148 | Mom Guilt When You Feel Like You Haven't Accomplished Anything

Hey Mama!

Do you ever look at your life and wonder if you've accomplished anything that actually counts?

You're caught in an invisible rulebook—measuring your days against everyone else's best moments, tying your worth to how the house looks or how your kids behave. When you scroll and see other moms hitting milestones, it feels like you're always behind, like what you're doing doesn't measure up.

But here's the truth this episode reveals: your identity in Christ isn't up for review. You'll discover how to anchor your worth in who God says you are—not what you produce or how your day compares to hers. Through biblical encouragement rooted in Ephesians 2:10, you'll learn to catch yourself doing the invisible work that builds patience and self-control, the very qualities God is using to prepare you for what's next. This is grace and peace for the Christian mom ready to stop chasing approval and walk in the freedom of motherhood God designed for you.

Key Takeaways:

• Your worth is settled in Christ
• The invisible work matters
• Break the comparison trap

Take the Discover Your Mom Guilt Quiz and find your personalized path to freedom from mom guilt. 

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

0:01

Do you ever just look at your life and think, I haven't accomplished anything, like somehow the years just disappeared and you have nothing to prove you're doing it right. What if the Invisible rule book you're carrying was never yours to follow? Stay with me because this changes everything. Welcome to the Restored Mind. Biblical wisdom, simple steps. No more mom guilt. I'm Caroline Tao. Let's do this. Ready to discover what's really behind that guilt that you've been carrying. Take the Discover Your Mom Guilt quiz, and finally get clarity on the patterns, keeping you stuck. Here's why this matters. When you understand your specific guilt type, you stop spinning your wheels, trying every solution and start focusing on what actually works for you. It's like having a personalized roadmap to freedom and it only takes a few minutes. The link is in the show notes. Mama. All right. Hello and welcome back. I hope that you've grabbed your coffee, your water, or whatever it is that you want to sip on because Mama, I am ready to chat about today's conversation, so I have a question to ask you, or maybe there's two questions, but we'll see. Have you ever found yourself wondering if what you're doing is enough and then that thought leads to more thoughts of you feeling like you haven't accomplished anything in life? It kind of feels like you. Get on a hamster wheel and then you just don't get off of it. But here's what I mean. A while back, my high school reunion was coming up and the thought of it spiraled me into this question, what have I actually done with my life the past 10 years? Because to be honest, I can name two things that were really life changing. One, I married my high school sweetheart, and then two, which you could probably guess I became a mom. But in that moment, I thought about all of the aspirations and the dreams that I had as a young girl and how different my life looked now Compared to what I had dreamed of. Now, I didn't have any special titles attached to my name. I wasn't director of anything. My title was wife and mom. And then all of a sudden I started to feel like I was less than that I had quote unquote, wasted 10 years. And then here's the kicker. Then came the guilt for wanting even more. Like how could I be so ungrateful that I get to be at home with my kids? And I have a loving husband, so you know, maybe you've been there too. You look around or you're scrolling on social media and it feels like everyone else has something to show for their life. A title maybe, or a career milestone. Or maybe you see moms reaching their fitness goals or whatever kind of goals they have, and they just have something to prove that they're doing it right. When you can't pinpoint that same kind of achievement, you start to wonder, what have I actually done? Like somehow all of that time just disappeared. But here is what I want us to talk about today. It's where is that measuring stick coming from? Because the truth is. We're all carrying around this invisible rule book that tells us what a quote unquote good mom or a quote unquote successful woman or a successful mom is supposed to look like. And most of the time we didn't write the rule books it's just coming from societal norms or what's being presented to us. But let's shift our focus today. Because God gets to say who you are and it's not your resume. It's not your titles or your to-do list because your identity is not up for debate. It is not something that is earned by what you do. I really like how Paul says in Ephesians two 10, for we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus, for which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. So what are good works if it's not our titles and our accomplishments? So what Paul is getting at when he says, we're God's workmanship, it means God has created us. We are his masterpiece, his work of art, and it's all grace. He saved us to make something beautiful out of our life and that beautiful thing is a new life. When you come to know him and have been changed by his love, you start seeing things differently and you begin to notice what actually matters. And that new life, well, it's alive, it's moving. The good works aren't about proving anything. They're evidence that what you're doing is fruitful. And because of what God and Jesus have done, you get to keep in step with the Holy Spirit. So whatever you're doing. Do it with him and if it's not proving fruitful or doesn't feel aligned with him, pause and recalibrate because here's where we get lost. We start focusing on what we lack, like a title, for example, or a certain skillset or, and this used to be something that I was silently ashamed of, but the impressive answer when someone asks what we've been up to, or maybe I should say the unimpressive answer when someone asks what we've been up to, because for me, I used to say things like, oh, I've just been with the kids or nothing much. Just been at home with the kids. And as I'm saying that, I start to feel. A little bit smaller, like I'm missing out on something. And honestly, when we can't pinpoint to something that feels quote unquote enough, then we start believing that we are not enough or that we're not good enough. And the results for one team more just traps us into thinking that we are not good moms. But that's not what God says. He designed you with purpose and what he's prepared for you, it's already complete. Jesus said it is finished, and so here's why. That changes everything for you. If you are a perfectionist mom, you're probably thinking if you do that thing just right, if you plan well enough, get that one title or recognition, or have a clean house and the kids are obedient, then you're doing it right. But guess what? That invisible rule book is exhausting for many reasons, but mainly because it doesn't make sense when life is moving. I think a lot of us, look at life like it's a still shot, where things are just placed perfectly But it's not. Life is moving. It doesn't stand still. And so yes, maybe you can get your house to be spotless, but it will get messy again. And yes, your kids can be obedient, but kids will be kids. They will make messes. They're going to have tantrums. They're not going to understand everything, and it can get frustrating and so on and so forth. Because again, life is not a still picture. It's happening in motion it took me a while to wrap my mind around that because I could logistically comprehend it. But then to live it out with grace and with peace is a whole nother journey. Then if you fall into the comparison mom trap, which I have done before, it is most likely going to make you constantly wonder why your life doesn't look a certain way. so when you see someone doing better than you, you begin to feel like you failed somehow. An example I can give is this, if you're a mom who snaps at her kids and it doesn't make you feel good, but you do it because you're frustrated and in the moment you forget that you've already told yourself multiple times that you wouldn't do this again, but then you hang out with. Some of your friends who are also moms and you're all on a play date and everything's going well, and then there's a hiccup where someone else's child is talking to their mom, and you see how patient they are in the midst of a tantrum or in the midst of some kind of chaos, and then you start to think, well, why can't I be like that? Because I know I would've already flipped out. We would've already left, or I wouldn't have given a second chance. And so when you think about that and you see how they're interacting with their kid, it almost makes you feel like you've somehow failed. And then whatever you have accomplished, it just feels like it's not quite enough because now you feel like you're always behind. And the thing is, in these examples, these moms, they are letting the world. Set the standard for them and the world standard is, let's be honest, exhausting, relentless, and always changing. But God is steadfast and he's constant. He required a perfect spotless lamb. And Jesus is that that means that your worth isn't up for debate. It's not up for review. Every time you find yourself scrolling and comparing every time your house is messy, or every time someone else hits a milestone and you feel like you haven't quote unquote done anything, the thing is your identity is settled. And when you anchor in that truth, you stop chasing approval and you start walking in the purpose that he's already given you. So what that means for you and me is that we don't have to be perfect, right? Yay. We don't have to be perfect or live in the past or continue to chase everyone else. We can anchor ourselves to him and learn to be steadfast in the work that we are doing right now, which. Means We are gonna focus on what is in front of us, our kids, our family, our home, and then everything else is supplementary to what we have already, and that is the start of a strong foundation in my personal opinion. So how can you actually live this out? Well, first, bring awareness to the forefront. That's always my number one thing. Bring awareness, which means you have to be the one to catch yourself back in the mindset of wondering if what you're doing is enough. I want you to pause and reframe that thought. When you do find yourself. Bringing awareness to whatever that thought is. And here's what I mean. Let's say you are scrolling on social media and you see a mom who just got promoted or just launched a business or has met her goal, and then that familiar feeling hits you. You start asking, what have I even done with my life? So in that moment, pause right there. Take note of it, and then ask yourself, am I going down this thought to inspire myself? Or to compare, because if it's gonna be used to inspire me, then I should not be feeling defeated. I should not be feeling disappointed, and maybe that I'm not enough. Right? If it's used to inspire, it should be that her story or whatever she's posted is going to make you want to take action in your own. Life. And not that you want her life, but you want to move forward. And that is something that inspires you to do it. So you can look at it from two different ways. And so that's why it's so important for you to bring awareness because when you start asking yourself, am I doing this because I'm going down the rabbit hole of comparison to put myself down? Or am I going down this thought to inspire myself? Answering that question. Brings to the awareness what your intentions are. And so it's not that you are ignoring it, but you're also not going to let it run the show because you're going to catch the lie and you're going to redirect it with intention. And then secondly, catch or notice yourself doing the quote unquote invisible work. You know the one that no one really sees picking up the Legos, washing the dishes, reorganizing all of the things that the family just. Somehow thinks that it happens on its own, right? Maybe that's picking up the blankets, fluffing up the pillows, whatever that looks like for you. So this week, when you're in the middle of managing schedules, wiping counters, or answering the same question for the third time, remember that this is where patience gets built. This is where you learn self-control and those things. They don't just make you a better mom, they make you the kind of woman who can handle whatever God calls you to next. You are retraining your brain to see the value and what feels small, and usually that small thing is the biggest reward. And that's the practice. Catching yourself in the middle of the invisible work and reminding yourself this counts and this matters So I know that it's hard when you look around and feel like everyone else has something to show for their life, and you're just trying to keep up and it can feel like you're always behind. But here's what I want you to walk away with today. We can ground ourselves in him and learn to be steadfast in the work that we are doing right now. It's anchored in who God says you are, and that is not changing. So tonight before bed, I want you to pause and notice that one moment where you did show up even if it felt small. So maybe you listened to your kid that needed you, maybe you showed up for a friend in some small way. Maybe you pray. When you felt powerless. And that might not feel like anything to you because let's be honest, it's not something tangible that we can hold. But that is still a small step that makes a big difference. And that's the good work that God has prepared for you and it counts. These small things matter, so don't forget it. All right, mama, because you are becoming the mom. You want to be one faithful step at a time. I know it's hard, but you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.