The Restored Mind | Mom Guilt, Self Doubt, Biblical Encouragement, Self Worth, Positive Mindset, Motherhood

127 | Tired Of Trying To Make Summer Perfect? How To Let Go Without Giving Up

• Caroline Thao

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This episode is part of the Summer Confidence Mini Series for the mom who's ready to stop just surviving summer—and start growing with her kids. Show up with intention and peace instead of pressure and guilt.

Hey Mama!

Are you exhausted from trying to create the "perfect" summer for your kids? In this episode of the Summer Confidence Mini Series, we dive into how perfectionism steals your joy and adds unnecessary pressure to your family time. Drawing wisdom from the biblical story of Mary and Martha, we explore how to shift from performance-based parenting to presence-focused connection. Discover practical strategies to create a "pressure-free zone" this summer, where meaningful memories can naturally unfold without the overwhelm. Learn how to intentionally make space for spontaneity and rest, helping both you and your children enjoy what truly matters this season.

Key Takeaways:

  •  Perfectionism shifts your focus from people to performance, robbing you of the joy of being present with your family.
  •  Create a "pressure-free zone" by examining your intentions and trimming your summer bucket list to reduce overwhelm.
  • Intentionally leave space in your schedule for unplanned moments, which often become the most treasured family memories.


✨ Join the Unplanned Joy Challenge this week and discover the freedom that comes when you let go of perfect summer expectations—linked in the show notes! ✨

Explore more from the Summer Confidence Mini Series:




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I'm excited to connect with you! Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13


Are you feeling overwhelmed by trying to create an exciting and awesome summer for your kids? You want those perfect memories, but your schedule is packed. Your nerves are fried, and somehow it still doesn't feel like enough. This episode is part of the Summer Confidence Mini Series, and today we're letting go of the pressure to do it all and learning how to show up. As the mom, we want to be full of peace and with clear intention. Hey, mama.--Tired of the constant guilt and wondering if you're getting it right. You are not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck. It's time to show up. As the mom you want to be and not the mom who's always drained and snapping at her family. Welcome to the Restored Mind Podcast. I'm your host, Caroline Thao, and this is your safe space to trade, constant overwhelm for meaningful connection and guilt for the precious moments ahead. Ready? Let's do this. Hey mama. I'd love to hear from you and feature your voice on the podcast. Do you have a question about motherhood, faith, or just want to share how the show has helped you? Well, now you can, and it's incredibly simple. Just tap the link at the top of the show notes. It opens up like you're texting a friend. And your message might be featured on an upcoming episode, so that's incredibly exciting. See, your stories and question are really what makes this community incredibly special. They often inspire future episodes as well. And while I can't reply directly through text, I'm truly excited to hear what is on your heart. If you need a response from me personally, please email me at hello@restoredmindllc.com. That's spelled out in the show notes for you in case you missed it. And mama, I can't wait to hear from you. I grew up in Georgia and after we got married, we moved far from family. My parents and our best friends would make time to visit us for the holidays and random weekends, which was nice. And while I loved having them, I have to admit, I got incredibly stressed before their arrival, and it wasn't really about hosting them at all. It was my preparation. That stressed me out. I would spend the entire week cleaning, doing laundry, and planning every meal for my parents' visit. I'd make special trips to the Asian store for snacks that they would enjoy, and because my dad loves to drink coffee in the mornings. I made sure I had purchased little pastries for him to enjoy and snack on as he was drinking his coffee. In my mind, everything had to be perfect, so once I cleaned the room, it needed to stay that way, which is completely unrealistic with a toddler. But I was convinced if anything was outta place, they would notice I wasn't just preparing for their visit. I was trying to create a Pinterest perfect home. By the time they arrived, I was exhausted and instead of eagerly anticipating time with people that I loved, I was staging a tiny apartment like it was a showing my obsession with a spotless house. Perfectly planned meals and empty laundry baskets made me frustrated and irritable. I completely missed the point of them coming to visit because what should have been a joyful reunion became stressful. Performances where I was too tired to actually enjoy their company. This perfectionist approach is exactly what I catch myself doing with summer plans, trying to craft picture perfect experiences while missing the simple joys that make summer special. So let's talk about that. Let's talk about how perfection steals your joy, and to paint a picture for you. I wanna focus on the story of Martha and Mary from the Bible. In Luke, We see that Jesus has entered a village and Martha welcomed him into her house. Martha has a sister named Mary who ends up sitting at Jesus' feet. Martha, however, was distracted and ends up asking Jesus if he even cares that she's the only one serving and asks for Jesus to tell Mary to help her. But Jesus responds in a way that we can all use as encouragement to pause and think about the intention behind our actions. Jesus says, Martha. Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her, and that came from Luke chapter 10, verse 42. The footnote for this verse, when it comes to the word necessary, clarifies that only one thing is necessary. So this makes me wonder what is absolutely necessary for you this summer. Is it performance or connection with your family? And when I say performance, I mean the act of doing things perfectly. See, perfectionism creates a never ending checklist that is impossible to complete. When you're trying to be the perfect mom and create the perfect summer experience, planning every activity, filling every day, making sure that everything is Instagram worthy, you end up exhausted and unable to fully enjoy any of it. So don't be like me and become exhausted before the fun even begins when you operate from a perfectionist mindset, you end up shifting your focus from the people who matters most to you, to being focused on only the outcome. Even though your intention is to focus on the people that matters most to you see, you get stuck in doing all of the quote unquote serving like Martha, and this what matters most. You can become consumed with how things look or the outcome rather than enjoying the time that's been given to you. And this leads you to do what I did preparing your home, or in this case, summer plans. Like it is a showing instead of actually preparing with the excitement to spend time with your family. Now I want to be clear. Serving others like Martha wanted to do isn't the problem? Her heart to serve Jesus was beautiful. The issue was that her focus on perfect service created a situation where she missed the whole point of Jesus's presence. Joy does not come from perfection. Perfection only keeps you stuck in frustration, and that can lead to you snapping at your family when you intended the moments to be fun and engaging. It's not about choosing between creating memories and enjoying them, but about being present in the moment. Just like Mary chose to be fully present with Jesus. So how can we begin to let go of this perfection and still be intentional with our summer without giving up? I think a great way of doing that would be to begin to let go of perfection bit by bit. It does not have to be an all or nothing journey, You can take bite-sized pieces So that you're able to adjust accordingly. A great thing to also do is notice When you're feeling overwhelmed by your own expectations, remind yourself of the reason why you wanted to spend time with your family. What was the point of the activity in the first place? What if the memories your children treasure most aren't the perfectly planned activities, but the moment when you were fully present with them? Maybe you feel overwhelmed because your calendar is full of summer activities. What would it look like for you to pick one or two things from that list and let go of the others so that everyone can decompress? How would that affect your mood or even the dynamics of your family? So now that we talked about how perfection steals your joy, let's talk about how it also adds pressure to your life Perfection is like a bad friend who influences us to do something we know we shouldn't be doing. It essentially pretends to help but actually adds pressure that we don't need for summer. Specifically, this pressure centers around the bucket list, so the things that you want to do this summer, trying to pack in educational activities, family trips, and weekend plans, all because we want to give our kids the quote unquote perfect summer experience. There's also the pressure of comparison. Seeing families summer and feeling inadequate, whether your schedule looks too empty or too full, and for many financial reasons, also add another layer of stress because you want to do everything, but maybe your finances are saying that you can't. I actually talk about this in episode 126 of the Summer Confidence Series, which I'll link in the description for you in case you missed it. So why do we put this pressure on ourselves? Well, it's because we love our kids and we want to give them the best experiences. There's the cultural norm. The summer should be special because our kids are home Monday through Friday instead of being at school all those days. And if your kids are homeschooled, your summer rhythm will look different, and that's completely okay. but we're all moms living different lives with unique family dynamics, and summer itself often feels like a limited time that we get to enjoy with our family. Right? So the pressure is on making summer the most awesome and entertainment filled season yet is exhausting. So how can we give them a great summer without burnout? Let's look at two things. First, examine your intention and ask where is this pressure coming from? Is it internal as in, am I trying to top last year's summer, or is it external? As in am I comparing myself to other families? The second is to evaluate that bucket list. If it's overflowing, what can you remove to reduce the overwhelm and financial stress once you understand your pressure source and trim your bucket list, you'll create what I call a pressure free zone. Your safe space to decompress without mom guilt. A great way to start with either of these is reflecting on your intention in evaluating your bucket list to set realistic expectations not every day needs to be exciting and filled with activities. Once you begin to gain an understanding of where your source or pressure is coming from and removing the items off your bucket list, you move into what I call the pressure free zone. And I'm going to share with you one of my favorite ways to remove this pressure and guilt, and that is simply by asking my kids what they want to do. It gives me permission to not overthink or even over plan I have three kids, so sometimes that means three very different activities are being thrown at me, but that's where priorities come in because I have to think about what our finances are going to allow for the moment. What is realistic in the time schedule that we have and what is actually doable. So once all the priorities are in place, we can then put the activity into a vote. And if there's two activities that we can do, out of the three, whichever one has the most vote wins. Sometimes that might mean that one person is the odd man out and we're going to just. Do that one activity, which is fine because they know that the next time we can do the next activity that they wanna do, which also doubles as a second hack. It gives two awesome benefits. So let the kids choose. Take your priorities and factor that in, let the kids vote and then whatever wins for that day is the activity that we are all doing. And then the next time, the second activity was what we'll do next, which saves me time and I don't have to plan. And it's amazing.? So what can actually happen when you begin to take that pressure off of you to make Summer more enjoyable? Let's start off by celebrating the fact that you will have room in your summer plans to take a breather, and it's not only great for you, but for your kids. They get to have downtime too. There was a time where my little family and I were out having a good time, and my youngest randomly requested to go home. I asked what she wanted to do at home and she simply said, I just wanna sit on my couch. And at first I thought that was a very silly response because we were all having fun. But as I thought about it more, I realized she was overstimulated and wanted a familiar space to decompress. And you know what that reminds me of? It reminds me that it is good to be still and rest in the midst of summer when everyone seems to be on the go. Slowing down helps you be grateful for the time, the season that you're in and for your family. Your family will naturally adapt to these calmer days and they'll gravitate towards what truly interests them. My daughters tap into the creative side while my son places video games or practices basketball. And this freedom to follow their natural interests isn't just good for them They get to do something that they enjoy as well. When you embrace this breathing room, you leave room for spontaneous activities to take place. If you are a planner, this might be hard for you. Trust me. I used to be such a book by book planner where I didn't want anything to detour my plans. And if I'm being honest, some of our favorite memories came from unplanned adventures. Remember Mary? Who chose to sit at Jesus' feet rather than rushing around, see, she understood something powerful. That presence matters more than perfection. And when we create space in our summer, we are making that same choice. Mary did. Choosing what Jesus called the good portion. We're saying that being present with our family matters more than checking everything off of our bucket list. See these adventures that we had, they weren't extravagant either. One summer, we went to the park after dinner and ended up getting ice cream at our local shop. I didn't realize how impactful it was until we went back to that same location when we took our dog to the vet and when they saw that shop, it sparked a memory for them. They brought up that summer night and how they enjoyed making me dizzy on the playground and remembered having ice cream afterwards. these unexpected moments of joy. Make me wonder how can we intentionally create more space for unexpected moments in our summer? The best way to have that quote unquote pressure free zone that I like to call it and allow space for spontaneous adventures is by intentionally leaving your calendar blank. If you are a scheduler, you could block out a specific time and label it as nothing day or maybe free time might be a better wording for you because. I know it took a while for me to start letting go of the planning and the scheduling, and when I didn't have anything on that calendar, it almost felt like I was being lazy, like I didn't. Have anything planned for the day, and it felt weird for me personally. Now that I have moved a little bit away from that, I prefer to have a general idea of what my day will look like and then let the day unfold as it comes. But I just don't want to tell you about this. I want you to experience it for yourself, which leads me right into my weekly challenge for you if you've been following the summer Confidence Mini series, with every episode that's released, I've given you a really fun challenge. So this one's not any different. This one here is called the Unplanned Joy Challenge, and here's your mission. You are going to set aside one day this week with no planned activities and simply follow what naturally unfolds whatever that day brings, notice the wins and capture those memories. I'll be doing this challenge right alongside you, and if you decide to take it on, I would love to hear how it went. Join my free online community linked in the show notes and let me know what your wins were for that day.. All right. As we are wrapping up, I'm just going to recap this episode for you really quickly. I want you to remember three things. One is that perfection steals your joy by focusing from people to performance, like Martha Missing Jesus's presence while Mary chose the good portion. And secondly, I want you to remember that we create unnecessary pressure by trying to make summer perfect. So examine where your intentions are coming from and trim your bucket list to create a pressure-free zone. And lastly, create space in your schedule, you make time for spontaneous moments that often become the most treasured memories. And Mama, I know that the temptation and the pressure. Of checking everything off. That bucket list can be hard, but I want you to enjoy your summer without giving up, and I know that you can do hard things. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today, mama. I had a lot of fun. I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on the podcast, and my prayer is that you'll show up in all the spaces of your life ready to serve with a joyful heart and with confidence. Until then, go in peace.