134 | Think You’re Failing as a Mom? You Might Be Leading Better Than You Think

Hey Mama!

Have you ever felt like you’re failing because you can’t keep everything under control? The truth is, leadership in motherhood was never about control—it’s about influence rooted in love, integrity, and grace. In this episode of The Restored Mind Podcast, we’re redefining what real leadership looks like for Christian moms and how you can walk in confidence without the pressure of perfection.

Through biblical wisdom and simple, practical habits, you’ll learn how to lead your family with peace instead of pressure, faith instead of fear, and freedom instead of guilt.

 Key Takeaways:

• Why leadership in motherhood is not about control or perfection, but about modeling grace and humility.
• How your daily influence—through patience, prayer, and presence—shapes your children more than perfect routines ever could.
• Practical faith-based habits to help you lead with love, integrity, and freedom in everyday moments.

If you’re tired of trying to keep everything under control and want to step into the grace-filled leadership God has entrusted you with as a mom, this episode will give you the encouragement and tools to do just that.

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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Have you ever felt like you're failing because you can't keep everything under control? What if I told you leadership and motherhood was never about control to begin with? In this episode, we're debunking the myth that leadership beats having it all together and showing you what it really looks like to lead your family with love, integrity, and grace. You're leading more than you realize. Mama. As a stay at home mom, I never saw myself as a leader until I was struggling with mom guilt, wanting more, but feeling like I could never do enough. I became desperate for community that would help me grow my faith while raising my children, and that's why I created the Break Free from Mom Guilt. Community where Christian moms live out their faith in motherhood and embrace their calling as leaders in their homes. Mama, are you ready to see yourself as the leader you already are? Go ahead and click the link in the show notes to join us. See you there. Hey Mama. Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt. I'm Caroline Tao, helping Christian moms trade perfectionism for freedom and rest. Welcome to the Restored Mind, where Biblical wisdom meets practical strategies for becoming the mom You've always wanted to be ready. Let's do this. When I was in college, I worked at a clothing retail store as an associate, but throughout my time there I was promoted into different leadership positions. And the thing is I was excited to be looked at as someone who is considered trustworthy and responsible. There was a sense of pride that I had that I was so proud that all of my dedication to show that I was a team player was finally paying off. But as I sat in some of these roles, there came times where being a leader was not so fun. Like when I would be correcting new associates based off store policy, talking to associates about attendance and then also dealing with angry customers. Those were the absolute. Worse. And of course there were many other things, but those are just to name a few. Now, I wish I could say that I led with grace and humility, but I did not do that. Quite the opposite actually, from my understanding, one of the newer girls. That got hired, quit shortly after she joined the team. Because of me now, I don't think that I ever found out what I said or what I did that caused her to leave. I just remember someone telling me, she said she quit because I was rude and she didn't like me. And I remember feeling bad that I gave off such a horrible first impression to someone that I barely knew. So years go by and when I become a mom, that memory came rushing back, not the working at the retail store, but the feeling that I might have led harshly or without grace. I found myself replaying what I might have said or what I might have done, trying to make sense of it, but that moment for me, honestly, was a turning point because I'd realized that I don't want to lead that way anymore. I wanted to lead with love and integrity, not just with authority or with control. And motherhood showed me that kind of leadership. It taught me that leadership isn't about perfection or having all of the answers. It's about influence that's rooted in grace with patience and practicing humility. So let's start by debunking the biggest myth about leadership. The idea that it equals control because leadership is not about control. Yes, as a mom you do have responsibilities, and that requires you being in control of some things. But believing that leadership equals total control, puts pressure on you to hold everything together. And when something goes wrong, as it always will, you start to believe that you're failing. And that's where burnout, frustration, and mom guilt begins. You try to do everything right because you care deeply about your family and rightfully so. You contend to over prepare, you overthink, and try to keep everyone happy. So that can also be overwhelming as well. And there was a time where I loved to do planned birthday parties for my kids, but it also was a thorn at my side because I picked a theme that would be based off their interest at that. Age that they were at. And then I would stress over the decorations and especially the menu because I was so worried about who was going to like what, or ask myself questions. Well, what if someone doesn't like this protein or that dish? And it was a lot of pressure that I was putting on myself because I really wanted this birthday party to be perfect and I wanted everyone to enjoy the day. But when small things went wrong, I actually spent more time obsessing over the imperfections than actually enjoying the day. And guess what? No one even noticed the details that I stressed over. Everyone was too busy laughing, playing, and simply just being together, and I missed out on that because I was so worried about the decorations or the food, or something else that might've gone wrong. Now, it honestly took me a couple birthdays for this to finally click, but when it did, the pressure was no longer there, and what clicked was that I wasn't failing. I was just carrying a version of leadership that I assumed through worldly thinking that I needed to be in control. So if leadership isn't about controlling everything, then what expectations or ideas about leading have been weighing you down without you even realizing? So let's talk about what leadership looks like, because. It doesn't look like perfection, if you believe that leadership means having everything just right all the time, you'll constantly feel like you're falling short. You start believing that if you were a quote unquote better mom, your home, your kids or your emotions would all be under control. Now, I used to think that successful parenting meant that my kids would never have a meltdown. Silly, right? This was before I became a mom. So when my toddler had a complete meltdown at a pizza restaurant, I remember looking over at these two couples who looked really annoyed that there was a toddler screaming and crying because he was simply hungry. And I just remember feeling so bad because I could not control what was happening in that moment. and I remember. Being mortified and. Embarrassed and feeling like I was failing somehow like it was my fault and I thought maybe I should have just brought a snack. Maybe I should have fed him sooner. And it was really a lot of what ifs because I was. So embarrassed that my son was throwing a tantrum in this restaurant, and the couple across from us were really not enjoying the moment. It seems like their date was ruined, I was just so focused on getting him to stop crying, that I completely missed what was actually needed, which was a moment for me to remind myself. Self that these things that were happening were out of my control, but then also remembering that I needed to respond with patience I felt myself rushing and running out of patience for the food that was coming out. My son was going to be crying no matter what anyway, but see, real leadership isn't about. Having perfectly behaved kids or a spotless home, if that is a thing for you as it is for me. I know that I can get pretty uneasy when someone comes over unannounced because I haven't had the time to tidy my home and make it look presentable to them when they come over. Leadership also isn't about pretending you're okay when you're overwhelmed. Real leadership comes from how you respond when things go wrong with grace and with patience and the humility to learn as you continue to grow in this leadership role. So, if it doesn't look like perfection or how we want to present our image, then what does it actually look like? What kind of leadership brings peace instead of pressure? Let's talk about that because your influence as a mom is not based on how perfect your plans are or how spotless your home is. It's shaped by who you are, especially in the moments when things don't go as planned. Now, even if you don't feel like a leader, the truth is you're leading every single day. Your kids are watching not to judge but to learn. They watch how you respond when you're frustrated, how you treat others when you're running on empty, and how you talk about yourself when something goes wrong, and I have three kids from the ages of six and 10, and they're still observing even to this day. As a matter of fact, my youngest one, she's so observant and inquisitive, she will ask me about my frustration or my anger Which can get uncomfortable because it not only makes me pause, but it makes me think about how I reacted, how I led by example, and then also what needs to change. Real leadership in motherhood isn't loud or bossy. It's quiet and consistent. It's in the prayers that you whisper as you are in your quiet time, that you pray over your kids before you wake them up. For a school day, or even with them during bedtime. It's also in the hugs that you give them after hard conversations or the assurance that even if you were upset with them, you still love them anyway, it's also about the humility to say I was wrong. Apologizing when necessary, and then gathering the courage to just try again. See, not so long ago, we planned this trip to Great Wolf Lodge and my kids were counting down the dates because they were so excited. But on our way, our car broke down in a Chick-fil-A drive-through, and yes, literally we were the ones that stopped traffic that day, which was also kind of embarrassing, but it couldn't be helped. Anyway, what was supposed to be a fun Monday turn into this long hot day at an auto shop, and we tried to make the best of it by. Going to stores that were nearby and having lunch. But that did not stop the repeated questions of how much longer is it gonna take, and are we almost done here? Those were the repeated questions that we could not stop from coming. But they also got to see something else that day they watched. My husband and I navigate the unexpected. They also witnessed us revising plans and staying calm under pressure. Even when we were disappointed too, because it's not like we wanted to be there, That day didn't go as we planned it, but maybe it went exactly how God planned because our kids didn't just get a vacation. They got to see real leadership in action. Real teamwork with flexibility, grace, patience, and love. Now that we've redefined what real leadership looks like, let's talk about how you can live this out in the middle of your actual everyday life, even when it gets messy because it's going to happen. I have a couple of simple habits that you can start today, and the first one I'm gonna talk about is to start your day. With prayer. It doesn't have to be long or even fancy. Just be honest. In this prayer, you can say something like, Lord, thank you for the rest that I've received. Help me lead with love today, and pause after you say that prayer or any prayer for that matter, and think about what you've said. Align your heart and your mind to think about what it would be like, for example, to lead with love and not love from what you think love is, but a reflection of God's love. And then the second one on the simple habits that you can start today is to check in with God throughout the day because mama, there is no limit to how many times a day you can go to God. Keep returning to him. As needed. When you're frustrated or when you just feel the need to control things that are outta your control, let him know you need him in this moment. I'll say something like, Lord, help me remember the peace that you give. And that's it. I just take a moment, take a deep breath and pause right there, and think about the peace that God delivers. And then you can also take a moment to be present with your kids as a way to create these simple habits. It's mainly just watching them, observing them, how they laugh, how they love on the things that they love, and the people around them. Sometimes just observing their joy resets your heart. And isn't it funny and interesting how they end up teaching us more than we can teach them. It's almost like they are God's little messengers, right? Reminding us to be a little kinder, a little patient to be in the moment, a little while longer than rushing onto the next thing. And then the last one I have here for you today, mama, is to celebrate one win at the end of the day. So before bed. Thank God. For even one small win that could be a kind word that someone said to you or a prayer that you said earlier on in the morning or throughout the day and it just stuck with you, but it also gave you some clarity and rest. Like the weight was just lifted off your shoulder as you started thinking about the peace of God, and then thank him for that. Or it could just be that you're celebrating, that you had a chance to reset your attitude when you noticed it was going downhill that day. But all of these things points us back to God, and it's the small faith that matters because it builds on top of one another. So as we wrap up this episode today, I hope that you are thinking about leadership in a completely different way as you are in your motherhood journey. I want you to remember That leadership in motherhood is not about having control over everything, and it's also not about being perfect or keeping up with any appearances. It's about. Influence, rooted in love modeled through integrity. And so now that you know what real leadership looks like, here's how you can start living it out because I challenge you this week to try just one of the simple habits that we talked about today. Just one, because it's time for you to show up as the mom you want to be. And if you try any of these simple habits that I shared with you,. Come and tell me how that went for you. I would love to know. You can do that by joining the free online community. It's gonna be linked in the show notes for you and mama, remember that as you're leading your kids, you're going to make mistakes, but it's not about perfection. And yes, it can be hard, but you can hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.