108 | Stuck And Stressed From Aiming For Perfection? What To Do Instead

Hey Mama,

In this episode, I open up about my personal journey with perfectionism and share practical, faith-filled guidance on how to break free from the crippling pursuit of perfection. As a christian mom who is striving to live with more grace and less pressure, I hope this episode inspires you to shift your focus from unattainable ideals to meaningful progress. Join me as I offer biblical insights and actionable tips to help you grow in confidence, faith, and freedom.

Key Takeaways:

1. Recognizing the Downside of Perfectionism: Understand how the pursuit of perfection can lead to stress, dissatisfaction, and wasted time.
2. Embracing Imperfection: Learn why acknowledging your imperfections allows you to receive God's grace and rely more deeply on Him.
3. Progress Over Perfection: Discover the importance of setting realistic goals and celebrating small wins as steps toward overall growth.
4. Biblical Insights: Reflect on key biblical passages like Romans 3:23 and 2 Corinthians 12:9 that highlight the value of God's grace in our weaknesses.
5. Practical Tips: Gain practical strategies for letting go of perfectionism, such as mindful self-talk, breaking tasks into manageable steps, and practicing patience.

Ready to start this journey? Let's go!

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I'm excited to connect with you! Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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Have you ever set out to do something and found yourself going in circles, worried that you would somehow mess up your. Plan or the goal that you've set for yourself operating from the perfectionist mindset can get you stuck in a loop, which is absolutely stressful. Today, I'm sharing what you can do instead to begin breaking that cycle. Let's get into it. Hey, mama. Are you tired of battling your own mind with self-doubt, and with imposter syndrome? Have you ever wondered if you are enough if you ever said yes to any of these, let's uproot all of that and start rebuilding the framework for you to get God-centered confidence. My name is Caroline Tau. I'm host for the Restore Mind, and I'm also a biblical confidence coach, where I teach you how to get confidence through scripture. Are you ready? Grab your Bible, break out that journal and get something to write with. Let's go. Do you enjoy these weekly episodes? Did you know that you don't have to wait every Wednesday to hang out with me on this podcast? Come join my free community building Confidence through Scripture for Christian Moms. It is full of mamas just like you who are working on rooting their confidence. In Christ. Together we study the word of God. We also have fun challenges and encourage and motivate one another, which is amazing. The conversations in this group are so powerful and at times it can be so funny, but we just like to have fun and also I. Raise one another up. This community has been created to help you along your journey, so imagine having a sister in Christ who is going to walk alongside you and help you as you grow. Doesn't that sound amazing? The link to join is in the show notes. I'll see you there. I believe ever since I was a little girl, the idea of perfection has always been a goal that I honestly could never achieve, I had this obsession over being perfect because I didn't want to disappoint anyone or myself. I actually enjoyed. Pleasing other people and getting praises. I know it sounds so crazy and weird, but in the season I thrived off getting praises because somehow it made me feel validated and confirmed that what I was doing is right. I can't tell you how many times I felt like a failure because I didn't execute with perfection. There was always something that would seem quote off with whatever results I had, and it just didn't feel satisfying. I remember feeling disappointed as a college dropout because I didn't think that I'd make my parents proud and then as I became a mom and I started planning my children's birthday parties, I would get so stuck on the details that it would upset me because what I envisioned in my mind going into the birthday party planning was not how it turned out. So in my eyes, it was imperfect. And not to be dramatic, but it felt like the birthday party was ruined somehow. I also remember, as I'm thinking back on. My obsession of perfection is that I remember stalling on getting baptized because I was waiting for the quote, perfect time. It took me years to finally understand that nothing would be perfect, and if I was going to wait on the perfect time, I would actually be wasting time, which, let's be honest, I absolutely did waste a lot of time waiting for the perfect time. Operating from the perfectionist mindset bred so much stress in the many areas of my life as a mom. This idea of being perfect just magnified because now I have tiny little humans relying on me for their survival and their growth. And honestly, I didn't want to disappoint them. I didn't want to under deliver on the things that I said I could do or that I would do for them. Honestly I was just a mess. But thank goodness for growth. So if you are realizing that you're also operating from the perfectionist mindset, this is going to be the encouragement you need to start letting go of perfection so that you can truly be more at peace and present with your family. That sounds way better than stressing out, doesn't it? Now before we get started, I have to deliver bad news and that is nothing. And no one is perfect. And I say that with so much love. I know that it probably sounds disappointing for you to hear that because you want to have this fulfillment, this full satisfaction that you have executed a goal or a task without any flaws. What you envision is exactly the product that came out, and it just feels so incredibly. Good. Right. At least that's the feeling that we're chasing. Or maybe, and I'm only saying this from experience, but I'm willing to bet that you probably have this problem too, and it's that the pride in you cannot accept that. You will at some point mess up, disappoint someone or completely struggle and fail at times. You're probably. Not even willing to admit out of pride that you've already messed up in this present time, but I want to offer you this food for thought as a means to hopefully shift your perspective and mindset towards accepting that it is okay to fall short, and that is. It actually is a blessing that you mama are not perfect, and here's why. Your Imperfectness gives you the opportunity to accept and receive God's grace as a gift. Romans 3 23 says, for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. What does this mean? Well, it means that we all have missed the mark and have fallen behind at some point in our life. So that means that no one is exempt. Jesus is the only one that has ever been perfect. But Mama rest in knowing that your Imperfectness teaches you to rely on God. Which is what he wants because according to the first commandment, you are not to have any other God in your heart and in your mind. And also according to Romans 3 24, which is the following verse, it reads and are justified by His grace as a gift through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. And I see. Two gifts here. I see the gift of grace and the gift of Jesus. As I'm sitting here thinking about these two gifts, I can't help but think about how awesome it is that we get to be imperfect because then it teaches us to really hold on and clinging onto God. I would also argue that we honestly love to put ourselves first if we're not intentional about where our mind is at, the need, the drive and the want to be. Number one, can take over your way of thinking and. Honestly dictate the actions that you take. Your mind can become poisoned, so to speak, with thoughts of never feeling like you're enough or accomplished enough, and then you find yourself stuck and frustrated when you're chasing an unrealistic Expectation of being fully satisfied in the title that you want to accomplish or in your accomplishments, or even if you're chasing an emotion of, say, for example, total satisfaction that. You did something and it was perfect. And that's not to diminish anything that you've done or the titles that you had or the hard work that you've put into something. But when you use that to base your validation, to base who you are and your worth on it becomes a struggle. And when you shift from yourself to God. It makes all of the difference. It is so life changing. So instead of focusing on perfection and getting stressed over it, here's one thing you can do instead. Work towards progress. Mama. this is where that mindset shift comes into play, and it's a small change to be honest with you, but it is going to make the biggest impact in the way that you show up as a mom, as a wife, a friend, a sister, a teacher, or whomever. When you're working towards progress, you are essentially accepting God's grace. Because it teaches you to rely on him, you're learning to trust him. Instead of striving for your own idea of perfection, you are now beginning to slow down, which gives you the opportunity to really take a look at what you can do realistically, not the idea of what the results would look like. Because, let's be honest, you probably started this mission off with a vision in mind that would look absolutely flawless, but when the reality doesn't meet the expectation, the never ending thoughts of worry and stress will continue to cycle within itself, and that is why it is so important that. As you're working towards progress, you are also being realistic about the progress that you're making or the goal that you want to have. It is not about perfection. It's about making progress, and this progress is actually going to be what takes you even further. I'm about to bring up a verse that I actually talked about in episode 107, which is titled What Not To Do When Building Biblical Confidence. And a couple of weeks ago I created a post in my small group that talks about being content. I. So I will link both of them in the show notes for you. Now, the verse I'm referring to is two Corinthians chapter 12, verse nine, where God says to Paul, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made in perfect weakness. And God responds to Paul in this manner Paul has gone to ask God three times to remove the thorn that was at his side, and that's how he responds. And when God says that, Paul says that he will then boast all the more gladly of his weaknesses so that the power of Christ may resT upon him. Last week I highlighted how Paul had to learn to be content and this week I want to highlight how Paul was so accepting of God saying no. And it makes me think as a reflection, and maybe it'll help you reflect too, but how gracefully do I accept God's no in my life? And honestly, I can say that I probably don't take it very well. I don't take it at face value for what it is. I actually have to wrestle with it for quite some time in order for me to have this peace with it. And I really like how Paul sets the example by just saying that he will boast all the more gladly of his weakness when God said no. And so I think that's encouragement for all of us that we all can use as a way for us to reflect on how well we accept God's no order for you to work efficiently towards progress, you have to be content with what you have, which I just talked about, and the end result, not just what's present, but what the end result's going to look like you can still give it your best effort, but at the end of the day, you've got to take a deep breath and let it go. Take a deep breath and let it go. You've done what you can. So let God do the rest. Before we wrap up this episode, I want to offer you a few tips that you can start implementing right now as a way to help you walk away from the perfectionist mindset. The first one is to be mindful of your inner and outer dialogue. In other words, how you're speaking to yourself internally. And outwardly, your words have meaning. What you tell your mind will be internalized inside you, and you'll begin to think whatever the negative thoughts are, right, you're gonna begin to believe whatever these negative thoughts are. And the second one is to set realistic goals, which I briefly talked about earlier in this episode. But you really wanna think about what you can accomplish and break those down into smaller, more manageable tasks. The overall vision is not the problem here because we as perfectionists love to. Be visualizers of what we want the end result to look like. So the overall vision is not a problem. What's the issue? Is that we have this idea that it needs to be exactly like the vision. Instead of focusing on that, let's start by breaking down these steps on how we can get to the overall end result. And then these steps that we break down, they might end up having substeps and that's even better because it's gonna make it even more manageable for you to be more realistic about what can actually happen versus what you are imagining what happened in the perfect scenario. and the third one is to acknowledge the effort and not the unrealistic outcome. I've said this in older episodes and I'm gonna bring it back up again because it's so incredibly true, and that is to celebrate your small wins. These small wins are going to add up over time and it's going to bring you the progress that you want to see. We are leaving perfection behind. Okay, and then lastly. Don't give up. I feel like that's the anthem to this podcast. Every time I sign off, I always tell you that you can do hard things, but honestly, don't give up. Change takes time. It takes being consistent and making intentional decisions. So being intentional about what you're saying to yourself, whether it be inwardly or outwardly, being intentional about the realistic goals that you're setting for yourself, being intentional about celebrating your small wins change is very intentional. You cannot just passively make these changes and then expect it to continue to repeat itself. Because when you develop a habit of working out of the perfectionist mindset, if you're not being intentional about what you're doing you will go back and start operating from the perfectionist mindset again and change also takes. Patience, which I know it can be incredibly hard because we are immediate people these days. Immediate results are something that is very hot. We want it right here, and now our patience level has decreased. And some of you might even say you never had any patience to begin with. I promise you, the more that you work on it, the more that you're going to get better at it. I know that it can be incredibly hard, but Mama, you can do hard things. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today. I had such a wonderful time. I cannot wait to meet you again next Wednesday. Right here on this podcast. Mamma. I hope that as you are inspired and uplifted, that you would show up at all the spaces and places ready to serve with a joyful heart. And yes, with confidence. Please take a moment to leave a review on apple podcasts. It would bring me so much joy hearing from you on top of that. If you want to connect even more, join the insider's list. I would love to continue helping you as you journey on in getting God centered confidence. The link to join the insider's list is going to be posted in the show notes.. All right, my friend, this is where we part ways. I hope you have a wonderful day. Go in peace.