147 | Mom Guilt When You Keep Failing: Why Your Past Doesn't Define You

*This episode is part of the Grace Over Guilt: Reset & Refocus mini series

Hey Mama!

Ever feel like you're stuck in a pattern of failing as a mom—losing your temper, reaching for your phone, or breaking promises to yourself? You're not alone, mama. This episode is for the Christian mom who feels like her past mistakes define her future⁠⁠.

Key Takeaways:

• Why "I'm just not that kind of mom" is keeping you stuck⁠
• Fixed mindset vs. growth mindset in motherhood
• Biblical encouragement from Isaiah 43:19 reminding you that God is doing something new—right now⁠

⁠​You'll learn practical ways to reframe your so-called failures as lessons, trust God's timing over your own, and take one small step that proves you're not quitting on yourself⁠⁠.

Ready to break free from mom guilt? Take the Discover Your Mom Guilt Type Quiz and break free today. 

Grace Over Guilt: Reset & Refocus Playlist:

144 | Why Mom Guilt Makes You Wait For The Perfect Moment To Start

145 | What to Do When Your New Year Goals Start To Feel Boring

146 | God's Grace For The Mom Who Feels Behind

More FREE Resources:

Take The Quiz: Discover Your Mom Guilt Type

FREE Community: Break Free From Mom Guilt

Become a Restored Mind Family Member: Sign Up Here

Instagram: @_restoredmind

Email: Hello@restoredmindllc.com

Leave A Review On Apple Podcast

It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

0:00

You keep asking, what if I fail again? But Mama, what if that's not even the right question. What if God's already making a way and you're the one stepping out of it? stay with me on this one because it's happening right now. Welcome to the Restored Mind. Biblical wisdom, simple steps. No more mom guilt. I'm Caroline Tao. Let's do this. If you're ready to finally understand what's behind those moments of mom guilt, like really get to the root of it, take the Discover Your Mom guilt quiz. This isn't just another personality test. It is your first step towards breaking free from the mom guilt cycle and discovering exactly what's holding you back so you can move forward with clarity and peace. The link to that quiz is in the show notes. Mama. Alright. Welcome back and Happy Wednesday. We are going to dive right into our grace over guilt, reset and refocus miniseries, where I'm guiding you through low pressure goal setting, how to navigate burnout and all the things. This is going to be the last episode in this miniseries, but keep in mind that this miniseries isn't just for the month of January, but really it's for any time of the year that you want to do a reset and refocus. So if you haven't already saved this miniseries and re-listen to it for when you find yourself in that type of season. Now to kick off the rest of this episode, I have a question to ask you. Have you ever started something and then you found yourself having this on again, off again, journey with it? See, I had spent 15 years with this. On again, off again, relationship with my health, or really to clarify, I should say, my fitness journey. I would start off really strong and then life would get busy. I would run into some type of challenge that I personally didn't know how to navigate at the time. So I would stop and then I would start again and stop again, and on and on and on. It went for 15 years, and then of course after enough cycles of that. Something dangerous happened along the way, and that was that I started to believe that I just couldn't do it. I mean, my track record became my identity. But here's what I finally realized when I took a step back and made the commitment to just sit through the uncomfortable stages. My problem wasn't that I didn't reach my goals. My problem was that I kept quitting on myself, and every time I did it reinforced the lie. I wasn't capable of change. And mama, I see this same pattern with mom. Guilt. You try to be more patient and then you snap. You commit to putting your phone down, but then you find yourself scrolling again. And then you tell yourself, you know what? Tomorrow's going to be a better day because I'm gonna do better. And tomorrow ends up looking and feeling the same. And so after enough rounds of this, you start to believe the lie of, I just can't do this. I mean, this is who I am, but what if the fear of failure isn't actually about missing the mark? What if it's about quitting on yourself so many times that you started to believe that God can't work in you? So let's talk about what's really happening here, because once you see it, it changes everything. And you know, I have to say that trying and failing is actually not a dangerous game. What's dangerous is letting your failures convince you that you are a person who cannot follow through. I mean, every time you stop, you've probably said it to yourself. See, I knew I couldn't do this, and every time you quit, you've made sure that that lie just gets a little bit louder. The lie that says, you know, I can't do this because this is who I am. See, this is where what you're saying to yourself matters. Those words that you say to yourself internally shape your attitude and your actions, believe it or not, but they simply do. So if I say I'm just not a patient mom and I continue to say that to myself over and over again I'm gonna start believing that I am not a patient mom. And honestly, it bleeds into everything else that I do too. The problem was never that you couldn't reach your goals. The problem was that you kept quitting on yourself. And every time you did it reinforced the look that you weren't capable of change. So when I say the look, I mean you witnessed it, right? You saw that you weren't capable of change because. Feel like you failed again. And also, that's just another one for the books. It's another track record that you have. And if you're anything like me, you probably weren't proud of it. Now, I'm not saying that you completely threw in the towel when you lost your temper or became distracted on your phone because honestly, those things happen. But with intention, it can become better. You can have more self-control. The more that you work on it, you can become more patient, the more that you work on it. Now what I'm talking about is when you solidify that you cannot do something simply because of, quote unquote how you are, this my friend, is a fixed mindset, and I don't want you to be in a fixed mindset. I want you to be in a growth mindset where growth happens, and when you stay in a fixed mindset, you believe that you can't change because. You look and see that your track record or your past hasn't been looking too good., It has at some point become your identity and have started to make you believe that your past behaviors or your past patterns are stronger than God's power to make you new. But Isaiah 43 19 says, see, I am doing a new thing now. It springs up. Do you not perceive it? Okay. If you know me, I'm about to jump into some scripture very quickly because this is so, so good. So in the verses right before the one I just read, starting at verses 16 and 17, Isaiah is reminding the Israelites to look back at when God parted the Red Sea and made a way for them. So he was essentially saying, Remember when God showed up big time? But then in verse 18, he says, don't remember the former things. And at first it sounds contradicting, right? Because I know for me it did. But here's what Isaiah's really saying. He says, yes. Remember God's faithfulness. See how he showed up in the past? But don't stay stuck there limited by what you've seen before because God is doing something new right now and it's already springing up. So how does that connect to you, mama? The thing is you can look back at your track record all those times that you've tried and you stopped and you see that God was still there. I mean, he had been there all along, but you don't have to stay stuck in that story of you continuing to mess up or continuing to have this on again off again, journey through the transformation that you want to see happen, the question is. Do I see it? Do I see what God's already making a way for? And maybe you're thinking. But I don't see it. So what happens now? What if I look and I still can't see what God is doing? Don't panic, mama. That's okay. Because the truth is I'm not asking this question for you to see the full picture because honestly you don't have to see the full picture to take the next step. Sometimes the new thing God is doing is so quiet and so subtle that all you can do is trust that it's there. Even when you don't fully understand what it is. Yet, the point isn't to have it all figured out. The point is to stop letting your past convince you that God can't move, that he's not bigger than your failures or what you're deeming as a failure. Trust isn't about seeing clearly, it's about believing he's working even when you can't see the work yet. So how can you live this out? I have a couple of things that you can start doing today that is going to be so incredibly helpful for you. Instead of asking, what if I fail again? Start asking, what if God is already making a way, and I just need to stop stepping out of it, meaning I need to keep in step with the Spirit. And if you felt like I was talking to you directly, mama, that was not a call out. It was said with so much love, but it makes me think about myself as well. I am so guilty of stepping out of God's way and trying to force something to happen on my own timing, and I've come to find many times that I usually cause more heartache, more chaos for myself, and so. Going back to him is always going to be the answer, and staying in step with him is going to give you that peace and that freedom to be able to mess up and still receive grace. Another thing you can do is to reframe your so-called failures as lessons lived out in real time shaping you to become the mom that you want to be. So what I mean by this, is you are going to be thinking about what was the biggest takeaway from that so-called failure. And I want you to think about the takeaway as a way that you can move forward, not something that keeps you stuck so you're not going to say something like, I knew that this was me. This has always been me. I'm always like this. That's going to keep you stuck. So maybe that is apologizing to your child for losing your temper, or it's taking accountability and realizing that you wanna work on self-control. Maybe it's when you're grabbing your phone mindlessly, just to see if there was any notifications on there. I know I'm very guilty of that because sometimes I'll pick up my phone and tap the screen and be thinking, what was I even doing with this? It just reminds me that I have built a habit of picking up my phone when it wasn't necessary, and so I'm in the process of rebuilding that habit to not always grab for my phone when I'm not doing anything. And then finally, trust that transformation takes time. It honestly does, and it can be very awkward in that season where you really want to see that growth happen or you really want to reach a certain goal and just feels like, quote, unquote, nothing is happening, but transformation just truly takes time and that timing. It's not anything that we can control. We can definitely work towards it, but all of that is to say that God's timing is not the same as yours. And. Sometimes it just doesn't happen when we want it to. So continue to show up and continue to work on that goal. And mama, I know that you've been carrying this belief that you're just not that quote unquote kind of mom. You know, the one who follows through, the one who doesn't snap, the one who stays consistent. But what if that's not true? What if every time you've stumbled wasn't proof that you can't change, but proof that you are willing and still trying to change? God sees that and he knows your heart and your mind, and trust me, there's going to be transformation that happens and correction that happens, and the thing is he's not waiting for you to get it perfect. He's already doing something new in you right now. So here's what I want you to do this week. The next time you catch yourself thinking, I always do this, I'll never change. I want you to stop, take a breath, And ask yourself, what's one small thing I can do right now that's going to prove I'm not quitting on myself again? Maybe it's apologizing to your kid. Maybe it's putting your phone in another room. Maybe it's just saying out loud, Hey, I'm learning here, and whatever it is, do that one thing because mama, you can become the mom you want to be, not because you're perfect, but because God's got this and you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.