138 | Excellence Or Idolatry? Release the Mom-Guilt Pressure to Do It All

Hey Mama!

Are you tired of trying to get everything just right? In this episode of The Restored Mind Podcast, I’m sharing two powerful signs from my motherhood journey that your desire for excellence may have quietly turned into control and how you can let go of mom guilt without compromising your values.

As Christian moms, we want to honor God and love our families well, but sometimes that genuine desire shifts into striving for perfection. When that happens, peace starts to slip away. Together, we’ll explore how to anchor in Godly rest, simplify without guilt, and find freedom in faithful effort. 

If you’ve been wrestling with mom guilt, overthinking what’s "enough", or feeling like slowing down means you’re failing your family and God, this conversation will help you trade that pressure for peace and presence.

Key Takeways

• Recognize when your desire for excellence starts turning into control.
• Discover why faithful effort  is enough in God’s eyes.
• Learn simple mindset shifts to release guilt, embrace grace, and walk in freedom.

You don’t have to do it all perfectly to honor God or care for your family, Mama. Tune in and find the freedom your heart’s been craving.

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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mama. If you are tired from trying to get everything right, this one is for you. Today we're talking about two signs I have learned from my motherhood experience about how your aim for excellence might be turning into a form of control and how to let go of mom guilt without letting go of your values. Hey Mama. Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt. I'm Caroline Tao, helping Christian moms trade perfectionism for freedom and rest. Welcome to the Restored Mind, where Biblical wisdom meets practical strategies for becoming the mom You've always wanted to be ready. Let's do this. Before we dive in, I want to let you know that the Restored Mind Podcast will be slowing down a bit through the holidays. I'll be releasing new episodes every other week instead of weekly to give you and me some space to rest, reflect, and be present with our families. But don't worry, something really special is coming next month and I cannot wait to celebrate it with you if you're not already a part of the free community, that is where I'll be sharing behind the scenes updates and encouragement during this slower season. The link to join is in the show notes. And mama, I cannot wait to see you there. There's something so relaxing, but also upbeat about that intro music that I'm just really loving and it makes me think about how I did not really see my life that way, upbeat and lively, I am going to be telling you some lessons that I have learned from my motherhood journey that stemmed from the realization of how I had spent weeks preparing for decorations for one of my kids' birthday parties many years ago. I wanted every detail to match a Pinterest picture. Perfectly, and I had told myself it was to quote unquote make it special for my kids, but deep down I was trying to prove something to myself. I wanted to feel like a good mom, and if it wasn't perfect, I felt like I would be failing them. And somewhere along the way, my strive towards excellence stopped being about stewarding what I value most, which was my family and the heart behind what I do. And it became more about controlling how everything turned out. And that is what we are unpacking today. How to recognize when striving for excellence quietly shifts into control and how to release that pressure without losing what matters. So the first sign that hit me when I was reflecting back on this is when progress never feels like it is enough. That is when you finish something and instead of peace washing over you, you feel the pull of what's still not right, meaning what is the unfinished work that still needs to be tended to, and your mind just keeps. Circling back to that unfinished work, it's hard for you to be present in the moment because quote unquote enough always feels like it's one step away when you tie your worth to an accomplishment, peace always stays out of reach. I've been there, and not just in motherhood either, but in every season where I try to prove my worth through the things that I did. My heart was not anchored. in the rest that God promises in Psalms 23. The rest that restores your soul and quiets the working mind or really that seeking for the perfect stopping point. You love your family deeply and you want to honor God. That's the end goal that a lot of us moms have at the end of the day, we want our family to know without a shadow of a doubt that we love them. And we also in our faith journey want to honor God. But sometimes that turns into working for his approval instead of from his presence. Jesus said in Matthew 1128, come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest The word rest in that verse comes from the Greek word awa. It means to refresh. To cease from labor and to remain. And you know what? I love that last one. Remain resting is not just stopping the work, it's staying close to Jesus, whether or not the work is done. When you remain in him, your progress does not have to prove anything. You can end the day, look around at everything that is not completed and still say, you know what? This is enough because your worth and your work are secure in him. And this is the freedom that Jesus offers. Letting go of that, seeking that striving without letting go of what truly matters. And so, mama, here is the good news. You do not have to do it all perfectly, and you don't have to prove your worth. Through your work, and so here are two ways to start letting go while keeping what truly matters. The first one is to anchor in God's rest. Remember, an napal means rest. It means to be refreshed, to cease from labor and to remain rest isn't stopping, it's staying close. When you anchor there, progress becomes peace and not pressure. The goal here is to make progress and not aim for perfection. And then the second one is to reframe your mindset when it comes to progress. Instead of obsessing over all the things that are not finished, all the work that is undone, celebrate what is finished. Ask, does this honor God and my kids or family? Instead of, is this done perfectly? I have to be honest and say, it was really hard for me to answer that question because at the end of the day, I struggled with, yes, this does honor my kids and honor God and my husband, but I really was still longing for that. Perfection, enough feeling to just somehow appear, but it was because I was not anchoring myself in the rest or reframing my mindset around progress that I just felt like whatever work I did was never enough. And so that leads me to this point, which is faithful effort is enough, and perfection again, is not the end goal. It is about putting effort remaining in Christ as you complete the work, whatever it may be. Whether it be for birthday parties or just in your everyday mundane routine, Faithful effort is enough. As I thought through this message, something hit me. It's that the initial aim for excellence or perfection usually starts from a good place because we want to do things well. We want to love our families well. We want to serve God well. But sometimes that desire shifts and it can happen in a way that you don't realize it until you're already knee deep into it. And that's what control really is our attempt to control peace on our own term. But peace isn't something we earn through perfect performance. It is something we receive when we trust God with what we cannot control. And I'm not just talking about birthday parties, I'm talking about the. Mundane everyday tasks that you are trying to accomplish before the end of the day or the end of the week. Maybe you have three big tasks on your list to do today, but you only got through one of'em and the other two is still calling your name. But. It's stressful to get those done because there are certain times where you still have to stop what you're doing to take care of your family, whether it be cooking or tending to them, helping with homework, whatever it may be. And that takes time away from you completing the other tasks so it can start to feel a lot overwhelming when things are not completed in a day's time. Or just in the timeframe that you've set for yourself. But scripture calls this quiet shift idolatry, and not because we are bowing or worshiping a statue or anything, but because our heart, our mind, and our eyes start to see something. Other than God's presence, we start to have this desire to have this perfect routine or the tasks that are in front of us done perfectly because in our mind it starts to make life easier. And you know, yes, routines are helpful. And yes, having everything fit together Perfectly feels good. But that's not always the case because life will do its own thing, and we have to learn to be able to adjust to that without feeling that guilt linger over us for not finishing a task or not doing something perfectly. And so our eyes and our heart posture starts to shift over and we start serving the illusion of control instead of surrendering to his care. But here's the beautiful part, once you recognize it. You can work towards releasing it and the Holy Spirit isn't leading you to see all of this to shame you. He's inviting you back into freedom. So that nudge that you feel about, why can't this just feel enough? That could be the very beginning of. The scale is falling off from your eyes, and perhaps it's time to shift your focus back onto God so that you can begin to answer that question and make the stance. They have the authority to say, this is enough, because I am showing up and stewarding time well with my family. And 15, 20 years from now, when your kids are not with you, they're not going to remember how. Clean the house was, or how on time dinner was made. They're gonna think about how you were present in their lives and the impact that you made being with them. And that is important. That's part of stewardship the Holy Spirit is inviting you back into freedom that is in Christ. And this freedom isn't about having flawless perfect results every single time, but it's in the faithful rest. The invitation to take this faithful rest and to work from that is where you'll get that peace. Now that brings us to the second sign that I noticed in my own journey, and that's when lowering your standards feel like you are somehow disappointing God or your family. It's when you start simplifying a project or you let a chore go undone, or maybe you miss a devotional reading or Bible study time or. Maybe it's when you say no to something that you typically wouldn't say no to, and it feels like it could be wrong somehow. And you know, even healthy adjustments can trigger the guilt because your mind starts thinking, if I do less, then I'm failing, or I am lazy. And that's not always true. When you tie your worth to performance, simplifying can feel like you are letting God down or letting your family down, But Galatians five, one says, for freedom, Christ has set us free stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. and the thing is, you are binding yourself to a yoka slavery when your mind starts to aim for perfection and everything that you do is in that direction. Now, I understand having high expectations, but we also have to be realistic about what is. Actually able to happen. So maybe I have three big tasks for today, but I also have to keep in mind that I have a family that gets hungry. Somebody might need me for something. My girls just might have a random urge to paint their nails or whatever it is. And in that moment I have to decide am I gonna be painting their nails and playing with them, or am I gonna be taken on task number two? And that's such a huge physical way to see how we can bind ourselves to a yoke of slavery instead of as Galations Five, one says to stand firm in the freedom that Christ has set for us.'cause freedom isn't doing everything perfectly. It is being released from the lie that doing less equals failure. And when we chase perfection, we become slaves to our own standards instead of resting in God. And when you let go of the pressure to do it all. Mama, you are not failing. You are stepping into surrender, walking in obedience, remaining in Christ, and all of that brings peace and freedom. You can simplify, lower your standard or step back without guilt lingering over you because your worth is secure in him. So remember, what delights, God is not perfection. It is your faithful heart. So how can you begin to shift your perspective? I have two really easy things for you to do, and you can start it today and start working on that journey of letting go and breaking through mom guilt So the first one I want you to do is to simply check your motive. This is a self-reflection exercise that you can do anywhere, I want you to ask, am I doing this to honor God or to prove my worth? If it's to prove yourself, I want you to think about what can you do that can start pivoting you just a little bit that is going to start taking you on the path towards God and rest instead of perfection. lowering your expectation or the amount of work that you're doing is not weakness. It is trust that even though the task was not done today, that God's gotten you and it will eventually get done. And the second one is I want you to give yourself permission to just keep it simple. I want you to ask, Does this really matter for what I value most, which would be my family and my heart behind it? Think about your actions and the intent. If it really matters, then let that, whatever that outcome is, be enough. Simplifying is not failing. Okay. It's stewardship. You want to steward your time. Well, and when you keep it simple, you actually gain back time to be present with your family and spend that time with them that in itself protects peace and joy that comes from the Father, and that is also why. Again, as a reminder, the Restored Mind Podcast is going to be slowing down through the holidays. So in November and December, I will be releasing episodes every other week instead of every week, so that I can put into practice what I am talking about. Alright, so today we talked about two signs. Your pursuit of excellence might be turning into control. The first one is when progress never feels like it's enough I want you to anchor yourself in God's rest and celebrate what is already done. Celebrate those small wins, mama, because they do count. And secondly, when lowering your standard feels like you are somehow disappointing, God, you are absolutely not. Simplifying and letting go are not failures. They are faith in action. You don't have to do it all perfectly to honor God or care for your family. And that should be such a breather for all of us as moms who are in the perfectionist mindset. Majority of the time, you can't see me, but I'm raising my hand and just simply remaining in him gives you that peace. So I hope that these two signs that I shared with you for my motherhood journey helps you release mom guilt and walk in peace as you grow into the mom that you want to be. And also preparing yourself for the holidays that's coming up. Because even though we are in October, Thanksgiving's gonna be right around the corner and before we know it, we're gonna into the new year. And so as things get tough, I want you to remember that yes, you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.