149 | The Mental Load No One Sees: How Christian Moms Can Stop Carrying It All Alone

Hey Mama!

Do you ever feel like you're carrying an invisible weight that no one else can see?

You're mentally tracking everyone's schedules, planning for every possible scenario, and rehearsing backup plans before you even need them⁠. On the outside, it looks like you have it all together—but on the inside, you're exhausted from holding it all in your head.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why physical rest isn't enough when you're mentally carrying everything⁠
• How Jesus invites you into soul rest—not just a one-time handoff, but an active relationship that shifts how you see rest entirely⁠
• Practical steps to release the mental grip and show up more joyfully as a Christian mom⁠

This biblical encouragement will help you stop clawing for rest and start experiencing the peace and grace that comes from trusting God with the mental load⁠.

Listen now to find freedom from mom guilt and discover the soul rest that changes everything.

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Email: carolinethao@restoredmindllc.com

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. You can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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People think you have it all together, but inside you're running on fumes. No one sees the mental load, the constant planning, the invisible to-do list that never stops, and the belief that if you stopped holding it together, everything would fall apart. You're exhausted in a way that no nap can fix. So today we're talking about the rest you actually need. Welcome to the Restored Mind. Biblical wisdom, simple steps. No more mom guilt. I'm Caroline Tao. Let's do this. Ready to finally understand what's driving your mom guilt. Take the Discover Your Mom Guilt quiz and get personalized insights that will help you break free from the patterns keeping you stuck. When you know your guilt type, you can stop spinning your wheels and start making real progress towards becoming the mom you want to be. The link is in the show notes. All right, welcome back and hello. Let's dive right in because there is something I've been itching to talk about, which is the mental load that no one actually sees. I think as moms we can all relate, right? I remember a season when my husband was deployed. My youngest was less than a year old, and I was running on fumes. I was mentally exhausted, sleep deprived, just really trying to keep everyone alive and fed. And the thing is, I moved back home to be with my family and had incredible help from them, and my best friend, which I am honestly internally so grateful for. But even with that support, people would still ask me, how do you do it? Because they couldn't imagine having three young kids with them while their husband was deployed for all of what, maybe nine months to a year. And honestly, that question always puzzled me because in my head I was thinking, well, I don't have any superpower. I just had to, I mean, there was no escape hatch, no other option. I literally just had to, and here's what they didn't see. Just because I was doing it didn't mean that it was easy breezy. They saw me functioning. Of course, they saw hands helping me, but they didn't see what was happening inside the sleep deprivation that had me barely holding on, I mean, my best friend saw me through that. I was snoozing away every moment that I could get the tantrums that I had to navigate through when I really didn't have anything left to give the nights when all the kids got sick. That was a hoot. They all got sick at once and it terrified me because I didn't wanna get sick too, because then I wouldn't be able to care for anyone, at least not to the capacity that I would want to. So even with help around me, I couldn't bring myself to decompress my body, honestly, just wouldn't let go. And maybe you're in a different season. You know exactly what I'm talking about because the mental load, it doesn't require a deployment for it to feel crushing. It's happening right now when you're in the thick of winter. Or whatever season you're in, you're still carrying the weight that no one else can see. Even when there are helping hands and your body knows it, you are exhausted because you're holding onto so much that's invisible to everyone else. So what do you need? You need rest. I know you've heard that before. You need to rest, but not just physical rest, you need soul rest, which I'm willing to bet probably not many of you have heard before, right? What is that? When you hear the word rest, the first thing that probably comes to mind is sleep. Or a nap or finally sitting down at the end of the day, just taking a deep breath and letting everything melt into the couch or on the bed. And you know what? Yes, your body needs that kind of rest too, but that's not what Jesus is talking about. In Matthew chapter 11, verse 28 through 30. Jesus says, come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. For I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. And Jesus here is offering something way deeper. He means. Peaceful rest that lifts the weight off your shoulders. The kind where even if life still feels a little chaotic at the end of the day or things are still uncertain, you have this deep certainty that no matter what you are being held, and here's what makes this verse so powerful. Jesus says, all who labor and are heavy laden. And that is intentional because the labor he's talking about, those are the burdens that we put on ourselves, the expectations, the pressure to have it all together. The belief that we have to carry everything alone. And the heavy laden, well, those are the burdens that other people put on us, whether it be intentional or unintentional. That could be anything from maybe judgements, not saying that everyone's judging us. But sometimes it can feel like that. The comparisons, the unseen weight of what everyone is expecting you to be, all of those things could be unintentional, but it Just feels like it's another weight for us to add onto our very heavy plate. And so to all of that, Jesus says, come to me. Right. He's inviting you outta self-sufficiency. So while everyone around you thinks that you've got it all together, but on the inside it feels like your world is crumbling and you're living with the silent frustration of mom guilt, if that's you, I want you to listen to this truth. You don't have to carry it alone. Jesus invites you into his rest. But also notice the invitation has two parts. He says, take my yoke upon you and learn from me. And this isn't just about receiving something passively or just one time. It's about becoming a disciple, being willing to be guided, to be loved and corrected by his spirit. It is an active relationship and it's not just a one-time handoff. When you have that kind of soul rest, something just shifts. Physical rest is still important. You still need sleep. But it's not this desperate aching need anymore where you're just yearning for it. You know that feeling when you just can't wait to get home so you can crash on the couch because it's been a long day.'cause let's be honest, as a mom, that probably doesn't happen often. Though it would probably feel really nice once in a while, but when you experience the soul rest that I'm talking about,, it actually changes how you see rest in general. So you're not really clawing for it. You're not running on fumes waiting for the next chance to collapse. But the deeper exhaustion, the one that no nap can fix, has been lifted. Now I know what you might be thinking, that sounds great, Caroline, but I am exhausted. My body can't let go. So what's actually happening here? And hey, I hear you, but think about this. Your body can't decompress because you're mentally holding onto everything. The running to-do list that's in your head, the backup plans for every possible scenario, the invisible tracking of everyone's needs and schedules, and it's not just that you're doing a lot, it's that you're carrying a lot mentally, even when you're sitting still. And that might answer why. When you do sit on the couch, it just feels like you're not completely relaxed. You also believe even subconsciously, that if you stopped worrying and planning everything would fall apart. That is exhausting. And no amount of sleep will fix it because your mind won't let your body rest. And you know, looking back I had help but I couldn't bring myself to decompress because I was carrying this invisible weight of trying to hold it together for me and my three kids. And of course, I didn't want my husband to worry too while he was overseas. I wanted to be sure that I cleaned up after my kids so the house wouldn't get too messy. At this time, we were living with my brother. So I wanted to be able to respect his space too, and I wanted to be sure that my kids were fed by a certain time and they were down for their naps by a certain time because I wanted to create a routine for them so that their day-to-day would look, and feel familiar, especially since that season for us, was unfamiliar. So on the outside. I looked like I was doing a great job, but on the inside I was struggling to keep my head above water, especially when we were not on our quote unquote normal schedule. And if I could go back, I would tell myself to take a deep breath and seek after the kind of rest that Jesus offers, because soul rest brings peace, even when things were out of my control. And the thing is soul rest is not about doing less. It's about releasing the mental grip that you have on everything. The things that we do as moms are honestly just part of our daily life. So the question isn't, how can you do less? But how can you show up more joyfully in those moments? And so here's a couple of things that you can do. First start with recognizing that you are not just tired from what you're doing, but you're also exhausted from what you're carrying mentally. And then name what it is that you are carrying. If it is, for example, the need to be in control, say it. Name it for what it is, whisper it to yourself, and then take five minutes to write it down. Or, what I highly recommend is have a conversation with God about what is truly on your mind and on your heart. Because Mama, it's gonna be no surprise to him. He already knows. Okay. Sometimes it's just hard for us to say it out loud because then we have to hear it and. It puts us in a vulnerable position that we don't really feel comfortable in. So this honestly is incredibly helpful whether you journal it out or you have a conversation with God because it keeps you from harboring this frustration inside where the end results are usually going to end up with you snapping at your kids or your husband, and it leads to more mom guilt and that's not a good thing. So get it out and let it go, And then lastly, catch yourself taking it back. What I mean by that is after you've already had this five minute journal time or five minute conversation with God, and you catch yourself taking back what you said because you want to linger with it some more, you wanna go back and forth with yourself some more. Stop right there. Okay? Remind yourself that you've already given it to God So now is the hard part, trusting him because the truth is soul. Rest is a posture. It is not a one-time event. So that means you're going to work on choosing to let go and believe that God's got this. And every time you choose that, you're training yourself to do what Jesus said. We're learning from Jesus, and by the way, who better than to look to Jesus as a teacher of how you can become the mom that you want to be. He's modeled it out so well by the way that he spoke to his disciples in the way that he led and how he loved and was so willingly going to God for all of his troubles. And I really also love how he says, not my will, but yours. And that's the kind of posture that we want to have because it builds a firm foundation for how we become the mom that we want to be, because Jesus didn't just say, come to me when you've got it all figured out. No, he said, come to me all who are weary and burden, all who labor and are heavy laden, So that means right now in the middle of the mess, when you're barely holding on, he offers rest for your soul, not just for your body. And so, mama, I know that you are tired and exhausted, and I know it feels like if you stop planning, if you stop worrying, if you stop holding it all together, then everything will fall apart. But the truth is the mental load that you're carrying was not meant to be carried alone. Jesus isn't asking you to have it all figured out. He's inviting you to bring him the weight and actually. Leave it there. You don't have to push through motherhood while running on empty soul. Rest is available to you right now. You can be the mom that you want to be, and yes, it's hard, but you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.