152 | Mom Guilt And The Pressure To Stay ‘On Track’

Hey Mama!

If you’re the kind of mom who feels okay as long as plans stay intact… but the second they don’t, you start spiraling, snapping, or scrambling to catch up, you’re not crazy. And you’re not failing.

Because that’s not just a time management thing, that’s heart pressure. And when the pressure hits, it can feel like peace is only possible if you can fix it fast enough.

In this episode, we’re talking about what’s really happening underneath mom guilt when you feel the need to stay on track, especially as a Christian mom who wants to honor God in motherhood, but keeps getting pulled into performance.

Anchored in Proverbs 3:5–6, you’ll be reminded that God isn’t asking you to control everything. He’s inviting you to trust Him with everything, and return to peace and grace right in the middle of the interruption.

What you’ll learn:

• How interruptions expose what you’re depending on for peace (and why that matters)
• A simple, in-the-moment heart reset when you feel the pressure rise
• How to move from “I have to fix this” to trust, without spiraling into mom guilt

Press play and let God meet you in the messy middle.

More FREE Resources:

Take The Quiz: Discover Your Mom Guilt Type

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FREE Community:  Break Free From Mom Guilt

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Email: carolinethao@restoredmindllc.com

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

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If you're the kind of mom who feels okay, as long as the plans stay intact, but the second it doesn't, you start spiraling, snapping, or scrambling to catch up. That is not a time management problem. That's heart pressure. So what happens when God interrupts your plans and you cannot fix it fast enough? Let's talk about it. Welcome to the Restored Mind. Biblical wisdom, simple steps. No more mom guilt. I'm Caroline Tao. Let's do this. if you're feeling stuck in that cycle of wanting peace, but not knowing where to start, I want you to know that you are not alone in this, and maybe you're thinking this probably is just another thing telling me to do more, but here's the truth. The Discover Your Mom guilt quiz isn't about adding more to your plate. It helps you understand your specific guilt pattern so you can do less of what's not working and focus on what actually matters. It's only seven questions and takes just three minutes to take. If you're ready to break free from Mom guilt, the link is in the show notes. All right, welcome back and happy March Spring is right around the corner and I'm so excited because we've started spring gardening here in our little backyard. But if I'm gonna be honest, I'm also really looking forward to the warmer days ahead. I am so over this winter weather and you know, I have to say, I really can't complain because winter out here in California, it's not that bad. But I'm just ready for brighter days, I guess. And you know, I'm sure that you are too. So today's episode is going to be a really good one because we are going to be touching on time management, but this is not an episode on how to build a better routine or manage your time perfectly, because let's face it, I am the last person you want for that. I can either get incredibly laser focused. Or I can get really distracted. And so yeah, I'm not the best person for that. But what this episode is is an invitation to check your heart posture when interruptions happen. sometimes those interruptions can get the best of us and we can get really frustrated and angry. See, when I was a new mom. I was reading all the blogs and articles about putting baby on a routine and how it would bring peace to my day, which can be true, but over the years and a few more kids later, I also noticed that the older my kids got the. More that the routine kept shifting and changing, and as I reflect back on their toddler years, one of the biggest struggles that I had was during nap time, especially with my youngest, my older two, so easy to put down. I just had to tell them, Hey, it's nap time. They would go lay in bed and in 10 to 15 minutes they'd fall asleep, but not my youngest. She would not fall asleep unless she was in my arms. And the second I laid her down, she was wide awake again. And I remember feeling anger just continued to grow inside of me the more that I kept trying to put her down for a nap. And I just kept fixating on the routine that I had because it worked so well with my older two, but not with my youngest. And the reason why I held onto that routine was because it felt so incredibly predictable and it was also very convenient. And you know, I wish I could tell you that it was just annoying to go through that. But if I'm being really honest. The interruption was actually revealing something inside of me, because in those moments, I wasn't just trying to get my baby to sleep. I was desperate and trying to decompress. I was trying to get my day to feel safe again and predictable again. I was just trying to get back to feeling like, okay, I'm doing a good job. And this season was also a really hard season'cause my husband had deployed at the time too. So I was doing this all by myself. And when the routine didn't go according to plan, I could feel my heart posture began to shift from peace to pressure. And within that pressure, anger would begin to rise up inside of me. So today we're not just talking about those interruptions, but we're gonna talk about what those interruptions expose and how God meets us there with grace. Because here's the first thing that I want you to take note of. It's that interruptions are rarely just that. Because it's a moment of exposure. And basically what I'm trying to say is that these interruptions can reveal in our hearts what it is depending on for peace. So for me, this showed up during nap time. my youngest was a Velcro baby. So of course I was desperate for that break. But. I wasn't just frustrated because plans changed. I was frustrated because I was depending on that nap for the peace. I didn't know how to get it any other way. And so when that happens, you can probably feel it inside of your body. You know, that rush of urgency, the temperature rising inside, you probably feel like you're getting hotter and. It tenses you up. Maybe in your jaw, in your chest, you're huffing and puffing because you're getting more and more annoyed, and that's where you can find yourself snapping at your kids or your husband and saying things to them that you didn't mean. Which, by the way, I just talked about this in episode 150, so I'm gonna link it in the show notes because in that episode I walk you through how to stop replaying those moments and how to actually receive grace. So if that's something that you're struggling with, mama, I got you. It's linked in the show notes for you. Okay. So the question then becomes, why does. And interruption like that have so much power over us. And the more that I reflect on this, especially when I think about my early days as a mom, it makes me realize that. One I didn't know any better. And two, it's because a lot of us have attached our sense of being a quote unquote good mom to being on track. See, the thing is when we become moms, we want to do the absolute best that we can, and we don't wanna fail. We don't wanna fall short of our family's expectation or even the expectations that we've set for ourself. And somehow in our mind, we've now decided what a good mom looks like and what a bad mom looks like. And so sometimes, especially if you're someone like me who is a perfectionist, who did want to have control over so many things. Being on track was something that validated that. So of course when the plan breaks, it doesn't just feel like an inconvenient, it feels like I'm failing. In those moments, I scrambled to regain control. I also got short and snappy with the people around me, and the voice in my head gets really loud and it says things like, you know, I should be able to handle this. I should not be struggling. This hard. At this point, I'm not just trying to fix the schedule, but I'm also trying to prove that I'm still a good mom. And so this is where scripture interrupts me because my instinct is to lean onto my own understanding and power through with the strength that I believe that I have And force everything back into place. But Proverbs chapter three, verse five and six says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding and all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. So what does this mean? Well, I truly believe that this verse does not mean that God is promising a perfect day by any stretch of the imagination, but it does mean that he is inviting us into trusting when we don't know how to make the day feel straight again, so to speak. And the thing is, God is not asking you to control everything. He's actually inviting you to trust him with everything. The word all is seen here in this verse twice. Right. Trust in the Lord with all your heart in all your ways. Acknowledge Him, meaning we are in the act of surrendering our ways and thoughts to him. And even in scripture, it says His thoughts and his ways are higher than ours, and we don't fully get the picture, but the enemy just loves to pull you out of God's presence and focus on the emotions of the interruptions, right. The anger that you're feeling and it brings you back into performance. But when God gives us those interruptions, he's really inviting you into the space to just be with him. Yes. Even with all of that mess. So let's talk about what to do in the moment that you feel that pressure rising, because we're gonna do something a little bit differently. Peace is not something we find after we fix everything. I mean, you could find peace in that, but it's also an act, right? So peace is something that we return to while it's still messy. Remember, Jesus says, peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. So that's very intentional. Which means that the peace that he gives to us is not just in times of when everything's going right, but when things go off track as well. And so the three steps that I want you to do is to first pause and take a breath, which I know you're probably like, come on, I don't wanna hear about. Having to just take a deep breath because it sounds like it's so simple, but sometimes it's the simplest things that we do that can help us. Release the moments and not feel like we have to prove ourselves. So as you inhale, I want you to think and set your eyes on God and as you exhale, say a little prayer, which leads us right into. Step two of naming the thing that is putting pressure on you or naming the thing that is bothering you. So for me, if I was myself back then and I knew what I know now, I would say, Lord, help me release the tension that I feel, the anger that I feel for not being able to put my daughter to sleep because I just want some peace. And then as that's happening, you automatically do step three, which is to invite Jesus to meet you where you're at. Say something like, Lord, give me grace for this moment because I am so full of anger and I don't wanna be. Give me your peace, the one that you've promised. Help me respond to my child, your child, like a daughter that would make you proud, that would honor you in such a way and bring glory to your name. I mean, that's really what it is. So basically I'm asking you to, yes, take a deep breath. Now, this breath is not going to get your day back by any means because you can't go back in time, but it is going to give you your heart back. And it is going to reset your heart posture for that moment. These tiny rhythms, they work better honestly than big plans because big plans can become a sneaky way to chase certainty. Just like for me, I was chasing the certainty of knowing that a break was coming. At a certain time and I was looking forward to it. And when that didn't happen, I got incredibly upset. And you know, sometimes the plan is not the problem. Our big plans are not a bad thing, but the pressure that we put on the plan is meaning we put pressure that something happens by a certain time so that we can either get a break or relieve ourselves of the chaos and the crazy, messy things that are happening around us. So when the day gets messy, just remember that you don't need a new system. So. Don't go running over onto Pinterest or trying to Google like systems for X, y, z. I really want you to just take a moment. Take that deep breath, say that small prayer, be present. Invite the Lord into your space because sometimes all you really need is a small way back to surrendering the moment to God. And I know that you're making these strides to become the mom that you want to be, and sometimes it can get really hard, but as I always say, you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.