122 | How To Forgive Yourself As A Mom And Let Go Of Guilt- For Good!

Hey Mama!

Have you ever felt like you're drowning in guilt over the way you reacted, the mistakes you made, or the expectations you didn’t meet as a mom? You're not alone! In this powerful episode of The Restored Mind Podcast, we dive deep into the emotional and spiritual weight of mom guilt—and the freedom that comes from walking in God’s forgiveness.

Discover the difference between guilt and grace, why forgiveness is more than a feeling, and how to practically respond when guilt tries to creep back in. If you're tired of replaying your mistakes and ready to embrace the peace that Christ offers, this conversation will refresh your spirit and renew your mind.

Whether you're a stay-at-home mom, work-from-home mom, or somewhere in between—this episode will encourage you to stop striving for perfection and start walking in the freedom Jesus already secured for you.

Key Takeaways:

• How to recognize the difference between guilt and forgiveness—and why it matters for your mindset and motherhood.
• Why grace is more powerful than guilt—and how to practically walk in daily forgiveness.
• How truth-filled confession and humble prayer help release the pressure of perfectionism.

Related Episode(s)

121 | The Hidden Cost Of Holding Onto Mom Guilt And How To Finally Let It Go

118 | Does Mom Guilt Ever Go Away? Honest Truth And A Biblical Way Forward

114 | Mom Guilt Is Lying To You: Replacing Fear With God's Truth

101 | The Only Question To Ask When You're Wondering "Am I enough?"

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I'm excited to connect with you! Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

0:03

You know, God forgives you, but what about when you keep replaying your failures in your mind? What about when you can't forgive yourself? In this episode, we're talking about how to actually walk in forgiveness, how to shift your thoughts and respond with truth when guilt shows up. Again, let's dive in..Hey mama. Are you tired of the constant mom guilt and wondering if you're really enough? You know God has called you for more, but peace feels like it's just out of reach. I'm Caroline Thao, host of the Restore Mind, and I'm so glad you're here. This is your safe space to trade, overwhelmed for confidence, guilt for grace, and step into the freedom God has for you. Ready? Let's do this. You love your kids deeply and you want to be fully present with them. You want to lead them well and raise them to know and to love God. But there's also a dream in your heart, a small business that you care about because it's meaningful to you, and somewhere in the middle of you leading your kids and working on your small business. Guilt is ringing louder than ever. You wonder if focusing on your business means you're falling short at home. You question whether you're doing enough, and the more that you try to balance it all, the more overwhelmed you feel. That's why I created my free online community, a space for Christian moms just like you, who are tired of the guilt, who are ready to ditch the pressure and are hungry for peace, so that they can lead their family well and work in their small business. Inside you'll find daily encouragement. We also have fun and simple challenges in there that really help you elevate these small habits that you create so that you can do both. It's very tangible and doable things, and of course there's biblical truth to help you let go of guilt and build habits that lead to lasting freedom, so as a mama who's been through it herself and still occasionally hears the voice of mom guilt, I can tell you that there is peace on the other side, and you don't have to choose between being a good mom and pursuing your passion. You can do both. So let's walk this out together. The link is in the show notes. Mama, I'll see you there. When I think about what it really means to forgive myself, My mind takes me back to my early to mid twenties. I was tired, overwhelmed, and if I'm being completely honest, silently angry. My husband was in the military and gone a lot, and I was home with my two oldest. Now, I loved them deeply. But I was exhausted in that season and I was craving adult interaction. Most days the only grownup conversation I had was a quick hello when I was talking to my neighbor or a brief chat with a cashier while I was running errands. Now, I remember one morning, like it was just yesterday, it was one of those chaotic, can't catch or break days. It seemed like there was something after another. See, I was in the shower one morning when my son came into the bathroom with a bloody nose and I jumped out, conditioner still in my hair and I wrapped a towel around my body and I was cleaning my son up. Soon afterwards, my daughter wakes up, scream crying because she had an explosion in her diaper, which I completely understand So I'm talking to her, trying to soothe her as I'm cleaning up my son and she's not hearing me. She's upset. So she's screamed, crying in the background. My son's panicking'cause he doesn't know what's going on with his nose. And then finally after I get him cleaned up, I turned over to my daughter and I start to clean her up. But lo and behold, she ends up peeing on the changing table. And she was still upset at this point, still crying, can't calm her down. So what I ended up doing was giving her a warm bath, and that ended up helping. It was soothing for her. She really enjoyed that. She got to play with water in the morning and then I nursed her, and then we just cleaned everything up. It was 10:00 AM before I even realized it, and I realized I never rinsed the conditioner out of my hair. The soap at this point had already dried on my skin, but I thought, okay, everything is calm now, so i'm just gonna hop back in the shower really quickly and. Right as I was about to dip my toe into the water, I heard crying again, and I just lost it. I was so frustrated. I stormed out of the bathroom and went over to my kids asking, what was it this time? What was going on? Why are they crying? And then it hit me. I had forgotten to give them breakfast. See, in the morning, I would nurse my daughter and then give her solids afterwards so that she could have something. By this time, her teeth was already coming in. She was still nursing,, And I would give them solids but in that moment, I felt crushed. I felt like a failure. I had raised my voice in frustration and guilt hit me like a wave. I thought, what kind of mom forgets breakfast? What kind of mom gets this angry? And even though I cried out to God in the quiet time that I had that day, I knew his forgiveness was real, but my mind hadn't yet accepted the forgiveness. I kept thinking, why can't I just do better? Why am I like this? It was like I believed grace emotionally, but I still thought I had to prove myself mentally. But the more I anchored myself in scripture and truth, the more my mind began to catch up. Because real transformation doesn't start with feelings. It starts with renewing our minds with the word of God. See guilt tells you that you're never going to quote, unquote get it right. It makes you feel like you have to punish yourself because of the mistakes you've made. When mom guilt's voice begins to get louder, you feel the weight of your mistakes or decisions on your shoulders and tell you from experience. It's never a lightweight. It always feels heavy, almost like it suffocates you. It puts pressure on you to chase after perfection meaning you feel like you have to do better consistently to make up for where you've messed up. Maybe you lose your temper and now you feel like you have to suppress your emotions. You've told yourself, I'm never going to get this angry again over something like this. But if I'm being honest with you, maybe in the moment it seems like a really doable thing because you feel guilty for lashing out, and that seems to be a quick answer to not feeling that type of guilt again. But realistically, it's probably not the most doable thing because anger is part of your human emotions. Now you can definitely work on self-control and work on removing, triggering thoughts to help you become slow to anger, but to suppress it is not the answer. To recognize guilt from forgiveness, you need to think about what your thoughts and emotions are as you reflect on what happened, because guilt sounds like this. It says I'm a bad mom. I'm lazy. I'm a hot mess. I'm always behind those and many other names you give yourself are the names that Mom Guilt gives you. It also minimizes the role and impact you make in your family's life. And it can sound like this. I'm just a stay at home mom. Which I have been guilty of saying on many occasion with the attitude of, I'm just a stay at home mom, meaning there's nothing I'm doing that's important, but that's a lie because what you're doing in your home as you lead your kids to love and know God well, as you set the example and model for them what it's like to work hard daily, to show up with joy and to love with compassion. That's a lot of work too, because kids will test your patience. I have done this on many occasions and even now as I am talking to you about it, but I have to stop myself in those moments to slow down so that I can immediately replace that with gratitude. Because while I am a stay at home mom, there are many other things that I do as well. Guilt also traps you into this false belief that if you choose to serve your family, you can't serve any place else. It makes you pick one or the other. And so you think if I take time to work on my business, I'm neglecting my kids. But that is a lie that mom guilt likes to implant in your mind. Guilt also fuels perfectionism and pressure, and it always makes you think that you're not doing enough and it keeps you overthinking in regret of your decisions and never letting you move forward. But see forgiveness. It gives you grace to grow. It says That moment doesn't define me. I probably messed up, but it doesn't tell me who I am. It shows me where I need to improve. it reminds you. And launches you into peace so that you can work from forgiveness and not from guilt. It reminds you that your identity is secure in Christ and not in your mistakes. I think about Cain and Abel from the Book of Genesis. Now, I'm not gonna read the entire chapter for you today, but I will give you a summary, a really brief summary, but I do highly recommend that you read it. Cain and Abel are sons of Adam and Eve, and Cain was a farmer. Abel is a shepherd. Now, God took favor of Abel's offering over Cain and it made Cain jealous. God saw this. So he asked Cain, why are you angry? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. It's desire is for you and must rule over it. Now I wanna pause here and just for a quick moment, highlight this verse, because. In the footnotes where it says its desire is for you, it also says to you, towards you and against you. And what it's talking about is sin. I think that's really important to highlight because it even goes further to explain how sin is never a good thing for us, but God tells him, you must rule over it. Meaning. It's a tangible, reachable thing. You are able to rule over it. Now while the brothers were out in the field. One day Cain kills Abel, and then God asks where Abel is at. And Cain responds by saying he doesn't know. And then he asks, am I my brother's keeper? But God confronts Cain and ends up cursing the ground that Cain was working on and then banishes him to be a restless wonderer. Cain then says, he'll leave, and whomever finds him will kill him, but God showed mercy because he marked Cain to protect him from being killed. and said, if anyone kills him, they will suffer Sevenfold. And the reason why I bring Cain and Abel up is because I wanna take a look at what happens between Cain and God as they have this conversation after the fact that he's already murdered his brother. God marks cane to protect him from being killed. And I think of that as the blood of Jesus over us. Over the fact that we have been saved because of Jesus and we are protected because of the blood of Jesus. Just like the mark that's on Cain. And how many times have we wanted to run away or to give up because we've made a mistake? But see, we were never meant to. Walk in perfection. We were meant to grow from our mistakes. As we come to learn and know more about God and who he is, our relationship with him dictates how we transform internally and that translates outwardly. So I think it's so important to see here that yes, it was unfortunate that this happened, but the mercy and grace of God still poured out over. Cain and it can still pour out over you. As a matter of fact, it already has. It's a matter of whether or not your mind and heart is willing to accept that. You might be asking, why does any of this matter? Because mama, even in our worst moments, God's mercy shows up but we have to choose to respond to it. We can let guilt define us, or we can let forgiveness transform us. Remember, you can't stop guilt from showing up, but you can speak God's truth and break free from it. So you can't stop guilt from showing up, but you can speak God's truth and response. You get to decide how you react when those thoughts try to take over and when you respond with truth, guilt lose its grip. Because if you don't replace the lies, mom guilt tries to plant lies like you're failing or you're not enough, or maybe it's you should have done better, you'll default back into shame, regret, and the pressure to. Do things perfectly. And that's not the most sustainable way for you to break free from guilt. One of my favorite ways to speak truth back is with honest confession and humble prayer, and trust me, this is a lot harder than it seems, but it is one of the best ways that I felt has helped me grow tremendously as a follower of Christ's, but also a mom. So for example, if I lose my temper, I start by apologizing to the person that I hurt, and it's not just a quick, sorry. I tried to name what I did and how it could have affected them. So I would say something like, I'm sorry, I raised my voice. I know that probably made you feel like you couldn't come to mommy and talk to me and it probably scared you. And that's not the kind of mom I want to be. And then I take it to God not to earn forgiveness, but to walk in it. It's a practice of repentance. I thank him for his grace and I acknowledge that when I did that, it was not sharing God's light with my kids. It was pushing them away. And then I thank him for his grace. I ask for healing over. The person that I hurt, so maybe it's my son or my daughters, and then I pray over my own heart that I would grow and be transformed by his spirit. And that kind of prayer, one full of truth, not performance. It shifts everything. But it's not easy because it requires honesty and humility. It means letting go of pride and control in choosing to let grace do what? Guilt never can. Which is to make you whole again and has been one of the hardest part of growing spiritually and breaking free from mom guilt, but has been worth it. And I'm also reminded as I'm talking to you about this, of Psalms 51 10, which says, create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a right. Spirit within me, there are times where I get so overwhelmed and overstimulated where I'm frustrated that I make it all about me and forget to go back to my creator to see what would be honoring and pleasing to him. So forgiveness isn't a one-time decision. It's a daily practice, and you have to be willing to choose it. Every single day because guilt often returns. It returns when we make a mistake when we are showing up as someone who we don't want to and our emotions take over. But because guilt returns often, and when it does, you need to choose again and again to walk in grace and forgiveness. So pause for a moment if you have to, and remind yourself of the gospel. You're forgiven, right? It's not because you got it all right or did anything to receive it, but because Jesus did it for you. He took on God's wrath so that you would not have to, and you get to choose forgiveness daily. You get to have the blood of Christ over you, just like God marked Cain. So in that moment, ask, am I responding to guilt or am I walking in grace? Now, I know that this was a lot to take in because forgiveness has. Such an emotional anchor to it. There's so much that goes on with it because as moms, we want to be the absolute best that we can for our kids. And sometimes it just doesn't come off that way. and as you begin to work on walking and forgiveness, you must first recognize the guilt. Think about what guilt's voice sounds like compared to what forgiveness sounds like. Because mom guilt can be repetitive and it can pop up at any moment. Don't forget to speak truth to yourself. When your mind begins to wander, tell yourself that God's grace is sufficient for this day. For this moment, as a matter of fact. And then take that and continue to choose Grace again and again. Pause and ask, am I responding to guilt or walking in grace? so Mama, what's one place you've been holding onto? Guilt. Where God's grace has already been given. I know it's hard to walk in forgiveness when the weight of motherhood feels so heavy at times, and you have these high expectations of yourself. But I know and believe that you can do hard things. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today. I had such a wonderful time. I cannot wait to meet you again next Wednesday. Right here on this podcast. Mamma. I hope that as you are inspired and uplifted, that you would show up at all the spaces and places ready to serve with a joyful heart. And yes, with confidence. Please take a moment to leave a review on apple podcasts. It would bring me so much joy hearing from you If you want to connect even more, join the insider's list. I would love to continue helping you as you journey on the link to join the insider's list is going to be posted in the show notes.. All right, my friend, this is where we part ways. I hope you have a wonderful day. Go in peace.