is talking to you. But, God centered confidence is rooted in your identity in Christ, who, by the way, is unchanging. So the best practice to move with this is to move with wisdom. And how do you get that? Through knowing who God is by reading his word. Wisdom is given by God. when you read his word and you understand most importantly who he is because then you build a relationship, you build trust and that is where you draw your confidence from instead of just waiting on the compliments that are given to you. While these compliments may make you feel good. They're not going to be what sustains you long term the second point I want to make is to not get attached to your looks. I've shared this story before, but I used to think that after I had my first son, I was just going to bounce back into my pre pregnancy body, specifically thinking about my stomach. I thought that my stomach would actually shrink back to look like how it did before I got pregnant. But I was in for a rude awakening when I realized it looks much more like a deflated balloon instead. And so the truth is just that your body is going to change. There are so many more factors that play a role in how your body changes over time. But when you get attached to your looks, it's going to do a few things. One is going to make it hard for you to let go of what was which then brings you into a panic of how you can go back to that time frame. Your mind just wants to stay there. And when that happens, you miss the opportunity to embrace the present version of yourself. You miss the opportunity to get to know the new version of you. And it's harder for you to move forward whenever. It's time to make certain necessary changes that you might be wanting to make you can honestly waste time chasing the thing of the past When your body changes, your value does not change, your worth does not change. When building God centered confidence, keep in mind that God looks past your physical appearance. Yes, it is a temple for the Holy Spirit. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you trying to physically become healthier. It is so incredibly awesome that you would want to take care of your body physically, just know that any imperfections that you may be finding on your body, it is not there by mistake. God knows every Part of your body for he knitted you when you were in the womb He sees you even now So how you can learn to be present and embrace what is the current version of yourself is to thank God for your body that is able. I mean, if you really think about it, when you're not being the kindest to yourself, when your body has fallen ill, it does its absolute best to try and survive. Which is great because there are some days where mentally we give up on ourselves But our body is still fighting for us for the best chance of survival and that just blows my mind whenever I think about it Also what I meant by kindness earlier is the negative self talk and they continue bashing of what your body looks like or What you would change what you don't like about yourself. There's all of these things that come to mind. I know for me, I used to really be obsessed over getting breast augmentations because I was so insecure with my chest and now here I am insecure with my midsection, which I've actually talked about in earlier episodes with The Restored Mind, but it just seems that no matter what we fix about ourselves, I think we'll find a way to nitpick at something else. So you really truly have to learn to embrace your body that is able in order to appreciate the beautiful creation that God has made. Because mama, you are God's masterpiece and you have the opportunity to pick your hard at any point because it is so hard to stay in the mindset of thinking that you need to change certain things about yourself or not feeling enough because you don't hold up to what the current standard of beauty is, but it's also hard for you to roll up your sleeve, get into the nitty gritty and start working towards the mindset that is going to teach you how to learn to embrace yourself and to make corrections and move forward without feeling the resentment of having your body change over the years or anything like that because it is hard. The third thing that you don't want to do is to seek to take control of everything. And you might be asking yourself, well, how does this relate to confidence? Well, my friend, Confidence is not just in looks, but it might be in your ability, your talents and your skills to do something. So for those of you who don't struggle with your looks, you might be struggling with your talents, with your skill sets and the things that you're able to do. In order for you to have the confidence that you want, you might think that you have to have control of everything because then you have possession of it. You get to control the outcome, so to speak, right? But wanting to be in control of everything is a false reality because you simply can't control everything. What you can learn to do instead instead is to adapt, adapting with grace. To be more specific, it gives you the peace that you want despite whatever has happened and it helps you clear your mind to think about what your next steps would be. See, God tells us that his ways and his thoughts are higher than ours. And so we can't possibly know the outcome of something when we started. I think about how God answers Job and chapters 38 through 41 don't worry, I'm not going to read it with you today. It is incredibly long, but I also highly recommend that you would go and visit those chapters because God asks a lot of amazing questions to Job I will read one verse for you though. It's from chapter 38 and it's verse four where God says, where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me if you have understanding and I don't know about you but that particular verse it gives me chills because often times I can take my talents and the skills that I Think that I have and make it about myself Right make it about the fact that I did this when really it was a gift given to me by God. The gift, the skill talents that I have was given to me by my father who created me when I was in my mother's womb. And I think that as someone who still sometimes want to have control over everything. This is a huge reality check because I was nowhere when God laid the foundation of the earth, I just think that that's so incredibly awesome And so the more that you are trying to build godly confidence I would encourage you to Take a look at what you can control and work on that. You want to work towards progress. because progress is going to be what takes you from being just okay to good to great to being really, really awesome at something. And it takes time. So the more that you let go of being in control, the more focused that you can become on adapting with grace, which means that you're just going to adjust with God in mind first. So that means with kindness, with patience and love, I want you to think about the fruit of the spirit and the fourth point I want to make is to not focus on perfection. This is for all of my mamas operating from a perfectionist mindset. This one is for you and also for me because recently I had to pull myself out of the mindset of trying to be perfect because I was spiraling out of control and running around in circles in my own thoughts. Doesn't it sound like it is a heavy thing to go through? it's almost like a dark cloud just looms over you what I mean by focusing on perfection is that you get stuck because you hyper fix your intention and your thoughts on making sure that there are no flaws and whatever it is that you're doing. The reason why I don't want you to focus on perfection is because no one is perfect, first of all, and you're bound to mess up at some point. You and I, we get distracted we don't always get it right? And right now my mind is actually going to a song called Christ is Mine Forevermore by City of Lights. And I really like these last few verses. I was running and I was listening to the song the other day. It was hitting me at the most pivotal time in my run because I was thinking about how these last few weeks I've been wrapped up in my own perfectionist mindset. But the lyrics read, Mine are days that God has numbered. I was made to walk with him, yet I look for worldly treasure and forsake the king of kings. And that just goes to show that while our intentions are good, sometimes we get distracted and we don't always get it right. But the important thing to remember are the key takeaways, especially when you take a moment, you take a step back and you start to reevaluate where your mind is at and what's happened, right? You're starting to pay attention to you, to your actions. And you ask the questions like what did you learn from this and how are you going to apply and adapt it moving forward? Because you obviously want a different outcome, right? I want you to think about what went well in that time and what didn't. Because mama, when you're building God centered confidence, it does not mean that you strive for perfection. It means that you're going to learn to let him fill in the gaps where you fall short. And then the last point that I want to make on what not to do when building God centered confidence is to ignore your weaknesses. How many of you are just gently sweeping the weakness under the rug, trying to smooth it out so that it doesn't really show all the lumps and bumps underneath that rug? we just finished talking about how we aren't perfect people, which means that we have to admit that we have weaknesses, right? Now for all of my mamas who are operating from the perfectionist mindset, I'm willing to bet that you're probably busy trying to find a solution to fix the weakness because you don't want the flaws to be showing. Does that sound right? Now I know that I can't be the only one that does this, right? There's absolutely no way that I'm the only one out here alone, or maybe I am. Who knows? But the reason why I don't want you to ignore your weakness is because one, it doesn't make it go away. And two, as you build God, such a confidence by going to God first and the more that you start reading, you'll realize that. God's goodness, His power just completely magnifies in your weakness. So as Paul goes to God and to Corinthians and asks God to remove the thorn that's at his side, God responds essentially with a no, but reminds him that His power, God's power is made perfect in weakness. I'm gonna be reading verse 9 through 10 which reads But he said to me my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness Therefore I will boast All the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me for the sake of Christ. Then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. I know that I've been referencing this verse more frequently in most recent episodes, but it truly does speak into how as a mom who is searching for confidence, you wish for all of the things that bothers you, so the thorn or thorns that are at your side, you want them to be removed because you're just searching for this incredible rest and peace that gives you this worry free feeling that you're not anxious about anything. You're not worried about anything You don't wish that you had to fix anything you're just thinking of incredible peace that you would get that nothing would bother you and then you would be okay. I Think it's an incredible reminder also That it is through God's grace that is sufficient for you. So even with the thorn at your side, you don't have to walk in anxiety. You don't have to always be worried about what you're doing next or how you're going to gain more confidence in other areas of your life. Because the more that you go to him and the more that you rest in him, you'll realize that his grace truly is sufficient for you. And that his power magnifies. in your weakness, which essentially makes you stronger because it is only by the grace of God that you would be able to get through whatever hard seasons you're in right now. We actually talked about the word sufficient two weeks ago in my free community. The link to join is in the show notes. I would highly recommend jumping into that community so that you can learn and grow with us as you build God Centered Confidence. Such an awesome resource for you, Mama. But yes, His grace and power magnifies even more when you are weak. So today's conversation probably felt like I covered a lot, right? And I did. So to recap really quickly on what not to do when building God centered confidence is to not rely on compliments. Yes, they feel good, but it varies and many people have their own opinion. Instead, what you can do is learn who God is, know your identity in Him by reading His True and trustworthy word, which is the Bible. Secondly, you don't want to get attached to your looks. Your looks are going to be changing over time. It comes with age, injury, and from having babies., when you get fixated on your looks, you get stuck in the past, which makes it hard for you to embrace and get to know the version of you that is here today. A great way to embrace your body is to truly be grateful and thank God for what your body is able to do. Practice thanking God that your body can move, that it is well, and remember that your body fights for the best chance of survival, even when it's sick, right? So that should tell you something. And then don't focus on perfection. This is when you hyperfix your attention and thoughts on making sure that there are no flaws in what you're doing. Just remember that we are all bound to mess up at some point. It is not the end of our journey, right? We can still get up and go again. Remember that when you are building God centered confidence, it does not mean that you strive for perfection. It just means that you're going to learn to let him fill the gaps. where you fall short. and then don't seek to take control of everything. This is when you feel like you have to touch everything because you want control of it, right? You have to have all eyes on it, you have to touch it and know that it is going well because you are wanting to perfect or progress in your craft, which is understandable, but just know that at some point you're bound to mess up, which is okay. Adapting with grace, right? Going to God first and thinking about the fruit of the spirit is going to be the perfect way for you to start. Working yourself out of seeking to take control of everything. And then the last one is to not focus on perfection. This is where you hyperfix your attention and thoughts on making sure that there are no flaws in what you're doing. But just know that again, you're bound to mess up at some point, which is okay. Building God centered confidence does not mean that you strive for perfection. It just means that you're going to learn to let him fill the gaps where you fall short. And I just have to say, I am so incredibly proud of you for working on building God centered confidence because my friend, it is not easy and I know that it can be hard, but you can do hard things. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today. I had such a wonderful time. I cannot wait to meet you again next Wednesday. Right here on this podcast. Mamma. I hope that as you are inspired and uplifted, that you would show up at all the spaces and places ready to serve with a joyful heart. And yes, with confidence. Please take a moment to leave a review on apple podcasts. It would bring me so much joy hearing from you on top of that. If you want to connect even more, join the insider's list. I would love to continue helping you as you journey on in getting God centered confidence. The link to join the insider's list is going to be posted in the show notes.. All right, my friend, this is where we part ways. I hope you have a wonderful day. Go in peace.