140 | Why Holiday Comparison Triggers Mom Guilt (And How to Stop It)

Hey Mama!

Feeling like everyone else's holiday season looks more magical than yours? You're not alone, mama. As a Christian mom, it's easy to fall into the comparison trapwhen scrolling through perfectly decorated homes and picture-perfect family moments. But here's the truth: comparison steals your joy and fuels mom guilt.

Key Takeaways:

• How to notice your comparison triggers before they spiral into guilt
• The power of a boundary phrase to anchor your family's values and keep things simple
• Biblical encouragement to fix your eyes on what God has given your family this season

You'll learn practical ways to embrace peace over pressure and create meaningful memories without the weight of unrealistic expectations.

Ready to break free from holiday comparison? Press play and let's choose joy together.

More FREE Resources:

Take The Quiz: Discover Your Mom Guilt Type

FREE Community: Break Free From Mom Guilt

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Email: Hello@restoredmindllc.com

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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Scrolling through those picture perfect holiday homes and suddenly feeling like you're not doing enough comparison is stealing your joy before the season even starts. And today I'm sharing two simple ways to catch those thoughts and choose presence so you can enjoy this season with your family. Hey Mama. Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt. I'm Caroline Tao, helping Christian moms trade perfectionism for freedom and rest. Welcome to the Restored Mind, where Biblical wisdom meets practical strategies for becoming the mom You've always wanted to be ready. Let's do this. As a gift to you in celebration of the Restored Minds third birthday. I am so excited to share with you the Discover Your Mom Guilt Quiz. This is such a powerful tool to help you understand your specific mom guilt type. You'll finally know exactly what's triggering those mom guilt moments and how to respond in a way that will work for you. It's like having a roadmap to break free from the cycle. The link is in the show notes. And mama, I cannot wait for you to discover the freedom that lies ahead. So go and take that quiz today. All right, so as we are starting this episode, I want to say thank you for being a part of the Restored Mind family. I really do not say that enough, but I especially wanted to say thank you because the Restored Mind is celebrating. Its. Third birthday this month, and I have taken the time to really reflect on its journey as a whole, and it has been truly beautiful, not only on the back end, but also being able to serve you and help you along in your journey. So thank you for being here and a happy birthday to the restored mind. I'm so excited to see what lies ahead, and I am forever grateful for having gone through the things that I've gone through so that I can help at least. Point you back in a biblical direction that will help anchor you as you break free from mom. Guilt. The holidays are quickly approaching. I mean, Thanksgiving is literally right around the corner and then I just believe that time is going to amp up and it is going to be Christmas before we know it. With these biweekly episodes that has been happening with the restored mind, it was created to give time back to my family to be present Because just like you, I'm pretty sure that we are all fighting throughout the year to be able to have more time with our family. And so these biweekly episodes that are happening from here through the end of December was really for that reason, Now, along with that extra time, sometimes admittingly, I can get stuck in doom scrolling, and I think you might know what that means. It's when you're on social media and you are just scrolling through all of the posts that people may be making or watching these really short videos on Instagram, and it keeps you stuck in that moment and before you know it, you've been on your phone for more than an hour. Giggling and laughing, liking and sharing. And so that was me a couple years back. Especially around the holidays because I love fall decor And especially around Christmas time with all of the hollies, the bells and the bows, and it's just was something that really would draw up even more anticipation for me around the holidays. So doom scrolling was my enemy because I would start thinking that I needed. Other things from looking at these random influencers who would decorate their tree to be perfect, and they would include links, which by the way, I did check out just to see how much something would cost and where they got this thing from. So as I was doom scrolling, I thought that it was something that was harmless, that I was just trying to pass time waiting for something to bake in the oven, or waiting for my kids to wake up. And I didn't realize it, that I was slowly creeping myself into this comparison mindset. I thought maybe I was doing it wrong, that I needed more tinsels and more garlands. But what I realized over the years is that this comparison mindset was. Stealing my joy before the holidays even began. Because if you notice all of these reels on Instagram, these pictures and advertisements, they start coming out right at the end of October and early November. So it would just hype you up mentally to get yourself ready for the holidays. And of course, they want you to shop their link, right? It's a means for them to make a living. Not that I'm against that, but as someone who was not consumer. Um, conscious, I realized that I was just falling into every trap that there was out there, and so when I realized that comparison was stealing my joy before the holidays even began, I also realized that I was not enjoying what I already had. I was comparing the way I was celebrating and the decorations that I already had against someone else's best captured. Moments that was on social media. And so mama, if you've ever felt that way too, like your holiday isn't festive enough, or you are not doing enough. Just know that you are not alone. And this is the perfect opportunity for you to turn from scrolling to the savior. And I'm only talking about doom scrolling here, but you replace whatever that is that looks like distraction. For you when you get into the comparison mindset. much like Peter in the storm. The moment our eyes shift to the wind of not enough, we end up sinking. So we look back to Jesus and choose presence. I'll talk more about that in just a little bit. But one practical way to do that would be to notice the trigger. So I want you to start paying attention to the exact moments comparison shows up in your mind. This is going to take some mental note taking and self-auditing. So start thinking, is it when I'm scrolling on social media or when I'm in casual conversations with my friends? what does it look like when comparison shows up? And then I want you to also think, what does my mind say to myself in the middle of these things? if you're saying, man, I should be doing more, or I should be more like her. Those would be thoughts of comparison. Start paying attention to these triggers because they matter. It matters because comparison is stealing the joy that comes when you are present in the moment with your family for the holidays. It's gonna keep you distracted and busy instead of actually enjoying the time with them. And so when you get in the habit of doom scrolling or you're too busy keeping tabs on what this person is doing or what that person is doing, it keeps you stuck in a cycle where your mood and your thoughts continue to rise and fall. And at the end of the day, you're gonna be the one that feels like you are simply not enough. So for me, I started feeling a. Like bits and pieces of me were being taken away when I started living in this comparison mindset. It's like I was really excited for the holidays and then bit by bit that excitement. Just diminished slowly because I started thinking that I needed to do more, whether it be to add more decor, to be more festive in some way. I started thinking, well, what if my kids don't have these memories because I'm not doing enough? You know? And so I don't want that for you, and that's why this episode is launching at the time that it is, because it is right before the hustle and bustle of the holidays. So anyway, got a little bit off topic there, But I really just wanna say, don't like comparison. Keep your eyes locked on what someone else is doing. Instead, bring your eyes back on over to God. And so I mentioned Peter A. Little bit earlier on in this episode in Matthew, chapter 14. You can see that the disciples were out on the waters in a boat. It was really dark, and they saw Jesus walking on water. But they were also afraid because they weren't sure who that is. And Peter who's very bold, says, Lord, if it is you, Call me and I will come over to you. Now, I am paraphrasing this here, but I want you to go back to Matthew chapter 14 and read it for yourself'cause it's so powerful. I want you to take your time as you read that passage to be more specific. This is Matthew chapter 14, and it starts at verse 22, and it ends at verse 33. So Peter gets on the water because Jesus says, come so he gets out of the boat, walks on the water, and the moment that he pays attention to the wind, he sinks in. But we also see something here that is so beautiful where it's in that moment where he falls into the water. He calls out to Jesus, he says, Lord, save me. Those three words, Lord, save me, is such a testament to how often we need to say that to our Lord. We need to call out to him and say, Lord, save me. I'm in this comparison mindset and I can't get out of it. Or, I'm having a hard time trying to be present with my families. Lord, save me. And help me remember who you are, you know Jesus immediately reaches out his hand and he took hold of Peter saying to him, oh, you of little faith. Why did you doubt? And this story right here, this passage in the Bible is always going to be one that I love referring back to because while the wind, the storm is really a storm here, we can replace that with anything that is hard in our life that keeps us distracted and keeps us away from Jesus. So maybe this season it's all of the holiday decor. It's the doom scrolling that I've been talking about all episode long, but it could be something else too. Maybe you are comparing this year's holiday to last year's holiday. Maybe you feel like there was more abundance last year than this year, and so this year just feels, you know, a little bit empty. And so whatever that looks like, I want to encourage you to keep your eyes on Jesus and be encouraged that. The faith that you have to even call out to him is going to be the faith that pulls you out of the water. Now, it might not be immediately, but it is going to be one that continues to keep you at peace and continues to keep that joy that you want to have in your family, especially around the holidays Because the truth is comparison is going to steal your presence before you even realize it. And it keeps your mood rising and falling. And. You know, if you're looking at someone's best moments that they've took the time to curate for any social media presence of whatever capacity, then it's going to make you think that you're not doing enough. And so bring your eyes back over to God and what he's given your family this season, because if you don't, you will miss out. And I don't want you to miss out because like I said earlier, We fight all year long to be with our family, to have more time with our family. So let's not get distracted. And so here's some practical ways that you can break free. So the first one is just. Start paying attention to where your mind goes. I talked about this a little bit earlier on, but really what I want you to do is start asking yourself, what is it I'm thinking in the moment that I started comparing? that would be such a great question for you to ask as you are internally auditing yourself. And of course, Do a mental quick check-in with yourself. Notice what your moods are and what your emotions are, and if it helps, you can always type that into your phone very quickly. It doesn't have to be any long paragraphs. The main point of this mental check-in is not so that you can judge yourself for having these reactions. It's simply to become aware of them. And the thing is, you cannot change what you don't notice. So practice catching yourself in those comparison moments before they take over your whole day. And when you notice the trigger, you can choose to respond differently instead of letting comparison keep you in this cycle of overwhelm. Essentially what I'm trying to say is you can rewire your mind to let go of that comparison mindset so that you can be fully present and enjoy the time with your family. Once you notice the trigger, I don't want you to debate it. I don't want you to think, well, is this it? Is this comparison? No, you are not going to try to justify the comparison, but you are going to redirected. This is going to be your cue to speak your boundary phrase and fix your eyes on what God has given your family this season. It is such a great way for you to honor him with gratitude a boundary phrase is going to be what you say as a reminder to yourself when comparison starts to creep in, it acts like a circuit breaker between when things trigger you and your thoughts. What if the comparison is that you are in conversation with your friend in their holiday activities. And it seems like they're doing so much like going the Polar Express train and going to the mountains or the cabins for the Christmas, break and They're taking all of the presents there because they're gonna be opening their gifts in this beautiful log cabin in the mountains where it's snowing. I'm setting this image up because that's something that I've always wanted to do anyway. it can make you feel like, wow, you know, I'm just gonna be home this year and it can make you feel like, oh my gosh, my kids are missing out because they don't get to experience this, but. This is why your boundary phrase is incredibly important. It brings you back to what is true this season for you and the values that you want to highlight this season with your family. It also helps you remember whatever this season's limits might be, and let's be real. With every season there's going to be a limit, whether it be with budget time or just something else, and it gives you an opportunity to become very real about what these boundaries are. An example phrase would be we keeping it simple. And that's something that my husband and I actually do every year. We try to keep it simple. So I want you to, in that moment, think about what the boundary phrase actually means. What were the left and right limits of these phrases? Without this phrase, you'll continue to stay stuck in the cycle of comparison, or you won't know what to do anymore after you've already pointed out the triggers for yourself. And so this is going to give you that action that you need to take so that you don't spiral into the cycle of comparison, which by the way, can quickly spiral into mom guilt when you think that you aren't meeting certain expectations that you've set for yourself the boundary phrase reminds you that life is not a ruler. It's not a measuring stick for who is doing better than who. It removes the worries and the pressure, and honestly, it replaces those unwanted feelings with peace and joy, knowing that you are sticking to your phrases and moving in a direction that helps you complete whatever goals you may have. To drive home. This example of we're keeping it simple. We usually do that because we've planned past the holidays. What big vacations do we wanna take over the summer? Or what big thing do we wanna do next year? And so when we say we're keeping it simple, it means that yes, there's gonna be some financial boundaries. There's going to be some traveling boundaries. And there might be even some gifting boundaries. So there's a reason for all of that. It's because we want to also be able to travel, uh, during the summer and go on vacations and let our life grow from there and not. Have everything poured into just this one time. So with all of that being said, how would you pick your boundary phrase? I want you to pick a phrase that feels doable and realistic for you. And then define what your phrase means. Think about what will you do, what will you not do? And what exceptions, if there are any, are there. So, for example, our family is, let's keep it simple this year, or we're keeping it simple. Something like that. The word simplicity is definitely in there. And so it means that we are not going to be traveling far distances. We will not host dinners. Our menus will be kept simple because it honestly is just us, and we'll have more at home activities instead of going out to entertain ourselves, like going to the arcades, for example, because my kids love going to the arcades. And for family five, it can get really expensive. So the exceptions might be that if we have family coming over to visit us, or if we want to designate one day to host friends, then we'll keep the invite to just a few people so that we can focus on catching up with them and building our relationship with them. But if we decide to host them as well, we also know that we won't be doing it on the day of. It'll be a couple of days before. So that way we can reserve the actual holidays to simplicity, which is what we wanted. Once you define what your phrase means, I want you to write it down in your journal or type it out on your phone. The main goal of this is to put it somewhere that you can see as a reminder. You could even write down a Bible verse to help support your focus and help you keep your eyes on God, And also continue to have this conversation with your husband so that you can check in with him as well to make sure both of you are on the same page. And then finally, I want you to use it when you need it. It is really easy to do the other work to think about the phrase you wanna use, to figure out what your limitations are, and then to write it down. But it's not going to be helpful if you don't. Put it into practice. So yes, use it when you need it. Read it out loud, continue to visit it, and challenge yourself to invite God into this space daily so that this boundary phrase continues to stay anchored in your actions. This is going to be the most powerful way for you to move past the comparison mindset. Especially around the holidays all right, mama, let's bring it home. We are nearing the end of this episode and I want you to remember, and I want, that was a hard work to say. Let's start again, and I want you to remember that when comparison starts creeping in this holiday season, There are these two ways that you can stop it in its tracks. The first one is to notice the trigger. Catch those moments when you're scrolling or comparing yourself to someone else. And then secondly, choose your boundary phrase. And define what it actually means for you and your family. Also, add a Bible verse and keep your eyes on Jesus, the goal is to have more peace and less pressure over the holidays and comparison will very quickly steal that from you. If you let that cycle continue to control you. I can only imagine the kind of peace and calm Peter felt when he was walking on water and looking at Jesus. And I strive to have that kind of peace in my life and as a holidays approach. I want that for you too, so that you can break free from mom guilt, stop the comparison cycle and become the mom you've always wanted to be. Now, I know that it can be hard at times, but you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.