139 | Mom Guilt Detox: Meaningful Holidays With Simple, Repeatable Traditions

Hey Mama!

Feeling the holiday pressure to “make it magical” this year? In this episode, I help you trade perfectionism for peace with purposeful planning and simple holiday traditions that build connection with your family. We’ll talk about overcoming mom guilt during the holidays, creating meaningful holidays with simple, repeatable traditions, and choosing presence over perfection so your family remembers what truly matters.

Key Takeaways:

• Practical framework: Reduce holiday stress and mom guilt
• One “memory anchor”: A simple, repeatable tradition that builds connection
• Setting boundaries:  Say "no” to extras to protect your time, budget, and peace

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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With the holidays right around the corner, it's easy to fall into the make it magical trap. You know the one word pressure to make everything perfect, only magnifies mom guilt. So today we're flipping the script and talking about how to trade that pressure for peace by making the holidays more meaningful instead of just magical. Hey Mama. Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt. I'm Caroline Tao, helping Christian moms trade perfectionism for freedom and rest. Welcome to the Restored Mind, where Biblical wisdom meets practical strategies for becoming the mom You've always wanted to be ready. Let's do this. before we begin, the Restored Mind's, third birthday is coming up and I've been working on something special to celebrate with you, a brand new quiz designed to help you understand where your mom guild is really coming from. So you can finally break through Mom guilt. I'll share all the details soon, so stay tuned. In the meantime, be sure to follow the show by simply tapping on that plus button from whatever you are listening from. It is going to not only notify you of when a new episode has launched, but keep you in the know of what is happening here at the restored mind. We are officially in the month of November, so happy November. As I'm thinking about the days ahead, my mind for some reason is just thinking about how fast the holiday season is going to be approaching us. Now, when I think about the holidays, it always brings me back to my grandparents' home. It was a time I had always looked forward to as a little girl, and something about spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. It just felt so magical and for years I could not figure out what made it so special. And the only emotion, or the only thing that I can really relate it to is this. If you could imagine with me for one moment, pulling out fresh laundry that just. Came out of the dryer, that warmth that you feel is exactly how I felt as a little girl when I would go spend the holidays with my grandparents. And so as I grew up, I started my own family and I really wanted to recreate that warm, cozy feeling that I remember so well as a kid. So I started with the decorations, trying to make our home feel festive and inviting. Then came the menu, And if you know me, you know, I don't mind cooking at all. So I actually find it very fun to draw up a menu, uh, for the holidays. It's just something that I enjoy doing. I thought that cooking all of the traditional holiday foods would help capture that magic that I felt when we would enjoy holiday meals with my grandparents. And then of course, with Christmas. I went a little overboard, sorry, husband. I would add more decorations, more gifts, and more effort to make it all feel so special for my kids. But over time, that magical feelings started to fade and the pressure to. Have the perfect decorations to prepare the perfect meal and buy all of the right gifts. Slowly started turning into stress. Instead of feeling joyful, I found myself overwhelmed and honestly even guilty, wondering if I was doing enough to make the holiday special for my family. And a little side note here, I also felt like I was in competition with myself to make this year's holiday. More special than last year's holiday, and it just brought on stress that I did not enjoy, and then one day it hit me. The reason my grandparents' home felt so magical wasn't because of the decorations or the food or the gifts. In fact, I recall a single. Christmas tree as their holiday decor. And if I'm being honest, I think that that Christmas tree would not have been there if the grandkids were not all headed to their house for the season. But anyway, what made it magical was the relationship I had with them. It was the smile on their faces whenever we arrived, and the tight hugs that I received that felt more like a squeeze that made me feel incredibly welcome. So wanted and cared for that is what made it meaningful, and that is what gave it that magical feeling. And when that hit me, it changed the way that I see the holidays. The magic was never in the decor and the food or the gifts. It was truly in how much they put an effort into being present in our lives really is what made the holidays magical. And so that realization shaped how I wanted to approach the holidays moving forward. now I know it's early November, but I also wanted to share it with you now before the busyness begins, so that you can start thinking about what kind of season you want to create this year with your family. Because when your plans get led by pressure, the joy gets lost in the doing. But when you plan with purpose, there is room for connection, for peace and presence, which are the very things that make the holidays meaningful. So if you're tired of running yourself to exhaustion every single year, trying to make every detail perfect. Here is the first shift I want to encourage you to make this year. I want you to plan with purpose and not pressure. This is going to be where you decide what matters most to your family this season, and I want you to also set boundaries to protect it. I would even encourage you to. Give yourself permission to let go of everything else. This is where pressure plans and purposeful planning comes into play. because when your plans are led by pressure, it drains the joy out of preparing and enjoying the holidays, whether it be making travel plans or just staying at home plans on how you are going to be enjoying the holidays this year with your family. It pulls us into a distraction and busyness, which is the exact opposite of what we want, intentional time with our family and memories that we're actually going to cherish, now this reminds me of Martha and Mary. Like Martha, we can get caught up in doing all the things to make the holiday magical. Jesus responds to Martha when she wants Mary to help by saying, Martha. Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her, and some translations emphasize. Only one thing is necessary, highlights how important it is to have our eyes on Jesus as we plan with purpose instead of letting this pressure run us throughout the season. And in Luke chapter eight, verse 14, Jesus warns us that when the word is choked by the cares, riches and pleasures of life, it does not mature and bear fruit. So holiday perfectionism works in the same way. It chokes what really matters to us. And here's the thing. The intentional time you spend with your kids throughout the year matters more than the perfectly decorated holidays or the biggest gifts. The anticipation and excitement of the season builds on the relationship that you've already nurtured all year,. Just like my grandparents did. The magic wasn't in the season itself. It was in the connection that was already there. And that understanding naturally leads us to the next step. What can you do to make your holidays meaningful without pressure? So the first thing I want you to think about and really open yourself up to is to be open to new traditions or beginnings, Because your kids grow and some old ones that you've already established are going to naturally fade. But that doesn't mean that the memories or the connections are lost, it actually gives you an opportunity to create something new, which we're gonna talk about in just a little bit. And then the second thing I want you to do is to simplify your plans, pick a few meaningful activities and plan for those. For us, the big activities are going to see the Christmas lights and baking Christmas cookies. Now, those are also the ones that my husband and I will spend more time planning and budgeting for, because it does require some financial means and it also requires time for us to be available for these things. We also have smaller activities, but those are not complicated and don't require so much. So I just work those in between the two big activities that we typically plan for each year. And then the third thing I want you to keep in mind and to practice doing is to say no, which can be hard for us because we want to do everything around the holidays, right? But saying no to extra stress where possible is going to help you tremendously remove that pressure of the holidays. So, for example, that could mean that you are passing up on adding new decor to what is already existing in your collection. when you are passing up on these new decor, you're actually saving yourself the stress and the financial burden of adding more things that's already into your collection. And then another example is saying, no, to Friendsgiving this year, or white elephant if it becomes a financial burden. And there's nothing wrong with that. You can go to one or two, but you don't have to go to every single thing that you are invited to. That's essentially what I am getting at here. So now that we've talked about what matters, let's dial in even further with one simple memory anchor that you can repeat. And this is what I was talking about earlier, about being open to new beginnings. see as your kids grow, their interest is going to change. So maybe pumpkin patches are not a thing that you do anymore. Our kids are in the season where they're slowly growing out of that. And so that, has slowly phased out over the years for us, and it's sad, but I still love the memories that we've had. Instead, this is going to be an opportunity for us to find something new to do as a family together. So it doesn't have to be complicated. In fact, I want you to keep it simple so that it can be repeated throughout the year. That means this doesn't have to be Pinterest perfect or elaborate Don't feel pressure to figure it out right away of what this new tradition could be. It's important to just feel your way through it. Maybe this year you try something and it wasn't a huge win for everyone, so that just means onto the next, it's not a fail. It's actually pretty cool to see yourself grow through the seasons with your kids. But the reason why I want you to keep it simple is because it is something that is going to become yours as a family. And so that could just be something like hot chocolate and movie night, For us around Thanksgiving, we used to go to pumpkin patches, but now this year we're probably just gonna play some games. And then for Christmas we always watch home Alone, the original one because it's the best one, and eat little pretzel bites that I've been making over the past couple years. And my kids love helping me put it together too,'cause it's super easy and simple. So that's what it looks like for us. Those are our memory anchors. And the reason creating this memory anchor is important is because it's going to build consistency. And consistency matters. When your family knows that there's this one special thing that you always do together, it builds the anticipation, it deepens the connection. Of the relationship and it brings in that wholesome joy that you've been wanting to bring into your home for the holidays. These repeatable moments become a memory anchor that your family is going to remember for years. They create meaningful experiences rooted in presence, which means the decorations or the pressure to cook an elaborate meal are not going to hold you hostage during the busyness of the season. So now you know what the impact of a simple, repeatable memory can have. You might be wondering How do you actually create one without Mom guilt lingering over you? I would say start small. This is going to eliminate the pressure for you to add more onto your plate. So think about what is something that you can do within your routine that you've already established throughout the year. Is it a simple movie night? Perhaps it's taking a stroll after dinner., And you can make it holiday specific by playing a favorite holiday movie or if you're going on a stroll playing the game I Spy where you look for things specific to that season or holiday. And if your neighbors decorate their home, that's gonna be even more fun. My kids loved this. They absolutely loved playing. I Spy whenever we would take our evening strolls. And if your neighbors don't decorate their homes for whatever reason, then this is also a perfect opportunity for you to ask questions relating to the holiday. So if it's Thanksgiving, you know, asking them what they are thankful for. And if it's Christmas, then ask the question why do they believe Jesus was born? And it's not about who's right or wrong, But this does give you an opportunity to steward faith in them even more. And the second thing is invite participation. Let your kids collaborate with you, so if your tradition involves baking. Or any type of treats, let them have their own batch and make it fun and memorable and you know, it's no extra stress for you because they're technically planning the activities that they want to do. And then the third thing is to let go of the picture. Perfect. And what I mean by this is. There is this idea that you have to get the most candid holiday shot or the most perfect holiday photo, And to do that can be stressful. I'm talking about no mess in the home, no spilled flour from baking or toys on the floor. That honestly is nearly impossible, at least in my house, and it's only realistic in a styled shoot. Now I have taken my family pictures the last two or three years. I'm not a professional by any means, but I will tell you there is always a section that looks clean while everything else is a hot mess, and this is exactly how it's played out in my house. I'll look at the camera screen and I'll ask my kids to move their books, their toys or clothes out of the shot, and. What you get is this holiday picture that looks incredibly festive, but in real life, everything outside of that shot looks like a hot mess because in real life, my house is not always perfectly tidy. And you know what? That's okay. Now, I'm not saying not to take the photos. I want you to take as many pictures as you want, but I want you to remove that pressure that you put on yourself to keep your house spotless while trying to enjoy the moment, and that is going to make a huge difference because as your kids get older and they look back on those pictures, they're not going to. Look at the toys that were all over the floor. They're going to see and remember certain moments, in that time that you've captured, and it's such a beautiful thing. My kids love going back and looking at past photos and talking about memories that stuck out to them, And it always feels good, and I want that for you too. So let's recap what we talked about today, which is to plan with purpose and not pressure. This is where you decide what truly matters most to your family this season. And of course, I want you to give yourself permission to let go of everything else. As Luke eight four reminds us that the cares and pressures of life can choke what really matters. So choose purpose that protects the joy and presence that we want to nurture this holiday season. So pick one simple memory anchor that your family can look forward to. Keep it simple and involve your kids. And of course, let go of the need for perfect decorations or perfectly staged photos. The imperfectness of your life are going to be what sticks with your family for years to come. At the end of the day, it's not about magical Pinterest holidays or doing all the things. It's about showing up, being present, and making intentional choices that reflect what truly matters. That's what makes the holidays meaningful. So just a heads up, the restored mind will be slowing down this month with biweekly episodes instead of the usual weekly episodes. That way I can spend more intentional time with my own family this holiday season. And you'll have more space to put these ideas into practice with yours as well as being more intentional with them. And that is truly the reason why the restored mind is slowing down this holiday season. So be sure to join the online community. The link is in the show notes for any daily encouragement and a peek behind the scenes of what's coming up next. Until next time, keep showing up. Being present and becoming the mom you want to be. And when things get hard, mama, just remember you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.