113 | Feel Like You’re Failing as a Mom? You’re Not—Here’s What You Need to Hear

Hey Mama!!

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the cycle of mom guilt, constantly questioning if you’re doing enough or if you’re somehow messing it all up—you’re not alone. The truth is, you’re not failing. You’re learning, growing, and doing far better than you think.

In this episode, we’re unpacking how your mindset plays a powerful role in how you view yourself as a mom—and how God’s truth can shift the weight of guilt and self doubt. It's time you stop believing the lies mom guilt tricks you into thinking what's true about you. If you’re ready to ditch the guilt and embrace growth, this conversation is for you. Let’s invite God into the journey—and step into the freedom He has for you.

Key Takeaways

• The difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset—and why it matters in motherhood
• How negative self-talk feeds mom guilt and how to reframe it with biblical truth
• Practical, grace-filled ways to renew your mind daily and start living with peace and purpose. 

Related Episode(s):

110 | The Number 1 Mistake That's Hurting Your Confidence

101 | The Only Question To Ask When You're Wondering "Am I Good Enough?"

100 | Stop Searing For A Confidence Boost And Rewire Your Thoughts 

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FREE Community: https://bit.ly/buildingconfidenceforchristianmoms

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I'm excited to connect with you! Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

0:00

Have you ever considered that your mindset might be fueling your guilt more than your actual mistakes? We all mess up at some point. We're moms and it doesn't come with a manual that tells us what's right and wrong. And that can be hard because letting go of that mom guilt can be a lot harder than it seems. In today's conversation, I'm going to be talking about fixed mindset versus growth mindset. you might have heard this before, but today I really want you to ask yourself, which side am I on today? Let's dive in. Hey mama. Are you tired of the constant mom guilt and wondering if you're really enough? You know God has called you for more, but peace feels like it's just out of reach. I'm Caroline Thao, host of the Restore Mind, and I'm so glad you're here. This is your safe space to trade, overwhelmed for confidence, guilt for grace, and step into the freedom God has for you. Ready? Let's do this. My free community are full of mamas just like you, who are working to face the challenge of mom guilt. Let's be honest, mom guilt can spiral you out into so many directions that it creates space for you to second guess yourself. In my free community, we work together to challenge the lies that come with it. We're partnering with God in the process. We also give each other biblical encouragement and there are fun challenges within this group, and also the conversations in the group are just so fun and genuine. It's a community that truly thrives on the love of God, and I want to invite you to join us. The link to join is in the show notes, and I can't wait to see you there so that we can begin to walk this journey together. As a new mom, I made quite a few mistakes. Even now, I still make mistakes, but there was this particular time where my youngest was still a newborn, and it seemed like no matter what I did, she would always get this terrible diaper rash. It was so bad to the point where whenever she would pee, she'd actually cry out because it would hurt so much. I did everything I could to help from changing out diaper brands to trying new ointments, and it seemed like nothing worked. Luckily I had a few wins which was great because the rash would begin to go away and she would feel comfortable again, and then maybe in a week or two she would get that rash again. I even changed her diaper more frequently, thinking it was because I was letting her sit in soil diapers for too long. I stopped using wipes to clean her and resorted to warm soapy water just to make sure that the wipe was not rubbing up against her skin and causing even more of. An irritation. Honestly, it was a hot mess. I was frustrated because I knew she was uncomfortable and I felt so incredibly bad for not knowing how to ease her pain and her discomfort. But let me tell you, the mom guilt was so heavy at the time that I was actually crying with her. There is something so heartbreaking about newborn cries, especially when they're crying in agony, and it hurt my heart to be honest with you. This led me to actually talk negatively about myself, to myself, and I didn't know it then, but the way that I spoke to myself and what I thought of myself was ruining the precious newborn days with my youngest, and this had a lot to do with my mindset. See there are two mindset. One is fixed and the other one is growth. A fixed mindset is when you believe who you are, so your talents, your ability to parent, your patience level is unchangeable. And the things that I named are just a few examples, but it's really encompassing everything. You might find yourself saying things like, I'm just not a patient mom. Or No matter what I do, I always mess up. Or other moms have it together. And I don't, does that sound familiar to you? See, when you are in this mindset, you actually internalize your struggles and your thoughts. You might shut down and not take helpful feedback very well because you get defensive when someone is suggesting a new approach, which I know I definitely did that with my husband when he was trying to help find a solution to our youngest constant diaper rashes. It was definitely not my proudest moment. But getting easily annoyed and feeling like the effort is pointless is another way that you could be internalizing the struggle, especially in a fixed mindset. It is hard, my friend, to actually stay in a fixed mindset because if you think about it, it continues the cycle of self sabotage and that brings a lot of stress. There's low self-esteem that's involved in that, and there's a lot of negative things that just happens in this mindset if you stay in it. And by things I mean. Thoughts because you begin to believe these thoughts are true. So how do you make it easier? Well, we can take a look at the other side of the fixed mindset, which would be the growth mindset and begin to make changes along the way. A growth mindset is when you believe that you can learn and improve, and this mindset is going to be where you can begin to kick mom guilt to the curb and everything else that comes with it. Like second guessing yourself, doubting yourself, thinking you're not enough, all of it and so much more. Do not let it dictate your life as a mom, because it is a precious gift that we get to be mamas to our babies, so let's not take it for granted. A growth mindset is challenging in its own way because it requires you to ask hard questions and reflect on your behavior, your thoughts, and you have to begin to put actionable steps behind your wants. for example, you want to stop yelling at your kids That means that in order for that to happen. You have to be mindful of the situation and ask probing questions so that you can get a better understanding of their actions before you resort to yelling. And this can be hard to do because the habit of yelling has already been created. It's become a muscle memory, and what you're trying to do is you're trying to reverse it. So it's gonna be a hard habit to break, and it probably at the end of the day, doesn't make you feel good that you're yelling at your kids. When things calm down, you're probably thinking about what happened. And mom guilt begins to creep. in, and it's adding onto the weight that's already on your shoulder in a fixed mindset, you would probably tell yourself that you're a bad mom for yelling at them. You probably would say that you have no patience and that you don't have any control over your emotions because you're not a good person. A growth mindset would help you get into the habit of admitting where you fall short. So acknowledging that maybe yelling was not the best approach to the situation, and then asking questions like, what could be better? How can you improve to become a better mama? Where the automatic response is not yelling, but understanding this is going to help you. Take a look at your behavior, at your actions. It's going to help you acknowledge them and take responsibility for them. And then the the hardest part is making changes and allowing grace to happen. As you are working through these things, it's challenging in a way that actually requires you to dig deep. A growth mindset would say, this is hard, but I can learn from it. Or What could I have done different? How can I be better? I want to be better. It's the idea that you are telling yourself that you can grow from this. A great way to apply growth mindset or work towards that direction is to be reminded about what Paul says in Romans 12, two. Do not be conformed to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And we're gonna dig a little bit into the scripture here. But before I do that, I really want to preface this by saying that Paul wrote this and he was encouraging that we present our bodies as a living sacrifice that is holy and acceptable to God. And then he tells us that the reason why is because it is a spiritual worship to God. And then he says, do not be conformed to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind. And I think this is important to look at as a whole, because the way that we would honor God spiritually, or have the spiritual worship to God As a living sacrifice is to continually go back to him. To not be conformed or to fashion ourself that is with the world, but to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And how would you be able to do that? It would be to continuously go back to the word so that you can be reminded of who you are in Christ. See mama the lies that mom guilt ends up having. You believe that you're not enough and keeps you in a loop of self-doubt is not a good way of renewing and transforming your mind. It puts a chain on you to make you think that you are failing or maybe it keeps you second guessing whether you're doing the right or wrong thing. It kind of keeps you in this cycle of self-doubt and the longer that mom guilt continues to stay with you, it will actually magnify your flaws and it ends up making it all about you. Not that you're not loved or special to God or your loved ones, but. Because of those negative thoughts, you're blinded by only what the lies are telling you. However, you are so much more than your mistakes Mama, or whatever lies mom guilt has you believing. Jesus tells us, and in Matthew 1128, come to me all who labor in our heavy laden and I will give you rest and take that as an invitation for you to start letting go of mom guilt. Imagine for a moment, mom, guilt not existing in your world because you have been so transformed in your mind that you go to God's word to find what is true. Instead of allowing your mind to run wild with all of the what ifs, all of the should haves and could ofs, what would that look like for you? Working on growth mindset that is centered around transforming and renewing. The mind is not an overnight process. It is going to take a lot of intentional effort for you to uproot. What has probably been with you for quite some time, but you can start with reorganizing your mind by going from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. It's in how you're speaking to yourself. Episode 110, the number one mistake that's hurting your confidence speaks right into this. So I'll link it in the show notes for you. All right, so let me wrap up this conversation by asking you this. Are you living in a fixed or a growth mindset? Remember, a fixed mindset is when you believe who you are is completely unchangeable. And yes, it is hard to stay in this fixed mindset because it continues the cycle of self sabotage and that brings stress, low self-esteem, a lot of other negative things. If you decide to stay in this mindset. A growth mindset is when you believe that you can learn and improve. You can begin to kick mom guilt to the curb by digging deep and facing challenges or questions that helps you become better. It's the belief that you can grow and you can. Improve. I said earlier that it was hard to stay in a fixed mindset. It's also hard to work through a growth mindset because there are so many things that goes into that. There's accountability, personal changes that you need to make internally. But my friend, I know that you can do hard things. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today. I had such a wonderful time. I cannot wait to meet you again next Wednesday. Right here on this podcast. Mamma. I hope that as you are inspired and uplifted, that you would show up at all the spaces and places ready to serve with a joyful heart. And yes, with confidence. Please take a moment to leave a review on apple podcasts. It would bring me so much joy hearing from you on top of that. If you want to connect even more, join the insider's list. I would love to continue helping you as you journey on in getting God centered confidence. The link to join the insider's list is going to be posted in the show notes.. All right, my friend, this is where we part ways. I hope you have a wonderful day. Go in peace.