150 | When God Has Forgiven You But You Still Feel Like A Bad Mom

Hey Mama,

Did you lose your temper with your kids… again?

You mentally rewind the scene over and over, watching yourself snap, and each replay makes you feel worse. You tell yourself you should have known better. After all, you asked God to forgive you. You apologized. You meant it.

So why does that moment keep replaying in your head like proof that you’re a bad mom?

If you’re a Christian mom wrestling with mom guilt after yelling, snapping, or saying something you told yourself you never would, this episode is for you.

In this faith-based encouragement for moms, you’ll discover:

• Why forgiveness isn’t about promising perfection — it’s about healing and releasing what God has already released
• The difference between conviction and condemnation (and why the replay keeps you stuck)
• How to respond with grace instead of self-condemnation by naming the “why” behind your reactions and treating them as signals, not character flaws

You are not a bad mom. You are a growing mom. And you don’t have to live in the replay cycle of mom guilt in motherhood anymore.

If you’re ready to stop feeling defined by the moment you lost it and start walking in God’s grace again — press play.

More FREE Resources:

Take The Quiz: Discover Your Mom Guilt Type

Become a Restored Mind Mama: Sign Up Here

FREE Community:  Break Free From Mom Guilt

Instagram: @_restoredmind

Email: carolinethao@restoredmindllc.com

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

0:00

You have already asked God to forgive you for losing your temper on your kids, and because we know that God's mercies are new every morning, you know that he's already said yes. So why does that moment keep looping in your head like it's still trying to define you? The replay isn't helping you grow, mama. It's actually keeping you stuck, and there's one shift that can finally help you. Let it go. Ready to find out what it is. Let's do this. Welcome to the Restored Mind. Biblical wisdom, simple steps. No more mom guilt. I'm Caroline Tao. Let's do this. mama. Take the discover Your mom guilt quiz, and maybe you're thinking, I already feel guilty enough, so won't this just make me dwell on it more. Here's the truth. Naming your guilt pattern is actually the first step to releasing it. So when you understand why you keep replaying that moment, it loses its power over you. The quiz doesn't add guilt. It helps you subtract it. It's only seven questions long and takes just about three minutes. The link is in the show notes. alright. Welcome back, mama. I can't believe that we are almost through February. It feels like time is just flying by and it's only the beginning of 2026, but today's conversation is going to be such a good one because. I know this is going to be incredibly relatable to us mamas who struggle with mom guilt and want that freedom, But can't seem to break that cycle. I have a story to share with you, but first, before I even talk about it, I have to start off and say that my mom is a good mom. And the reason I'm saying that is because. She's part of this story, and the thing is, she loves us so well. I truly believe in my hearts of hearts that her and my dad did the absolute best that they could with what they had. I mean, we are first generation born here in the United States, so they had to figure everything out on their own, which probably was frustrating for them. So anyway, all of that aside. I have to say that my mom, again, she did the best that she absolutely could, So, with that said. They're just like all of us who have had our moments, especially my mom, because growing up I remember my mom losing her temper and telling us that she couldn't wait for us to grow up and move away because we were annoying her. As a kid and hearing that. I felt confused and more than anything, I felt bad. Like I had made her mad or upset her, or maybe inconvenienced her in some way. So I vow to myself as a little girl that I would never say that to my kids if I ever have kids. Now, fast forward to me as a mom and I'm trying to give myself this really quick manicure. At this time, I had just applied my top coat on the last finger, and then someone comes running through the door because they needed something right then. I mean, it was those, I need it right now, moments. So I just lost it. I huffed and puffed and said, you guys are so annoying. I can't wait for you to grow up. And once everything settled, I went back to clean up, and that's when it hit me. I broke the promise that I made to myself many years ago. I look over at my kids, who by the way, are incredibly content at this time, and they are at peace. Again, all was well with them and that's when I felt the crushing weight of guilt. And I vowed that time that I would never do that again. But spoiler alert, I did it again many months later. And that's when I realized I wasn't just stuck in a cycle of losing my temper. I was stuck in a cycle of replaying that moment over and over, letting it define me as the mom who broke her promise, making me feel like I was a bad mom. And maybe you're doing the same thing with a moment that you just can't seem to let go of or that you keep repeating after you've told yourself, I'm never doing this again. And the thing is, you know that when you ask God for forgiveness, he gives it and he gives it so willingly. But you can't stop replaying that moment and it eats you up. And you keep wondering, why does it feel so bad? Why do I feel like I've messed up somehow? And so the gap. Between God's forgiveness and your ability to forgive yourself is what's actually stealing your peace forgiving yourself doesn't mean that you're going to pretend that it didn't happen because we have to acknowledge that it did happen however. You can release it and respond with grace. It is hard to forgive yourself because you think that as a mom, as the adult, you should know better. You say things like, you know what? I'm the adult. I'm the mom here, and I should have known better. I should have responded in a more loving way. And then you start thinking about how this might mess up your relationship with your kids if it continues. So when you lose your temper and say something you don't mean, pride can also get in the way. I think as moms, maybe we don't like to think of ourselves as being prideful. But I have to be honest and say that sometimes we don't even realize that our pride is keeping us from seeing how much pride we can actually have. And in that moment you might even justify it by saying they deserved this. They should have known better. I mean, they know the rules of this house. But internally you are replaying it over and over and it's making you feel absolutely terrible. And here's the trap. You think that forgiving yourself locks you into a contract of quote unquote, never doing that again, meaning you automatically sign yourself up to being perfect. And that pressure of being perfect is crushing you because the reality is you will mess up. So that's not to discourage you even more if you are currently in that season, but I want to remind you that you are human. And while you keep telling yourself you're an adult, and that you should know better, you are also learning. And you are growing to become the mom that you want to be, you are going to mess up again at some point. and that's where the responding with grace comes in. But the good news is that you are not required to be perfect to receive forgiveness from God or to forgive yourself.. Forgiveness means to send away, to let go and to release. It's not about erasing what happened or promising perfection. It's actually about healing you. When you refuse to forgive yourself, you're holding onto something that God has already let go of when you've asked him for forgiveness. And let's be honest, the enemy loves to condemn and remind you. Of your mistakes. It serves as a distraction and keeps you from being present with your family and enjoying what is actually in front of you. But in God, there is peace and restoration. So every time you promise that you're never gonna do something again, and then you do it again. Something breaks inside of you and you stop trusting yourself a little bit at a time. And pretty soon it feels like the change is impossible. The truth is you snapped because you were overstimulated and running on emptying. Understanding the why helps you respond with compassion instead of condemnation, right? Remember, the enemy likes to condemn you. And once you can name the why, you can stop treating this like a character flaw and start treating it like a signal. So let's talk about what you can do next time you feel yourself getting close to that edge or have already crossed that line once again. Once you've already crossed that line and you're feeling really bad, I think about Matthew chapter five, verse 23 and 24. Jesus says to leave your gift at the altar and go to be reconciled to your brother first, then come back. And what stood out to me is that God cares about our worship and our relationships, and he doesn't want us to ignore the People that we've hurt while we're trying to look quote unquote spiritually together, when I used to quote unquote fake it till I make it like I was spiritually put together in some way, I felt like I had to put this facade on, and it was a lot of pressure that I didn't even know I was inviting into my life. But when I started really removing all of that It relieved so much of that perfectionism pressure that I used to put on myself. And so yes, God does care about our worship, but he also cares about our relationship and he doesn't care whether or not we mess up because he knows that we're gonna mess up. But what matters to him is how we reconcile with the people that we sinned against. that reconciliation also includes our kids. And so the second thing that you can do is to be intentional about self-care choices. That won't set you up for frustration, the nail Polish midday thing was not a problem. It was that I didn't think through what happens when my kids would need me while the polish is drying. It probably sounds like a no-brainer, but really in that moment I was just thinking, Hey, I am free at the moment. My kids are good, so I'm gonna just sneak in a little manicure, but that did not play out well. What I would actually suggest you do if you're able, is to choose something that won't leave you stuck and frustrated when interruptions happen. So an example I can give is, um, I love art. I am not the most artistic person, but when it comes to coloring and painting, it's really something that I find therapeutic. My favorite thing to do with color and painting is to blend the colors together. I guess that also explains my love for makeup and stuff. But anyway, a. All of that is to share with you that I tapped into something artsy and it allows me to have these interruptions that I can openly welcome without getting frustrated. So when my daughters want to color with me, they can bring their own coloring book or have their own coloring sheet, and they get to also do the thing that I'm doing. But at the same time, it's still very therapeutic for me to be able to color as well., Another one that you can do is to voice your needs before you hit over stimulation. And that was something that I struggled with for a very long time because I thought that as someone who is a stay at home mom, I needed to take care of everything and so I couldn't ask for help. But if your kids are older, They're going to understand what it is that you need and how they can help you. And also. Saying something like, Hey, mommy needs 10 minutes to just reset because I'm frustrated, or really just expressing that you're getting angry or upset and need time to calm down. It is not a selfish thing. It's actually a really wonderful thing that you communicate that with your kids because it builds trust it's also wisdom that you're modeling and you are the leader and you're showing them a way that they can communicate. You're showing them that, hey, self-control is important, and they get to see that happening in real time. They'll learn from it and model that same kind of behavior as well. And it also, again, builds trust because then they know what is happening. And if your kids are younger, like three months old or not at the stage, where they can really comprehend I know that it can get frustrating and you're probably wondering, well, what can I do? There's two things I would encourage you to do is to ask a family member or a friend who you trust to come over and be with your child for maybe an hour or so while you take the time for yourself. You don't have to leave the house, but you could decompress and maybe that decompression is just having someone to talk to. And if you're like me and you weren't your family, because my husband is in the military and we were actually far away from home, the best thing that I ever did was to get out of the apartment at the time and just go for a walk. And that's it. It was so simple. Going for a walk was the thing that saved me from going completely insane because it silenced all of the techy noises that were around us, the iPads, the toys, the tv, all of it. It silenced. All of that, it also distracted them because they got to not only get some vitamin D from the sun, but they also got to take a look at the nature around them. So they saw squirrels and maybe birds. They heard, um, airplanes, which are not natural. But we lived near installations, so we always heard the airplanes flying by and we would hear birds chirping. We also heard other babies laughing and chatter. So it was a nice break from all of the techy noises. While they were walking and enjoying themselves, it was also. A moment of silence for me, which honestly I was incredibly desperate for. So the point is that you don't have to push through motherhood until you break. Find what works for you in your season and your setup, and give yourself permission to do it. Now, I know that you've been carrying that moment, the one where you said something that you swore you would never, and every time it replays it feels like proof that you are just somehow failing. That change is impossible. But here's what I want you to hear. That moment does not get to write your story. God has already released it. He's already forgiven you. It's time that you forgive yourself and the gap that you're feeling. It's not between you and him. It's between his grace and the grace that you are withholding from yourself. Mama, you are learning, growing and becoming the mom that you want to be. one grace filled moments at a time, and I know that it can be hard at times, but you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.