130 | The Hidden Struggle Moms Don't See Coming When Kids Start School

Hey Mama!

Is your little one starting kindergarten while you're feeling lost about your own identity? In this first episode of our Transition Mini-Series, we explore that powerful "Who am I now?" moment when your child steps into the classroom and you're left wondering what happens next in your own story. Join me as I unpack the identity shift, guilt, and emotions that come with this significant transition. Learn biblical wisdom and practical strategies to navigate back-to-school season with confidence while rediscovering who you are beyond motherhood.

Key Takeaways

• Your identity is evolving, not diminishing. Embrace this new season God has for both you and your child.
• Reclaim your God-given identity. Rediscover passions and gifts that have been waiting while you raised your children.
• Create intentional connections. Your outlook sets the emotional tone for how your child navigates this transition.

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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Sending your little one to kindergarten, but feeling lost yourself. Today we're unpacking that. Who am I now? Moment when your child steps into the classroom and you are left wondering what happens next in your own story. Welcome to the first episode of our transition mini series. Over the next four weeks, we'll be exploring how to navigate this back to school season with confidence from identity shifts to guilt, managing overwhelm, and, perfectionism, this is the place you're going to want to be, especially if you're wanting to break free from mom guilt. Now, speaking of finding your place, I've created a supportive home for moms just like you. My break free from Mom Guilt Community is where Christian moms gather to rediscover their identity beyond the carpool line. Inside you'll find biblical encouragement. Simple challenges that bring peace to your motherhood. And of course you're going to find other mamas who understand exactly what you're going through. So click on the link in the show notes to join us because I would love to welcome you personally and walk alongside you during the season of transition. Hey Mama. Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt. I'm Caroline Tao, helping Christian moms trade perfectionism for freedom and rest. Welcome to the Restored Mind, where Biblical wisdom meets practical strategies for becoming the mom You've always wanted to be ready. Let's do this. When my kids started kindergarten, I remember feeling nervous. I mean, if I'm being honest, I think I was actually more nervous than they were. Even the days leading up to the first day of school. I remember being sad that my little babies were going to be in a classroom for the first time, that they wouldn't be near me and. I had this irrational fear that they would no longer need me. I felt like I would be forgotten about. I know pretty irrational, right? But I could not help my mind going straight into the thought that I would be forgotten about because we had spent the first four to five years of their life with each other. And within those years I was their entire world. And now that was going to change. I still remember the exact moment I realized my identity was changing. My oldest daughter was starting kindergarten and on just the second day, Her tiny little voice said, mom, you can wait in the car. I want to walk to class by myself. I thought, absolutely not little lady, but I also didn't wanna take the independence that she really wanted away from her. So of course I let her go to class by herself. And that moment honestly shook me to my core because. As I looked back into the rear view mirror at my youngest daughter, who was not old enough to start school at the time, I just knew that there was gonna be a day where she would start as well, and I wasn't ready because I started thinking about who I am without a baby attached to my hip. And so suddenly I began to feel guilt just well up inside of me. I was so full of guilt, feeling so bad, and I thought, is this my punishment for the lack of patience that I had with them when they were younger? And for me, wishing all of those hard years away where I was lacking sleep, lacking patience, and I didn't know how to be the mom that I wanted to be. So all of a sudden, as my daughter's walking to class and I'm watching her leave, I had no clue who I was without my babies attached to me. And it was not a good feeling. But this feeling of identity shift isn't just about kindergarten, it's about transition we face as moms, and that's why I created this special four part series to help you navigate back to school season and all the changes it brings, So where can we start when we begin to ask the question, who am I without a baby attached to my hips? The first step is acknowledging that your identity as a mom is evolving, not diminishing. You are a forever mom, and your role changes as your children grow when they're home with you, changes happen gradually, but school represents a big sudden shift that's more noticeable and this often triggers the negative self-talk, like when I thought I was being punished for wishing the years away. This transition is especially challenging because for the first four to five years, everything you did included them, and so they were your entire world. And when they go to school and you're watching them walk away from you, it makes it a lot harder to let them go. But I've said this a lot in previous podcast episodes, and I'll continue to shout it from the mountaintops and sprinkle it throughout future episodes, but I want you to hear me when I say this. Your inner dialogue plays a huge role in your mindset and how you navigate this transition. When you acknowledge that transition is happening,. it is going to be way easier to process what is actually happening. Take it from a fellow mama and don't be like me. Don't fight to keep everything the same because that is going to cause you a lot of grief. You'll find yourself wrestling with guilt and thoughts that are not particularly true, and you'll begin to feel like you're being left behind in that. They don't care about you because now they're making new friends and discovering life without you, which by the way, are all untrue. Okay? You are still needed just differently, so. The intense season of physical attachment is transitioning, and we as mamas need to find strength in ourself as we learn to embrace this change and let our children grow a healthy sense of independence. So yes, while I really wanted to tell my daughter, No, you can't walk yourself to class. I had to let her go so that she could grow that healthy independence and. You know, it broke me. But as I'm talking about this change and thinking about it, my mind continues to keep going back to Solomon and what he says in Ecclesiastes, because he says, for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven. You can find this in Ecclesiastes chapter three verse one, but the reason my mind goes to that is because God designed life to have seasons. We cannot escape it or hold on to time and fight against them because it's only gonna bring us unnecessary pain. So when those thoughts of punishment, or who am I now arise? Try this simple reframing technique. The first step is to notice the thought without judgment and then intentionally replace it with truth alternative. So you might, instead of saying, I'm being punished because I wished all the guilt away, and that's why I'm feeling this way. Instead you would say, this isn't punish. This is a new season God has for me and he will see me through it because there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven. It not only shifts your focus into the present moment, but also anchors your faith in Him and sets your eyes on him. So now that we've acknowledged this identity shift is happening, let's move to the next step. Reclaiming your God-given identity and that extends beyond motherhood. And while your role is a mom. You are still a child of God with a mission for the Lord's Kingdom. So we as moms, we take our role as the mom. Seriously. Right? We love that. It's such a huge blessing that we get to be moms and as moms, most of us have pressed pause on our intentional interest, our hobbies and dreams while raising our kids. Everything gradually became about them, and for good reason, because there are babies. We want to give them the best. We want to create as many memories as we can with them. But during the season of transition, let's answer the question of who am I without a baby attached to my hip? And remember that your identity in Christ extends beyond your role as a mom. So I want you to remember that God created you with unique gifts and passions that have been there, honestly, all along, just waiting to be rediscovered or maybe something new has piqued your interest. And this is gonna be a great time for you to explore those interests. So I have just recently referenced Ecclesiastes and I honestly encourage you to read Chapter three verse one through eight, and take your time with it. I'm being serious. Pause after every stanza and just let it soak in. It is such a beautiful reminder because Ecclesiastes three reminds us for everything. There is a season and a time for every matter under heaven, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. And these words of wisdom from Solomon reminds us that life naturally flows. Through different phases. This transition to school is simply a new season God has for both you and your child as they start the school year. And so as you are slowly reading Ecclesiastes, I hope that your eyes are set on the Lord, and it reminds you of his goodness that God's timing is perfect, even when we feel like time has flown by way too fast or is going way too slow. Seasons come and go and whether or not we're ready for them, it's going to happen. And let me tell you. Wrestling with this change is not easy because I found myself caught up in thoughts about how fast time has gone and how I had taken it for granted, and that was really the spark of the guilt that I was carrying for quite some time. But this passage slowed me down when I paused after every stanza because it forced me to slow my mind down. And when I did that, I was reminded of how precious life is and how much more we can get out of it when we become intentional instead of resisting. So yes, I was sad that my daughter didn't want me to walk her to class, that she wanted this independence that I wasn't quite ready to give her. But the beauty of it is that. She was so confident and so sure, and she carried the light of the Lord with her. So she was fine. It was me who was not fine. And honestly, mama, reclaiming your God-given identity is not selfish. It's stewardship. It's stewardship of the gifts that he's given you beyond motherhood, so during this transition. Make time to revisit forgotten passions. You might find that you had loved it so much at one point, or that you probably moved on with something else, and it doesn't give you that same spark like it used to. Reconnect with friends or explore new interests that you've placed on your list of things to do when you have the time, because now is the time. Again, God's timing is. Perfect. So rediscover who you are and don't be afraid to partner with God in the process.'cause you might have forgotten who you are outside of being a mom, but our heavenly father hasn't. So invite him into this space in this time. And so how does all of this come together in one seamless way? Well, we're going to bridge both worlds together, which means developing practical strategies that honor both your evolving identity and your child's growing independence. This is about creating a healthy balance where you can process your own emotions while still showing up as the supportive parent your child needs during this transition because the thoughts that they might not need you anymore. That one is a straight up. Lie. Okay. Your children still need you. So rather than separating these experiences, like keeping your identity struggles separate from your parenting, we're looking for integration. Because this isn't about choosing between your needs and theirs, but rather finding the beautiful overlap where both can thrive. And that's. The beauty of being in a relationship with Christ because everything bleeds and comes from him, and so when we can mesh all of this together, it just means we have less things to worry about. We don't have to worry about managing the world where we are struggling with our identities and the world where we're trying to give them their independence. No, we can let it go and blend the two together, your relationship with God, bleeding into how you mother, how you see things in life with your parenting and. Your child's growths and their needs as well. But at the end of the day, all is well because we have our Lord and Savior because we have a loving father. So even though they are exploring this new season, their outlook is going to depend on you. Mama. Because you set the pace, the mindset, and the emotion behind all of these changes. When my youngest started kindergarten last year, she cried every single morning when I dropped her off at the door. And as a mom, I wanted to cry too, because I was sad that she was sad, but I knew if I cried, it would probably make her panic even more, and the anxiety and the nervousness would actually be magnified within her. So instead, I took her hand and I told her that she didn't need to be extremely brave. So if she cried while she was in class, it was okay. But if she was a little bit braver each day, it would eventually add up over time. And before she knew it, she would be excited and very brave to go into a classroom by herself. And you know what? It also helped that her teacher had them on a routine. So she knew after a certain activity she would be cleaning up, and then she looked forward to seeing me as I picked her up from school, which was great. So as you're bridging both worlds, what are some practical steps that you can take? The word connection comes to mind. Create a new time and space for you to reconnect with your children after school by spending maybe 15 minutes asking them not only how their day was, but digging into the things that they're telling you, My daughter used to tell me that every Monday she would have to write current event papers for what happened over the weekend, And she would share with me some of the things that stuck out to her over the weekend,, which were things that I didn't quite think about in passing. But I loved it that she would pick up on these small, little detailed things. And it was also a really good conversation to have too. And of course, my other two kids would get involved, and then we would just kind of go around talking about what our day was like and what we did. It got to the point where my kids asked me what I did in my day, and you know what? That honestly kept me accountable to follow through with my plans while they were in school, because then I had something to tell them when we met up again after school, instead of just wasting the day. Other ways that you can process through your emotions is to connect with other mamas who have gone through or is still going through similar transitions. It's a great way to build friendship and to get support from a community of people who. Understand and if you could use that right now in your motherhood journey. Mama, don't forget about my free online community. It's linked in the show notes for you. So as we wrap up today's episode on this hidden struggle of motherhood, let's remember these three truths that will help you navigate this transition with confidence, leaving guilt behind, and embracing this new season. First, remember to acknowledge that your identity is evolving and not diminishing. Embrace this new season, mama, instead of fighting it. To avoid this unnecessary grief that I went through because I 100% don't recommend it. Get off that struggle buss. And then secondly, reclaim your God-given identity beyond motherhood. Rediscover your passions and gifts that have been waiting for you while you raised your children. And of course, we just talked about bridging both worlds by creating strategies that honor your ever evolving identity, while supporting your child's growth. Independence through intentional reconnection. All right, mama. I know that you've got this because you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.