121 | The Hidden Cost Of Holding On To Mom Guilt—And How To Finally Let It Go

Hey Mama!

Are you tired of feeling like you have to earn your way out of mom guilt? In today’s episode of The Restored Mind, we explore the powerful, biblical truth that real freedom from mom guilt begins with forgiveness—not perfection.

If you’ve ever found yourself replaying mistakes, hiding failures, or striving to “make up” for moments you regret, this episode will give your heart and mind the freedom it’s been craving. It will help you create the mental and spiritual space needed to shift your mindset—and that is the key to breaking free from mom guilt.

Through biblical insight and encouragement, you’ll learn how to stop sweeping guilt under the rug and start walking in God’s grace with confidence.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• Why true forgiveness isn’t earned but received—and how it frees you emotionally and spiritually
• How misunderstanding forgiveness keeps many Christian moms stuck in cycles of shame and performance
• The freeing difference between conviction and condemning guilt—and how to quiet the voice of mom guilt for good

Whether you’re a new mom or years into motherhood, this episode will help you lead your kids in love, grow in your faith, and finally stop second-guessing if you’re enough. Let's journey trough this together! 

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I'm excited to connect with you! Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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Have you ever laid in bed replaying your day heart heavy with guilt, your mind racing the thoughts like, why can't I get it right? Why do I keep messing up? And it makes you feel bad. It makes you feel like you are a bad mom. But what if you haven't fully embraced what forgiveness really means? In today's episode, we're unpacking what biblical forgiveness actually looks like, and why is the foundation for quieting the voice of mom guilt that tries to keep you stuck? This isn't about pretending your mistakes don't matter. It's about learning to release the disappointment and walk in grace. Even if guilt has followed you for years, there's a way forward. Let's dive in..Hey mama. Are you tired of the constant mom guilt and wondering if you're really enough? You know God has called you for more, but peace feels like it's just out of reach. I'm Caroline Thao, host of the Restore Mind, and I'm so glad you're here. This is your safe space to trade, overwhelmed for confidence, guilt for grace, and step into the freedom God has for you. Ready? Let's do this. If you're tired of carrying that mom guilt and trying to do it all alone, my free online community is the perfect place for you to start. It's a grace filled space where you'll find encouragement and practical tools to help you quiet the voice of mom guilt, and begin being intentional in the lives of your kids and also in your business, or wherever you'll want to show up. In this community, we have challenges and they're from time to time, and we recently wrapped up our Grace over guilt challenge and honestly was so much fun. It was a five day challenge with. Simple ways for you to kick off summer with your kids while being intentional in your business and wherever you wanna show up, which was amazing because it didn't require a lot of work, so we didn't have to put a lot of effort into it knowing that summer has kicked off for us and we're just a little bit busier than normal. But also it was a great way for us to start building these small habits That we could take with us all throughout summer to help us feel like we're not fighting against our busy schedule, but truly being intentional and living in it. So if you're ready to stop surviving and to start thriving in motherhood and in your work, come join us. The link to join is in the show notes. Mama, I can't wait to see you there, and I know the moms in that group are gonna be so excited to meet you as well. Okay, so I'm gonna talk about something that I know all of us can relate to, and that is mistakes. I have made mistakes more than I would like to admit, honestly, as a new mom, and even now as a seasoned mom. Sometimes it's during the quiet moments with God, and other times it's in hard conversations with my kids when the weight of those mistakes hit me really, really hard. It's the conviction that stings and the guilt sometimes lingers, which is never a good thing. I mean, I've spent so many days wondering, why did God trust me with them? Because I look at my kids and I see how wonderful and loving they are and how much full of life and joy and fire they have and the things that they do. They really are just living life day by day without a worry in the world, which is amazing to see because as a mom, I worry about so many things. And I look at them and I think, why did God trust me with them? When I lose my patience, when I break a promise, which I have done in the past, and it doesn't feel good, it's actually hurting me right now to admit that. And also, I wonder why he trusts me with them when I respond in a way that makes me cringe later on as I think about how I've messed up as a mom, or even now as I'm talking to you because. They are cringeworthy moments that are popping up in my mind.'cause the thing is I try to love, well, I try to lead with excellence, and yet I still mess up even when my intentions are good. And for a long time that guilt became a constant companion, which I did not like and could not figure out why it kept lingering around. The longer it stayed, the harder it was for me to forgive myself,\ I honestly felt stuck and frustrated because the mom that I wanted to be wasn't the mom that I was living out, and that disappointed me. But here's what I've come to realize. Freedom for a mom guilt doesn't come from getting it all right? It actually comes from forgiveness. Real biblical forgiveness, and that's what we're diving into today.. But first, let's talk about what we think forgiveness is. See, we think forgiveness is forgetting, and sometimes we even believe that forgiveness is something we have to quote unquote earn back after we've quote unquote done better for a period of time. Right? So we give ourself a. Certain amount of time to do better, and then we think that somehow we've earned that forgiveness, but this actually keeps us chasing after perfection instead of striving for peace and living in grace, or even allowing us to grow within the mistakes that we've made. Or maybe we think it's only about God forgiving us, not something that we are invited to live out daily. And because of these misunderstandings, many mamas, much like myself, carry guilt that actually never really goes away. Instead of facing the heart issue, we end up sweeping it under the rug so we don't feel the pain from the mistakes. When my son was younger, I'd asked him to clean his room and for a while I thought he was doing a great job One day as I was picking up his toys. To put it in his toy chest. I realized it wasn't as full as it used to be, and I wonder where they went because I hadn't thrown anything out. So I started looking around and eventually I found toys underneath his bed. When I asked him why he did that, he shrugged and he didn't really have an answer. When I think about that, as I ask myself, why did God trust me with these kids, it makes me. Think about that moment because I'd realized that I do the same thing too. Not with toys, but with my mistakes. I hide them hoping no one will notice. I try to clean things up on the surface while avoiding the heart issue, and the problem is sweeping things under the rug, so to speak, doesn't make them go away. It just makes the rug lumpy and hard to walk on. The same goes for guilt. We can't just hide it and hope that it disappears. That's why understanding true forgiveness is so powerful. cause there's a deeper, more freeing truth about forgiveness that can actually quiet the voice of mom guilt. It's not about forgetting or earning peace, it's about receiving grace exactly where you are. So we're gonna talk about it. Forgiveness is a pardon So imagine this for a second. What if your bills were completely pardoned, forgiven, right? What if you didn't have any bills to pay anymore? Every single one of them, your mortgage, your car loan, your credit cards, all of it wiped clean. You don't have to worry about your bills, but you still get to keep your income. Now, as you are imagining this, can you just feel that weight being lifted off of you? What would you do with all that freedom? Would you plan a vacation that you've been putting off? Would you invest more into your kids' future? Would your stress levels go down? I know mine would, and I think I would travel a lot more too, honestly. Now take that same kind of relief and freedom that you feel right now, but instead of money, imagine forgiveness. What would it feel like to no longer carry the emotional debt of your mistakes? That's a deep question to ask, right? To have that guilt completely wiped clean, not ignored, not minimized, but pardoned. That's what biblical forgiveness does. It doesn't pretend that the debt doesn't exist. It just says it's paid for and you are free. So what are you gonna do with this freedom When you stop trying to prove that you're a good mom or stop trying to make up for your mistakes and start living from peace, forgiveness becomes the foundation. I. That you walk in because it brings you freedom and it gives you that peace to begin the process of forgiveness, it starts with honesty, and that can be hard to do because it might look like acknowledging a mistake or even just naming the weight that you feel for something that wasn't really your fault, and yet you still carry that responsibility anyway. Then it's about you choosing grace and not guilt as your starting point. You begin to live like someone who's already been covered by the blood of Jesus. You're not just trying to earn the forgiveness by working hard towards something, but you're actually walking in it. And that's not to minimize the hard work that you would be putting in to change from the inside out. I always come back to what Jesus said. He says, I am the way, the truth, and the life, right? And when I think about this, those words keep me grounded because no matter how messy motherhood feels, those words are consistent. They remind me of love, that set everything in motion from the beginning. God poured out, mercy and forgiveness was offered. And it can be hard for us to do that sometimes. One of the clearest pictures of that is Jesus on the cross. He said, father, forgive them for they know not what they do. You can find this in Luke chapter three, excuse Luke chapter 23, verse 34. And that kind of love is hard to wrap your mind around because in Matthew, he teaches us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. And in this time as he was on the cross, he was praying for his enemies who were persecuting him. Now, I don't know about you, but sometimes I can be my own worst enemy and it can be hard for me to pray for myself when I'm persecuting myself. And even then, forgiveness still applies when you understand forgiveness as. A gift you live from and not just something that you ask for, it changes how you respond to mom guilt because you're no longer going through motherhood from a place of disappointment or trying to quote unquote, make up for your mistakes, or you sweep things under the rug, as I talked about earlier. Instead, you begin to walk in peace, you have more confidence and grace just flows from you. It gives you the freedom to show up. Knowing that while there's still work to be done in you, because let's face it, all of us need to progress. We need work done in us. But as you begin to work and knowing that work still needs to be done in you, you don't have to carry the voice of guilt, questioning your every move and making you think or wonder if you're really enough because. Mama, let me tell you right now, in Christ, you are enough. Romans eight, one reminds us, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. That means there's no damnation, no eternal punishment, and the guilt that you've been carrying. It's time for you to let it go. Okay? There's this picture that my friend sent me a long time ago. I mean, she's a really, really good friend of mine to the point where she's practically my sister at this point. Now I forget the conversation that she and I had, but I know we were talking about Jesus because this picture was of a jail cell, but the perspective was from inside of that cell, and it was with the door open. Now it's been forever, so I can't remember verbatim what the words said, but it was something along the lines of, Jesus has already freed you, so what are you waiting for? Honestly, it blew my mind because the door was open, and yet I still chose to stay there because I felt like I was being locked up in my own unforgiveness or in my own trouble and baggage. And that was not the case at all. It was a picture that forever changed my perspective. Now, it took a while for me to finally gather up the courage and the bravery to walk out of that cell, but when I did, I realized that there was nothing keeping me in there in the first place. Because Jesus has already paid it all. I hope that that helps you and you know, the guilt that you've been carrying is not going to keep you in jail because Jesus has already set you free. Now, that's not to say that we're not going to ignore the mistakes that we made because we certainly do have to acknowledge it, and we certainly do need to take responsibility for it. But that responsibility is not in you punishing yourself, but it's in how you grow from here. That's the best way that you could honor your family, honor God with that. So the guilt is not meant to linger, but it does unfortunately, and it hurts, especially when we fall short. But the pain that you feel is not meant to punish you, especially when our intentions were good, but the outcome, it just didn't reflect that. And we all fall short at times too. But forgiveness lifts that weight. It frees you to breathe to reset, which is incredibly important, and to move forward in grace. And you get to have peace knowing that when you fall short, you have an opportunity to grow. And as you are growing, it only magnifies God's light even more, So remember, you're not aiming for a flawless day where everything is perfect and goes according to plan. You're not aiming for guilt proof decisions because let's face it, sometimes us mamas can lose our cool. We get overstimulated distracted by our phones and we struggle. And we become frustrated too, because that's part of our emotions. We are humans and we have feelings and emotions that we go through. Now, I'm not asking you to suppress all of these, but I am challenging you to. Go to God with the first and surrender it all to him, the good and the bad. Because I personally think if you can celebrate with God and the good, why would you not want to show him the bad? Because you know, that goes back into the story of my son putting his toys under his bed right when we. Present to God only the good things, and we hide the bad things. The truth is, it's not like he doesn't know. I believe he's just waiting for us to come to him first with this heavy feeling that we have. Forgiveness allows joy to show up in the middle of this messy thing we call life, and it allows you to lead your kids well to love and know God. When you root motherhood in forgiveness, mom, guilt's voice quiets down. Eventually it tries to make itself loud again. It'll come knocking, but you've got the power of God behind you. Remember, you don't have to prove that you're a good mom. You can simply be a good mom who's showing up. Learning and has peace. Knowing that she's covered by grace. Instead of letting guilt dictate your days, your mind, your moods and actions, you can start letting God's truth and his words guide your steps to quiet down the voice of mom guilt. Alright. All right, let's take a deep breath because. Today's conversation was a little heavier than usual. Honestly, forgiveness is not an easy topic, so I thank you so much for sticking with me through this conversation. It comes with a lot of layers and emotions because we, as moms go through so much and we hide a lot of things too because we're trying to quote unquote, hold it all together for our family. When you start to wrap your mind around the depth of God's love and the steps you're invited to take in response to that, it can honestly also feel overwhelming, but in the best way because while it's hard, it will lead you into a more peaceful place. So as you're taking it all in, I want to remind you of these truths. Forgiveness is not about earning your way back or hiding where you're falling short. It's not about minimizing mistakes or pretending that it didn't matter. True Biblical forgiveness is a pardon. It gives you peace and even encourages you to grow. When you see forgiveness this way, it changes everything because now you don't have to quote unquote, make up for your mistakes. You don't need to punish yourself either. Instead, you get to show up as a mom who is walking in real freedom with true peace. Now, I know it's hard, but you can do hard things. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today. I had such a wonderful time. I cannot wait to meet you again next Wednesday. Right here on this podcast. Mamma. I hope that as you are inspired and uplifted, that you would show up at all the spaces and places ready to serve with a joyful heart. And yes, with confidence. Please take a moment to leave a review on apple podcasts. It would bring me so much joy hearing from you If you want to connect even more, join the insider's list. I would love to continue helping you as you journey on the link to join the insider's list is going to be posted in the show notes.. All right, my friend, this is where we part ways. I hope you have a wonderful day. Go in peace.