116 | Self-Care Without Guilt: Honoring God While Caring For Yourself

Hey Mama!

Ever feel like taking time for yourself means you're failing your family? What if self-care isn’t selfish, but actually essential?

In today’s episode, we’re exploring what it means to redefine self-care through a faith-filled lens—one that aligns with your calling as a mom and honors God in the process. Let’s break free from guilt, perfectionism, and the pressure to do it all, and instead embrace a mindset that allows you to care for yourself without compromise.

Your well-being matters—not just for you, but for the ones God has called you to care for. Tune in and be reminded that self-care done God’s way is not a luxury—it’s obedience. Ready? Let's dive in!

Biggest Takeaways:

• A biblical perspective on self-care as stewardship, not indulgence
• How to build rhythms of rest that renew your soul and sustain your purpose
• Practical ways to guard your heart against the distractions of vanity and comparison

Related Episode(s):

114 | Mom Guilt Is Lying To You: Replacing Fear With God's Truth

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I'm excited to connect with you! Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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Self care can feel selfish as a mom, especially when you are used to putting everyone else first. So when you finally choose to care for yourself, that sneaky mom, guilt voice creeps in and whispers you are being selfish. Does that sound familiar? Today, we're flipping the narrative. We're going to see how self-care can actually be a way to honor God, serve your family better, and grow deeper in your walk with him, all without getting tangled up in guilt or worldly pressure. Let's dive in..Hey mama. Are you tired of the constant mom guilt and wondering if you're really enough? You know God has called you for more, but peace feels like it's just out of reach. I'm Caroline Thao, host of the Restore Mind, and I'm so glad you're here. This is your safe space to trade, overwhelmed for confidence, guilt for grace, and step into the freedom God has for you. Ready? Let's do this. There have been countless times where I was searching for a community of women who were in similar seasons that I was in because I was looking for connection with mamas who just simply get it, and I wanted to be able to have a genuine friendship with these people. Something that is actually hard to do and not really talked about as an adult. That's why I've created my free community, and I want to invite you to join myself and the other incredible mamas who have partnered with God to challenge the lies. Mom Guild has many of us believing It's an incredible space for you to make new friends, have great conversation And grow your faith so that you can serve your family without the overwhelm. The link to join is in the show notes. Mama, I can't wait to see you there. Self care used to be a routine that I pride myself in when I was in my twenties. And as I became a mom, it got a lot harder for me to make time for myself. So what did I do as someone who has an all or nothing mentality and also struggles with a perfectionist mindset? I completely stopped my self-care routine. And guess what? That was not the answer either because I still found myself forcing this routine to happen. I didn't know how to find balance, and I certainly didn't know what true self-care looked like. I thought it was all about pampering sessions that included hair and nail appointments amongst so many other things. I actually remember feeling guilty for wanting to slip away for some me time. And on the other side of that, I remember feeling frustrated when I couldn't slip away. For some me time, it wasn't until I started redefining self-care that the voice of guilt started slowly diminishing, it helped me see it not as a luxury, but as a necessary way to refuel so that I could show up with joy, strength, and purpose for my family. And that shift made a huge difference. That's when I realized maybe the problems wasn't self-care itself, but how I saw it. Which brings me to my first point, and that is to look at self-care as stewardship. Stewarding means taking care of gifts. God has entrusted to you, including you. Yes, mama. Your body, mind, and soul are not separate from your calling. As a mom, they're a part of it. When you care for yourself, you're honoring the one who created you. And trust me, self-care God's way is a heck of a lot better than self-care any other way, especially the way that I was doing it. Now, you might not think about this often, but I really, really want you to hear me when I say this. You are a gift despite whatever struggles, whatever upbringing you had and the mistakes that you've made, honestly, none of it makes you any less of a beautiful gift. So if you have to pause and reflect on that for just a moment. As a mom who struggles with mom guilt, you often believe the lie that self-care is selfish. That taking time away from your family somehow means you're failing them. So when you finally do plan a moment for yourself, and it doesn't happen. It's understandable that you can begin to feel frustrated, disappointed, and maybe even invisible. It begins to feel like everyone else's needs comes first and yours don't really matter at all. and Sure as moms, you and I, we both know that life happens, kids get sick. Plans, change, emergencies, pop up. That's part of motherhood. I mean, technically speaking, that's all part of adulting, but that doesn't erase the disappointment of having made time for something important only to see it fall through. One powerful way to shift that narrative is to redefine what self-care looks like. For many of us, it's easy to think of self-care as peace and quiet, or the occasional pampering sessions once every few weeks. And while those things are great, may I offer you this mindset shift Since we're talking about stewarding and not spoiling, what if self-care wasn't about escape, but about sustainability? What if it wasn't about luxury to quote, earn, but a rhythm for you to maintain? When you start to see self-care as a way to refuel and remain emotionally, physically, and spiritually available for your families, it becomes faithful stewardship, not selfish, endurance. Self care does not mean that you're being selfish. It is the lie that many moms wrestle with, including myself, and it's the belief that if you say no, if you ask for help, or even if you take five minutes to rest, you're failing and you're falling behind on that never ending to-do list, and then that whisper of you're doing it all wrong, or you can't rest yet, you haven't finished everything. That voice is not from God. In fact, Jesus invites you to rest. And I'm not talking about physical rest like a nap though. I think we can all agree that those are helpful too. But what I mean is rest that comes from his presence. Remember that shift we just talked about, about reframing what self-care means that actually begins here with rest as the foundation. What if self care isn't about spa days or escaping your life, so to speak, but about creating a routine that will help sustain the peace that you're searching for when overwhelm comes crashing in? What if it's about opening your Bible instead of scrolling on your phone, admiring someone else's life? Because we've all done that at some point, right? Or maybe it's about. Instead of overthinking, you're taking a moment to lift those thoughts and feelings to God in conversation and being very intentional about being still, or even honestly, just allowing yourself to feel those emotions so that you can release it and lean into God to fill the gap for you. And finally, what if it's about finding the good, even in a messy home? As I'm talking to you, I'm thinking about this morning, at the time of this recording. My kids and I, we woke up late today, so I dropped the kids off late for school, and when I came back home. I saw the mess that was left behind. I had to take a deep breath. My living room looked like a tornado, went through it, and my kitchen, well, there were some messes for me to clean up there as well. It honestly left me feeling a little bit frustrated and angry because I knew that I was going to be behind in my schedule today. this moment just reminded me that the enemy, yes, the devil loves to twist things around and turn good things into shame and guilt. but sometimes. The guilt doesn't come from outside at all because we can be our own worst critics, and that internal battle steals the joy that's inside of you. It robs you of the rest that Jesus invites you to take, leading to more exhaustion that even pampering sessions won't truly satisfy. Jesus says in Matthew 1128, come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Did you catch that invitation? Mama, it is in the word come. He's really not suggesting it at all. It sounds like a command, right? He's telling you to bring it all to him. think of it like this labor speaks to the pressure that you're putting on yourself. So that includes all of the unrealistic expectations, the belief that you have to hold it all together on your own and so many other things. And then heavy laden refers to the burdens that other people place on you. So there might be expectations from family, social media or even church circles. And yes, I went there because that can happen as well. However, Jesus actually spoke out against the religious leaders during his time for doing just that, piling burdens on people's backs without lifting a finger. To help. You can find this in Matthew 23, where he tells the crowd and the disciples to observe whatever the scribes and Pharisees tell them, but not the works that they do. Then he goes on to say that they lay the burdens on people's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move with their finger, meaning they're not willing to help And he even went as far as saying that they do their deeds so that others can see I mean, Jesus was calling them out. Right. But it is such a good read, and if you haven't read it, I would highly recommend that you take a moment and read, the entirety of Chapter 23 in Matthew, because while it's. Talks about the Pharisees and the scribes. In a way, it made me also reflect on myself as well, on the pressure that I put on myself. And other people's expectation. So when Jesus says, come to me, yes, he's offering freedom from both the pressure you put on yourself and the weight other people might be placing on your shoulders. This means redefining self-care as more than just a bubble bath and spa days. When you consider self-care through this lens, when you stop seeing it as an indulgent and start seeing it as the very rhythm that keeps you aligned with God, meaning you're building habits to support this rhythm. That's when you experience the rest that renews, not just recharges, because true self-care doesn't just focus on yourself, it magnifies who he is. So when you begin building your self care on the foundation of rest. True rest, the kind that fills your soul. You start to see things differently. You're no longer chasing moments of escape, which I believe we've all been there, right at some point trying to escape. Hiding in the bathroom maybe, or in the pantry closet. And you're learning to live from a place of peace, But even with that foundation, there is something else we have to be careful of. And that is distraction. Because just as rest can refill you, distractions can easily drain you. And one of the biggest distractions, especially in today's world is the pull towards appearance. So I want you to guard against vanity and distraction. If I'm being honest, many mamas struggle with this as well. so if you're stuck in the distraction of appearances, you are not alone. I've even let outward appearances or the chase of perfection distract me from true self care and. What it really means, and I'll be honest, it is still something that I have to be mindful of, especially as I learn to embrace my body as it's changing throughout the years a way that I can't control it. And I'm being honest with you about this, because I know that it can be incredibly hard because when we focus too much on the external, we risk falling into the trap of idoltary idolizing how we look, our routines, or even how well we appear to have it all together. And I have fallen into all of those categories At one point, idolizing how I look in my outfit. I wanted to portray myself a certain way or look like I had it all together. I was so prideful in my routines that I've set that when. My routines were no longer working for me. I didn't know what to do, and I wanted to have this picture perfect outward appearance. Honestly, it caused so much more stress than I could ever have imagined. The world tells us that self-worth is measured by what we see in the mirror or the things that we do and have, but. God's good and awesome work reminds us that he looks at our hearts, and you can find this in one Samuel chapter 16, verse seven, it says, but the Lord said to Samuel, do not look on his appearance or on the height of his statue because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man see's, man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. And there you have it. I really like this because it sets a reminder that our outward appearances, whether it be our hair, nails, makeup, whatever it is that makes us feel put together, it doesn't tell the whole story because the heart in which the scripture is referred to is the person's spiritual life, including the emotions and the. Intention behind the reason why we're doing something. And so it just makes you want to ask yourself, at least, I hope it makes you want to ask yourself, what are the intentions I. Of my self-care routine? Is it something that brings me joy and peace, or is it something that I'm feeling frustrated about? And is this a time for me to reframe that mindset of what self-care could look like? Because Mama, I want to remind you that your value is not found and flawless. Skin perfect outfits, or even a Pinterest worthy routine, your value is found in Christ. And yes, it would be so good if we had all of these things, but if they're not there, then I want you to be able to have that peace of mind knowing that it's going to be okay. because our outward appearance is not as important as what's happening internally with us Now I really want to put this out there because I don't want it to sound like I'm totally against outward appearance. There is nothing wrong with pampering sessions. They absolutely have their time and place, and when they do happen, enjoy them mama. Don't let mom guilt stop you from taking those moments. But don't let it stop there either. The goal isn't just occasional comfort. It's sustainable care that keeps Jesus at the center. It means asking questions and reflecting on things that truly refuels you or what keeps your heart anchored and your mind at peace. A great way to do that is to start by shifting your focus and rooting yourself in truth by choosing practices or really habits that nurture your mind. Your heart and soul, not just your appearance. This might mean that you're spending time in the word instead of scrolling on social media when you wake up in the morning. Maybe it's about taking a couple of minutes to greet God by saying, good morning Lord, or thanking him for the rest that has been received. Maybe you're taking me up on my challenge and if you missed it, I will link that episode in the show notes. So guard your heart mama by remembering that beauty fades. As Proverbs 31 30 tells us, charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Not that you can't be charming or be beautiful. But the point is that your relationship with God matters. So much more than your looks, which just goes right back to one Samuels chapter 16, seven, the verse that I just read, right? Isn't that amazing how scripture is so consistent? as we're wrapping up, I want to just quickly recap this conversation because I know it was a lot. We touched on emotions and pain points that probably felt heavy in a way and also might have felt silly that this is a concern But I really truly wanted to have this conversation because I know that. We are struggling in silence with this. So, yes, maybe we touched on something that was really emotional or a pain point that really felt heavy to you. And if we did, I really do hope that this encouraged you. But to recap, the first point that we talked about was thinking of self-care as a way of stewarding, and one powerful way to shift that narrative is to redefine what self-care looks like. And then we talked about self-care does not mean being selfish. This is where we talked about Matthew 1128. So consider self-care through this lens of rest so that you can begin to actually reframe what self-care looks like. And then finally, we talked about the importance of guarding against vanity and distraction. A great way would be to start by shifting your focus and rooting yourself in truth by choosing practices or really habits that nurture your mind, heart, and soul, not just your appearance. and like I said earlier, there's nothing wrong with pampering sessions or to want to feel good externally, but to reframe your mind when it comes to self care is 100% worth it, especially when it's rooted in God. It can be hard to make this mindset shift, but Mama, I know and believe that you can do hard things. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today. I had such a wonderful time. I cannot wait to meet you again next Wednesday. Right here on this podcast. Mamma. I hope that as you are inspired and uplifted, that you would show up at all the spaces and places ready to serve with a joyful heart. And yes, with confidence. Please take a moment to leave a review on apple podcasts. It would bring me so much joy hearing from you on top of that. If you want to connect even more, join the insider's list. I would love to continue helping you as you journey on The link to join the insider's list is going to be posted in the show notes.. All right, my friend, this is where we part ways. I hope you have a wonderful day. Go in peace.