137 | Let Go of Mom Guilt: A Christian Mom’s Guide to Trading ‘What Ifs’ for Peace

Hey Mama!

Do you ever catch yourself stuck in the what ifs? What if your kids struggle? What if they make the wrong choice? What if you’re not there when they need you? In this episode of The Restored Mind Podcast, I’m unpacking what it means to trade those spiraling worries for the peace of what is.

We’ll talk about how to shift your focus from what might happen in the future to what’s true right now. Together, we’ll look at Psalm 127 to understand what it means that our children are a heritage and reward from the Lord, and how Philippians 4:6–7 reminds us to bring our worries to God in prayer instead of letting them grow into anxiety.

If you’re ready to release the pressure of trying to control everything and rest in the peace that God loves your children even more than you do—this episode will meet you right where you are.

Key Takeaways:

• How to recognize and interrupt “what if” thoughts before they spiral into worry.
• Practical ways to ground yourself in biblical truth so you can stay present in the moment.
• How to release what you can’t control and trust that God is guiding your children’s journey every step of the way.

Tune in to learn how to trade your worries for peace and experience the freedom that comes from trusting God with your kids.

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FREE Community: Break Free From Mom Guilt

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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Ever catch yourself wrestling with what ifs about your kids? Like, what if they struggle? What if they make the wrong choice? As moms, we want to walk every step with them, but eventually we have to take a step back and trust the one who loves them even more than we do, and that is what we are unpacking in today's episode. If you're ready to find freedom from Mom, guilt and walk in peace, come join us inside the Break Free from Mom Guilt Community. The link to join is in the show notes. I'll see you there. Hey Mama. Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt. I'm Caroline Tao, helping Christian moms trade perfectionism for freedom and rest. Welcome to the Restored Mind, where Biblical wisdom meets practical strategies for becoming the mom You've always wanted to be ready. Let's do this. Welcome back to the Restored Mind. I'm so excited to dive into today's episode because it might stir something deep in you, and that is going to be on purpose. We are talking about how tightly we hold onto our kids and what it looks like to loosen that grip in faith. Because as I brought up earlier, how many of you are stuck in the what ifs? What if. Something happens to your kids, like, what if they struggle? Right? That's something that we don't want as moms for our kids and for me, this started when my son was just two years old. I remember lying awake one night. Already panicking about the day that he would start school. I mean, my mind ran wild with it. I was thinking, what if kids are mean to him, or what if he got hurt in class and I wasn't there? Or what if he just felt alone because he had a hard time making friends? I know it probably sounds really dramatic because he was only two at the time, and I had no idea what the future would look like, But I will tell you that worry felt so real and then it happened again when my daughter reached kindergarten. All of that worry came rushing back. Only this time it was stronger. The weight of realizing that I couldn't always be with them. Honestly scared me. There was one summer I stayed up late scrolling through their baby photos, and it was not out of joy, but out of worry. I mean, that time was slipping away with my kids. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to protect them forever or that. They wouldn't be with me forever, and I tried explaining it to my husband one night during that summer as I was crying, and he just looked at me like, what is wrong with you? Honestly, I couldn't even put into words what was wrong with me. I just knew that it wasn't about this one moment of me having this worry over my kids. It was the ache of motherhood itself, of eventually having to let them go. Then just the other day when I dropped my kids off at school, those same emotions came rushing back. At their school, there is this red line that's been painted on the sidewalk where parents have to stop and say goodbye to their kids. We are not allowed to cross this red line. I mean, they really. Make it a big deal if you cross this red line. So I stood there just behind that red line and I watched them walk the rest of the way to their classrooms and it hit me that this is motherhood.'cause as I stood there, my daughters would turn around and wave goodbye multiple times. But my son, he never looked back once. I mean, he just said his goodbyes before he went to his classroom, And so I was thinking, oh my gosh, this, this right here is motherhood. There are red lines that we all face. Moments where we can only watch from behind as our kids take another step towards independence, and that's where the quote unquote what ifs start popping up again. What if they get hurt? What if I'm not there when they need me? What if I failed to prepare them enough? But right there, standing on that sidewalk, I felt reminded. God hasn't called me to live in the what ifs. He's called me to rest in the what is and what is true is that my kids are loved so much more. By him even more than I do. And what is true is that the Holy Spirit goes with them into every classroom, and every moment that I can't be in, And when I remember that, it helps me, first of all, calm down. My mind comes to rest. And I can trade worry for peace. So today I wanna talk about how we actually do that. How do we trade our what ifs for what is, and this is gonna be so incredibly awesome, especially if you find yourself worrying as a mom. So trading your what ifs for what is means. Noticing the worries that pull you into spirals of worries and consciously shifting your focus to the truth that exists in the present moment. God's presence, his promises, and the reality of your children's lives right now. And that's where it starts. It starts with the noticing where your mind is at. That's always going to be the starting line because if you don't notice it, how can you fix it or how can you make it better? See, as moms, we naturally have this dream for our kids. When they're little, we picture who they'll become, how their teachers will treat them, what kind of friends they'll make? Those dreams are honestly rooted in love because our hearts are so connected to theirs. I mean, they were in the womb for nine months and even after that you were still holding them when they were infants and toddlers. And then eventually they just get to an age where the snuggles are far and few in between. But the reality is that these dreams that we dream up for our kids are only that this picture perfect idea of what we would like for our kids, but life doesn't stay inside those picture perfect moments that we create. The reality is they're gonna get bumps and bruises. They're gonna discover that not everyone is kind, unfortunately and face moments that are going to break our hearts as much as it breaks theirs. And yet those moments are not outside of God's plans at all. Psalms 1 27 reminds us children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Now, I want to linger on this first and talk about children, heritage and reward because it's important that we understand the root words and how it applies to us today. So let's start with heritage. We'll circle back around to children at the end. Now, the original word used for. Heritage is koala. And like I've said in previous episodes, I probably butcher up the Greek and Huby pronunciation of these words, but I just like to include them So this word inheritance in Hebrew means. A portion or a portion given and in scripture often refers to God's promised inheritance for his people. When children are called an inheritance, it reminds us that they are a sacred gift from God eNTRUSTED to us by God to love guide and steward them well. They are not ours to control or keep forever. And as moms, that's where we often struggle. I'm gonna be honest with you because. That's where I struggled too. And you know, there's still bits and pieces that I'm still growing through and it's amazing to be able to witness that through the lens of faith and understand how life is just so interesting and filled with God's beautiful gifts. So anyway, I'm off on a tangent there, but let's go back to the word, because when we worry about our kids, we try to control everything around them so that they don't have to face challenges. As a mom, I don't want my kids to ever struggle, and so if I force. See something coming that may potentially challenge them. I'm gonna try my best to remove that. And I know that that's probably not the best way for my kids to learn because if they don't ever face challenges, how would they ever face adversity? And my husband often reminds me of this. He often says, you just have to let them struggle and let them figure it out. And I, I, I don't like that'cause it's not comforting. But he also makes a lot of sense, especially when it comes to trusting God with. My kids because it speaks into how God loves them so much more than I do. I mean, if I believe that God loves me, then I have to also believe that God loves my kids way more than I could ever love them. And so as moms, we often struggle with that, with letting them go and letting them struggle. But even the challenges that they face are part of their journey. Part of how God shapes their faith, and even ours, witnessing them go through life with God is just such a beautiful testament to who he is. So now what we're gonna do is take a look at the next phrase. The fruit of the womb is his reward. The word reward and Hebrew is saka. And it doesn't mean something earned like a paycheck, for example. It really means a gracious blessing, a gift that is freely given. And so the very presence of our children in our lives is evident of God's goodness and generosity., even through sleepless nights when they're young and the tantrums and the hard seasons. The teenage years, which I'm not quite there yet, but I'm inching up in that season. I'm not sure I'm ready for it, to be completely honest with you. It scares me a little bit, but I just have to trust that the leading of the Holy Spirit is going to guide me as a mom and also my kids as they grow in their faith. And so we can look at these. Different scenarios that I just named, the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the hard season. And remember what a gift it is to be a mom. I've said this before on the podcast that I never saw myself as a mom, nor did I ever want to be one, but now I can't imagine my life without them because. I would do it all over again if I could, even knowing the struggles that I went through. The reward isn't just in raising them, it's in knowing them, it is in seeing the world through their lens, the lessons that they end up teaching us. I mean, think about how quickly they forgive and how freely they trust and how easily they love their innocence is such a reflection of God's heart. I mean, it's incredible. Think about how quickly they forgive and how hard it is for us as adults to do that. It's like they set the example for us to remind us of our creator. And that brings us back full circle because even though children are a heritage and our reward, they ultimately belong to him. When Jesus says let the little children come to me, he's not only inviting kids into his presence, he's inviting us as moms to release that worry over, to loosen up that tight grip and to trust him with who we love most. children are truly God's heritage, his portion, and part of our role is to love them deeply, to guide them faithfully, and then trust that he loves them even more than we do. And he is going to do the rest'cause we can't do everything. Okay. So. How do we actually do this? How do we trade those? Anxious? What if thoughts for peace when our hearts want to jump 10 steps ahead? Let's break this down into three steps. The first step is to catch the what if before it spirals. That's the first step. It's awareness, and I touched on this earlier on in this episode, but now we are going to dive just a little bit deeper'cause most of our worry happens automatically. When we're folding laundry or driving them to their extracurricular activities, and suddenly our minds shift into what feels like a million questions. We start thinking, what if she struggles to make friends? What if I'm not guiding them the right way when it comes to. Leading them towards God. What if they grow up and drift away from their faith? Then what? When that happens, I want you to pause and name it out loud. Say something like, Lord, I'm worrying about fill in the blank, and the reason why this is. Such a helpful way in catching the what ifs before it spirals is because It's going to pause you and help you see that there is something that needs to be addressed. And simply naming the worry just. Brings it out of the darkness and into the light, and that's where Philippians chapter four, verse six to seven comes into mind. It says, do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. When you catch the worry, turn it into prayer, instead of letting it fester in your mind, Hand that over to God, catch it before it spirals, and the only way to do that is to stop it and bring it to light. And the second step I want you to do is to ground yourself in what is true. So after you hand it over to God, remind yourself of what is real right now in the moment. What is true in this moment? Maybe your child is laughing with their sibling. Maybe you are realizing that their interests have changed, and so this opens up the perfect opportunity for you to now get to know them and who they are becoming and their new interests or whatever it may be. Maybe they're struggling, But learning something through it, which is amazing. And above all what is true is that God is still good and he is still near. When I was struggling to let my kids go, I remember asking myself, if God showed me their life, if I could see into the future and know everything. That's would happen. Would I worry less? The honest answer was no. I would still worry'cause I would see the struggles that they're going to go through. And that moment helped me lay that struggle to rest and surrender it all to God because it allowed me to be more present with my kids and the what is instead of the what ifs. And so maybe that's the invitation for you today, mama, is to ask yourself, if God showed you your child's future, would you really worry less? And if the answer is no. Then begin to surrender it over to him because you are going to miss out on the present moment, worried about whatever is happening in the future that you can't even see. And I think that. That sort of ignorance of not knowing what's in the future is actually a good thing because if you knew, you would just anticipate all of these things happening and it would just give you more things to worry about. So from my experience, not knowing. Is such a beautiful gift as well. And then the third step that I want you to do is to practice releasing what you cannot control. Now, this one is hard because control, being in control gives us this illusion of safety. Motherhood is full of red line moments, places that we have to stop and just let our kids walk ahead of us. So I want you to ask yourself. Is this something that I can guide, like teaching, encouraging or even helping them set boundaries? Or is this something that I need to give because it is out of my hands? So if you can guide, then do it with love and patience. And if you need to give it up, then release it with prayer and trust that God is going to carry your kids so much further than you could ever imagine that you'd do for them. Something as simple as taking a deep breath and saying, Lord, I'm stepping back so that you can step in. It's going to be so powerful. Or even asking the Lord and, and the Holy Spirit to give you the strength to trust God, to let go so that he may have his way with his children. That is a tough one too, but it is such a way for you to refocus your mind onto God and keep your eyes on him because while we love our children so much, we can get caught up in all of the worries and you know, saying something like this, we're praying something like this, it. A daily rhythm. Sometimes it is moment by moment, especially for me in that summer when I struggled. It was a moment by moment thing, but honestly, that is how you begin to live with peace instead of worry, because bit by bit, when you learn to release this, you're gonna have this overwhelming amount of peace that you probably can't even put into words, but it's going to replace the worry that feels so heavy over you right now. And so we're coming up on the end of this episode, and I just want to remind you that worrying about your kids is absolutely normal. Okay? I do that even now. But mama, you do not have to stay stuck in it. Bring those worries into the light so they don't build up Mom guilt. All right. We don't need any more of that. We are trying to break free from mom guilt. So ground yourself in what is true. Remembering that God is near and practice releasing what you cannot control. It is going to feel so good as you begin to break free from mom guilt and become the mom you've always wanted to be because you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.