135 | Letting Go of Mom Guilt: Forgive Yourself the Way God Forgives You

Hey Mama!

Feeling weighed down by mom guilt after snapping at your kids or shutting down when you’re overstimulated? In this episode, I walk you through  Biblical and practical paths to self-forgiveness so you can find peace for your mind and heart. Discover how to stop replaying mistakes, receive God’s grace, and live out real change at home. I’ll cover confession without shame, embracing Christ’s finished work, and modeling transformation so your kids learn grace by watching you.

If you’ve been wondering how to forgive yourself as a mom or you’re craving Biblical encouragement for moms, this episode will show you how Christian moms are overcoming guilt with God’s truth. If you’re ready to trade perfectionism for freedom and rest in motherhood, this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways:

• Confess, don’t conceal: Naming your sin before God aligns your heart with truth and opens the door to freedom
• Receive grace fully: In Christ, you are forgiven. Don't dwell on the past as punishment, live in the freedom of His forgiveness
•  Walk out transformation: Apologize, repair, and choose small, consistent changes so your kids see the gospel in action at home

More FREE Resources:

FREE Community: Break Free From Mom Guilt

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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Ever had that not so proud mom moment? You know, the time where you snapped at your child, or you just secretly wished that they would stop bothering you because you're overstimulated and then you feel bad because now you think you're being a bad mom. But you know what? It happens. And that is why today we are talking about self-forgiveness God's way. If you're ready to find peace for your mind and heart, this one is for you. Overstimulation doesn't always bring out the best in us Mama. I have to be honest and say that because I have been there and you know what? Sometimes we just need someone in our corner to say, Hey, it's okay. And. And then cheer us on as we get back up and get back into the ring. That's why I created my free online community. Break Free From Mom Guilt, a place where Christian moms can celebrate their wins, grow in faith, and get simple, practical steps to becoming the mom they've always wanted to be. Click the link in the show notes to join us. I can't wait to see you there and give you this really big, much deserved warm welcome. Hey Mama. Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt. I'm Caroline Tao, helping Christian moms trade perfectionism for freedom and rest. Welcome to the Restored Mind, where Biblical wisdom meets practical strategies for becoming the mom You've always wanted to be ready. Let's do this. Okay. I have to tell you all something, I don't know what it is, but I have been battling this congestion in my nose for a week now, and I don't know what's going on. I don't have a fever. My body's okay. It's just. Hard for me to talk because my nose is congested. So if I come across the mic as a heavy breather this week, I am so terribly sorry, but just because my nose is congested does not mean we are going to sit this one out this week. And I really wanted to talk about this cringing topic. At least when we look back on it, it's cringing, But it's of us lashing out at our kids because we are the overstimulated ones, I mean, how many times have we been so overstimulated that when our kids come into the room and try to grab our attention or say, Hey mom, and the first thing that comes outta your mouth is what? Like you were just annoyed that they spoke to you. I know I've had that happen to me many times, and I can tell you that time and time again I've felt bad even as my kids get older and they start to understand that my tone of voice tells them that they're not welcome to talk to me. That just brings me back to a time where. I was trying to doll myself up. This was when I was in my mid to late twenties and my oldest two was about one and two years old, so they were still really young then. But I was dolling myself up and getting ready and I was also so incredibly angry and frustrated with all of the interruptions It felt like as soon as I would go to sit down and start putting my makeup on, they needed something or someone would start crying, or it just felt like I just could not get myself together. And then on top of that, I felt the pressure of trying to finish my makeup routine, or at least just put myself together before a certain time so that we would not be late to. Wherever it is that we were going, I can't even remember now. It's been so long. But that moment led to me thinking about the times that I have vented to my husband about never getting any quote unquote me time to do the girly things that I used to do before motherhood, and then suddenly memory after memory of my not so proud mom moments came flooding back along with the embarrassment. The feelings of regret and guilt, they would start piling up because I remember specifically after I would vent to my husband or snap at my kids, I would just storm off and then I would take a deep breath as I entered a different room and I would immediately think, why did I say that or Why did I act that way? I have to admit I wasn't proud of it and it wasn't my best self. Over time, those moments piled up and made it so hard for me to forgive myself. So maybe you've had those same, not so proud mom moments as well. You keep replaying them and the guilt just won't let up. I know that cycle all too well, mama. But the good news is that God doesn't leave us stuck there. His words show us how to move from dwelling to redemption and being restored. And today I want to walk you through three ways we can start practicing forgiveness. God's way So you see the first step is confession. And when I say that, I don't mean it to be in a shame filled way at all, but more so in a freeing way The truth is we can't heal if we're trying to hide from something, and scripture tells us that in one John chapter one, verse nine, that when we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us. I've shared with this podcast before that I did not grow up a Christian. So the word confess sounded very scary to me because I didn't know what that looks like. And you know what? Pride kept me from being fully honest with what I did. What I mean by that is I would justify my actions based off of how someone treated me, and it was hard for me to open myself up to the idea that I might have also done something wrong in that situation. That also requires me to go and ask for forgiveness. And you know what? I also didn't want to face the reality of my own choices and vulnerability honestly felt risky sometimes I couldn't even name the specific mistake. I just felt the weight of guilt without the words. It's like I couldn't articulate why this weight was always on me. But I knew that I wanted to somehow be free from it. And I honestly believe that's why confession matters, because it moves you from defending yourself to agree with. God about what isn't fruitful, and that same heart posture showed up in how I carried myself as a mom. So yes, I knew lashing out at my kids was wrong, but I didn't yet understand why it was wrong biblically, or how it strained my relationship with my family,. Now. If you have been with the Restored Mind for a while, you know that I love Word studies. Recently I learned about the word confess, and it completely changed how I see acknowledging where I fall short. The Greek word for confess is homo gleo. I'm hoping I did not butcher that word up, And if I did, I'm so sorry. But I think it's so important to break down these words because it really does bring a whole new perspective to what is being read in scripture. So homos means same and glio or legal. LEGO meaning to say, so essentially to confess is to say the same as God about our sin, meaning. We're admitting what's true and agreeing with what God says about sin, not just acknowledging a mistake. And yes, we can acknowledge a mistake and not do anything to change ourselves for the better. And while sin is ever present, it does not need to hinder your relationship. With God. This is why confession matters, because hiding is going to continue to keep us stuck, but God invites us into this wonderful freedom the expectation isn't perfection or pretending to be blameless. It's to walk with him, abide in him, and keep coming back to him. When we confess God is faithful and just to forgive and cleanses. Us so sin doesn't have to hinder our relationship with him. Talking about this reminds me of all the times that I have tried to hide my mistakes from God, and I saw this reflected to me through my kids because they have done this as well. When they make a mistake, they don't come to me and tell me what they've done. They try to hide what they've messed up, and we think if we don't talk about it or acknowledge it, it'll just go away. It might make us feel better for a moment, But eventually it builds up until we start telling ourselves that we aren't good enough because we keep making these same mistakes that we should know better or whatever negative self-talk that's brewing in your mind, it makes you believe that you are not good enough to be forgiven and then it brings on shame and even more guilt. But the truth is, God is all knowing. He already knows what we're not telling him and whatever we are telling him, it's not anything new. But there is something truly freeing about placing it at the feet of Jesus because it lifts the weight off of your shoulder, Now, does that mean that you won't ever mess up again? No, I think we're all gonna mess up right at some point because no one is perfect. If you confess with the expectation that you'll be instantly and permanently free from whatever is tripping you up then you set yourself up for a greater fall at the end. But the more that you keep confessing, the stronger your relationship with God becomes Confession. Mama keeps us coming back to him. And to who he is. So the next time you catch yourself thinking, I can't believe I just yelled like that, and you start replaying all of the ways you've messed up, stop and name it before God. Don't sugarcoat it or make excuses. This is the moment to agree with God about your mistakes, things that are against God. Now, once it's named before God, the next move isn't going to continuously replay that mistake. It's receiving what Jesus has already secured for you. Let's talk about living like his forgiveness. Is enough because so many moms, including myself, Feel like they're not enough or that the mistakes that they've made have been too grand for God to forgive us. And we carry the pressure to do it all and to keep it all together, whether it be expectations that we put on ourselves or from societal norms, what we think are societal norms anyway, When I became a first time mom, I dropped out of college. I really did. I don't have a college degree. And at one point I wanted to go back, but I didn't know what I wanted to study because I had lost a passion for what I thought I wanted to do In my mid to late twenties, I ended up chasing the idea of being a beauty content creator. So I had this platform on social media and it took a long time. But it finally started growing, but then life happened. I had a miscarriage and I took time off of that platform to grieve. And when I came back, I realized that my love for it faded. I had this conversation with my husband that I didn't really want to go back to create these things or talk about makeup and whatever else'cause it just didn't feel like me anymore. I didn't know who I was, but I also in that time realized that I didn't want to do this because I saw how it pulled me away from my family and underneath it all, I kept wondering what was going on? Why did I feel like this? And there was this question that screamed really loud over and over and over again, and it was, who am I really? I was so sure of myself before motherhood, and then all of a sudden I wasn't so sure who I was or what I wanted after I had this miscarriage. Now, I shared this because my search for the quote unquote, something more showed me that I didn't know how to receive God's grace. I was trying to prove that I was enough instead of receiving that in Christ. And when I say that, I was trying to prove that I was enough. It was through all the tangible things that I could do. But the truth is I'm already forgiven in love, and that's what we're talking about. Learning to live like his forgiveness is actually enough, because it truly is. I've spent this whole episode warning against replaying the past and getting stuck in unforgiveness but I have to share this with you because I don't want you to think that you can never look back. Because looking back can actually help us reminiscing on what happened isn't the problem. It becomes harmful when you use it to punish or shame yourself. When you look back with God, you can be grateful for the growth that is happening because you see his hand at work and recognize how those trials shaped you to who you are, and it gets better. It's also equipping you for what is ahead. So in other words, we don't dwell to self punish. We remember and recognize grace. So we're ready to receive the new thing God promises. Isaiah chapter 43, verse 18 and 19 says, forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Do you not perceive it? Holding onto guilt is like saying his new thing doesn't apply to you, or that his offering isn't enough. There is a time and place for everything, and remembering the past isn't bad at all, but there is a time to leave it there and move forward into what's in front of you. So when God asks, do you not perceive it? I would imagine him asking. Would you recognize it if this quote, unquote new thing were placed in front of you or if you walked right into it? And that's where keeping in step with the spirit matters. Just as the Holy Spirit led Jesus into the wilderness, You'll also be led into wilderness seasons. So the question is. Are you willing to keep in step with him even when it's uncomfortable and test? You see, God's love has given us grace. He shows us mercy. So what's keeping you Mama? Forgiving yourself? The way that he has forgiven you. so often I hear mamas, me included, become overly critical of themselves. It's easy to pick yourself apart and over the years it can become a habit. So when guilt resurfaces, speak truth over it, mama. Remind yourself that you are forgiven, that God is making something new, that the spirit is in you and you want to keep in step with the spirit. Pray for his strength. Thank him that he leads you to green pastures and it lays you down beside still waters. Replace these self condemning thoughts with scripture that comes from Romans eight, one. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Don't let these mistakes that you've made stop you from becoming the mom that you've always wanted to be. And you know what? We just don't stop at saying, I'm forgiven and I receive God's grace. We need. To step into that transformation, it requires us to take action so that our children can see the gospel with their own eyes. Self-forgiveness doesn't erase the moments. But it does allow you to model humility and grace in front of your kids. And you know what? I think our kids are the best mirrors of life and really of ourselves because they pick up on what we say and do and what copy. What they see as you move through these three steps. Don't be afraid to make changes that bring fruit into your motherhood journey. When we learn to forgive ourselves, it heals the part of us that was hurt by what we're not so proud of. It keeps us from self condemnation and leads to becoming a more healed and restored version of yourself. That transformation blesses you and strengthens your relationship at home. Kids learn. Grace and forgiveness by watching how it has changed us, not by our perfection, because let's face it, we're far from that. When they see you confess, receive grace and then live differently from that, they learn to do that with their own mistakes. It's gonna take practice and the best way that you can lead them is by doing Transformation keeps guilt from becoming your identity. So instead of thinking I'm a bad mom. It now becomes, I'm a growing mom who is walking with Jesus and learning to love better. That includes you so how can you model this type of redemption or this type of freedom? The first step is, to start by letting your kids know that you make mistakes too. The next step is to ask them for forgiveness. Then you forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on so that you don't miss what God has placed in front of you. Don't forget that physical connection is important, so hug it out with your kids. Make time for Cuddles. They need to know that you still love them anyway, and that you're human. You're going to make a mistake. And lastly, let your kids see that mistakes aren't the end of the story because God's grace always makes a way forward. All right, mama. So I hope this episode really encouraged you to remember that the point isn't to relive your mistakes over and over again that you've made in the past, but to release it through forgiveness God's way. So let's recap how, because the first thing we talked about was confession which is naming what happened before God instead of trying to hide it. We also talked about receiving God's grace and stop replaying the past to punish yourself because mama in Christ, you are forgiven. And when you look back, notice the growth that has happened and recognize the new thing that God is doing. And then finally, we talked about transformation model that redemption, that freedom for your kids, apologize, repair their relationship. Show humility and live differently through these small changes that you can make so that they can also learn grace through your example. Forgiving yourself can be so hard, especially since motherhood doesn't come with a manual book. And we know that sometimes we get overstimulated and we respond in ways that don't always come off loving. But remember, mama God's mercies are new every morning and you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.