110 | The Number 1 Mistake That's Hurting Your Confidence

Hey Mama!

In this powerful episode, I dive deep into the struggle of negative self-talk and how it can impact your confidence as a Christian mom. Negative self-talk often becomes a comfort zone and it can leave you feeling overwhelmed. As a mom, you may find yourself constantly battling self-criticism, comparing yourself to others, or feeling guilty for not doing enough. But it’s time to break free from these harmful patterns and start embracing the kindness, grace, and love that God offers.

Join us as we reflect on the Parable of the Sower from Matthew 13 and explore how Jesus' words can help you cultivate roots of confidence in good soil. We’ll discuss practical tips for overcoming negative self-talk, including how to pause in moments of doubt, read and apply Scripture, and reflect on the compliments and encouragement you receive from others.

Key Takeaways:

• Recognizing the cycle of negative self-talk and how it impacts your confidence
• Practical steps to stop negative thoughts in their tracks and replace them with truth
• The value of taking compliments graciously and learning to accept kindness
• How the Parable of the Sower can inspire you to grow deep roots in your faith

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I'm excited to connect with you! Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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Are you unknowingly killing your confidence? Today, we're diving into the number one mistake you could be making and it's holding you back. Trust me, once you recognize this, it's going to be a game changer for your faith and confidence journey. Let's dive in. Hey, mama. Are you tired of battling your own mind with self-doubt, and with imposter syndrome? Have you ever wondered if you are enough if you ever said yes to any of these, let's uproot all of that and start rebuilding the framework for you to get God-centered confidence. My name is Caroline Tau. I'm host for the Restore Mind, and I'm also a biblical confidence coach, where I teach you how to get confidence through scripture. Are you ready? Grab your Bible, break out that journal and get something to write with. Let's go. I'm so excited to invite you to this event that I am going to be hosting. It's a live workshop where we can connect outside the podcast on April 14th at 10:00 AM Pacific Stern time. I will be on Zoom live with you for a power packed hour to walk you through my simple four step process on how you can hear from God more clearly and build unshakeable confidence in who you are. It's going to be fun. Faith filled and full of powerful takeaways. Everyone who attends the life will receive a 20% off discount code for your first coaching call service, which is an incredible amount of savings. On top of that, I'm also giving away a Daily Grace Company gift card to one Lucky Mama. Now you will have to be there to win the gift card and spots are limited. So grab yours now, my friend. Just head to the show notes and click the link to save your seat. I can't wait to see you there. Today I am going to share a story with you that's going to highlight my not so good moments. We were in the very beginning of our marriage, my husband and I, and I just had my son. He was a couple of months old and I was getting ready to go on a date with him. So he walks into the room and he tells me how beautiful I'm looking and do you know how I responded? I responded with a snarky comment filled with attitude. Looking back, it is not my proudest moment, and I also don't recommend doing that right before you're about to go on a date. Highly do not recommend.? I said, you only have to say that because I'm your wife. Now, the comment was actually said with way more attitude, way more sass. And yes, there was eye rolling with a dash of annoyance and my tone of voice, and yes, you're absolutely right. I was being incredibly rude to my husband, who was kind enough to walk in and give me a compliment as I was getting ready. His response actually took me by surprise, which made me upset because I knew deep down he was right and back then I was so full of pride. I did not want to apologize or admit that I was wrong. I was that person that needed the last word in every argument that I was in. It was not my proudest moment. I admit I needed a lot of work back then, and to be really honest with you, I still think I can use work now, which is great because there's always room for growth. But anyway, you wanna know what he said? He came back after I said my rude comment and said, you need to learn how to take a compliment. And the way that he said it was so calm, he wasn't rude about it, and he didn't yell. He simply made his statement and he walked away. I'll share more of this later, but thank goodness God did some pruning on your girl because I was a hot mess and that was not my finest hour. So what is the number one mistake you're making that's killing your confidence? It's your inner soft talk that happens on a daily, and you've gotten. So used to it that you're not even realizing what you're doing to yourself. So how does this story relate to the conversation today? Well, first I had to sit and think about why I responded with what I said. And you know what it boiled down to, it came down to the negative self-talk, which is a silent killer, and the thing is it plays the game for the long haul. See, I responded the way that I did because of how I was speaking to myself about myself. I ended up internalizing it and it outwardly expressed itself without the conscious decision of how I was going to respond. Negative self-talk is a form of dialogue that you formed inside of your mind to put yourself down when you are already feeling doubt. Fear or frustrated among other things like mom guilt or shame from your mistakes. It can also happen when you fall short of other people's expectations because you end up telling yourself that you're not doing enough. When you are, say for example, about to do something new, like start a business, you wonder if your credentials are enough. You begin to also wonder if you're going to be successful, and then you start to think, well. You're probably not going to be successful, and you start to look at all of the reasons why if you are a working mom, whether it's from home or commuting, you begin to tell yourself that you're not loving your family well because. You are spending time on something else other than being fully present with your family. And honestly, there's so much that we as moms tell ourselves that we overcompensate for more work in the areas where we think we're falling short. And ultimately it ends up with more stress and less rest, which is not what we want. We don't want to feel continuously overwhelmed or to feel like we lack rest. so when you receive a compliment or when you try to tell yourself something positive, it can be hard for you to genuinely. Be thankful for the compliment or to truly believe in the positive thing that you're trying to tell yourself. I mean, it's especially hard because if you think about it, the negative self-talk that's made home in your mind. It has been with you for days, weeks, and even years, and you've been bashing on yourself without even realizing it. Negative self-talk happens because it becomes a comfort zone in how you speak to yourself. It is possible to have habits that you take comfort in when it's not good for you. These habits are part of your muscle memory, and it is an unconscious reaction that you just do naturally as a reaction to what's happening around you. Over the years, you've programmed your mind to think that way. So now the immediate thought is that you can't do or be something because of whatever the negative thought is in your mind, or maybe you think you can't do something. Because you don't have whatever that thing is you think that you need in order to proceed with the goals or the ideas that you have. Now, I said earlier that I would come back around to this story that I shared with you earlier, and so here we are. When my husband made the statement that. I needed to learn to take a compliment. It honestly took me years to understand what he meant. I was way too prideful to explore what that would even look like. And the year that I had my miscarriage, which if you're new here, I've had multiple miscarriages, but there was one that truly brought me to rock bottom. And in that same year, my marriage struggled and my insecurities just came out all in that same year because I had spent multiple years prior to that sweeping all of the insecurities under the rug instead of addressing them. So it was a huge year. There was a lot going on. And that was the year that changed everything because his comment that he made in the beginning of our marriage is I was getting ready to go on a date with him. It came back to my mind it made me realize that I didn't take a compliment. Well, when I saw how I put myself down, even when someone would say something nice to me, See, my husband's compliment was given out of genuine care and love, and I responded with a very nasty attitude which is the same attitude that I gave myself for years. And so I would love to offer you this thought for you to think about how you accept compliments from other people, and also to reflect on the kind of dialogue that you have about yourself to yourself. Inside your own mind, what does that mostly look like? As I was thinking back on this, I allowed negative self-talk to happen for two reasons. One, because that was the default that I fell back on, which was putting myself down. and secondly, but most importantly, I did not take the time to know God or allow his word to take root into my life. So, mama, I encourage you to reflect on your actions, your thoughts, and your words when it comes to how you treat yourself. Are you being overly critical of yourself? Are you being unkind to yourself and the things that you're saying about yourself, would you tell a friend those same things? being kind does not mean that you have to become conceited in your own strengths. Remember that you are working on rooting your confidence in God, not in the world. So you can learn to be truly kind to yourself when you learn the kindness that is in God. Kindness is not sugarcoating, it is not making excuses, but it can be tough love at times, and it is compassion. It is grace, it's mercy. It's gentle. and that kind of kindness is going to be the one that you wanna work towards so that you can build unshakeable confidence. The parable of the sower comes to mind as I'm talking to you about rooting yourself in the word of God, because that was the biggest game changer for me, and I know that as you begin to root yourself in the word of God, it is. Going to be a game changer for you as well. So the parable, the sower is in Matthew chapter 13, and if you are able mama, break out that Bible, if it's on your phone, or if you're able to physically pull up a Bible. Please bring it out and read it along with me. I enjoy reading scripture with you and I just wanna take the time to dig into the word of God. So we're gonna be doing that Now I am going to be reading from the English standard version, but feel free to follow along in whatever version of the Bible you have. Verse one starts out by saying that same day, Jesus went out of the house and sat beside the sea and great crowds gathered about him so that he got into a boat and the whole crowd stood on the beach and he told them many things in parables saying a sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground where they did not have much soil and immediately they sprang up since they had no depth of soil. But when the sun arose, they were scorched. And since they had no roots, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain. Some a hundred fold, some 60, some 30. He who has ears, let him hear and on verse nine, the footnote here says some manuscripts add in this verse to hear. So verse nine, with that footnote would say, he who has ears to hear, let him hear as I read that, was there anything that stuck out to you? Which seed do you find yourself to be in this season? I believe we are all of these, to be really honest with you, but typically there's one that truly stands out the most depending on what season of life we're in. The goal is to be the seed in good soil. Now, as you reflect on the type of seed that you are in the season of life, do not become discouraged, but be encouraged that you have the blood of Jesus over you, and it is not a condemnation when you realize that you're falling short somewhere. As a matter of fact, I want you to think of it as an invitation to get to know God more and to cling onto him like a child. Do not let the enemy snatch away. What has been so onto your heart. Mama do not. Just receive God's words with joy and then wither away at the first sign of trouble. But put your roots in good soil and bear good fruits. Jesus actually explains this parable further down in chapter 13, and you'll find that starting at first, 18 to 23. So verse 18 to 23 says, hear then the parable of the sower. When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, The evil one, comes and snatches away what has been sewn in his heart. This is what was sewn along the path. As for what was sewn on Rocky Road, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no roots in himself, but endures for a while and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately, he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sewn on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields in one case a hundred fold in another 60 and in another 30. So how do you come to understand the word? Read the Bible my friend. Take time to read the Bible And be intentional with it. As you're reading, apply what you learn so that you can cultivate your roots in good soil and look up unfamiliar words. This is going to be the most helpful for you to connect the dots. If anything is unclear, as you take the time to understand the context. It's going to help you tremendously because then you'll get to know the background of the reason why these letters or the book was written the way that it was written, and then the last tip I have for you is to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Mama, this is going to be an absolute game changer for you. And also don't think that you have to have all the answers as you are reading and as you're asking these questions, don't think that you have to know everything. It is okay for you to take your time and. Slowly seek out the answers. I would also encourage you to have an open dialogue with someone that you would trust about the questions you have. and I think that it's going to be an incredible way for you to engage with scripture and start to truly seek and find. I also recommend that you read reputable commentaries as it'll help you understand maybe some things that are unclear for you. Now as far as the negative self-talk, I believe that the one thing that you can do right now to help you move towards a more positive self-talk is to pause the moment that you find yourself in a negative self-talk. Now, that's not to say that you are going to. Catch yourself immediately doing it. But if you keep finding yourself, going back to the worries, going back to the wishing you had the thing or. Kind of dwelling on the negativity of what you think you might need more of, or where you think you're falling short In that moment, I want you to pause and I really want you to think about whether or not this negative self-talk is going to serve you well. And as you are thinking about the negative self-talk, I would also encourage you to think about whether or not this negative thought process is rooted in good soil. You might find that your negative self-talk is a cycle of repetitive things that you're telling yourself, whether it stemmed from childhood or just from making mistakes that you truly hadn't healed from whatever that may look like for you. I know we talked about a lot today, We talked about negative self-talk being the number one mistake that continues to wreak havoc on your confidence and also in your mind, right? So it is time mama for you to take a stand and make the changes that is going to impact how you build the framework surrounding confidence. Negative self-talk is a form of dialogue that you have within yourself, and it happens because it becomes a comfort zone that you end up living in And yes, it is very possible for you to have habits that you take comfort in, even when it's not good for you. So a good way to test whether or not you have negative self-talk is to think about how well you take a compliment. What are your immediate responses or the immediate thoughts that you typically go to? And then think about how you can root yourself in the word of God more so. Some of the tips that I left with you today is to continue reading the Bible, applying what you're learning into your life. Taking the time to look up words and understanding the context of the Bible is gonna help you tremendously as well. And. Don't be afraid to ask questions, It can be incredibly hard as you are building God such a confidence, but I know that you can do it because you can do hard things. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today. I had such a wonderful time. I cannot wait to meet you again next Wednesday. Right here on this podcast. Mamma. I hope that as you are inspired and uplifted, that you would show up at all the spaces and places ready to serve with a joyful heart. And yes, with confidence. Please take a moment to leave a review on apple podcasts. It would bring me so much joy hearing from you on top of that. If you want to connect even more, join the insider's list. I would love to continue helping you as you journey on in getting God centered confidence. The link to join the insider's list is going to be posted in the show notes.. All right, my friend, this is where we part ways. I hope you have a wonderful day. Go in peace.